Shannon Ables's Blog, page 330

Thoughts from the Editor: Bend, Sweet Bend

 “Living with fear stops us taking risks, and if you don’t go out on the branch, you’re never going to get the best fruit.” –Sarah Parish

As the well-known saying goes, while we can make plans, it doesn’t mean life will fall in lock-step. In fact, you may remember last year, I had put my house on the market and announced I was moving to Walla Walla, Washington. And as you may also know, that hasn’t happened yet.

However, I refused to give up. I refused. Something, a very big something, continued to tickle me and urge me to keep trying as I knew my life needed a change, but this time I reached a little higher, took an even bigger risk and well, now, I am pinching myself.

If you’ve never heard of Bend, Oregon, the most central town in Oregon, let me briefly explain why I fell in love with it as a child, and even when my attention waned as a young woman, never quite forgot how comfortable and splendid it was. Situated at the foothills of Mt. Bachelor and surrounded by endless outdoor activities, it has grown tremendously in the past decade. With a bustling downtown, all-types of restaurants and artisanal bakeries galore, Bend offers the small town feel in a town of 108,000 and growing. From breweries to bookstores, kayaking runs to walking trails for you, your dogs, a bike and who knows what else, it blends what I love most about my two most traveled to towns/cities in Oregon (Wallowa County and Portland) into one location.

 ~Mirror Pond at Drake Park in Bend, Oregon~

But why am I sharing this with you?

Well, I am thrilled to share that I have been given the opportunity to teach English at one of Bend’s high schools starting this coming fall. Yep, you heard me right. That means, TSLL will be rooted in Bend, Oregon, as soon as this summer.

One of the reasons I am ecstatic about this new life adventure is that I am  always trying to exemplify what I share on the blog – how to live simply luxuriously – chase your dreams, be willing to practice patience, and refuse to stop believing. With the beginning of this adventure, in one way I am at the end of the culmination of creating a simply luxurious life because a career goal of mine has finally come true with regards to teaching, but on the other end of the spectrum I’m just beginning to create a simply luxurious life – from scratch. And I cannot wait to take you along with me as I travel along on my journey. In other words, I will be demonstrating how to live a simply luxurious life – how to navigate, how to establish yourself in a new locale and much, much more.

While I know a little about living in Bend, I have much more to learn, and I am under no misconceptions that I will make mistakes and have struggles along the way. But you better believe, I am excited to get started. Hey, if Julia and Paul Child ventured through it on their cross-country road trip to determine if they would be suitable to be married (granted it was a lot smaller in the 1950s), I think there might just be a bit of magic in its air. And I’m going to find out. Here we go!

~Drake Park in Bend, Oregon~

Alongside me as I go will be my boys as you might imagine – Norman and Oscar – and with Bend being a doggie heaven-on-earth, I am confident this is an ideal move for them as well.

Of course this means my house is back on the market, but not without a few luxurious upgrades. Have a look at the changes below and click here to see the entire tour of TSLL house.

Images: (0) (1) (rockmaven56)

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Word of the Week: No.3

Click for pronunciation

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~WORD OF THE WEEK ARCHIVES:

~No. 1 – alacrity

~No. 2 – serendipity

Image: (1)

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Outfit of the Week: A Simple Ensemble

~J.Crew Perforated Drapey Crepe Dress, use promo code YAYMAY, 25%~

~Ben-Amun gold-tone necklace~

~Halston Heritage Leather Shoulder bag~

~J.Crew Lena calf-hair sandals, YAYMAY for 25% savings~

~Missoni knit belted coat~

~SHOP THE OUTFIT:

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Style Inspiration: A Melange of Sophistication

Depending upon your signature style, you will feel comfortable in certain separates, accessorizing with particular jewelry or handbags and be more willing to experiment with certain items (shoes, tops, etc), versus others (pants, dresses, etc). In today’s Style Inspiration, take a cue from these women who clearly have figured out what works for their style and personality. From a brilliantly bold red blazer to beautifully unique sunglasses, your style is just that – yours. Have fun, make your mark and don’t apologize. Sophistication resides in the confident women who chooses the clothes, not the clothes themselves.

