Shannon Ables's Blog, page 333

This & That: No. 146

 
~Art
~John Singer Sargent: Portraits of Artists and Friends

Whether you live in England or the states, if you are someone who appreciates the talents of American Impressionist painter John Singer Sargent you will want to do your best to see the Sargent: Portraits of Artists and Friends exhibit. Containing 90 portraits of his friends who were writers, artists, actors and musicians, each portrait was left up to his own creativity as they were rarely commissioned. On display at the National Portrait Gallery in London now through May 25th and opening in New York City’s Metropolitan Museum of Art on June 30th and running through October 4th, be sure to stop in and savor his craft.

~Book
~Fred Vargas’ Commissaire Adamsberg Mysteries – “Chalk Circle Man“

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to have dinner with a woman who is a wealth of knowledge when it comes to books – new and old. And so I asked for a few recommendations of mystery series. When she began describing Fred Vargas’ tales (aka as Fredrique Vargas), I knew these whodunits were for me. With more than a handful of books in the Commissaire Adamsberg series, the debut novel is on my bed stand waiting for me to dive into this weekend. Set in France, these novels quickly became a best-selling French phenomenon and are now available in America. Happy sleuthing!

~Movie
~The Rewrite

Hugh Grant returns to his romantic comedy roots and brings with him Marisa Tomei, J.K. Simmons, Allison Janney and Chris Elliott in The Rewrite which premiered in the states earlier this month and last October in England. A struggling oscar-winning writer, Grant’s character tries his hand at being a professor in writing on the east coast, only to struggle with his craft in this capacity as well. Love however, has plans for him with a single mom who enrolls in his class. Have a look at the trailer below.

~Shopping
~We Are Owls Printed Cashmere and Silk-Blend Scarf

A beautiful quality scarf is always something to have on hand. Wear with your day trench or layer with a dress during the warmer months rather than a coat. For less than $100, We Are Owls at The Outnet offers a handful of color options, but this one was my top pick.

~Television
~Bosch

Amazon’s original drama Bosch, after much anticipation, is finally available with its first full season of ten episodes (chapters). Based on Michael Connelly’s best-selling detective series, Connelly assists in the screen play, and it is indeed true to the pages as Titus Welliver steps into the leading role, playing the grumpy, but perceptive detective who refuses to ignore his hunches.

~The Odd Couple on CBS 

With Jack Lemmon and Walter Mattieu’s much beloved Felix and Oscar kick-starting a pairing that just can’t seem to be forgotten, or we don’t want them to be, Chandler (I mean Matthew Perry) and Thomas Lennon bring the two bachelors back to the small screen. Premiering last night, be sure to tune into CBS each Thursday at 8:30 to enjoy a few good laughs and a nostalgic respite. And if you want to see the original film that began it all in 1968, click here.

~recipe for Coconut Custard Vanilla Tart (vegan)~

With the weekend’s arrival, I am eager to get out of town, if only for an evening and a day. A quick respite to do some dreaming, catch up with a good friend and get lost in another world. A simple, but necessary escape.

In some very good news, did you hear? Two book signings/readings have been officially scheduled! Click here to learn more about each of them, and be sure to subscribe to the Book Updates newsletter so you will always be the first to know about the latest news and events involving the book.

No matter what happens during the weekend, Sunday evening is blocked out and saved for the 87th annual Oscars. With Neil Patrick Harris hosting, I have no doubt the evening will be entertaining and full of song and dance, and of course, I am curious to see what the women have chosen to wear down the red carpet.

In the meantime, have a lovely time this weekend, and here are a few items you might enjoy reading. Also, with NYFW having come and gone, below are a few of my favorites from the runway. I will continue to post my favorites as the fashion troops move to London next on my Pinterest page, so do feel free to follow along. Bonjour!

~Love this as it points out a lot of life truths – 5 Things I Learned About Success from a Cup of Tea

~Some thoughts on time management and life management

~Listen and watch this video interview with Victoria Beckham on how she balances work and motherhood.

~Healthy relationships are always part of the foundation of a well-lived life. I think you might enjoy reading 10 Signs of a Good Relationships

~And take a tour of this delightful country kitchen as well as the entire Australian home. The bathroom is right up my alley. Click here.

 ~Zimmermann~

 ~Badgley Mischka~

~Marchesa~

~Oscar de la Renta~

 

Images: (2)

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Thoughts from the Editor

“No is a complete sentence and so often we forget that. 

When we don’t want to do something we can simply smile and say no. 

We don’t have to explain ourselves, we can just say “No”. 

Early on my journey I found developing the ability to say no expanded my ability to say yes and really mean it. 

My early attempts at saying no were often far from graceful but with practice even my no came from a place of love. 

Love yourself enough to be able to say yes or no.” 

― Susan Gregg

It tends to happen when we are full of energy and life is rolling along well that we forget that we are a human who needs rest, rejuvenation and time to catch our breath on a regular basis – kick our shoes off and let our hair down so-to-speak. And in such a state, I often find myself saying yes to invitations and involvements without hesitation before I realize my calendar is overwhelmed. In my initial intention, I sincerely have interest. But it is when I step back into my life I realize that my other priorities, those priorities that I have worked so long and hard trying to cultivate, are suffering due to my taking on too much.

It is at such a moment that I must re-evaluate. I must determine why I am off my game and how to get back on track. Because it is always possible to retrace our steps, remind ourselves of our priorities, goals and intentions and find the discipline within ourselves to stand up for ourselves, admit we have taken on too much and find the courage to say no.

While ideally the “no” will come when the invitation is extended, as we come to get to know ourselves, we may have to say no along the way as we recognize our top priorities are being short-changed and those initially tantalizing engagements, while enjoyable, actually hurt the rest of our days.

It is never easy doing this, as some are of the philosophy that one must finish what we’ve started, but not when it comes to our life’s purpose, what is most valuable. After all, we are all human and we make mistakes. So long as we do so tactfully and honestly, no one can fault us for begin human because we all are.

