Jess Riley's Blog, page 5

You Can Call Me Thor

Life is full of so many moments when I wish I'd have said something differently--more cleverly, more tenderly, with more insight or wit or empathy. And I have a horrid knack for inserting my foot in my mouth, for not fully completing a thought before it tumbles out of my mouth. Which is why I much prefer email and writing to phone calls and public speaking, but I digress.



Last weekend I played wing-woman for my friend Julie, who is the lead singer in a kick-ass band. In the course of the evening, entertaining things were said and observed. But when a guy who offered to buy us a drink introduced himself as "Thor," I WISH I'd said, "It's great to meet you, Thor! I'm Zena, but you can call me Warrior Princess."



I don't know if it's just my gullibility, but he seemed incredibly sincere about his name actually BEING Thor. He even said that everyone cracks an Adventures in Babysitting joke as soon as they learn his name. He seemed tired of being hassled about it.



Sidebar: remember that scene where Elizabeth Shue's blind-ish best friend is sitting at the bus terminal and they have those clunky little TVs bolted to some of the chairs? Do they still have those?



Moving on. Of course I didn't ask for proof, I just thought it would be fun to pretend I really met someone actually named after a hammer-wielding god from Norse mythology.



In other news, I am being featured on the most-excellent Chick Lit is Not Dead blog today, with five personally inscribed copies of All the Lonely People up for grabs to match my five ridiculous answers to their "5 Best Evers" blog category. If you hop over and enter to win, it will look like I have some friends, which is always awesome.





Other things: Last night I met with a fabulous book club at a place called Cheesecake Heaven. Tonight I'm having a drink with this amazing singer. Tomorrow I'm featuring an interview and book giveaway here on the blog with one of the funniest people I know (you won't want to miss it, trust me). And I have MORE giveaways and interviews on deck. How is it possible that January can be this fun without a tropical vacation?Subscribe with Feedburner

Song Sung Blew

Housekeeping! First, congratulations to Dana Vittum on
winning a copy of December Gephart’s debut novel, Undercover Professor! I’ll be
hosting more authors in the weeks and months to come, with more chances
to win great books, so stay tuned, kemosabes!




Official Blog Post Starts … NOW!




J and I are big-time Song Quoters. We’ll be moseying around the
house, or chopping up a salad for dinner, and all of a sudden one of us will be
struck with the urge to sing a random song lyric that’s vaguely related to the
task at hand: “Put ‘em in your mouth and suck ‘em!” ... while unwrapping a Dove dark chocolate Promise, for example.




(Chef, from South Park, singing “Chocolate Salty Balls”)




Sometimes we make up our own songs. “Restin’ pants, restin’
pants, hot diggity dog, it’s restin’ pants!” A few nights ago we were marching
around the living room singing this together: “Let’s go read! Let’s go read!
Let’s go read!” Because one of our favorite pastimes lately is reading before
bed. Me, all smug on my side with my light, sleek little Kindle, and him on his
side, wrestling with a fifty-pound paperback that keeps falling on his face, in
the delicate lady reading glasses he bought at Fleet Farm.




Speaking of Fleet Farm, did you know that this is where
every AARP-eligible citizen in my city buys birdseed? We were there last
weekend and I lost track of how many natty-looking older gentlemen had only
this item in their cart. We bought a 25 pound bag of sunflower seeds as well,
because we like fitting in with the crowd. They don’t taste the greatest,
though.




There was also a run on mittens! There were seriously thirty
people crammed into a short aisle devoted to gloves and winter hats marked down
to 30% off. J looked at me at one point to dramatically sing a snatch of lyric
from the Michael McDonald song playing on the loudspeakers above.




Sidebar: please revoke my speaking and/or writing privileges
if I ever use the phrase “snatch of lyric” again.




Also, here’s a song: “I just finished my … novella!” (To the
tune of Stevie Wonder’s “I Just Called To Say I Love You”) It’s a lot of firsts
for me: first novella, for one thing. What’s a novella, you ask? It’s basically
a “fun-size” novel. Perfect for a rainy afternoon or to pass the time while you
wait for the oil to be changed in the mini-van.




