H.A. Larson's Blog, page 25

I'm Going to Bury It

I've thought about how I wanted to write this post a few times. I mean, how do finally conclude a subject that consumed your life for a good chunk of your time? Well, you bury it.

I talked a lot about my internal struggles from the entirety of 2018 through the first half - give or take a month - of 2019. See, I was going through something, but I wasn't sure what. I knew some of it, at least, was due to hormonal changes, and then, earlier this year, I figured out that the rest of it was from buried trauma. Well, while both of those are correct and were both responsible for what the main issue was, neither was exactly what was going on.

It wasn't until recently when I had some downtime at work one day that I went down a rabbit hole of internet articles. This isn't unusual as it's something I do semi-regularly, but I digress. I came across one, in particular, that jumped out at me. It was an article about severe depression, and, man oh man, did it fit me during that time period to the letter. I pored over that article and found a couple of related ones, and it was eye-opening. I discovered that while I don't have chronic depression, I did suffer from a long period of severe depression. It made complete sense. I mean, I had no desire to do any of the things I normally loved, I was stricken with fatigue and tiredness all the time, I self-medicated a lot, and avoided people. While those aren't the only symptoms, they are some of the hallmark ones that practically described me word for word.

And now that I know for sure what transpired in my life to make it so bleak and awful, I can finally put it to rest. This post, then, is the last time I'm going to talk about that period in my life except for the occasional passing reference. I'm going to bury it for a few reasons:

* It completely consumed my life for a year and a half and I'm not giving it the spotlight anymore.
* I'm ready to move forward with my life in a happy and positive way.
* I'm done talking about it. I talked about it so much in an attempt to figure out just what the hell was wrong with me, that I'm soooo over it.

When something is over, it's over, and that time of my life is over. I'm back to my normal self - doing the things I love again, not self-medicating, hanging out with people (when I'm in the mood of course), and living my life to the fullest.

While I've now come out of it, no worse for the wear and maybe a bit wiser, I know other people aren't quite as lucky. If you know in your gut something in your life is a bit off, something is wrong but you can't place a finger on it, or you just straight-up know that you're in a bad way...get some help. There are tons of resources to help, so seek help today. Here's a great place to start.



I know I didn't make my Saturday post but I had a busy weekend hosting an annual bbq and some friends. My dad also stopped by on his way home from Texas so we met up for lunch. My latest review/interview with the band Fluids is up on Slime&Grime, and you can check that out here: https://www.slimeandgrimeomaha.com/post/fluids-an-icky-sticky-extra-saucy-friday-the-13th-interview-album-review

My online discussion series with Politipeeps and Dr. Mathias Nordvig is up on YouTube, you can check those out here, here, and here.

The Master of Suspense

Ever since I was a kid, I've been a fan of horror & suspense, something I got into courtesy of both my Dad and his best friend. I can remember watching a solid hour of reruns of Alfred Hitchcock Presents on television once a week.

It was my discovery of Alfred Hitchcock's old television show that made me a fan of the man himself. Called "The Master of Suspense" he made over 50 movies during a career that inspired and influenced many filmmakers that came after him.

I recently was in the mood to revisit some of his movies that I considered my favorites, so I spent a few days watching some.




Rear Window, starring Grace Kelly and James Stewart: 1954  
My personal favorite of Hitchcock's, this story follows a jet setting photographer apartment-bound after breaking his leg. Confined to a wheelchair, he kills boredom by watching the various and interesting tenants of the apartments around him through their windows. When he begins to suspect one of his neighbors has killed his wife, that's when the suspense begins.



Psycho, starring Anthony Perkins and Janet Leigh: 1960
Probably Hitchcock's most famous movie, this movie starts with an office secretary who steals a large sum of one of her boss's client's money to try and start a life with her divorced lover. She ends up at an old motel that has lost its livelihood due to the interstate system being built. She meets the young man who helps his mother run the place, but there's more than meets the eye.



The Birds, starring Tippi Hedren and Rod Taylor: 1963
The movie that made people scared of birds starts with a socialite heiress who goes to buy a bird in a pet shop and meets a handsome young man who thinks she works there. After getting information about him, she takes a boat to his isolated, island family home to prank him. She ends up staying a few days and then the birds start acting weird. It goes from weird to worse and that ending shot will stick with you for a while.