~STYLE INSPIRATION POSTS FROM THE ARCHIVES:

~NYFW Cool Style

~A Sprinkle of Style

~Prints & Neutrals

 

Images: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6)(7) (8) (9) (10) (11) (12)

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Met Gala Red Carpet 2015

~Amal Clooney in Maison Margiela~

Monday evening in New York City brought out the designers and their muses, as well as some magnificent statement gowns as they coronated the new Costume Institute’s spring exhibit at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, China: Through the Looking Glass. Open to the public beginning May 7th and running through August 16th, stylists took their cue from the theme and dressed their starlets accordingly.

With a bevy of scarlet, other primary colors as well were prevalent. And while all of the gowns included in today’s post captured my attention, it was Bee Shaffer, Keri Russell and Ivanka Trump that topped my list. Do have a look, and feel free to share your thoughts. I must tip my hat to SJP for always raising the bar and Maggie Gyllenhaal for choosing a unique style that looks magnificent on her physique. No doubt, the discussion will continue for quite some time. Enjoy the tour.

 ~Caroline Trentini in Atelier Versace~

~Karolina Kurkova~

 ~Sofia Vergara in Marchesa~

~Helen Mirren~

 ~Alexa Chung in Erdem~

~Keri Russell in Altuzarra~

 ~Maggie Gyllenhaal in Roland Mouret~

~Reese Witherspoon in Jason Wu~

~Gigi Hadid in Diane von Furstenberg~

~Karlie Kloss in Atelier Versace~

~Joan Smalls~

~Kerry Washington in Prada~

~Jessica Chastain~

~Poppy Delevingne in Marchesa~

~Bee Shaffer in Alexander McQueen~

~Rosie Huntington Whiteley~

~Ivanka Trump~

~Emma Roberts~

~Rhianna in Guo Pei~

~Sarah Jessica Parker in Philip Treacy Custom headdress, dress of her own design in collaboration with H&M~

~PREVIOUS POSTS FROM THE PAST :

~Met Gala Red Carpet 2014 Favorites

~2013 Met Gala Red Carpet

~2010 Met Gala Red Carpet

Images: Vogue, Vogue’s Instagram

 

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How to Construct a Healthy Social Circle

“A healthy relationship will inspire you to be more of who you are, not require you to give up who you are.”   -Unknown
The Simple Sophisticate, episode #36

Recently news arrived in my life that while I have been consciously and unconsciously working toward for quite some time, I will admit I’m not sure it has entirely sunk in just yet. (As to what it is, I promise to share in the coming days and weeks.) And being the analytical person that I am, I wanted to see how it came about, or if nothing else, what aided into allowing for the event to bloom into fruition.

What I know for certain is that if an outcome that is sought involves other people making the decision, how we interact and with whom we interact with leading up to the outcome we seek is vitally imperative. In other words, the people we choose to welcome into our lives, how we interact with the people in our lives and who we release from our lives, plays a significant role in the contentment we feel and the overall quality of our lives: professional and personal.

So who should welcome and who should we usher to the door? That is precisely what we will discussing today.

Politely Show the Door to the Following People:

“People think being alone makes you lonely, but I don’t think that’s true. Being surrounded by the wrong people is the loneliest thing in the world.” -Kim Culbertson

~Disrespectful Individuals

“You can’t force a person to show you respect, but you can refuse to be disrespected.” – Unknown

At first introduction, you may not be able to discern if they will be disrespectful, but quite quickly you will. It may be rather in what they don’t do, more so than based on what they actually do, so pay attention, and don’t make excuses for them. If someone continually is without appreciation for your position as a superior or the time and energy you have expended to them, let them go. If they are blatantly disrespectful with their actions or words, let them go.

~Stressors

“You should only aim to be stressed by situations and not by people.” -Unknown

There will be a variety of people in which you will experience together stressful situations: Purse strings being tightened at work, family situations that occur unexpectedly, or a travel itinerary that isn’t going as planned. Simply because you were stressed while you were with them doesn’t no mean they are “stressors” and should be let go from you life. Contrarily, if they were the cause of the stress, if they, simply with their presence instigate the stress such as contentious arguments, inappropriate behavior, reckless awareness of the effect on others, let them go.