It’s also the first work of fiction I’ve set in my current
hometown (featuring lots of local landmarks), first story I’ve written entirely
in the third person POV / past tense, first sweet, quirky love story with no
heavy themes (“Hooray!” cheer all of you), AND the first to feature awesome
bonuses. What awesome bonuses, you may be asking? Well, you’ll just have to
wait and see! 




I’m hoping to release it on President’s Day, just so I can
type, “In honor of everyone’s favorite holiday, I give you …"  and then I
announce the title, which is still a secret because I’m not sure I want to keep
it.




Next week I’ll be featured on Chick Lit is Not Dead. I think I answered the wrong interview questions, but as the Cornelius Brothers once sang, "It's too late...to turn back now..."
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Now Presenting: December Gephart! (And a Giveaway)

Hello, Mr. Nipple...

Big welcome to my friend December (we call her 'D'), and congratulations on the recent release of her debut novel,  Undercover Professor! It's such a fun story--takes place in Milwaukee, features a fun "gaming" angle, smart, funny, and definitely made me blush. I'm not too familiar with the romance genre, but I loved this one! D was kind enough to subject herself to my interrogation, which we shall commence with now. (Leave a comment below, and you're entered to win an e-copy of her debut!)








1)     
Where did you get
the idea for Undercover Professor?   Oddly enough - it was a Cosmo or
Glamor magazine.  A few years back I saw a list on the top 10 guys you
should avoid.  And I thought it was rather silly, because why would anyone
need a list written up?  On that list were many of Andy's problems. 
Lives with his mom, in between jobs and doesn't seem too interested in
searching for a new one, etc.   Then one of my pals, who I consider pretty
smart, told me her boyfriend still lived with his parents, and had no intention
of moving out.   And he's a pretty decent guy, but it seemed like a
huge red flag.  They ended up breaking up, and don't worry, she found her
happy ever after with another guy.  




It
got my writerly wheels to turning on a book about a girl who had a personal
list of guys to avoid, due to previous heartbreaks.  But what if ... what if the perfect guy has no ZING, and the guy who's all wrong is zingy all
over the place? 




2)     
I know as a parent,
you’re not supposed to say if you have a favorite child. But as a writer, do
you have a favorite character in the novel?  I
really love cousin Becca.  I know, she rubs a lot of people the wrong way. 
But I just adore how she throws her whole self into love, without any safety
net.  Even though she gets her heart broken over and over, she keeps
pushing forward and believing that her True Love is out there.  She never
ever stops believing.  And I love how crazy she is, and manipulative, but
it all came from this place of blind love.  Everyone knows someone just
like her.  Writing her was so much fun.




I just
finished writing a wildly fun little novella about a Type A girl, and a laid
back guy.  All of their dates go haywire, and it was hilarious watching my
controlling, manic bossy pants get her undies in a bundle, and then watch her
realize that maybe her world wasn't going to fall apart after all.  She is
probably my current favorite.  She has a good sense of humor, but she's
just squirming the entire time.  It's great fun.





3)     
I loved Andy! Was he
loosely inspired by anyone real? How do you feel about writing from a male
perspective?  Well, physically I based him on Bradley Cooper.  Yummy.  In real life, this might shock you, but I don't tend to attract
the playboy one night stand type of fellas who love dumb girls. 




I
actually Love love love writing in the male perspective.  It's quite
natural for me.  If I let myself, I'd have the majority of the book
written in his Point of View.  I just love putting guys through the
emotional wringer, I guess.  It's so fun watching them realize too late
that they've messed it all up, and Oh Crap!  How are they going to fix
it?  They're just so ... easy.  In the best sort of way. 
But I also don't write the AlphaHole males. 




4)     
Who would you most
like to sit next to at a dinner party?  Probably you, because we end up
together sooner or later!  And you don't seem to mind when I get exited
and spittle red wine at you, or my purple tongue.  The important things...




