Stephen Kuhn's Blog, page 18

Smart Quote: Brennan Manning

Thoughts on this quote? Feel free to discuss them in the comments below.

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Weekly Web (W)roundup

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.

Forward Progress: I am Barabbas

“And now we stand with this man. Suddenly freed from condemnation. Blinking our prison-darkened eyes in the light of the sun of liberty. Facing the penalty of death, we now surprisingly stand free. Free to work. Free to enjoy. Free to live.”

Steve McVey: The Needless Search

“In Him the search for significance is over. For anybody to keep looking for for value through what he does is a waste of time and completely unnecessary. You have been joined to Perfection through your adoption in Jesus Christ. He defines you.”

Dave Willis: 5 Things I Want My Kids to Know about Gender Identity

“The quest to find our ‘gender identity’ is really just another quest to find our ‘identity.’ We’re all longing to know who we are and why we’re here.”

Christianity Today: 3 Tips for Reaching the Dechurched

“To reach the dechurched, we have to understand them. And, as I see the dechurched, there are two main groups—the open and closed. How we seek to reach a dechurched person should be determined, in part, by which group they’re from.”

CCEF: “Abba, Father!” The Cry of God’s Children

“Sometimes for Christians, there is another loss beneath our suffering and it makes everything even worse. It’s the loss that comes with the feeling that we are not really God’s children. Because if we really were his children, if we really got the gospel, our other losses wouldn’t touch us so deeply.”

CovenantEyes: How to Deal with Shame and Guilt Following Pornography

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Smart Quote: David Powlison

Thoughts on this quote? Feel free to discuss them in the comments below.

The post Smart Quote: David Powlison appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Reader Q/A: My Husband Cheated on Me. Am I Justified to Leave Him?

Question: “I just found out my husband has been having an affair with another woman. I’ve felt something was wrong for a long time and now I know what it is. I’m shattered and want a divorce. I married a lie. My question is, am I justified to leave him, or is that disappointing to God?”

Thank you for reaching out. I’ve given this some thought and even though it’s not my place to tell you whether you can (or should) divorce your husband, I do have four questions for you to consider that may be helpful:

1. Do you have healthy people around you?

It’s vital that you surround yourself with trusted friends whom you can talk to about this. However, be careful who you are listening to. Many wives will confide in friends who are going through (or have gone through) their own marriage trauma and come out full of bitterness and anger. These types of friends can be the most damaging people for you to confide in right now, so please be careful. Find a counselor, pastor, support group, or trusted friend who can graciously pour healing waters of wisdom on the flames of your pain, not gasoline. (If you need help finding someone in your area, Pure Community is a good place to start.)

2. Is your husband repentant, humble, and actively seeking recovery?

If your husband is visibly repentant (in action, not just words), then I encourage you to give it some time to see what happens. Far too often I see wives give up on their husbands before they’ve given him a chance to truly find freedom—which is always a longer process than we’d like it to be. I know this suggestion won’t undo the pain of what he’s already done, but it may give you some hope for a better future together.

On the other hand, if he’s still justifying his sin, making excuses, or blaming others for his actions, it may be a sign that he’s not ready to change—at least not yet. This means you’ll need to decide wether you’re willing to (or called to) wait out some potentially tough years in hopes of him changing in the future. If this is the case, it’s not uncommon for wives to pursue separating for a season. Often, a separation will show him how serious you are about needing him to change, which may be the catalyst for him to start taking his recovery seriously as well.

3. Are you considering divorce as a response to your pain, or because it truly is the only option?

Try to resist the urge to make any major decisions in the midst of your grief. Rarely are those the best decisions. Many wives believe ending their marriage will also end their pain, but that is never the case. Even if you do decide to leave, you will still need to heal, forgive, and fight the temptation of anger and bitterness toward your ex-husband on a regular basis.

4. Have you asked God His thoughts on whether or not to leave?

Most importantly, have you prayed about your situation and sensed which direction you should go? I always advise people to seek the Lord first, especially with major decisions such as this one. Ask Him what road you should take, and be honest with yourself about what you hear. Once you believe you have His answer, confirm it by discussing it with the wise counsel you’ve hopefully surrounded yourself with already.

I do hope this helps. Feel free to contact me again if you have any further questions. Also, if your husband does want help, send him my way. I’d love to chat with him or at least send him a copy of 10 Lies Men Believe about Porn.

Either way, I’ll be praying for you, your husband, and your marriage.

