Stephen Kuhn's Blog, page 39

Book Review: Ashamed No More

There’s a dark secret lurking behind the pulpit of many churches these days: the shocking fact that pastors and clergy are actually more likely to be struggling with compulsive sexual behaviors than those who are merely sitting in the pews each Sunday.

This statistic becomes much easier to understand once you recognize how much shame, hiddenness, and isolation contribute to these behaviors—all of which can be fueled (and sometimes even encouraged) by the demands the church places upon their leaders today.

Tom Ryan was one of those pastors whose life behind closed doors was very different from what he allowed his congregation to see on Sunday mornings. In his book, Ashamed No More: A Pastor’s Journey Through Sex Addiction, Tom shares the story of not only his downfall, but also the ways in which God has restored his life and brought him to a place of freedom and influence beyond what he previously imagined possible.

Tom’s writing style reminds me quite a bit of Brennan Manning’s, in the sense that I often found myself reading a paragraph multiple times over due to the density of information contained within. I don’t mean that as a negative at all, it just means I had a hard time reading it if I wasn’t somewhere where I could concentrate fully on the book without distraction.

I would recommend that anyone who needs a reminder that freedom truly is possible to pick up this book—especially if you’re a pastor or clergy member. I believe you will find it to be a helpful resource to stoke the fires of hope in your soul.

Purchase Ashamed No More on Amazon today!

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Highlighting My Highlights:

I’m one of those guys who can’t read a book without a highlighter in my hand, and as far as I’m concerned, it would be a shame to mark up my favorite content and never share it with you. With that in mind, here are some of my favorite quotes from Ashamed No More:

“For more than forty years, a defining and crippling characteristic of my life was a daily struggle with compulsive sexual behavior. I was a dopamine and adrenaline junky. I used my sexuality to get my “drugs.” But my problem wasn’t just sex. Anyone who is an addict and then experiences genuine recovery from addiction sooner or later learns that addictions are not our real problem. Addictions or compulsive behaviors are merely the symptoms of something deeper.”

“One of the most important things I’ve learned is that I was not and I am not alone. There are thousands of other clergy with this struggle, and hundreds of thousands of well-intentioned Christians struggle with guilt, shame, and fear—all hiding their secret lives. Can this be what Christ wants for His church? Absolutely not.”

“It might seem highly incongruous to some people that a person can be a growing, earnest Christian—especially a spiritual leader like a minister, priest, or pastor—and also struggle with compulsive sexual behaviors. For years I was sure I was the only person in my church, in my clergy associations, and among my Christian friends who did. It was startling to discover later that far more pastors struggle with compulsive sexual behaviors than don’t. How can that be?”

“Even though shame can cause us to alter our behavior, at least for a while, we are not utilizing self-control out of love for ourselves or someone else. We are “changing” to stop the pain. We don’t like how it feels to be ashamed, so we do what we can to stop the pain, but that is not a healthy motivation for changing our behavior. Why? Because we’re responding to the message “I’m a worthless person” and hoping that by behaving differently we will no longer be worthless. We can stop the pain of false guilt, we think, by performing. It’s trying to achieve a personal identity based on behavior and approval of others.”

“We want to see ourselves as people who’ve taken the forgiveness of the cross and gotten our act together; people who are worth being saved. But we’re not saved because we’re worth it. We’re saved because we’re loved.”

“Until the church once again becomes the place where people who are on the outside of society, folks who struggle with darkness in their souls and brokenness in their lives, know they are welcome, wanted, and loved just for who they are, we will continue to be one of the least significant organizations in our culture, just taking up space and wasting people’s time.”

“In thinking and speaking of ethics and morals, and especially if we want to be faithful to the spirit of the Bible, there is something very important to remember: we primarily are to use ethics and morals to address our own lives, not the loves of others.”

“I know my old wiring is still there, and I could relapse, but I work hard to partner with God so that doesn’t happen. Even if I did relapse, it wouldn’t change who God is. It wouldn’t change what He has done. And it wouldn’t change who I am to God—it wouldn’t change my identity.”

Purchase Ashamed No More on Amazon today!

The post Book Review: Ashamed No More appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Weekly Web (W)roundup

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.

xxxChurch: 8 Ways Porn Changes You

“When we as adults watch porn, do we know what context to put it in ourselves? I mean, if porn results in addiction, lack of intimacy, decreased satisfaction, desensitization and feelings of despair—why do so many of us try and tell ourselves that ‘it won’t hurt us’?”

