Stephen Kuhn's Blog, page 16

Weekly Web (W)roundup

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn and sexual addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.

Blogging Theologically: Grace Can’t be Earned, only Given

“Somewhere along the way, she’d picked up the notion that she needed to pay God back for his gracious work in her life, as though that were possible. She’s not alone in this, of course. There are many people who act as though their deeds can cancel out their debt to God, or that they can earn his favor—even among those who profess to be Christians! Grace cannot be earned, only given. Grace is scandalous, after all.”

Forward Progress: 3 Misunderstandings of What it Means to Repent

“Whether we want to admit it or not, when we are trying to follow Jesus, we will find ourselves repenting over and over again. I’d propose, then, that we have at least three common misunderstandings about it means to repent.”

Gospel Coalition: Pornography as a Public Health Crisis

“Although pornography has been identified as a public health concern for more than three decades, the increase in access and the ubiquity of pornography has increased concerns about the effects of pornography on communities.”

CovenantEyes: 4 Secrets the Porn Industry Hopes You Never Find Out

“I get that you have reasons for turning to porn. My husband did too. And right now, you may think no one suffers a single consequence for what you’re doing. Maybe you’re not married. Maybe you are, but your wife doesn’t seem to care or you’ve successfully kept it hidden. Maybe porn seems to be a safe release for you because of how you’ve been treated and burned in the past. But maybe this isn’t just about you.”

XXXChurch: Can Prayer Actually Help My Porn Problem?

“I think prayer can be one of the most difficult parts of following Jesus. Often, there are no concrete answers, and how do you even know if God has even heard your prayers in the first place?! Thankfully, there can be so much more to prayer if we let it. Perhaps we even need to open ourselves up to a new way of viewing both prayer and God. Here are a couple of ideas that might just help.”

Brad Hambrick: 10 Step Progression for Restoring Broken Trust

“Movement through this progression will be a dance between your spouse’s efforts at change and your willingness to take relational risks. Your spouse’s growth alone will not create trust without your willingness to take a relational risk. Your willingness to a relational risk alone without your spouse’s growth will not produce lasting trust. The dance may not be one step by your spouse followed by one step by you. But unless both of you are moving you’re not dancing.”

Living Out: Ed’s Story

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DONE: Your Sins Are Forgiven

In Him, we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace… (Ephesians 1:7).

One of my favorite weekend activities growing up was riding my bike to the local arcade and blowing my heard-earned paper route money on video games.

We had a few different arcades in town, but my favorite was the huge one inside the mall. This arcade was not only the first place to play the latest games, it was the place you went to test your joystick skills against the best players in town.

But as much as I enjoyed beating other kids at Street Fighter II, my favorite activity was filling my pockets with prize tickets from the carnival style games. I’d dump quarter after quarter into Skee-Ball, the creepy shoot-out-the-clown’s-teeth-with-a-water-gun game, and of course, Whack-a-Mole.

The better you did at these games, the more tickets you earned. And the more tickets you earned, the more stuff you could buy from the prize counter.

These prizes ranged from single-ticket items like stickers and tattoos all the way up to a full-on Sega Genesis console for some ridiculously huge quantity.

But what would have happened if I went to the counter and attempted to redeem real money for the Sega Genesis? I’d probably be told to come back when I had enough tickets—the only currency they accepted there.

In a lot of ways, we do the same thing when we look at the junk in our lives and attempt to overcome it by being a better person. We look at the debt of sin we’ve accrued and hope that by going to church, doing good works, or being a “nice enough person,” we can tilt the balance sheet back in our favor.

But that’s not how forgiveness works in God’s eyes. You may as well be trying to buy your way into Heaven with arcade tickets.

The truth is, the only currency that can pay for your forgiveness is the blood of Jesus. It’s His blood that has the power to redeem you and provides forgiveness for your sins—not your ability to be a good person.

This is great news though, because once you realize your good behavior has nothing to do with you earning forgiveness, you can rest assured that bad behavior can never cause you to lose it.

Thankfully, God doesn’t dole out His forgiveness the way an arcade game distributes tickets—in small batches, and only if you win. He offers it to you solely as a gift of His grace.