Respect and protect your goals and chosen path. To live a life for others’ approval is to live life according to their rules. You must determine if your goals are worth the sacrifice and stand in your truth even if initially it is not well received. And then next time, saying “no” will come more readily.

The essence of choosing quality over quantity not only includes material items, but also that which we give our focus. It is when we are able to be fully present and give our best selves that whatever has our attention will flourish. In overextending ourselves,the outcome we had imagined and hoped for becomes less of a possibility because if we arrive exhausted, our energy is not optimal (far from it), often our mood is not ideal either, and without question, our decision-making abilities are hampered which can lead to even more stress and headaches down the road.

Always keep in mind that finding regular breathing space in our everyday is just as valuable as pursuing our goals. After all, busy doesn’t equate to productive and happiness first must begin with respect for ourselves and how we have chosen to live.

~A Post from the Archives You Might Enjoy: Stop Being Busy and Start Being Efficient

Below, find a few images that may just offer a moment of quiet breathing space to get lost in if only for a moment . . .

 

Images: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10)

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Style Inspiration: NYFW Street Style FW15

Fashion month has officially kicked off in New York City and based on the images gathered below, it looks quite chilly. All the more intrigued I am to see how the fashionable dress for the weather. And I’m not surprised that they know how to make warm and chic work beautifully well together. While some days offered rays of sunshine in the frigid temps, others offered picturesque snowflakes that no doubt are preferred to be enjoyed as a viewer, not a participant.

From playful stocking caps to layered large lapeled coats cinched at the waist, boots over knees and fur trimmed accessories, the ideas of style abound. Have fun perusing for ideas as you pull your winter outdoor wear together.

~Style Inspiration Posts from the Archives:

~NYFW Fall 2014 – Street Style & More

~NYFW Spring 2014 – Street Style

~The Shift to Fall

 

Images: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (11) (12) (13) (14) (15) (16)

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Why Not . . . Become Self-Actualized?

“Did it meet your expectations even if you have felt at times uncomfortable or lonely? You’re still in time to choose, in the future, a more comfortable and protected solution – maybe more suitable to the needs of a family. It is well, to keep in mind, however, the happiness and well-being and strictly personal concepts. For some people, the sense of freedom and adventure is an essential part of the experience. Trust your instinct. This is your journey. The route to take is up to you. Have a safe journey.” -A Five Star Life

~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #25

Upon watching the foreign film A Five Star Life, the ending will be an untraditional jolt to an American audience as it will deign to allow the heroine to journey into the credits in absolute contentment with her own company. The quote above is stated by Irene just as this last scene unfolds, and as I was collecting all of my sources for today’s post, I couldn’t help but realize with certainty that Irene is indeed the epitomization of self-actualization.

Why? You may ask. Does one have to journey through life alone in order to be self-actualized? Absolutely not. But what Irene exhibits is the knowledge of herself and the world around her. She is not limited by what society purports to define as a “happy life”, but rather investigates and discovers what happiness is indeed for her while accepting that others may, and many do, have a different definition.

Abraham Maslow introduced the psychological theory of Self-Actualization in the mid twentieth century when he shared his Hierarchy of Needs, placing self-actualization at the pinnacle. Put simply, to reach self-actualization is to reach your full potential. Maslow’s definition:

What a man be, he must be. It is the desire for self-fulfillment, namely, to the tendency for him to become actualized in what he is potentially. To become everything that one is capable of becoming.

The benefits of attaining self-actualization are plentiful:

1. Inner Peace

2. Master of One’s Emotions

3. Improve Physical Health

4. Improve Creativity

5. Increased Ability to Learn New Concepts

6. Become an Inspiration for Others

7. Contribute Positively to Society

Wonderful benefits no doubt, but how exactly does one become self-actualized? Great question. Actually, there is no end point, as anyone, and each of us is capable, who attains self-actualization is constantly ebbing and flowing with life as it is not a static state. But in order to attain it, Maslow believed we must first have attained the four preceding needs first in order to free ourselves to be open to exploration of what indeed our true potential might be. While the four may occur out of order, that is perfectly fine. Below is the checklist of what your “met needs” toolbox should contain:

Physiological Needs Met: Access to good nutrition, adequate shelter as well as living in a physically healthy body that can function as you need it to without inhibition. You have enough money to make this a reality on a regular basis.
Safety Needs Met: A home that provides safety, security and a consistent level of routine in order to allow you to free your mind to explore, wander and relax. Financial security is key for the first two needs on this list.
Social Needs Met: Being a part of healthy, comforting, supportive relationships. Whether at work, home, with friends and most importantly with yourself. The ability to feel respected and be yourself.
Self-Esteem Needs Met: Having cultivated and honed your expertise in one or two fields which eventually brings respect and validation of your talents, efforts and expertise. The validation need not come from outside sources, but self-knowledge that you have achieved something of value.

Once you have met the four needs, you are then able to be free, so to speak, to pursue what calls you, what tickles your curiosities.

However, once these needs are met, you still need to take the leap to arrive at self-actualization. How can the leap occur? What does it look like? The good news is that it will be slightly different for everyone. Psychologists suggest any of the following can do the trick:

Be willing to try something new, travel paths unknown and face your fears.
Be willing to trust your inner voice (intuition, gut, etc) and especially so if those in authority suggest something that doesn’t ring true for you.
Avoid putting up walls by playing games and being dishonest. Honesty is crucial as it is in discovering the truth that you can unearth your true potential.
Having the courage to be unpopular or ostracized simply because you are doing something different or out of the ordinary.
Regardless of your age, dive into life as you did when you were a child. Lose track of time and indulge in what you love doing.
Practice regular self-examination. Become in tune with your emotions and why they occur. Become knowledgeable of when your hackles go up (defenses) and then determine why, so you can maneuver and grow past them.
Take responsibility for your life.
Understand that a good life takes time and hard work. Practice a good work ethic regardless of who is watching.

