Shannon Ables's Blog, page 335

Style Inspiration: The Height of Denim

Lately, you might have noticed a return of the high-rise, denim jeans that is. And while initially you may be thinking frumpy, out-of-date, I would beg your patience to hear me out first on this style that is having a comeback for a reason. The high-waisted denim jean is a simple way of elongated your leg especially if you are not blessed with Karlie Kloss’ natural height. Whether you choose skinny, straight or flared, high-waisted can be very flattering as it shows off a narrow waist and reveals your curves.

Below you will see most of the images include a pair of this trendy style, other images, I’m not quite sure as a chic blouse or sweater is worn over the top, but what I hope you see is that it is what you pair these jeans with as well as choosing the right leg-style that will turn this once understandably forgotten about style into a choice to reconsider.

I recently stocked my capsule wardrobe with a pair of black skinny jeans and yes, they too have a high-waist. Thank goodness! I am beyond mourning the trend that was the low-rise. Are you with me? Not only is the high-waisted look appropriate no matter which way we move our bodies, but feminine as well, and designers are realizing its appeal to customers.

~STYLE INSPIRATION POSTS FROM THE ARCHIVES:

~Summer Chic (for my Aussie readers!)

~White, Blue & Denim

~White & Denim

~Winter Casual

Images: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (11) (12) (13) (14) (15) (16)

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The Importance of Selecting the Best Reality

“Happiness is not about being blind to the negatives in our environment; it’s about believing we have the power to do something about them.” - author Shawn Achor from Before Happiness
The Simple Sophisticate podcast, episode #21

The reality of the world we live in at first seems to be a constant that we can’t change and something that we have absolutely no control over. After all, the fact is time doesn’t stand still, therefore we increase in age each second; the fact is your past occurred and you can’t change it or go back in time and do anything differently; but the fact is, you actually can change your perception of reality.

I know this sounds absurd and perhaps impossible on its surface, but after reading Shawn Achor’s best-selling book Before Happiness: The Five Hidden Keys to Achieving Success, Spreading Happiness and Sustaining Positive Change, I came to realize that indeed how we perceive the reality we are in and expect to be in each day can shift. And that shift can make the difference between happiness and sadness, fulfillment and failure.

While I was reading the book, I realized that I had recently experienced exactly what he spoke about regarding this image we construct in our minds of how something should go or will go, and how often our misunderstanding or limited perspective of how events will unfold is precisely how we make the barriers that stand in the way of success.

Over the holiday break a few weeks ago, I signed up for a introductory rock climbing class with one of my close friends. Always wanting to learn how to climb, but for some reason never making time or being near a location that offered the opportunity when I did, I finally pounced at the chance when my schedule was free.

After the instructions of how to tie our ropes, how to belay for our partner and how to check our partners for all of the safety checks had been covered and reviewed repeatedly, we began getting psyched up for our first climb. And then I felt a twinge of fear. I was shocked at the subtle trepidation I was feeling. Now keep in mind, I am someone who has a great abiding respect for gravity. I wouldn’t say I am altophobic, but I will not tease the gods of gravity and walk out on a glass ledge for example at Chicago’s Willis Tower. No, that will not be me.

However, I was securely in my harness and this rock wall was man-made and indoors; so many variables were in my partner and I’s control. Still, I noticed it, but I wasn’t going to let it stop me, not for a moment.

Fast forward to my first climb. Upon scaling halfway up the wall without looking down the majority of the time, I was fine, and then I stopped. Not a good idea. I swiveled my head around and noticed the grand distance between me and the floor. Neck breaking, legs snapping – not images I wanted swirling around in my head. So I promptly asked my friend to lowered me to the ground.

I was frustrated. Why? More than anything I was frustrated with myself because I knew, rationally, I had nothing to truly be afraid of. Yes, I needed to respect the process and properly follow the procedures, but knowing I had done that, I had nothing to fear.

Second climb. Upon taking a different route, (later I realized it was a more difficult route, but my ignorance at the time was probably a blessing), I had climbed approximately two thirds up the wall and stopped. My eyes began to water, my heart seemed to tighten slightly, and I swallowed hard. Please note, that children and other calm adults were blazing past me as if this wall was lying flat on the ground. Why then was my stomach beginning to knot?

My previously set reality had it all wrong.

I had created images and primed the pump full of reasons to be fearful, when I also knew I was more than capable so long as I had the right tools, a partner I could trust and the physical capabilities. So for those last few moments, while respecting the fact that I was as high as I was, I didn’t look down until I reached the top, and yes, I did reach the top. With every subsequent climb, I’ve never felt that particular fear again. It was as if I finally broke a bubble that I had placed around me. And while I don’t make it to the top each time, nor do I have the most graceful or technically sound abilities as I figure out my way, I’ve made to the top more often than not.

So why share my experience? Let me explain.

1. Break Through Self-Imposed Barriers

Just as I had placed this fear of heights while rock-climbing on my shoulders unnecessarily, imagining all of the atrocities that could happen should something go wrong, I had chosen to view reality through a lens that was not the most conducive to success. In Achor’s book, he discusses the three strategies for how to choose the most valuable reality, and strategy one brings to light the fact that there are multiple versions of reality.

Yes – multiple versions. What does he mean? Take stress for example. Achor explains that while yes (reality #1) stress has been proven to be damaging to our health and immune system, it is also equally true (reality #2) at even high levels to “create greater mental toughness, deeper relationships, heighten awareness, new perspectives, a sense of mastery a greater appreciation of life, a heightened sense of meaning and strengthen priorities.”

