H.A. Larson's Blog, page 23

Reflections on Being Another Year Older

It was my birthday this past weekend and it was amazing. Every year, my employer shuts down for 10-12 days over the holidays, and my birthday almost always falls during this time. This is great because I can do pretty much whatever I want for my birthday, depending on my budget. Last year I rented a cabin in a state park for three nights and it was simply wonderful. The weather was beautiful and I had purchased the rental in the summer when I had a few extra bucks. I am eternally grateful that I did that because I was so broke during 2017-2018 that if I hadn't of gotten the cabin, nothing fun would've happened for either my birthday or for the time off of work.
I've always held birthdays to be sacred in my house, making it a special occasion for myself and the kids. Unlike some people, I genuinely enjoy getting older and love celebrating my birthday. As always, my Dad called to sing me "Happy Birthday" which officially kicks it off. Afterward, I took a five-mile walk, went out for lunch and did some shopping with the kids, took them to see Zombieland: Double Tap (I highly recommend this fun movie, and you don't need to watch the first one to enjoy it.), and made it home in time to get ready for the birthday party I had planned with my friends. We all brought a shareable snack, drinks, sang some karaoke, played a rousing game of Cards Against Humanity, and exchanged White Elephant gifts. A great time was had by all, and everyone shuffled out around 1:30 a.m., tipsy, full, and happy. 
Today, as I look forward to another 10 days off of work, I reflect on the great weekend I had celebrating my birthday. It was everything you could hope for in a birthday. However, I also reflect on the year since my last one. It was a hard year, emotionally, for me. The first part of the past year was one of the darkest times I've ever been through. I feared, for awhile, that I might never come out of it all. Eventually, I did and when I did, I came out stronger than I ever have been in my entire life. I reclaimed who I was, but, more importantly, I gained a lot. I gained insight, patience, and the type of wisdom that comes from experience and growth. 
It's a far cry from where I was this exact moment one year ago when the world was a dark place. I was miserable and I felt so hopeless. I self-medicated and withdrew. Now, I'm present, not only for myself but for the people I care about the most. I had lost all my creative fire, but it's back, and I feel positive about it for the first time in a long time. 
There's a saying that we all know: Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. While I've always gotten the gist of what that means it wasn't until recently that I really and truly was able to relate to it. Why? Because it's true. The strength I have now wouldn't have been possible had I not gone through the toughest period of my adult life. I'm now ready to embrace my future and I'm bursting into the next year with fervor. 
Welcome to 48.


I hope you have the Merriest of Christmases. I'm looking forward to the rest of my break - including a trip that I'll be posting about later. I've also decided to still post twice a week, but on whatever days I get to posting. I've decided that structure isn't always the best or necessary thing. 
With love, H.A.

The Return of Winter Hiking

I took this photo this past weekend on a solo hike at Neale Woods. A dusting of snow was on the ground while more snow lightly fell from the sky. The temperature was in the 20s with no wind, and, overall, it was quite lovely. 



I relished the opportunity to hike this morning as it was a welcome return to winter hiking. I love hiking any time of the year, but winter holds its own special place in my heart. The trees are bare, giving me a range of visibility that I can't get in other seasons.



Winter in nature is absolutely beautiful, covering everything in a white, powdery layer.



So lovely and calm.



But, my favorite part of winter hiking? The quiet solitude. Only the die-hards hike in earnest this time of the year, making for a chance to commune with nature in a way that I can't other times of the year. You don't hear animals, you don't hear or see other people (very often), and the snow insulates all other sounds. What you're left with are your thoughts and the sound of your own footsteps as they crunch ever-so-lightly in the snow. Nothing rejuvenates me in quite the same way. 




I recently revealed the cover for my latest book - to be released late Spring or early Summer 2020 - in this post. Also, my latest piece on Helmet is up on the Slime&Grime site, so go check that out!

