Jamie Beck's Blog, page 15

Love of Learning

When we hear the word love, we first think of relationships.  I suppose that makes sense, because the desire to love and be loved is as instinctive as the desire for food and air.  But your life can be filled with other kinds of love, too.  A love of art or music, for example.  And for many, a love of learning plays an important role in their well-being and happiness.

I’m one of them–of those who are energized by learning.  I’m not just talking about the formal education I received while pursuing my law and M.B.A. degrees, either.  I love to learn about people, places, and events (large and small).  I love to engage with others, preferably in an intimate setting, and debate six sides of the same argument.  And I love to learn more about the craft of writing from writers who are ahead of me on the learning curve.

I’m eagerly anticipating a master class workshop being hosted by my Connecticut Romance Writers of America chapter this weekend, featuring best-selling author Cherry Adair.  I’m sure I’ll be inspired, personally and professionally, by the end of the weekend.  I’m also excited to contribute to the fundraising effort this year by putting together a basket of goodies for the silent auction.  I’m thinking I’ll giveaway one of these on my blog when my book releases, too.

I hope you have plans for your weekend that will invigorate you and enrich your life.  Anyone care to share?

XO-jamie

 

Music, Romance, and Books

I’m currently immersing myself in developing the hero and heroine of a new story I’m about to start writing. They are first introduced as supporting characters in a manuscript I’m just finishing, so some of their core traits are already established. Still, it’s fun to begin to build a world around each of them. Who was their best friend in high school? What is their favorite food or color? What was their biggest childhood embarrassment? The better I know and write them, the more multidimensional they’ll come across to the reader.

I draw from a lot of sources to create realistic characters, including personal experience, movies, photographs, and music. Always music. Since this story is set in the Rocky Mountains (probably my favorite spot in our country), I’ve got a lot of great material to play with during the research phase.

My new heroine, Kelsey Callihan, is a hopeless romantic who has a hard time accepting defeat when it comes to matters of the heart. I’m thinking this lovely tune by The Civil Wars is a perfect fit for her. And since I love to share music with others, I’m linking this Youtube video (credited to Lilian de V.) so you can listen, too.

If you’ve never heard of The Civil Wars but appreciate great harmony, you should check out their music.  You might recognize Kingdom Come from the movie The Hunger Games. I also love the song Poison & Wine.

Care to share any music with me? I’m open to every genre except heavy metal and really hard/punk rock.

xo-

Jamie

Sex and Emotional Intimacy

As someone with a passion for psychology, one of my favorite aspects of writing fiction is doing the research for new characters. For example, in my upcoming debut, my hero’s mother abandoned him when he was nine. Having no personal experience with that situation, I read many articles about the impact parental abandonment might have on a child’s psychological/emotional development, and the ways that impact might manifest itself in adulthood. Hopefully that work helped me create a realistic character.

But beyond writing, sometimes my research helps me with my own life and outlook, as happened recently while doing some homework on barriers to emotional intimacy (a very common problem for heroes and/or heroines in romance novels).

Copyright: limonzest / 123RF Stock Photo

Throughout my life, I’ve been very comfortable handling criticism and openly discussing difficult personal issues. However, I usually have not been as comfortable accepting compliments or professing positive, intimate feelings. For some reason, I feel more vulnerable admitting to those emotions than I do addressing problems.  Perhaps the risk of rejection seems higher when saying “I love you” (where you don’t expect rejection) than when dealing with obstacles (where you are already confronting some kind of rejection). Whatever the reason, this difficulty can lead to feeling disconnected from the people I love.

If pressed, I could offer a dozen reasons why I’m so inept when it comes to ooey-gooey stuff, but one reason I hadn’t considered until today involves premarital sex. Not the fact that I had it, but apparently the “when” I had it matters. According to Five Levels of Intimacy, a relationship can get stunted at the level of emotional intimacy in which you first have sex, even if you’ve been married for fifteen years!  Because many people have sex very early in a relationship, getting stuck at a less-than-ideal level of emotional closeness is a real possibility.

Of course, working with your partner, you can “unstick” the relationship through counseling and other methods. The “sex fast” mentioned in the article might not be too appealing to your partner, but maybe the lasting benefits make it worth considering.

If you are feeling emotionally disconnected from your partner, you may want to read the full article. Although the author is working from a faith-based position, I think her points resonate even if you do not share her religious beliefs. In any case, I’m impressed by her honesty.  It’s inspired me to do some of the hard work I need to do in my own relationships.

As I embark on my journey, do you care to share any tips for increasing emotional intimacy?

XO-Jamie

Romantic Summer Reading

Many people believe summer is the most romantic season of the year. I’m not sure I agree with them, because my summers typically consist of a house full of kids and lots of travel with extended family…not intimate trips to France for wine-and-cheese picnics with my husband.

But there are some very romantic elements of the season, like the late evening sunsets, warm summer rain, the slightly slower pace people adopt in their daily lives, and the crickets’ chirping music drifting through the open windows at night. And let’s not forget those wonderful beach books, full of romance and adventure.