In Christ,

Stephen

If you have a question about pornography addiction, my personal story, or anything else for that matter, you can send it to me by filling out the form on the contact page. I do my best to answer every question I receive personally, and never post my answers without first removing all names and other identifying details.

The post Reader Q/A: My Husband Cheated on Me. Am I Justified to Leave Him? appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Weekly Web (W)roundup

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.

CCEF: Satan’s Strategies

“We live in an era when Satan’s power is limited but he still prowls around like a lion. Our security remains a major concern. These are just some of the clear ways that the Spirit prepares us.”

XXXChurch: The Biggest Lie Women Believe

“Shame has a powerful grip on the mind of a woman addicted to porn. If she is the only woman struggling with this, she is out of the ordinary. Out of 7.4 billion humans, she happens to be the freak. The odd one out. She doesn’t fit the feminine mold, so there must be something irredeemably wrong with her. Shame becomes her blanket. It is the only way of making sense of her experience.”

DesiringGod: Six Truths for Dating Someone with a Sexual History

“The one who has his or her own sexual history faces their own challenges. The twin emotions of dating someone with a sexual history, though, are insecurity and obsession. Insecurity, because you feel exposed and already judged when you feel the weight of your partner’s regret and struggle to process what their sins mean for you. Obsession, because you want to let the past be the past, but only after your own morbidly detailed investigation — and because you stubbornly refuse to be rejected and overlooked for the purity which you’ve guarded so diligently.”

CovenantEyes: 4 Things to Remember About Your Husband’s Porn Problem

“While your marriage may have issues (because every marriage has issues at one point or another), you are not the reason your husband or wife decided turning to porn was a good idea. Chances are, porn was an issue for your spouse before you even entered the picture.”

KeyLife: Healing the Wounded Heart

“Join Dr. Dan Allender on Steve Brown, Etc. for a discussion of his new book, Healing the Wounded Heart: The Heartache of Sexual Abuse and the Hope of Transformation. If you have suffered sexual harm, you can dare to believe that evil doesn’t get the last word.”

Pete Wilson: God Celebrates the Steps and Heals the Falls

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DONE: You Have Been Identified as God’s Own

[God] has identified us as his own by placing the Holy Spirit in our hearts as the first installment that guarantees everything he has promised us (2 Corinthians 1:22).

One of my first experiences with an installment plan came back in the mid-90s when I purchased my first car: a pistachio-green 1976 AMC Pacer.

Oh man it was a thing of beauty.

Actually, it was probably one of the more hideous cars on the road at the time. But I didn’t care. I had a vision for what it could be.

I had saved up some money from my paper route, but not enough to fully cover the $1500 it would take to make it mine. So, like many kids, I took out a loan from my parents.

We agreed that I would pay them back in installments until the loan was fully satisfied. The cool thing though, was they let me put my name on the title. If I’d taken out a loan from a bank, the bank would have kept the title until it was paid in full. My parents, however, gave me full rights as the owner of my car even though I still owed them money on it.

From the very first installment, the Pacer was legally mine.

Knowing the car belonged to me, regardless of whatever condition it was in, made me love it unconditionally. I invested countless hours into sanding and repainting it, reupholstering the interior, and fixing the myriad of mechanical issues that were inevitable with a 20-year-old engine. If the car had belonged to someone else, there’s no way I would have put the time, money, or effort into transforming it into everything I’d pictured it to be.

In the same way, the moment you trusted Christ, God signed His name on the title of your soul by giving you the Holy Spirit. Your heart is in His name now, and no one will ever repossess it.

Furthermore, because you belong to God, you can be sure that He will fulfill everything He has promised to do in you. You may still feel like an old beater at times—peeling paint, broken transmission, flat tires—but God sees your full potential. He can’t wait to get you into His shop to restore you into the classic car that you are.

Yes, it will take time, and the job will never be fully complete this side of Heaven. But that doesn’t mean God will love you any less in the meantime.

I loved my Pacer when it was pistachio-green just as much as I loved it the day I drove it home from the shop with a fresh coat of gun-metal grey Mercedes paint and shiny new chrome rims.

Why? Because the Pacer was mine.

And you, my friend, are God’s.

This post was an excerpt from my book, DONE. 52 Amazing Things that Became True of You the Moment You Trusted Christ.

The entire book is available as individual posts here, but if you prefer a good old-fashion paperback, you can purchase a copy from Amazon.