5)     
What keeps you awake
at night?  HA - usually my 2 year old, hollering for a drink of
water.  Or my dog snoring.  Or my husband, snoring.



6)     
What’s next from
you?  I have a few things in the cooker.  I have 2 books in with my
editor now, (one of them is that fun novella.  I can't wait until that
book gets picked up, it's so stinking cute and goofy,) and I just finished up a
third.  Then I have a 4 book series I'm itchy to write. 



7)     
Beets: love them or
hate them?  Hate.  Them.  BLECH, I HATE BEETS.  I'm not
even kidding.




Thanks D! I can't wait to read your next book.  If you'd like to win an e-copy of December's book, leave a comment telling us who YOU'D like to sit next to at a dinner party.



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Happy New Year

And all that fabulous jazz!



To kick off 2013, I am posting over at the Girlfriends' Book Club about how my resolution is to be more mature, stop using my cute dog as a prop, and write more sentences that end with "eat a bag of dicks."



Just kidding. But the post IS all about impulse control, which I have in very limited supply. And there's a cute photo of my dog. So you should go read it.Subscribe with Feedburner

Mey Tismiss!

This is my seventh (!) Christmas on the blog; to celebrate (and because I have to run to the store to finish last-minute shopping), here are some posts from Christmas past:



Bake it Like a Polaroid Picture (2006):  I make scones! And Tom and Jerrys!



Pho, Pho, Pho! Merry Christmas! (2007): I make Pho! Don't know what Pho is? Neither did I, until December of 2007.



Holiday Hodge-Podge (2008): the best part of this post is the list of highlights from college students' journal entries. Enjoy!



Is that a Rhinovirus in your Stocking? (2009): If you scroll down, you'll get to my Non-Stop Glam post, about the Barbie Glamour Camper. If I ever do a Greatest Hits Compilation, this is going on the front page.



To Live in Exciting Times (2010): we have our first Christmas carolers ever, and we lose an offer on a house we wanted to buy. Kind of a mixed-bag.



Patience, Old Grasshopper (2011): This was one of my more popular posts, just behind my rant about the Advanage salesman.





Just a reminder, Larry Meiller's Christmas call-in featuring Santa starts at 11 tomorrow on Wisconsin Public Radio. There is bound to be more cuteness than you can stuff in a baby Build-A-Bear.





As my Christmas gift to you, please enjoy this photo of my neighbor shoveling the sidewalk on his Dad's hoverround.






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St. Nick Remembered my Address!

This very Christmas tree fell over last night. And nothing broke! It's a Christmas miracle...

So look what St. Nick left under my tree! The paperbacks are FINALLY here!!!! I'm really glad, because otherwise I was going to post a photo of the giant bag of jalapeno Cheetos that I bought at Target tonight, and tell you about my grand plan to sort out individual servings into baggies so I don't inhale all 16 servings in one sitting of shame.



(It turned out to be a half-sitting of shame, with J a willing participant in the orange-dusting of fingertips...)



But the paperbacks are now available, so I figured I'd write about that instead. Since it's been FOUR FREAKING YEARS since I've held a book I've written in my hands. (I just fiddled with the photo and now it's off-center. Dammit hole!!! Oh well, just imagine it's in the middle of the page, where it's supposed to be.)



You can order one on Amazon right now, if you get the itch. Sadly, it only comes with the cute little mittens if you're a book blogger. BUT! If you are buying a copy as a gift (a gift to yourself counts, of course), I would be happy to sign it! Where there's a will, there's a wino. I mean way. If you are in a book club I'm meeting with soon, good news! I will only be a little sweaty and spazzy. I will also sign your book. If you live with, are related to me, work with me, or know incriminating things I did in school, of course I will sign your copy! If you live in the Fox Valley area, I am pretty sure I'll be doing some kind of event at one of the awesome libraries via the Fox Cities Book Festival this April. I'll bring my pen!



There are also book plates, and I can send you one of those. Alternately, I can send you a recipe or packet of seeds. Your choice!