Sunrise at Palmetto Dunes, HHI 2014

Long flights or car rides are ideal for finally getting around to one’s “to be read” pile. Mine is growing dangerously long. Thank goodness it’s electronic, otherwise I’d be dealing with a bit of a storage problem in my office.

I read some fun romances this summer and tried some “new to me” authors, but there are a few books I still need to get to, including some recent and upcoming releases. Courtney Milan’s The Suffragette Scandal is sitting on my virtual bookshelf, unopened. I’ve been waiting a year for Karen Robard’s third Charlotte Stone book, Her Last Whisper, which drops next week–FINALLY. Then I also have friends with debut books launching this fall, like Regina Kyle’s Triple Threat, and Sheila Athen’s The Truth About Love, among others.

One bonus of a long list is that, as summer turns to fall, the books let you extend the “romance” a little longer.

So tell me, what books are still on your TBR pile?

XO–Jamie

Girlfriend Getaways…and Sangria!

Short getaways with my gal pals always do wonders for my energy level. Getting out of Dodge for quick trips is a favorite way to rest and recharge so I can return home ready to tackle real life again. For me, any destination will do the trick, but I especially love my family home in The Land of Enchantment: Santa Fe, New Mexico.

Sunset in Placitas

Lucky for me, Jamie’s writing convention in Texas coincided with one of my visits home. So she hopped over here, and we spent the last few days hiking the beautiful Tent Rocks, enjoying a massage at Ten Thousand Waves, and eating the spicy local food (I got Jamie to try her enchiladas “Christmas” style, which means having both red and green sauce). Despite those activities, we spent most of our time “porching”. Just sitting under our covered porch in rocking chairs talking, laughing, crying, watching the storms roll in, and okay, sipping white wine sangria.

Tent Rocks National Park

Now that I’m back on my own for a few days, I’m reminded of the restorative power of friendship.  We may rely on our husbands, boyfriends, and children for love and support, but the type of trust and love in friendship among women is one of the strongest and most crucial I know.  It’s not a relationship we should ever take for granted.

“Porching” with Sangria

Have you been hanging out with your friends enough? If not, pick up the phone and make a plan. And just in case you need the white wine sangria, here is the recipe:

Martha Stewart’s Summer Fruit Sangria…A pitcher of this made with white wine, fruit and liqueur will get the party started!

Ingredients

6 cups assorted fruits (such as mango, peaches, cantaloupe, and pineapple)

¼ cup thinly sliced peeled fresh ginger

1 to 1 ½ cups fresh basil or mint leaves

½ cup orange liqueur, such as Cointreau

1 bottle crisp white wine, such as Sauvignon Blanc or Pinot Grigio

3 tablespoons fresh lemon juice (from 1 lemon)

Ice

Directions

In a large pitcher, combine fruit, ginger, basil or mint, and orange liqueur. Mash gently with the back of a wooden spoon until basil is bruised and fruit releases juices. Add wine and lemon juice and stir to combine. Refrigerate 1 hour (or up to one day). To serve, fill eight glasses with ice and top with sangria.

XO–Katherine

Defending the Romance Genre

During the past two weeks, two interesting articles have been written about the romance genre being reviled. A wonderful author, Barbara O’Neal, first raised the question in her article, The Perplexing Problem of Romance. This week another writer, Porter Anderson, sought to get answers to Ms. O’Neal’s questions from his readership in an article entitled You Tell Me, Why is Romance Reviled?

After reading both articles and their comments, I don’t have a great answer to the question of why romance is reviled, except to suggest that it is easy to trivialize it because, on the surface, it doesn’t appear to demand as much from the writer or reader as other commercial fiction genres.  Spy novels require “research,” mysteries can have “complicated” plot points, and so on.  Love…well, that’s not so hard, right?  I mean, we all know about love.

However, a well-written love story demands a ton of emotional investment, empathy, and psychological understanding from both the writer and reader.  And talent? Let me suggest it is easier to create story tension when you have bad guys on the verge of destroying the planet than when you start with boy meets girl.  Plus, every romance writer I know conducts research about their character’s professions, the setting, and other major elements of their stories.

A great romance gets to the heart of what makes life worth living.  Mr. Anderson’s “money books” analogy doesn’t work, because money is not what makes our hearts beat.  We don’t wax poetic about money.  Money isn’t a dynamic thing.  And acquisitiveness is generally not a respected trait (who likes greed?), while being loving/lovable/loved IS.  Love and sex changes lives—ruins many (look at all the famous, powerful people who end up ruining their careers and families over love and sex)—and is infinitely more challenging and unpredictable than the pursuit of wealth.

To those who call romance “cheesy,” I think they are lumping the good in with the bad.  There are poorly written books and characters in every genre, not just romance, so that reason for “hating romance” doesn’t resonate with me.  I suspect many people who diss romance novels have probably not read many, or are taking a somewhat snobbish approach to “literature.”  Romance novels (whether historical, paranormal, erotica or contemporary/women’s fiction) deliver several hours of entertainment, just like other commercial fiction does to its particular readership.

