Stephen Kuhn's Blog, page 46

Smart Quote: Dallas Willard

Thoughts on this quote? Feel free to discuss them in the comments below.

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The “One Thing” You Need to Know to Get Free from Porn Addiction

If you’ve seen the movie City Slickers, you will no doubt remember the scene where Curly, the old weathered trail boss, is talking to Mitch, a fresh-off-the-bus city boy wondering what the heck he’s doing on the back of a horse out in the middle of nowhere.

Curly looks over to Mitch and asks him: “Do you know what the secret of life is?” He immediately holds up his index finger. “One thing. Just one thing. You stick to that and the rest don’t mean $h!%.”

Mitch proceeds to ask him the obvious question: “So, what’s the ‘One Thing?'”

“That,” Curly responds, “Is what you have to find out.”

When it comes to finding freedom from porn addiction, we often approach it the same way. We look for an easy answer—a one-size-fits-all solution—that will work for everyone, every time, without fail.

We want to know the “One Thing,” but that’s typically not the way God works.

Just look at the way Jesus healed the various blind men He encountered throughout the Gospels:

Jesus spat in the mud and rubbed it in the eyes of one man ( John 9 ).
He placed His hands on two men and they were instantly healed ( Matthew 9:27-34 ).
He put His hands on a different man, but this man’s healing took place in stages rather than all at once ( Mark 8:22-26 ).

There doesn’t seem to be any consistent pattern.

Why doesn’t God give us a step-by-step path to follow? 

If you’re looking for “one step” to freedom, “one behavior” you need to change, or “one thing” you need to do to stop looking at porn, you simply won’t find that in the Bible.

I don’t think this is because God is holding out on us though. I believe it’s because God is more interested in your heart than in your actions (Tweet this!).

David understood this heart-focus when He wrote about his “One Thing”:

The one thing I ask of the Lord—

the thing I seek most—

is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,

delighting in the Lord’s perfections

and meditating in his Temple.

(Psalm 27:4)

The “One Thing” that mattered most in David’s life was to seek after the Lord, spending time meditating on His goodness, love, mercy, and grace. David knew the closer he drew to Jesus, the less he would desire sin (Tweet this!).

That was David’s “One Thing.” Perhaps it should be our “One Thing” as well.

What’s your “One Thing”?

Once you begin with the foundational first step of trusting the Lord enough to draw near to Him, the path to freedom will be different for everyone. God takes each one of us on our own unique journey so we will recognize our need to stay near to Him. Like a loving, less crotchety version of Curly, God wants us to follow Him closely on this cattle drive we call life.

But what are those next steps?

Often times, even though the steps are unique to everyone, they will be similar for many. That’s why I reached out a bunch of folks who’ve been walking this road of recovery for a long time and asked them all one simple question:

“What’s the one piece of advice you would give to someone struggling with porn addiction.”

I asked men and women, pastors and parents, people with huge influence, and some folks you’ve probably never even heard of before. Every one of their answers was unique, although you’ll hear some consistent themes throughout many of them.

As you watch these videos, I encourage you to not only listen to their advice, but to follow the links to their various ministries as well. Most of these folks offer tremendous content and resources that will be helpful to you as you walk down your own road to freedom.

I will be posting these videos every Wednesday for the next few months. Once a video is posted, the link to its page will become active. If you prefer not to keep checking back here, simply subscribe to the blog and you will be notified as soon as each new video goes live.

Randal Ajimine

Randal runs the web-based ministry, churchandsex.com and is also involved with the organization Thank God for Sex

Pastor Bob Beeman

Founder of Sanctuary International and host of Pastor Bob Daily

Michael John Cusick

Founder and President of Restoring the Soul, author of Surfing for God

Jonathan Daugherty

Founder and director of Be Broken Ministries

Matt Dobschuetz

Host of the Pornfree Radio podcast.

Jeff Fisher

Founder of Porn to Purity and host of the Top Tips For Sexual Purity podcast

John Fort

Program coordinator for Pure Life Alliance and director of Pure Community for Be Broken Ministries

Craig Gross

Founder of xxxChurch.com

Rick Kardos

Executive director and co-founder of the Nathan Project

Dr. Mark Laaser

Director of Faithful and True and author of Healing The Wounds of Sexual Addiction

Luke Norseworthy

Pastor of Venture Community Church and host of the Newsworthy with Norsworthy Podcast

Adam Palmer

Pastor and co-author of the book “Go Small” with Craig Gross

Paul Robinson

X3Groups zone leader and blogger

Russ Shaw

Host of the ASI247: Attitudes of Sexual Integrity podcast

Seth Taylor

Blogger at xxxchurch.com and author of Feels Like Redemption

Carl Thomas

Outreach pastor and network director for X3Groups

Shellie R. Warren

Writer/Author/Marriage Life Coach/Doula

Michael Todd Wilson

Licensed professional counselor, sex therapist, and recovery coach

David Zailer

Director of Operation Integrity

The post The “One Thing” You Need to Know to Get Free from Porn Addiction appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Weekly Web (W)roundup

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.

