Jess Riley's Blog, page 4

Social Me-Me-Media

I recently read a post on Writer Unboxed by Keith Cronin, about
how the Facebook status update or 140-character tweet your favorite author just
posted probably went through four drafts and painstaking edits.  Because it’s all about professional presentation,
consistency, message branding, etc. And then I laughed and cringed because
yeah, pretty much.




 (Not that I’m anyone’s
favorite author; I just try to play one on TV.) But I digress. I even maintain
a file called “tweets and FB updates,” and anytime something funny happens I
drop it in, tinker around with it, post it somewhere later or not. I’ve only
recently been Tteeting more, and my attitude toward Twitter has changed from “I’m
way too old and cranky for these shenanigans” to “I wonder if anyone will retweet
my post about Paul Ryan doing kegels during the #SOTU?”
Deciding what to post is trickier. I have the most fun just
being my goofy self. But when I have an author event or book release on
deck, I start to really sweat, because I HATE—yes all four capital letters--HATE
posting promo stuff. I always imagine people wrinkling their nose or thinking, “Not her
again!” or “Yeah, we heard you the first time, Braggy Annoystein.”




It’s fairly safe to assume that if you’ve just seen a post
anywhere from me about my books, I’m curled in a ball beneath my
desk, sweat beading my upper lip, waiting for my intestines to stop spasming. Two posts down? I nearly DIED after I wrote that.
Because really, it’s great to put the word out that you’ve
released something new, or if you’ll be at the Bedford Falls Public Library
this Thursday night reading gluten-free haikus or your book is on sale for
negative cents this weekend, but then I like to sit back and see what happens
organically. Because sometimes on Twitter it feels like I’m running down the
midway at the local carnival and everyone’s shouting at me: “Buy my book! Buy
my sales tool! Buy now! Buy later! Die penniless and alone in a ditch if you
don’t! Aaiiieeeeee!”




So I try to stick to witty shit like, “Sonicare toothbrushes
are great, if you always wondered what the noon whistle would sound like going
off inside your head.”
OR:




Me: “Wow, did you hear my stomach gurgle?”
J: “It’s the sound of your body turning pizza into poop!” #ValentinesDay
#SoRomantic! #married 10years




This is the kind of groundbreaking humor you’re missing
when don’t follow me on Twitter.
I recently even went so far as to delete any references to
the titles of my books on my Twitter home page. I figure if people find me
amusing, they know where to find me (usually here, or eating Feta right from
the container in front of American Pickers on my new couch). I’ve never bought
a book because of a Twitter post, but I have started to follow other authors
more closely because they’re funny, they have interesting things to say, they
link to informative articles. It always boils down to relationship-building,
doesn’t it? And knowing when to hold ‘em, and when to walk away.




Now PINTEREST, on the other hand...that will have to be a new post. With lots of photos of recipes I'll never make.
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Sick of Chocolate, Flowers, and Jewelry?

Stuffed animals, candlelit dinners, and balloons make you want to puke?



Don't worry, I've got some unconventional Valentine's Day gift ideas for you.












You might consider giving the object of your affection the
complete first season of my friend Gail Konop-Baker’s mother-daughter podcast about gender roles and relationships, The G-Spot. Or, buy it for yourself! You know you’re curious.
And if you live in the Madison area, it’s basically free if you use the $14
coupon toward a bra and fitting at La Lingerie. 




(This is the second time a friend’s project has made me
blush on my own blog. Prude, much?)




OR: you can pre-order Sam Pink’s new e-novel Rontel and get a
personal sext from him. Seriously. 




From amazon: The narrator of Rontel admits “if people had
access to my thoughts and feelings, I’d be asked to live on a rock in outer
space—one with a long tether to a building in Chicago if any of my friends
(just kidding) wanted to come visit.” This man, however, is not a psychotic. He
goes shopping with his girlfriend, he has a pet cat, he recognizes a loose hot
dog on the floor of the supermarket as the “saddest thing ever.” He is just
like you.




Already I feel a scary affinity for this guy, because I too
have felt pity for lonely inanimate objects from time to time. 




