Dwayne’s Comments (group member since Apr 01, 2017)

Dwayne’s comments from the Support for Indie Authors group.

E.A. wrote: "All families have a secret. Something that isn't talked about. Something kept behind closed doors.
In Amelia's family, that secret is her Grandpa, the Grim Reaper.
But today is her sixteenth birthday. The day when all the magical powers of her father's side of the family are unlocked, and she can finally find out just what the big secret is all about.
Amelia needs to discover, control, and master her powers, which may even be greater than her Grandpa’s, but when the unthinkable happens and her parents are mysteriously murdered, it is just the motivation she needs to realise her destiny.
And the Arbitrator is born with a blinding brilliance all of her own."

Better. And I don't think you're giving away too much by revealing dear ol' gramps is the Grim Reaper. After all, his name is in the title.

So, some suggestions.

Lose this: "Something that isn't talked about. Something kept behind closed doors." For this kind of book, a punchy blurb would work best and stopping to explain what a secret is really drags it down.

The word "secret" pops up a lot, too. Overusing words can weaken any writing, even blurbs. We get there's a secret. It's good to mention it, yes. Pretty much every bit of fiction is about secrets in one fashion or another, but readers are still drawn to the word.

Aside from this, it's much better than your original.

E.A. wrote: "It’s not everyday a girl turns sixteen and has a birthday party with a sexy demon rock group playing, the Grim Reaper in attendance, and her magical powers unlocked.
But that’s what happened to me two days ago. When your Grandpa is Death, anything is possible.
Yesterday, I found a familiar and a ring. A ring that only I can wear. The Black Diamond Ring that belongs to the Arbitrator, the Supernaturals Judge and Jury.
Today, my parents were murdered and I’m in the hospital. But if my attackers think this girl is gonna succumb to the ‘three strikes and you’re out’ rule, they can think again.
All I need to do is control and master my powers, which may even turn out to be greater than Grandpa’s and realise my destiny, and they have unknowingly provided the best incentive to achieve that.
The world isn’t gonna know what’s hit it!"

I don't care much for this one. It gets really choppy with all the short sentences about the ring. Perhaps combine them some to make them flow better. Maybe drop the mention of the familiar, since we're not given any more information about it.

Overall, I think it kind of puts me off 'cause her parents were just killed, she's in the hospital, yet she seems really -- cheerful -- almost joking about the whole thing. Maybe that's what the character is like. Maybe that's what you're going for.

It's a good start, but... it sounds like pretty much any other "coming-of-age, oh look I can do magic now, but there are secrets" book out there. Can you dig a bit deeper and include a little something-something about why your book is unique?

Steven wrote: "Interesting note: ..."

Interesting note: links are against the rules.

Gut reaction: "Hall of Divination" is about as generic sounding as "Mage Quarter". Same with "Military Wing" and "Halls of Arms". All of them work to give a functioning title to the parts of your castle, none are interesting, creative, etc.

And that might be a good thing.

The bottom line is this: In the world you are writing about, someone named this castle and all the bits and pieces of it. Get into the mind of whoever named these things and it'll be more clear what they should be named. If your king / queen / whatever who named them was a serious, organized thinker who had no room for anything frivolous or jolly, "Mage Quarter" works just fine. If your monarch or whatever is of a silly nature, maybe "Whishboom Factory" would be better.

What CB said.

A better method of getting your email address to Frederick is to private message him via Goodreads.

Christina wrote: "Top right under the group name is a search bar."

The search bar doesn't seem to be working right, at least for me. I posted a link to Felix in one of the multiple places he posted about libraries. I'm removing the rest. No need to post this question all over the place.

How about in the thread about getting your book into libraries?

https://www.goodreads.com/topic/show/...

C.B. Matson wrote: "Wait!! Wait Dwayne, my next book features real Hormel Spam..."

Really? My first novel had an attempted visit to the Spam museum in Minnesota. Yet... I hate Spam...

What Robert said.

Still, hang around and get into some conversations about writing and marketing. This group can be helpful if you work with it.

Gonna archive this and close it.

Ryan wrote: "Hey! I'm in a contest and [I'm gonna spam this group about it]"

Another comment deleted.

Ryan wrote: "Hey! I'm in a contest"

Yeah? Not the place to talk about it. READ THE RULES!

Daniel wrote: "If I may post this. "

No you may not. Read the rules!

Thank you, Mark.

Margaret wrote: "Thanks for the feedback. It would be helpful if people who are more familiar with romance could give feedback though."

Not sure what difference it should make.

Who is Ethan? The ex-boyfriend?

Why is the ex-boyfriend allowed to keep attacking her? Why is David Morgan "sticking by" instead of stopping the attacks? Why isn't Laura fighting the guy off?

Difference in what beliefs? Religious / non-religious? Liberal / conservative? Flat-earther vs. roundie earther? Toilet paper goes over / under?

The first sentence is really cliched, too. [So-and-so] thought they were done with love until they met [so-and-so]. Try a fresh approach.

Comment deleted for linking.

On the other side of the coin, some of my favorite authors wrote a myriad of different kinds of stories and books. They published them all under their real name or one pen name. I love them all the more for it. Everything I do could be called general fiction, but they're all different. Some are downright silly, some are somber. Some are dirty, some are clean(ish). They're all loosely connected, so I can't see writing under a lot of pseudonyms.

Deleted.

No links, please.

Mark wrote: "As I begin to write my debut novel, I struggle with the constraints of genres. My writing is literary fiction."

This's largely why I do literary fiction, too. Writing in genres feels too confining to me.

The upside of writing literary fiction is I believe my work is leaps and bounds better than it would be if I tried to force myself to write a more popular genre. The downside is, books like this are really hard to market. My first novel (and my second, actually) have some strong elements of romance in them, but would hardly pass in the Romance genre. I have tried to market the first thus - getting tons of clicks on the book, but very few sales.

I've taken some time off from marketing, but will be hitting it hard in a few weeks when the next novel is out. I have no idea how I will try to present it to get the attention of the masses when it will likely only appeal to a small portion of the populace.