~Two-Faced Talkers

Such individuals are quite lethal to our ability to trust people. Such people will tell you what is pleasing to hear to your face or in your presence, but when you are no where in audible reach, their commentary takes an about-face. Let these people go. Their behavior is a reflection of their need to please and their lack of a backbone to speak the truth even if it is uncomfortable.

~Pain Instigators

While most certainly, there will be times when our friends, spouses, colleagues, etc. hurt our feelings or over-step their bounds, this is not necessarily a reason to extricate them from our lives. So long as we have the courage to speak up and make clear our boundaries, each of these relationship can be repaired and in fact grow stronger. However, it is when a person in our lives has hurt us once, we respond and explain why we were hurt, and then they proceed to do it again, and perhaps again and again, that we must show them the door and release them from our lives.

~Takers

When it comes to relationships, giving and taking is a balance that needs to be struck and understood between both parties. Each relationship will do this differently, but when someone is constantly taking from you: Whether asking favors, expecting money and not repaying, or enjoying the bounty of your connections without being appreciative, this person needs to be removed from your life. Why? For whatever reason, they either are ignorant to what they are doing and not away that they need to be more appreciative of what you are doing, or they expect it and will never change. Either way, you must speak up and protect yourself.

~Negative Nellies/Wet Blankets

I’ve combined two into one because while there are some slight differences, at their core is the weight of negativity which weighs down the receiver (you). Each morning we wake up with a finite amount of energy; some days we will have more than others based on how much sleep we had, what we ate and what we did the day before, but the key is to understand our energy is finite.

When we spend time with someone who only chooses to comment on the negative (complain, whine, etc), or can’t seem to find the good in the day, our hope, our positive energy quotient is slowly chipped away because we have to muster a bit more to stay upbeat or come up with a positive retort (or suppress the desire to do more). When we battle, we become drained whether it’s with ourselves or with others.

With regards to the Wet Blanket, such a person is can douse a spark of hope or excitement by saying nothing at all, by responding with a cynical comment or simply being apathetic to the reason you are so cheerful. Granted, this may happen unexpectedly from a friend or family member if they have other pressing matters on their mind, but if this is the modus operandi of someone close to you, its effects on you can be negative and gradually your ability to be hopeful and optimistic will become less accessible.

~Constant Competitors

A Constant Competitor feels the need to perpetually “one-up” anything that another shares. They, due to their own insecurities and seeking of validation, have to demonstrate that they are successful, happy or have had it much worse than you. Now, this doesn’t mean a friend can’t share a similar experience they had, but rather than recognizing a moment in which you want to be heard and celebrate, or heard and supported, they flip the tables and instead bring it back to themselves.

~Passive Aggressives

Passive Aggressives are often the most difficult to recognize, but they can gradually and harmfully affect your everyday life if you spend regular time with them. Someone who is unable to speak directly to the issue at hand and instead chooses to mope or  withhold affections or attention is trying to maintain power or intimidate. Such people are cowardly and weak by nature and this is the only way they know how to maintain whatever power they think they have.

Instead of confronting the issue, they bury it and brew which affects not only them negatively, but all of the relationships around them because it causes people to walk on eggshells for fear if they will explode or manipulative doing something behind the public eye.

The key, if you must work with them, is to confront them tactfully, but directly, and then move on. Thus they lose their power over you, and you are free of their draining effect.

~The Expired Relationship

I saved this one for last because, often relationships aren’t bad, they have just simply passed their expiration date. Whether it was a romantic relationship that was meant to help you grow or learn something, a colleague or boss that taught you helped you excel in your career or a friend who was your confidante, but now you are traveling separate paths, each individual we have a relationship with has the opportunity to enhance our lives, but each relationship isn’t meant to remain a part of our lives forever. Consider your childhood friends, your teachers from the past, your bosses from previous jobs. Many, I’m sure, were and are great people, but there is only so much emotional energy we have in any given day. To maintain any healthy relationship takes energy.

