Blair Bancroft's Blog, page 63
October 31, 2011
More on Mad as @#$%
Monday, October 31, 2011
Re: my letter of October 26, 2011, to Mr. Phillip Brown, Executive Director of OIA and the Executive Airport.
This morning I had a 20-minute phone call from the Customer Service Manager - Operations at the Greater Orlando Aviation Authority. She was appalled, she told me, as was Mr. Brown, by what happened curbside at Terminal A on Wednesday evening. Portions of my letter would be used in re-training sessions planned for the curbside parking attendants. She had already faxed my letter to their supervisors. She even asked me for physical descriptions of the two attendants mentioned in my letter.
We ended up discussing our children, my books, e-readers, etc., but of greatest importance was the fact that I felt there might be changes made. And perhaps the biggest moral of the story: don't accept rude behavior. We really don't have to "take it." Complain. And complain to the highest authority where it might do some good. The pen really can be mightier than the sword.
Grace
Next on Mosaic Moments: My latest online upload, The Sometime Bride & the novella Mistletoe Moment, due out November 10.
Re: my letter of October 26, 2011, to Mr. Phillip Brown, Executive Director of OIA and the Executive Airport.
This morning I had a 20-minute phone call from the Customer Service Manager - Operations at the Greater Orlando Aviation Authority. She was appalled, she told me, as was Mr. Brown, by what happened curbside at Terminal A on Wednesday evening. Portions of my letter would be used in re-training sessions planned for the curbside parking attendants. She had already faxed my letter to their supervisors. She even asked me for physical descriptions of the two attendants mentioned in my letter.
We ended up discussing our children, my books, e-readers, etc., but of greatest importance was the fact that I felt there might be changes made. And perhaps the biggest moral of the story: don't accept rude behavior. We really don't have to "take it." Complain. And complain to the highest authority where it might do some good. The pen really can be mightier than the sword.
Grace
Next on Mosaic Moments: My latest online upload, The Sometime Bride & the novella Mistletoe Moment, due out November 10.
October 27, 2011
Mad as @#$%
Do you recall the famous line in the movie Network, where the TV anchor yelled out the window, "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it any more"? Well, that's how I felt last night at Orlando International Airport. I look at the "Occupy Wall Street" movement and wonder if it isn't time we did something similar with the airlines. They have made flying a nightmare—and I'm not talking about added security measures. I'm talking about attitude. Everything from baggage fees to the "don't give a damn" approach of many employees, from flight deck to parking attendants. Below, in a letter to the Executive Director of both local airports, you'll see an outline of my experiences at OIA Wednesday evening, October 26, 2011. I also e-mailed TSA and, incredibly, have already had a reply, claiming the jurisdiction is not theirs and I should contact the airport directly. (Interesting, I think, that both my son and I assumed that TSA employees would be nastier than those under local jurisdiction.) Since I'd already written to Mr. Brown, I feel I've done my best and wonder if I'll get a response.
If you have had a bad experience with an airline, don't just take it. Please find a way to complain. It's time we all got as "mad and hell" and refused to take it any more.
My letter of complaint:
Mr. Phillip Brown, Executive Director
Greater Orlando Aviation Authority
One Airport Boulevard
Orlando, Florida 32827
October 26, 2011
Dear Mr. Brown:
On Wednesday evening, October 26, 2011, at a few minutes past 7:00 p.m., I arrived at OIA to pick up my son and a friend who had just flown in on JetBlue from Hartford. From long experience, my son called me when the plane landed, and I left my house, expecting to find them c. twenty minutes later standing on the sidewalk outside JetBlue Arrivals.
Only this time my son wasn't there. A guard approached me, informing me that if my party hadn't arrived in two minutes I would have to leave. When I looked woebegone, he went into the building and checked on the flight, returning to tell me it had arrived only ten minutes earlier at 6:58 (its scheduled time). He then politely told me I needed to circle around and hope they'd be there when I got back. I wasn't happy as I'd never done this before, and at my age new things don't sit well, but of course I did as I was told and found my way around the circle.
This time I drove slowly past JetBlue but still didn't see my son and friend at #11. I pulled in at #13, which seemed to be quiet, and called my son. A guard came charging up, screaming, "Move, move!" I rolled down my window and explained that my son had just told me they were at #11 and were coming my way.
"Move on!"
"But they're coming!"
"Move on or I'll write you a ticket. It's $30(?), and you don't want that. Move on!"
I stared at him in disbelief.
He yelled, "Move on! I'm writing the ticket. I'm writing a ticket now!"
By this time my eyes were misted with tears, but I managed to pull out into traffic without hitting anything and made my second circle around, vowing this was my last pick-up at OIA. In my entire life, no one has ever spoken to me in that fashion. It was surreal. This guard is a Nazi in modern dress. He certainly shouldn't have any contact with customers EVER. There is no excuse for his behavior. Obviously, a smidgeon of power has gone to his head.
By the way, my son and his friend were at #12 by the end of my exchange with the guard and witnessed his incredible behavior. My son and friend were as shocked as I was.
This is no way to run an airport. At this rate, the next great sit-in is likely to be in the lobby of OIA. Remember the famous movie line: "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it any more"? No, I won't be among them. I'm 70+ and don't do sit-ins. But I am a writer, and I'm going to blog about this, maybe put something on Facebook too. I'm an elderly lady, a human being, and there is NO excuse for the way I was treated this evening at OIA.
I hope you will order re-training for parking guards who think they're bootcamp sergeants.
Sincerely,
Grace Ann Kone
If you have had a bad experience with an airline, don't just take it. Please find a way to complain. It's time we all got as "mad and hell" and refused to take it any more.
My letter of complaint:
Mr. Phillip Brown, Executive Director
Greater Orlando Aviation Authority
One Airport Boulevard
Orlando, Florida 32827
October 26, 2011
Dear Mr. Brown:
On Wednesday evening, October 26, 2011, at a few minutes past 7:00 p.m., I arrived at OIA to pick up my son and a friend who had just flown in on JetBlue from Hartford. From long experience, my son called me when the plane landed, and I left my house, expecting to find them c. twenty minutes later standing on the sidewalk outside JetBlue Arrivals.
Only this time my son wasn't there. A guard approached me, informing me that if my party hadn't arrived in two minutes I would have to leave. When I looked woebegone, he went into the building and checked on the flight, returning to tell me it had arrived only ten minutes earlier at 6:58 (its scheduled time). He then politely told me I needed to circle around and hope they'd be there when I got back. I wasn't happy as I'd never done this before, and at my age new things don't sit well, but of course I did as I was told and found my way around the circle.
This time I drove slowly past JetBlue but still didn't see my son and friend at #11. I pulled in at #13, which seemed to be quiet, and called my son. A guard came charging up, screaming, "Move, move!" I rolled down my window and explained that my son had just told me they were at #11 and were coming my way.
"Move on!"
"But they're coming!"
"Move on or I'll write you a ticket. It's $30(?), and you don't want that. Move on!"
I stared at him in disbelief.
He yelled, "Move on! I'm writing the ticket. I'm writing a ticket now!"
By this time my eyes were misted with tears, but I managed to pull out into traffic without hitting anything and made my second circle around, vowing this was my last pick-up at OIA. In my entire life, no one has ever spoken to me in that fashion. It was surreal. This guard is a Nazi in modern dress. He certainly shouldn't have any contact with customers EVER. There is no excuse for his behavior. Obviously, a smidgeon of power has gone to his head.
