Stephen Kuhn's Blog, page 13

Weekly Web (W)roundup

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn and sexual addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.

Richard Rohr | The Performance Principle

“It’s not what you do for God; it’s what God has done for you. You switch from trying to love God to just letting God love you. And it’s at that point you fall in love with God.”

Ray Ortlund | We Are Our Secrets

“What if we admitted our weaknesses, owned up to our failures, named our idiot-moments, confessed our follies, errors and debts, and also hid away from everyone’s view our smart ideas, heroic sacrifices, kind deeds, charities and virtues? What if, instead of throwing back at the other guy his worst failure while trotting out our own best moment, we put up our worst against his best? What then? Our hearts might start filling up.”

Lifeway | The 1 Temptation of Every Man

“Men, I can feel it inside me – this urge to simply let things happen. To assume a position of powerlessness. To take the easy road of being uninformed and uninvested. But this is not the road that God has charted out for us. This is not the road that He Himself takes on behalf of us. God is a Father who is actively engaged, not passively aware.”

XXXchurch | 9 Reasons Men Should Stay Away from Porn

“Some people believe that pornography can add excitement to their sex life. However, studies prove just the opposite. Porn actually produces less intimacy between partners, less romantic excitement, and less satisfaction in real sexual experiences.”

Tim Challies | What a Wonder!

“If the Holy Spirit has made his home within you, you can be sure that he will never abandon you. Who or what could ever drive God out of his dwelling place? Is Satan powerful enough to displace the Spirit? Of course not.”

Gospel Coalition | Why God’s Sexual Ethic Is Good for the World

The post Weekly Web (W)roundup appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Weekly Web (W)roundup

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn and sexual addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.

Albert Mohler | From Father to Son — J.R.R. Tolkien on Sex

“Even as Tolkien is celebrated as an author and literary figure, some of his most important messages were communicated by means of letters, and some of the most important letters were written to his sons.”

Gospel Coalition | Not Two Kingdoms, But Two Ages

“Christians are capable of acting both according to the flesh and according to the Spirit. Which further means, activities of the flesh and Spirit will inform the activities of both creation institutions and new creation institutions.”

A Mother Far from Home | The Lion That Wants to Devour Your Family

“In the past, a person had to seek out pornography to find it. They had to have enough balls (so to speak) to go into a store and buy a magazine or book. They had to pay real money to buy a video. They had to go to a strip club or massage parlor or wherever else it could be found. Now… porn finds you.”

CovenantEyes | 19 Possible Motives Triggering Your Porn Consumption

“As you identify the trigger-motive for your sexual sin, we also want you to begin to see how you are treating your sin like a friend, ally, refuge, etc. These insights are essential for repentance to make sense as a central part of change. Unless we see how our sin seeks to replace God in our life, then our need to be made right with God comes across as if God is unduly hung up about our sexuality.”

Dave Willis | 4 Things Every Parent Needs to Know About Porn

“As the conversation continued, it became apparent that even if these kids were exaggerating their own experiences to impress their peers, the stats suggest that their experience is much more common than we’d like to admit.”

And Sons | A Larger Story

The post Weekly Web (W)roundup appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Weekly Web (W)roundup

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn and sexual addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.

Emmaus Blog | The Beautiful Gift of Gospel Community and Why You Need It

“What if our Community Groups were a place to be completely known and completely loved? What if we viewed community as a gift of grace, meant to draw us closer to Jesus?”

Tim Challies | Sex Under Law, Sex Under Grace

“As married people, and especially people who believe that marriage is a lifelong commitment rather than a mere covenant of convenience, we have the joy of working patiently at sex, knowing that our performance never threatens to change the nature of our relationship.”

Russell Moore | Rescuing Men From Fake Love and Fake War

“If you’re addicted to sugar or tequila or heroin you want more and more of that substance. But porn and video games both are built on novelty, on the quest for newer and different experiences. That’s why you rarely find a man addicted to a single pornographic image. He’s entrapped in an ever-expanding kaleidoscope.”

Relevant | How Your ‘Fantasies’ Can Ruin Real Relationships

“So many men and women today are falling in love with a dream; falling in love with someone or something that doesn’t really exist, by taking the character of someone they don’t really know and adding the story that they find themselves living in the world of fantasy falling in love with a dream, falling in love with an idea, but ultimately falling in love with a lie.”