It was fun to revisit these old classic movies from one of my favorite directors. While younger kids might not find these movies as frightening today as they would have 60 years ago, they still pack a bit of a punch.
I was fortunate enough recently, thanks to an interest in classic cinema, to be able to see Rear Window in the theatre. I was also able to watch Vertigo in the theatre as well, although I didn't watch it at home during my few days of Hitchcock. I hope you get a chance to watch one of his movies soon if you haven't already.

Coffee Talk: Growth, Budgeting, and the Write Life

The weekend is here and I couldn't be happier. I've always enjoyed weekends, obviously, but I've noticed that I love them even more now. Maybe love isn't the right word. I think I appreciate my weekends in a different way now than I have in the past. Weekends have always been the much-needed break from a long work week, but I've noticed that I'm more conscious about how I spend my time on my days off. I mean, I have limited time in which I'm not working so I'm choosing to make the most of that time.
Chalk it up to growth. I've grown so much as a person over the past year and a half. Granted, it was an incredibly emotional, trying, and rough period of my life, but now that I'm past it, I realize how much I learned from it. More than that, it actually reshaped who I am as a person. This isn't a surprise when I think about it as I am moving closer to another zero birthday. I refer to this as the five-year shift, something I've talked about before.

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Another thing I've talked about in the past is how I pay my bills. I'm a big fan of the bill-folder method, where I dumped a traditional budget-style regimen in favor of an easier way to manage my household bills. This method works wonderfully when you don't have much money to begin with. Well, that changed recently. Last month, August 2019, I spent the entire month tracking where every cent of my money went. I downloaded a simple Excel budget template, adjusted the categories to match my own bills, and carefully logged every purchase. This was eye-opening, to say the least.
Now that I have a bit more in the way of disposable income, I wanted to see where I was spending it. While some of it was expected, some of it definitely was not. I was a bit disheartened, if I am being honest, by how irresponsible I can be with my money. Now, let me backtrack a little bit here and point out that I do pay all my bills every month, in full and on time, I save money every paycheck, and I contribute the max to my employer's retirement plan. However, I am still a bit shocked at where my disposable income goes. I'm definitely going to correct this as I have found where I can make changes to save even more money and pay other things off more quickly.
While it was a good experiment, I think I will only do one more month of this tracking before I give it up. I'm only doing it to see where my money goes, not make it a lifestyle. You never know, though, that might change. Never say never, right?

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The Write Life is coming back around. I finally finished the first chapter of my new book, which is huge for me after my recent struggles. I feel like I'm just about in full swing and it feels fantastic. I've also been busy writing for Slime & Grime - where I write reviews of albums, shows, and an interview here and there - as well as my recent guest appearance on an online discussion review that I detailed here.
For a few years, I was deeply mired in a couple of organizations that brought me stress instead of joy, so I gave them up. I also reclaimed my life, bringing my vested interests in heavy metal music and writing to the forefront...even merging the two. For me, that's just about the best thing ever and, for once, I can say that the things I'm involved with do bring me joy.



I hope your weekend not only brings you joy but that you realize your time off from work's fullest potential. Have a great weekend.

-H.A.

Expanding my Horizons

Recently, I charted new territory: being a guest on an online video discussion . I was on the PolitiPeeps podcast with fellow guest Dr. Mathias Nordvig, where we discussed anarchy and liberty themes in metal music. It was a lot of fun and quite informative. The discussion itself will be released in three parts on the PolitiPeeps YouTube channel, but ahead of that, they wrote up a good summary piece on the discussion (link below).

The discussion was led by Siobhán Patricia Lynch, a libertarian political strategist whose accomplishments include an Emmy award for interactive TV. She's one of three parts of the PolitiPeeps team, with Dennis Consorte - who wrote the summary piece - and Edward Hoefer rounding out the trio. 

As a guest, I was, of course, representing myself as well as Slime&Grime, the online metal magazine I write for. Not only am I a seasoned writer but a heavy metal aficionado, as well.

I was a fellow guest with Dr. Mathias Nordvig. Originally from Scandanavia, he now calls Colorado home where he's a professor at the University of Colorado - Boulder and an expert in Nordic mythology. 

The three of us are all fans of heavy metal and believers in personal liberty, so I think you'll find the discussion fun and informative as well.

So, where can you find the summary article? By clicking here.

Other useful links:


PolitiPeeps YouTube Channel This is where you'll find the online video discussion I was a part of. I'll be sure to let you know via my social media as those become available.PolitiPeeps Facebook page and their Twitter.Dr. Mathias Nordvig YouTube Channel This is a fun channel that mixes Nordic Mythology and interviews with interesting people, including metal musicians.Dr. Mathias Nordvig Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.My Facebook page, my Instagram, my Twitter, and my YouTube Channel.Slime&Grime's Facebook page, Instagram, and website.


