Stephen Kuhn's Blog, page 43

Weekly Web (W)roundup

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.

Philip Yancey: The Benefits of Brokenness

“It occurred to me that what recovering alcoholics confess every day—personal failure, and the daily need for grace and help from friends and a Higher Power—represent high hurdles for those of us who take pride in our independence and self-sufficiency.”

John Eldredge: It’s Not What You Think It Is

“If you’ve watched any sports television in the last few months—the Super Bowl, or twenty minutes of March Madness—you’ve seen at least one of the commercials for Game of War. You saw the buxom blonde bombshell striding or galloping on horseback through battlefields, urging and taunting timid soldiers on to great and daring feats. Challenging rulers to rule, or be forgotten. Calling boys to be men.”

Desiring God: 10 Questions on Dating with Matt Chandler

“We get a lot of questions from young Christian men and women who are not yet married. Their season of life awakens many desires and hopes, uncertainties and insecurities, and tricky pastoral questions.”

Jason Gray: Remind Me Who I Am

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You are a Temple of the Holy Spirit

Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? (1 Corinthians 6:19)

Did you know there is a difference between the laws of the Old Testament and the commissions of the New Testament epistles?

The laws of the Old Testament are telling us, “You must do this or else there will be punishment.” The commissions of the New Testament are telling us, “Because of the power of Christ within you, this is how you get to act now.”

See the difference?

The New Testament isn’t a bunch of additional rules and commands telling us how to live a good life for Jesus. It’s telling us who we are now that we are in Christ. The New Testament is telling us what it will look like when we let Jesus live His life through us.

Any time you find what appears to be a command in the New Testament epistles, look for an “in Christ” statement nearby. I’ve found it’s always close by. For example, look at the following verse from Paul’s letter to the church in Corinth:

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body (1 Corinthians 6:18).

How many times have you read that as a command telling you to resist sexual temptation by your own power…or else? But look at the two verses immediately following:

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies (1 Corinthians 6:19–20).

Paul knew the church in Corinth hadn’t fallen back into sexual immorality because they were too weak to resist temptation. It was because they had forgotten who they were in Christ. They forgot they had the power of the Holy Spirit living within them.

Instead of telling them to shape up and knock off their bad behavior, Paul simply reminds them to remember who they are now that they are in Christ.

Likewise, if you are struggling with sexual immorality, it’s not because you are still a slave to sin, it’s because you have forgotten who you are in Christ. If you can remember that the Holy Spirit now lives within you, you can rely on Him to give you the power to honor God with your body.

This has been a repost from the archives.

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Will Using a Filter Set Me Free?

I can still remember the excitement I felt when I installed my first internet filter more than 10 years ago. I was sure I’d found the solution to my struggles with pornography. I had blocked porn at its source so now, even if I wanted to find it, I wouldn’t be able to. I was finally going to be free.

The filter worked perfectly… for a day or two. Until I realized how easily I could find ways to get around it. I’d always patch these holes as soon as I regained clarity of mind, thinking I would become free once again. But then I just would find another loophole… or buy a magazine… or go to a preview booth…

Clearly the filter was not my answer to freedom.

Over the years that I’ve been in recovery ministry, I’ve noticed how most people think of internet filters much like fences. They believe (as I did) that installing one on their computer or phone will create a boundary that not only keeps the bad stuff out, but ideally keeps them (or whomever they are trying to protect) safely contained from wandering into areas they don’t want to go.

The problem with that view though, is any fence you put up around your devices will inevitably have the potential for holes. And—as I knew full well from my own struggles with porn—if an addict wants to find one of these loopholes badly enough, he will find one.

This insatiable drive within an addict to get around the filter illustrates the reason why a filter alone can never set you free…

Read the rest of this article on xxxChurch.com

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My One Thing: Paul Robinson

“What’s the one piece of advice you would give

to someone struggling with porn addiction?”

Paul Robinson is an x3groups Zone Leader and xxxChurch.com blogger.

Connect with Paul:

Blog: www.paulrobinsonwrites.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/paulrobinsonwrites

Twitter: @paulrobinson33

Transcript:

Steve: Hey guys! I’m here with Paul Robinson. He’s an x3groups Zone Leader and a blogger over at xxxChurch.com. And Paul what’s the one piece of advice that you would give to somebody struggling with pornography addiction?

Paul: That’s a really good question. I think there’s lots and lots of things you can do if you’re addicted to porn. I think it’s really probably a combination of different things, but I think the one thing, and I’m speaking a lot from experience here myself that’s really helped me, is just being able to get to the kind of the root of the issue behind addiction, something like…stuff like accountability, stuff like that is really helpful for me. But I think ultimately what really bought me to freedom was kind of understanding the stuff from my past all the way to my present where it was kind of shaping how I saw myself, how I saw other people, and ultimately why that led me to look at porn and become addicted. I think my piece of advice would be to find people who are experienced with dealing with that kind of stuff, professionals who are experts of that and really help us kind of unpack a lot of that stuff most of us deal with from day-to-day. I think that takes a lot of time, a lot of effort. It’s not an easy fix, by any means. But I think it’s one of those things that when we do it right, when we do it well enough and commit to it, a real freedom is found.