Christ and Pop Culture | The Morgan Grimes Theory

“I don’t believe true friends have to spill their guts out to each other every day. If I don’t want to talk about something with a friend, that’s okay. But if I’m never willing to be open and honest, if I am never able to share any bit of myself beyond surface chitchat, is that a best friendship? Will constantly closing myself off inspire trust and loyalty? I don’t think so, and apparently Morgan doesn’t either.”

Beautiful Eulogy | Entitlement

The post Weekly Web (W)roundup appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Smart Quote: C.H. Spurgeon

Thoughts on this quote? Feel free to discuss them in the comments below.

The post Smart Quote: C.H. Spurgeon appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

If You’re Believing in Uncle George, Let Me Introduce You to My Abba Father

Recently, a friend of mine introduced me to a story he felt perfect explained the way he’d felt about God for some time. The more he shared it with me, the more I realized just how similar my own view of God had been for much of my life. I’m willing to bet many of you—if you’re being honest—will recognize some of your own views in the story that follows as well.

Good Old Uncle George

Source Unknown

God was a family relative, much admired by Mum and Dad, who described him as very loving, a great friend of the family, very powerful and interested in all of us. Eventually we are taken to visit ‘Good Old Uncle George.’ He lives in a formidable mansion, is bearded, gruff and threatening. We cannot share our parents’ professed admiration for this jewel in the family. At the end of the visit Uncle George turns to address us.

‘Now listen, dear,’ he begins, looking very severe, ‘I want to see you here once a week, and if you fail to come, let me just show you what will happen to you.’ He then leads us down to the mansion’s basement. It is dark, becomes hotter and hotter as we descend, and we begin to hear unearthly screams. In the basement there are steel doors. Uncle George opens one.

‘Now look there, dear,’ he says. We see a nightmare vision, an array of blazing furnaces with little demons in attendance, who hurl into the blaze those men, women and children who failed to visit Uncle George or to act in a way he approved.

‘And if you don’t visit me, dear, that is where you will most certainly go,’ says Uncle George. He then takes us upstairs again to meet Mum and Dad. As we go home, tightly clutching Dad with one hand and Mum with the other. Mum leans over us and says, ‘And now don’t you love Uncle George with all your heart and soul, mind and strength?’ And we, loathing the monster, say, ‘Yes, I do,’ because to say anything else would be to join the queue at the furnace. At a tender age religious schizophrenia has set in and we keep telling Uncle George how much we love him and how good he is and that we want to do only what pleases him. We observe what we are told are his wishes and dare not admit, even to ourselves, that we loathe him.

As I stated earlier, this was my view of God for much of my Christian life—and it wasn’t working for me at all. I hid from God, deeply afraid that He would reject me for my sins. I pretended to trust Him and love Him, secretly fearing His wrath and judgement.

Rarely (if ever) did I experience any of the peace, joy, or life I was promised in God’s Word—and now I can see why.

The God I was believing in, Good Old Uncle George, didn’t exist, and thus He would never be able to offer those blessings or change my life. As frightening as it was at first, I had to walk away from Uncle George before I could encounter the real God.

And the same is true for you.

When my friend told me about Uncle George, I knew I had to write my own version of the story. So I asked the Father, how would You like to be introduced to those who still think you’re like Uncle George?

“Tell them I am their Abba,” He replied.

Abba Father

One day I awoke to find myself trapped in pit of destruction so deep and dark there was no possible way I could ever escape. High above me I could see the rope I had spent years slipping down, inch by inch as I tried in vain to climb up it. It quickly became apparent to me that I had finally reached the end of that rope and had no choice but to let go.

Far above the rope I saw a light shining in through the opening of the pit, the same light, I assume, that I’d always sensed shown from where freedom and paradise would be found. The place where I would no longer have to climb using my own power, but could finally experience rest and relief in every fiber of my being.

As I continued to squint upwards, something moved in the light. No, not something… Someone. Eventually I could see that the Someone was the light. As this man moved, it became clear He was moving towards me. He reached His arm into the pit, wrapped it gently around my soul, and began to lift me up.

Instantly, something in me recoiled. It may have been from His glorious light against my eyes after they had grown so used to the darkness. Perhaps it was the shock of seeing all the mud and slime on me smearing against the whiteness of His garment. Whatever it was, it caused me to shout, “Stop! You don’t know who I am or what I’ve done. I’ve tried in vain to climb the rope but I’ve failed countless times. I so desperately want out of this pit, but I can’t let you take me like this. Please give me more time to clean myself up first and then I’ll climb up to meet you.”