The post DONE: You Have Been Identified as God’s Own appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

May “Belt of Truth Bullet Points”

EDITOR’S NOTE: The following is from our monthly email newsletter. It consists of three quick “bullet points” updating you on various behind-the-scenes aspects of Belt of Truth Ministries. If you would like to receive these in your email each month, you can sign up here.

Ministry: In the past week or so, we officially hit the three-year mark for BeltofTruth.com. During that time, we’ve published 524 posts reaching almost 50,000 unique visitors in more than 40 countries. How wild is that!? When I first started this blog I had no idea if anyone would even read what I posted, but to see the impact it’s having three years in is mind-blowing to say the least. So thank you once again to all of you who are reading, sharing, and interacting with our content in various ways. Without you guys, I probably would have given up to pursue a career in coconut farming years ago.

Books: I was excited to hear Josh McDowell wanted a few cases of 10 Lies Men Believe About Porn to hand out at his inaugural Set Free Summit. I wasn’t able to attend this year, but I hear there were more than 850 pastors, counselors, and other folks attending who were all looking for ways to help others overcome porn addiction. In other words, exactly the people I want to know about 10 Lies. If you happen to be one of those folks who were there, hit me up and let me know how the conference went. Hopefully next year I’ll be there to hand out copies of 10 Lies in person.

Life: If you reading this newsletter on the day you receive it (May 1st), then you can assume I’m currently defending my new backyard Pirate Fort from my invading daughters. You see, today is my 36th birthday, and like most guys on the downward slope to 40, I asked for a swing set for my birthday. We found one with a built-in playhouse fort, so naturally I am claiming it as my “No Girls Allowed Pirate Fort.” After all, it is my gift. Eventually I’ll let my girls turn it into some lame princess castle, but at least for one afternoon it will be mine. In all seriousness, the swing set has always been for them. The gift I truly wanted was to see the look of joy on my daughters’ faces when they get to play on my their new swing set. After all, isn’t that what every Father wants?

Thanks again for your interest in (and support of) Belt of Truth Ministries. Don’t forget you can hit me up any time if you’ve got a question or need anything from me.

Until next month,

Stephen

In Case You Missed It…

Here’s what we covered on the blog last month:

Main Article Posts

Doubting the Resurrection | “I know many of you have doubts about this whole resurrection thing as well. Perhaps you’ve been looking at Jesus and wondering if it really is true—wondering if the life and freedom He promises is actually available for you.”
And Now for Something Completely Different… | “For those of you who would like to see behind the curtain, please enjoy this virtual tour of the Belt of Truth World Headquarters…”
Reader Q/A: How Do I Deal with Triggers? | “Unless you live in the Arctic, there’s no way to avoid triggers in today’s world, which means you need to develop a plan of what to do when it happens.…”
Reader Q/A: Why is Pornography a Sin? | “You say pornography is a sin, but I don’t understand why. Why does God think it’s such a big deal? It’s not hurting anyone.…”

“Who You are in Christ” Posts  

You Have the Holy Spirit Living in You  | “If you are struggling with sexual immorality, it’s not because you are still a slave to sin, it’s because you have forgotten who you are in Christ..”
You Have Been Cleansed and Made Holy  | “When you reached out to Christ to save you, He made you clean. It had nothing to do with your ability to clean yourself up or become a good person.”
Your Value Has Been Confirmed by God  | “The next time you feel flawed, worthless, or wonder if you even matter to God, remember how valuable you are truly are…”
You can call God “Abba”  | “Paul tells us in this verse that we don’t need to fear God as a slave owner. The image of a cruel, impatient, and demanding God is simply not true.”
You Are an Heir to God’s Glory  | “The moment you are adopted as a child of God through your union with Jesus, you become an heir to His glory. Your name is written into God’s will.”
You Were Joined to the Lord  | “Everything changed the moment I pledged myself to my wife on our wedding day. As wonderful as this has been, it is nothing compared to the eternal union we’ve received with Jesus.”
You Have Received Wisdom from God  | “True wisdom isn’t something you generate on your own. As Paul shows us in this verse, the source of wisdom is Jesus. God made Christ to be wisdom itself.”
You Will Never Be Separated from God’s Love  | “There is absolutely nothing in this world that will ever drive a wedge between you and God’s love.”

If you haven’t done so already, be sure to subscribe to www.beltoftruth.com so you don’t miss out on any future posts. And, as always, don’t forget to check out our Top-10 Posts.

The post May “Belt of Truth Bullet Points” appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Weekly Web (W)roundup

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.

