Jess Riley's Blog, page 2

A Tale of Two Johns

Hi! Sorry to disappoint those of you who came here expecting
me to share titillating anecdotes about how I secretly put myself through
college as a call girl. This obviously didn’t happen, for several reasons.
First, a basic analysis of my student loan debt would show that my part-time
college jobs paid just enough to cover beer, pizza, and purple hair dye. Second,
you have seen my house, right? If I’d been a “high end” hooker in college, I’d
live in a much nicer house with a hot tub. Or at the very least, I’d have a permanent
scar and/or limp and an impressive collection of chips from Narcotics
Anonymous. Third, gross.




So, feel free to click off the page, creeps.




*Whispers* Are
the creepy guys gone yet? Thank God! *brings out the string cheese and
Triscuits*




Today I want to talk about publicity. Wait, don’t run away!
Have a beer. Relax. It’s kind of a funny story. Anyway, I fracking HATE self-promotion.
Hate it more than war or cilantro or adults that use the word “selfie.”  The challenge is that my latest book is a bit of a tough
sell. Because, prison much? (And infidelity and toxic friends and horrible
secrets and paralyzed sex jokes and racial imbalance in the criminal justice
system and 80s hairbands and a scruffy little dog named Avis, after the car rental
company.) To help get the word out, I’ve employed some macro-level stuff. *Barfs
at own use of word “macro.”* This included hiring a publicist, booking a blog
tour, and yelling about my shit on Facebook and Twitter and then running away with the
cold sweat of self-loathing clinging to my torso. 





The first sunflower to bloom in my yard.


All of which may or may not be working. So it’s time to
shake things up, get micro, reach out and touch someones who enjoy books
remotely like mine. I decided to visit the Amazon sales page for Jonathan
Tropper’s This is Where I Leave You,
because I feel (hope) that readers who like his novels will also like mine. I
scrolled through the five-star reviews, looking for a few kind souls who may be
open to reading and reviewing Mandatory
Release. Ultimately, because most people are afraid to connect their email
addresses with their reviews (I can’t imagine WHY), I ended up with two guys
named John. 




I emailed both the same brief, kind-of-grovely pitch,
explaining who I am and why on earth I was writing to them. I heard back from
John #1 almost immediately: “No, thnaks.”




Not even enough interest to spellcheck his rejection.
However, I heard from John #2 a few hours later. He said it sounded right up
his alley and he enjoyed the four sample chapters he read. He finished by
saying I didn’t even have to send him a free copy, because he wanted to help
support my career. 




Seriously! My first reaction was, Wow, people can read four
sample chapters online? My second reaction was, Thnak you, Thnak you! 




So there we have it, on the micro-level. A tale of two
Johns. One a vaguely dickish poor speller, the other a kind soul who restored my faith in human generosity, all on the same day. 




Goodreads JT fans, you have been warned. 




PS: If you post an online review and email me the link by
August 10, I’ll enter you in a drawing for a $25 Amazon gift card.  I’ve also got bookplates—I’d be happy to
inscribe one for your paperback copy, just let me know if y’all want one.





With sticky backs, like John Goodman on July 18.

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Now Presenting: Dina Silver!

I am so excited to showcase today the beautiful and hilarious Dina Silver, whose third, heartstring-tugging novel Finding Bliss came out last week. Dina is one of the rock stars of the indie publishing world, signing as an in-house author with Amazon last year. She's sweet, inspiring, and she's worked her ass off to get to this point. She is offering one lucky reader a signed paperback--just leave a comment about how you find bliss. And don't forget your email address so we can get you your copy if you win!





What it's About:

Chloe Carlyle has always longed for the perfect family.



Growing
up with an alcoholic single mother, she has seen her share of heartbreak
and disappointment, and is striving to build a new legacy for herself.
After graduating from college, she takes a job working as a summer girl
for the Reeds—a wealthy, accomplished family that personifies her
American dream. Her summer takes an unexpected turn when the Reeds’
eldest son, Tyler, the star quarterback for Notre Dame, shows up and
turns her life upside down.



An ambitious young woman with a
wry sense of humor, Chloe never imagined herself as the type to succumb
to the looks and charms of the hometown hero, but she falls hard for
Tyler, and is devastated when they part ways at the end of the summer.
As she heads off to law school, Chloe tries to convince herself this was
just a fling, but she can’t quite get over him. It’s not until Tyler
contacts her out of the blue late one winter night that everything
changes.



After doing everything in her power to build the
perfect life, Chloe soon learns that there are things beyond her
control. She must draw on inner reserves of strength as her life takes
unpredictable—and sometimes heartbreaking—twists and turns, and she
finds herself faced with decisions she never thought she’d have to make.
Poignant, heartfelt, and emotional, Finding Bliss is a reminder that you don’t have to live a fairytale life in order to have a happy ending.