The thing is, if I’m being honest, I knew I could never clean myself up. There was no water around with which to do so. I could smear the mud to different places perhaps, but I could never make myself clean. Furthermore, how was I supposed to reach that rope again? It was impossible. It always had been, and still was, impossible.

In that moment, I heard the man speak to me in the most loving, gentle, yet immensely powerful voice I had ever heard. “You are correct to recognize that you can’t clean yourself up or climb out on your own. What you are just beginning to realize though, is you were never asked to do any of that. I am the only One who can do those things for you. In fact, I already have. All those years you were hanging there, trying to climb up to paradise on your own, my hand was below you waiting for you to simply drop into it. Like many others though, you had to hit the bottom before you could look away from the rope and see me. But even though you’ve fallen and hit bottom, it’s not too late for you. It’s never to late.”

“Who are you?” I asked the man. “Why are you doing this?”

“I am life. I am love. I am light. I am not who you’ve been told that I am, yet I am infinitely more than you’ve ever dreamed I am. For now, you can rest simply knowing that I AM.

“As for my motive… I am doing this because I love you. I created you, and you are my favorite—my masterpiece—no matter how flawed you believe yourself to be. There is nothing in the universe I want more than to be with you, the real you, and I will do whatever it takes to ensure that we will be together—always.

“You may think the filth that clings to you will cause me to reject you, but I can assure you it never will. I have known every speck of dirt on your body from before you were born, including the muck that you haven’t even wallowed in yet. And knowing all of that, I still sent my Son, Jesus, to clean it off for you.”

As I listened to Him tell me the story of how His son gave his life to cleanse me, I began to believe that perhaps it was true. Not just in a general sense, but that this story was true specifically for me. It was then that I felt something new. I looked down at my waist and noticed the mud was completely gone, allowing my skin to breathe for the first time. As the man continued to speak, a pleasant wind swirled around me. I quickly realized this feeling was no breeze, but His breath filling my soul with abundant life for the first time.

“I see you are beginning to believe and receive my life, son.”

“Son?” I questioned. “Why did you just refer to me as your son?”

“Because from this day forward, you will always be my son and I will always be your Father. The very moment you trusted in my Jesus, you became united with Him. And for that reason you will never again be the man you used to be. You are a new creation, washed clean with His blood and filled with the very same Spirit that raised Him from the dead. You have been eternally adopted into My family, and nothing will ever change that. There is nothing you could ever do, think, say, or imagine that will cause me to love you any less than I love Jesus himself.”

As He spoke, these words of love and acceptance became like pure water to my parched soul. I realized the pit, even though I had always despised it, no longer felt like the place I was supposed to be. I now could see my true home was with Him.

“Please,” I asked the man. “Tell me your name so I will know how to call on you.”

“To you, my son, I am your Abba.” He replied to me in His now familiar voice of comfort. “And do call on me often. I am always with you and willing to talk, no matter what you’re going through. Like I said earlier, you are (and always have been) my favorite.”

As I reclined into the arms of my Abba, I finally understood what true peace felt like. Never again would I need to climb that rope in a desperate attempt to reach the freedom of paradise. Paradise, it turns out, had been reaching down to me this whole time.

Friends, Abba is real, and He loves you more than you can ever imagine. If you’re still believing in Good Old Uncle George, you already know he’s not working for you. Walk, no, RUN away from his lies and into the arms of your true creator who loves you with the exact same love He has for His son, Jesus.

I promise you, if you allow yourself to rest in the arms of Abba Father, you will find the peace, joy, and life you’ve been longing for all along.

The post If You’re Believing in Uncle George, Let Me Introduce You to My Abba Father appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Weekly Web (W)roundup

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn and sexual addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.

Cripplegate | 3 Differences Between Christianity & Other Religions

“While many of the world’s religions have similar features, biblical Christianity differs radically from them all. There are a handful of things which put it in a category of its own. Without understanding these differences, we cannot properly comprehend Christianity.”

Relevant | 5 Movies Every Man Should Watch

“A great film is not simply a good way to spend a mindless Friday night. It can also be motivating, redemptive, and helpful in spurring you on toward maturity in your faith journey. In fact almost every great story possesses characteristics that reflect the gospel.”