So let’s look at the rock climbing scenario ago. Reality #1: Rock climbing is dangerous. Could lead to broken limbs or loss of life.  Absolutely true. There is no question about it. Reality #2: Rock climbing is a unique approach to working out as it requires a coordination of strength, endurance and flexibility. In order to be successful, I will be motivated to be disciplined in my workout regime. Also, true.

In other words, when we shift our perspective, we gain more knowledge and insight. It doesn’t mean we are ignoring the negative or pretending it doesn’t exist that would be what Achor calls being an irrational optimist. Rather we are actually opening more doors and opportunities for success which we will talk about in point #2 below.

2. Increase Happiness & Success

Understandably, a cynic or pessimist will be less likely to truly be happy as they always assume the worst which ultimately deflates not only their potential to be happy but those around them. However, if we choose to identify multiple realities to one scenario – our work day, unexpected news, our love life – we open up our minds and realize there are truly more than one reality.

Achor shares that researchers have found that when we add vantage points to a scenario, we improve our creativity and innovation. And when we increase these two aspects of our lives, we become better problem-solvers, innovators and ultimately begin to curate the life we may never thought could have existed if we had chosen to exist in the original first (potentially negative) vantage point.

3. Use Stress as  Productive Tool

“While stress is inevitable, its negative effects are not.”

As I mentioned in the example above, our interpretation of stress and how it can affect our lives has multiple realities. And as soon as we choose the reality that will provide the most value to our lives (#2), we can actually harness its impressive power to motivate us to even greater success.

How? Achor reminds us to get to the bottom of the meaning of the stress. Job interview? An opportunity for promotion, growth. A date? An opportunity to see life from a different perspective, meet a new friend or relax and enjoy an evening out.

Much like fear and change, stress will always be present in our lives; however, it is how we handle it that will make a difference in our overall happiness and success.

A tremendous aha moment for us all is when we realize that our thoughts create the world we live in more so than we realize. By welcoming more new and different experiences and perspectives we actually unwrap the gift of opportunities as we can now connect the dots of how new ideas may work together.

In other words, our reality cannot grow unless we choose to see them differently, unless we choose to turn around and look at it from another angle. Instead of our boss not appreciating our work, maybe our boss had a few other pressing matters that we didn’t know about and the oversight was nothing personal. Instead of spinning your wheels trying to protect yourself from being hurt when it comes to relationships, spend your finite energy on how to enjoy the present moment with them and let tomorrow bring what it will. What you bring to every scenario you are in helps predict the outcome. Bring a good attitude of resilience and determination, most likely you will run into more opportunities and visa versa.

So today, ask yourself, what realities are you living in that aren’t productive for the life you are trying to live. Start with one, and then gradually train your mind to shift by default to the most valuable path for success.

Even if you don’t wish to rock climb, trust me when I say, that often we do put the barrier up that stands in our way. And if we put it there, we can remove it. Have faith and confidence in yourself.

~”El Capitan’s Dawn Wall: Coverage of the Ascent” via The New York Times

~Portland Rock Gym, classes – Intro 101

~Expand Your Mind – Travel the World (click to find Mark Twain’s quote mentioned in the podcast)

 ~A progression of photos of my friend Nancy from beginning to the top of the route, I am on the left in purple (photo credit to Kevin, thank you)~

~SIMILAR POSTS FROM THE ARCHIVES YOU MIGHT ENJOY:

~How to Be Brave

~What is Worth the Risk

~How to Create Opportunities

~Petit Plaisir
~Sweet or Savory Palmiers (click here for the recipe and step-by-step picture guide)

Images: (1)

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This & That: No. 141

~Article to Read
~To Fall in Love with Anyone, Do This via The New York Times 

As absurd as the title sounds, I highly recommend reading the article if only to understand the why behind the experiment. On the surface it entails two components: answering these 36 questions and staring into each other’s eyes for four minutes.  Whether you are looking for love or simply for strengthening any relationship – parent/child, friendship, etc. the concepts are basic, but founded in the idea that when we are able to make ourselves vulnerable and this energy is exchanged, deeper connections can be firmly established. Certainly something to think about.

~Book
~Better Than Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives by Gretchen Rubin

Answering the question of how do we make the changes we seek in our lives with the mastering of habits, The Happiness Project author/blog Gretchen Rubin’s is about to release her latest book (March 17).  Offering specific, concrete steps about how to establish the habits we wish we had in our lives that would enable us to live the lives we dream of, Rubin answers the questions that typically stand in our way: Why is creating a habit so hard? How long will it take to establish a habit?.  While it may not be available as we begin the new year, this new book just might be what you’re looking for to assist in achieving your new year’s resolutions.

~Broadway
~The Heidi Chronicles

Mad Men‘s Elizabeth Moss stars in Wendy Wasserstein’s Pultizer and Tony award winning drama The Heidi Chronicles which officially opens on Broadway March 19 (previews begin February 23rd). Spanning three decades from the 60s to 80s, the play follows Heidi Holland from high school graduation through her successful career as an art historian twenty years later. Focusing primarily on the changing role of women in society and the effect of the feminist movement through the decades, Wasserstein’s play offers thoughtful ideas and relationships that are relevant even today. I must admit, if I find myself in New York City in the near future, I will certainly check this play out. Click here for tickets.