 1. Tell us about Finding Bliss--what inspired you to write it?



Finding Bliss is a spin off of One Pink Line, and tells the story of, Chloe, who was Grace's best friend in OPL. Chloe grew up with an alcoholic mother, and has sort of always longed for the perfect family. The story begins as she's about to start law school, and follows her through those years and into married life and as she struggles to have children.



I really wanted to challenge the HEA concept with this book, and give readers something to ponder in the end. Hopefully I did!



2. What do you find most challenging about the writing life, and how do you cope?



For me, it's creating the story from beginning to end. Once I have it plotted out in my head, it usually flows onto the page pretty easily.



3. Who are some of your author idols?



Oddly enough, I'm in a complete true crime frenzy right now and reading everything by Ann Rule and Joe McGinnis. I'm also an old school Jane Austen goober.



4. What songs would be on the Finding Bliss playlist?



I love this question! Hmm…I think Chloe would listen to Maroon 5 and Fall Out Boy. Sort of angsty rock, but not too hard.



5. What teenage memory makes you cringe?



Putting concealer on my lips, then covering them in a pink-frosted Loreal lip gloss.



 Thanks Dina! Entries remain open until Thursday, noon CST. Because why not? Enter soon, and enter often, because you want this book!!!



~~~



A graduate of Purdue University, Dina Silver has spent the past fifteen
years feeding her red wine habit by working as a freelance copywriter in
the advertising industry. After seeing the bulk of her professional
prose on brochures and direct mail pieces, she is delighted to have made
the transition to novelist. She currently lives with her family in
suburban Chicago. Additionally, she enjoys cheese fries, reality TV and
talking about herself in the third person.

For more riveting information, visit dinasilver.com
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More Book Hijinks from Your Favorite Schlemiel

Whew. Another release week in the rear view mirror, and this
one was a doozy.  Launch day is always a
roller-coaster: will people buy my book, if they do will they LIKE it, will I
stumble across a terrible review that will emotionally cripple me for days … It’s
a bit like watching someone juggle your newborn baby and a live
chainsaw.




We’re all works in progress, and I’m no exception. Always
learning valuable lessons. This year, I learned two very valuable lessons—perhaps
the most important one about vetting something you read at an author event. 




I was honored to participate in this year’s Fox Cities Book
Festival, at which I read a scene from my novella Closer Than They Appear. It’s
a cute little tale about missed connections, featuring two characters who meet
at the same stoplight every morning during their commutes. I write from each
character’s perspective, male and female. You should know that I don’t believe
in tidying up the male point of view. Guys are crude. They’re raw, real, and
warped, if they’re being honest.  (This
is important for the story.)




The scene I chose to read was from my male character’s point
of view, and he’s in a particularly miserable, heart-broken frame of mind at a
bar with a friend. Oh, and did I mention it takes place in Oshkosh, the city in
which I live? (This is also important for the story.)




So I’m reading, and everyone is laughing and enjoying
themselves. Excellent! I think, and file the piece away for another day. I
whistle a jaunty tune on my way home.




Fast-forward to Tuesday night, launch night, and I’m giving
a chat in Oshkosh at a fundraiser for the Winnebago Literacy Council. I know, I
say to myself, I’ll read the same piece that got such a great reception at the
Book Festival! It takes place in Oshkosh; people will like that.  This is the best idea I’ve ever had!




The Literacy Council is a terrific organization, and that
night they introduced five young men, recent refugees from Burma, Ivory
Coast, Uganda, and Pakistan, to showcase and put faces on the great work the council is
doing.  They’re sitting in the front row,
listening to me very politely. I finish my author spiel and begin the reading.




And I get to the part on the very first page where my main character,
annoyed at being jostled around while trying to order a drink, says to his
friend, “Jesus Christ, remind me why we came here again? I feel
like I’m in some third-world country waiting for bags of rice to be tossed out
the back of a United Nations truck.”




A few people laugh in a kind-of shocked way, like
you do in church when an elderly woman in the pew behind you audibly farts. My
blood turns to ice in my veins. Oh dear GOD, how did I forget about this line? I
very nearly stop reading. There are almost fifty faces staring at me, waiting
to see how this plays out, waiting for the juggler to drop the chainsaw on the baby. A small voice in my head says, No—you have to keep
going. Own it! Be real! And never, ever write from the male point of view again!” 




I continue, and so does the fun, because soon we get
to three song references that are totally unfamiliar to the crowd, followed by
a reference to “Pretentious Asshole Bingo,” which I forgot to set-up before the
reading, and a reference to an ex-girlfriend who used to send really dirty
texts.




I begin to feel faint. I’m sweating profusely. The
words feel like rubber in my mouth. Ah, and then I remember how I end this scene:

 ___



    From somewhere behind him: “Hey, if it isn’t Steinbeck 2.0!”