Brad Hambrick | “Papa’s an Idiot” Letter and Heretical Psalms

“We do not have to choose between honesty and reverence because of psalms like these. God is not agreeing that our experience is objectively true, but he is demonstrating his willingness to sometimes put compassion before instruction.”

Samuel D. James | A Few Thoughts on “Purity Culture”

“Many of evangelical culture’s ideas about sexuality, marriage, and relationships have borne bad fruit. I’ve heard from many people who, like me, were raised in a conservative evangelical context, but unlike me, were exposed to a grievously harsh and legalistic theology that shamed, alienated, and wounded them.”

The Babylon Bee | Man Suffers Fractured Neck After Bouncing Eyes Too Hard

“Fitch then summoned a nurse to turn off the hospital television since he found himself unable to bounce his eyes from an inappropriate commercial, due to his neck injury.”

Flame | Start Over

The post Weekly Web (W)roundup appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

My Story: How I Went from Living a Lie to a Life Worth Living—Part I

The following story is the first chapter from my book, 10 Lies Men Believe About Porn, available now wherever books are sold. It is presented here in eight parts and should take you no more than ten minutes to read. If you would rather read it off-line, you can sign up for our monthly newsletter to receive a free PDF download of the first three chapters of the book as my thank-you gift for signing up.

 

I am about to tell you my story for three reasons. First, to show you I am a deeply flawed human just like everyone else. The sin and pain I am capable of producing is astounding. Likewise, my ability to deceive myself into ignoring and justifying my issues is equally shocking. It would seem I have no business writing a book advising anybody of anything. Nonetheless, here I am.

Second, there is a lot of healing that comes from the honest telling of our stories, both for the storyteller and for the audience. I have found over the years of telling my story that we really aren’t all that different. As you read the slow motion, instant replay of the highlights (and low-lights) in my journey, I hope you are able to see glimpses of your own story. The details will be different, but the themes will likely be similar in spots. Remember, you are not alone in this struggle.

Finally, I tell you my story to give you a sense of hope as you live out your own story, no matter what chapter you are living in today. If God can use a man such as me in His kingdom, not just in spite of my sordid past, but because of my sordid past, think of what He can do with you!

The Spark

I still remember the first time my eyes were opened to what became my drug of choice. I was no older than 12, exploring the woods on my bike with a few friends. We would frequently ride these trails behind the college football stadium and build jumps. Epic jumps. It felt like we were flying six feet in the air, though I’m sure it was only six inches, if that.

Even now I only want to talk about the bikes and jumps and steer the conversation away from the issue of the magazine. It’s tempting to make small talk and never allow anyone below the surface—I think it’s a guy thing. How about those Seahawks? That Russell Wilson looks like he may just work out for them, huh?

Anyway, we stumbled across a homeless camp one afternoon. No one was home at the time, so as any adventurous middle-school boys would do, we started to explore. Who knew what treasures we would find? It was empty beer cans, broken bottles, and a soggy sleeping bag sitting outside by a fire ring. But the end of the rainbow seemed to be shining upon the weathered orange tent. We cautiously unzipped it, scared that it might have somebody sleeping inside, but found it empty…almost. Just inside the door of the tent was the object that begins this type of story for many men of my generation: a Playboy magazine.

I’m not sure if any of us had ever seen a naked woman before we found the magazine. I never had. I had developed plenty of crushes and the normal adolescent curiosities, but I really had no idea what existed beneath the mysterious layers of clothing women always had on. I knew there was something I wanted to see but had never had the opportunity.

Somehow I ended up getting to keep the magazine. I think it was something similar to Gollum wrestling the ring from the hands of Frodo, but that may be an exaggeration. All I know for sure is it ended up hidden deep within my closet, and a lifestyle of hiding, lying, deception, and lust had suddenly sunk deep roots into my soul.

Fueling the Fire

I look back now and can’t see a moment where I wasn’t addicted to porn. I believe for me it began the instant I laid eyes on that magazine. There are numerous reasons for this that are starting to make a lot of sense as I put the pieces back together in my mind. First, God has made me intensely visual. I am a designer by trade and have always been drawn toward visual beauty. I see colors, textures, details, and shapes on a deeper level then most people. You can imagine the effect this has on my appreciation of the female form. The other reason, which is subtler but more influential, was how I viewed myself during that moment of discovery.