There is a signed paperback giveaway beginning on Goodreads (open 'til February 1), and you can hop over to Booking with Manic AND Chick Lit Central tomorrow to enter to win a copy, too. (Thank you to Stephanie Elliott and Melissa Amster!!!)



If you need me, I'll be celebrating by going to the dentist in the morning, participating in a Farm-to-School grant webinar at noon, and working on the new novella at night. (It's my first sweet love story...we'll see how long I can hold out until I crack some weird joke about an athletic supporter and Steve Buscemi's neck. Also, I added tags to this post..apparently, I have written of Steve Buscemi before!)Subscribe with Feedburner

Book Winners, Chicken Sweaters, and Karma

First, congratulations to Amy, Brittany, and Road Warrior Mama--you each won a signed copy of All the Lonely People ! I've emailed Amy and Brittany directly, but Road Warrior Mama--I need you to comment or email me, because I don't have your contact information!




I used the Random Line Picker to select the winners, chosen from a pool of folks who "liked" my Facebook author page, emailed me between November 12 and December 1, or commented here on the blog by last Saturday.




If you didn't win, you still have more chances to win an autographed copy: the Goodreads giveaway starts next week (one copy up for grabs), and I'll be giving away additional copies via several fabulous bloggers in the weeks to come, so stay tuned!




Last week something very exciting happened. I hit my lowest Amazon ranking ever! Look: I cracked the top 300! The lowest I ever got with Driving Sideways was somewhere near 3,000, so this feels mighty fine; I didn't crack the top 100, but oooooh----so close I can taste it! (It tastes like strawberry jelly beans, by the way.) 





Look, ma! People like me! They really do!





But Jess, you may be saying, what does this mean?




Okay, so the basic goal with the ranking system is to get as close to #1 as you can (We're number 1! We're number 1!) But because of the very existence of people like James Patterson, Nicholas Sparks, and E.L James, this is next to impossible for the average smart-ass writer like me. HOWEVER: sometimes life is kind, and ultra-awesome benefactors / fairy author godmothers take pity on you or actually like your book, and tell their fans (or even their editor) about you. Basically: Jen Lancaster and Karen McQuestion rock. Also, look here, on Emily Giffin's website! Recognize anyone on the list? *bats eyelashes*




(Filing all of this away under "definitely paying it forward" and "good karma," in case I'm ever famous...)




Thank you so much to everyone who bought a copy; I hope you enjoy it, and I hope you laugh at the chicken sweaters and rape pit.* If you'd like your e-copy signed, check out my page on Authorgraph; I'll write you a haiku!




The paperback is mere days away, and I'll update the minute it's available. (I have the cutest little hand-knit mittens to tuck in the copies going to book bloggers!!!)




*Aaaack! What!?!? Well, you'll just have to read the book to find out. ;)Subscribe with Feedburner

Last Night was One of Those

nights where you start at an intimate, classy book launch party, all civilized and erudite, and two hours later you find yourself wandering through the crowd at an 80s hairband cover show, plastic pitcher in-hand to collect donations for the medical bills of a single mother with cancer.



I have no idea who the woman with cancer was; a friend pressed me into service because the other people they'd tapped to collect donations 'disappeared' at the last minute. I ended up with mostly my own money in the pitcher, because I am not a very assertive person and most of the people in the crowd looked like Hell's Angels, ultimate fighters, or the women who loved them. And Poison. Because after all, we were at a show featuring a band called "Cherry Pie." I should point out that the whole reason for the band and the crowd was that it was my husband's best friend's Scott's birthday party.



I've written about Scott before; he very thoughtfully surprised us by decorating our sidewalks one day:













 And our Christmas wreath a few years ago:







Also, have you ever been in conversation with someone and they suddenly and quite boldly start to clean their glasses on the edge of your shirt? That happened last night, too.



Wow, I just realized you can see a reflection of me taking the "Welcome Dick Gobbler" picture! I can't remember the last time that storm door window was so clean....more later this week! Subscribe with Feedburner

Now Presenting: Malena Lott

author of the delightful novel, Something New.