    Zach
gritted his teeth and manufactured a smile for the second time that evening.
“Matt Nelson. What’s up?”

    Matt
Nelson was another local writer. Privately, Zach always tacked a GD to his name,
as in, “GD Matt Nelson.” It stood for Grammar
Destroyer. He’d self-published a thriller last fall and now routinely
posted screen shots of his Amazon ranking to his Facebook feeds: Cracked the top 100! I’m on fire! “Dude,
just sold my forty-thousandth copy of Archer
Falls. Can you believe that shit?” 

    Forty-thousand
people actually paid to learn that you can’t tell the difference between
they’re, there, and their. Jesus wept. “Hey, congrats.”

    “Still
writing?”

    “Yeah,”
Zach said, thrilled he actually had a positive update to share. “I just sold my
novel, actually.”

    Matt’s
smile hitched ever so-slightly. “Oh yeah? That’s great! Who picked it up?”

    “It’s
a small indie press. They specialize in gritty, urban fiction.”

    “Huh.
I thought your book took place on a farm. So what kind of advance they offer?”

    Zach
took a swig of beer, growing increasingly uncomfortable under GD Matt Nelson’s
scrutiny.

    “Not much, but they do a great job with their authors.”

    But
Matt had stopped paying attention. “Hey, I gotta split. Just saw Kara Peterson.
Chick’s got nipples like fuckin pencil erasers.” He grabbed his beer and
disappeared into the crowd.

    After
he left, Zach let out a strangled sob. “How can such a gross human being win at
everything?”

    Josh
craned his neck to see where Matt had gone, wearing a vague expression of
curiosity. It looked like he was trying to solve a sexy riddle. “Pencil
erasers. Huh.”

 ___

Did you get that?




"Chick’s got nipples like fuckin pencil erasers.”




Did I mention that two of my nice young audience members in the
front row were from Pakistan? 




I looked around for a box I could crawl into, or maybe a
bathtub of vodka, or a candle I could light myself on fire with. Finding no such retreat, I ended with a vaguely mumbled, “Um,
so it’s kind of colorful. Just a fun little thing.”




OH MY GOD SHUT UP SHUT UP. 




People clapped politely. Some were still laughing (with me? Nah,
probably totally at me).  My whole body is
still unfolding from a nearly semi-permanent and disabling cringe.




So the lesson here is: something that plays well in Peoria
may not play as well in Albuquerque. Check your audience and triple-vet
anything you share before you get up on stage. And write something new as quickly as possible, if only to scour your latest shenanigan from your brain.




(Thank you, everyone, for the support and kind words this week; you kept me from soaking in that bathtub of vodka, which actually sounds kind of relaxing now that I think about it ....)
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Let's Make it Official, Kids: Mandatory Release is Here

I spy, with my little eye, A BOX OF BOOKS!

Hi! How are you? I'm a nervous wreck, thanks!



Well, I could whip myself into a neurotic frenzy over the last bottle of discount ranch dressing on double coupon day, so take all of this with a grain of salt.



But I'm distracted, which leads me to do things like wish my husband's late aunt a happy birthday on Facebook. You know how this works. You see the birthdays up there in the corner, and you absently click through them all (Happy birthday, Dave! Have a great day, Eleanor! Enjoy your big day, Steve!), get your daily post-liking frenzy out of the way, and then you whisk your palms together and head off to tackle the day, feeling so accomplished. Just look at everything you've already achieved. Maybe you'll work out. Shave your legs in the shower! Make a home-cooked meal for dinner! And--could it possibly be--actually get some writing done? Oh, the joys! Your day is a rainbow-hued quilt of possibilities sewn with spun gold. One hour later, you get a call from your beloved husband: "You wished my dead aunt happy birthday on Facebook."





Individually-bagged Doritos. I told you I was neurotic.

And you crawl under the couch and die a little and eat an industrial-sized bowl (the bowl you'd give your kid to puke in if he stayed home sick from school and you had a kid) of stale granola with chocolate soy milk and can't stop shivering.



Also, you have a book in the "soft-launch"* phase on Amazon, the book you've been working on for 14 years, the book that people cock an eyebrow over when you explain the plot ("It takes place in a prison? And the main character is a guy in a wheelchair? And it's a really weird love story with a sex scene and everything? But it's HILARIOUS, trust me!") and people are finding it and buying it which is awesome, but you haven't made it official and you're already feeling slimy and spammy as hell for uploading your cover art and linking to blog reviews on Facebook and just want to crawl back under the couch again and where did you leave that spoon, anyway?



So yes, let's just make it official and put me out of my misery. Mandatory Release is now available on all platforms: high and low diving boards, ceremonial award stages, all of them. Also Amazon, Kobo, iTunes, and Barnes and Noble. I'm also giving away two signed paperback copies on Goodreads, if that's your flavor of choice. I love this book, I miss these characters, and there's something in it to offend just about everyone, so let the games begin!



If you'd like to celebrate with me, I'll be doing a reading at Becket's Restaurant in Oshkosh on Tuesday, July 16 from 5-7 pm--it's a fundraiser for the Winnebago County Literacy Council, so we won't get TOO out-of-hand. Unless it's decided by popular vote.