Is this hilarious or gross? I think it's hilarious, even though he looks an awful lot like J's boss. And that mustache HAS GOT TO GO. But he's drinking a soda and posing in a hotel bathtub. He's going to sell a buttload of books with this PR stunt, too. 
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Closer Than They Appear: So Close it's Already Here!

Okay, so I was going to wait until closer to V-Day (when we celebrate V-necklines and Venereal Disease) to release my next project, because it's my first LOVE STORY, but I couldn't wait any longer because I am a Human Squee these days. So, I present to you: Closer Than They Appear: a novella plus.









Personal chef Harper and aspiring writer Zach have never met, but they
see one another at the same stoplight every Monday, Wednesday, and
Friday on their morning commutes. Harper turns left, Zach turns right,
and gradually, they each begin to wonder about the person they see every
other morning. The person with the smile that could fuel an empty heart
for miles.

Reminiscent of Attachments and You've Got Mail, Closer Than They Appear
is a charming, sweet hug of a story. A quirky tale of missed
connections that will fill your heart with the hope, yearning, and
wonder of new love.

BONUSES: This novella also includes
ten vegetarian recipes inspired by Harper and her clients, as well as
the actual templates for Festival Bingo, inspired by Zach's roommate
Josh.







This project represents a lot of Firsts for me:




First novella. With a plus, no less.




First story written entirely in the third person, past-tense.






First pure romantic comedy without any heavy themes. (Huzzah!
says everyone sick of me trying to get all meaningful up in their grille. I’m
not sure if “grill” needed an “e” right there, but it looked lonely and boring
without it.)




First to be set in my current city. Though I don’t mention
Oshkosh by name, landmarks, landmarks,
get yer landmarks: South Park, Menominee Park, the UW-Oshkosh student
union, Oblio’s, Peabody’s, Pick ‘n Save, Ardy & Ed’s, Tew’s Two Sporting
Goods, the lake road, the Victorians on Washington, the quarry with all the
inbred deer, the old *ahem* “Pubes” and Hoses sign, even the Target check-out
guy in the wheelchair, who is fantastic. (“Hi, if you’re reading this! You’re
so efficient and soft-spoken. And please stop looking at me like you know what
I’m thinking.”)




First to include recipes. Seriously. And I wrote them all
funny-like, to entertain you while you cook. Hope you like tofu and kale!
*Collective retching sounds*




First to include bingo cards. Actually, I’m kind of hoping
I’ve written the first book EVER to include bingo cards in the appendices,
because wouldn’t that be awesome?? Talk about yer landmark!




It also represents some Seconds:




Second to include images. (See also: Driving Sideways )




Second to be written in alternating point-of-view chapters
featuring two people who might be in love but don’t know it yet. (See also:
Mandatory Release , coming soon!)




Second to have a fabulous cover designed by the exceedingly talented Sarah Hansen of
Okay Creations (See also: All the Lonely People )




Thank you for enduring my shameless plug, for reading my blog, for reading my books, if you have...if you haven't, hello! I'm Jess. Can I tell you a story? Wait. First: do you mind swearing and jokes about pubes? No? We're going to get along just fine ...
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Work from Home! Assemble Products! Say "Hi" to your Dog!

When you work at home half the time, it can get a little
lonely. Bad habits, like not showering for 36 hours, can form. Also, you talk
to yourself. Here are the Greatest Hits from Things I’ve Said Aloud While
Working from Home:




“Hi Daisy!”




“Why is my middle toe hot?”




 “Daisy, did the
mailman come?”




“That doesn’t sound right.”




“Stop barking. There’s nothing to bark at.”




“Hi Daisy! Cuteface! You’re so cute.”




“Who is that?”




“What should I eat for lunch today, Daisy?”




“You’re not supposed to sit there, but I’ll let you, because
I know how much you like it.”




“Aw, bellyrubs!”




“Don’t let me eat any more Doritos.”






“Hi peanut! Cutepea!”




“What in the heck is this?”




“Hi Messhead! Fuzzface Cutie!”




“Quiet! Why are you barking? There’s nothing to bark at.”




