Stephen Kuhn's Blog, page 17

Smart Quote: Dallas Willard

Thoughts on this quote? Feel free to discuss them in the comments below.

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Reader Q/A: Is Laziness Contributing to My Struggle with Sobriety?

Question: “I get the connection between sobriety and spirituality but I drift into laziness and my self-interests and attractions cloud my decision-making whenever that happens. I think laziness is a trap that scuttles my desire to live soberly. Got any insights?”

When you use the term “laziness,” I assume you’re talking about spiritual laziness as opposed to physical laziness. In other words, you’re not talking about binge-watch Netflix instead of going to the gym. You’re talking about a lack of time doing the things that you believe are required to grow your faith.

Either way, let’s unpack both scenarios because one of them can be helpful, and the other is absolutely crucial—although not necessarily in the way you may be expecting.

Physical Laziness

It may not seem like it at first, but physical laziness and a lack of proper self-care can contribute to a pornography addiction. After all, it’s hard to find motivation to do anything in life when you lack the energy to even get off the couch. This is more than we have time to fully unpack here, but I did want to address a few things regarding exercise.

Physical exercise will allow your body to release mood-enhancing endorphins, relieve stress in a healthy way, and can even lead you to seek out healthy support communities (such as an exercise partner or a gym class).

Those are all good things of course, but many people make exercise their main focus on their path to sobriety, effectively trading their “negative” addictions for a “positive” addiction to exercise. After all, how many ultra-runners have a history of past substance abuse?

So yes, it’s important to take care of your body and move away from physical laziness, but make sure you aren’t forsaking the inward journey that will lead to true healing of your whole self. Having rock-hard abs won’t actually change your life for the better, no matter what the fitness magazines tell you.

“For while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.”

1 Timothy 4:8

Spiritual Laziness

There’s a tendency many of us have to look at our spiritual lives and wonder if we’re being too lazy. If we’re not experiencing the level of sobriety we desire, then it must be because we’re not working hard enough spiritually.

I need to read my Bible more, pray more, follow God’s laws better…

Yes, it may be true that becoming less “lazy” in your approach to such practices will lead to deeper freedom, but what if such striving, as well-intentioned as it appears, is actually hindering your recovery? The answer lies in your motivation. Let me explain.

You’re probably familiar with the verse in Matthew where Jesus refers to His yoke as “easy.” When we picture this scene, we typically think of the yoke a farmer places over the necks of a pair of oxen and see ourselves being yoked alongside Jesus as we navigate our journey of faith.

This may be a comforting picture, but there’s one problem with it: This type of yoke distributes the load between both oxen evenly, which means you’re still responsible for 50% of the work. Isn’t that how so many of us view our faith? Yes, Jesus saved me on the cross, but it’s up to me to pull my half of the weight from here out.

But what if the yoke Jesus is referring to in this passage isn’t an oxen yoke, but it’s actually a water carrying yoke? In other words, it’s His yoke to carry. He does the work for us, not with us. He takes the full load of our sin—our addictions, failures, shame, guilt, hurts, and hangups—completely on His own. Our only remaining job then, is to simply walk beside Him. That changes things, doesn’t it?

Look again at the image of the water yoke and notice how the weight of the buckets causes it to bend downward at the ends. When you’re standing immediately next to Jesus, the weight rests fully on His shoulders, but the further you move away from Him, the more weight will be transferred to you.

I’ve found in my own recovery, the more I tried to overcome my spiritual laziness through striving to do all the right things, the less I wanted to spend time resting in the love of Christ—the only thing that would lead me to true freedom. By striving to carry my own weight and overcoming my spiritual laziness in my own power, I was actually moving away from Jesus.

I was trying to work, and all He wanted me to do was rest—rest in the fact that He was doing the work in me.

So instead of looking at spiritual practices such as prayer and Bible reading as a way to become a better person, what if you looked at them as a way to draw you closer to Jesus? I think you will find that it becomes less about striving to do what you think you “should” be doing (IE: overcoming laziness), and more about doing what your soul truly desires to do.

And the more you feed your soul’s true desires, the less tempting your addictions will become. A rich and lasting sobriety will begin to flow out of your new heart as you experience your connection to Jesus more deeply every day.

Two Birds, One Stone

I’d encourage you to take a walk with Jesus, both physically and spiritually. Go for a hike in nature, or simply wander around your neighborhood for a while if that’s all you can manage. Talk with Him. Ask Him how He feels about you. Ask Him what He wants you to focus on. Imagine Jesus walking beside you enjoying every moment, because He is. Take these walks regularly, and you’ll find freedom from both types of laziness.

“Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

Matthew 11:28-29

The post Reader Q/A: Is Laziness Contributing to My Struggle with Sobriety? appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Weekly Web (W)roundup

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.

Christianity Today: What an Obscure Old Testament Figure Reveals about Us Gentiles

“With this list of characters, it’s no wonder we overlook Obed-Edom. His obscure name is a compound of two other names—Obed, David’s grandfather, and Edom, Esau’s nickname. No doubt, many of us would have to Google him to figure out who he was. Yet he beautifully illustrates what has happened to us—especially us Gentiles—through Jesus.”

XXXChurch: 3 Reasons Why You Might Need Porn Counseling

“So how do you know if you have a serious porn problem that requires professional help? Here are just three examples.”

Brad Hambrick: An Open Letter to Someone Having an Affair

“Let’s start with this reality: you are going to choose. You are going to choose to pursue a life with your spouse (and children, if you have them) or your adultery partner (with your children passing between homes in a blended family, if you have them). Unless you delay until your spouse and/or adultery partner abandons you, you will make a choice between these two options.”

Gospel Coalition: Gandalf, Job, and the Indignant Love of God

“Bilbo has mistaken Gandalf’s aggressive, forceful stance as a raw assertion of power. In his blindness over the ring, he makes accusations against Gandalf and impugns his character, his care, and his concern. But the indignation of love elicits Gandalf’s fire. He’s angry, yes, because of the foolishness of Bilbo in thinking he could challenge him, but even more for thinking he had to—for thinking he couldn’t trust him. Gandalf’s anger at the hobbit’s accusation demonstrates his indignant love.”

CovenantEyes: 3 Reasons Deception is More Destructive than Porn for Your Wife

“A fundamental breach of trust in a marriage brings everything into question. Wholeheartedly trusting someone to love and protect your heart and to act in your best interest is foundational for marriage. Having that trust violated is an act of intimate betrayal.”

And Sons: Small Stories

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DONE: Your Sin Debt was Paid in Full by Jesus

For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ (2 Corinthians 5:21).

Imagine you receive a letter in the mail one day. As you read it, you realize you’ve been found guilty of tax evasion. Not only that, it’s been going on for years.

Because of back taxes and fines, you now owe the IRS over $500,000! Your entire net worth is pennies compared to the fine. You can barely make a dent in it, and can never, ever pay the complete fine.

In addition, the minimum prison sentence is twenty years.

You show up at the trial and realize there is substantial evidence against you. Financial records, invoices, previous tax returns—it’s all there. You have no case.

You plead with the judge, claiming it was an accident and you honestly had no idea you were doing anything wrong. He sternly reminds you that ignorance is no excuse for criminal behavior. You broke the law and now you must pay the consequence.

The gavel slams against the desk as he sentences you to the maximum prison term in addition to your fine.

As you’re being escorted out of the courtroom, however, the judge speaks up:

“Stop! You may not know this yet, but I love you more than you can fathom. I can’t bear to see you punished like this. I will have my own Son pay your fine. He will serve your sentence for you. I can transfer all of your guilt to Him, allowing you to go free as one who is forgiven and restored to righteousness. You must decide, though, if you trust Him to do this for you. Will you receive this gift of forgiveness?”

You ponder the offer for a moment. It seems too good to be true. But then again, you have no other options. You’re desperate. It’s too late for you to undo what you’ve already done.

“Yes, your Honor. I trust your Son. I need Him to save me since I will never be able to overcome my own guilt.”

Immediately, the handcuffs are taken off you and placed upon the wrists of the Son.

You are now free.

Your debt has been paid.

As the Son is escorted out of the room, you thank him with tears in your eyes. You have never felt such an overwhelming sense of relief—or gratitude.

Friends, this is not just a story. This is the gospel.

This is what Jesus did for you the moment you trusted Him: He took your guilt, trading you His righteousness in return.

This post was an excerpt from my book, DONE. 52 Amazing Things that Became True of You the Moment You Trusted Christ.

The entire book is available as individual posts here, but if you prefer a good old-fashion paperback, you can purchase a copy from Amazon.

The post DONE: Your Sin Debt was Paid in Full by Jesus appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Why Do People Turn To Porn When They’re Lonely?

I’m excited to announce that another post I wrote for xxxChurch.com went live this morning. If you aren’t familiar with xxxChurch, they’re an online ministry offering biblical help for those who struggle with porn addiction. I suggest you check out all the great resources they offer to help you on your journey to freedom. And, of course, check out my post on their site as well.