The Blazing Center: Why Does God Let Me Stay So Weak?

“Why does God let us stay so weak at times? Why is it so hard to put sin to death? Why do we struggle and fail so much? Why are we so often weak in our faith?”

Pyromaniacs: Not Doggerel

“God guided the minister that day; the word came with power, and that man wept till he found the Saviour. Never give up your husbands, good women, for the Lord may even use a dog to bring them to Christ when you are dead and gone.”

Storyline: What’s the One Thing You’re Hiding?

“Honestly, I knew it would never be a big deal to her, but it was to me. I’m not talking about the truth I was withholding, I’m talking about the fact that I was withholding it in the first place. The thing I needed to tell her would make me look weak, and I hate looking weak around my wife. It wasn’t about sex or sin or anything like that, just something that was embarrassing to me.”

Experimental Theology: Is Porn the Soul of America?

“Pornography is a multibillion dollar industry in America. And since the 1970s it has become increasingly more abusive, exploitative, and demeaning toward women.”

Rosaria Butterfield: Engaging Homosexual Friends with the Gospel

The post Weekly Web (W)roundup appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

You have been made right with God

Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us (Romans 5:1).

When the Apostle Paul penned this verse, he had just finished writing an entire chapter explaining how Abraham was saved by his faith, not by his good deeds.

This must have been quite shocking to the original recipients of the letter, being that many of the Christians in Rome had grown up in the Jewish tradition. They saw Abraham as the father of their religion, which was based heavily upon following the law (good deeds) to maintain a right standing with God.

But now Paul is telling them it wasn’t actually Abraham’s ability to follow the law that saved him—it was his faith. Abraham trusted God, and that’s the only reason God counted Him as righteous.

Paul may as well have said up was down and down was up.

He could have stopped there, leaving Romans 4 as an interesting biographical lesson on the life of Abraham, but thankfully Paul continued on to write the verse we’re looking at today (and likely stunning his readers even more).

Paul wanted to make sure his readers knew that all these things he just told them about Abraham are also true for everyone who’s faith has been placed in Christ.

That includes you and me today.

In the same way Abraham’s deeds had nothing to do with his righteousness, your deeds have no bearing on your righteousness either. Simply put, you can’t earn God’s acceptance through behavior.

At first glance, the idea that you could never do enough good to earn God’s acceptance sounds likes bad news, but actually it’s wonderful news.

Think of it this way. If God’s acceptance depended on your good works, how much good would you have to do to know that you’d earned it? At a minimum, you would need to do enough to compensate for your mistakes, right? And then, every time you messed up, you would have to do more good deeds to get back to baseline.

I don’t know about you, but that sounds exhausting. Plus, you would never know for sure whether you were doing enough, so you would always doubt God’s acceptance of you.

But look once again at what Paul tells us in this verse. He makes it clear that we have been made right with God by faith.

“Have been…” Past tense. It’s a done deal.

Your righteousness had nothing to do with your good works when God gave it to you (through Christ), and it still doesn’t today.

By trusting that you have already been made right with God, it will free you from the endless treadmill of trying to earn your own righteousness.

And that, my friend, will lead you to tremendous peace.

This has been a repost from the archives.

The post You have been made right with God appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Smart Quote: John Eldredge

Thoughts on this quote? Feel free to discuss them in the comments below.

The post Smart Quote: John Eldredge appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

There’s a Reason why they’re Called “Good” Works

Back in 2011, I had reached a point where my porn habit and the death of my “ministry” pushed me toward the end of my life. I swam in thoughts of adultery, murder, and suicide. I felt that all my good works, and the salvation I was clinging to, were worthless.

Photo by G MacRae, Flickr Creative Commons

But now that I’ve come to the other side of that void, I can see the incredible place God designed for good works to have in my life.