“Why is there—oh gross, this is a toenail!”




"Who's a good girl? You're the good girl! Yes, you are!"




“Hi Daisy! You’re so cute.”




Recently, someone on Twitter said, “I say hi to my dog like,
600 times a day,” and I laughed so hard, because here is a person who clearly
also works at home, writing or spamming or filling in spreadsheets or whatever.
Because this is how it works: Anytime you leave the computer, you say hi to
your dog, stop to pet her, check the mail, grab a snack, say hi to the dog
again, get back on the computer, and yell at her to stop barking at the wind. 




Basically, we can conclude two things: 1) working at home is
not conducive to personal hygiene. Therefore, we should pity Mr. Riley. 2)
People who work from home (i.e. shut-ins) need a pet or two to talk to, just to keep their social skills sharp.
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Now Presenting: Lee Adams and A Giveaway!

I'm so happy to be hosting the lovely, talented Lee Adams on the blog today; I've known Lee for a few years, and she is one of the most gracious, hard-working, generous people you'll ever meet. For starters, she donated a kidney to a loved one.



I've donated canned goods I didn't want all that much to local food drives.



My point is that Lee is fabulous, and we're here today to talk about her heart-tugging debut novel, Strawberry Wine .  What's it about?



Ten years have passed since Tanya Smith's last summer at Laurel Lake-the
summer of Marie. Today Tanya is a confident, successful music
promoter-a far cry from the naïve seventeen-year-old who showed up at
the lake full of rosy notions of first love, lifelong friendships, and
evenings spent sipping strawberry wine on the shore. That September
changed everything, and as far as Tanya is concerned, there's no going
back. That is, until a mysterious phone call from Marie's lawyer brings
Tanya face to face with the past. Suddenly she finds herself returning
to Laurel Lake and to everything she left behind there. Will the dark
secret that haunts the lake break her heart all over again? Or will
Marie's legacy be the key that unlocks the future Tanya gave up on ten
long years ago?



Doesn't that sound like a great story? (It totally is!) And now for some questions:





1)  Where did you get the idea for Strawberry Wine?  

One of my all-time favorite songs is "Strawberry Wine," sung by Deana Carter and written by Matraca Berg and Gary Harrison.  It’s a coming of age song about young summer love.  The book doesn’t follow the song, but it definitely was in the back of my mind.  And as teenagers, Strawberry Wine was what we were always sneaking.  Boones Farm!  So it just reminded me of youth, friends, young love, and everything the beginning of the book is about.


2)  How do you juggle writing with your day job? 

I have Southwest Airlines to thank for a lot of it.  I travel with my job and spend a ton of times on Southwest.  Once I get to 10,000 feet, I can pull out my “approved electronics!”  I found it soothing to write while flying.


3)   Tell us about one of your “most” moments: most humbling, humiliating, gratifying, life-affirming, hilarious … whatever first comes to mind. 

It would have to be when I donated my kidney to my brother-in-law.  It was humbling, humiliating, gratifying, life-affirming and at times, hilarious!  I’m a self-diagnosed hypochondriac so it took everything in me to follow through.  But how life changing to save another’s life.  Very humbling.


4)   If you could have any super-power, what would it be?  

To bring people happiness.  I know it sounds trite, but there are so many unhappy people in the world.  I hope by writing, I can bring them just a small bit of happiness.  If reading something I write makes someone smile, then I’ve done a good job.


5)   Goat cheese: love it or hate it?  

Can I say like?  Depends on what it’s in but I confess to liking it.


6)   What's next for you?  

