Stephen Kuhn's Blog, page 42

Weekly Web (W)roundup

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.

Relevant: Churches Need to Stop Avoiding Talking About Sexual Abuse

“There’s freedom and healing in being able to share our stories—even stories that are difficult. Churches should be places that foster this kind of openness, not places of judgment that make victims feel like they can’t be vulnerable and honest about their pasts.”

Christianity Today: Why “Don’t Do It” Doesn’t Work

“In addition to emphasizing the ‘Don’ts’ of sexuality, we have often focused on the potential pitfalls: unplanned pregnancies, potential diseases, emotional and psychological trauma, and the likelihood that someone who has sex outside of marriage is less likely to remain faithful in a marriage. These potential consequences are real, but they’re heard by young people as mere scare tactics to keep them in line.”

Dale Ryan: If your god is not God, fire him

“There is a difference—sometimes an enormous difference—between the God of our doctrinal statements and the god we live with every day. Our theological convictions may be thoroughly orthodox, but we may actually serve a god who is quick to anger and slow to forgive. Or a god who shames his followers. Or a god who is punitive and rejecting.”

DesiringGod: The Dead End of Sexual Sin

“Conversion brought with it a train wreck of contradictory feelings, ranging from liberty to shame. Conversion also left me confused. While it was clear that God forbade sex outside of biblical marriage, it was not clear to me what I should do with the complex matrix of desires and attractions, sensibilities and senses of self that churned within and still defined me.”

xxxChurch: Brittni’s Story about the Bible

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Your Value Has Been Confirmed by God

God bought you with a high price… (1 Corinthians 6:20)

I’m not typically one to get excited about reality TV, but I’ll admit I can watch Pawn Stars for hours. There’s just something fascinating about seeing the random stuff people bring in, and even more so seeing them haggle about what it’s worth.

For example, one guy brought in a box full of sunken treasure. Full-on rupees that had rusted together after being at the bottom of the sea for a hundred years or so. As it turns out, they were authentic and (supposedly) worth over $700k.

Or, on the other end of the spectrum, one kid brought in a pair of 20-year-old Air Jordan shoes in mint condition expecting to get a few hundred bucks out of them. After a bit of investigation they ended up being rerelease throwbacks from 2009. Final value: $75 – about $50 less than what they retailed for originally.

That’s what makes this show so much fun though, the fact that you never know who’s going to come through the door and what they’re going to have to sell. Even the people bringing things in often have no idea what it’s actually worth.

Now, imagine if someone brought you in as their item to sell at the pawn shop. How would that conversation go? For me, I expect it would go something like this:

Seller: I’ve got a standard issue Oregonian, native, probably made sometime around the early-80s. He’s in decent shape other than starting to show some wear spots on the top of his head.

Buyer: Interesting. What were you hoping to get from him?

Seller: I was thinking $200.

Buyer: I don’t know man. We see a lot of these. Plus, look here: he’s clearly got some issues. I see signs of some messed-up junk in his past so there’s probably some baggage from that. And see that…the guy has some lingering issues with selfishness and pride. You’d think by this age those would have worn off of him but apparently not this guy. The best I can do is $10.

After all, isn’t that what these guys do? They point out every flaw and look for any reason they can find to haggle the price lower. They’re not interested in confirming its value, they only want to reduce how much they need to pay for it.

Aren’t you glad God doesn’t look at us that way? This verse in 1 Corinthians reminds us of how God would respond if someone offered to sell you to Him: He’d buy you without question. Not only that, He’d pay the highest price for you, fully confirming your worth and value.

How can we know that’s what He would do?

Because that’s exactly what He already did.

So the next time you feel flawed, worthless, or wonder if you even matter to God, remember how valuable you are truly are: valuable enough that God bought you from the enemy at the cost of His Son’s life.

The post Your Value Has Been Confirmed by God appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

My One Thing: Shellie R. Warren

“What’s the one piece of advice you would give

to someone struggling with porn addiction?”

Shellie R. Warren is a Writer/Author/Marriage Life Coach/Doula and an all-around awesome lady. She doesn’t do social media by design, so the best way to get ahold of her is through email.

Connect with Shellie:

Email: missnosipho@gmail.com

Blog: “On Fire” Fast Movement

 

 

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Smart Quote: Dallas Willard

Thoughts on this quote? Feel free to discuss them in the comments below.