You will know you have reached self-actualization when the following occur, are experienced or are able to be enjoyed sincerely:

1. Autonomy

While not choosing to be unconventional simply to be different, you are not swayed by the zeitgeist if it doesn’t sit well with your understanding of how you will achieve your full potential. Conformity is not in your vocabulary, but if what you prefer to do is what others do as well, you do not bolt.

2. Rational

Fear is not your master, and while you may be uncertain of outcomes, you approach problems logically. Your ability to understand that fear is simply due to unknowns is what provokes you to seek answers, and consequently what allows you to move forward as you answer the unknowns.

3. Sound Understanding of Reality

Embracing who you really are – your age, life experiences, abilities – is someone who is self-actualized. It doesn’t mean you can’t improve yourself, but you accept facts about yourself and the world around you. You also accept life’s uncertainty and can move forward confidently despite the inability at any given moment to know exactly how events will unfold.

4. Open-Minded

Understanding that you are not the only person in the world, you are open to others living life differently. While you are not swayed, you are accepting of who other people are and do not try to change them so that you can be more “comfortable”.

5. Solitude & Independence

In order to be someone who as achieved self-actualization, you must have time to yourself, with your thoughts and time to explore without judgment. The self-actualized person is comfortable in their own company and needs it regularly in order to become in tune with their curiosities, calling and true potential. While they may be either extroverted or introverted and indeed recognize the need for social interaction, they are aware of the importance of solitude and privacy as well.

6. Insatiable Curiosity About the World

Viewing the world with absolute fascination, you understand the world has endless lessons to teach, beauty to reveal and questions to pose. You delight in these facts and thus are open to adventure and seeing more, doing more and thus are endlessly inspired and experience moments of pleasure and joy.

7. Experience “Peak Experiences”

Maslow coined the term “peak experiences” as moments of intense wonder, ecstasy and awe; after which you are strengthened, renewed and transformed. Sometimes a peak experience is what catapults you into the fifth domain of his hierarchy.

8. A Thoughtful Sense of Humor

You are able to enjoy humor that is enlightened and not at the expense of another. You do not ridicule or make fun to make yourself feel superior and another feel inferior. You are able to laugh at yourself and appreciate life’s many paradoxes.

9. Guilt is Not Experienced

Why? You are in touch with your emotions and not mastered by them, and because you have high ethical standards, you do what you know to best without worrying about what others will think. If a problem erupts or you discover your decision based on your understanding of the situation was wrong, you rationally deal with it and seek a solution that is within your power. You understand that someone else cannot make another feel something they don’t already feel themselves.

10. Strong, Quality Relationships

Rather than having innumerable friends and acquaintances, you cultivate a few friendships and relationships over time and with care. Popularity is not in your vocabulary, but rather healthy relationships in which honest communication, acceptance of strengths and flaws and an offering of support as each party involved strives for their true potential.

11. Live in the Present

While you will have goals as you seek to reach your true potential, you are able to be fully present in the moment and appreciate the everyday simple amazing moments that life provides.

The self-actualized life is a significant part of living a simply luxurious life. With a focus on quality over quantity, following your own path and letting go of what society offers if it doesn’t sit well with your journey and an insatiable curiosity to forever continue to learn and grow, you are already well on your way to becoming or continuing to be self-actualized.

Today I wanted more than anything to lay out specifics so that you can map where you are, discover how you arrived where you are and determine what you wish to focus on as you move forward. The most wonderful part is each of our journeys will be different, what we seek will be unique to us all and that is what allows for there to be endless inspiration in the world we live in for each one of us.

So whether you are like Irene and discover you wish to travel alone, or know with self-reflected certainty that a partner who seeks a similar path is your preference, give yourself the best gift you will ever bestow and strive for self-actualization.

~SIMILAR POSTS FROM THE ARCHIVES YOU MIGHT ENJOY:

~6 Ways to Find Your Authentic Life Path

~6 Fixed Life Ideas to Let Go Of (podcast)

~Why Not . . . Discover Your Purpose?

~The 8 Pillars of Creating a Simply Luxurious Life (podcast episode #1)

Petit Plaisir:
~Mariage Freres Vert Provence (green tea)

As a tea drinker who came to this preference only in the past decade, not only was it the satiating qualities that drew me to tea, but also the health benefits which I shared in this post last year. And so it was during one of my trips to France that I discovered Mariage Freres teas. Displayed chicly in the iconic black tin canisters, I nestled my nose above so many testing containers that I’m sure the employees thought I was drunk on their scents, but to spend time in their tea room and retail show in the Marais is a treat. But it is their green tea, the Vert Provence varietal, that I prefer to have in the morning to start my day and packed in my carry-on tote when I travel.

Now, if you live in the US, purchase through Dean & Deluca to avoid a heavy shipping fee. While you won’t be able to get the black canister for Vert Provence, you can for other varietals. Outside of the US? Shop at the Mariage Freres website.

Images: (1)

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This & That: No. 145

~Book
~The Unfortunate Importance of Beauty by Amanda Filipacchi

After listening to the review on NPR of Amanda Filipacchi’s new book, my typical non-fiction predilection was intrigued enough to want to read what looks to be a wonderful fictional tale. Being released February 16th, the novel is set in New York City as a group of artistic friends confront the idea of beauty in our modern world. Determined to find lasting love that isn’t dependent upon one’s beauty, their findings may not surprise you, but will certainly open the your eyes.

~Cookbook
~Rachel Khoo’s Muesli & Granola: Delicious Breakfast and Snack Ideas

Rachel Khoo is without a doubt one of my favorite food personalities. With her The Little Paris Kitchen cooking show and cookbooks, she now has a few more that are available in the states. With her bubbly personality and ardent curiosity for food, a cookbook for delicious snacks certainly wouldn’t be a bad idea to have around the house. This is the cookbook of hers I have on hand and have loved selecting recipes from.