By the way, my son and his friend were at #12 by the end of my exchange with the guard and witnessed his incredible behavior. My son and friend were as shocked as I was.
This is no way to run an airport. At this rate, the next great sit-in is likely to be in the lobby of OIA. Remember the famous movie line: "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it any more"? No, I won't be among them. I'm 70+ and don't do sit-ins. But I am a writer, and I'm going to blog about this, maybe put something on Facebook too. I'm an elderly lady, a human being, and there is NO excuse for the way I was treated this evening at OIA.
I hope you will order re-training for parking guards who think they're bootcamp sergeants.
Sincerely,
Grace Ann Kone
October 16, 2011
More on RULES FOR ROMANCE
Inspiration for this blog:
The Sometime Bride, written c. 1993, e-published in 2000 by Starlight Writer Publications, soon to be uploaded to Kindle, Smashwords, Nook, Sony, Palm, etc.
As I plowed my way through The Sometime Bride, re-editing all 144,763 words of it, I made a mental list of things I now know not to do when writing a book. But the only things I actually changed were places where experience has given me a better insight into sentence structure. For example, making occasional sentences more active. I left all the other horrible beginner's "mistakes"exactly as they were.
Why?
Because it's still the best book I ever wrote.
What did I do "wrong"?
I wrote in the style of the books I had been reading for the previous forty years, not in the style dictated by romance how-to books (which I didn't know existed).
The Sometime Bride is too long.
The heroine is too young.
Bride is too historical - it even offers historical news bulletins!
The hero has adventures on his own.
Just about everybody has a point of view, which inevitably leads to head-hopping.
The hero commits adultery in the first few pages.
The expediency of war kicks romance to the gutter.
It's still the best book I ever wrote - the true book of my heart.
I'm sure I've failed to mention other broken romance rules, but you get the idea. Bride is a long and challenging read. It's also fun and fascinating, as we watch a young girl become a woman during the course of the Peninsular War. Cover & blurb will be featured on my next blog.
I hope to have The Sometime Bride ready for upload shortly after I get back from an RWA conference in St. Augustine. If I don't get lost on the Ghost Tour!
Until then, enjoy the lovely month of October.
The Sometime Bride, written c. 1993, e-published in 2000 by Starlight Writer Publications, soon to be uploaded to Kindle, Smashwords, Nook, Sony, Palm, etc.
As I plowed my way through The Sometime Bride, re-editing all 144,763 words of it, I made a mental list of things I now know not to do when writing a book. But the only things I actually changed were places where experience has given me a better insight into sentence structure. For example, making occasional sentences more active. I left all the other horrible beginner's "mistakes"exactly as they were.
Why?
Because it's still the best book I ever wrote.
What did I do "wrong"?
I wrote in the style of the books I had been reading for the previous forty years, not in the style dictated by romance how-to books (which I didn't know existed).
The Sometime Bride is too long.
The heroine is too young.
Bride is too historical - it even offers historical news bulletins!
The hero has adventures on his own.
Just about everybody has a point of view, which inevitably leads to head-hopping.
The hero commits adultery in the first few pages.
The expediency of war kicks romance to the gutter.
It's still the best book I ever wrote - the true book of my heart.
I'm sure I've failed to mention other broken romance rules, but you get the idea. Bride is a long and challenging read. It's also fun and fascinating, as we watch a young girl become a woman during the course of the Peninsular War. Cover & blurb will be featured on my next blog.
I hope to have The Sometime Bride ready for upload shortly after I get back from an RWA conference in St. Augustine. If I don't get lost on the Ghost Tour!
Until then, enjoy the lovely month of October.
September 18, 2011
Rules for Romance?
SHOULD ROMANCE NOVELS HAVE RULES?
I started re-editing my very first book yesterday, and all the questions and doubts I've had about "rules" for romance came crashing back at me. I wrote The Sometime Bride when I knew nothing about rules. When I thought I was the only romance author on the Florida Gulf Coast. Beyond page numbering and double spacing, which I'd learned from typing manuscripts for my mother, a children's book author, I knew nothing.
And yet, The Sometime Bride is the best book I ever wrote. Where did I learn, besides hearing about writing at my mother's knee? I learned by reading, which is still the best writer's primer around. And I learned from the disastrous novels I'd tried to write while my children were young. I simply couldn't do it. (And I have great admiration for those who manage it!) They were so bad that even my loving mother suggested I might not be cut out to be an author. (And what a glorious moment a number of years later when she said, "You're better than I ever was."
And the book that followed, Tarleton's Wife (with its own set of broken rules), is the second best book I ever wrote. After that . . . after that I began learning the "rules." Not just by joining RWA, but by the harder lesson of Ballantine telling me they'd be interested in The Sometime Bride if the heroine age wasn't fourteen. I refused (putting paid to a possibly glorious career), and I refused the same request from an e-publisher more than a decade later. I simply couldn't do it. My heroine was who she was, a girl of fourteen who grows into a woman of twenty-one over the course of the Peninsular War.
Who published The Sometime Bride? In the early days of e-publishing a newly formed company, Starlight Writer Publications, requested Tarleton's Wife, evidently after one of the editors read it as a contest judge. They also published Bride, not caring that it was 1) too long; 2) too historical; 3) a bit too literate; that 4) the heroine was fourteen; 5) there were too many POVs; 6) a touch of adultery; 7) head-hopping; and, oh yes, 8) continent hopping. Whatever heinous rule you can name, I broke it.
The Sometime Bride is still the best book I ever wrote. (Talk about the Book of my Heart!) But e-publishers have gone soft now. Who can blame them in this economy? No more chances on novels outside the box. No tolerance for anything but "He said, She said." Just the romance, ma'am. That's all we want. Told as simply as possible, but beef up the sex.
Yet the most amazing thing happened recently. A little book, set in the twelfth century, whose only recognition was a nomination for an Eppie, the "Oscar" of the e-book industry, suddenly blossomed when I changed its name and uploaded it to Kindle & Smashwords, being careful to list it under Historical as well as Historical Romance. The Captive Heiress has soared to #1 in two Kindle categories. It trails only The Temporary Earl as the most-downloaded of my nine indie-pubbed books. A true historical with many real characters. Heroine age nine at the beginning. No sex. Wow!
Encouraged by the sales of The Captive Heiress, I began re-editing The Sometime Bride for indie pub. Except I'm scarcely changing a word. It's historical, it's Regency, but a classic Regency Historical it's defintely not. I simply shake my head as I read it and think, "Did I actually write that?" I hope to have it ready for upload as soon as I receive the cover art, promised for October. But it will still be the same book I wrote before I learned the rules, the book that works the way I wrote it. And would be ruined by imposing "rules" on it.
Career-wise, I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I'd gone along with Ballantine's request so many years ago. Who knows, I might be famous. And wealthy. But The Sometime Bride wouldn't be the book I wrote way back in the early 90s. Did I cut off my nose to spite my face, as the saying goes? Very likely. And yet as I read it now, I know I was right. This is the way it was in Lisbon, London, and Paris from 1807 to 1815. And I thank indie publishing for giving me the opportunity to once again present Bride in its uncut, unadulterated form.
Your comments on your own experiences with—or opinions of—the "rules of romance" are greatly encouraged.
Grace
My books can be found on Kindle, Smashwords, Nook, Sony, Palm, and other e-readers. Please look for books by Blair Bancroft.