A lovely woman in a book club I met with last week asked me what happens at my launch parties, and here are your multiple-choice options:



a) I sweat through my dress and have trouble remembering the word "orientation."



Gene Simmons? Is that you? (Guy in front: "We're number one!")



b) A bunch of us end the night at the gay bar AND the strip club.



c) Everything I eat gives me diarrhea except cheese and wine, which works out fine because those are my two favorite food groups.



Thanks for reading. If I could buy all of you ponies and peonies, I totally would.



 *Soft-launch is just a fancy way of saying 1) that you've uploaded your book and haven't announced it yet; and 2) you're playing some kind of kinky sex game with a Nerf replica of the space shuttle.Subscribe with Feedburner

Now Presenting: Dana Bate!

Congratulations to Bonnie, who won a signed copy of Brenda Janowitz's Recipe for a Happy Life! Let's keep the party rolling with more recipe-related reads:



Today, I'm so thrilled to present Dana Bate, whose first novel The Girls' Guide to Love and Supper Clubs released this past February. This is an absolutely adorable book, so clever and funny. She and I share an acquiring debut editor, Jill Schwartzman, who obviously has excellent taste. Dana is giving away one signed paperback copy to a lucky reader--I'll pick a commenter at random this Friday at midnight. Leave a comment with your email address to win!



1. Tell us about The Girls' Guide to Love and Supper Clubs--where did you get the idea?

The book is about a twenty-six-year old woman named Hannah Sugarman who is having a quarter-life crisis. On paper, she seems to have it all: impressive job, brilliant boyfriend, famous intellectual parents. But all Hannah cares about is cooking, and unfortunately, no one takes her passion seriously. So when her relationship falls apart, she decides to start an underground supper club out of her new landlord's town house – a secret venture that is both wildly successful and highly problematic, given that it isn’t exactly legal. Suffice it to say, not everything goes as planned.



The idea came to me after I’d quit my job and moved to London with my husband for a few months while he worked on a project there. I had been toying with various ideas for a novel, when one morning I came across an article online about a woman called MsMarmitelover who hosted a secret supper club out of her London flat. Total strangers would come from all over and pay to eat her food, even though the whole operation wasn’t technically legal. I thought the idea sounded really fun – and risky – and that sort of became the launching pad for my novel.



2. Were there any things about the publishing world that surprised you?

Oh, boy. Lots. I was definitely surprised at how slowly the publishing machine operates. I sold my debut in late June/early July 2011, and it didn't come out until February 2013! Apparently that's fairly standard, and the long lead time allows them to create an implement a publicity plan, but in the digital era it definitely feels very slow. I also didn't fully appreciate how much of the packaging and marketing would be out of my control. My original title was THE DUPONT CIRCLE SUPPER CLUB, but my publisher changed it to THE GIRLS' GUIDE TO LOVE AND SUPPER CLUBS because they felt the original title was too DC-centric. And the cover, while delicious and adorable, is a bit pinker than what I'd envisioned. But I'm not a marketing or PR specialist, so understandably I didn't get to make the final decision on those things. That's why publicity and marketing departments exist!



3. What teenage memory makes you cringe?

Just one? Because I'll be honest with you: there are many. Several involve extremely questionable hairstyles and makeup choices. But one particular doozy of a memory involves a guy I briefly dated in the summer between high school and college. His friends called him "Mole Man" because he kind of looked like a mole, and the only reason I dated him was because when I met him, he told me I looked like a movie star (I do not). But who doesn't like a little flattery now and again? Frankly, after being the nerdy A student for so many years, I was thrilled to have a guy notice me. But he wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, and after we had a heated debate over whether or not the government had shot down JFK Jr.'s plane (he believed they had), I realized I had made a huge mistake. That I dated him almost the entire summer based mostly on his interest in me is not something I'm proud of.



4.Do you have any advice for aspiring authors?

Write the book you want to write. Don't worry whether that book will make the New York Times Bestseller list or whether your friends or family will enjoy it. Write the book that ignites the fire in your belly and makes you excited to get words on the page. Tune out the haters, and write what you love.



5. Your protagonist is an amazing cook; are you as well? What's your favorite recipe?

I love, love, love to cook. It is by far my favorite hobby. I have more cookbooks and recipe files than is probably necessary or recommended, so I'd be hard-pressed to choose a favorite recipe. But the carrot cake Hannah, my protagonist, mentions in THE GIRLS GUIDE TO LOVE AND SUPPER CLUBS is based on a real recipe, and it is *amazing.* I couldn't include it in the book for copyright reasons, but for anyone who is interested, you can find the recipe here: http://athomebysteveposes.wordpress.c.... It is divine.