A while back, XXXchurch ran a survey asking people why they turn to porn. Overwhelmingly, a large percentage of the answers stated “because they’re lonely” as a driving factor.

When we’re talking about the kind of lonely that drives us to porn though, it’s typically not the kind that comes from living in isolation. The majority of us have people in our lives—friends, co-workers, partners—whom we’re around on a daily basis. We’re by no means “alone,” yet for some reason, we’re still lonely.

But what if this loneliness so many of us experience isn’t due to a lack of being around anyone but from a lack of being known by anyone?

Read the rest of the article on xxxChurch.com

The post Why Do People Turn To Porn When They’re Lonely? appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Weekly Web (W)roundup

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.

CovenantEyes: “Great Prayers” God Can’t Answer

“As I coach men out of addiction, I regularly see wrong patterns of thinking that God had to correct in my own heart before I was able to navigate clear of lust. So many earnest believers who hate this sin cry out year after year, praying ‘wrong’ prayers and wondering why God isn’t answering their prayers and helping them. After a while, they are tempted to become callous and jaded, wondering if God even cares or if they are really saved and if they are simply beyond hope.”

My Only Comfort: The Modesty Debate

“The assumption of the modesty debate is that men are creatures of lust who can’t help it – especially if a woman is dressed immodestly. Really, it’s her fault. The woman who you put in front of me, Lord, she gave it to me and I did look.”

Storyline: What to Do When Life Hasn’t Turned Out How You Wanted

“f you (or someone you know) struggle with feeling not good enough because of things you did or things done to you, below are some steps that helped me find freedom and the courage to rewrite my story.”

Six Seeds: The Day My Marriage Blew Up

“Most men have no idea where these feelings come from. Many try not to feel anything at all. Some are so skilled at denying their emotions they aren’t even aware they exist. Very few men know how to deal with their feelings in a healthy way.”

Relevant: What Victims of Sexual Abuse Need to Hear From Christians

“An abuse story told, no matter how difficult it is for the one telling it, is merely an announcement that a crime has taken place in their mansion. The story acknowledges, to some degree, why the mansion is in such disrepair, while making it clear that there are many locked rooms, barricaded wings, and trashed hallways that in due season will need to be engaged, but only when and if the person is ready.”

Bible Project: The Image of God

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DONE: You Have Become an Ambassador of Reconciliation

For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation. So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!” (2 Corinthians 5:19-20)

What if I told you God didn’t just save you from something, He saved you to something?

You see, God’s purpose for sending Christ to die for you goes much deeper than merely saving you from death. His plan has always been to recruit this new version of you as a fully-alive, redeemed, hope-filled messenger of reconciliation to those who remain lost.

In other words, God has called you to be His ambassador.

According to dictionary.com, an ambassador is “a diplomatic official of the highest rank, sent by one sovereign or state to another as its resident representative.” In plain english: an ambassador is a messenger sent from one Kingdom to another. And not just any messenger, but one who has been trusted by the highest ranks with the most important and sensitive information. If you’re negotiating on behalf of the President with a foreign dignitary, you probably aren’t going to do it through email. You would send an ambassador to talk with him or her face-to-face.

Furthermore, you would want to make sure the person you sent as your ambassador understood the local customs, spoke the language, and ideally had an established relationship with whomever you were sending them to communicate with. This is why official US Ambassadors typically live within the country they’ve been assigned to. They are not citizens of that country, but they’ve chosen to live their lives there in order to develop relationships and become more effective in their communication.

So, what does this lesson in foreign relations have to do with you and me?

God’s plan is to recruit you (as well as all believers) to represent Him and share the news of His Kingdom with those who remain separated from Him. That’s why He doesn’t just zap us into Heaven the moment we believe, and why it’s probably not the best idea to hide yourself in an underground bunker lest you be tempted by negative influences.

You’re called to enter into the world of those around you (as much as you can without grieving the Holy Spirit), develop friendships with them, and share the love of Christ abundantly. Ideally, through these relationships, opportunities for deeper discussion will arise naturally, allowing you to share the story of how God has reconciled you back to Himself—an offer that is available to all.

Even if you’re only at the beginning of your journey to freedom, you can still tell others of the ways Jesus has already changed your life. Please don’t buy the lie that you need to “arrive” at some point of perfection before your story is worthy of being told. The only thing required of you to be an ambassador of Christ is to simply be in Christ.

This post was an excerpt from my book, DONE. 52 Amazing Things that Became True of You the Moment You Trusted Christ.

The entire book is available as individual posts here, but if you prefer a good old-fashion paperback, you can purchase a copy from Amazon.