Writing wise, I’m working on a book called Unlikely Family.  It’s been in the process for two years and I’m seeing light at the end of the tunnel.  I’m looking forward to seeing what the characters will do in the end.

~~~~~

Thanks, Lee! I'm also looking forward to reading how your characters end the next novel.



Giveaway! Lee is offering a signed copy to one lucky reader; just leave a comment below with your email address and you're entered to win! You have until Wednesday at midnight to enter.Subscribe with Feedburner

Works in Progress

Congrats to Kelly and Jess on winning a signed copy of Karen McQuestion's most-excellent latest, Edgewood ! And thanks again to Karen for participating, and for her generosity.



I am being sucked into a vortex at work, but I still have a fun surprise for y'all in the next week or two. I also sent the manuscript of the new novel off to my editor, and I feel a little pukey about it. I've been working on this sucker for fourteen YEARS, and I'm still not sure if I'm ready to release it. It's much darker than anything I've ever written before. A twisted, in-your-face mash-up of chick lit and lad lit. And have I mentioned it takes place in a prison? Am I nuts to even think about putting this out there?



People want books that take place in France and Bali and Nantucket ... don't they? And other than Me Before You by Jojo Moyes, I can't think of too many love stories featuring a male lead confined to a wheelchair.



Weirdly, it's become something of a security blanket for me, or an old friend I'll meet for happy hour after a rough day at work. I'll pull the manuscript up on the screen, tinker with some dialogue here, tighten some phrasing there ... Last night I axed three pages entirely and rewrote another small section, but I haven't given much thought to more massive changes, which could be coming down the pike.





If I do pull the trigger on this book, all I can pray is someone says this about it somewhere: "Fans of indie black comedy rejoice! Because I've found the slutty, snarky love child of Chuck Palahniuk and Laurie Notaro."



In the meantime, there is other writing to do, other books to read. AND: I'll be hosting another great author and giveaway this Sunday. More free books to win, kiddos! Subscribe with Feedburner

Now Presenting: Karen McQuestion (and a giveaway!)

Karen McQuestion is a fabulous, bestselling Wisconsin author (Yaay Cheeseheads!); she's written three novels for adults, three for teens, and two for kids. You've probably heard of Karen, because she's sold mega-stacks of books and is amazing. If you haven't, here--let me help you out of that bomb shelter and tell you about something called the Internet.  I adore her, and am totally fan-girl that she actually talks to me; in fact, she graciously subjected herself to my interview questions below. AND, she's got a signed paperback of her latest YA, Edgewood, to give away to one lucky reader! (Freebookfriday called it "What to read after The Hunger Games.")








1)     
Tell us about Edgewood. Where did you get the idea?




In the beginning of Edgewood,
the main character, Russ Becker, finds himself plagued by insomnia. And the
only thing that seems to help is taking late night walks. On one of these walks
he witnesses a strange astronomical event and eventually discovers that he’s
acquired superpowers.




I can’t be sure, but I think the original idea stemmed from
my own insomnia, the difference being that my sleepless nights did not result
in superpowers of any kind. Disappointing.



2)      What’s
one of the biggest differences between writing Young Adult vs. Women’s Fiction?





Since Edgewood is
a paranormal, the storyline is far more fantastical than my traditional women’s
fiction.




Besides that, I tend to think that the first time you
experience something—love, a friend’s betrayal, driving, whatever—it tends to
evoke some intense emotions. And since the teenage years have a lot of firsts,
it’s a pretty emotionally-charged time. In my opinion, the people who unfairly
characterize teenagers as dramatic have forgotten a lot.




Fiction mirrors life, so the intensity of emotion is
something I try to keep in mind as I write.




3)      What
do you find most challenging about the writing life, and how do you cope?




I have to admit that I’m living my dream—I earn a living
writing fiction. Me of four years ago would have smacked myself in the head for
complaining about anything at this point, so I have to say that my biggest
challenge is writing fiction that’s worthy of the wonderful readers I’ve been
lucky enough to reach so far.




4)      Tell
us about one of your “most” moments: most humbling, humiliating, gratifying,
life-affirming, hilarious … whatever first comes to mind.




Most humiliating:  I once met up with a woman I hadn't seen in
over a year and she'd changed her hairstyle drastically--from very long beautiful
hair, to an adorable chic short cut.