~~~~~

Thank you so much, Dana! Isn't she terrific? Don't forget to include your email address when you leave your comment; as always, this is a spam-free zone, but I do need to know how to contact you should you win. (And you want to win this one, trust me.)





~~~~~

Dana Bate is a freelance writer and former Washington producer and
reporter for PBS's Nightly Business Report. She studied
molecular biophysics and biochemistry at Yale University as an
undergraduate and received her master's degree from Northwestern's
Medill School of Journalism. She lives outside
Philadelphia. THE GIRLS' GUIDE TO LOVE AND SUPPER CLUBS is her first novel.Subscribe with Feedburner

Now Presenting: Brenda Janowitz!

I "met" Brenda via the fabulous circle of women bloggers and writers in the Girlfriends Book Club, and she is every bit as sweet, thoughtful, and funny as her writing implies. I adore her! She recently re-released her first two novels Scot on the Rocks and Jack with a Twist , and her latest, Recipe for a Happy Life , was just released by St. Martin's Press this week! Brenda is offering one signed copy for a lucky reader--just leave a comment with your email address, and you're entered to win!





1) Tell us about RECIPE FOR A HAPPY LIFE. How did you get the idea?

RECIPE FOR A HAPPY LIFE is about three generations of women with a culture all their own.  When Hannah finds herself spending the summer with her glamorous grandmother, a widow six times over, at her sprawling beach-front Hamptons estate, she learns that there’s more than one recipe for happiness. 

A story of mothers and daughters, grandmothers and grandchildren, RECIPE FOR A HAPPY LIFE is a quirky story about correcting the mistakes from your past and trying to create a future for yourself.

As for where I got the inspiration, that would be my own grandmother, of course!  One summer, when I was single, Grandma Dorothy informed me that she would be renting a house in the Hamptons.  No more of these silly share houses I was doing with my friends each summer.  They were getting me nowhere (read: still single and over thirty).  Instead, I was to stay with her and she would help me meet someone.  The only problem with this scenario was that I was sure she’d meet a man before I did.  She had sparkling crystal blue eyes and a killer figure.  My own hazel eyes and good birthing hips were no match for her easy glamour and style.

When she found out that a Hamptons summer rental costs more than the gross national product of some countries, the idea sort of fell apart.  But it gave me an idea—what if a young woman spent the summer out in the glamorous Hamptons with her even more glamorous grandmother?

Both of my own grandmothers really inspired me to come up with the character of Vivienne, the glamorous widow six times over.  Neither was a widow six times over, but both of my grandmothers were very glamorous ladies.  When I think of my childhood memories, I’m not likely to picture them in aprons baking cookies.  I picture them in evening gowns.

2) Does the book include recipes, and if so--which is your favorite?

Alas, no recipes.  But I did love the recipes in YOUR short story, CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR!  I’m going to try the spicy peanut noodles and the nostalgia risotto.

I usually cook by feel, so I don’t actually have any written recipes!  But one of my biggest regrets in life is not writing down the recipe for my grandmother’s chicken fricassee.  One of these days, I’m going to start experimenting and figure out how my grandmother made it so delicious!

3) What's your best piece of advice for an aspiring author?

I have lots!  Here goes:

Keep writing! It’s so easy to get discouraged or feel like you don’t have the time to write. But like anything else that is important in life, you have to work at it and make the time for it.


There will always be excuses to avoid writing-- I have no free time, I have little kids, I have big kids, I don't have kids yet, my job is too demanding, I need to find a job...  you fill in your own.  If writing is really your dream, make the time.  Start with a writing class, and then find a writer's group.  Once you commit to taking the time to write, you'll be able to find the time to put pen to paper.  (Or fingers to keyboard, as the case may be.)

Edit! Editing your work is almost as important as the writing itself. Sure, you’re telling your story, but it’s also important to consider the way that you tell it. You want your writing to be tight, elegant and polished. It can only get to be that way through careful and thorough editing.


Develop a very thick skin. You’re putting yourself out there when you write and not everyone is going to love what you do. But that’s okay! You’re not writing to please everyone out there. You’re writing because you have a story that you want to tell. So start getting used to criticism and then see tip #1—keep writing!

4) What book(s) do you love that you feel should be more widely read?

Oh wow.  So, so many!!  The publishing landscape has changed so much lately, and so many books are getting lost in the shuffle.

I’m a HUGE fan of your work.  I recommend it to all my friends!!

I’m also a huge Elinor Lipman fan.  I’m always shocked when I meet someone who hasn’t read THE INN AT LAKE DEVINE.  That book changed my life!  Without that book, I don’t think I’d be a writer today.

5) And--you knew it was coming--give us a juicy, horrific, shameful, cringe-tastic teenage memory.

Hmm, isn’t that just about EVERY teenage memory?  Oh yes, maybe that’s just me.  There was one in particular that is still particularly cringe-worthy for me.

Government In Action.  Back in high school, it was my favorite club, what with my aspirations to be a lawyer, and eventually get into politics.  Government.  In.  Action.  Don’t you just love the drama of it?

Needless to say, we fancied ourselves very serious politicos back then—so much so, that for our big “Model Congress” weekend that we hosted, we got our state senator to come and speak at the Opening Ceremony.

We were thrilled.  By getting him to attend, we’d accomplished something that no other Model Congress had done—we’d smoked them all.  And, really, what else is an exercise in faux-politics but a fight to the death for total one-upmanship?

After weeks of waiting, our big weekend finally arrived.  We were mere minutes away from our Opening Ceremony and couldn’t help but notice that our grand display was missing one very important thing:  our state senator.  I was one of the five students in charge of the weekend, and as the minutes ticked away, we all began to panic and run around the high school, looking for our state senator.  Where was he?  Was he going to show?  Or was this just an evil trick on the part of Oceanside High School designed to make us look like fools?

I covered the parking lot and the gym and ran into one of my co-chairs just as I got back to the entrance of the auditorium.  There he stood calmly with his father.  How could be calm at a time like this?  I was not calm.

I began ranting and raving about our friendly neighborhood state senator in a most un-statesman-like manner.  Where was he?  How dare he do this to us?  Does he have no loyalty to his constituents?  Or his constituents’s kids, as the case may be?  What a *&%$# no-good politician this guy must be!  Those politicians are all the same!  My co-chair interrupted me mid-rant and introduced me to his father—who turned out not to be his father at all, but, of course, our state senator.

Is it any wonder that I scrapped the political career and became a writer?