The post DONE: You Have Become an Ambassador of Reconciliation appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Smart Quote: Rosaria Butterfield

Thoughts on this quote? Feel free to discuss them in the comments below.

The post Smart Quote: Rosaria Butterfield appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Weekly Web (W)roundup

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.

Cripplegate: Behavior Modification vs. Repentance

“Jesus knows a few things about humanity and the nature of personal change. The source of our thoughts, words, and behavior is not our bad day, lack of sleep, missing our workout, environmental conditions, or other circumstances ultimately. Sure, these things might make things harder. But the origin of what we do is our hearts. So, if we are going to truly change, it needs to start there.”

Samuel D. James: Evangelicals and Toxic Masculinity

“I don’t believe that historic Christian doctrines about marriage or sexuality cause toxic masculinity. I do, however, believe that sin causes it, and the conclusion that I’ve come to is the conclusion that I heard years ago and ignored: The American evangelical church has a blind spot when it comes to the sinful way our culture thinks of manhood.”

People of the Second Chance: My Favorite You Is The Real You

“It’s ok to be where we are. It’s ok to feel what we feel. It’s ok to be stuck. But it’s not ok to pretend. So be a little braver to be who God made us to be. I think maybe all of it starts in a community of friends seeing our flaws and loving us anyways. It begins with us getting comfortable in our own skin and sharing our dreams. It means abandoning our full time, 24/7 image management protocol and living a true self kinda life.”

Momastery: Pe-Tish-ion

“When I was little — I looked at the one size fits none standard of beauty and thought: ‘There’s something wrong with me.’ And Tish will look at the same crap and say: ‘There’s something wrong with THAT.’”

Russel Moore: If You’ve Cheated, Should You Tell Your Spouse?

“Sometimes the act of confessing to a wife or husband seems like it would do more harm than good. I once got a letter from a man who said he committed adultery years ago, but the affair had lasted only a week and he had repented to God and others. The reason he was unsure about confessing to his wife was that the marriage was already going through difficulty, and he was deeply concerned that a bombshell like this would end the marriage and harm the children.”

Beautiful Eulogy: The String That Ties Us

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DONE: You are a New Creation

This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! (2 Corinthians 5:17)

I don’t know about you, but I’ve spent countless years of my life trying to make myself into a better person. My biggest struggle was always with pornography, and my typical approach to fixing it was a combination of willpower and filter software—neither of which worked for very long. I’d look at my addiction and think life will only get better if I somehow fix this part of me. Or worse, God will only love me if I change. Unfortunately, no matter what I did, I never could change for the better.

Now this may surprise you, but since I’ve found freedom from porn I’ve come to believe that God wasn’t all that interested in changing me during those years of my addiction. Before anyone get’s all spun up about that, let me explain what I mean.

I grew up in the church and trusted Christ very early in life. Which means, according to this verse, God had already changed me into a new person years before I ever got hooked on porn. But if that’s truly the case, why did I struggle so much with sin (and, to be honest, still do at times)?

The answer, I believe, is that I’d never been taught the truth about how I had already been changed. I didn’t realize that I had been given a new heart with new desires (Ezekiel 36:26). I didn’t understand what it meant to have the Holy Spirit living inside of me, empowering me to resist temptation (1 Corinthians 6:18-19). I had no idea that God had given me access to His wisdom and had already set me from the power of sin (1 Corinthians 1:30). I had all the tools and resources of the Kingdom available, but never realized they were mine to use.

The question I should have been asking during the years of my addiction wasn’t “What do I need to do to change myself for the better?” It should have been “How do I get to live my life now that God has already changed me?” Once I began focusing on what God had already done in me rather than what I could do for myself, that’s when I began to experience freedom from my addiction. Life was no longer about becoming someone new, it was about maturing into who God says I already am.

I’ll be honest though, there are still days where it doesn’t feel like I’ve been changed. But I’ve discovered that whenever I wait for something to feel true before I’m willing to trust it, I never experience it. If, however, I choose to believe what God says is true about me regardless of whether it feels true, then the feelings inevitably come. Trusting that God has already changed me, regardless of my feelings, is what allows me to live my life as if He has.

In the same way, if you’ve trusted Christ, you can trust that God has already made you a new person as well.

So remember, God isn’t interested in changing you.

Why?

Because He already has.

It’s done.

This post was an excerpt from my book, DONE. 52 Amazing Things that Became True of You the Moment You Trusted Christ.

The entire book is available as individual posts here, but if you prefer a good old-fashion paperback, you can purchase a copy from Amazon.

The post DONE: You are a New Creation appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.