Upon ending or leaving such relationships, some just happen without a word said, but it’s understood. Others, like a boss or colleague, perhaps a thank you note, a goodbye gathering, etc. Each relationship will be different, but to expect more than a relationship can give is to ruin what its original purpose was. Honor it, and move on.

Now that we’ve talked about those who should no longer or ever be in our lives, we’ve made room for whom we should welcome into our personal and professional social circles. As with nearly every arena of our lives, it is not the amount of people we interact with and build relationships with, it is the quality, the type of people with whom we spend our precious hours of each day with.

What you will perhaps notice is that sometimes one person can fulfill more than one role in your life, and that is perfectly fine. Each of our social circles will be compiled differently. It will also evolve over time and will constantly be in a state of flux based on where we are, where we wish to go and what life tosses our way: good or bad. But without a doubt, the following people will add a component that will improve the contentment and fulfillment of your life.

As you are going through this list, we should each be considering how are we embodying one or more of these roles for the people in our lives. In other words, how are we contributing to the relationships we are involved in, rather than being a hindrance.

1. The Cheerleader

A cheerleader is just as it sounds. They are there to keep you going, to remind you of your strengths and to help you plow forward when you feel that the world has handed you too much. They are also there to celebrate with you when success comes your way. A cheerleader is not a Pollyanna who sugarcoats and ignores reality, but rather than being “The Realist”, which we will talk about later, they help you find your grit and provide the boosts of energy when you feel you have nothing left to give.

A Cheerleader is the person sending you a text just before you step up to the plate for that much sought after interview. A Cheerleader reminds you of how amazing you are before you go out on a date or are meeting someone new. A Cheerleader is also the person you talk to after each of these events occur, who listens and reminds you of the good, even if you may forget from time to time, and more importantly, is just as excited for you when all goes well.

2. The Mentor

We all need a mentor, whether we speak directly to them or simply observe them from afar. A person who embodies the qualities, has accomplished the success and lives their life in such a way that we wish to model our own, that is a mentor. Preferably, the mentor in your life will be someone you can confer with from time to time. To check in with, offer up your life and/or career questions and receive feedback. The difference between the feedback from a mentor and any other random person is that they have already been where you wish to go, so their credibility has been proven.

3. The Realist

Not to be confused with a cynic, the Realist in many ways is your conscience and your gut, but also someone who most definitely has all of the facts. This person is often someone older, with more experience, wisdom and has learned the lessons or has been in the business of life and has succeeded. The Realist will point out the options, the pros and the cons, the bottom line, and break down everything without sugar-coating a thing.

They will not try to squash your dreams, but rather give you all of the necessary facts, so that you go forward, should you choose, well-informed.

4. The Connector

The Connector is someone who opens doors for you that you cannot do for yourself no matter how amazing your resume. The saying I remember hearing as a young adult was, “It’s not what you know; it’s who you know.” In part, this is true, but as I mentioned in my book, you can know all of the most amazing people in the world, but if you don’t have the skills and personality to do the job, it is not going to matter a lick who you know.

The Connector is sometimes also a mentor in that they see something in you and wish to help. Having been where you are or knowing they can help get where you wish to go, they gladly do so. The tricky part of these relationships is that the mentee needs to be aware of the priceless door-opening assistance they are receiving and be grateful as well as respectful.

5. The Giver

“Love is the ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be what they choose for themselves without any insistence that they satisfy you.” -Wayne Dyer

To give without expectation is a characteristic of a secure individual. Such a person doesn’t grease the wheels to see what they can receive in return. No. Rather the Giver simply gives because they see a need and wish to help, motivate, or express their love. The receiver undoubtedly should express appreciation, and shouldn’t take advantage. However, the Giver is intelligent, they aren’t people easily taken advantage of. They give because they can, want to and often see a need. When there is no need, they focus their energies elsewhere without contempt, but rather a sense of fulfillment.