Furthermore, He forgave all your sins the moment you put your trust in Christ.

You’ve been fully forgiven. You’ve been fully redeemed. Your debt has been paid.

So now, instead of trying to earn enough tickets to get to Heaven by playing Whack-a-Mole with your sin, you can relax and join Jesus over at the air hockey table—knowing that even if you lose, you will still be loved unconditionally, forgiven completely, and accepted fully.

This post was an excerpt from my book, DONE. 52 Amazing Things that Became True of You the Moment You Trusted Christ.

The entire book is available as individual posts here, but if you prefer a good old-fashion paperback, you can purchase a copy from Amazon.

The post DONE: Your Sins Are Forgiven appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Smart Quote: John Eldredge

Thoughts on this quote? Feel free to discuss them in the comments below.

The post Smart Quote: John Eldredge appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Book Review: Fathered by God

A few years back my counselor recommended I read Wild at Heart to help me understand how my addiction was fueled by misunderstandings of how God made me as a man.

To say that book changed my view of what Biblical masculinity looks like would be an understatement.

As much as I enjoyed Wild at Heart though, I believe Fathered by God is perhaps even more helpful for men who struggle with living as the man God calls them to be.

Where Wild at Heart teaches us about how God has made us as men, Fathered by God shows us the path He wants to walk us through to bring us into that position of authentic, Biblical masculinity.

In Fathered by God, John Eldredge outlines the six stages of manhood that God walks every man through over the course of their life. There are lessons to be learned—that must be learned—in every stage:

Boyhood

“We must remember that above all else, boyhood is the time of affirmation, the time when a boy comes to learn deeply that he is the beloved son… Without this bedrock of affirmation this core of assurance, a man will move unsteadily through the rest of his life, trying to prove his worth and earn belovedness through performance or achievement, through sex, or in a thousand other ways.”

Cowboy

“A notable shift begins to take place in the boy’s soul as he approaches his teens, a yearning for real adventure. Something inside tells him that he needs to prove himself, needs to be tested. He wants to learn how to do things—how to drive a car, to hunt birds, to build a loft in his room. And now the question of a man’s soul begins to present itself in nearly everything the boy-becoming-a-young-man does: Do I have what it takes?”

Warrior

“The recovery of the warrior is absolutely crucial to the recovery of a man. All else rests on this, for you will have to fight, my brothers, for everything you desire and everything you hold dear in this world. Despite what you feel, or what you may have been told, you have a warrior’s heart, because you bear the image of God. And He will train you to become a great warrior, if you’ll let Him.”

Lover

“Learning to be loved, and learning to love, learning to be romanced, and learning to romance—that is what this stage is all about. Not duty. Not merely discipline. But an awakening of our hearts to the beauty and love of God, and at the same time, we offer our hearts as well—to God, to the women in our lives, to our sons and daughters, to others.”

King

“[A good king] uses all he has to make his kingdom like the kingdom of Heaven for the sake of the people who live under his rule… Most of the men I know in some position of power and influence [kings] are not holy enough to handle even what they do have, and they are doing damage as we speak. They operate out of their business training and “principles of leadership,” they operate out of a great deal of their own brokenness, but they do not, on any sort of regular basis, check in with God, submit to Him, live as a man yielding his plans to Him.”

Sage

“There comes a time when a king must yield his throne. This does not mean failure. It means it’s time to become a sage, and let another man be king… It will appear that at this stage a man’s “kingdom” may be shrinking—he retires from his career position, perhaps moves into a smaller home or apartment, lives on a fixed income. But, his influence should actually increase.”

If a man is wounded in any of these stages (or skips over any of them completely), he will miss the lesson it has for him. He will move forward in life with holes in his masculinity, functioning as an incomplete man.

But God, as our loving Father, wants to bring us back into these overlooked stages to teach us what we missed. He wants to heal those gaps in our development and raise us up as His beloved sons into authentic, Biblical masculinity.

This is the message of Fathered by God—a message that can give any man hope, no matter what stage of life he is in.

The post Book Review: Fathered by God appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Happy Father’s Day from Belt of Truth Ministries

Fathers: Sho Baraka

The post Happy Father’s Day from Belt of Truth Ministries appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Weekly Web (W)roundup

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.