I know my posting schedule is a bit off this week as a result of this past holiday weekend, but I'll post my regular Saturday/Tuesday schedule beginning this Saturday. Have a great rest of your week!

Day Trip Adventure: Hawkeye Point and Lake Okoboji

Recently, I talked about highpointing and joining the Highpointer's Club. I plan on hiking the highpoints of the lower 48 (at least to the best of my ability), and, to that end, I have hiked three of them: Black Elk Peak in South Dakota, Signal Hill on Mount Magazine in Arkansas, and as of a few weeks ago, Hawkeye Point in Iowa. Located near Sibley, roughly 20 minutes west of the Iowa Great Lakes, this highpoint is one of the more underwhelming highpoints in the U.S. You literally drive into the parking lot and walk over to this marker. 



Two benches at Hawkeye Point have been generously donated courtesy of the Highpointers Foundation and the Highpointers Club.



There are four of these signposts, letting one know how far the other high points in the states are, their names, and their elevation.



After our stop at Hawkeye Point, we drove over to Ocheyedan Mound, the location that was once considered the highest point in Iowa.


The top of the mount is in the middle just off to the right. While not a vigorous hike, by any means, I cracked jokes that we at least got to climb our Moundain (haha) for the day.



The old sign here tells one a bit about the mound.



My daughter stands on top of the Mound.



My dad walking towards me, and towards the top of the Mound.



A beautiful shot of where the Earth meets the Sky.



After we left the Mound, we made our way 20 minutes to the east, to the Iowa Great Lakes, and Lake Okoboji, in particular. We stopped at Burger King where I, of course, indulged in the Impossible Whopper. It's nice to have really tasty fast food options when you're plant-based like myself. BTW, these are incredibly yummy.



The lake was gorgeous on this breezy, sunny, perfect temperature day.



Stunning, really. I was a wee bit jealous of the people out on the lake in their boats. Next time.



After our quick stop at the Lake, we made our way over to the Iowa Rock'N Roll Museum. Located next to Arnold's Park, this small museum was impressive. I had no idea how much Iowa contributed to rock 'n roll back in the day.



A shot down the inside of the museum. Off to the left are two different little theatre rooms that show two different films about the history of rock in Iowa, and particularly it's growth in the Okoboji area.






A poster from the fateful tour that saw the plane-crash death of everyone in this poster. The tragic event is always referred to as The Day the Music Died.



Located in the same building as the Rock'N Roll museum is the Maritime Museum. Considering that the town was built around the lakes, it makes sense that this museum is here.



I was really impressed with the size of this museum and by just how many items they had inside. It's a free museum (for both of them) and so I'd highly recommend stopping here if you're ever in the area.



The last thing we did before leaving and heading back home was to take a walk around the lake itself. The sidewalk you see here connects the town with the lake houses here. The sidewalk eventually ends and turns into a dirt path. The dirt path is itself considered a state park. I found that interesting.

Well, we sure packed a lot into one day! This is not unusual as both my dad and myself are the same when it comes to taking day trip adventures, and when we get together, that seems to ramp up a notch. Like he says, "I'm not just going to sit around and watch tv." Same, Dad, same.
I know I was a bit late with my weekend post. Chalk it up to a three-day weekend that I was looking forward to immensely. I didn't have to travel anywhere and I didn't have any company, so I had three full days to enjoy local activities and get some things done around the house. And let's not forget about writing....I've been keeping busy with that as well. I hope your weekend was grand...mine sure was. 

Quality over Quantity

“It’s not more time you need. It’s more quality use of the time you already have.” 
― Alan Cohen