Another piece of insight into the Giver, these are not people you can seek out. They typically will find you, unlike the other five relationships mentioned in today’s post.

6. The Motivator

Reminding you of all the possibilities life has to offer, that is what a Motivator brings into your everyday life. What a beautiful way to uplift your world. The Motivator may take on the role of a cheerleader from time to time, but their main ability is to bring the world and all of its beauty to your front step and remind you of all the possibilities, and even better, show you that you can and should be participating regularly. The Motivator believes in you, the Motivator loves life and is regularly reading and learning about it as they continue to become their best selves. The Motivator in some ways may be a mentor, but at their core it is  their energy that enlivens you and helps you become even more excited about living each day.

As was mentioned in the inaugural episode of The Simple Sophisticate, one of the eight pillars of living a simply luxurious life is to surround yourself with a healthy social circle, both in your professional and personal life. Much like a magnificent sculpture that is situated in a public square, initially to construct it will take ardent attention and discernment, but to maintain it will require consistent attention and from time to time, restorations as you will be growing, evolving and changing along the way as well.

Do not feel guilt-ridden for letting certain people out of your life. Be grateful for the time you had. If it was a positive experience, you now have beautiful memories, and if it was a negative experience, you have lessons to learn from. As social beings, learning how to navigate our lives as we interact with others is a constant dance. But with conscious attention and a willingness to remember we need to be positive contributors in others’ lives just as much as we need positive influences in our own lives, the overall quality of our lives will improve, success will occur and all that we have to be grateful for will grow exponentially.

~SIMILAR POSTS FROM THE ARCHIVES YOU MIGHT ENJOY:

~Why Not . . . Create A Healthy Social Circle?

~A Very Important Detail

~7 Components of Strong, Healthy Relationships

Petit Plaisir

~Pacific Coast Double Down Surround Standard Pillow and here

~Rest Right 100% Cotton Zippered Pillow Protector (2)

~Silk Pillowcases, handmade by Kate Hampshire in England

~Christy Linens 400 thread count Egyptian Cotton Pillowcases, 25% through May 15th with promo code LUX25 – Take a peek at TSLL bedroom showcasing Christy Linens

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This & That: No. 156

Book
~The Dorito Effect: The Surprising New Truth About Food & Flavor by Mark Schatzker

Released next Tuesday, Schatzker reveals to readers the truth behind the obesity epidemic in our modern culture. To put it short and sweet: The flavor is being edited out of foods, therefore, we aren’t truly able to be satiated which prompts us to eat more. Check out the review in The Wall Street Journal for a taste of what the book is all about.

~Wine in Words: Notes for Better Drinking by Lettie Teague

Writer Lettie Teague is the weekly wine columnist for The Wall Street Journal. I always find myself learning something new about wine. So when I learned she had released a book this past April, and it was doing quite well with readers, I wanted to have a look. The excerpt I had the opportunity to read was centered on the topic of drinking wine alone: Some people oppose it; some people welcome it. Lettie proposes that it is a true luxury, and in fact, a toast to one self. I like how she thinks (here’s the article), and if this is an indicator of the content of the book, I will certainly devour it.

Film
~Far From the Madding Crowd

I absolutely cannot wait to see this film. Starring Carey Mulligan in Thomas Hardy’s 1874 novel and first literary crowd-pleaser,  the story is told by Gabriel Oak, but the protagonist is indeed Bathsheba Everdene (Mulligan), six years his junior. As the story journeys along, Everdene acquires through an estate from her uncle and is truly a woman of her own means. With three suitors, and tragedy along the way, rest-assured, there is indeed a happy ending, which was rare for Hardy to do. The critics are raving and Mulligan will captivate. I look forward to your reviews as it opens today.

~ Iris

Legendary documentary filmmaker Albert Maysles has chosen as his new creative venture, the infinitely stylish 93-year old Iris Apfel. Being released to the public this month, Iris takes viewers behind the scenes and allows this woman-of-a-certain-age It Girl to show how she approaches fashion. The film certainly looks to be delightful. Have a look at the trailer . . . and be sure to read her interview with Vogue here. 