Steve: Cool! Thanks for sharing that advice. Tell people where they can find you online.

Paul: Yeah. You can find me at my blog, which is paulrobinsonwrites.com and my Twitter handle is @paulrobinson33. Those are probably the best venues to find me.

Steve: Okay. Well thanks for your time. Thanks for sharing that with the audience here and good luck with your ministry.

Paul: Yeah no problem. Thanks Stephen.

Steve: Thank you.

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Smart Quote: Beautiful Eulogy

Thoughts on this quote? Feel free to discuss them in the comments below.

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The 2 Questions You Need to Ask about your Accountability Group

My first experience with an accountability group was over 20 years ago in my middle-school youth group. Three of us guys would get together with the youth pastor for a weekly “check-in.” Typically, my end of the conversation would go something like this:

“I had a decent week. Maybe I looked down that girl’s shirt a little longer than I should have, but it was really nothing. I’m fine. It’s all good. Let’s go play Nintendo.”

In retrospect, I can see now what we were calling an accountability group was really nothing more than a handful of guys going through a pre-planned script so we could check another item off our spiritual to-do list for the week.

We wanted to get through the boring accountability part as quickly as possible and then move on to what we we’re really there for: MarioKart.

I have a feeling my middle-school experience probably wasn’t that far off from what many of you picture when you hear the term “accountability group.” And if I’m correct in that assumption, then it’s probably safe to say most of you aren’t all that passionate about the thought of being in accountability group at all.

To be honest, I wouldn’t be excited about a group like that either.

But what if that’s not actually what an accountability group is supposed to look like?

What if there’s a deeper, more meaningful, and significantly more beneficial model of accountability available to us?

I believe there is, and it’s found in the teachings of Jesus.

Instead of a mindless routine, your group can become a life-giving time of healing and connection, but in order to experience this type of group, you will need to consider the following questions:

Read the rest of this article on xxxChurch.com

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You are United with the Lord and are One with Him in Spirit

But the person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him (1 Corinthians 6:17).

When I read about being one with the Lord in Spirit, I immediately think back to the earthly example of this that God gives us all the way back in the Garden of Eden:

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh (Genesis 2:24).

Yes, part of what this verse is talking about is the sexual union between a husband and wife, but it actually goes much, much deeper than that. As we see later when Jesus quotes this verse in his response to the Pharisees, this union is the literal joining together of two individuals by God.

Two separate persons becoming one in spirit.

As I write this, it’s been just over a week since my wedding. Needless to say, this idea of “two becoming one” has been on my mind a lot lately.

For the past year or so, I’ve been falling more and more in love with the woman who has now become my wife. During that time, I desired to learn everything I could about her, discover what makes her happy, and learn to avoid doing anything that might make her question why she keeps hanging out with me. I wanted to be with her as much as I could. Even if we were doing nothing together, at least we were together.

As great as this was, at the end of each day she would go back to her house or I would go back to mine, we deposited our paychecks into separate accounts, and we didn’t even have the same last name.

We were together, but we had not yet become one.

Today, however, thanks to the covenant of marriage, we are one. We now share the same house, the same bank account, and the same last name. Deeper than that though, our souls have been joined together by God. We have become one in spirit.

Yes, we are still two distinct individuals, but from here out, we will always be one entity: “The Kuhn’s.”

The same is true with you and Jesus.

There may have been a period before you trusted Christ when you we’re intersted in finding out more about Him—a time when you wished to discover if He truly was who He said He was.

Or perhaps you spent many years trying to impress Him with behavior and sacrifices in order to feel closer to Him (That was my story).

If you’ve never made the commitment of trusting Him as your savior though, you’ve only been courting Him. You’re still going home to separate houses each night.

If, however, you have trusted Jesus with your life, then you’ve already become one with Him in Spirit.

Your eternity has been fully aligned with His eternity.

Your debts were completely satisfied when He added His signature to your spiritual bank account.

Even your heavenly name has been changed to reflect who you are now that you’re in permanent union with Christ.

Everything changed for me the moment I pledged myself to my wife on our wedding day and the two of us became one in God’s eyes. As wonderful as this has been for us though, it is nothing compared to the eternal union we’ve received with our Lord and Savior.

And being able to know that we’ve been made one in spirit with the Lord, well, that is truly something worth celebrating.

This has been a repost from the archives.

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Get your free copy of 10 Lies Men Believe about Porn!

I just received a generous donation to my ministry and was asked to use it to give away 250 copies of my book, 10 Lies Men Believe about Porn, for free.

All you need to do is go to my online store and use the code 10LIESFREE. That will save you $14.99 on your order, which is the full cost of the book.

Unfortunately, I am not able to offer  international shipping at this time, so this offer is only good in the US.

