Justin’s Comments (group member since Mar 13, 2016)

Justin’s comments from the Science Fiction Microstory Contest group.

Tom wrote: ""A Life Worth Living" by Justin Sewall

A poem of mental disintegration at life's end. A wild ride down the rapids of jumbled memories spanning all of human history from the caves to a far-flung in..."

As always, thanks for the thoughtful review!

Jot wrote: "10 miles? I'd be lucky if I could run a mile."

Well, I've been running since the seventh grade. So I have a little history with the sport. :)

Paula wrote: "Pizza AND cheezecake--wow, Justin! Glad you've had such a great birthday!"

Thanks Paula! It was a good day.

Sorry to be late! Another excellent story Tom! Great work!

Oh hey! Thanks everyone for the birthday wishes!

I got up and ran 10.25 miles (you know, for fun - LOL!), then had a good day with the family. I ordered Papa John's pizzas for dinner and savored the chocolate cheesecake my wife made for me. She managed to exactly replicate what my Mom always makes for my birthday, but since we're in quarantine... Anyway, 48 feels great! Thanks again everyone! I certainly enjoy reading all of your creative contributions!

Paula wrote: "Just read your newer version, Justin. I agree with Tom, it flows more readily now. Now I'm seeing a need for more clumping together, as in normal (short) paragraphing, of some of the lines, with su..."

Thanks Paula! I did break it up into sentences vs. paragraphs because I wanted it to be more stream-of-consciousness. Paragraphs felt too static and traditional, at least to me. Anyway, thanks for the great feedback and encouragement to revamp the opening!

Tom wrote: "Justin wrote: "Okay, I've made some slight tweaks to the beginning portion of my story. I think it makes the flow better and align more with the rest. Thoughts?"

It does seem to flow more smoothly..."

Wow. Compared to DS9 and Slaughter House 5? Thanks Tom! Yes, I felt the randomness of jumping all over time and space made it a better story than just a linear progression. The person mentioned, Mister Stevens, is, perhaps, more than one person across space and time. I don't know. It just worked for me. :) Thanks for your compliments!

Okay, I've made some slight tweaks to the beginning portion of my story. I think it makes the flow better and align more with the rest. Thoughts?

Paula wrote: "Thank you, Justin. And, hey, I love that song; can't recall the singer/songwriter's name, though.Justin wrote: "...It walks the line.""

Johnny Cash: I walk the line ?

Paula wrote: "Justin wrote: "Paula wrote: "Nice subtle touch on that ending, C. Possible the story could use some tightening, but it's very well-constructed, nicely done!"

Hi Paula! Great story! It balances on ..."

I don't think it slips. It walks the line. I'll try and give you more detailed feedback.

Paula wrote: "Wow, Justin. Wow.
--amazing story-poem.
--gets better and more masterful after the first 1/4 or so, better and better.
--Again, wow."

Thank you Paula! That is high praise from you and greatly appreciated! This story had no idea where it was going from the get go. It really did develop itself as I went along, which is why the first quarter is perhaps the weakest part. Because I had no preconceived story, no framework to hang my prose on, it was free to wander in a more unstructured fashion. Perhaps, in a pale imitation of your own unique style that I greatly admire!