~~~~

Isn't she awesome! Thanks so much, Brenda! (And I didn't even pay her to say those nice things about my own books!) Don't forget to comment to win a copy of her amazing new novel (tell us a memory about your own grandmother...) Have a safe and happy Independence Day, everyone! No aiming the fireworks at your neighbor's house!



You can find Brenda online at her website, Facebook page, or follow her on Twitter at @BrendaJanowitz.Subscribe with Feedburner

Odds & Ends

Every ounce of my creative energy is being sucked into my new novel, which is probably the hardest thing I've ever written. New genre, multiple POV characters, major world-building....but great fun. So to keep from horribly neglecting the blog, I'll be featuring some fabulous weekly author interviews and giveaways over the next month with Dana Bate, Dina Silver, Brenda Janowitz, Samantha Stroh-Bailey, and more. Stay tuned, y'all!



What I'm reading:

Laurie Notaro's latest, The Potty Mouth at the Table.



What I'm watching:

We just saw World War Z, and I was pleasantly surprised! A smart take on the zombie genre.



What I'm listening to:

Anything and everything eighties on Spotify.



What I'm eating:

Yesterday I made a pan of homemade granola bars:  Melt 1/2 cup agave syrup that the elderly bagger made fun of me for buying, 1/4 cup brown rice syrup, 1/4 cup brown sugar, and 1/2 cup coconut oil in a small saucepan on the stove. Pour it over the following, which you've dumped in a large bowl: 2 cups oatmeal, 1 cup Rice Crispies, 1/3 cup chocolate chips, 1/2 cup coconut shreds, 1/3 cup dried cranberries, 1/3 cup pepitas, 1/4 cup ground flaxseed, 1/4 cup hulled hemp seed, and 1/4 cup chia seeds. Mix well. (It was kind of a hodgepodge of everything I had in the cupboard.) Press into a 9x12 greased Pyrex pan, bake at 350 degrees for 15 minutes, and cut into bars when cool. Try not to inhale them all in one sitting.



Adorable things my two-year-old niece said recently:

"Come on guys, it's time o'clock!"



And, about Daisy: "Him so cute!"



Deceptively adorable.







The 2013 season of Monarch ranching is also underway:





See those teeny white specks on the flower buds and leaves? In four weeks, they'll be Monarch butterflies, with any luck. (It took me only five years, but I finally learned how to use the macro feature of my camera.)



We're also on Week Two of our CSA pick-ups--strawberries, kohlrabi, sugar snap peas, lettuce, asparagus, potatoes ... and I've got to cut this blog short because J wants to drag me down to South Park to a car show. Which, as you all know, I'm hugely into.Subscribe with Feedburner

Now Presenting: Dee DeTarsio!

Let's keep this party rolling with another author interview and giveaway! I am so happy to welcome the lovely Dee DeTarsio to the blog today, to help celebrate the recent launch of her latest novel, All My Restless Life to Live (isn't that a fabulous title?) I "met" Dee online when she contacted me after reading All the Lonely People --turns out she's a fellow Midwesterner, and she's damn funny, with a huge heart to boot. (Did I actually just type "to boot?" Moving on...) Leave a comment below and you'll be entered to win a signed paperback copy of her new novel!!



About All My Restless Life to Live :



Life is a soap opera, especially for Elle Miller, who writes for one.
(Ellen dropped the "n" in her name in hopes of finding a better ending
for herself.) When her laptop crashes, she borrows her recently deceased
dad's computer and gets way more than she bargained for.