I started re-editing my very first book yesterday, and all the questions and doubts I've had about "rules" for romance came crashing back at me. I wrote The Sometime Bride when I knew nothing about rules. When I thought I was the only romance author on the Florida Gulf Coast. Beyond page numbering and double spacing, which I'd learned from typing manuscripts for my mother, a children's book author, I knew nothing.
And yet, The Sometime Bride is the best book I ever wrote. Where did I learn, besides hearing about writing at my mother's knee? I learned by reading, which is still the best writer's primer around. And I learned from the disastrous novels I'd tried to write while my children were young. I simply couldn't do it. (And I have great admiration for those who manage it!) They were so bad that even my loving mother suggested I might not be cut out to be an author. (And what a glorious moment a number of years later when she said, "You're better than I ever was."
And the book that followed, Tarleton's Wife (with its own set of broken rules), is the second best book I ever wrote. After that . . . after that I began learning the "rules." Not just by joining RWA, but by the harder lesson of Ballantine telling me they'd be interested in The Sometime Bride if the heroine age wasn't fourteen. I refused (putting paid to a possibly glorious career), and I refused the same request from an e-publisher more than a decade later. I simply couldn't do it. My heroine was who she was, a girl of fourteen who grows into a woman of twenty-one over the course of the Peninsular War.
Who published The Sometime Bride? In the early days of e-publishing a newly formed company, Starlight Writer Publications, requested Tarleton's Wife, evidently after one of the editors read it as a contest judge. They also published Bride, not caring that it was 1) too long; 2) too historical; 3) a bit too literate; that 4) the heroine was fourteen; 5) there were too many POVs; 6) a touch of adultery; 7) head-hopping; and, oh yes, 8) continent hopping. Whatever heinous rule you can name, I broke it.
The Sometime Bride is still the best book I ever wrote. (Talk about the Book of my Heart!) But e-publishers have gone soft now. Who can blame them in this economy? No more chances on novels outside the box. No tolerance for anything but "He said, She said." Just the romance, ma'am. That's all we want. Told as simply as possible, but beef up the sex.
Yet the most amazing thing happened recently. A little book, set in the twelfth century, whose only recognition was a nomination for an Eppie, the "Oscar" of the e-book industry, suddenly blossomed when I changed its name and uploaded it to Kindle & Smashwords, being careful to list it under Historical as well as Historical Romance. The Captive Heiress has soared to #1 in two Kindle categories. It trails only The Temporary Earl as the most-downloaded of my nine indie-pubbed books. A true historical with many real characters. Heroine age nine at the beginning. No sex. Wow!
Encouraged by the sales of The Captive Heiress, I began re-editing The Sometime Bride for indie pub. Except I'm scarcely changing a word. It's historical, it's Regency, but a classic Regency Historical it's defintely not. I simply shake my head as I read it and think, "Did I actually write that?" I hope to have it ready for upload as soon as I receive the cover art, promised for October. But it will still be the same book I wrote before I learned the rules, the book that works the way I wrote it. And would be ruined by imposing "rules" on it.
Career-wise, I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I'd gone along with Ballantine's request so many years ago. Who knows, I might be famous. And wealthy. But The Sometime Bride wouldn't be the book I wrote way back in the early 90s. Did I cut off my nose to spite my face, as the saying goes? Very likely. And yet as I read it now, I know I was right. This is the way it was in Lisbon, London, and Paris from 1807 to 1815. And I thank indie publishing for giving me the opportunity to once again present Bride in its uncut, unadulterated form.
Your comments on your own experiences with—or opinions of—the "rules of romance" are greatly encouraged.
Grace
My books can be found on Kindle, Smashwords, Nook, Sony, Palm, and other e-readers. Please look for books by Blair Bancroft.
August 29, 2011
Paradise Burning
Amanda Armitage plays a vital role in her family's international investigations agency. Great job, great salary, great heartache, as she lives her life, eyes on the computer screen, fingers on the keyboard. When she loses an agent, a friend, on her watch, she is forced to examine the joylessness of her narrow existence.Mandy's resistance is minimal when her bosses—her parents—send her on a special assignment as research assistant to a best-selling author in Florida. Acknowledging her burnout, she agrees to spend the winter season in paradise, working for Peter Pennington, who is writing a book about international trafficking in women and children. The same trafficking that just got her friend killed. The job will give her an opportunity to unwind while enjoying a season in paradise and still work against the scourge of trafficking. There is, however, a slight glitch. Peter Pennington is the husband she hasn't seen in five years.
When Mandy arrives in Florida, trafficking becomes more up close and personal than anyone planned. Peter involves her in his research of local "working girls," while Mandy accidentally stumbles on a houseful of captive women in the Florida outback. A house where a dark, and unlikely, romance is creeping reluctantly into life in the midst of an evil as old as time.
As Mandy and Peter juggle a rekindling romance with the dangers of international trafficking, the girl once known as Mandy Mouse metamorphoses into a dynamic, independent woman. Perhaps too much so, as the world around them literally goes up in flames, and Mandy, discovering how easily black and white can dissolve into shades of gray, is forced to make the second most difficult decision of her life.
Author's Note: Although Paradise Burning, which features several cross-over characters from Shadowed Paradise, is a stand-alone story, I recommend reading Shadowed Paradise first.
Special Note: In the course of preparing these two books for indie publishing, I discovered it's much easier to update historicals than books set in the present day. I originally wrote these books in the mid-90s when cell phones were just coming in and recordings were done on tape, to mention only a couple of things which had to be updated. I can only hope I caught all the anachronisms!
Both books can be found on Kindle & Smashwords and will soon be available for Nook, Sony, Palm, and other e-readers. Link to Kindle:
http://www.amazon.com/Paradise-Burning-ebook/dp/B005IDV3AU/ref=sr_1_2?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1315279214&sr=1-2
Thanks for stopping by. Coming in October: The Sometime Bride
Blair
August 21, 2011
When Claire Langdon's affluent, near-fairytale life in N...
When Claire Langdon's affluent, near-fairytale life in New York is shattered by scandal, she and her eight-year-old son Jamie take refuge with her grandmother in Florida. Once a bright, confident young woman, Claire has been so badly hurt that when she stumbles onto a genuine downhome hero, learning to trust, to love again, seem beyond her reach. She is also forced to deal with the discovery that there are more serious dangers in Florida than alligators, snakes, spiders, and macho males. Like a serial killer, with her name on his list.
Brad Blue is the son of a Russian defector (from Cold War days); his mother, the daughter of one of Florida's wealthiest cattle barons. (And, yes, Florida is the largest cattle-producing state east of the Mississippi.) Still under forty, Brad is retired from one of Uncle Sam's many secretive "alphabet" agencies. He's tough and lonely and more than ready to settle down to family life, but convincing Claire Langdon to marry him is one of his most difficult assignments. Almost as difficult as discovering the identity of the killer who is stalking female real estate agents in Calusa County, Florida.
From the moment Claire and Brad meet in the midst of a flooded bridge, cultural shock wars with romantic attraction. On top of that, they both have pasts that don't bear close scrutiny. But when Brad offers Claire the job of "sitting" one of his model homes out back of beyond, she accepts. Which is just fine with the killer.
The killer plays a prominent, if anonymous, role throughout the book, gloating over his kills, attempting to justify them. And finally meeting Claire, face to face.