~Decor
~Interior Define Rose Sofa by EveryGirl

As I was flipping through the recent issue of House Beautiful, the editors’  recommendation of Interior Define’s Rose Sofa caught my eye. And while at the time, I didn’t realize it was built as a collaboration with one of my favorite website/blogs Everygirl, as soon as I learned of of this fact, I was further intrigued. Why? The Rose sofa for me integrates the comfort of leisure and the French chic structure that I am always drawn to. Available in four different colors, this 83″ sofa is available for only $1500. Something to save up for certainly without breaking the bank.

~Shopping
~Minimalist Disk Pendant

Displayed on a long 28″ chain, this statement making necklace, while subtle, will certainly do the trick when it comes to finishing an outfit that just needs that certain extra something. And for $30, why not?

~Banana Republic textured stripe boatneck pullover

Wear in layers or on its own, this complementary boatneck pullover is ideal for leisurely getaways or afternoons when a pair of jeans and flats are calling your name. Available in black as well.

 ~recipe for Mini Herbed Pommes~

A three day weekend is just around the corner, and that means some time with family, getting back to healthy as I kick a cold and a little bit of whatever strikes my fancy.

This time of year always finds me wanting to tinker in the kitchen with a new recipe (such as the one above) and indulging in a bit of decluttering around (be sure to check out the first article listed below). There’s something about knowing that spring is around the corner that motivates to into wanting to kick off the upcoming season with clean closets and drawers and a spruced up menu for any dinner party or guest I may have over.

I do hope your weekend treats you well, until Monday, here are a few articles I think you might enjoy:

~Was one of your resolutions to declutter? Begin here by losing these 10 items first.

~Is 2015 already too busy, leaving you exhausted? Read the 25 Ways to Stop Feeling Overwhelmed and Overworked by Marc & Angel

~Didn’t have a chance to watch Amy Poehler and Tina Fey’s opening at the Golden Globes? I’ve got you covered, click here to watch.

~A lesson or two to be learned from French interiors.

Images: (2)

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Thoughts from the Editor

January is one of those months you either love or loathe. And while, yes, I am craving the sun’s attention as we’ve been tucked under gray, frigid clouds for quite some time, I actually quite enjoy this first month of year. Why?

a month with no expectations
an opportunity to catch one’s breath
time to reassess, set intentions/goals/resolutions
a fresh start
AND award season begins

To kick off the award season, The Golden Globes, hosted brilliantly by Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, had a red carpet that was dazzling. While I’ve only included a few of my favorites below, the outfit that immediately captured my attention due to the perfect marriage of youth, red locks and taking a trend and making it her own, was Emma Stone in her Lanvin jumpsuit and Christian Louboutin heels. Stone personifies the entire premise of signature style. Respectfully, she broke the rules and raised the bar at the same time. Bravo.

And of course, you will see that I included Kevin Space and Kate Mara, primarily because . . . well . . . season 3 of House of Cards is finally about to begin (mark your calendars for February 27th).  View the official trailer that was just released here.

Last week’s Thoughts from the Editor prompted fantastic comments from readers. If you haven’t had the chance to take a look, do so here. With morning rituals and early-to-bed as the discussion’s focus, I was touched by your honesty and enjoyed getting to know more of my fellow early-risers. I know not everyone is an early bird, but the key lesson I feel is to create a daily routine and schedule that brings out your best self. Tap into those instances when everything seemed to be in tune and ran smoothly – what helped such a feeling materialize? With time and conscious attention, you will figure out the key. Cultivate a routine that helps make you shine each and every day.

As I type, I am enjoying the latter half the day with my Norman snuggled up beside me, an extra warm palmier just out of the oven waiting for me to indulge, a steaming hot cup of lavender tea and a favorite taped television show calling my name. After finishing my show, I will eagerly head to bed, light my bedside candle and read until my eyes can’t stay open a moment longer. Such simple routines, but oh, do they bring such pleasure.

And as you’re enjoying your evening or morning rituals, to receive a text, call or sweet snuggle from someone you care about is truly icing on the cake. As my aunt once told me quite some time ago, “Live the life of your dreams, and if along the way you have the opportunity to share it with someone, that will simply be the cherry on top.” Guess what? She was right. Whether you have someone to enjoy your life with right now or not, so long as you create those rituals, pay sincere attention to your inklings, curiosities and comforts, you will live well and contented. And when you get the opportunity (should you want it) to share it with someone, it will be all the more appreciated without desperation or impatience and rather with ease and gratitude.

~ Emma Stone ~ 

~ Amy Adams in Atelier Versace ~

~ Jessica Chastain in Atelier Versace ~

 

~ Jennifer Aniston in Saint Laurent ~

 

 

~  Reese Witherspoon in Calvin Klein ~

~  Selma Hayek in Alexander McQueen ~

~ Julianne Moore in Givenchy Haute Couture ~ 

~ Anna Kendrick in Monique Lhuillier ~

~ Naomi Watts in Gucci ~  

 ~ Kate Hudson in Versace ~ 

~ Kevin Spacey, Kate Mara in Miu Miu ~

~ Julianna Marguiles in Ulyana Sergeenko ~

~ Benedict Cumberbatch ~

Images: (1)

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Style Inspiration: Luxe & Comfort

As January hangs on, and the clouds hang low, the urge to wear comfort and stay inside is very tempting. But even if we do relent, staying stylish is always possible. From the fabrics we choose, selecting a signature flat that completes the outfit or a beautiful pendant necklace that accentuates our neckline, chic and comfort can co-exist.