The Blazing Center: You Can’t Shame People into Repentance

“[S]hame isn’t redemptive. Shaming doesn’t bring believers closer together in fellowship. Shame doesn’t lead believers in paths of repentance and righteousness. Rather, shame causes people to hide. It causes them to withdraw. To disappear.”

Relevant: Kingdom Come

“Once we catch a glimpse of what God plans for the Kingdom, we can begin to implement that vision in the here-and-now—beginning in our churches and in our homes and in our worship.”

XXXChurch: The Secret To Finding Real Freedom

“At the height of my addiction, I was trying the same things over and over hoping that one day they would just click if I just got my theology correct or if I was just more honest with my accountability partner. But my search was for something far more profound than simply perfecting the next tool.”

Desiring God: Joy Changes Everything

“[I]f Paul is to be believed, the task of motivating and equipping Christians for service is neither more nor less than the ordinary, stated work of pastor-teachers; and if Nehemiah is to be believed, the primary way to achieve that object is by filling their hearts with joy; which in turn means filling their minds with constant reminders of the breadth and depth and length and height of the love of Christ.”

Grace Covers Me: How do We Grow by the Holy Spirit Rather than by Self-Effort?

“One path to spiritual growth is me-centered and demands instant change. The other is God-centered and requires persistent faith. Growth by the Holy Spirit almost seems counterintuitive, but I can attest in my own life that I’ve seen deep and lasting growth as I’ve resisted myself and looked for His leadership.”

Covenant Eyes: How to Overcome the Flesh

“I fear we’ve bred a generation of believers whose souls are fixated in the way they shouldn’t go. My personal experience and the experience I have ministering to men is that most Christians are inherently focused on the ‘nots’ and ‘don’ts.’ We are acutely aware of what we shouldn’t be doing, what we shouldn’t be thinking, how we don’t measure up, what we don’t have, how we fall short, what we haven’t done, what we aren’t doing, etc. But God isn’t interested in what you’re not. He’s interested in who you are.”

Sam Allberry: The Story of a Same-Sex Attracted Pastor and Husband

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DONE: You Have Been Given Every Spiritual Blessing

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ (Ephesians 1:3).

We have a general rule in our house that we’re quick to share things with one another, but it’s important to ask permission first.

For example, anytime my daughter wants to play a game on my phone, she just needs to ask me before taking it. As long as there isn’t a good reason for me to say no to her (such as unfinished chores or me expecting a call), I’ve promised to say yes whenever I can.

Now, imagine if my daughter kept asking permission to use my phone even after I handed it to her. She could be playing a game with the phone in her hands, but still pop her head up every few minute to ask if she can have the phone.

“Can I play a game on your phone?”

“You have my phone, Honey.”

“Can I play a game on your phone?”

“You still have my phone, Honey.”

“Can I play a game on your phone?”

“Really?”

Not only is that ridiculous, it would be somewhat annoying as well. Probably on par with the never-ending “Are we there yet?” or “I’m huuuuuuungry.”

Sometimes though, I wonder if God looks at us and says “Really?” when we keep asking Him for things that He’s already given to us. After all, according to this verse, He’s already blessed us with every spiritual blessing.

But what exactly are these blessings? The remainder of this passage tells us more about them:

you have been made holy ( v.4 )
you have been adopted as His child ( v.5 )
you have been offered His grace ( v.6 )
you have been redeemed and forgiven ( v.7 )
you have been given wisdom and insight ( v.8 )
you have been included in His inheritance ( v.11 )
you have been given the Holy Spirit ( v.13 )

God has already given you these things, yet if you’re anything like me, you keep coming back to Him asking for them again and again. That’s why I try to pay attention to the language I use whenever I talk to God:

Instead of asking to be forgiven when I mess up, I thank Him for how He has already forgiven me.
Instead of asking for His grace, I thank Him for the unending grace He’s already showered upon me.

This may seem like nothing more than a subtle shift in semantics, but I’ve found it helps me remember that I don’t need to strive to please God in order to receive His blessing. I’ve already received it (Tweet this!). All I need to do is trust and believe that if God says it’s true about all believers, it’s true about me as well.