Previously, all my good works sat within a framework of attempting to compensate for a perceived disconnection from God. But connection was also the thing I feared most. Connection was dangerous. I had friends, but they all served the same selfish need: to show me that I was really chosen by God. The vulnerability of friendship was too much to handle, but as long as I could be the leader, I wouldn’t have to be vulnerable. In fact, many in ministry told me I shouldn’t be vulnerable…so I chose to pursue control instead.

I could control people. I could control porn. Control was like connecting, only on a diet: all the pleasure with none of the calories. But the more I imbibed in control, the more it ruined my ability for true vulnerability. I became entitled, especially toward my wife. The hassle of tenderness and consideration required far too much effort.

Real connection scared me to death. Real connection was a gamble (and it still is by the way). I was afraid of being known—of being seen as the lying, self-indulgent husband that I was. All my instincts told me to hide. Like the man with the legion of demons, something (or Someone) within me was drawing me to Jesus.

God was making it very clear to me: connection was my only hope for freedom. As they say, there is no way out but through.

I remember the moment when God told me that I had to be fully honest with my wife, even before I had gotten clean. My plan had always been to tell her after porn was no longer an issue, but I just couldn’t seem to manage that first step. “You might not get free if you tell her,” He said, “but you’ll never get free if you don’t.” All my fears (and all my wife’s fears) came true that first time I told her the whole truth.

The second time I told her the truth was worse…and the third time even more so. I kept waiting for her to understand me and accept me for who I was. It took far too long for me to understand how much I was killing her with every glance… every click… every visual pause. But eventually I came to realize this was more than just a small glitch in my character.

There were other stages to my salvation to be sure. A pastor broke demonic holds on me. A friend gave me some bold words of rebuke. I read books and prayed prayers. These all helped in ways large and small. And now, I can honestly say that I walk in the light. But more than that, I walk without the nagging fear that I’m not enough, or that I have to overcome my failures by doing enough good works to compensate. As I’ve said before, I no longer strive to be a better man.

The result of all of this is that now my good works actually feel good. I’m not trying to build my church, please anyone, or prove anything. I’m also not waiting for Jesus to tell me I’m good enough. I know that I’m not—at least not on my own—and I’m okay with that. I’m simply doing the good works He has set for me to do—and that is enough.

Eric Lidell, the Christian runner depicted in the movie Chariots of Fire, said that when he runs, he feels the Lord’s pleasure. That used to seem so foreign to me. But now that God has rescued me from the dominion of darkness, I can honestly feel the Lord’s pleasure in my life. I feel it when I tuck my sons into bed, or play my guitar at church. I feel it when I’m patient with my wife, or when I share the Gospel with a friend.

And because I experience His pleasure, I no longer feel the need to give unhealthy doses of my time to church functions.

I no longer hope that someone will ask me to speak in front of the congregation.

I’m finally able to connect with people without selfish motives.

And, best of all, I’m no longer driven by the need to be in control.

I now see my good works as good simply because they’re what God has called me to do—not because I need them to prove anything to myself or to others.

And having that perspective feels pretty darn good.

Luke Zedwick worked for 11 years as a math teacher, church elder, and an occasionally paid minister of the Gospel of Jesus of Nazareth. He’s spent the last few years as a school principal, husband & dad, and Bible teacher in his local church home group.

If you would like to contact Luke, you can reach him here.

The post There’s a Reason why they’re Called “Good” Works appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Thanks to a generous donor, I’m able to give away 250 copies of 10 Lies Men Believe about Porn for free!

I just received a generous donation to my ministry and was asked to use it to give away 250 copies of my book, 10 Lies Men Believe about Porn, for free.

All you need to do is go to my online store and use the code 10LIESFREE. That will save you $14.99 on your order, which is the cost of the book.

Unfortunately, I am not able to offer  international shipping at this time, so this offer is only good in the US.

If you have any questions, feel free to let me know. —Stephen

The post Thanks to a generous donor, I’m able to give away 250 copies of 10 Lies Men Believe about Porn for free! appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Weekly Web (W)roundup

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.

Paul Tripp: 23 Things That Love Is

“With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, here’s a gospel-centered reminder about how to love. But, you don’t have to be romantically in love to find this list practical. Every healthy relationship requires love and sacrifice, so if you’re a parent, child, sibling, neighbor, pastor, or co-worker, this list is for you.”

The Blazing Center: I Know God Loves Me, But Does He Like Me?