I spent about ten minutes raving about how cute her haircut was, and saying I'd
often thought of doing the same, but never had the courage to go that short.



After babbling on like this for some time, I asked, "So what made you
decide to cut it?"



And she said, "I had brain surgery."



Really and truly this did happen. Even now, my face gets red thinking about it.
Talk about putting things in perspective...



The bright spot in the whole thing was that the surgery was successful in
eliminating her epileptic seizures. (And her hair did look cute.)



5)      Name
one book you read again and again.




I don’t usually reread books because there are so many books
to read and so little time. As a writer I do sometimes flip through writing
books for inspiration, notably Stephen King’s On Writing, Anne Lamott’s Bird
by Bird, and Christopher Vogler’s The
Writer’s Journey.

~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks, Karen! Loved your answers, love you...come back and visit another time! Also, that's not me on your front lawn holding a boombox over my head. Nope.




Don't forget to enter to win a signed copy! Just leave a comment below, along with your email address. Entries close Wednesday at midnight. I'm not nearly organized enough to start spamming you, and I don't even have an author newsletter (see: not organized enough), so don't worry about me bugging you now that I have your email.
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Puppy Pile

If, like me, you are a frequent visitor to Cute Overload, you too know that talking porcupines and a magical sanctuary for baby sloths in onesies DO exist. Yesterday a new video was posted that nearly killed me dead. Or in cutespeak, DED.





Can you even believe this? There's obviously some sort of science at work, but who even cares. Puppies! Rotating like a pinwheel!



I'm convinced that there's a huge, unfilled demand for a business we could call Puppy Pile, in which you lie down on the floor and someone lets about ten puppies in at the other end of the room. They all scamper over to you and adorable hilarity ensues. It's like a trip to the spa, only you leave with hives on your face, tangled hair, and a heart brimming with love.



 I'd totally pay for an hour of that.



I don't know why, but I've been highly emotional lately. If it's not a cute puppy video making me tear up, it's simply seeing an extremely elderly woman at the grocery store. Just some random 90+ year-old lovely woman, earnestly shuffling along with her cart in her sensible boots and polyester slacks, with a head of hopeful, white curls and there I am, fighting the strong urge to introduce myself to her and ask if she'd like to be my adopted local grandma, if she needs anyone to drive her to her next doctor or hair appointments, if she'd please tell me stories about growing up without television or a car and what a treat it was to get an orange in her stocking at Christmas.



So clearly, the solution to all of this angst was to drink a tumbler of wine and watch The Boy in the Striped Pajamas, have a good, ugly cry, and wake up with a weird, swollen taste bud on the tip of my tongue and a cold sore on my upper lip, a video of which will be coming soon to Ugly Overload.  



Oh, great. I think I just got Abreva in my eye. Gotta run.Subscribe with Feedburner

And...We have a Winner!

Congrats to Janie Junebug! You win a copy of Suzy Soro's awesome memoir, Celebrity sTalker .



Wow, there were a lot of links in those two sentences. You should click them all! Live on the edge, I always say.



Attention patient bargain-hunters: Tomorrow is a big day for me. And you, maybe! The Kindle version of All the Lonely People will be only 99 cents on Amazon this Thursday and Friday. $0.99!!! But the post-holiday fire sale lasts for two days only. That's less than anything on the dollar menu at McDonald's, and much better for your heart! And thighs--especially if you read it while running on a treadmill.



(But don't do that if you're prone to motion sickness.)



I'm actually part of the "99 cent Post-Holiday Genre Potpourri Event," featuring 14 authors in total. You can check out a list of the participating books on Amazon here. And the official press release here. Load up your Kindle for a few bucks!



If you read this on Saturday and missed the sale, email me and we'll work something out. A consolation prize of sorts.



In other news, I'm putting the finishing touches on a novella, and my day job is heating up. And by "heating up" I mean "will leave me in a straightjacket by July." Subscribe with Feedburner

Now Presenting: Suzy Soro (and a Giveaway!)

I've known Suzy almost since I started blogging, and she is truly one of the funniest, kindest, and most interesting people I know. To help celebrate the launch of her new book, Celebrity sTalker , Suzy was gracious enough to be interviewed AND offer a signed copy of her book to one lucky reader!




