Stephen Kuhn's Blog, page 49

You Have Been Washed Clean

“Come now, let’s settle this,”

     says the Lord.

“Though your sins are like scarlet,

     I will make them as white as snow.

Though they are red like crimson,

     I will make them as white as wool.

          (Isaiah 1:18)

Sin. You probably don’t need me to tell you it’s an issue in your life. After all, we all struggle with it. Every one of us.

No matter how good we try to be, we’ve all been soiled by the stains of our sin.

When Isaiah wrote these words, he was looking forward to the day when the stains on our souls would be taken care of. When we could finally be cleansed from our sin—permanently.

But he also recognized that we could never make ourselves clean on our own. He knew that no amount of scrubbing, hiding, or justifying would remove the scars of sin from our souls.

Isaiah understood that only Jesus had the power to make us clean.

And today, thanks to His finished work on the Cross, He has.

You see, the moment you placed your trust in Christ, your sins were washed as white as snow.

Not by anything you did.

Not by your striving towards goodness.

Not by your ability to overcome your flaws.

It was solely by the power of Christ’s blood.

And nothing will ever change this. No sin—even the sin you have yet to commit—will ever leave a stain on you again.

Because, as Jesus says in today’s verse—it’s been settled.

This has been a repost from the archives.

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Smart Quote: John Eldredge

Thoughts on this quote? Feel free to discuss them in the comments below.

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Why I Stopped Trying to Become a Better Man

For 25 years I habitually looked at porn, and yet everyday I would still set out to become a better man. Now that I’m two years free-and-clear, I see the Gospel like never before, and I’ve given up trying to become a better man anymore.

Satan came to both Eve and Jesus with the same basic temptation. It was always a question:

Are you really God’s son?
Is God holding back His best from you?
Does He really want you to be like Him?
Did God give you what it takes to be great?
Will you be manly enough?
Will you be someone great?

I call it The Question of Greatness.

*Photo credit: Quinn Dombrowski, Flickr

The Question of Greatness is hauntingly simple. Anyone can take it up as his life’s mission. It lets you pick your own definition of greatness. Total freedom. To choose your own adventure, turn to page 65…

But everyone who pursues The Question of Greatness inevitably becomes its slave. Why? Because the Question is never answered.

The Question is a driver. It drove me for 25 years. At first I planned to be wealthy, a leader of men. After meeting Jesus, I adjusted my greatness to being godly: full-time ministry, a miracle worker, a disciple maker.

All the while I was secretly a slave. A slave to The Question.

I picked up The Question when I was twelve. I remember the day in Social Studies when I suddenly knew that Bryan, the kid with the $200 Air Jordans, was way cooler than me. And once I bit on that fruit, I could never close my eyes again. All I could do was compare myself to others, excuse (or hide) my faults, and protect my strengths. Compare, Control, and chase after The Question.

To answer The Question, I put on the face of success. Pride was sweet but fleeting, and fear of failure drove me to back to The Question after every success. I would pretend everything was fine. I would make my territory safe. I would protect myself from the doubt I knew was on its way.

Then I discovered porn. I still remember how my hands shook as I turned those pages. I’d finally found the leaves to cover my nakedness.

In the dark places where no one—and I mean no one—was invited, the shame told me a different story. The shame was a comparison too, and facing my failures was more than I could bear. I chose to indulge in one of the most pleasurable, reassuring controls that exist.

I chose acceptance and success wherever I could find it, as long as I didn’t risk vulnerability. The pornography worked so well for that. It was the only rest I could find: guilt-ridden, self-loathing rest. I would sit in front of it for hours. I didn’t just stroll through a few stills and a video. I would binge. I would wallow.

Afterwards, I would carefully construct my inward excuses and outward lies. I would set out to improve myself—to become a better man. I would go home to my wife, whom I was stabbing in the heart every lying, prideful, invulnerable day.

I became a pendulum swinging between pride and shame: one side in the light, the other in shadow. My only sanity was to craft my story with carefully phrased excuses that any Christian would consider godly and contrite, myself included. I was telling my tale and answering The Question with each accountability partner and every lonely prayer asking to be set free.

But this poison didn’t come just from the Internet. It came from the pulpit every Sunday as well.

You see, I believed in a false gospel, and so did my church. My gospel told me I was going to make something of myself, and God was my biggest cheerleader. I would make sure God chose me to be one of his special ones.

Every sermon I heard, every verse I read, spoke only to the Question that was driving me toward oblivion. My pastors and mentors all fed the fire. I was one of the promising young leaders in the church. I was sure to make a difference in the Kingdom.