The Miles

Those of you who've been reading this blog for any length of time, already know my obsession with walking and hiking. My goal for the past year and a half has been to walk/hike at least 100 miles a month. Lately, however, my walking goals have started to change. 
When I started making walking a daily thing, it was me walking back and forth to work with weekend hiking here and there. A year later, and with a big hike looming, I started walking on my lunch break as well - still with the weekend hiking here and there. This prompted me to join the Highpointers Club with a goal of hiking my first 14er (a mountain higher than 14,000 feet). 
Then, about a month or so ago, I was reading some articles on the internet and ran across one about a woman who was an ultra walker. Now, I had heard of ultra running before, but never ultra walking. Ultra runners run long distances of 50 miles or more, with many running 100 miles. Ultra walking is exactly the same thing, but instead of running, they walk. I found the article fascinating and started a tiny fire inside. So, ultra walking became another goal to achieve.
As of right now, I don't have any plans to walk 50 miles or more, but I do have a goal of walking a marathon. So, I've been adding long-distance walking on the weekends to my routine. Right now I'm walking six miles or better at one stretch and my shorter goal is to walk a half-marathon early next year. Of course, all this long-distance walking has made me realize that I need to find yet another pair of appropriate shoes. haha Walking long distances require a quality walking shoe with good cushioning and support. I haven't found my perfect pair yet but I'm open to suggestions if you have any!
I've also realized that I need to beef up my walking regimen with some cardio, so I'm looking into starting something akin to CrossFit, but something I can do at home and doesn't require equipment. I'm also open to suggestions for this as well!  
Wish me luck and I'll make sure to update you as my training progresses.

Cover Reveal: Buried

Writing is a passion of mine and has been ever since I started writing my first book back in 2013. I wrote pretty steadily after that, churning out four more books in three-years time. Then, life happened, and I haven't finished a book since then. That's not to say I haven't started a new book, because I have. In fact, I've started five other books and a couple of short stories. One of the latter I actually finished and released it as a series in my monthly newsletters, and while it wasn't my best work, it was completed - something I haven't done since 2017. 
Since life stabilized for me over the course of this year, I've found myself slowly, but surely, easing back into writing more frequently. In fact, I'm just about back into my full swing, much to my relief. I say relief because when life sucked for a while, I had erroneously assumed that my writing career was dead, at least for the time being. I was wrong. My urge to create was always there, it was just overshadowed by bigger things. 
My latest book is moving along, and I'm quite proud to reveal the cover for you now:




And now that you've seen the cover, how about a snippet of the story?

Insomnia had become her companion, more out of necessity and fear than anything else. Instead, she stared at the plaster pattern on the ceiling, wondering why she should be in the predicament she found herself. Even the years she was with Dan hadn’t been as bad as the past month of her life. 
She had been married to Dan for twenty-five years when she finally realized that he wasn't into their marriage. For her part, she was thoroughly sick of his cheating ways, his constant verbal abuse, and his overall disconnect with her and their life together. Why she had stayed with him so long was due to her timidness and the real fear that she wouldn’t be able to manage life without him. He was the main breadwinner – making three times what she did – and she wasn’t sure she could make it on her own. Still, her moment of clarity gave her the courage she had needed to pack up her things and drive across town to her parent's house. When Dan had finally called her cell phone to track her down, she had calmly asked for a divorce and ended the call.
She wasn't surprised, but she was broken-hearted when he didn't try to call her back or talk her out of it. Her fears that he wasn't into their marriage was correct, but she still loved him, even if he didn't love her. She spent the next several days crying in her old bedroom-turned-guestroom, allowing herself to grieve, before she wiped away her tears and started putting her life back together, albeit in a different way.
Her Dad had never liked Dan, so he was perfectly fine with the split, but her Mom, ever the old-fashioned worrier, voiced her concerns. "Well, Alice Marie," she began, annoying Alice who hated her middle name, "what are you going to do without a husband?"
“Yeah, Alice, whatever will you do without a husband,” her older brother Robbie had mocked. 



So, what do you think? Let me know in the comments! Are you ready for Buried ? I'm excited for you to read it! I'll release more snippets as time progresses, but you can expect Buried to be released by Summer 2020.

In the meantime, my latest piece on Helmet is up on the Slime&Grime site, so go check it out.