If you have any questions, feel free to let me know. —Stephen

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My One Thing: Michael Cusick

“What’s the one piece of advice you would give

to someone struggling with porn addiction?”

Michael John Cusick is the founder and president of Restoring the Soul, and author of one of my favorite books on recovery, “Surfing for God.”

Connect with Michael:

http://restoringthesoul.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/michaeljohncusick

Twitter: @michaeljcusick

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/MichaelJohnCusick

Transcript:

Steve: Hey guys! Steve Kuhn here with Belt of Truth Ministries. I’m excited to have Michael John Cusick on the line. Michael’s the founder and president of Restoring the Soul and author of one of my favorite books on recovery, Surfing for God. When I was halfway done writing my book, I came across Michael’s and for a second there I thought “hey I don’t have to write my book now because Michael’s already said everything that need to be said.” It’s a great book. I highly recommend it. With that foundation set, as you can probably tell I’m pretty excited to be on the line here and to ask you the question Michael, what’s the one piece of advice that you would give to someone struggling with porn addiction?

Michael: Other than read your book because you wrote your book in your own unique voice and even though we both have a passion for the heart and getting down to the heart of the issue, your voice is an important voice in all the books that are out there, so I’m glad that you wrote it. The one piece of advice is really what this problem is not about. It’s not do this or don’t do that, but rather it’s a way of thinking about how to frame the problem. To the one thing is that struggles with lust and pornography and sexual addiction and acting out sexually, habitual sexual sin and enslavement, they’re simply not about sex. As I say that in a number of ways and I’ve said that for 20 years all over the world, I’m always surprised to how surprise guys are by that idea that it’s not about sex. Really? What that means is it’s not about the physical release or the orgasm, it’s not about the size of the woman’s body parts or how hot she is, or it’s not about the new image that you capture. It’s really about something deeper. It’s about a deep spiritual hunger. The first thing is I’d want to point guys to Proverbs 27:7 where it says…I memorized this a long time ago but I’m going to use my cheat sheet and I’ll tell you that upfront as opposed to trying not to look; “he who is full loads honey but to one who is hungry, even what is bitter tastes sweet.” This has everything to do with deep hunger and desire in our heart and that desire is not unholy or bad, rather it’s just desire. It’s just is. It’s the engine that drives our heart for God. It’s what we do with that desire.

The second thing is that with that deep hunger in our heart, God created us for connection and for attachment. And when we take our desire to connect, our desire for intimacy, our desire for attention, affection, affirmation, all that good stuff, when we take that desire to something or some person or some substance or an image, like pornography, and we give our heart to it, we attach to it. And the reason for that is God made us that way. So attachments to God and all of his good gifts are things that we’re meant to experience. But when it’s something that’s not God and one of his good gifts, i.e. something that is bitter even though it tastes sweet because we’re hungry, what happens is we become attached to it and then we can’t break free. And there are emotional and psychological attachments. There are neurological attachments. And there are, as you know because you emphasize warfare a lot as I did in my book, there are spiritual attachments and strongholds. And to undo those, we don’t try to undo those attachments and satisfy that deep hunger by trying harder, but we ultimately need to learn to rest in Christ. I think both the hardest commandment in the bible to obey and the one that’s most relevant for recovery from sexual sin is Psalm 46:10, “be still and know that I’m God.” For me that’s actually the hardest commandment to obey. I’ll often ask men “what’s the hardest commandment for you to obey?” And if you’re in a conversation with guys about sexual struggle and sexual sin, it always comes up “don’t look at a woman lustfully” or it’s one of the passages in the vice list in Paul’s writings or something. And people need to think outside of the passages about sex and to this deeper hunger.

It’s not about sex. It is about a deeper hunger. It’s about attachments at the soul level where our desires get misdirected. What then it needs to become about is about learning to rest deeply in Christ where we’re actually beginning to feed our soul from the tree of life and not just at the tree of knowledge, of good and evil.

And then finally to connect with other men in community. I know that’s 4 separate things. It’s about hunger. It’s about soul attachments, that we need to learn to rest in Christ and that we need to be connected with other men in community, but those are all A, B, C, and D under the #1 thing of it’s not about sex.

Steve: I think that’s excellent advice. Thank you so much for sharing that with us, Michael.

Michael: My pleasure.

Steve: Tell people where they can find out more about you and your books and ministry and all that.

Michael: My ministry website is restoringthesoul.com. It’s soul not sole. That’s a shoe repair shop; restoringthesoul.com and then michaeljohncusick.com. You can find out about our resources, our programs, etc. at either of those websites.

Steve: Okay. And we’ll be sure to have all those links in the show notes below. Thanks again for your time, Michael. Thank you for your ministry. I know your book has been very helpful in my life and I know in a lot of other lives as well. Thank you again for that and for your time.

Michael: You’re welcome. Thank you. Take care Stephen.

Steve: See you Michael.

 

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Smart Quote: A.W. Tozer

Thoughts on this quote? Feel free to discuss them in the comments below.

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