~Music
~Sunday Morning Jazz

As someone who is always looking to jazz at the end of the day or during my day to calm me down or simply unwind, when I came upon this album, I was eager to listen. And in doing so, my expectations were exceeded. This past week while I’ve been working on the blog, I have had this cd playing “Give Me The Simple Life” and “Isn’t It a Lovely Day” throughout the house. Light-hearted and upbeat without being at all obnoxious, it will delight and soothe all at the same time.

~Shopping
~Rachel Zoe Air Dress

With thoughts of spring, Rachel Zoe’s navy sheer midi dress is feminine, yet modern. I certainly will be keeping this bookmarked for future sales.

~Rebecca Taylor Lena Ruffle Dress

A simple sleeveless dress for day and weekend wear, Rebecca Taylor’s 100% silk black print dress would drape beautifully on many body types. Wear with flats or sandals, layer with a jacket or not and be sure to be comfortable, yet stylish.

~Technology
~Kenu Smartphone Tripod

One of the details I prefer when it comes to my phone cover is the ability to prop it up. So much so that I will buy a hideous, bulky phone case solely for this feature. Well, thankfully, my problem is solved, and now I can purchase a more flattering case. Kenu offers this creative tripod that simply inserts into your phone’s charging outlet and offers a cable adapter so you can charge while it sits. For under $30, why not?

~recipe for Baked Blueberry Oatmeal~

The weekend has arrived and I am giddy about it. Are you? A simple weekend of staying home, puttering in the yard and finishing up a few decor projects – a most ideal way to spend a few days off, I must admit. With New York Fashion Week in full swing, I too am excited to see what designers are bringing down the runways, and if I find time to read a magazine or book, I will be beyond content.

How about you, for the weekend, what do you have in store? I don’t know about you, but starting the day as the images above display doesn’t look half bad. Have you ever had baked oatmeal? Oh, if you haven’t, I highly suggest, and this is a recipe I look forward to trying. A decadent treat, so ideal for the weekend or a special Valentine’s Day treat.

Whatever you have planned, I do hope it is lovely and leisurely. While you luxuriate in leisure, here are a few articles you might enjoy, and be sure to check out my pinterest board full of my favorite pics from NYFW F2015 as it will be updated regularly throughout the weekend and next week.

~Heather of Habitually Chic shares her skincare secrets and I’m taking note!

~An interesting study on whether or not putting down our smartphones more often provokes more creativity

~When it comes to chic cottage decor, Frances Schultz is the expert I turn to, so when she officially announced the release date of her upcoming book, I put it on my calendar – have a look at the announcement and book here.

~This article tries to pinpoint the secret to happiness by observing the behaviors of happy people.

~Seeking inner peace? Try these 10 Suggestions. 

~And the sofa I’ve always been smitten with – 20 Signs You Should Buy A Chesterfield Sofa

~And lastly, 20 unignorable facts that lead to happiness, longevity and success

Images: (2)

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Thoughts from the Editor

“A healthy self-love means we have no compulsion to justify to ourselves or others why we take vacations, why we sleep late, why we buy new shoes, why we spoil ourselves from time to time. We feel comfortable doing things which add quality and beauty to life.” -Andrew Matthews

The contrasts of the east coast and west coast this week are stark as more snow piles onto New England and here in the Pacific Northwest we are basking in blue skies and lovely warmth. However Mother Nature is tending to your weather this week, it is a week of anticipation for some and for others just the middle of February as Valentine’s Day arrives on Saturday. No matter how you choose to recognize this holiday, I have a few suggestions about how to enjoy it in simply luxurious style.

As I mentioned on Monday’s episode of the podcast, I have ardently professed that February 14th is merely another day of the year differentiated by a post-it note of sorts reminding us all to show those and tell those we love that indeed we do. While the intentions of this reminder are valiant, to remember to do so the remaining 364 days of the year need not make it any less special and in fact, possibly more, no?

However, with each year when I have the opportunity to spend Valentine’s Day with someone special, I prefer to keep it simple as in doing so it always eventuates into something far more memorable. And on those occasions when I am single, I too would indulge in any one of the suggestions below. Because after all, how we care for ourselves is a measure of our self-respect. And when we can enjoy our own company, we are all the more able to appreciate and enjoy the company of someone we’ve invited into our lives should we choose to do so. Here are few ideas for planning a simple, yet quite enjoyable evening, morning or day:

1. Forgo fancy and strive for memorable: invest in a lovely bottle of wine, make this gourmet hamburger recipe complete with brioche buns picked up at your favorite boulangerie and finish by going out to a favorite restaurant for your favorite dessert. I used to love going to Papa Haydn’s on NW 23rd when I lived just a block away simply for a decadent dessert and nothing else. The line was always out the door in the evenings, many people doing the exact same thing.

2. Become the expert and spoil each other. Splurge on quality ingredients for a decadent meal and stay at home and cook together. Turn on your favorite tunes and dance, groove and move while you wait for any items to finish cooking/baking. An entire menu for two was shared on this week’s Petit Plaisir, or have a look at any of TSLL recipes and see what catches your eye.

3. Be a guest in your own town. Reserve a suite at top of the line hotel or bed and breakfast for the evening and allow yourselves to be pampered. One of the positives, you don’t have to travel or worry about the headache of forgetting something at home.

4. Jump start the day with delish and decadence. Individual ramekins with baked eggs, cream and goodness paired with artisanal bread and the morning’s favorite reading material. One item I will be reading this weekend which was mentioned to me by a reader (thank you!) is Town & Country‘s special insert in their March issue which offers an insider’s guide to Paris. Absolutely worth picking up, just for this resource. (Have a look here at the cover.)

5. Invest in your lingerie capsule wardrobe. I have professed this for years and regardless of my relationship status, doing so is something you won’t regret as lingerie should be worn for the person wearing it first and foremost. A few places to shop online: here, here, here and here.

Most importantly, remember it is about cultivating an everyday that you thoroughly enjoy. Whether you do any of these suggestions on February 14th doesn’t matter. Why not incorporate them more frequently into your everyday routine? You are worth it and so are the ones you love.