Ponder Anew: Dear Church—An open letter from one of those millennials you can’t figure out

“A lot’s been made over the millennial generation and their religious life. Why they go to church. Why they don’t go to church. What they want. What they hate. I’m going to do something different here. I’m not going to cite Barna. I’m not going to quote Rachel Held Evans. I’m not going to link to any articles or blog posts. I’m just going to tell you what’s true for me, and what I’ve seen to be true of others like me.”

Peter Sholl: Guidance on How to be a Man

“When it comes to living the ‘right’ life of a middle-aged male, I am confused. I’m confused because, when I watch sport, the advertisements and commentators are constantly telling me who I am.”

Nick Harrison: Grace Notes

“There’s an old story about grace that goes something like this: A man dies and meets St. Peter at the gates of heaven. Peter tells the man, ‘In order to get into heaven you have to accumulate 100 points. So tell me on what basis should I allow you into heaven?’”

Jefferson Bethke: Porn and Technology

The post Weekly Web (W)roundup appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Your Sin Debt was Paid in Full by Jesus

For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ (2 Corinthians 5:21).

Imagine you receive a letter in the mail one day. As you read it, you realize you’ve been found guilty of tax evasion. Not only that, it’s been going on for years.

Because of back taxes and fines, you now owe the IRS over $500,000! Your entire net worth is pennies compared to the fine. You can barely make a dent in it, and can never, ever pay the complete fine.

In addition, the minimum prison sentence is twenty years.

You show up at the trial and realize there is substantial evidence against you. Financial records, invoices, previous tax returns—it’s all there. You have no case.

You plead with the judge, claiming it was an accident and you honestly had no idea you were doing anything wrong. He sternly reminds you that ignorance is no excuse for criminal behavior. You broke the law and now you must pay the consequence.

The gavel slams against the desk as he sentences you to the maximum prison term in addition to your fine.

As you’re being escorted out of the courtroom, however, the judge speaks up:

“Stop! You may not know this yet, but I love you more than you can fathom. I can’t bear to see you punished like this. I will have my own Son pay your fine. He will serve your sentence for you. I can transfer all of your guilt to Him, allowing you to go free as one who is forgiven and restored to righteousness. You must decide, though, if you trust Him to do this for you. Will you receive this gift of forgiveness?”

You ponder the offer for a moment. It seems too good to be true. But then again, you have no other options. You’re desperate. It’s too late for you to undo what you’ve already done.

“Yes, your Honor. I trust your Son. I need Him to save me since I will never be able to overcome my own guilt.”

Immediately, the handcuffs are taken off you and placed upon the wrists of the Son.

You are now free.

Your debt has been paid.

As the Son is escorted out of the room, you thank him with tears in your eyes. You have never felt such an overwhelming sense of relief—or gratitude.

Friends, this is not just a story. This is the gospel.

This is what Jesus did for you the moment you trusted Him: He took your guilt, trading you His righteousness in return.

This has been a repost from the archives.

The post Your Sin Debt was Paid in Full by Jesus appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

My One Thing: Tom “T.C.” Ryan

“What’s the one piece of advice you would give

to someone struggling with porn addiction?”

Tom “TC” Ryan is the author of the book Ashamed No More: A Pastor’s Journey through Sex Addiction.

Connect with Tom:

Website: tc-ryan.com

Facebook: www.facebook.com/pages/T-C-Ryan

 

Check out all the “One Thing” video interviews here.

Transcript

The post My One Thing: Tom “T.C.” Ryan appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Smart Quote: Bob Goff

Thoughts on this quote? Feel free to discuss them in the comments below.

The post Smart Quote: Bob Goff appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

And the Winner Is…

Last month, I asked all of you to vote for your favorite cover design for my next book, DONE: 52 Amazing Things that Became True of You the Moment You Trusted Christ.

Much to my surprise, the results weren’t even close. What I thought would be a close race ended up looking like 2014 Seattle/Denver Super Bowl—total domination. And, just like that game, I’m happy to say that my favorite team cover won in a landslide victory.

As of today, I’m planning for a Saturday, August 1st release date, which means the August Belt of Truth Newsletter should have a link for your free download!

If you aren’t currently signed up to receive our newsletter, you can do that here. (All the cool kids are signed up. And you want to be one of the cool kids, right?)

Also, if you’re interested in being a part of the early review team (which means you’ll get the book even sooner), please email me and let me know so I can get you the info on that.