One of my latest favorite casual comfortable designers is James Perse. Turned on to him this past summer after purchasing a knee-length body-con racerback jersey dress for leisurely outings, I have been checking out the offerings more frequently and recently found this Collage Wrap Dress that might just be a wonderful addition. Needless to say, comfort can exist with chic style, and below are a few examples of how to make it work.

STYLE INSPIRATION POSTS FROM THE ARCHIVES YOU MIGHT ENJOY:

~Those Shoes & Other Details

~Winter Casual

~Black, White & Warm

Images:(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (11)

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How to be the Master of Your Mind

“I am of the personal belief that through tough physical training, proper mindset, and a high level of maturity that mental toughness is born.” -Stewart Smith, author of The Complete Guide to Navy SEAL Fitness
The Simple Sophisticate, episode #20

What we think has an amazing effect on the reality of our lives. If we believe we are deserving of a particular career path, and we set our minds to it, nothing can stand in our way if we refuse to give up. Contrarily, if we believe we don’t deserve a partner who respects us, we will allow ourselves to stay in underwhelming relationships. So as you can see, our mind foretells our future.

The gift, the beauty, is that our mind is under our control. And with purposeful attention, we can create the habit of allowing our minds to be our best asset rather than take us on a wild, hurtful ride. Much like an athlete who filters out everything but the moment they are on the court/field/course, so can you filter out negative thoughts, doubts and worries so that you can achieve your desired success and peace of mind.

As someone who will admit to having let her mind be in control at various times in my life, I have been and still am working on mastering my mind. But without question, I am much improved from the insecure young woman I was a mere decade ago. Because as you will see it is a constant process, but the process becomes easier as these skills I am about to share with you become habits.

Much like habitually assuming the worst, we can shift this mindset on its head with practice and instead cultivate a habit of refraining from assumption, communicating clearing and letting go until the time arrives for us to know the truth. This is not easy to do as it requires patience, blind-faith and the ability to shut down the negative thinking, but it is possible. And your mind and your life will be all the better when you claim this power.

1. Examine Your Core Beliefs

Believe it or not, we often are the source behind the debilitating thoughts that creep into our minds. Based on our past experiences, whether they were successes or heartbreaks, we believe we know how everything will work out in the future. We believe there is a black and white to life. And while the past did indeed happen, the future can’t be predicted entirely. To limit the possibilities of the future can only occur if we let it.  Otherwise, the opportunities for the future are endless.

Today, examine your core beliefs. Do you believe that you are too old to do something? Let it go. Do you believe that no one will accept you because you’ve made certain missteps in your past (missteps defined by you or those around you)? Let it go. Your thoughts of how things “should” unfold are getting in the way of the possibilities life wants to unveil to you.

Be open to the unexpected. Yes, you can come with experience and knowledge, but stop assuming you know what will happen because typically, most often, life isn’t black and white. There is a lot of gray.

2. Don’t Give Up After the First Attempt

When we’ve never pushed past a certain level whether it be in our fitness class, learning a new skill, or applying for a higher position at work, if we let it, our minds can begin to accept that we can’t excel beyond what we’ve already done. Dismiss this. Dismiss it now.

Any athlete who has had a moderate amount of success will tell you, you will not become proficient until you practice repeatedly the results you wish to occur. So you didn’t get the job you were seeking on your first or maybe even second attempt at the interview. Ask for feedback, build your resume and try again next time. The first attempt at caramelizing the sugar on your creme brûlée resulted in a black rather than brown, golden topping? Try it again. We learn by our mistakes, as we’ve talked about before on the blog, and to allow our minds to think otherwise is letting our minds have control.

The only way you will be able to build your confidence, and thus strengthen your mind into believing you can do something is if you refuse to give up. Most people who try something new without much instruction or any instruction at all, produce their worst results. But that is how you learn, and that is just the beginning. Remember in order to see progress, you must have a starting point that is far from where you end up.

3. Exhibit More Gratitude

If you are someone like me, you’ve woken up in the middle of the night and your mind takes control. Sadly, it seems these early morning or über late mind trips lead nowhere positive as horrible thoughts of doubt, worry and fear dance freely throughout my mind. At first I thought I was the only one experiencing such moments of self-created terror (isn’t that always the case for those of use who are self-critical), but as I shared my experience, I realized this is quite common with people.

Part of the problem, I realized is that my mind was controlling me, not the other way around. Two things have helped me master this dilemma when it occurs: (1) read a book; or (2) begin thinking about all that I am grateful for.

Let’s look at the latter option. When you decide to think about all that is going well in your life, you are taking back control of your mind. You are stopping the fearful worrying and doubt in its tracks and reminding yourself of all that is going well.

Whether you are waking up in the middle of the night or find yourself with endless doubts and worries during the middle of your day, when this happens, turn to gratitude. Quickly, what I think you will realize is, you have so much that is to be celebrated. Does this mean you can rest on your laurels? No. But what it should provide is a reminder that things aren’t nearly as bad as your mind might have you believe.

4. Use Brain Energy Productively

Just like any muscle in our body, our brain can become taxed after extended use. Once we respect this biological and neurological fact, we can be more selective about what we ask it to internalize and analyze in any given day. In other words, why bog it down with unnecessary worry and fret?