Wishing you a lovely rest of your week.

~POSTS FROM THE ARCHIVES INSPIRED BY VALENTINE’S DAY:

~What Love Is . . .

~A Valentine’s Day Reminder 

~14 Ways to Enjoy Valentine’s Day: Single or Coupled

~Single or Married: 20 Things to Do

~What I’ve Learned About Love So Far

 

Images: (0) (1) (2) (3)

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Style Inspiration: Tapered, Flared & Blue

A trend you will see become quite prevalent as spring collections begin hitting stores are the flared leg. Wear with heels and your leg will look miles long. However, the tapered ankle or cigarette leg will never be a bad idea. I don’t know about you, but I am getting eager for spring collections as a few of my capsule staples need a refresh. Have a look at how to wear both of these styles as well as a few items of blue that offer a glimpse of spring and summer.

 ~STYLE INSPIRATION POSTS FROM THE ARCHIVES:

~Blue, White & Flats

~Blue & Yellow

~Blue & White

Images:(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6)(7) (8) (9) (10) (11)

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10 Differences Between Women & Girls

 “One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman.” -Simone de Beauvoir
The Simple Sophisticate, episode #24

For some it occurs when they begin living on their own for the first time, completely free of parental support, for others it occurs when they have their first stream of hard-earned money and open their first checking account, for others it is a pivotal life event such as a relocation, a death, an introduction to a luminary that opens a new way of looking at the world, and for some it has yet to happen.

The shift from being a girl to becoming and embracing the gift of being a woman is on some levels subconscious depending upon how you were raised, but in its entirety, to truly embody the authentic sense of  what a woman is has to be done so consciously, each and every day.

The title of my book Choosing The Simply Luxurious Life: A Modern Woman’s Guide purposefully was chosen to include the term modern and woman. And while I go into great detail with regards to the term modern in chapter two, “Live Simply Luxuriously”, much of the definition of a woman is assumed. As that is the case, I would like to look precisely at what differentiates a woman from a girl. After all, we were all at one point young, carefree, solely and necessarily dependent on our parents and this is a crucial part of living well; however, there is a time to evolve, progress and shed this skin as it has an expiration date after which point being a girl won’t serve us well as we pursue our true potential.

Interestingly enough, today’s post came about in a round-about way as I had intentioned to share the differences between a man and a boy. But as I began outlining my post, one particular article that I happened upon this past week kept dancing around in my mind. It suggested that rather than look to others to blame or become frustrated with when events, conversations, etc go wrong, instead look within and determine how we contributed to the outcome that has so enraged or bothered us.

And so taking this concept of looking inwardly, I thought I’d immerse us today in understanding how we as women can truly step in and own the idea of being women. Much of what I am going to say will no doubt remind readers of a post I wrote this summer (Grown-Ups vs. Adults), but I will delve more deliberately into the feminine aspect of this concept.

However, since I may have teased too much with the idea of a post spotlighting the difference between men and boys, I have a two-fer today. Click here to read 10 Differences Between Men & Boys. Now back to the difference between women and girls.

“A girl wants attention, a woman wants respect. A girl wants to be adored by many. A woman wants to be adored by one.” -Anonymous

1. Relationships

A woman may or may not desire a romantic pairing, but if she does, she chooses to do so because it amplifies her life. She will not step into a relationship and especially will not go as far as to say “I do” simply to not feel left out. A woman is quite content in her own company and would rather be alone pursuing her passions, strengthening her friendships and building her legacy, than be involved with the wrong person.

A girl is scared to death of being alone. Primarily, this fear is cultivated by those around her and the media she subjects herself to. It is also an indicator that she is not either comfortable with who she is or she hasn’t taken the time to find out who she is. This discovery is very often a journey that requires the sojourner to walk alone. A girl will jump from one relationship to the next with little regard for the quality of the individual she is involved with.

2. Dating

A woman is strong and confident enough to let a man know she is interested in him. In this post a couple of years ago I spoke about the idea of allowing a man court a woman, and it cultivated great discussion (be sure to view the comments). And while the crucial foundation of building any healthy relationship is to maintain one’s self-respect and integrity, playing a cat and mouse game is not what a woman does. She may not be the person to initiate (much more my style), but even if she is, the goal is to express interest and then let go. In other words, both parties must be interested, and if they are not, both adults – the man and the woman – move on. No harm, no foul.

A girl feeds off the drama.  A girl finds entertainment in the unknown and the uncertainty in the “will he call/text” or won’t he? A girl hasn’t found something of more quality interest in her life, her passion, to focus on and instead focuses on gaining the adoration of boys.

3. Finances

A woman regardless of her relationship status stands on her own financial footing. A woman does not purport to be too feeble minded to handle money successfully. She understands that successful money management is knowledge than anyone can acquire if they choose to. A woman is disciplined when it comes to spending and saving. (Click here for posts on Money.)

A girl assumes she either will marry someone who will take of her financially or refrains from educating herself on the power of successful financial planning because it appears too daunting, thus sabotaging herself from achieving what she is truly capable of.

4. Confidence

A woman recognizes that true confidence comes from within. While she recognizes that there will be days of mood swings, she understands the power of her mastering her mind and refuses to be sucked into the debilitating powers of certain emotions. A woman takes the time to get to know herself, to understand her strengths and weaknesses, and realizes she is a work in progress.

However, she knows her self-worth and based on her personality will not be subjected to disrespect from a partner or place of work.  A woman recognizes that the only way to gain self-confidence is through experiences, pushing through a wall of comfort from time to time and taking educated risks. A woman has a mind of her own and speaks up for herself and others when necessary.

A girl seeks confidence from external sources – the number of social media followers, a busy date book, approval from peers of her behavior, clothing or life choices. A girl without self-confidence can easily be manipulated into believing what others want her believe about herself.