The post Smart Quote: Dallas Willard appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Can You Still be a Christian if You Keep Struggling with Sin?

Back when I was looking at porn on a regular basis and lying about it to my wife, I knew I wasn’t right with God, but I never knew how bad it really was.

I would pray secretly to God asking Him to fix me, and I tried to reassure myself that He was forgiving and patient. But I never submitted my secret life to Him or made Him my Lord and Savior.

Ezra Wolf, Flickr Creative Commons

In reality, pornography was my god, and I was trying to be my own savior. I was attempting to please God through my hard work, but I still believed deep down I could fix myself. In my honest moments, filled with remorse, I wondered whether I was a Christian at all. I now believe that was the Holy Spirit speaking to me.

Don’t get me wrong; I was a churchgoer and a Bible-reader. I prayed each day and taught my children about Jesus. I was even an elder in my church for a time, and I repeatedly shared my “faith” with others.

But those things won’t save anyone.

In spite of all those things, I was still a liar. I kept committing adultery in my heart. And the Bible seems pretty clear that you can’t be any of those things and be saved at the same time (1 Corinthians 6:9–10). For that matter, you can’t even be greedy, slander people, or be a thief either.

According to that verse, I was still one of the unrighteous. So how could I have been saved?

•••

I always believed I would know God more once I got my sin under control. Now I understand how wrong that assumption was, because once I surrendered my life to the Holy God, He was the one who got my sin under control.

Now, I’m not saying you can’t be a Christian and struggle with porn (or any sin for that matter). But what I can tell you, is when God changes your heart, sinful things lose their ability to draw you in. You won’t want to go back to the same sins over and over because they will no longer satisfy your new heart. Your new heart will be drawn to God the King.

This is why the Bible follows up its earlier comment about the unrighteous not inheriting the Kingdom by reminding the Corinthian believers that they’ve been changed:

And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God (1 Corinthians 6:11).

These Christians used to be liars, thieves, and adulterers—but not anymore. Now, they are washed clean of their sin and set free by the blood of Christ. They are no longer defined as sinners! They are righteous (even though they clearly still struggled with sin).

The same becomes true of you when you meet Jesus Christ and He saves you from the power of sin. This, after all, is what he does.

If you find, however, in your most honest moments, that your deepest desire is still to sin, to fix yourself, to worship another god… then it’s imperative you consider whether you’re trusting Jesus to save you, or if your faith is still rooted in your own goodness.

Are you seeking Him with your whole heart, or are you still trying to save yourself?

•••

God came to me much like he came to Cain. He showed me that sin was crouching at my door and it wanted to have me (Genesis 4:7). And like Cain, rather than submitting to God, I slayed myself (and my wife) with my lying and my selfish lust.

Through that season though, God never stopped pursuing me out of love. This wasn’t always with soft hands and a warm embrace. At times I felt as if He was haunting me. He would convict me with Scripture and cause my spirit to become restless with the actions of my life. I realized I could never be a half-hearted but happy Christian. I could not escape His pursuit unless I surrendered to Him.

I would like to say that I eventually cried out to God, but the truth is, He came and saved me in spite of my stubborn pride. I had little to do with it.

God rescued me from my sin—and from myself.

God brought me to Himself when I insisted on looking for my own way.

The lesson to be learned from my story isn’t that God can make you into a more upright person. No, the lesson from my life is that God is the one who rescues.

Experiencing how He has released me from the slow poison of my wretched heart, to be free to love Him as my rescuer—that has become the joy of my life.

The post Can You Still be a Christian if You Keep Struggling with Sin? appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Weekly Web (W)roundup

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.

Paul Tripp: Fresh Starts

“The message of the gospel is also one of fresh starts, plural. No matter how many times we stumble, no matter how many times we rebel, no matter how many times we make the selfish choice, God’s grace gives us a fresh start. His mercies really are new every morning.”

Heath Lambert: Addressing Parenting In a Hyper-Sexualized Culture

“There are so many forces after our kids and we have no control over most of those forces. As far as ministering to our children is concerned, there are a few things my wife and I do. And I don’t think I have all this figured out, so ask me again in ten to fifteen years and maybe I’ll have something more to say.”