I was an awkward kid—chubby, pimply, and nerdy. I would spend my lunch hours hiding in the school library reading Black Belt magazine even though I had no martial arts training whatsoever. I guess I thought if I could order the throwing stars from the catalog in the back I would suddenly be cool or something. I wasn’t all that popular with the ladies. Maybe I would have been, but I had convinced myself that girls wouldn’t like me, so I avoided them to eliminate any opportunities for rejection. If I never talk to them, they can’t say no, right?

So there I was, lonely, intensely visual, pubescent hormones raging, scared of female rejection, and finally in possession of what I thought was a “solution.” The women in this magazine would never reject me. They didn’t care what I looked like. They didn’t mind my nerdiness. They would be there to satisfy all my curiosities, my sexual needs, and even my deep desire for human connection. These were all lies of course—the magazine wasn’t doing any of this—but I believed them…big time.

Continue reading: My Story—Part II

The post My Story: How I Went from Living a Lie to a Life Worth Living—Part I appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Weekly Web (W)roundup

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn and sexual addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.

Brad Hambrick | 5 Levels of Motivation for Overcoming Addiction

“Don’t feel ashamed of your conflicted motives. God already knows and he still wants to help. The only person you can lie to is yourself and those who love you.”

Janet Newberry | Grace as a Second Language

“There’s no test for mastery in the language of grace; fluent language speakers are recognized by the way they influence others for good. – Also by the way they articulate humility and peaceful submission to appropriate authority. You’ll know you’ve experienced a fluent speaker of grace when you experience peace, personal maturity, real healing of your heart, true joy, and when your own life bears good fruit – that lasts.”

LifeWay | 3 Reasons Men’s Small Groups Are Difficult to Lead

“Coaching 6-year-old football is challenging, time-consuming, and requires loads of emotional energy. Why? Because football teams of 6-year-olds are difficult to lead. But quite possibly, not as difficult as men’s Bible study groups. In speaking with ministry leaders across the country, I’m convinced that leading a men’s small group is one of, if not the most difficult task in a local church.”

Storyline | One Reason You’re Not Making The Progress You Wish You Were

“Admitting to my struggling faith does not separate me from God; it is the pretending that I have none that does.”

Dave Willis | 7 Ways Modern Man is Failing

“If we will be willing to refocus on these areas and humbly make course corrections where needed, I believe we could improve our lives, our families and our legacies.”

Barbara Walters Interviews Johnny Cash on Faith

The post Weekly Web (W)roundup appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Weekly Web (W)roundup

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn and sexual addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.

The Gospel Coalition | How Celibacy Can Fulfill Your Sexuality

“We know we are sexual beings. We know this sexuality is meant to mean something. But unless we know what our sexuality is for, we won’t understand how it’s meant to work.”

I Am Second | I Was Addicted to Porn and Here’s How I Stopped

“When I couldn’t get rid of my addiction, I started to believe it was who I was. I was a terrible person, and if I was a terrible person, I couldn’t expect to behave any differently. Every time I gave in to my addiction, it reinforced this idea and wrapped me tighter and tighter into my destructive behavior.”

LifeWay | 5 Mistakes Pastors Make in Reaching Men

“From fresh flowers to bulletin shells splashed with pastel colors, the design of many churches pings the feminine meter. They do not feel like places men are typically comfortable. Think stadiums, man caves, and garages.”

Steve McVey | Does God Keep Score?

“f your understanding of who God is has been framed by the traditional teachings of a legalistic religious world, you’re not likely to see Him in any other way. If you see your God as one who is primarily concerned about your actions, if you see Him as one who is disappointed when you do wrong, if you see Him as one who stands ready to punish those who fail and reward those who do their best to do the right thing, you have been taken captive by an Adamic view of God.”

XXXChurch | Does Memorizing Bible Verses Actually Help My Sexual Purity?

“The Bible is not a rulebook that teaches us how to live; it’s a map that shows us the way to discipleship through emulating the resurrected Christ.”

Steve Brown | When Prodigals Go Back to the Pigs

The post Weekly Web (W)roundup appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Smart Quote: Henri Nouwen

Thoughts on this quote? Feel free to discuss them in the comments below.

The post Smart Quote: Henri Nouwen appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.