I always find it interesting that when school begins and I am back teaching in the classroom, my creative bursts are less frequent. Having come to understand this fact about myself, I waste no time in writing something down when it pops up because I know it is less frequent during the school year. Conversely, during any holiday breaks or during the summer, my mind is flooded with ideas as my mind is not asked to focus on as many demands, problems and projects.

If we use our brains to worry about why we didn’t get the job, why he didn’t call, why our lives aren’t going as planned more than the initial thought, we waste valuable resources that could be used more productively to improve the quality of our lives. Choose to monitor your thoughts, toss the garbage and keep the gems.

5. Practice Regularly

In Dan Harris’ recently published book 10% Happier, he speaks to the beneficial powers of meditation. Now, he doesn’t say that meditation will lead to 100% happiness, but he does unearth the potential to improve our happiness by taking time to meditate regularly.

Part of the power of meditation is that it asks us to still our minds, or at least recognize when our minds are running free and we are at its mercy. Even if at first we are not able to rein in our minds, the mere ability to recognize when we’ve lost control is a tremendous step in the right direction. Whether you practice yoga, meditation or simply pay attention to your thoughts and stop them when they are leading you somewhere that is not going to be beneficial, do so regularly. Before long, you will have taken the beast by the tail and charmed it into submission.

6. Think Rationally & Realistically

To simply say, think positively in order to master one’s mind is actually counter-intuitive advice. Why? When we choose to be Positive Poppy about all things going on in our lives even during events of turmoil and frustration, we disrespect our feelings and those around us who need us to be sympathetic.

Now, by no means am I suggesting cynicism is the path to mastering your mind – absolutely not. Rather, be able to be aware of what our minds are thinking, recognize when our emotions are getting the better of us and bring ourselves back to reality. When we can think rationally even when it would be easy to get angry (and lash out) or extremely excited (and make a rash decision), we have mastered our minds.

Here’s a helpful exercise shared in The Charisma Myth when it comes to dealing with negative thoughts about ourselves or our lives. A cognitive scientist Steven Hayes suggests seeing such thoughts as graffiti on the wall. In other words, simply because you see or observe one ugly sight doesn’t mean the entire city in which it exists is ugly as a whole. Much like your negative thought, simply because you think an unpleasant thought doesn’t mean it’s a statement of truth about who you are.

7. Don’t Suppress Emotions

Now while we need to be rational and realistic, this by no means is to suggest that we should suppress our emotions. Rather, what mastering our minds asks of each of us is to be able to know our minds, to recognize how we are feeling and why and allow ourselves the ability to step into these emotions in a healthy manner.

For example, during a time of grieving, we should absolutely allow ourselves to feel the loss that has occurred. To shut this feeling out, to deny this authentic emotion will only lead to more frustrations down the road. On the other hand, if we are feeling ecstatic about something that is going well in our lives, we should most definitely celebrate, dance, raise a glass and cheer.

In each of these situations, we are respecting the emotion and giving it permission to be felt rather than letting the emotion control us. After all, “We make the best decision when we’re in control of our emotions – rather than visa versa.”

8. Be Patient, Delay Gratification

The ability to exercise self-control is the effect of someone who has mastered their mind. While instant gratification can be tempting, keeping our goals and purpose in mind will make it easy to be patient and say no.

9. Practice Becoming More Comfortable with Discomfort

Part of immature mental strength is that we don’t know what we are capable of until we do it. And because we’ve never done something, we often allow our minds (which crave certainty and control as it is trying to keep us alive) to talk us out of doing something new.

The good news is that for the most part, we live in a world with very few threats upon our lives if we use our common sense (seat belts, lock our doors, etc). Which means that we can stretch our comfort zone most likely a lot more than we realize. For example, if you desire to be someone who is more physically fit, you will have to go out of our comfort zone to take that fitness class, attend that gym and work on not obsessing about what others think when you arrive. Again, notice, it is our minds that get in our way, very rarely it is actual events or actions from other people.

And again, choosing to step out of our comfort zone must be done repeatedly, not just once if you are going to make mastering your mind a habit.

10. Become Self-Compassionate

Olivia Fox Cabane in The Charisma Myth explains that self-compassion is “the warmth we have for ourselves especially when we are going through a difficult experience”.  And the primary way we choose to be self-compassionate toward ourselves is how we think about ourselves as we go through experiences that may not be up to our expectations. In other words, we are able to forgive ourselves so that we can move forward; we tame our inner critic so that we can be productive and not self-destructive. All of this begins with what our thoughts are about ourselves.

Once you master your ability to be self-compassionate, Cabane explains that studies have shown such people have greater emotional resilience to daily difficulties and fewer negative reactions to difficult situations.

Part of the frustration of life in our modern age, and especially in America, is that we feel that something must be wrong if we are not happy every given moment of our day. And when we’re not feeling this ecstatic satisfaction about our day or our lives, we often feel something must be wrong. Notice the word I used “feel”.

The truth is, every single human being has doubts throughout their day. Every single thinking, conscious human being will come across fear that they are not enough and aren’t where they want to be. And since there are a million different advertisers, businesses and people in our lives vying for our attention, our dollars and our time, we are being catered to because they want us to “think” a certain way of living is the best. And when we think we have not measured up to whatever we have accepted to be the path we must take, our minds start to beat us up.