The Blazing Center: You Can’t Shame People Into Repentance

“Shaming doesn’t bring believers closer together in fellowship. Shame doesn’t lead believers in paths of repentance and righteousness. Rather, shame causes people to hide. It causes them to withdraw. To disappear.”

Gospel Coalition: How I Discovered True Masculinity

“I really thought whatever god was responsible for creating me must have been a little drunk when he pieced me together. I never felt like a woman, nor did I want to be one, but I also didn’t feel like a man. I felt other, which made me feel inferior to other males and uncomfortable around them.”

Christianity Today: What an Obscure Old Testament Figure Reveals about Us Gentiles

“With this list of characters, it’s no wonder we overlook Obed-Edom. His obscure name is a compound of two other names—Obed, David’s grandfather, and Edom, Esau’s nickname. No doubt, many of us would have to Google him to figure out who he was. Yet he beautifully illustrates what has happened to us—especially us Gentiles—through Jesus.”

Unlocking the Bible: 10 Cravings of the Sinful Nature

“The Christian life is a sustained battle against the constant impulses of sin that rise from the sinful nature. If you are a Christian, your sin is forgiven, but it has not yet been expelled. You are now involved in a lifelong struggle, with the help of the Spirit of God, against the desires of the sinful nature.”

Dave Willis: What Your Phone Reveals About Your Marriage

“Over the years, my wife Ashley and I have interacted with countless married couples, and a trend we’ve discovered is that the way a couple handles their cell phones reveals a great deal about the overall health of their marriage. Let me explain…”

Family Life: About You

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DONE: You Have Become a Member of Christ’s Body

 All of you together are Christ’s body, and each of you is a part of it (1 Corinthians 12:27).

I’m convinced the 1980s were the golden decade for cartoons. Feel free to argue with me on that, but you probably won’t change my mind. Now, I can admit, my opinion may be tainted with the bias of personal nostalgia, but you have to admit there were some pretty awesome classics back then.

My personal favorite, hands-down, was Voltron. Five kids, each with their own giant robotic lion, who would combine together to form the massive robot, Voltron. Every episode followed the same basic template—a bad guy shows up, the kids try to battle him as individual lions, realize they’re overmatched, and then finally combine forces as Voltron to save the day.

This same basic template has shown up in multiple cartoon series even to this day. Transformers (a close second to Voltron in my mind) had multiple iterations of these “combiners”: Devastator (formed from the five Constructicons), Defensor (formed from the five Protectobots), and the impressive Predaking (formed from the five Predacons). Even the long-running Power Rangers series with their “Megazord” was clearly inspired by (IE: ripped-off) the Voltron template as well.

If there’s one thing I’ve noticed over the years though, it’s that these shows I loved so deeply as a boy spoke to me for a reason. More often than not, it’s because they awakened something inside of me that God had put there for a reason. In the case of Voltron, it’s this idea that we’re all given an important role to play as part of a larger team—God’s team.

The moment you trusted Jesus, you became part of the body of Christ. You may not have received a giant robotic lion, but you were made into the hands and feet of Jesus. In other words, He wants to use you as the instrument through which He does good works in this world, and for you to be His tangible representation to everyone you meet.

Practically speaking, this means that instead of merely praying for peace in the world and wondering why God isn’t answering that prayer, perhaps you should consider whether He’s put that particular desire on your heart because He’s chosen you to do something about it. Maybe He wants to use you as His arms to deliver a loving embrace to your city or family.

I can tell you one thing for sure—God didn’t save you so you could just sit there in your robotic lion and watch 80s cartoons while the body of Christ functions without you. Anytime Voltron went into battle even one lion short, it didn’t end well—at least not until everyone was able to contribute and the body was whole once again.

Luckily, the body of Christ doesn’t have any paralyzed limbs either. As long as you show up, you’ll be given all the power and energy you will need to do whatever He calls you to do. Your life now flows from the same source that’s been empowering countless generations of believers to change the world through His love.

So don’t settle for being a mere spectator. As a member of Christ’s body, you’re now part of the team. You may be the green lion, or perhaps you’re the red one. Either way, the body can’t function as well without you.

So get off the couch and get in the game. We need you.

This post was an excerpt from my book, DONE. 52 Amazing Things that Became True of You the Moment You Trusted Christ.

The entire book is available as individual posts here, but if you prefer a good old-fashion paperback, you can purchase a copy from Amazon.

The post DONE: You Have Become a Member of Christ’s Body appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Smart Quote: A.W. Tozer

Thoughts on this quote? Feel free to discuss them in the comments below.

The post Smart Quote: A.W. Tozer appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.