The Unstoppable Tide of Change

When I was young, I hated change. I thought a change was the worst thing ever, with good reason. Kids typically need a sense of security and nothing gives a kid more security than everything staying the same. As I got older though, I learned to embrace change. You'll never know how good - or bad as the case may be - something is until you try something new. After all, if things don't change you can suffer from boredom and stagnation.
I've gone through plenty of positive changes over the years: moving to different states, having children, taking a chance on a new employer, etc. Just this year, in fact, I went through another big change. While I stayed with the same employer I had been at for nearly three years, I took a different position with more responsibility and higher pay. While it's been wonderful in some ways, it's also been difficult in others. While I made a positive step in my career, I left an office of people that I adored. We had great camaraderie together and a sense of family. I was happy, then, when I moved over to my new position to make a friend almost right away. 
Emily started working for my employer, and my new department, about three weeks before me so we instantly bonded. Over the intervening months, we became good work friends, taking lunches together, running various errands for our job, and doing personal errands on lunch breaks. Since I walk back and forth to work, she was instrumental in helping me get personal business things taken care of during the workweek.
So, when Emily decided to get married and be a stay-at-home wife, I did what any good friend would do, and that was to be happy for her and congratulate her. This was something she had always wanted from her life and her fiance felt the same way. How could I not be happy for her? Well, while I was happy for her, I was sad for me. Not only was I losing my work friend - the person I could talk to day in and day out about all my ups and downs - but also all the little things we would do together - like go out for lunch and errand-running. 
She got married a few weeks ago, and I admit that I miss her quite a bit. Oh, I've adjusted, but work hasn't been quite the same. Such is life. Change is inevitable and since we can't stop it, the next best thing we can do is embrace it. We're searching for her replacement, and I get to help in the process. I hope her replacement is as good at the job as she was, and who knows? Maybe I'll gain a new work friend.

I hope you had a good weekend, my friends, and that you're living your best life. My latest piece on Helmet is up on the Slime&Grime site, so go check it out!

Too Many What-Ifs

Lately, I've been plagued with a case of the What-Ifs. What if I had done this instead of that? What if I had done that instead of this? What if I had moved here? What if I had known about this when I was young, where would I be now? The list...it is endless. 
I blame this case of the What-Ifs on my dreamer nature. I'm prone to bouts of wild imagination and flights of fancy. If there's a hint of reckless abandon and adventure to it, I'm probably going to be interested in it to the point of obsession. 
Where does this bout of What-Ifs come from? What is the driving force behind them? Well, if I'm being honest, it's a result of two things: regret and a fleeting sense of time. There's nothing like getting older to realize that your time here isn't endless. When you're young, you mistakenly think you have plenty of time to do the things you want to do. Well, I'm here to tell you this isn't always the case.
Does this mean it's too late for me to finally fulfill my lifelong dreams and goals? Absolutely not, but it does mean that I have less time to pursue them...to make them a reality. It's this realization that probably spurs on these episodes of the What-Ifs. With less time to reach goals and dreams, I think the pressure is on. Granted, it's self-induced, but just as relevant.
Do you ever suffer from a case of the What-Ifs? Let me know in the comments below.


My latest show review, on Helmet, is up on the Slime&Grime website. Read it by clicking here!

Thankfulness

More than a decade ago, we decided as a family that we weren't going to travel for the holidays anymore - Thanksgiving and Christmas - nor would we have company over for said holidays. Why? Well, the last holiday I traveled for was the Thanksgiving before that fateful decision. That holiday ended up being filled with drama and stress, a reoccurring theme that had plagued many a holiday before it. It was a miserable and unhappy experience that I just didn't want to deal with anymore. Why did a holiday, meant to celebrate family and all the other things we're grateful for, feel like the worst experience ever? So, we started celebrating together, in the microcosm, and I've never regretted that decision. Our holidays are cozy, happy, and relaxed. 
Every year, as soon as November starts, I invariably see the numerous social media posts celebrating 30 days of Thankfulness. Practically everyone spends the month letting the whole world know the things they are thankful for. Well, you know what? I'm thankful for everything, all the time. I don't need November to roll around to start being grateful for the good in my life. Nor do I need a holiday to celebrate my family and friends.
Spending time with your family, or any of the people you love and care for doesn't have to be relegated to just the Thanksgiving holiday. If you truly love and care for someone, make time for that person - or people, whatever the case may be - other days of the year. It's not really that hard to do, you just have to make it a priority once in a while. It's something I've learned to do over the past few years. Especially when it comes to my parents. I've taken vacations with my Dad and take plenty of hiking jaunts with him, and it's been a wonderful, reuniting experience. I've also tried my best to spend more time with my Mom and Grandma, although they live in Texas so it's more difficult. I made the trip to Missouri to see them when they went up for a family function, and I'm going to spend some of my Christmas holidays as a girl's trip with Mom and Grandma. 
I don't need a holiday to spend time with any of them, I just need to make the time. I hope, no matter what you did for Thanksgiving, that it was a peaceful time doing exactly what made you happy. 
It's now December and in a few more weeks it will be Christmas again! My newsletter goes out tomorrow, so sign up for it today if you haven't already. Just click on the menu icon in the upper left-hand corner of this site.