My parents got divorced when I was four and by age five I was in the full custody of my dad. My dad didn't get remarried until two weeks after I graduated high school, so we spent thirteen years living alone together. To say we were close would be an understatement. Not that we never fought, because let me tell you, we most definitely did, but we had an unbreakable bond.
Time, inevitably, changes everything, and such was the case between my dad and myself. I grew up and moved out on my own. Close at first, I gradually moved a little farther away each time, corresponding to my comfortableness at living on my own and learning how to navigate life as an adult. At this time, my dad was remarried and raising two step-daughters, both younger than me, so they became their own nuclear family. Due to distance, work, and other commitments, getting together didn't happen as frequently, and when it did, it was usually in the company of other people. While we were still close in some ways, the distance between my dad and myself became more palpable over time.
Eventually, I settled in about three hours away from my hometown, where I started a family; getting married and having children of my own. This only heightened the distance between us. We still spent a good four or five times a year visiting, but with others always around, we never spent the quality time together that we used to. Oh sure, we'd have long talks on the phone from time to time, but it's not the same.
All this changed last year, the summer of 2018 when I spent part of my vacation with my dad. My family and I drove up to my dad and stepmom's place where we spent a good five days. One day, my dad and I (both the avid hikers) wanted to do some hiking locally, but no one else wanted to go. So, my dad and I went alone. We talked like we hadn't talked in years, and it was wonderful. We kept going on hikes, day after day, that no one else wanted to go on, and Dad and I talked about everything. We discussed things we hadn't shared with each other or anyone else. We had deep, personal conversations in the kind of privacy we hadn't known since I was a child. We got to know each other all over again.
And just like that, we once again had an unbreakable bond. We decided on that trip, during those private conversations amongst the hills of Iowa, that we would go to South Dakota the following year and tackle Black Elk Peak. Fast forward a year, and that's exactly what we did. First, we did a three-hour hike of Bear Butte and then a six-hour hike of Black Elk Peak. While we did it with my children, they are faster than us so went off on their own leaving Dad and I hike together as a team while they did the same. This meant, that over the course of two days, my dad and I got nine solid hours of private, one-on-one time. This further cemented and strengthened our re-forged bond and made the hikes all the more meaningful.
We've actually spent quite a bit of time together this year, Dad and I, and we've hiked or walked a few times since South Dakota. We took a weekend trip to Hawkeye Point/Okoboji (post forthcoming), and he came down the following weekend to help me move my son back to college. He spent an extra day and we took a long city walk as well as a forest hike, both times with only each other. 
I relish the time, now, that I get to spend with Dad, hiking or walking. It's made me realize just how much important he is to me, how fortunate I am to have him, and how much I love him. Our bond is stronger than ever now, and I'm grateful.
Often, it's not the amount of time you spend with someone that counts, but rather the quality of the time that you do spend together. You only have so much time in your life bank, so use it wisely. No matter who you miss and love, carve out some quality time to spend with them. You won't regret it.

Latest Libations: Special Homebrew Edition

When you think of homebrewing, you probably imagine barrels of homemade lager (or some other kind of beer) fermenting away in someone's basement. Well, I'm here to tell you that there are other kinds of homebrews that one can make...not to mention easier. It's this last part that always gets my attention. I like making things, but I need them to be simple to make and require little in the way of prep time.



This is where my homemade schnapps comes in. As a Swede by heritage, I feel that it is my duty to make schnapps. I've been making schnapps for many years, and, in fact, one of my first posts here on my website (almost exactly seven years ago!) was about my homemade Mulberry-Mint schnapps. Over the years, I've gotten more sophisticated with my schnapps-making, and I'll typically make more than one flavor.
This summer's schnapps - pictured above - are as follows: 
1. Bloody Mary infusion. While not technically schnapps, it is infused in a similar fashion minus the sweetness.
2. Blackberry-Mint-Agave
3. Cherry-Lemon-Honey 
While I've already had one each of the latter two - and hence why I make more than one jar of each flavor - the others will be served at my annual potluck bbq.



I was watching some videos on YouTube this spring when I came across a Russian drink called Kvass. Similar to a light beer, this easy-to-make brew is made using hearty, dark rye bread. It only requires four ingredients and a couple of days from beginning to end to create, so I knew I HAD to try it. This batch was my second attempt at making Kvass, and while I haven't gotten it right just yet, mark my words....I will! 


Easy to make booze is my favorite kind to make. Why? Well...
* They require few ingredients* The ingredients they require are easily found in virtually any grocery store* The ingredients aren't expensive* They don't require much prep time* They require little to no effort on your part after the ingredients have been put together
So, if you have a hankering to make your own booze, try one of these kinds out. You can easily find recipes for them online, and you can click on my link above for a schnapps one. 
Have a great weekend.