Music
~Jose James, Yesterday I Had the Blues: The Music of Billie Holiday

If you’re a fan of jazz singer Billie Holiday, you may want to take a listen to Jose James’ recently released album which celebrates what would have been the 100th anniversary of her birth. While Holiday’s end of life was tragic, her music was and is magnificent. Covering nine of her songs, James (to my ear), pays his respects honorably. Have a look and listen to the album trailer below:

Shopping
~Mimi Holliday by Damaris, puffin silk crepe de chine robe

Luxury most certainly should extend to our most intimate apparel, and Mimi Holliday by Damaris’ certainly offers this luxury in spades. Available in black as well, there are many other beautiful items to have a look at, but an exquisite robe such as this, why not?

 ~recipe for Coulant de Chocolate (aka as a Flowing of Chocolate)~

Let me first begin with an apology. I had good intentions to write a Thoughts from the Editor post this week, and then my week and life had other plans. In the coming days and weeks I will be sharing with you all that happened, but at this point I’m catching my breath with a smile on my face. In the meantime, the weekend has finally arrived, and it looks to be a stunning few days. What do you have planned?

For me, I will be savoring a new arrival (which I will share with you soon – it benefits the blog, I promise!), doing a bit of planning and indulging in a whole lot of rest. Below are a few articles I think you might enjoy. Until Monday, bonjour!

~I must say, I did love this article. It is true, at least in my experience . . . The Other Side of Boredom is a good place to be.

~21 Subtle Shifts to Live Life in the Now . . . why not?

~Simple facts that are often forgotten . . . The Secret to Well-Being: The Keys to Happiness

~10 Things You Never See in Successful People 

~ And if you’re making your itinerary to the City of Light, you will want to read this: The Best Little Cheese Shops in Paris

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Good Grammar Is . . . : Good vs. Well

One of the most significant faux pas I have made as an English teacher occurred during my year of student teaching. My mentor teacher, thankfully, was not above correcting how I spoke, and I honestly took no offense as I had never been taught the difference between “good” and “well”.

Needless to say, it’s a very simple lesson to learn, and while using “good” incorrectly as an adverb to respond the question in the example above in daily casual vernacular is fine (for goodness sakes, television scripts regularly have their actors say it incorrectly intentionally to mimic the public), the key is to know when to reveal your understanding of the difference and when to just let go.

A job interview or a formal setting in which an impression of knowledge and competence for the English language is expected: Use it. While spending time with family, friends, and acquaintances in a casual environment: Let your hair down.

~Good Grammar Is . . . POSTS FROM THE ARCHIVES:

~Mastering the Semicolon

~The Inaugural Post

Images: (1)

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Outfit of the Week: Rosy Hues

~Equipment Adalyn Nude silk blouse~

~Michael Kors lace straight leg pants or these or Etoile Isabel Marant corduroy straight-leg jeans~

~Ivanka Trump Carra pump or Jimmy Choo’s ‘Abel’ pump~

~Chloe Suede Wavy Rivet Slide in nude cashmere or Alexandre Birman Leather Bow-Tie d’Orsay sandal~

~Hobo ‘Sadie’ wallet (other colors available)~

~Kenneth Jay Lane gold-tone earrings~

SHOP THE OUTFIT:

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OUTFITS OF THE WEEK FROM THE ARCHIVES:

~Tres Chic for Spring

~Simple Comfort

~White Spring

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Style Inspiration: Bare Skin & Chic Style

The temperatures are gradually rising, and that means fewer layers and the opportunity for bare arms and legs. With inspiration from Sarah Jessica Parker and Amal Clooney as well as others, each outfit this week demonstrates that a little skin is just enough.

Speaking of Amal, how fortunate are Columbia Law students this spring? It was officially announced that she will lecture on human rights as a senior fellow. I have a feeling that class filled up rather quickly for one reason or another.

~STYLE INSPIRATION POSTS FROM THE ARCHIVES: 

~Summer Chic

~Completely, Casual Chic

Images:(1)  (2) (3) (4) (5) (6)(7) (8) (9) (10) (11)

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