Portland Vacation: Walking Around the City

Good morning! I hope your weekend was great. I caught something viral from my daughter so I wasn't feeling the greatest from Thursday through the weekend. Mostly body aches and a sore throat, so I spent a good portion of those days resting, sleeping, and drinking herbal tea with honey. I finally felt decent enough yesterday to take a hike, something I really needed after several days of no activity. If that wasn't bad enough, I had PMS and ate all the food. haha 
Anyway, I didn't get a weekend post up because of this, so we'll do a Monday and Friday post this week. Today, I'm wrapping up my mini-vacation to Portland posts. This first picture was just a photo I captured the night I arrived. I didn't get to Lisa's house until around 6:30 p.m., so I dropped off my luggage and we went off in search of food. On the way, I saw this cool neon sign and decided to snap a photo. Now, you already know we went to Multnomah Falls the next day, but here's what I did on Monday when Lisa had to work - besides the Japanese Gardens, which warranted it's own post.



After Lisa left for work, I got ready, drank some strong coffee, then hopped on the bus and headed downtown. My first destination was The Freakybuttrue Peculiarium and Museum. The pictures and description I saw on the internet sure made it seem like it was right up my alley and the entrance price was $5, so I thought, "Why not?" To my disappointment, the whole 'museum' was one large room and didn't have enough in it to really spend more than a few minutes. So, a bit of a tourist trap but it was still mildly interesting.
I took this photo of their dollhouse, filled with gruesome scenes of death and other creepy things. Again, this is right up my alley. Definitely not your daughter's dollhouse!



There was an alien display, complete with alien experiments on humans, but I loved the control panel from inside their "ship". Some of the phrases on there should be quite familiar to you, including De Peche Mode, Flux Capacitor, and Klaatu Barada Nikto. 



After the Museum, I walked a few miles to this vegan cheese shop to get a large vegan cheese platter for lunch. I would post it here, along with more description, but since I had a handful of good vegan food in Portland, I'm making a separate post about it. After I ate lunch, I walked another few miles up to Washington Park - besides the Japanese Garden, this park has TONS of stuff to do. This statue marks the Park, but, as you can see, it's been vandalized.



This statue of Sacajawea keeps watch. From here I headed straight to the Japanese Gardens.



After my visit to the Japanese Gardens, I slowly made my way out of the park to see some of the various other things contained within. One of the many things you can do and see in the park is the International Rose Test Garden. A few roses were still in bloom as they are a hearty flower.



As I made my way further down, I came to the Holocaust Memorial. 



Lots of names adorn the backside of the memorial. The front has a handful of quotes that were quite powerful. There was only one other person here when I was, so it was a somber, reflective time to think about some of the darker aspects of history.



Our plan was for me to meet up with Lisa at her job when her shift ended, so after I left the park, I walked the few miles from the park to her job. Along the way, I walked over the Hawthorne Bridge which goes over the Willamette River. As you can see, there's a neat trail down along the water. Last year when I was here, I walked on it a bit after I left the OMSI.
After Lisa got off work, we went to the White Owl Social Club to have a bite to eat and a drink. Incidentally, it's the only place I went to last year that I went to this year as well.