Fall is Nearly Upon Us

As I sit here enjoying my morning coffee and looking out the window - as is my morning custom - I can't help but marvel at how quickly this year has flown by. It's August now, which means that Fall is almost here! If I seem excited about that, it's true. Fall is my favorite season. I mean, what's not to love?
Fall brings vivid, deep colors to the trees, the weather becomes cool enough for a light jacket or a long-sleeved shirt, pumpkin patches open, hayrack rides are enjoyed, the smell of spiced apple cider hangs around, and there's a clear crispness in the air that is pleasant and welcomed after a summer of heat and humidity.
I get out into the forest more times in the Fall than any other season, and it's one of my favorite things. The only downside is the shorter days, making day hikes during the weekend a must. Either way, I relish and welcome the season. I can't wait. 
Welcome back, Fall.

The Highpointer's Club

When my Dad and I signed in to the Black Elk Wilderness, he made an off-hand comment about the "Highpointers". Without much thought, nor having heard the entirety of what he said, I responded, "Oh yeah?" "They're people who climb the high points in every state," he replied.
Fast forward a few weeks when the euphoria of having climbed Black Elk Peak, the highest point in South Dakota, had died down, and I got to thinking about what Dad had said. I wondered how many other high points I had already been to. I remembered being on Signal Hill, the high point on Mt Magazine, located in the Ozarks of Arkansas. I remembered Pike's Peak - which, it turns out, is NOT the high point of Colorado. I wasn't in good shape back then and only made it to 9000 feet by car. This means, then, I have hiked two states' high points: South Dakota and Arkansas. 
Thinking of high points in every state got the wheels turning in my mind about how I should go to more of them. Since my dad lives an hour's drive from Iowa's high point, Hawkeye Point, I sent him an email about going. He liked the idea. I also mentioned that I wanted to take the kids to my own state's high point the next weekend (Panorama Point in southwestern Nebraska) and he shot back with, "Maybe we can take a long weekend down there sometime in October." Obviously, he doesn't want to be left out of my new goal and is onboard for highpointing with me.
So, today I'm traveling up to my Dad's with my youngest to make my way to my third highpoint. Three down, forty-five to go. Yes, I realize that is 48, but the majority of highpointers do the lower-48. I'll never do McKinley in Alaska, as that's the kind of hike that is for die-hards only, and I'm not sure if I'll ever make it to Hawaii, but I'll try my damndest to do the rest. Wish me luck!

My Kids on Mountains

On our recent vacation to South Dakota, we hiked Black Elk Peak. As usual, we all took plenty of pictures. A few, in particular, got me thinking about all the pictures I have of my kids on mountains. So, without further ado, here are pictures of them on various mountains.


This picture was taken at Petit Jean State Park in Spring of 2015. It's located in the Ozark Mountains in Arkansas, and it was the first time I had ever taken my kids to the mountains. This photo is their first glimpse of the Ozarks as they ran to meet the landscape. My son was already at the edge, taking photographs while my daughter catches up. This trip changed them and really fostered a love in them for hiking and nature. I mean, they had loved it before, but not nearly in the same way. Sometimes it takes a monumental event to spur you on, and the Ozarks certainly did that for my kids. This trip had a huge impact on them, something that is pronounced more and more in the following pictures.



This was the following year, 2016, at Pikes Peak in Colorado. I wasn't in good enough shape to make the drive to the summit, so we stopped here. The kids were disappointed but still enjoyed the beauty nonetheless. I vowed then that I would make that up to them later.



In 2017, we went back to Arkansas, but this time, I made sure to take them to Mount Magazine, the highest mountain in the Ozarks - and in Arkansas. This time, we hiked around on the mountain and made our way to Signal Hill, the official high point.



While not technically mountains, the Loess Hills are not only native to me but are the closet thing we have to mountains. In fact, I lovingly refer to them as the Iowa Mountains. We've hiked them many times, including this trip, which was this Spring. I snapped a photo of the kids, exhilarated as they looked out from the very top.



My son snapped this picture of my daughter as she peered over the edge of Bear Butte in South Dakota. At half the height of Black Elk Peak, it was just a taste of what was to come.



I snapped this photo of the kids when we were halfway up Black Elk Peak. Good thing, too, because they left my Dad and me in the dust right afterward.



My daughter took this picture of my son on the top of Black Elk Peak. You can see four states from here - Montana, Wyoming, North Dakota, and South Dakota - and it looks like he's holding up the clouds. 
As you can see, they definitely enjoy being a part of nature and make the most of it. I mean, how could you not? It is times like these that make one appreciate the magnificence of nature. In my humble opinion, there's nothing more humbling or awe-inspiring than standing on top of the world. I think the kids feel the same way.