A Life Worth Living

Home.
It’s so easy to take for granted y’know?
Until it’s gone.
Ripped away.
I don’t know why it’s happening.
I don’t know how to make it stop.
Death?
Will I ever die?
I am perpetually awake.
Sleep is but a distant memory – and yet I’m locked in this nightmare.
Trying to get back to…to...
Jumbled memories…thought patterns overlaid on my own.
The fetid stench of greasy black smoke and unwashed bodies mixes with breakfast. Earthy.
Home…in a darkened cave.
Shadows dance on crudely painted walls.
Mammoths, mastodons… a cave bear seeking its own breakfast.
Salty sea air fills my lungs as the ship’s bow plunges through frothy, playful waves.
Thunder rumbles menacingly – or is it cannons?
“Hard about Mister Stevens! Let’s give them another volley!”
Cannons.
Fire belches forth and I’m enveloped by a wraith of black smoke.
My eyes burn and ears ring.
Sound is muffled.
The blackness of space is pierced by the brilliance of a sun’s chromosphere.
“Status Mister Stevens.”
“Aye Captain, we are in standard orbit. All sensors online and recording.”
“Amazing, isn’t it Stevens? We’re at the farthest reaches of human exploration, studying a star never seen by human eyes.”
“Yes sir, but it will be nice when we head…”
Home.
Distant.
Elusive.
Mercurial.
An illusion of security and acceptance in a world that seeks to devour you every day.
“Doctor he’s dying.”
“I’m sorry Mister Stevens, there is simply nothing else we can do. The virus…we just don’t understand it.”
Faces are near, blurry and distinct at the same time.
My family?
“We’ll make you comfortable of course, but…ah…, you’re extremely infectious. I’m sorry we can’t send you…”
Home.
Quarantine.
Byzantine.
Ovaltine.
I want to scream.
The train whistle screams white steam.
“Amazing isn’t it Mister Stevens? We can cross the entire country on these iron rails!”
“Truly a miracle of science and engineering,” I reply, dimly remembering another miracle of man’s science in orbit of a distant star.
Fire burns brightly in the belly of the locomotive and I’m enveloped by a wraith of black smoke.
“These trains will help so many people get…”
Home.
A missed connection.
Viral infection.
Mortgage extension.
Hypertension.
“Now son, hold the bow steady as you draw the string back.”
I inhale smoothly, the scent of Dad’s aftershave permeating the air around me.
“And…release!”
The arrow flies, straight and true, hitting…
“The target today gentlemen is Berlin.”
I look around at the other pilots. Most show no reaction, but a few sit with mouths agape.
“The first wave will strike at these factories here, here and here…”
The briefing officer drones on and on.
Flak will be heavy.
Enemy fighter presence tenacious.
“There’s no way we’re gonna survive 25 missions to get…”
Home.
Through hell and back.
Through burning flak.
Don’t be a sad sack.
Contact! Clear props!
Black smoke belches from four Wright Cyclones.
A miracle of science and engineering.
Soft white clouds against a crisp blue sky, torn by tracers.
Die! Die! Die!
The iceberg hits with unrelenting force.
Sinking the unsinkable.
The Hindenburg falls from the sky.
Oh the humanity!
Lincoln dies in Kennedy’s lap.
One small step for Man.
So far from…
Home.
Faster now it seems to fly.
The Concorde explodes.
My mind implodes.
If you want a prince then kiss a toad.
“There’s a message for you Mister Stevens.”
“Thanks Tommy I’ll take it in my stateroom…who’s it from?”
“From home sir.”
Home.
I clutch the cabled message.
“The Bismarck is out there somewhere…”
“Aye, that she is sir. We’ll find ‘er and send her to the bottom a’certain as I’m standin’ here.”
Black smoke belches from the Hood’s two smokestacks.
A miracle of science and engineering.
“Congratulations Mister Stevens! It’s a boy!”
“The Ministry of Defense regrets to inform you your son has been killed in action in North Africa.”
“We are gathered here today to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony.”
“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.”
Will this madness never end?
“You may feel some…unusual sensations.”
“I’m sorry Mister Stevens, but the prognosis is…terminal.”
Fade to black.
Black smoke and ash.
On a distant world.
A miracle of science and engineering.
Consciousness reaching out, seeking, searching.
Needing. Wanting.
Abandoned. Alone.
To share a life.
To share a home.
Home.
It’s so easy to take for granted y’know?
Until it’s gone.
Ripped away.
Now I understand.
A gift each day.
Please, I want to stay – to stay with you.
Then you are welcome…in my home…my life…

(750 words in story) Justin Sewall © 2020
Reviews/critiques welcome

Paula wrote: "Nice subtle touch on that ending, C. Possible the story could use some tightening, but it's very well-constructed, nicely done!"

Hi Paula! Great story! It balances on the knife edge of being indecipherable and incredible. :)

Kalifer wrote: "Mines up! I had a bit of fun with this one."

I had a good laugh at yours Kalifer, nicely done!

Good one C. I am now entering the HALO universe...

I liked "The Blue Man" Jeremy. Nicely done!

Yes, great story Tom!

Great reviews by the reviewers! Thank you all!

A landslide! Nicely done Marianne!!!

Andy wrote: "David and Danly, life’s meaning, and bats in a cabin wall by Paula
A bleak tale of growing isolation as successive SARS viruses emerge and strip us down, shattering dreams, giving the lie to the wi..."

Thanks for your review Andy! Much appreciated for the time you put in for mine and everyone else's! I did spend a lot of time in the first part setting up the isolation, perhaps too much. Thx!