Elle
unravels mysterious communications from his computer, while her mom
decides to give Internet dating a try. As Elle tries to save her career
at I'd Rather Be Loved with a storyline featuring a trip through
Atlantis, she takes a trip to the Emmys, and finds herself in the middle
of a romance between a real doctor and a hunk who just plays one on
TV. Friends, family, and clues from "the other side" all help Elle
figure out the difference between living the good life and living a good
life.

Fans of Marian Keyes and Jennifer Weiner will delight in
Dee DeTarsio's sparkling prose and lively dialogue as she takes readers
into the heart of women's lives. Filled with friendship, love, loss,
betrayal, and challenges that force her characters to find their place
in the universe, Dee's novels give us that hopefully-ever-after we're
searching for.

 ~~~

1) Tell us about All my Restless Life to Live. (GREAT title, by the way!) Where did you get the idea?

I always wanted to be a soap opera writer. (Even though an 8th grade career aptitude test indicated I would make an excellent farmer’s wife.) Of course, I also wanted to marry one of my junior high crushes, Jim Flower . . . which would have made me Dee Flower! (I need to write that book someday.)



2) What do you find most challenging about the writing life, and how do you address it?

Distractio . . .



3) What teenage memory makes you cringe?

I had Scoliosis and wore a Joan Cusack Sixteen Candles back brace. So, there I was, buying feminine hygiene surfboards. The gum-snapping cashier was clicking her extra-long fingernails on the register keys. “Aw, did you have an accident?”  With every ounce of teenage angst I possessed, I shuddered. “Yes.”



“What happened?” She wanted to know. And in that moment, when the universe decided, Nope, still not humble enough, I realized she wasn’t referring to the incident in my white Jordache jeans. There wasn’t enough Midol in the world. 



4) Writing humor is tough, but you make it look effortless. What's your secret?

 I grew up in Ennui, Ohio, and only wish I had started taking notes earlier—some of the funniest people I know are from the Midwest. (Have you met Jess Riley?) I think it is constant fear of tornadoes or being trapped in a snowstorm that forges a delightful melancholy of the absurd. Plus, I come from a long line of teasers where NOTHING is sacred. (And yes, my whole family totally made fun of my back brace.)



5) If you could have any super power, what would it be?

I wish my super power was the ability to get by on four hours of sleep. Who are those freaks of nature and how can I become one? I am all about the recommended eight hours, and occasionally experiment with nine!




~~~

Thanks, Dee! Okay guys, leave a comment below to win a signed copy of All My Restless Life to Live, telling us whether or not you watched soap operas growing up, and if so, which one(s)? Don't forget your email address! You have until midnight on Friday, June 28 to enter.  

~~~




DEE DeTARSIO is a TV writer living in southern California. After growing
up in Ennui, Ohio, and graduating from The Ohio State University she
vowed never to be cold again (in a tantrum more worthy of Suellen than
Scarlett) and ended up in Tucson, Arizona, producing the news for the
CBS affiliate, oddly enough called KOLD-TV. She moved to San Diego where
she worked in the SeaWorld entertainment department as a
producer/writer. (Penguins are mean!) She then became a producer/writer
for the NBC affiliate.

Dee is the author of hopefully-ever-after
novels: THE SCENT OF JADE, THE KITCHEN SHRINK (both finalists in the
prestigious San Diego Book and Writing Awards), 'TIL SOMEBODY LOVES YOU,
ROS, and HAOLE WOOD, 2013 Next Generation Indie Book Awards Finalist!
Her new book is ALL MY RESTLESS LIFE TO LIVE.

Though her mother
never beat her (that hard) and her father is not a celebrity, she
suspects one of her four sisters is a vampire.  Subscribe with Feedburner

Now Presenting: Stephanie Elliot!!

Today on the blog I am super-excited to welcome Stephanie Elliott, one of my best friends, writer or otherwise, to celebrate the recent release of her debut indie novel, What She Left Us : a tender, insightful story about the relationships between mothers and daughters and sisters. We've got redemption, forgiveness, family secrets, and hot guys to fall in love with: what more do you need?!



About What She Left Us:

Jenna and Courtney are dealing with the unexpected death of their mother
in different ways. Jenna broke off her engagement to the man she
thought she'd love forever, while Courtney headed back to college to
take charge of a dorm-floor full of college students as a resident
assistant.

Six months later, Jenna is fueled by panic over the
news that the sisters may have the same disease that caused their
mother's death and she makes an irrational decision - she packs it up
and heads to college to be with Courtney. The timing couldn't be worse
for Courtney, who's discovering love for the first time with Mitch, a
sexy guitar player who may just be off limits.

Emotionally
unstable, Jenna wonders if she made the worst mistake of her life by
breaking off her engagement with Darren, and when he shows up to make
amends, she can't help but second-guess her decision. But then there's
Clay, the compassionate bartender at Klippy's who seems to understand
everything Jenna's going through. And those hazel eyes just seem to see
right through to Jenna's soul…

As the girls maneuver through
their unpredictable futures, trying to manage their new health risks as
well as tumultuous love lives, Courtney finds a disturbing photograph
that indicates there may be more to their family than she ever imagined.