This post was an excerpt from my book, DONE. 52 Amazing Things that Became True of You the Moment You Trusted Christ.

The entire book is available as individual posts here, but if you prefer a good old-fashion paperback, you can purchase a copy from Amazon.

The post DONE: You Have Been Given Every Spiritual Blessing appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Smart Quote: Kris Dolberry

Thoughts on this quote? Feel free to discuss them in the comments below.

The post Smart Quote: Kris Dolberry appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Weekly Web (W)roundup

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.

Desiring God: My Sin, Not in Part, But the Whole

“Christ didn’t come to just forgive our ‘more respectable’ sins. He didn’t absorb the wrath of God on behalf of our ‘smaller’ sins. Instead, he came and has forgiven all of our sins. This is how we are able to be honest with the depth of our sinfulness, because we trust that God will cover us with the depths of his mercy.”

KeyLife: Grace Goes All the Way Down

“In our churches too often we believe the way people change is by receiving more instruction. Instruction is good, and we need it. There’s lot of instructions in the Bible, and we shouldn’t ignore them. But the way the Bible says people actually change, deep down in the heart, where the sincerity is seated that makes our behavior worship of God instead of worship of self, is by believing in the gospel.”

Steve McVey: Do Grace and Truth Need to Be Kept in Balance?

“If you’re going to draw a line, draw it between grace and legalism—not between grace and truth. The Bible plainly puts grace and truth on the same side of the line, in Jesus.”

Russell Moore: Why Porn Kills Sex

“Why does it seem that pornography ultimately kills sexual intimacy? There are, to be sure, many psychological explanations. Pornography desensitizes one to sexual stimuli, feeds the quest for endless novelty, and creates a script of expectations that does not, and cannot, meet up to the real dynamics of personal relationship. But I think there’s more afoot here.”

Gospel Coalition: The Modern Man and His Fantasy World

“In recent years I have noticed a trait, particularly among men, where faith is impeded. I am talking about the cultural fixation upon fantasy. Many man today are wrapped up in a world of fantasy and also find it increasingly difficult to live by faith upon the God who is invisible.”

Andrew Wilson: Who Gave Paul His Thorn?

“So who gave Paul his thorn? God, and Satan, but with thoroughly different agendas. Satan, we may surmise, wanted to destroy him. God wanted to humble him, and throw him back onto divine grace. ”

Josh Garrels: At The Table

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DONE: You Have Been Set Free from the Law

So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law (Galatians 5:1).

For years, I had accepted the fact that Jesus paid for my sin on the cross, but every time I messed up I felt the need to earn God’s favor back and ask forgiveness for what I had just done.

I believed that my initial salvation came from the work of Jesus alone (saved by grace), but I also believed my continued salvation—and my acceptance by God—was a reward I maintained only if I was somehow good enough (saved by keeping the law).

I kept going back to the slavery of the law even though Christ had set me free from it.

But remember: When did Jesus pay for your sins? It was on the Cross.

And how many of your sins were done after the Cross? All of them.

Every one of your sins—past, present, and even future sins—were paid for 2000 years ago when Jesus said, “It is finished.”

When you accepted Christ’s payment for your sins, it was for all of them. Not just the ones you had committed up to the point of your initial salvation.

This idea that we need to keep coming back for forgiveness and make things right every time we sin is the same as telling Jesus we need Him to go back to the Cross and do it again.

It’s telling Jesus that what He did wasn’t enough.

This is why it is so important to understand how your behavior—no matter how sinful it may be—can never separate you from God’s love or acceptance once you have put your hope in the work of Christ.

Remember, Jesus is your only hope of freedom.

The minute you put your faith in Him, your balance was paid in full.

You were set free from the treadmill of trying to do enough good to overcome the inevitable junk that remains.

Trust this truth, and you will remain free.

This post was an excerpt from my book, DONE. 52 Amazing Things that Became True of You the Moment You Trusted Christ.

The entire book is available as individual posts here, but if you prefer a good old-fashion paperback, you can purchase a copy from Amazon.

The post DONE: You Have Been Set Free from the Law appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.