H.A. Larson's Blog, page 28

Life Lately

Where do I begin? As you, my faithful reader, know, last year was the roughest year of my life. There are so many layers to unpack that I have no desire to try to peel all of that away, so I'll give you the condensed version. 
When the dawn of 2018 began, I felt like I was on top of the world. I was active and involved in a couple of organizations that I thought were ways of me making a difference as well as ways of making me an important figure within a certain movement. I was wrong. Well, I wasn't necessarily wrong about what my potential could have been, what I was wrong about was the idealized, romanticized notions I had about them. 
Also, what I failed to notice because it had been buried so deep within myself that I didn't even recognize it, was that I was intensely miserable, depressed, and hopeless. So many crappy things had happened to me over the decade prior that it had created some serious baggage. This baggage was so well-stuffed down and hidden by my psyche that I didn't even know it was there. A snowball effect happened sometime in the summer of 2018, and it turned into an avalanche that completely changed me and the course of my life.
It took me until the past few months to start to unpack all this baggage and recognize it for what it was. I had thought I was getting "better" at the beginning of 2019, but I realized that I am not. Well, let me rephrase that. I am getting "better", but I'm not the same person I was a year ago. Not even close. 
Because of this, I've found it hard to write. For months now, my creative spark to create stories has just not been there. Even writing here in my blog came to a stop. At first, it really bothered me because I was so used to writing. I mean, I spent the last five years writing continuously. When you devote that much time and energy to something, only to find it come to a complete halt, it can be unsettling. 
Eventually, though, I accepted the fact that writing just wasn't in the cards for me - at least for the time being - and began rebuilding my life in a new way. I've spent the past few months doing just that. I got promoted to a newer, better position at my job, I've gotten back into interests that I put on the backburner to raise my kids - they're older now and that gives me more me time, and I've spent a significant amount of time just being myself. I can't express just how therapeutic this has all been for me.
It's been so therapeutic, in fact, that I'm starting to feel that creative drive start to creep back up behind me. Once a writer, always a writer, eh? I don't know what that's going to look like, going forward, but I do know that I'm back to writing. It's a slow start at this point, but it's still a start. As usual, I share it all with you...because that's what writers do. 
Onward and forward, never backward.
-H.A.

Spring Has Arrived

Ahh, Spring. While I had acclimated quite well to Winter and got outside plenty, I have to admit that I was longing for Spring. This last weekend saw perfect temperatures and the green coming back to the land, so I decided it was the perfect time to get outside for a hike. Of course, where else would I go but to my beloved Iowa Mountains?



I went to my second favorite place around here to hike: Hitchcock Nature Center. With its many miles of trails of different difficulty levels, nature center, viewing tower, campsite, and commanding views from the ridges, what's not to love?



Just look at that view! Breathtaking. 



This raptor flew in circles over my head, fairly close actually, a few times. It was an impressive sight.



If you look closely at the center, on top of the ridge, you can see the end of a foot path. That foot path is called Angel's Dead End, and it was my destination. I've always called it my nemesis because if I was adventurous enough to climb it, I would have to stop several times. It's very steep and difficult to climb. I've climbed it more now in the last twelve months than the rest of the past decade combined.



And here I am at the top, taking a photo down the path and over the landscape. This was the first time I had ever climbed this path where I didn't have to stop once. Granted, I was breathing like I was dying when I reached the top, but I DID it! It was a goal of mine and I was proud of myself for having done it. 

I'm ready for the next three seasons of good hiking, and I have a few goal trips planned for Summer. Stay tuned for those. Until then, I hope you have a great week.
All the best,
H.A. 

Toughies Paddle Upstream

When I was growing up, my Dad had an expression he would throw out once in awhile: Toughies Paddle Upstream. He got the expression from a t-shirt he got after his first trip to the Boundary Waters on the border between the U.S. and Canada. He loved to canoe and he canoe'd the Boundary Waters. It was tough though, because one has to paddle upstream. If you've ever rowed a boat, you'll understand the difficulty that paddling upstream can be. 
While the expression referred to paddling upstream, literally, my Dad used it figuratively to describe life. The tough paddle upstream. Undaunted and undeterred, they see an obstacle and they overcome it. I feel that it's a good metaphor...it's fitting. 
In our lives, we all face hard times and obstacles. How we deal with them makes all the difference in the world. Do you want to lay down and give up, or would you rather try to conquer it. The end result is more satisfying if you conquer rather than quit. Trust me on this.
In my own life, I've been through many hard times, and I've dealt with them in the worst and the best of ways. Recently, I almost had a regression into dark times, but I thought about my Dad and could hear him say, "Toughies paddle upstream," and I decided that it was time to row myself out.
Thanks, Dad.

Coffee Talk: Winter, Walking, and Writing

March has arrived and I realized that it's been a while since I've done a coffee talk. Well, I have my coffee and I'm ready to talk, so let's chat.