I was given a sneak-peek of Malena's newest release early in fall, and loved it. (And isn't that a gorgeous cover?!) About the book:

~~~~~~~

What if you were sure you lived a different life?



Three generations of women. Four secrets. One stage.



When matriarch Maeve Apple receives a letter in the mail that Princess & the Pauper
is being remade, she believes she's 25 again and ready to relive her
stardom. Meanwhile, her daughter, Bess, is dealing with Maeve's
dementia, her own divorce and planning her youngest daughter's wedding,
on the Luxe Weddings reality show. Bess' eldest daughter, Kelly, has a
secret of her own that could threaten her chance at love again. Curvy
Gwen, the youngest, may be the star of Luxe Weddings, but she
finds her heart belongs on the stage, attracted by the lights and her
co-star, as they search for Maeve's long-lost pauper and the biggest
secret of all.



Lott's most romantic tale yet, readers are sure to fall in love with Something New.

~~~~~~~

And now, a bit about Malena!









Something
New features the musical, The Princess
and the Pauper—did you grow up performing in musicals and plays? What about
this particular musical inspired its inclusion in the novel?



My very favorite movie ever is Mary Poppins - a movie
musical, yes, but I didn't get to see stage performances until I was an adult. What
drew me to Princess and the Pauper was feeling confined to a life already
planned out for you, including being married to the richest knight when the
princess was really in love with a pauper so I drew on the original musical
plus Maeve's history in 1949 when she starred at Princess and then again in
modern day with her granddaughter starring in a luxe weddings reality show. The
story is pretty timeless so I think it worked.



Maeve
is such a memorable, colorful character; was she inspired by anyone in your
life?




When I think of Maeve, I think of my
grandmother, her sister, her mother around the table laughing together. They
had so much fun. I remember as a child thinking that they were so much more
than my label on them. They had opinions and bold personalities. None of them
were stage divas, but I think it's great to have a sassafras in the
family. 






You did
such a great job capturing the unique family dynamic between sisters, and I was
especially affected by the fresh vulnerability of Bess, as she undergoes
dramatic and unexpected changes in mid-life.  Did you have any special
routine or approach to writing in the voice of characters from different
generations? 




I'm not sure why, but I did hear
each of their voices very clearly in my head, especially as I started the
second draft and their individual stories were cemented. As for Bess, yes I
felt a special sorrow for both she and Kelly because they were really at
opposite ends of the marital spectrum - Kelly swearing she'd stay single
forever but wanting a baby and Bess having felt like she was only a mother and
wife and caretaker to her mother. I actually think Bess and the gardener Samuel
are probably both character studies in my own grandmother, who raised three
boys before raising three girls (me and my two sisters.) And she loved to sew
and garden, but ever so often she'd say something like, "I always wanted
to own a restaurant," and I'd feel panic that she'd leave us for a job and
also surprise because I thought she'd be perfectly happy with the household and
raising kids. A nice eye opener for me. And as a working mom, I get what she
meant. Many women want something outside of the home that they can call their
own.






If
you could be one character in any book, who would you be?




At this time of the year, I think
being Grinch would be pretty cool. Get that gratitude check and have my heart
grow ten sizes that day. And I'm dying to meet the Whos down in Whoville.




Cilantro:
hate it or love it?




If a chef used it, I'm not gonna
kick it off my tastebuds. I do use it occasionally, but I'm a pretty lazy cook
so I opt for the already mixed seasonings like "Southwest Spices!" or
"5 Fiery Pepper" or "Molasses Bacon" or tonight's seasoning
on the pork chops was "Steakhouse Onion." So I don't really know what's
inside of all them, I just know it makes stuff taste a bit better.


~~~~~

Thanks so much, Malena; congratulations on the new release!!Subscribe with Feedburner

There is More Clicking Involved,

but it's worth it.



I'm blogging at the Girlfriends Book Club on Monday. The title of my post?



The Girls’ Guide to a Book Launch, by the Kenny Powers of Publishing



Now doesn't that make you want to click on over there to read it?




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