Don’t let this happen. Master your mind, choose your path, choose your response. Because your response will determine the outcome which will ultimately determine the success and contentment of your life. Notice that at the core of this entire equation is mastering your thoughts rather than allowing your mind to be manipulated, thus allowing it to manipulate you. You can do it, but it must be a conscious effort.

And the good news is, if you take the job of exercising your mind regularly, it will become a habit and you will regularly default to healthy thoughts, healthy responses which will lead to a more fulfilling life.

~SIMILAR POSTS FROM THE ARCHIVES YOU MIGHT ENJOY:

~A Thinking Life = A Happy Life

~To Think For Yourself

~The 8 Pillars to Creating a Simply Luxurious Life

Petit Plaisir:

The Jane Austen Rules: A Classic Guide to Modern Love by Sinead Murphy

Image: (1)

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This & That: No. 140

~Book
~Adulting: How to Become a Grow-up in 468 Easy(ish) Steps by Kelly Williams Brown

This fellow Oregonian and much deserved New York Times Best-Selling author has written a playful, yet delightfully fun read for anyone navigating the often confusing and ever-changing adult world. Based on her wildly successful blog which I have a feeling you will no doubt enjoy, Adulting is a book to read, enjoy and pass along.

~The Rosie Project by Graeme Simsion

A novel about love, humor and discovering something unexpected in all the right ways. Having reached the top of the Best-Selling List, the plot takes the protagonist on a search for his future wife, thus called “The Wife Project”, but not without a few shocks and surprises along the way.

~Without Saying a Word: The Silent Power of Style

A guidebook for chic, timeless style. Having been released just last year, Without Saying a Word helps readers to find their personal style that is timeless and signature, as well as provide the tips on how to find the necessary building blocks to pull it all together.

~Shopping
~DVF Esti CottonRelaxed Blouse

Always a fan of a white blouse, I came across this DVF separate while perusing through Nordstrom last week. And while I didn’t pick it up as I don’t necessarily need it, it fit my style to a “T”. Made with soft, yet linen-like cotton, it is a white blouse to wear as a casual pairing for a dressed up look to add balance or with a pair of shorts or skirt in the summer. Me, I’d be wearing it with jeans every day of the week if I could – add a simple necklace or an oversized watch and my style is done. Certainly a staple to keep in mind as we look ahead to warmer months.

~PrAna Maison Legging (dragonfly sierra)

For the past six months I have regularly visited my local yoga studio once a week. And during this time, I have not only found a respite for my mind, a rewarding challenge for my body, but another place in my life to experiment with fashion. You may have noticed the latest trend whether in the gym or on the day-to-day streets – the return of the legging. And not just classic solid black leggings, but unique signature prints. While I won’t be wearing such leggings outside of my home or yoga studio, I am loving them for winter yoga classes. They are comfortable, necessary and provide great warmth with the chilly temperatures.

I recently shared a pic on Instagram a pair of leggings I found at Portland’s PrAna boutique, and couldn’t be more thrilled with the length, feel and function. Available in a couple of other colors, the blue caught my attention and has since been worn quite frequently.

~Travel
~France: Homestyle

If you have plans to travel to France and are looking to rent an apartment or home, rather than stay in a hotel (which I highly recommend), I recently was introduced to France: Homestyle, and I think you will want to have a look at what they have to offer. Offering boutique vacation rentals with accommodations in the city of Paris or the countryside such as Provence and anywhere else your heart desires, France: Homestyle has a home for you to relax in and experience true French living.

~recipe for Rosetta Apple Pie Tartlets~

Just as people have their own personalities, so too do days and even weeks. And so was the case with this first full week of 2015. Perhaps a precursor of what will come, or perhaps just simply a week to be savored. Whichever is the case, regardless of a nagging cold that stubbornly joined me through the week, I couldn’t have asked for a more lovely time.

From wine and food pairing with new friends in the middle of the week, getting back to work and diving into a regular routine full of the daily simple pleasures I so deeply cherish, to unexpected small, yet significant surprises that make me smile without hesitation, the simple approach, an approach that begs conscious attention, really can offer a rich life experience.

Especially with the tragic events in Paris on Wednesday, to be reminded of our blessings, our freedoms and the lives and loved ones that we are fortunate to experience and enjoy, is to be reminded that true luxuries are often hard-fought and result from conscious living and daily courage.

I do hope this week has been an auspicious start to what no doubt will be a year of opportunity, growth and beautiful surprises. If we look for such things, I have learned we are more apt to find and experience them. Below are a few articles and a video I think you might enjoy. Until Monday, bonjour.

~If money was part of your 2015 resolutions, Top 10 Better Money Habits for 2015

~Simple, yet always chic, 7 Things French Women Never Do to Their Hair

~20 Things You Must Insist On No Matter What People Say . . .

~With her new store opening in London, have a look inside. And trust me, if you are looking for top quality denim (I am in love with her skinny jeans), hers are at the top of my list – stretch, structure and comfort. Here’s one of her answers to pique your interest, “I believe that free will leads you to your destiny.” Learn this and more as Victoria Beckham answer’s Vogue’s 73 questions in the video below.

 

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Thoughts from the Editor

One of my favorite daily work week rituals is to rise in the morning earlier than necessary, giving myself nearly two hours before I need to get out the door. Part of the reason I can get going at such an early hour is because I’ve come to claim my old soul which also means I go to bed earlier most nights than most people my age deem “normal”. I used to feel hideous about turning in at 8:30 or nine, but now I bask in it. Why? The extra time in the morning to putz around aimlessly.