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For the first time in several years, we have had a true winter here in the Midwest. We've had tons of snow and cold weather as opposed to the normal, mild winters we usually have. In fact, I was looking at my facebook memories yesterday and I was outdoors the last couple of years. There was no snow and everyone was light jackets last year, and t-shirts the year before that. Crazy to see considering how yesterday was -3 degrees F in the morning with a cold wind that was described as "dangerous" by the weather outlets. 
Now, while I've acclimated to winter this year, and the coldest in years, I am starting to long for spring.

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Speaking of yesterday's cold, it was the first day in quite some time that I couldn't walk back and forth to work. The wind was the kind that takes your breath away, and I just wasn't ready to walk in that. There are limits to my walking to work, and yesterday tested that limit. I didn't go hiking this past weekend either for the same reason. It was just stupid cold.
I am, of course, still walking and hiking as much as possible, and I'm still tracking my mileage. In January, I walked/hiked 80.68 miles and in February, I walked/hiked 88.38. I think it's funny how I managed to walk/hike more in February when A) it was colder than January, and B) it was a shorter month than January. I guess you can say that I'm a bit obsessive about getting my miles in at this point. 

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While I'm writing, it's still more at a snail's pace. I'm definitely feeling like normal these days, but that normal is different than it used to be. This means I'm still trying to adjust to my new normal. I'm loving it, and I'm embracing it, but I'm now fully aware of the fact that I need to ease myself back into writing. It's not for a lack of ideas or a constant stream of words, storylines, and atmospheric conjuring on my part, it's more that I'm just not fully in my writing mode yet. But, I am getting there. I'm also a bit behind on my newsletter this month, but it's nearly done.
It's not entirely due to adjustment, however, as you all know that I started my new position with my employer. It's a wonderful, but challenging, new change, and it has been taking up much of mental prowess right now. Once I get more settled into my new role, I'll have more time to think of other things.



Well, that's it for Coffee Talk for this time around. I hope you stay warm, happy, and healthy, my friends.
Until next time,
H.A.

Winter's Glory

For the first time in many years, we've finally succumbed to a true winter. We haven't seen this much snowfall in years and, to be quite honest, I love it. Yes, I'm admitting that I actually like snow. I know that comes as a shock considering how I've complained about winter and the cold for the last several winters running. Well, things are different this year.
Now that I've committed myself to get outside no matter the weather; to walk, hike, or just go do things, I have rediscovered a love of all seasons. I've always loved Spring and Fall best - and I've come to appreciate the hot, humid, bug-filled Summers - but Winter is now squarely third on my list of favorite seasons.



I still walk back and forth to work almost every single day, but I try to get out once each weekend for a hike. I've learned a few things about hiking in the Winter, that's for sure.


If the weather is warm enough for the snow to be soft and wet, hiking in it is akin to hiking in sand. It's difficult, treacherous, and quite the workout.


But, regardless, hiking in the Winter, while cold, is breathtaking (sometimes literally).


The previous four pictures were taken out at Hitchcock Nature Center, over in my beloved Iowa Mountains. This picture, and the following three, were taken at my favorite hiking spot: Neale Woods, which sits in the Ponca Hills.


From the Neale Woods viewing platform, you can see the Loess Hills aka the Iowa Mountains, in the distance.




I love how the light in this picture shines lightly through the dark trees, creating a gorgeous contrast.


This picture, and the following three, were taken out at Schramm State RA. The full hike is a solid three miles, so makes for a quick, easy hike. The sun was brighter this day, making is seem more cheerful than dreary.


I love the suspension bridge. 


Animal tracks.


Schramm is unique in that it used to be a fish hatchery. While it isn't anymore, it still has all the hatchery ponds, a geological rock wall, a museum, and plenty of geese who hang out in the ponds.

It's nice to be one with my home and get out in it in every season. Being outside in Winter again reminds me of all the fun times I had growing up as a kid. All those snow forts, sledding, ice skating, and trudging through the forest with my friends or my dad...fond memories. Enjoy your Winter, I know I sure am!

I Got It!

Recently, I alluded to what I hoped would be the first of a few great changes in my life. At the time, I didn't want to get into detail because I wasn't sure if what I hoped would happen would happen. Well...it did! I'm happy to share that after nearly three years at my job, I was offered and accepted a better-paying, more advanced position with my current employer. I work at a University and I'm moving out of administration and into academia, and I am beyond excited for the transition! 
I've made a lot of changes to my life since the dawn of 2018 and I'm ready for those changes. I guess my horoscope was right when it said 2019 is my year. Let's keep our fingers crossed!

A Trip of a Lifetime

When I went to Ireland back in November of 2014, I went with my best friend, Keith. After that trip, Keith made a vow to travel to every continent, so it wasn't long before he went to Germany, Australia, Peru, and South Africa. Unfortunately, his trip to Asia in 2017 was cut short by the death of his father. While his trip there is rescheduled, his trip to Antarctica was still in the cards for late 2018, and so I dropped him off at the airport, excited for him but slightly jealous.