5. Appearance

A woman knows her body and dresses to accentuate it. She may reveal her silhouette, but not too much skin. A woman is acutely aware that while beauty may get someone to open the door, her intelligence will get her over the threshold. However, she respects the power of dressing well, and while she wouldn’t walk out the door without make-up or at least brushing her hair, this is merely a means of self-respect not insecurity.

A girl only has her looks to rely on to close the deal. Too much skin or too much make-up are a regular occurrence only because she hasn’t invested in anything else such as her interests, passions and talents.

6. Dating Expectations

A woman will not expect a man to pay for dinner, dates or wherever their outing takes them, but as a gentleman, he will most likely do so. She will be able to pay for anything she suggests, and if he does pay, will not feel obligated to do anything besides say thank you.

A girl will allow the date to play out exactly as he wants as she is not secure in her sense of self and aims to please.

7. Conversation

A woman can hold a conversation with just about anyone, but the difference is that it goes deeper than the surface. A woman is well-read and aware of the world around her. She is comfortable in existential conversations as well as conversations about local politics.

A girl is more comfortable gossiping and complaining, focusing on superficial information that doesn’t deepen the conversation.

8. Social Media

A woman reserves her social media accounts for business and curiosities (news, hobby ideas, and inspiration) and sees the value in face-to-face conversations, one-on-one texting or letter writing for Thank Yous, invites, etc. A woman reserves an air of mystery and doesn’t share everything online or otherwise.

A girl can’t wait to update her social status on Facebook, share news or gossip on Yik Yak or share a group selfie to demonstrate how popular she is. A girl again is seeking validation.

9. Sense of Direction

A woman has goals, aspirations and intentions for her life. Often the rigidity has been lessened as to how exactly everything should play out, however it doesn’t mean they’ve lost sight of their target. It is now more of a concept than a concrete thing. A woman stands on her own to travel her journey, but recognizes the value in relationships (working and personal) and helping those she loves travel successfully toward their dreams as well. A woman is insatiable in her quest for learning and exploring and doesn’t wait for life to entertain her as she recognizes life is ready to dance, she merely has to get on the dance floor and start moving.

A girl doesn’t really know what she wants and due to the ambivalence, she may default to a man and follow his path and help him pursue his dreams while losing herself and her potential in the process.

10. Standards vs. Expectations

A woman has standards. In other words, a woman holds herself in check when it comes to what she needs in her life to be her best self and is self-actualized enough that she knows what will be detrimental to her potential and overall health (mental and physical).

A girl has expectations. The list of superficial demands that others must have before she will involve herself is something she projects onto them and uses as a barrier to not look beyond what someone may have to offer. In so doing, she is focused on appearances rather than substance.

Becoming a woman, reveling in all that being a woman can entail is a choice that will empower you to become your best self and surround you with a support system that offers respect, love and comfort as you afford them the same. Choosing to be a woman must be a conscious choice as society will have us believe a myriad of definitions based on what you expose yourself to in the movies, online, on television and in print. You must begin with a recognition of your self-worth. It’s there. It’s always been there.

While each one of us is a work in progress, and you perhaps, as I did myself, recognize moments when we regressed to being a girl. The good news is that we recognized such missteps. And when we can recognize it, we can improve. We can move forward and allow the girl that wishes to hold us back remain in the past.

~SIMILAR POSTS FROM THE ARCHIVES YOU MIGHT ENJOY:

~10 Differences Between Men & Boys

~Why Not . . . Be a Successful Woman?

~10 Steps to Becoming the Woman You’ve Always Wanted to Be

Petit Plaisir:

For a casual, yet delicious evening in for two: MENU:

Pendleton Whisky steak
Julia Child’s butter green beans
Potatoes inspired by Julia Child (see recipe below)
a bottle of full-bodied red wine (cabernet sauvignon, merlot, blend) or this one was my choice as seen in the picture


Pendleton Whisky Steak (or substitute your favorite whisky/bourbon)

~Prepare the Roasted Shallot Aioli first, then cook the steak. See the recipe for the Aioli below the steak recipe.

Ingredients:

2 10-12 oz strip loin steaks or T-bone
1 tablespoon black pepper, freshly ground
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1 tablespoon clarified butter or vegetable oil
1 tablespoon chopped shallots
1 cup Pendleton Whisky
2 tablespoons whole butter, unsalted

Directions:

Trim all excess fat and sinew from meat. Run whole pepper through a pepper mill for a fresh cracked pepper flavor and place in a shallow dish.
Salt the steaks lightly on each side, then press each side into the cracked pepper to create a pepper crust.
Heat pan to high on stove top. When pan is hot, add butter or oil.
Sear the steak, flipping after one and a half minutes. Steak should be dark brown on the outside.
At this point, the whole pan can go into the oven (make sure pan handle is heat-resistant).
Cook in the oven at 350 degrees for 2-5 minutes, depending upon the desired temp/finish (rare, med-rare, med, well, etc). Use meat thermometer if necessary.
Take out of the oven and remove the steaks from the pan. Let them rest for 5 minutes.
While the meat is resting, add shallots to the pan and sauté briefly, de-glaze the pan with Whisky, careful to add whisky away from open flame and be prepared when returning pan to flame in case of a flare up (mine has never done this, but be aware).
Reduce until almost dry and finish sauce by melting butter into it. Don’t let the sauce simmer after butter has been aded or it will separate.
Optional: slice steak on a bias and fan out or serve as is.
Pour whisky sauce over the top. Drizzle the roasted shallot aioli over steak (see recipe below – very simple, worth it!)

Roasted Shallot Aioli
Ingredients:

2-3 shallots
3 egg yolks
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1/2 cup olive oil
1/2 cup sour cream
1 tablespoon horseradish
1 tablespoon chef’s salt (mixture of salt, pepper and spices, usually paprika and powdered garlic)

Directions:

Roast shallots in a 325 degree oven. How? Peel and trim to the same size and toss with a little olive oil, pepper and fresh herbs. Place on a piece of aluminum foil into a pillow and roast in the oven for 45 minutes.
Remove from the oven and puree shallots in food processor. Add egg yolks, sour cream, horseradish and chef’s salt. Quickly mix these ingredients.
With machine running slowly, drizzle in the oil until it is all incorporated.