Jay Bauman: The Practice of Sinning

“The challenge for the Christian is that we need to not only confess our sin, but also confess our righteousness before God. This is because so often our sense of righteousness is not rooted in Christ, but in pride.”

J.A. Medders: Does Jesus Really Love Me?

“Christianity is never impersonal. This is a real, vibrant, essential relationship with Jesus himself—he is alive for you. God and Savior. Lord and Friend.”

Sermon Jam: Adopted

The post Weekly Web (W)roundup appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

You have been Cleansed, Holy, and Made Right with God

Some of you were once like that. But you were cleansed; you were made holy; you were made right with God by calling on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God (1 Corinthians 6:11).

The most important thing in life, hands down, is to figure out how to be made right with God. If your life on earth comes to an end before that is taken care of, you will be separated from Him for all eternity.

That, my friend, is bad news.

What are we to do then? Well, step one is to recognize and acknowledge this separation between you and your Creator exists. But after that, then what?

Many people reach this point and conclude they must try harder, do better, buck-up and follow the rules as best they can. Ideally, at the end of their life they will have done more good than bad (or at least more good than most other people), and therefore God will welcome them into Heaven.

This is, in essence, what all religion teaches: Be a good person and you might get to go to a better place when you die. The problem with this though, is we can’t do it. We can’t become good people, at least not on our own.

Sure, you may consider yourself to be a good person, but are you perfect? Are you holy? Because the gap that exists between man and God can only be overcome if man is somehow made holy. And man, left to his own devices, can never become holy.

God knew man couldn’t clean himself up. He knew man couldn’t overcome the separation that existed between them. Yet God loves every single one of us so much He was willing to do whatever it took to remove the separation from us—even if it cost Him the life of His son.

And it did.

When you called on the name of Christ and reached out to Him to save you, Jesus made you clean. It had nothing to do with your ability to clean yourself up, follow the rules, or become a good person.

Jesus made you Holy.

Jesus made you right with God.

It was all because of Jesus.

That, my friend, is good news.

This has been a repost from the archives.

The post You have been Cleansed, Holy, and Made Right with God appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

My One Thing: Craig Gross

“What’s the one piece of advice you would give

to someone struggling with porn addiction?”

Craig Gross is the founder and director of xxxChurch.com, and the author of multiple books including Touchy Subjects, Open, and Go Small.

Connect with Craig:

Blog: www.craiggross.com

Facebook: www.facebook.com/craiggross

Twitter: @craiggross

 

Transcript:

Steve: Hey guys! Steve here from Belt of Truth Ministries, and I got Craig Gross on the line. He’s the founder of xxxChurch.com. And Craig, thanks for joining us for the One Thing series. So I’m going to ask you the same question I’m asking everybody on this series, and that’s “What’s the one piece of advice that you would give to anybody struggling with pornography or sexual addiction?”

Craig: One thing. It’s probably the most common thing that we come across. Most people have never told anybody that they struggle with this. So we found that lot of people will tell us. They’ll write into us, they’ll post a story on our website, which is all good, but I’m talking about telling somebody close to you; not a stranger, not xxxChurch, not Stephen. The first step is to find somebody close to you – your spouse, your best friend, your pastor – somebody close to you that cares enough about you to keep the conversation going. That’s going to be key, I think. It’s not going to solve all your problems but it’s going to be a great starting point. That’s why we created X3watch, not because we’re software geeks, but could we create something that would enable conversation amongst people. That’s what it’s all about. That’s my one thing.

Steve: Cool, thanks Craig.

Craig: Yeah, thanks man.

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Smart Quote: Dan B. Allender

Thoughts on this quote? Feel free to discuss them in the comments below.

The post Smart Quote: Dan B. Allender appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

My 2-part Interview with Jonathan Daugherty on Pure Sex Radio

I had the honor of being a guest on the Pure Sex Radio show with Jonathan Daugherty last week. We touched on some interesting topics that I think will be helpful and relevant for Belt of Truth readers:

Why it can be so damaging to approach confessing to your spouse in steps rather than making a full-disclosure at once
How the worst moment of my life was also one of the best
How my motives for showing up to a recovery group the first time were totally wrong, yet God still used the group to change my life

You can listen to the interview here:

Episode 1
Episode 2 

If you’ve got any questions or comments related to the show, just hit me up in the comments below.

The post My 2-part Interview with Jonathan Daugherty on Pure Sex Radio appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.