Reviews:
"Marvelously versatile, wondrously creative, intelligently written and sensuously inventive, Bancroft's Shadowed Paradise adds new meaning to the term 'romantic suspense.' . . .as fresh as tomorrow and seriously scary. I loved it."
Celia Merenyi, A Romance Review
"Shadowed Paradise contains all the elements I so enjoy in a book, excellent dialogue, great character development and fine descriptive scenes. The romance is steamy, the suspense is taut and exciting, and the result is a supremely satisfying, well-developed read, guaranteed to keep you glued throughout."
Astrid Kinn, Romance Reviews Today
* * *
Grace Note: Shadowed Paradise is the first of my Romantic Suspense backlist to be uploaded to Kindle, Smashwords, Nook, Sony, and other e-readers. The sequel, Paradise Burning, should follow by the end of August. And please remember that free reads of 20% of each of my books is available at Smashwords. www.smashwords.com
Thanks for stopping by!
Grace, who writes as Blair Bancroft
August 12, 2011
Weekend at Nickolodeon
My guest blogger today is Hailey. She is eight years old and will be entering third grade later this month. When Hailey and her younger sisters returned home from a weekend at Nickolodeon Suites Resort, her mother, fearing the three girls might be too spoiled by living in the Orlando area to appreciate this rare treat, asked Hailey, the oldest, to write about their trip. This is what she wrote—unedited, except for an occasional bit of paragraphing.
* * *
What I did this weekind was . . .
We went to the car and we're driving to a suprise place and we have no idea were we're going. We were driving for 20 minuts. Before that I said "How much longer."
Mommy said "it's eather 10 hrs or 10 mins. But she was trying to trick us. 5 sec later we were there. I said in my head what is this place when we were at the sign. When we were parking I said, "Were at the Nickhotel. I said "Thank you, thank you, thank you."
So we get out of the car and get our suitecace and we go to this place so we can get our wristbands and spend money to get a room. When all that was done, we were walking to the elevater but befor that we passed this amasing place. It was a waterpark, with a pool. Awsom slides, Jaccuzi, miny golf, Basketball, and slime. I said I want to go there.
We got to the elavater floor number 4. When we got up there are room number was 1240. We get the card and waved it around for 1 second. And then a green light went on and then we could open the door then we went inside and we ran into our room. There was a Spongebob room. But there were only 2 beds. So we all had to sleep sideways. [the three girls, ages 5, 6 & 8 in one bedroom of a 2-bedroom suite] We quick got our bathing suits on. And our shoes, and went to floor 1.
And we had to walk a long time around. Like 5 minuts. And then we found the entrance. So we put on sunscreen. And I went on the slide. They were water slides, and were so fun. I started going on every slide. I even get slimed. And we went into the pool. After the water part we took a bath. We got dry. We went to the Nickalodean Mall. I was in a show called Slimetime live. It's a show where you are on eather the Red team or the Blue team. I was on the Red team with Mommy. We did trivea and games. The Blue team lost so the kids had to put pie on there face. My team won so I got slimed. There was a bunch of slime. One of the games I did was I had to get marshmellows into the cup. But you couldnt use your hands. Just your mouth. It was easy.
And after the show we sat in the lounge/Bar while mommy played video games. Then we walked a long time to the room and watched TV while mommy and daddy watched their TV show. Then they came to our room to turn off the TV so we could go to bed and we played a little bit of "Baby."
The next day in the morning we got our bathing suits on and went straight to the waterpark like 12.00 in the morning. We played, and played at the waterpark. Then at 5.00 we got hungry so we ate a SlimJim.
[Grace note: At this point Hailey got tired of writing, as happens to us all. She finished the story by dictating it to me.]
And then Daddy came and he bought us burgers, and Cassidy got grilled cheese. And then we went back into the pool. Cassidy learned how to a dog paddle in the pool. And I wanted to go on the slides, and then after a few rides I went back in the pool with mommy and daddy and Riley and Cassidy.
We went to the Jacuzzi,* and right before we left we went into the mini golf area. After that we went back to our room to take a bath. We did a quick bath because we wanted to see the show that I was in, but I really wasn't in it this time, I just saw it. We played at the arcade and got our tickets from the booth that has the prizes. We went into the bar again so mommy could play games, and daddy taught me a different kind of math. When mommy was done with her game, we left into the room, and we watched a couple of shows before bed, and we were packing a little bit. While we were packing, mommy and daddy were watching their show while they were packing. We went to bed for the last night.
The next morning we finished our packing and we were walking to the parking lot and we left. Then we were driving home, and we sat on the couch at our house and watched TV.
It was a great treat, and it was very fun.
* * *
[*I typed Jacuzzi with a small j and Hailey asked why it had a red line under it. We spell-checked it and discovered it should be capitalized, something she'd actually done when writing "Jaccuzi" above.]
As you probably guessed, Hailey is my granddaughter, and I suspect someday she may walk in the footsteps of both Gramma and Great-gramma (Wilma Pitchford Hays) who wrote children's books.
Thanks for stopping by. Next blog: the cover and blurb for my Romantic Suspense, Shadowed Paradise, which I plan to put online sometime in the next week.
August 6, 2011
Alecyn de Beauclaire, an orphaned heiress, is taken capti...
Alecyn de Beauclaire, an orphaned heiress, is taken captive at age nine by the Earl of Rocheford who wants to enjoy the income from her estates. Her first friend in the strange new world at Castle Rocheford is Ranulf Mort à Mer, a descendant of Vikings and a penniless squire with no hope of ever being able to afford a horse and armor so he can become a knight. As the years go by, their friendship is unwavering, even when tested by the preaching of monks who declare that all women are evil and should be shunned.
When Alecyn is almost fourteen (a marriageable age in Medieval times) King Henry II makes Alecyn his ward. She is thrilled because she knows the king will want to keep her money for himself and, therefore, will not marry her off for several more years. Perhaps there is still time for Ranulf to become a knight and distinguish himself in battle.
In her position as companion/entertainer to the royal children and songstress to the royal court, Alecyn learns not only the epic romance of chivalry, but the dark side of romance as she witnesses the love/hate relationship between the king and queen. Ranulf, meanwhile, learns to fight side by side with a new friend, William Marshall. But even Ranulf's eventual elevation to knighthood is not sufficient to qualify for the hand of an heiress to four fine estates.
Until, one day, Queen Eleanor goes for a hunt on her lands in the Aquitaine, and Ranulf and his friend, William Marshall, are among her escorts. Perhaps, just perhaps, if the three young people survive captivity by Eleanor's rebellious knights, they may have a future after all. But which young knight will King Henry choose for Alecyn?
Special Note:
The Captive Heiress was written as a painless way for people from nine to ninety to learn about Medieval times, particularly the tumultuous twelfth century. In addition to a look at the dramatic lives of King Henry and Eleanor, readers will catch a glimpse of the early days of their many children, including Richard and John who became famous through the Robin Hood legend. Another very important character is William Marshall, often called the greatest knight who ever lived. Please see the "Whatever Happened to . . ." section at the back of the book for the rest of the story of the many real characters in The Captive Heiress.
Warning: marriages were often contracted at birth, and girls commonly married at age fourteen, so modern sensibilities need to be set aside. This is the way it was.