This image and all others of Antarctica are courtesy of my best friend, Keith.
In my life, I've known and met plenty of people who have traveled all over the world, but I've never, ever known anyone who's actually gone to Antarctica. Keith flew to Argentina where he caught a large boat from Tierra del Fuego on the Southernmost tip of South America.



Wow, just wow.



The made a few pit stops on islands around the continent before finally setting foot on Antarctica itself.



I can't even imagine how amazing this must have been for him to stand in this spot and admire, not only the majestic beauty of it but to contemplate being where he was.



Nearly a month after he arrived back home, I received the post card he sent me from the post office in Antarctica (how cool is that?!).




All it simply said was, "I made it!"

Indeed you did, Keith, indeed you did. 

Today is the First Day of the Rest of my Life

Photo courtesy from here.
Undoubtedly, if you've followed my blog for any length of time, you realize the struggles I faced last year. The truth is, the whole mess started brewing in earnest a couple of years ago and is just now starting the last yards of its journey. How I got from there to here is an epic tale, but suffice it to say, it's nearing the end.

It was never my intention last year to let my blog devolve into a series of vague posts about my personal struggles. While it's true that my blog is definitely a personal look into my life, I've always strived to be personal without being too personal. I failed at that over the past year. Do I regret it? Looking back now, I can say that I do not. We all need a place, space, or person/people to work out our issues, and I am no different.

What started the downward spiral two years ago, and how I subsequently dealt with it, has brought me to this exact moment in my life. I've pondered on my life a lot lately, and I've had several breakthroughs, but over the past few days, I've really come full circle. I now know why I've dealt with things the way I have over the past few years which means I can now deal with it all properly.

It was an "a-ha!" moment honestly, an "I'm awake at 2:00 a.m." moment when realization washed over me. While I won't get into details, I can say with certainty that everything makes sense now and I feel I can finally move forward - baby steps if needed - in a new direction. Trust me, I really need a new direction.

Today, I have a chance to start what I hope will be the first of many great changes and chances that will redefine my life and create my best year ever.

Remember when I talked about the Five-Year Shift? My current one is in full swing.

I'm ready to reinvigorate my writing career with a new book and a new path. I'll be giving you glimpses into that starting next month. Of course, if you sign up for my newsletter (upper left-hand corner) you can find that information there first before here. I'll also be gearing up for a new short story series for my March newsletter, so don't miss out!

I've got some cool posts on the horizon as well that you won't want to miss. Stay tuned for it all.

-H.A.

An Infamous Grave

Recently, my dad came to visit on the same day that we needed to take The Teen back to Lincoln for the second semester of classes. We all drove down together, then, and spent time checking out things in Lincoln. We started at Morrill Hall, which I will make a separate post about later. 
My dad is a geocacher, and he never misses a chance to find ones in places he's never been before. Because of this, we spent a bit of time at the Wyuka Cemetery. Both caches he was looking for there were what are called virtual caches. You get a few clues, general coordinates, and then it's up to you to find and log it. 



The cemetery itself reminds me quite a bit of Forest Lawn Cemetery here in Omaha. Plenty of mausoleums, a military section, and a baby cemetery.






While my dad searched for the first virtual cache, which he found pretty easily, I walked around and snapped pictures. I love cemeteries. When it was time to find the second virtual cache, dad had trouble finding it so I walked around the area as well, in order to help him. As soon as I laid eyes on the grave, I knew it was the one.



I found the final resting place of Charles Starkweather. Now, if you're unfamiliar with who Charles Starkweather is, let me start by telling you he was a teenaged spree killer who killed eleven people between late 1957 and well into 1958. Books, movies, and even songs, were written and made about Charles Starkweather and the killings. As someone who's always been interested in crime history and stories, I was fascinated by this. For more information, you can read the Wikipedia article about him.

A True Winter's Hike

This past weekend was a holiday weekend, so I was fortunate enough to have a three-day weekend. The weather was also yucky enough to spend the first two days inside, where I relaxed, super-cleaned the house, and got several little projects done that needed to be taken care of. However, while I was productive inside, I'm still an outdoor girl at heart. So, on Monday, then, I put on the warm base layers I had purchased over the holidays, put on some good outer layers, and went out to Hitchcock Nature Center for a true winter's hike.



Now, for my loyal readers, you already know how I made a promise to myself last year that I would no longer be afraid to walk/hike/be outside in general no matter what the weather conditions. This, then, was a true test of my will to be outside. It was cold, so very cold. 



It was also stunningly gorgeous. I have to admit, that being in the forest any time of the year is beautiful. 



I've now been to HNC in every single season, and it's lovely in each one. It's more than that though - it's almost like being in a different place each time, yet familiar. 



While I saw maybe four other cars there, I only ran across two people. It's another nice bonus to have the extreme weather give you more private time to commune with nature.



I only ended up hiking 2.5 miles as it's tougher to hike in this weather and I'm not used to it, but that will change. Now that I know that my base layers provide good protection and that I can truly hike in any weather...I'll be getting outside more this winter than any winter previously.
And since I'm still walking to work every day, I'm getting my miles in as well.
Have a great week, friends and fans.