Indeed, I tend to the have-tos in the morning: shower, make-up, breakfast, making lunch, etc, but I truly revel in the perusing of the early hour treasures. The latest news delivered on the radio or my favorite news show, playing with the dogs as they wake up and beg for attention, reading an extra op-ed that catches my eye or catching up on my favorite blogs.

To rush the morning is to rush the entire day. I’ve found that when I rush out the door, my day has a much harder time catching its breath as well, and so now I proudly say, yes, I turn in before many people get home at night from a long day at work, but that also means I’m well rested for those occasional treats during the week that require a long night, and those are just as fun as well.

The reason I bring up my beloved morning ritual is a recent article in The New York Times, “Healthy Body, Unhealthy Mind” caught my attention earlier this week. The idea of perfecting our physical health and physique without tending to the health of our minds is to neglect the very motor that can bring into our lives the tranquility which we seek.

As the article points out, choosing to be an internalist, rather than an externalist is to choose to look inward, to be aware of our thoughts, to master them and not be controlled by them. To live a life that is full not because of the excess (stuff, a full itinerary, travel plans, etc), but rather because we can find harmony in the everyday without exhausting ourselves endlessly is to live a life of quality. Finding time to enjoy our own company, to celebrate and revel in the simple, yet extraordinary life we get the opportunity to live each day is something to celebrate. Because when we finally realize that living well doesn’t require exorbitant amounts of money but rather a healthy, hopeful attitude and appreciation, life immediately looks rosier.

So whether you find yourself carving out time each day in the morning, in the evening or in the middle of the day to slow everything else down and just be, I encourage you to do it. Disregard those who laugh or snicker because your daily routine is different and know that the life you live will invite or discourage the peace and tranquility you seek.

Treasure and cultivate more moments in which the clock is ignored, and when by chance you do look at the hands on the clock, you are amazed how more than a few hours have flown by. Get lost in your life, in the best way possible.

Have a beautiful Wednesday everyone. Bonjour.

 

~POSTS FROM THE ARCHIVES YOU MIGHT ENJOY:

~Why Not . . . Jump Start Your Day?

~Why Not . . . Try Yoga?

~Why Not . . . Meditate?

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Style Inspiration: White, Black & Gray

When in doubt, choose black, white or gray. Perfect pairing partners with any ensemble or quite striking as a monochromatic outfit. For soft, clean and confident – white. For strong, mysterious and sophisticated – black. For a neutral, friendly, chic comfort – grey. But then again, what really determines the mood is the woman wearing the clothes. Have a look at a few outfits of inspiration.

 

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Why Not . . . Be a Romantic?

“When it comes to living romantically, one shouldn’t follow a road map either – it’s something you should discover through contemplation and intuition.” – Winston Churchill
~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #19

Ah, to be a romantic. The simple, urban definition is someone who believes in the impossible, sees life through rose-colored glasses, thus loses themselves in hope and falls prey to a reality that does not embody these same ideals.

The part of being a romantic I want to grab onto and dive deeper into is the idea of thinking outside the box, of not being limited by the boundaries that are instituted by society or even by our own experiences. And as such, I want us to gravitate to a higher, more historically accurate definition of the term romantic – the Romantic:  “a life philosophy that prizes the rejection of pure rationalism in favor of intuition, imagination, and emotion; the embrace of nonconformity and sincerity; a tendency towards nostalgia; and the celebration of curiosity, spontaneity, and wonder”.

The Romantic Period is loosely attributed to have come to be in the late 18th century and wrapped up in the mid 19th century. Beginning with the French Revolution and running up through the Civil War, Romantics valued intuition and feelings over rationalism and began to step away from the Industrial Revolution and Enlightenment periods. Why? As they saw it, to improve the quality of life for the individual and return to nature, in other words authenticity. The Transcendentalist movement as well coincided with the Romantic Period with the likes of Henry David Thoreau and Ralph Waldo Emerson who wished to value nature and simplicity over the city life and organized religion that was believed stifled and limited one’s creativity and ability to be true to their innate selves.

In other words, in order for us each to discover our full potential, to curate the life that dances with our predilections and curiosities, we must be willing to look outside the confines that may be limiting what we can do. By choosing to embody the premise of being a Romantic, we are choosing to welcome infinite possibilities as to how our lives can unfold. We are choosing to be the curators of our own lives and not be led around by the nose.

Is being a Romantic easy? No, absolutely not. It takes a strong individual, a strong heart and courageous mind to seek what hasn’t been proven, to do what may have never been done, at least not in your circle of peers, but the gift of a Romantic is that upon harnessing one’s courage, we unleash a world of amazing possibilities to occur in our lives.

Today, I’m going to share six realities that can occur when you choose to tap into your Romantic self. Yes, it already resides inside of you, I am confident in that. Why? If you’ve ever had hope that something would work out against all odds that it most likely wouldn’t, you have inside you an innate Romantic tendency. Whether this was instilled by the books you’ve read, the films you’ve seen or your very own imagination, you have within you a Romantic spirit that is waiting to be acknowledged and granted permission to come alive.

~The theme of TSLL in 2015 – Back to Simple (22 Ways to Get Back to Simple Living).

Let’s get started.