Today, I’m on the other side of this story, with a clearer head and hands washed clean. I live with a wife who is two years into a recovery that will likely take twenty. I am just beginning to see the poison I was swallowing. People say porn destroys marriages, but that’s not the whole truth. Porn also destroys wives.

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People say porn destroys marriages,

but that’s not the whole truth.

Porn also destroys wives.

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I have more to share about this journey, but the most painful chapter has ended. And I, for one, never believed it would. I’ve given The Question of Greatness to Jesus, and now I set my face toward the author and finisher of my faith.

I am freer today than I’ve ever been. And because I now trust Jesus with my life, I have stopped trying to become a better man.

Luke Zedwick worked for 11 years as a math teacher, church elder, and an occasionally paid minister of the Gospel of Jesus of Nazareth. He’s spent the last few years as a school principal, husband & dad, and Bible teacher in his local church home group.

If you would like to contact Luke, you can reach him here.

The post Why I Stopped Trying to Become a Better Man appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Weekly Web (W)roundup

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.

CovenantEyes: 3 Secrets to Raising Porn-Proof Kids

“One of the reasons why pornography has gotten out of control is because we have accountability all wrong. We treat accountability as a last resort, not a lifestyle—and then we raise our children with the same mentality.”

Christianity Today: How Christians Should Talk About Sex

“So if Paul serves as my example, I don’t need to get on my soapbox about sexual morality any time soon. In fact, I should probably avoid it. And I certainly should avoid any sense that I can claim any moral superiority to Miley Cyrus or the young people depicted in Rolling Stone.”

OnFaith: 10 Things I Wish Everyone Knew About the Christian View of Sexuality

“While there are people of many diverse beliefs and convictions — including gay and lesbian people — who oppose same-sex marriage, here are 10 foundational truths that inform the traditional, orthodox Christian belief.”

Truefaced: Why Do I Hide?

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You are Never Alone

Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you. (Deuteronomy 31:8)

Did you know the most common command the Lord gives us in the Bible is “Do not fear”? 

Why is that? Perhaps it’s because He knows us well enough to know that our natural tendency is to be afraid:

Afraid our needs won’t be met…
Afraid our life won’t turn out how we hoped…
Afraid the people we love will abandon or reject us…

More often than not, these fears are rooted in a lack of trust. They are the result of not trusting that everything God says applies to those who are in Christ is true—even for you.

You see, when you put your trust fully in the Lord, you will come to see how His promises overcome all of your fears.

After all:

What does Matthew say about God meeting your needs?

31 “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ 32 These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. 33 Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

34 “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today” (Matthew 6:31-34).

What does Jeremiah say about God’s plans for your life?

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. 12 In those days when you pray, I will listen. 13 If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me (Jeremiah 2:11-13).

What does today’s verse in Deuteronomy say about God abandoning you?

8 Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you” (Deuteronomy 31:8).

The more you trust the love of Christ, the less you will sense the need to be afraid.

This is how trusting that God is always right there with you, that He will never fail you, and that He will never leave you—no matter what—sets you free from fear.

Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear (1 John 4:18).

This has been a repost from the archives.

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Smart Quote: Timothy Keller

Thoughts on this quote? Feel free to discuss them in the comments below.

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10 Steps to Go a Year Free of Porn and Masturbation

A few days ago, xxxChurch.com published an article titled: 10 Steps to Go a Year Free of Porn and Masturbation. They asked each of us contributors to submit our top-2 pieces of advice on quitting porn, and then narrowed it down to the top-10.

You can read the whole post on their site, but I thought I would share with you my two suggestions today:

Learn to trust God’s unconditional love for you—even in the midst of your struggles. The truth is, no matter how badly you’ve messed up, or how far down the path into porn addiction you’ve wandered, God will always be right beside you waiting to help you back up. It’s tempting to believe He wants you to fix your junk before you come to Him, but in reality He wants you to come to Him with your junk so He can fix it for you. After all, if “God showed His great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners (Romans 5:8),” why would He turn away from you now?

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Find at least one person who you can trust with everything. It feels so natural to hide our struggles in order to appear like we have it all together. As long as your junk stays hidden though, it will fester. It will continue to control and torment you until you deal with it. Luckily, God has given us His plan for how to bring our junk into the light: “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed (James 5:16).” It’s a simple plan, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Be courageous though. Find at least one person who you can share your junk with so that nothing in your life remains hidden. Dig it up, talk about it, pray about it, and bless one another as you share your victories together.

These are the two pieces of wisdom that have helped me the most on my journey towards freedom. I trust they will help you as well.