After we left there, we hopped on the bus and headed back to Lisa's neighborhood. A few blocks from her house is the neatest Mercado. This Mercado has a handful of Hispanic food trucks with picnic tables and string lights next to them. Sitting next to that is a large building that has a small tienda, a meat market, indoor seating, and a small bar. We sat in the small bar and had a drink. Just look at the decor! The bartender knows Lisa and was the nicest person. He even bought me this beer. It was a nice way to end my visit.
Very early the next morning I flew home, thus ending my yearly trip to Portland. I have one more post coming up for all my foodie friends, such as myself, so stay tuned for that.
Have a great week!

Healthy Life: It's Time for a Change

Last month, I talked about getting real with myself again. The scale not only hadn't moved in months, but it had started to backslide a bit as well - seven pounds to be exact. So, when my boss asked me to do keto with him for a month, I decided to go for it. All was well...at first. I lost the seven pounds I had gained and I was off to a great start, but, then, the scale stopped moving again.
This went on for a good three weeks and I started feeling frustrated. Why? Why was the scale just not moving in 10 months? I analyzed my diet: 1500 calories per day, check. I analyzed my exercise: average 4.5 miles/day walking or hiking, check. I analyzed the foods I was eating: salads, veggies, and a few low-carb items to curb cravings, check. If my diet, food choices, and level of activity were so great, why was I not losing weight? I mean, I was doing everything right....or was I?
What I started to take a hard look at again, was my alcohol consumption. No, I wasn't drinking during the week, but I have a bad habit of drinking all weekend. I enjoy drinking beer and love nothing better than knocking several back on my days off. But, was it preventing me from losing weight? I decided to find out.
I started reading articles and watching videos about the correlation between drinking and weight-loss and what I found was distressing. My drinking is absolutely preventing me from losing weight. Now, this is something I've talked about before, but this time, I was dutifully careful to maintain my diet, calorie-intake, and level of exercise. Be this as it may, the alcohol is obviously still my problem.
So, I'm swearing off alcohol for a while. I have done this before, for a month, but this time I'm going to go for two months. I think two months is long enough for me to determine if alcohol is actually my real problem. I figure, if I eliminate the booze and finally lose weight, then my theory (something that experts agree on) will be correct. I start today, so wish me luck. I'll report back mid-January with the results.

Portland Vacation: The Japanese Gardens

The day after we went to Multnomah Falls, my friend Lisa had to work, so I had the day to myself to explore Portland - this was exactly the same as last year, and I relish the opportunity to explore places on my own. I hopped on the bus and headed downtown to go to some various places. One of those places was The Japanese Gardens.


This lion guards the entrance to the Gardens.
In the northwestern part of the city lies Washington Park. This park is gigantic and has a host of things one can do there. Most are free but some, like The Japanese Gardens, cost a bit of money. Last year, Lisa and I missed the bus to Multnomah Falls so we ended up hiking a total of 11 miles within Forest Park, which extends up the north of Washington Park, to reach Pittock Mansion.



The Japanese Gardens are entered by a unique visitor's center where they have displays and demonstrations about how they care for the Gardens. Outside of the visitor center are a handful of different kinds of small trees like bonsai. Some had lost their leaves to Fall already, but some, like this one, were still green.



The landscaping is impeccable and filled with ponds and sculptures peppered with Japanese style walkways and buildings.



Fall in Portland is just gorgeous and the Gardens are living proof of that.






They have a few falls, but this was the biggest one. It flowed so peacefully into this serene pond.



One of the few other falls within the Gardens.



A small shelter with a bench. I think one could sit here and truly feel like they were in Japan. It's lovely.



I loved this distinctive walkway.






This is a huge rock garden. I almost missed it as the path to reach it is nearly invisible. If not for a viewing platform that looks out over this, and that I nearly didn't go take a look over, then I would have missed this amazing feature. I had a small rock garden of my own once, and I've always admired pictures of large ones such as this, but I had never seen one in the flesh and it was so neat. Since it's not easily found, there was only one other person there when I was there. I sat on one of the benches there and just thought about nothing. It was beautiful

The Japanese Gardens are a bit pricey to visit - I think I spent $15 - but totally worth it. It was ridiculously beautiful and photographs cannot quite do it justice. I did some other fun stuff this day, and in Washington Park, and I'll be posting about that later this coming week. Stay tuned!