Potatoes inspired by Julia Child

~c/o Judith Jones’ The Pleasure of Cooking for One Ingredients:

3-5 red potatoes or 2 medium new potatoes
1 small garlic clove
4 teaspoons butter (unsalted)
freshly ground pepper
salt

Directions:

Peel the potatoes and slice them very thin.
Peel and mince the garlic, then, with the flat of your chef’s knife, mash it with a little salt until it is a paste. Work a little of the butter into it.
Heat 2 teaspoons of the butter in your small frying pan over medium-low heat, and lay in half the potato slices, overlapping slightly, to fill the bottom of the pan.
Salt and pepper them lightly, and smear half of the garlic paste on top.
Add the remaining layer of potatoes, and cook gently, setting a small cover askew on top of the pan.
After about 8 minutes, turn the potatoes, which should be brown on the bottom, by setting a small, sturdy plate on top of the pan and flipping the potatoes over onto it. They won’t hold together perfectly, but don’t worry.
After heating the remaining butter in the pan, just slide the potatoes back in and arrange them as neatly as you can. Let them cook, semi-covered, for about 5 minutes, and uncovered for couple more minutes, at which point they should be done and nicely browned, both top and bottom.

Bon Appétit!

~Outro music – Ella Eyre “We Don’t Have to Take Our Clothes Off“, remix

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10 Differences Between Men & Boys

“Manhood is the defeat of childhood narcissism.” –David Gilmore

Life has a talented way of teaching us lessons we thought we understood. Take for example, understanding the simple difference between a man and boy. Simple logic would assume that we would prefer to date someone who is respectful, gives us peace of mind and brings out our best self, but as we know, often we have to date those who unfortunately make us feel quite the opposite in order to appreciate such valuable attributes. Why? Why do we do this to ourselves? I refuse to believe that it is because we are masochistic, but rather something else. Let me explain.

I’ve been trying to figure that question out for awhile now, and fortunately, most of the men I’ve dated could safely be placed in the “men” category (except for a few – thank you for the lesson!). But I think there are a couple of reasons women date the wrong men either consciously or subconsciously: purely seeking fun, commitment-phobic, wish to rescue/save someone, relationship of opportunity (feel free to add your thoughts on this in the comments below).

Needless to say, when you meet a man, you’ll know. Why? The games stop and the respect is clear. Intentions are made known and the guessing ends. Tranquility radiates and anxiety vanishes. Sure, you may become a little excited, but you’re able to remain within yourself and go about your life.

So as promised from this week’s episode of The Simple Sophisticate podcast which discussed the 10 Differences Between a Woman & a Girl, below are the “10 Differences Between Men & Boys”.

1. Dating

“The mark of a real man, is a man who can allow himself to fall deeply in love with a woman. But the reason why a man is often heartbroken, is because a woman can become overcome by the reality that she has made a man out of a boy, because it’s just such an overwhelming process, a beautiful and powerful evolution. Therefore, a man needs to fall in love with a woman who knows that men don’t happen every day, and when a man does happen, that’s a gift! A gift not always given, and one that shouldn’t be thrown away so easily.” ― C. JoyBell C.

A man doesn’t play games. Mind games. Hide and seek games. A man after making his interest known, is not interested in the cat and mouse, and is looking for a clear sign that the woman is both available and interested.

A boy plays games because he doesn’t know what he wants and loves the adrenaline rush of the chase. A boy will lose interest after it is clear the one he was pursuing is fully interested and wishes to be involved.

2. Communication

A man will be clear about his intentions: where he envisions his life heading, his goals, what he needs and what he is capable of. A man will also have the courage and respect for the person he is involved with, as well as his colleagues at work and his family, to have uncomfortable conversations. While he may not be able to predict the outcome of the conversation, he realizes that the only way to build healthy relationships is through honesty and truth.

A boy will avoid uncomfortable conversations at all costs. This may manifest itself in lying, joking, avoidance or passive aggressiveness. A boy doesn’t know what he wants and will communicate inconsistently his goals. One week it will be this, the next something else as a way to not be able to be pinned down (subconsciously or consciously).

3. Relationships

A man is looking for a partner to share his life with. A man would rather be alone because he has mastered how to do it well, than be with the wrong person.

A boy is looking for validation. Whether it be validation from his fellow boys or family, he is seeking a puzzle piece who will fill a role so he won’t be bothered or teased.

4. Confidence

“The stronger a man is, the more gentle he can afford to be” ― Elbert Hubbard

A man is self-assured of who he is. A man while having moments of doubt, realizes that he is responsible for his contentment and stability, and is comfortable allowing others to shine. He realizes that his accomplishments and character will speak for themselves. A man is not arrogant or looking to make others feel small in order to make himself appear the better man.

A boy is insecure and thus seeks out validation constantly. Whether it is in being rude, loud, obnoxious or attention-getting, or becoming absorbed in the superficial to prove to the outside world his worth, including draping a beautiful woman on his arm simply for the perception it will have on those he wishes to please, a boy’s main priority is to prove himself to others.

5. Conversation

A man can hold conversations about ideas, concepts and theoretical philosophies. A man is aware of the world around him and is curious about how it works and how he exists within it. A man doesn’t pretend to know everything and is curious, seeking out those who can answer questions he has.

A boy prefers superficial conversation, teasing, jokes and anything that doesn’t allow him to be too vulnerable or reveal his lack of knowledge. Day to day events that don’t delve too deeply into the “why” are common.

6. Looking For . . .

“It is a grand mistake to think of being great without goodness; and I pronounce it as certain, that there never was yet a truly great man, that was not at the same time truly virtuous.” –Benjamin Franklin

A man is looking for substance. While he will want to be stimulated initially by what he sees, he will stick around for intelligence and a woman who is secure within herself as he is looking for a partner, not a playmate puppet.