~ * ** ~
My 8-year-old guest blogger - in a move reminiscent of some of her older counterparts! - has not yet finished her blog entry, so here's my latest DIY pub entry. (Some of you may remember the original, Roses in the Mist.) The Captive Heiress is available on Amazon's Kindle and in various formats on Smashwords. It should be available directly from Nook and Sony in the near future. Coming in late August: Shadowed Paradise & Paradise Burning, both contemporary romantic suspense from my backlist.
Thanks for stopping by. Hopefully, young Hailey's tale will be available soon . . .
Grace
July 27, 2011
The Courtesan's Letters
Abigail Todd, the very proper headmistress of an academy for young ladies in Boston, arrives in England to settle her grandmother's estate, having no idea that her grandmother was la grande Clarisse, the most notorious courtesan of her day. Nor that in order to inherit the cottage, which is far grander than she had ever imagined, she must carry out a series of commissions, detailed in letters left by her grandmother. It is also stipulated in the Will that the estate's executor must accompany Abby while she carries out the commissions.
The estate's executor is Jared Verney, Earl of Langley. Not only is he a shining example of England's ruling class, whom Abby despises, but his brother, a military man, helped burn Washington in the recent war. Not an auspicious way to begin a collaboration on eight commissions. To make matters worse, it was Jared's grandfather who installed Abby's grandmother in the cottage and frittered away his fortune showering her with gifts. Which means—oh horrors!—Abby and Jared may be cousins.
Only strict training in manners allows the stiff-necked American and the English aristocrat to move forward, carrying out Clarissa's instructions. Over the course of the commissions, which range from sentimental to uncomfortable, threatening to a stunning surprise, the two antagonists begin to realize that Clarissa might have had an ulterior motive. Is it possible she hoped to achieve for Abby the wedding ring Clarissa was never offered by Jared's grandfather? By the time Abby and Jared recognize the old courtesan's scheme, it may be too late. Clarissa has bound them together as thoroughly as the ribbons around her packets of letters. But is it marriage the earl has in mind, or merely tumbling the proper Bostonian into her grandmother's footsteps?
Reviews:
"This story flows like fine champagne, full of sparkle, zest and energy."
Teresa Roebuck, Romantic Times
"The dialogue sparkles, the plot evolves at a brisk pace, and a diverse cast of secondary characters adds depth and texture to this well-written tale."
Susan Lantz, Romance Reviews Today
"I was completely and utterly seduced by this book. . . . The plot is exquisite, a sparklingly innovative, perfectly executed piece of craftsmanship. . . . It is books like this that restore our faith in the Regency genre. . . ."
Celia Merenyi, A Romance Review
Grace Notes: The Courtesan's Letters (formerly titled, The Indifferent Earl) was a finalist for the RITA, the "Oscar" of the Romance Writers of America. It was also chosen as Regency of the Year by Romantic Times magazine.
Also, my special thanks, as always, to Delle Jacobs for the provocative cover. Since neither one of us could picture using the au naturel painting described in the book on a traditional Regency cover, we settled for the pose and leave the rest to your imagination . . .
Thanks for stopping by. Grace's next Mosaic Moment features as guest blogger a budding author, age 8.
July 14, 2011
Writing 101 - the Final Steps
Welcome back to Writing 101. Today, in Self-editing, Part 2, we look at the "hard stuff." Most of the problems below won't jump out at you on your first edit. It takes time, tenacity, and an open mind to find them. That's why there's more to editing than checking each chapter as you go. How many times do you have to read the darn thing? Hopefully, until you've got it right. Most professional authors, I would estimate, average three edits per manuscript.
As for myself, I edit after each chapter. I edit again after every five chapters (1-5, 6-10, 11-15, 16-20, etc.). And when I've finished the whole book, I go back to the beginning and read from the first word to the last. I'm still keeping an eye out for typos, continuity, etc., but primarily I'm looking for the "hard stuff," the things mentioned below. And—sigh—if I make a lot of changes on this supposedly final edit (and sometimes that happens), I type in the revisions and go back and read the whole thing again to make sure it still flows smoothly with all the new additions and/or deletions.
Am I sick of it by then? Very likely. But I know I'm turning in the best possible manuscript I can provide without putting it away for a year and editing it again. Which I don't do, or I'd never submit anything!
Attention: Contest Entrants. If you only have three chapters, you still need to go through all three editing steps: Easy, Harder, Hardest. (Easy & Harder can be found in "I ran Spell Check. I'm done, right?" (Self-Editing, Part 1) For the hardest things to look for, keep reading.
SELF-EDITING - THE HARD STUFF
Plot. Have you made your plot clear? Or did you leave too many details in your head, causing the reader confusion about what is going on? This is very common, particularly with newbie writers. Please remember that readers never see a synopsis. Everything you want them to know must be in the pages of the manuscript itself.
Did you drop hints about your plot in the opening chapters? The primary plot line shouldn't suddenly appear in Chapter 4 with no previous set-up. I have read contest entries where the pages I received (usually Chapters 1-3) seemed to have nothing to do with the plot outlined in the Synopsis. This is a no-no. There should be hints of the main plot from the very first chapter.
Do you have enough plot to carry your story? If you're writing a simple 50,000-word boy-meets-girl category romance, you don't need nearly as much plot as you do for a 100,000-word romantic suspense. For a longer book, you need sub-plots, a series of lesser goals, more action (which can range from a party to a high-speed car chase to murder).
Example of possible sub-plot: secondary characters have problems of their own.
Do you have so much plot that you've obscured the point of your story? Did you digress into too much history, into a side plot that does not move the story forward, perhaps into scenes that have clever dialogue, but again do not move the story forward. Do you have so many characters that the plot is lost behind a screen of talking heads?
Does your plot make sense, or did you throw a whole bucketful of events onto the pages, figuring something would make sense? Is your ending a downer, not acceptable in romance? Remember what you're writing. Happily Ever After is a requirement.
Basically, your h/h need a major goal to achieve (not always the same goal). Readers must be able to understand why these goals are important to them (motivation). And there must be conflict that almost makes the goal(s) nearly impossible to reach.
Most importantly, never assume the readers know the story as well as you do. Make your plot clear, with enough hints early on that readers will understand the larger issues facing the hero and heroine.
Conflict. It's all too easy to assume that bickering between the hero and heroine provides conflict. Not so. Yes, they can have surface conflict if it fits the story, but true conflict is much more serious. The hero and heroine need External conflict that keeps them apart. This is usually from outside forces that are trying to get them to do something they don't want to do. (I recall one memorable book where the h/h feared to marry because madness ran in the heroine's family.) External conflict can be as common as family pressure or something as serious as someone is trying to kill them. Whatever the External conflict, it should be strong, not simply banter between the h/h. Internal conflict is also very important. This is the angst suffered by both hero and heroine over some problem. For example, the separate reactions of both hero and heroine to the possibility of having to sacrifice something important so they can be together. In introspection (their private thoughts), they agonize over this problem. Or perhaps the Internal conflict is simply the heroine trying to decide between two men. Just keep in mind that books without true conflict don't make it into print. Or e-pub.
Characterization. Did you give a physical description of your main characters and your important secondary characters? Did you identify them? (It's so easy to forget readers don't know these people the way you do.) Readers want to empathize with the main characters. They want you to get inside the hero's and heroine's heads and let them see what they see, hear what they hear, feel what they feel. They want to care about these characters. This is hard to do if you don't give them enough description and background to go on. This can be done in just a few sentences, but when judging contests, I so often find that newbie writers forget that readers don't know their characters the way they do. They simply don't give us the information we need to understand and invest ourselves in these characters. It's all right for the h/h to have flaws, but we need to get the feeling they are truly likable, and in the end they will learn to be better people.