Thank you again to all of you who voted last month. Even if your favorite cover didn’t win, I still believe you will enjoy the book. Then again, I may be slightly biased.

The post And the Winner Is… appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Weekly Web (W)roundup

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.

Mary DeMuth: Josh Duggar and the Problem of Easy Forgiving

“When I saw the news yesterday about Josh Duggar, his subsequent confession and decision to leave the Family Research Council over it, my heart hurt. Not because I was surprised. But because this kind of pattern is all too familiar.”

xxxChurch: Quitting Porn #101 – You Gotta Want It

“When I was struggling with pornography and in the early stages of sobriety I’ll be completely honest. The idea of never looking at porn again kinda freaked me out. I mean, life without porn? I couldn’t even remember what that looked like. You see … it wasn’t even so much a lack of faith or belief that I could do it. It was being 100% certain I actually wanted to do it.”

Wm. Paul Young: If Anything Matters Then Everything Matters

“I believe things matter. I believe that we matter. I believe that you matter. I believe that God, as revealed as Jesus, is what defines us all, that that is life.”

NACR: When My Life Was At It’s Worst, I Looked the Best

“It has taken me years of hard work in Christian recovery to get past my decades of focus on externals. It turns out that there is much more to who I am than either external looking good or internal shame. It turns out there is a precious child of God inside. A child who is very much loved by God.”

Josh & Suzy Stoll: Repentant Love

The post Weekly Web (W)roundup appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

You Have Become an Ambassador of Reconciliation

For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation. So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!” (2 Corinthians 5:19-20)

What if I told you God didn’t just save you from something, He saved you to something?

You see, God’s purpose for sending Christ to die for you goes much deeper than merely saving you from death. His plan has always been to recruit this new version of you as a fully-alive, redeemed, hope-filled messenger of reconciliation to those who remain lost.

In other words, God has called you to be His ambassador.

According to dictionary.com, an ambassador is “a diplomatic official of the highest rank, sent by one sovereign or state to another as its resident representative.” In plain english: an ambassador is a messenger sent from one Kingdom to another. And not just any messenger, but one who has been trusted by the highest ranks with the most important and sensitive information. If you’re negotiating on behalf of the President with a foreign dignitary, you probably aren’t going to do it through email. You would send an ambassador to talk with him or her face-to-face.

Furthermore, you would want to make sure the person you sent as your ambassador understood the local customs, spoke the language, and ideally had an established relationship with whomever you were sending them to communicate with. This is why official US Ambassadors typically live within the country they’ve been assigned to. They are not citizens of that country, but they’ve chosen to live their lives there in order to develop relationships and become more effective in their communication.

So, what does this lesson in foreign relations have to do with you and me?

God’s plan is to recruit you (as well as all believers) to represent Him and share the news of His Kingdom with those who remain separated from Him. That’s why He doesn’t just zap us into Heaven the moment we believe, and why it’s probably not the best idea to hide yourself in an underground bunker lest you be tempted by negative influences.

You’re called to enter into the world of those around you (as much as you can without grieving the Holy Spirit), develop friendships with them, and share the love of Christ abundantly. Ideally, through these relationships, opportunities for deeper discussion will arise naturally, allowing you to share the story of how God has reconciled you back to Himself—an offer that is available to all.

Even if you’re only at the beginning of your journey to freedom, you can still tell others of the ways Jesus has already changed your life. Please don’t buy the lie that you need to “arrive” at some point of perfection before your story is worthy of being told. The only thing required of you to be an ambassador of Christ is to simply be in Christ.

This has been a repost from the archives.

The post You Have Become an Ambassador of Reconciliation appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

My One Thing: Jason Pamer

“What’s the one piece of advice you would give

to someone struggling with porn addiction?”

Jason Pamer is the Producer & Writer on the critically acclaimed film, “Rape for Profit” as well as his current film — “Hearts of Men” which is slated to release late 2015/early 2016.

Connect with Jason:

Hearts of Men

Website: www.heartsofmenmovie.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/heartsofmenmovie

Twitter: @heartsofmenfilm

Unearthed

Website: www.unearthedpictures.org

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/unearthedpics?fref=ts

Twitter: @unearthedpics

Check out all the “One Thing” video interviews here.

Transcript

Coming soon…

The post My One Thing: Jason Pamer appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Smart Quote: Tim Keller

Thoughts on this quote? Feel free to discuss them in the comments below.

The post Smart Quote: Tim Keller appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.