So here’s to a new year, and a new opportunity to trust God, and to trust others, to come alongside you on your journey.

Read the whole post on xxxchurch.com.

The post 10 Steps to Go a Year Free of Porn and Masturbation appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Weekly Web (W)roundup

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.

Tim Challies: When God Doesn’t Zap Away Our Sin

“God gives that grace, but for some reason—his good reasons—it rarely comes in the form we would prefer. God gives it not in the form we want but in the form we need. We want God to zap away our sin, to instantly and permanently remove it. Those desires, those addictions, those idolatries—we want them to be lifted and to be gone that very moment.”

Public Discourse: Seven Things I Wish My Pastor Knew About My Homosexuality

“During my upbringing, I heard a few fiery sermons on homosexuality. These days, I hear declarations of love instead. They make me shout for joy. Amen! It always should have been so! At the same time, however, many pastors have begun accompanying this love with an eschewal of Biblical sexual morality as oppressive, unreasonable, or unkind. Hence, loving homosexual persons also comes to entail affirming and encouraging them in same-sex sexual relationships and behaviors.”

PornHarms: New Study—Porn Use Negatively Affects Men’s Sexual Experiences

“…researchers found that pornography alters the sexual template of men, negatively influencing their expectations in the real world. They were able to conclude that the younger the age at which men were first exposed to pornography, the higher their current use of pornography.”

Matt Chandler: How do you know when you’re ready to start dating?

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Smart Quote: Andrew Murray

Thoughts on this quote? Feel free to discuss them in the comments below.

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Reader Q/A: Is My Porn Addiction Holding Me Back from Jesus?

Editor’s Note: Please excuse the focusing issue on this video. I got a new camera and didn’t know it would do that. I plan to reshoot it soon, but I didn’t want to delay answering this question any longer.

Transcript:

Hey guys, Steve here from Belt of Truth Ministries. I’ve got another reader Q&A. I got a question from a reader and they asked, “Is my pornography addiction holding me back from Jesus?”

To be honest, that’s a question I get quite a lot, and it was a question I had myself. The truth is, kind of. Well, let me explain that.

As far as, “is my pornography addiction holding me back from Jesus?” Well it’s holding you back from experiencing the life that He offers you. You’re going to miss out on a lot of the peace and joy and just general life that He offers as long as you keep wrestling with porn.

But here’s the deal: I think typically what people are really asking when they say that isn’t, “Is my pornography addiction holding me back from Jesus?” What they’re asking is, “Is my pornography addiction keeping Jesus away from me?”

That’s the real question, and that was something that I wrestled with, frankly, my entire addiction. Because here’s the deal: I believed that I had to overcome my addiction (I had to clean myself up and fix my junk) in order for Jesus to want to hang out with me. It was up to me to clean myself up before He would accept me into his presence, and frankly, that’s just not the truth we see in Scripture.

You read Romans 8:1, it says, “There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ.” If you’ve trusted Jesus, He’s paid for all of your sins. He’s taken all of your punishment away, even for the sins you have yet to commit. There is absolutely no condemnation. He loves you unconditionally.

The other verse that really pertains to this is Romans 5:8. It says that, “God showed His great love for us in that while we were still sinners, He sent Christ to die for us.” While we were still sinners. We still had junk and God showed us how much He loved us by sending Jesus to die for us.

So if that’s the case, if God sent Jesus to die for us while we were still sinners, why would God (or Jesus, for that matter) pull away from us now when we already have a relationship with Him, because we still struggle with sin? The fact of the matter is, He won’t.

Just like the Prodigal Son, if we run off and we’re off to Vegas and just blowing our inheritance and doing all kinds of crazy stuff, is God going to reject us? Is Jesus going to pull away from us? No. They’re going to be standing there with their arms wide open, just looking over the hill waiting for us to come back. That’s how much God loves you, even in the midst of your sin.

So instead of feeling like Jesus is pulling away from you, maybe we shoulder consider the truth that we see in Hebrews 4:16, “So let us come boldly to the throne of grace, in our time of deepest need.”

You see, God wants us to run to Him, in our time of deepest need. And when is our time of deepest need? Well, for people with the same struggles we have, it’s probably right there when we’re tempted to look at porn, or if we’ve just looked at it; that’s your time of deepest need. That’s when God wants you to run to Him, not away from Him.

So back to the initial question, is your porn addiction keeping you from Jesus? No, it’s not. Jesus is right there, waiting for you to run to Him. So in reality, your porn addition isn’t keeping you from Jesus. In fact, Jesus may even be using it to draw you to Him.

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