Dialogue. Is your dialogue natural? Do your characters sound like real people? Do they sound like the individual characters you have created? Stilted dialogue stops a story dead. Each character should have his/her way of speaking and stick to that style. And, above all, do not write dialogue for the sake of dialogue or because it's so much easier to write. Yes, dialogue can add color, but it needs to move the story forward, not wander off on a tangent unconnected with your main storyline. And have you punctuated the tags correctly? (No full sentences as dialogue tags.)
Narration. Have you added description and/or action to your dialogue? See example below from The Courtesan's Letters by Blair Bancroft, showing the integration of narration into dialogue.
"That was the promise I made." The Earl of Langley resumed his long strides toward Arbor Cottage.
Lunging forward, Captain Verney planted himself in his brother's path. "But why?" he demanded.
Around them the woods shimmered in the late afternoon of one of summer's longest days. Birds still twittered. Small creatures scurried through the underbrush, their passage marked only by a soft rustling of leaves and twigs. Jared Verney raised his pewter eyes to another set so like his own. "I've walked this path countless times," he said. "I liked her. She was kind, generous, always willing to listen. Even after I was grown, I continued to visit. She was the one person who would listen—"
"Listen?" Is that what an old tart is reduced to? Listening?"
"It's not a bad attribute," Jared chided softly. "Looking back, I could have wished more of my chère amies had been so gifted."
"Are your bones so ancient then, brother, that you've given up the muslin company?"
"Perhaps." Jared took time to consider his reply. "I confess I found a certain ennui when looking over the fresh crop at Hetty Jamison's establishment. As much, I dare say, as you found in the new bevy of maidens at Almack's. And even if I could afford to stay in town, I could scarce sport the blunt to set up an opera dancer or even a ripe widow. So you may have the right of it. I am getting old." Jared turned his back and strode off toward Arbor Cottage, leaving Myles to stare after him, wondering how his brotherly teasing had gone awry.
***
Have you included the thoughts (introspection) of the person whose viewpoint you're in? Have you added color to your story by describing settings—locations, landscapes, room furnishings, etc.? Example below from The Courtesan's Letters, illustrating setting and introspection.
Abby's feet seemed stuck to the shimmering pastels of the Persian carpet. At least, now that she was alone, she could openly gawk. The room was huge, with two pink marble fireplaces. Floor-to-ceiling windows, arched at the top in Gothic style, lit the far end of the room on three sides where the bedchamber extended beyond the confines of the main structure. The windowed area was set up as a sitting room, with furniture upholstered in cream brocade and accented by throw cushions in rose and palest pink. The occasional tables and chests were decorated with the finest marqueterie. The bed . . . Abby swallowed, felt a quiver of something quite strange flutter her insides. Got the old earl to buy her the best of everything, she did. Oh my, yes. The bed was big enough to accommodate a dozen earls. The tester bed was walnut, at least seven feet long and six across, both canopy and posts elaborately carved. The scalloped valance skirting the wooden canopy was of heavy raw silk embroidered in a crewel design, as was the matching quilt. Rose silk hangings were tied back at each of the four corners by graceful ropes of metallic gold. The room's remaining furnishings, the chests and wardrobes were chinoiserie. Museum pieces, Abby speculated, each elaborately painted in fantastic designs of a quality only Boston's most wealthy Brahmins could afford to purchase from the cargos of its world-traveling merchant fleet. She had come these thousands of miles, expecting little but the adventure of it. And because an unknown woman, now deceased, had wished her to. Now came the startling surprise. Obviously, Arbor Cottage was worth far more than she had expected.
The mystery deepened. Who was Miss Clarissa Bivens? Curiosity unglued Abby's feet. She strode to the wall, pulled the cord on the silk curtain covering what Mrs. Deering had indicated was a painting of her former mistress. Dear God in heaven! Abby closed the curtains faster than she had opened them. She stood, quivering, fighting the good fight with a long array of Puritan and Pilgrim ancestors. Her father might have been born in England, but her mother's forebears had stepped off the Mayflower itself.
Gingerly, she tugged on the cord, gradually reopening the pink silk curtain. Perhaps on second view it wouldn't be so . . .
It was.
***
Setting. Did you put your characters against a well-described background (location, time, environment)? Or did you have them speaking & thinking against a blank canvas? Readers like to be able to picture scenes in their head. Be sure you give them something to go on. Are we in the city or country? New England or England? The Deep South or South Africa? Is it hot, cold, raining, snowing? Is it the nineteenth century or the twelfth? You're the author; don't leave the reader struggling to paint the backdrop for you.
Style. Did you make the drama dramatic enough, the comedy, funny enough? Did you make the scary parts scary enough? The love scenes as sweet, tender, hot, or erotic enough, according to the sub-genre you're writing? Or were you rushing when a big moment came and sloughed it off with no more than a couple of sentences?
Did you indulge in what I call Unintentional Mystery? This means that you failed to give readers information they needed to know in order to understand the story. For example, the hero's or heroine's background. Or plot information you put in the Synopsis but left out of the manuscript. Are there secondary characters you failed to introduce? (You knew who they were, but the readers haven't a clue.) Or any other vital information readers need to understand what is going on.
Did you Show, not Tell? (Write an Active story or a Passive one?) If there is one thing that will kill a story fast, it's writing in "storyteller" mode. You are not the narrator sitting around a campfire telling a story. You are a writer who must get inside her main characters' heads and let readers see the action from their Point of View. A simple example of Show vs. Tell (Active vs. Passive):
Active: A daunting sight met her eyes.
Passive: The sight which met her eyes was daunting.
Example of Active ("Show") from The Courtesan's Letters:
Miss Abigail Todd, far from the scrutiny of her pupils in Miss Todd's Academy for Young Ladies in Boston, peered out the window of the post chaise with unabashed curiosity. Now that the city of London had been left behind, the countryside was remarkably familiar. New England had been aptly named, she decided. Although the fields here were smaller and laid out in a fantasy maze of uneven shapes framed in hedgerows, the overall feel of the land was so similar she might have been traveling the post road from Boston to Providence. There were fewer acres of towering trees in this much older country, she conceded, but that was a boon, surely, for highwaymen could shelter in heavy woods, lying in wait for two lone women traveling the road to Bath.
Enough! A woman of eight and twenty, owner and headmistress of her own school, had long since learned not to ask for trouble. She would leave the conjuring of bogeymen to her wide-eyed thirteen-year-olds.
"I cannot like it," declared a voice beside Abby for perhaps the twentieth time in the past two days. Mrs. Hannah Greaves, a lady of imposing angular shape that belied a heart as soft as butter, had been pressed into service as Miss Abigail Todd's companion for the long journey to England. "That man was surely hiding something," Mrs. Greaves continued her complaint. "And I fear to know what. Here we are, off to some unknown spot in the English countryside, just the two of us—"
"But it's an adventure," Abby teased, her usually solemn features dancing into a grin. "With Mr. Smallwood making the arrangements, for all we know we could be headed for Gretna Green or some Gothic castle with dark dungeons—"
"Abigail Todd!" Forgetting her own doubts, the older woman was shocked. "You cannot truly suspect Mr. Smallwood of such ah—treachery."