1) Tell us a bit about how you got started doing comedy. Is
this what you always wanted to do "when you grew up?"




One
day I watched Bob Hope host the Academy Awards, which he did nineteen times over
the course of his career, more than any other host, and my Dad told me Bob also
went overseas and performed for the troops. I told Dad I wanted to do that so he
asked what my talent was. My talent? There were so many to choose from: sneaking
out at night to meet boys, forging my parents’ signatures on report cards, stealing
Mars bars from People’s Drugstore.  




I eventually
wrote, starred in, directed, and produced my first sketch comedy show at the
age of 14. It was about toilet paper. It was the beginning of my need to be
funny in front of people.  Later I would
revise that to “My need to be funny in front of people who paid me.”




2)
Hecklers: assuming you've had at least one, how do you handle them?




Hecklers are part of a stand-up
comic’s world. The worst ones are drunken fools who mistakenly think they’re
funnier than the comedian.  I always let
them yell out stupid stuff for a while and then say, “You sound funny; do you
know a good joke?” (YES!) “Would you like to come up here and tell your joke?” (YES!)




The heckler makes their unwitting way
to the stage. I ask their name, their occupation and hand over the mic. Then I
walk to the back of the stage and stand behind them, where they can’t see me. As
the audience silently stares at them, suddenly the heckler or hecklerette
realizes how scary it is to face a room full of strangers. They tell their joke
and I’ve never seen it fail, the audience doesn’t laugh. That’s when I walk up
to them and say, “Looks easier than it is, doesn’t it?”



3) Tell
us a comedy high and comedy low from your life.




I was performing in Macedonia
during the Bosnian War. That morning, two flyboys had taken the comics up in a
Blackhawk helicopter and flown us into no-fly zones over Serbia. At one point they deliberately
dropped the helicopter straight down the side of a mountain and we were in
freefall for about six seconds. When we eventually landed at one of the base
camps I took the pilot aside and said I would murder him if he did it again,
provided we survived, of course.




Later than night,
during our show, I singled out the pilot and ripped him a new one. I tortured
him for five minutes while the audience howled. 
When I finally got back to the barracks I found a sticky note on my
door. It read, “Thank you, you made my day” and was signed “A soldier.”




It’s my most prized
possession.




The comedy low I
blame on my business partner, Leslie Norris. We toured the US for eight
years doing our standup show, Single,
Married & Divorced. There were three of us but the third girl always
varied, depending on who was available. In one town, the third girl missed her
flight and wouldn’t arrive until the next day so Leslie and I had to do the
show alone. The first five minutes we sang and did sketch comedy. I’m not a
great singer. People hire me to sing but seriously, don’t. Leslie is a great singer. She came in second in
Star Search and with her talent as a
singer, was first runner-up in two Miss America state pageants.




So in the town with
no third girl, we sang one of the opening songs, just the two of us. There was
a complicated note at the end and when it came time for that note, Leslie
stopped singing. On purpose. I was so
off-key public schools removed their music programs and Broadway went dark for
a week.




4) I
can't ask the dinner party question, because you've already been at dinner
parties attended by some of the most hilarious, fascinating people ever. So
name four people you wouldn't mind being trapped in an elevator with.




Bill Clinton, Cher, the un-dead Elvis, and MacGyver, so
we could get out of that elevator.



5) What's
your favorite recipe?




My mom is a world
class cook and baker. I grew up eating cheese soufflés, chocolate éclairs,
artichoke hearts, Orzo, and her amazing Baked Alaska. I never had a hotdog
until I went away to college.




For years I ordered
Baked Alaska in every restaurant that offered it, only to be disappointed that they
didn’t put ice cream in it. Then I would ask a waiter in the next restaurant if
theirs had ice cream in it and he would reply, yes, theirs did. And it would show
up like all the ones before it, with a side of ice cream. Eventually I stopped
ordering it. I have no idea how to make it. And even if I did, I’m sure it
would be a colossal failure and I’d have to serve it with a side of ice cream.  Sorry Mom.




~~~~~

Isn't she awesome? (Thanks, Suzy!) Before you go, you should visit Suzy's blog, follow Suzy on Twitter, and Like her Facebook fan page. And don't forget to leave a comment (your favorite recipe?) to enter to win an autographed copy of her book, which is fabulous!
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