~~~~~~~~



Steph (of the popular blog "Booking with Manic") has got THREE copies of her novella The Cell Phone Lot to give away to three lucky commenters with e-readers. Don't forget to leave your email with your comment! I'll randomly pick a winner on Saturday.

~~~~~~~~



 1. Where did you get the idea for What She Left Us?

The idea for What She Left Us actually came to me after I read Gwendolen Gross' The Orphan Sister,
which is about two identical twin sisters and the third odd sister. It
made me wonder about the dynamics of sisters and what it would be like
to grow up as individual 'only' childs... like if one child were 10
years old and then another child came into the family some way, some how
later in life, and how the family would turn out. (My sister and I are
Irish twins, the same age for two
weeks out of the year, so it was interesting for me to think about two
sisters kind of far apart in age as young children.) That was the
original idea, and the original title was The Only Other Child, but the story turned into something so much more than that after that first idea.


2. What songs are on the What She Left Us playlist?

This one
is easy because these are the songs that played in the background at
the bar, Klippy's, and the songs that Mitch played on his guitar.
Totally random.



"Gravity" by John Mayer

Florence and the Machine's "Dog Days Are Over"

"Your Body is a Wonderland" by John Mayer

"Brown Eyed Girl" by Van Morrison
"Stay" by Rihanna

Sugar Hill's Rap 


3. What teenage memory STILL makes you cringe?

OK, I was
16 and babysitting my 5-year-old brother. My mom was working and my
boyfriend was over. (For the record, my sister and other brother were
home and I probably told THEM to watch him while I was 'busy!) It was
summer and probably around 11 a.m.
My boyfriend and I were fooling around in my bedroom, with the door
locked, or so I thought. Yeah, that happened... my little brother walked
in on us and found me in a compromising position. We weren't doing
everything, but I was not wearing anything on top. Ugh, cringing right
now at the memory. It gets worse. He's 5 years old. Do I bribe him
forever and have to live the rest of my life doing what he says to keep
him from telling Mom. Oh yeah, it happens to be Mom's birthday. I decide
I have to tell my mom what happens before my brother tells her or he
makes my life a living hell. So, 16-year-old me tells my mom, ON HER
BIRTHDAY, what my little brother caught me doing. Mortifying.


4. What do you feel are the components to a fabulous book?

Characters, plot, suspense. First things that came to my mind. What are yours?



(Me: "That Nicholas Sparks didn't write it, times three.")



5. What super power would you wish for?

A couple -- Read faster, write faster, and
have stretchy arms so when I'm sitting at the table I could grab
anything I wanted without having to get up.





~~~~~~~~



Thanks, Steph!!! I laughed out loud at the stretchy arms. Don't forget to include your email address when you comment--tell us what super power YOU'D wish for! Why not. You have until Saturday to enter--three copies of The Cell Phone Lot up for grabs, so you've got good odds!!



Find Steph on Twitter and Facebook.Subscribe with Feedburner

You're Terrible.

I am married to a very funny guy whose humor is
delightfully subtle. He’s incredibly laid-back, nonchalant, sweet, and
unassuming, and then BAM—he’s delivered the perfect, understated one-liner that
has me gasping for breath. Much of his humor is incredibly inappropriate. For
example, while watching The Voice, I’ve
averaged three “You’re terrible!” comments per episode in response to his
twisted jokes and observations. 




A strong case can be made that I’m just as terrible, but we
balance one another here; two terrible people in the household at the same time
is too much.




At any rate, this is how it goes:




J: (warped, sick comment about some poor contestant)




Me: “You’re terrible!”




J:  “In a hundred
years, the future Ghost Hunters team will come through this house with their EMF
detectors and MEL meters and FLIR thermal cameras and discover a residual
haunting loop of your disembodied voice saying, ‘You’re terrible!’ over and
over.”




Me: (long pause) … “You’re terrible.”




~~~~




Other breaking news:




I have managed to recreate most of the 1,500 words lost in the new novel when my flash drive died last week, though something about the *new* version still bugs me.




My garden is waterlogged but mostly happy, and I'll do a photo diary soon.




I have been downsized at work, but there are many silver linings--we'll be tightening our belts, but I'll have more time to write ... hopefully the new material doesn't revolve around double coupon shopping trips or a taste-test of ALDI wines or cat food.




We are now 33 days from the release of Mandatory Release. I can tell because my insomnia and nervous pukey feelings have been increasing daily. If you'd like to help me celebrate launch day on Tuesday July 16, I'll be doing an event at Becket's Restaurant in Oshkosh for the Winnebago Literacy Council's. Reading, chat, and book sales from 5-7; tickets are $25 and include snicker-snacks. All proceeds go to support the literacy council.
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