***
Example of Passive - The opening of The Courtesan's Letters, restructured as an example of "Tell, not Show," with a dash of "Unintentional Mystery,"and cliché. Note: This is an example of how NOT to write your opening scene.
Abigail peered out the window of the post chaise. She was surprised to discover England looked so much like the countryside back home in New England. She was grateful, however, that this older country did not have so many woods that might shelter highwaymen. Foolishness, she thought. She was twenty-eight years old, headmistress of her own school. She would not let her imagination run away with her.
"I cannot like it," Hannah said. "That man was surely hiding something."
"But it's an adventure," Abby teased. "With Mr. Smallwood making the arrangements, we could end up anywhere, perhaps even some dark castle."
"Surely not!" Hannah was shocked.
***
Overall Impression. Did you draw your h/h well enough that readers will be intrigued, no matter what they get up to? Did you truly say what you wanted to say, or are the best parts still in your head? Please remember that putting essential details into the Synopsis is not enough. Repeat: A reader never sees the synopsis. Everything you want the reader to know must be in the pages of the manuscript itself.
* * ***
This is the last installment of Writing 101, at least for now. I am considering expanding and polishing these articles into book form and would really appreciate your comments. For example:
What did I leave out? (Obviously, a ton of stuff.)
What should I add?
What did I get wrong? If so, please explain.
Were there sections you found unclear? (Don't forget to say which ones!)
Any other comments that pop into your mind.
As always, thanks so much for stopping by. The Courtesan's Letters (formerly, The Indifferent Earl) will be available soon on Kindle and Smashwords, and c. a couple of weeks later on Nook, Sony, Palm, etc.
Come on back to Grace's Mosaic Moments for some lighter fare next time around.
Grace
As for myself, I edit after each chapter. I edit again after every five chapters (1-5, 6-10, 11-15, 16-20, etc.). And when I've finished the whole book, I go back to the beginning and read from the first word to the last. I'm still keeping an eye out for typos, continuity, etc., but primarily I'm looking for the "hard stuff," the things mentioned below. And—sigh—if I make a lot of changes on this supposedly final edit (and sometimes that happens), I type in the revisions and go back and read the whole thing again to make sure it still flows smoothly with all the new additions and/or deletions.
Am I sick of it by then? Very likely. But I know I'm turning in the best possible manuscript I can provide without putting it away for a year and editing it again. Which I don't do, or I'd never submit anything!
Attention: Contest Entrants. If you only have three chapters, you still need to go through all three editing steps: Easy, Harder, Hardest. (Easy & Harder can be found in "I ran Spell Check. I'm done, right?" (Self-Editing, Part 1) For the hardest things to look for, keep reading.
SELF-EDITING - THE HARD STUFF
Plot. Have you made your plot clear? Or did you leave too many details in your head, causing the reader confusion about what is going on? This is very common, particularly with newbie writers. Please remember that readers never see a synopsis. Everything you want them to know must be in the pages of the manuscript itself.
Did you drop hints about your plot in the opening chapters? The primary plot line shouldn't suddenly appear in Chapter 4 with no previous set-up. I have read contest entries where the pages I received (usually Chapters 1-3) seemed to have nothing to do with the plot outlined in the Synopsis. This is a no-no. There should be hints of the main plot from the very first chapter.
Do you have enough plot to carry your story? If you're writing a simple 50,000-word boy-meets-girl category romance, you don't need nearly as much plot as you do for a 100,000-word romantic suspense. For a longer book, you need sub-plots, a series of lesser goals, more action (which can range from a party to a high-speed car chase to murder).
Example of possible sub-plot: secondary characters have problems of their own.
Do you have so much plot that you've obscured the point of your story? Did you digress into too much history, into a side plot that does not move the story forward, perhaps into scenes that have clever dialogue, but again do not move the story forward. Do you have so many characters that the plot is lost behind a screen of talking heads?
Does your plot make sense, or did you throw a whole bucketful of events onto the pages, figuring something would make sense? Is your ending a downer, not acceptable in romance? Remember what you're writing. Happily Ever After is a requirement.
Basically, your h/h need a major goal to achieve (not always the same goal). Readers must be able to understand why these goals are important to them (motivation). And there must be conflict that almost makes the goal(s) nearly impossible to reach.
Most importantly, never assume the readers know the story as well as you do. Make your plot clear, with enough hints early on that readers will understand the larger issues facing the hero and heroine.
Conflict. It's all too easy to assume that bickering between the hero and heroine provides conflict. Not so. Yes, they can have surface conflict if it fits the story, but true conflict is much more serious. The hero and heroine need External conflict that keeps them apart. This is usually from outside forces that are trying to get them to do something they don't want to do. (I recall one memorable book where the h/h feared to marry because madness ran in the heroine's family.) External conflict can be as common as family pressure or something as serious as someone is trying to kill them. Whatever the External conflict, it should be strong, not simply banter between the h/h. Internal conflict is also very important. This is the angst suffered by both hero and heroine over some problem. For example, the separate reactions of both hero and heroine to the possibility of having to sacrifice something important so they can be together. In introspection (their private thoughts), they agonize over this problem. Or perhaps the Internal conflict is simply the heroine trying to decide between two men. Just keep in mind that books without true conflict don't make it into print. Or e-pub.
Characterization. Did you give a physical description of your main characters and your important secondary characters? Did you identify them? (It's so easy to forget readers don't know these people the way you do.) Readers want to empathize with the main characters. They want you to get inside the hero's and heroine's heads and let them see what they see, hear what they hear, feel what they feel. They want to care about these characters. This is hard to do if you don't give them enough description and background to go on. This can be done in just a few sentences, but when judging contests, I so often find that newbie writers forget that readers don't know their characters the way they do. They simply don't give us the information we need to understand and invest ourselves in these characters. It's all right for the h/h to have flaws, but we need to get the feeling they are truly likable, and in the end they will learn to be better people.
Dialogue. Is your dialogue natural? Do your characters sound like real people? Do they sound like the individual characters you have created? Stilted dialogue stops a story dead. Each character should have his/her way of speaking and stick to that style. And, above all, do not write dialogue for the sake of dialogue or because it's so much easier to write. Yes, dialogue can add color, but it needs to move the story forward, not wander off on a tangent unconnected with your main storyline. And have you punctuated the tags correctly? (No full sentences as dialogue tags.)
Narration. Have you added description and/or action to your dialogue? See example below from The Courtesan's Letters by Blair Bancroft, showing the integration of narration into dialogue.
"That was the promise I made." The Earl of Langley resumed his long strides toward Arbor Cottage.
Lunging forward, Captain Verney planted himself in his brother's path. "But why?" he demanded.
Around them the woods shimmered in the late afternoon of one of summer's longest days. Birds still twittered. Small creatures scurried through the underbrush, their passage marked only by a soft rustling of leaves and twigs. Jared Verney raised his pewter eyes to another set so like his own. "I've walked this path countless times," he said. "I liked her. She was kind, generous, always willing to listen. Even after I was grown, I continued to visit. She was the one person who would listen—"
"Listen?" Is that what an old tart is reduced to? Listening?"
"It's not a bad attribute," Jared chided softly. "Looking back, I could have wished more of my chère amies had been so gifted."
"Are your bones so ancient then, brother, that you've given up the muslin company?"