1.  The Beauty of Gray

“The human story does not always unfold like an arithmetical calculation on the principle that two and two make four. Sometimes in life they make five, or minus three, and sometimes the blackboard topples down in the middle of the sum and leaves the class in disorder and the pedagogue with a black eye. The element of the unexpected and the unforeseeable is what gives some of its relish to life, and saves us from falling into the mechanic thraldom of the logicians.” -Winston Churchill

Unlike logical, concrete thinkers, a Romantic realizes that often the answers to life are not black or white. Rather there is a lot of gray which means there are a million options for how one’s life journey can unfold. Understanding this reality is perhaps initially unsettling, but when studied further, a reason to sigh a breath of relief. Why?

If you only accept there are two answers to how any event will turn out in your life – black or white – then if the outcome you wish to happen doesn’t work, you’re devastated.  But if you know that shades of gray exist, that you will be able to attend the school you want just maybe not when you had planned or he is interested, but wasn’t able to respond promptly when you texted because her phone’s battery was dead, then you have reason to remain hopeful.

The only reason black and white came to be accepted as the norm is because it is a simple way of explaining life, but who said life and how it proceeds and unfolds was ever simple?

2. Establish More Security & Success

If you are indeed a Romantic, similar to Winston Churchill, you are grounded in the realities of now and what has happened in the past. Also, you are logical just enough to have common sense, knowing how to navigate the realities of today’s world – money must be in your account in order to withdraw it, speed limits must be obeyed, taxes must be paid, etc. However, you also pay attention, deeply so, to your intuition.

Take for example the stock market, if you are a savvy, in the know investor, you know that a capitalist economy ebbs and rises, and as such, when it ebbs and you have money, you know this is a savvy time to invest in the right venture. Logically, such a decision may not make sense on the surface, but due to a historical understanding of the market, a proper education of economics, this could lead to a very successful financial portfolio over the long haul.

In other words, knowing the history, the whys and hows, being properly informed and educated is crucial as you will then know which risks to take and which to ignore. And when you can trust your intuition to help you make a decision, you can avoid much unnecessary heartbreak.

3. More Fulfillment

As a Romantic, you are not ignoring what has come before. Quite the opposite. A Romantic is acknowledging the past and insisting it can be done better and bravely moves forward even when their our doubters, perhaps a crowd of doubters. Jane Austen boldly and successfully penned six novels that while adhering in many respects to the social norms of propriety, allowed her protagonists to defy triumphantly what was expected of them in order to achieve a most fulfilling personal life.

In other words, to be a Romantic you must know the rules before you can break them. You must have a reason for breaking them, an explanation of why they can no longer be an effective means to the goal they were initially meant to reach. To simply break a rule because it exists is by definition an immature and childish act. To break a rule that no longer serves its purpose is progress.

4. Design the Life of Your Dreams

A Romantic envisions what hasn’t been done and believes they can do it. A Romantic isn’t limited by the possibilities that exist and rather chooses to explore and experiment with life. And in so doing often experiences moments, people and feelings that no one ever before would have been able to explain to them.

As an adult you have the ability to acquire the independence, are given the freedom by law and the power should you choose to use it, to cultivate the life of your dreams. Now get busy doing just that. The best life you desire is possible if you have the courage to seek it.

5. Remain Youthful

A Romantic doesn’t accept that life as one grows older must be a certain way. Rather a Romantic is constantly questioning, exploring, in other words they are perpetually curious. And if one is perpetually curious, as I’ve spoke about in previous posts, we are constantly learning something. And if we are constantly learning, our mind is being exercised and thus staving off dementia and more importantly defying that life can ever be boring.

After all, to watch a baby explore and discover new anything is to see their face light up with wonder and sincere excitement which then provokes them to seek more and do more. Doing and exploring is living and living well. To live afraid, to live cautiously is to regress and unnecessarily allows ourselves to fall out of love with life.

6. Reach Your Full Potential

A Romantic is someone who dares to step inside themselves, listen and acknowledge what is being said. What calls you, what makes you want to dance? What tickles your curiosities, what causes you to lose all track of time? Why aren’t you pursuing each and every one of these activities?

Yes, society may expect one thing from you, and if that is in alignment with what speaks to you, what pulls at your passionate heart, by all means go forth, but if it doesn’t, you must let go of tradition and dance to your own music. You must step “out of line” and live your life so that you can offer your talents to the world, to those you love and most importantly to yourself so that you can go to bed each night at peace.

The best life you can live must be lived intentionally. It must be lived mindfully aware of why you are doing what you are doing. However, in living mindfully, you are also letting life unfold as it will. No you are not just going along, but once you being rolling in the direction you desire, it does mean you let go of the wheel so to speak  and see what will happen.

This is scary because we don’t know what life will offer us. And I use the word offer because it is up to use to seize the opportunities when they present themselves. They may not be what we had expected (thus the black vs. white), indeed they most likely will be gray, but so what if they don’t look like we had imagined. Embrace life, explore life and see what magic can occur. You may not be able to predict it, and that may be the greatest gift of all.

~CORRECTION: In the podcast taping, the centuries were misspoken. The Romantic period, as mentioned above, occurred during the late 18th century and through the mid-19th century.

~SIMILAR POSTS FROM THE ARCHIVES YOU MIGHT ENJOY:

~6 Ways to Find Your Authentic Life Path

~8 Ways to Be More  Courageous

~How to Make Your Own History

Petit Plaisir:

Diptyque Candles

My favorites:

~Diptyque Feuille de Lavande candle 

~Diptyque Santal (sandalwood) candle

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