A boy is looking for eye-candy, a girl who will look good on his arm and get the approval of his buddies. Since there are many beautiful women in the world, a boy’s interest can easily be satiated momentarily quite quickly as they prefer not to complicate their lives with getting to know the person behind the facade.

7. Real World

A man will of course enjoy going out in the evenings and on weekends, but the reality is he has more perspective than going to the bar. A man respects his goals, obligations and health and is disciplined in how he approaches his schedule. Some Saturdays may find him staying home to finish a work project, so the next weekend he can escape to wine country for a rejuvenating getaway with his partner.

A boy lives for the weekend and wouldn’t be caught dead not going out to have a good time. After all, he would lose face from his buddies, wouldn’t he? A boy, doesn’t have goals that drive him or keep him disciplined and therefore, he is always living in the present or at least for the weekend.

8. Future

A man has plans for the future. A man is financially secure and working towards or has achieved long-worked for goals. A man can live in the present, but in so doing, aligns his behaviors to his future aspirations.

A boy lives purely in the present and for his own short-term fulfillment. A boy lacks patience, discipline and self-control all in the pursuit of a good-time.

9. Independence

A man lives on his own, cares for himself – laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc – and recognizes that he should be able to as he is an adult. Upon entering into a relationship, he doesn’t delegate what once were traditionally “women’s jobs” to his partner, but rather shares equal responsibility or has a conversation to determine how the couple will approach each.

A boy is either living with his parents or dependent upon them financially to live on “his own”.  A boy expects someone else to keep the living space clean, and tend to other traditional “women’s jobs”, and as a result may not live in a cleanly space. Upon entering into a relationship, a boy will expect without conversation for his partner to fulfill these roles.

10. Initiative

A man dances with life, so to speak. He does not sit passively by and wait for opportunities to fall into his lap. A man upon meeting an intriguing woman will attempt to get to know her. A man will chase after his career aspirations, goals and contentment as he recognizes he is the conductor of his life.

A boy will be passive when it comes to seeking what truly piques his interest. His lack of self-confidence or security will hold him back, and he will settle for what is placed in front of him as it is easier and will not risk losing “face”.

Each one of us, men and women, are evolving, growing and trying to do our best in this journey called life. Each one of us will have moments of “boy”, but the “man” will recognize it almost immediately and remedy the issue – that is the difference. We are all a work in progress.

Most importantly, as love becomes the center of attention this Valentine’s Day weekend, trust that men (compared to boys) exist, and it is up to the women who date them, work with them, are related to them, to keep our standards high because if we do, the men who recognize the benefits of being with the women described in this post will quickly want to become the men they are very much capable of being.

~SIMILAR POSTS FROM THE ARCHIVES YOU MIGHT ENJOY:

~Why Not . . . Revel in Being a Woman?

~7 Components of Strong, Healthy Relationships

~Why Not . . . Have That Difficult Conversation?

~Grown-Ups vs. Adults: 15 Differences

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This & That: No. 144

~Blog
~Oui in France

Not only is blogger Diane of Oui in France a doggie mama to an adorable Cavalier King Charles Spaniel named Dagny, but she married a French man and lives in western France. So, yep, I’m intrigued. Her blog kicked off in 2012 and she hasn’t looked back since. Stop by, peruse, fall in love and put on your blog reader. A treat indeed. Here are a few posts that caught my eye – here, here and here.

~Book
~ 1000 Foods to Eat Before You Die

If you love food and love to try new foods, this is your foodie bible. A best-seller last year for travel cushiness, Mimi Sheraton offers scrumptious descriptions to tempt your taste buds and nudge you to travel all the more.

~The French Art of Revenge by Mark Zero

A French caper that involves Yves Saint Laurent, a stolen painting and eluding the police. A cozy mystery to transport you to Paris and savor.

~Decor
~Inside Avenue

Shop beautiful, statement making decor from accessories to furniture. Not necessarily bargain prices, but certainly items worth saving up for. This tray, this table lamp, and this wallpaper are just a few of the items that caught my eye,

~Music
~Ella Eyre, “If I Go”

While I am by no means someone who is in the know when it comes to music, when I hear a song that makes me tap my toes I will explore further its origins, and if it moves me to actually physically dance whether I’m driving in my car or grooving around my living room, I am then on a mission to figure out where to download the tune. So was the case last Thursday when I heard Ella Eyra’s song at the tail end of Grey’s Anatomy.

~Shopping
~BCBG Maxazria ivory sheer woven blouse

Perfect for layering, a beautiful white sleeveless blouse that will save your wallet.

~recipe for Green Asparagus Soup with Fried Scallops~

A week that flew by, but was productive and full of a few delightful surprises along the way – such a week is certainly something to be grateful for. What good news you may be asking . . . well, in a few days I will be able to announce the first date for TSLL book signing that will take me some place I’ve never been and hopefully give readers a chance to ask a few of the questions they might have about how to create their very own simply luxurious life. Be sure to subscribe to this newsletter which will alert you to any and all book news whenever it is announced or simply stop by my author website and visit the Events page to see my schedule.

I do hope your week went well as February kicked off. Are you too getting excited for spring? Making plans, noticing the daffodils that are beginning to pop out of the ground and treat us to their brilliant yellow hue? Ah, it will be here before we know it. So with that understanding, I am soaking up the last few weekends of winter with ample time reading, dreaming and enjoying the last of the fires in my fireplace.

Here are a few articles you may enjoy if you too are taking some time to just unwind, relax and savor the weekend:

~Technically, the 2015 is still young. Why not set these nine mantras as goals to achieve: 9 Things You Should Be Able to Say About Your Life

~Take a tour of Neil Patrick Harris and husband David Burtka’s Harlem townhouse which is the feature in this month’s Architectural Digest.

~An interesting article from the Atlantic Monthly: How Real Are Facebook Friendships?

~In the kitchen this weekend or entertaining in the near future? View Saveur’s Easy Crostini Recipes

Until Monday, bonjour!

 

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