"Perhaps." Jared took time to consider his reply. "I confess I found a certain ennui when looking over the fresh crop at Hetty Jamison's establishment. As much, I dare say, as you found in the new bevy of maidens at Almack's. And even if I could afford to stay in town, I could scarce sport the blunt to set up an opera dancer or even a ripe widow. So you may have the right of it. I am getting old." Jared turned his back and strode off toward Arbor Cottage, leaving Myles to stare after him, wondering how his brotherly teasing had gone awry.
***
Have you included the thoughts (introspection) of the person whose viewpoint you're in? Have you added color to your story by describing settings—locations, landscapes, room furnishings, etc.? Example below from The Courtesan's Letters, illustrating setting and introspection.
Abby's feet seemed stuck to the shimmering pastels of the Persian carpet. At least, now that she was alone, she could openly gawk. The room was huge, with two pink marble fireplaces. Floor-to-ceiling windows, arched at the top in Gothic style, lit the far end of the room on three sides where the bedchamber extended beyond the confines of the main structure. The windowed area was set up as a sitting room, with furniture upholstered in cream brocade and accented by throw cushions in rose and palest pink. The occasional tables and chests were decorated with the finest marqueterie. The bed . . . Abby swallowed, felt a quiver of something quite strange flutter her insides. Got the old earl to buy her the best of everything, she did. Oh my, yes. The bed was big enough to accommodate a dozen earls. The tester bed was walnut, at least seven feet long and six across, both canopy and posts elaborately carved. The scalloped valance skirting the wooden canopy was of heavy raw silk embroidered in a crewel design, as was the matching quilt. Rose silk hangings were tied back at each of the four corners by graceful ropes of metallic gold. The room's remaining furnishings, the chests and wardrobes were chinoiserie. Museum pieces, Abby speculated, each elaborately painted in fantastic designs of a quality only Boston's most wealthy Brahmins could afford to purchase from the cargos of its world-traveling merchant fleet. She had come these thousands of miles, expecting little but the adventure of it. And because an unknown woman, now deceased, had wished her to. Now came the startling surprise. Obviously, Arbor Cottage was worth far more than she had expected.
The mystery deepened. Who was Miss Clarissa Bivens? Curiosity unglued Abby's feet. She strode to the wall, pulled the cord on the silk curtain covering what Mrs. Deering had indicated was a painting of her former mistress. Dear God in heaven! Abby closed the curtains faster than she had opened them. She stood, quivering, fighting the good fight with a long array of Puritan and Pilgrim ancestors. Her father might have been born in England, but her mother's forebears had stepped off the Mayflower itself.
Gingerly, she tugged on the cord, gradually reopening the pink silk curtain. Perhaps on second view it wouldn't be so . . .
It was.
***
Setting. Did you put your characters against a well-described background (location, time, environment)? Or did you have them speaking & thinking against a blank canvas? Readers like to be able to picture scenes in their head. Be sure you give them something to go on. Are we in the city or country? New England or England? The Deep South or South Africa? Is it hot, cold, raining, snowing? Is it the nineteenth century or the twelfth? You're the author; don't leave the reader struggling to paint the backdrop for you.
Style. Did you make the drama dramatic enough, the comedy, funny enough? Did you make the scary parts scary enough? The love scenes as sweet, tender, hot, or erotic enough, according to the sub-genre you're writing? Or were you rushing when a big moment came and sloughed it off with no more than a couple of sentences?
Did you indulge in what I call Unintentional Mystery? This means that you failed to give readers information they needed to know in order to understand the story. For example, the hero's or heroine's background. Or plot information you put in the Synopsis but left out of the manuscript. Are there secondary characters you failed to introduce? (You knew who they were, but the readers haven't a clue.) Or any other vital information readers need to understand what is going on.
Did you Show, not Tell? (Write an Active story or a Passive one?) If there is one thing that will kill a story fast, it's writing in "storyteller" mode. You are not the narrator sitting around a campfire telling a story. You are a writer who must get inside her main characters' heads and let readers see the action from their Point of View. A simple example of Show vs. Tell (Active vs. Passive):
Active: A daunting sight met her eyes.
Passive: The sight which met her eyes was daunting.
Example of Active ("Show") from The Courtesan's Letters:
Miss Abigail Todd, far from the scrutiny of her pupils in Miss Todd's Academy for Young Ladies in Boston, peered out the window of the post chaise with unabashed curiosity. Now that the city of London had been left behind, the countryside was remarkably familiar. New England had been aptly named, she decided. Although the fields here were smaller and laid out in a fantasy maze of uneven shapes framed in hedgerows, the overall feel of the land was so similar she might have been traveling the post road from Boston to Providence. There were fewer acres of towering trees in this much older country, she conceded, but that was a boon, surely, for highwaymen could shelter in heavy woods, lying in wait for two lone women traveling the road to Bath.
Enough! A woman of eight and twenty, owner and headmistress of her own school, had long since learned not to ask for trouble. She would leave the conjuring of bogeymen to her wide-eyed thirteen-year-olds.
"I cannot like it," declared a voice beside Abby for perhaps the twentieth time in the past two days. Mrs. Hannah Greaves, a lady of imposing angular shape that belied a heart as soft as butter, had been pressed into service as Miss Abigail Todd's companion for the long journey to England. "That man was surely hiding something," Mrs. Greaves continued her complaint. "And I fear to know what. Here we are, off to some unknown spot in the English countryside, just the two of us—"
"But it's an adventure," Abby teased, her usually solemn features dancing into a grin. "With Mr. Smallwood making the arrangements, for all we know we could be headed for Gretna Green or some Gothic castle with dark dungeons—"
"Abigail Todd!" Forgetting her own doubts, the older woman was shocked. "You cannot truly suspect Mr. Smallwood of such ah—treachery."
***
Example of Passive - The opening of The Courtesan's Letters, restructured as an example of "Tell, not Show," with a dash of "Unintentional Mystery,"and cliché. Note: This is an example of how NOT to write your opening scene.
Abigail peered out the window of the post chaise. She was surprised to discover England looked so much like the countryside back home in New England. She was grateful, however, that this older country did not have so many woods that might shelter highwaymen. Foolishness, she thought. She was twenty-eight years old, headmistress of her own school. She would not let her imagination run away with her.
"I cannot like it," Hannah said. "That man was surely hiding something."
"But it's an adventure," Abby teased. "With Mr. Smallwood making the arrangements, we could end up anywhere, perhaps even some dark castle."
"Surely not!" Hannah was shocked.
***
Overall Impression. Did you draw your h/h well enough that readers will be intrigued, no matter what they get up to? Did you truly say what you wanted to say, or are the best parts still in your head? Please remember that putting essential details into the Synopsis is not enough. Repeat: A reader never sees the synopsis. Everything you want the reader to know must be in the pages of the manuscript itself.
* * ***
This is the last installment of Writing 101, at least for now. I am considering expanding and polishing these articles into book form and would really appreciate your comments. For example:
What did I leave out? (Obviously, a ton of stuff.)
What should I add?
What did I get wrong? If so, please explain.
Were there sections you found unclear? (Don't forget to say which ones!)
Any other comments that pop into your mind.
As always, thanks so much for stopping by. The Courtesan's Letters (formerly, The Indifferent Earl) will be available soon on Kindle and Smashwords, and c. a couple of weeks later on Nook, Sony, Palm, etc.
Come on back to Grace's Mosaic Moments for some lighter fare next time around.
Grace