“When Jesus first saved me I believed God forgave my sins. Gradually I came to believe God loved me. But perhaps because of my upbringing or my own lack of affection for others I wasn’t sure God liked me. I believed he put up with me because he’d saved me, but didn’t have any sense that he delighted in me.”

The Gospel Coalition: We are Gomer

“The story of Hosea and Gomer reminds us that God loves us not because of our faithfulness, but because of his. Christ saves, and continues to intercede for, the bride who covets other men. Until we see God face-to-face, we will continue to be drawn to other things. But for now, our Husband stands and fights.”

Covenant Eyes: Singleness and Longing—Why Porn Isn’t the Cure

“As Christians, many of us know this intellectually; we’ve heard the injunctions against physical impurity all of our lives, but for those of us who are perpetually single, we feel like we’re being denied. Porn, then, becomes a stop-gap for a relationship, an attempt to find our places as sexual beings, to meet our longings.”

Christopher Yuan: Christians with Sexual Identity Questions Need the Church

The post Weekly Web (W)roundup appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

You are No Longer a Slave, You are a Friend of Jesus

I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me (John 15:15).

Deep in the American South, toward the end of the 1800s, some folks in a small town were getting ready for an event taking place that afternoon. This wasn’t a typical event like a carnival or a wedding though. No, these folks were setting up for a slave auction.

As hard as it is to look back at the reality of something as shameful as a slave auction, at this time they were still lively affairs—at least for those who were only there to observe. Many of the townsfolk would come to watch the wealthy plantation owners arrive in their fancy coaches and bid on new workers for their growing operations.

The work on these plantations was physically demanding, so the strongest and most muscular slaves would fetch top dollar.

Elijah, however, was not one of these powerful men. He was a small boy who was sure to be overlooked by the majority of the bidders. He knew before he even stepped in front of the crowd that he would likely be purchased by one of the smaller farms—if he was purchased at all.

The small farms, because of their reduced resources and income, were notorious for demanding impossible amounts of work from their slaves. Sometime, the owner could only afford one slave, and he would be isolated much of his life. Worse yet, many of these owners were known to beat their slaves violently if they couldn’t keep up with the demands.

Elijah was understandably frightened as he was forced onto the bidding stage.

The auctioneer held out his arm out towards Elijah and shouted, “Do I hear a dollar for this… this… runt of a boy?”

The crowd jeered with laughter.

“I need something to replace my mousing cat,” shouted a man in the front. “I’ll pay a dollar.”

“I need someone to clean up under my horses. He’s just the right size! I’ll pay two!” another man yelled.

As the auction progressed, the bidding climbed slowly but still remained far below the price of a typical slave. Elijah became more and more embarrassed as the crowd continued to belittle him.

He was ashamed.

He felt worthless.

The life of a slave was horrible enough, but adding public ridicule was almost too much. Elijah wished this life of torment forced upon him would somehow end.

But then, a man from the back stepped forward. “I will pay the highest price for this young man. I see value in him that none of you see, and I must have him as my own.”

Everyone, including Elijah, was shocked. But the man was indeed serious, and he took Elijah home with him that day for a sum far exceeding what anyone had expected.

As soon as they arrived at the man’s sprawling estate, Elijah asked him what his first job would be. He knew there would be nothing but endless work for him on a plantation as large as this man’s.

“No, Elijah. I did not purchase you to extend your slavery. I purchased you to set you free from your slavery. From now on, you will live not as my slave, but as my son—and as my friend.”

…

You and I may never have suffered the cruel fate of slavery in the American south, but we all were slaves to something far more sinister.

Every one of us was born under slavery to sin (see Romans 6:17-23). And if we wanted to overcome this sin, we became slaves to the law (see Galatians 4:1-7).

We had to endlessly strive toward overcoming our sin and reaching a point of perfection—a job that none of us could ever fulfill. We were like the young Elijah, unequipped for the demands forced on us.

We faced a future without any hope of freedom.

Thankfully though, God loves you far too much to leave you hopeless. He bought your freedom, knowing that you would never be able to pay for your own release from slavery. He paid your ransom—at the unthinkable cost of His Son’s blood—to purchase back the right to your soul for eternity.

Now, because you are set free in Christ, you are no longer a slave.

You are no longer chained to the impossible yoke of a cruel taskmaster.

You are God’s friend, and He has set you free.

This has been a repost from the archives.

The post You are No Longer a Slave, You are a Friend of Jesus appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Smart Quote: J.R. Miller

Thoughts on this quote? Feel free to discuss them in the comments below.

The post Smart Quote: J.R. Miller appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.