One response to Mr. Anderson’s post asked how anyone could read about relationships with happy endings over and over?  Let me tell you, it is as easy as choosing to read spy or murder mysteries over and again (don’t the good guys usually beat the bad guys in the end?).

Commercial fiction is fun, fast-paced, escapist, and satisfying to readers of the particular genre in question.  Romance writers are not trying to be literary writers.  They aren’t trying to “enlighten” the world or impress anyone with their unique or profound take on life.  They’re mostly hoping to entertain their fans with a fresh story about love.

I know that, as a new “nearly published” author, I still find myself feeling a bit apologetic when someone asks me what I write. Then, of course, I get angry with myself. After reading these recent essays, I’m going to stop apologizing.  From now on, I’ll just look for fans who will appreciate what I have to offer, and stop worrying about all the people who will poke fun at my hard work.

XO–Jamie

Cover Reveal!

I’m so excited to share the cover of my debut novel, In The Cards, with you!  I want to thank everyone who has been so encouraging, supportive, and helpful throughout this interesting, challenging, and sometimes frustrating journey into the world of publishing.

Here’s the story blurb:

Lindsey Hilliard flees her charmed life in New York searching for answers after her fiancé’s betrayal fills her with self-doubt. Unfortunately, her rented Malibu home is next door to Levi Hardy, the sexy but insufferable man who humiliated her years ago.

Hardened by a grim past he keeps concealed, Levi prefers maintaining a comfortable distance from folks, especially a nosy princess like Lindsey. But then a motorcycle collision brings him to his knees, forcing him to accept her assistance with his recovery. Sparks begin to fly when the woman who doesn’t believe in herself teaches the cynic how to have faith in others. Levi realizes his spine will recover, but his heart won’t if Lindsey returns to the ex who wants her back.

In the biggest gamble of his life, Levi teaches her to trust her own voice, and he hopes she’ll use it to say good-bye to her past and hello to a future with him.

Can’t wait for the book launch in December!

XO–Jamie

Cover:  By the Montlake Romance art department

Summer Sizzle

Today is the last day of school for my two kids.  I remember feeling the same eager anticipation I’ve watched them experience all week.  The countdown, the school parties and field days, the daydreams about the beach, the thrill of turning off the alarm clock for the next two months.  Ah, sweet, sweet summertime.

Doesn’t work quite that way for most adults, though.  For those who work, vacation weeks are too few, and rarely consecutive.  For stay-at-home parents, the hours spent helping with school projects and carpooling to sports practices are simply replaced by ferrying kids to summer camps and hosting sleepovers.  Responsibility doesn’t disappear just because the temperature jumps.  If anything, having the kids around more often usually means more work for us parents, not less.

Still, summer still offers adults an opportunity to inject our lives with some sizzle, too.  Why should the kids have all the fun?  Here’s my shortlist of simple ways to add a little summer fun to your busy life:

1.  Sit on your patio, deck, or balcony with a favorite drink (be it wine, iced tea, or some other beverage) for no less than twenty minutes every evening.  Listening to the sounds of a summer evening can help you relax, and take you back to a time when you played kick-the-can until the street lights came on.

2.  Cook healthier.  Fire up the grill and take advantage of the seasonal fruits and veggies.  Eating lighter makes you feel lighter (take it from a girl who LOVES her pasta).

3.  Go out to dinner with friends on a weeknight.  Sure, you can do this any time of year, but many restaurants now have outdoor seating areas in the summer, and the later sunsets stretch out the evening.  Why the weeknight?  Because during the school year it is almost impossible to find a free weeknight.  Take advantage while you can…you’ll be happy come September.

4.  Soak up the sun.  Yes, I know.  Use sunscreen.  Lots of it.  But taking walks or reading outdoors are two wonderful, quiet activities that give you a “mini-break” from your regular activities and routines.  Those little breaks lift the spirit and renew your energy.

5.  Take a vacation.  No, not just the family vacation you’ve planned. Plan a special trip for you and your spouse/partner/best friend.  It doesn’t have to be a week-long event.  Just two nights within driving distance.  But explore a new area so you, too, can feel like a kid making a new discovery.

How about you?  What do you like to do in the summer that you rarely can do during the rest of the year?

XO–Jamie

On A Dime

I was having a terrific Saturday morning. Woke up to glorious sunshine. Enjoyed an al fresco breakfast consisting of a cup of tea, eggs, and fresh berries with my husband on our patio. Started my daughter on a weeding project while I threw in some laundry and worked on critiques for two other writers.   Capped it off with a vigorous three-mile walk.

All in all, a great start to the weekend.

Then I read a bulletin about a local family who just lost their two-year-old son in a car accident in their driveway. BAM! Life as they knew it is over…forever. I hate learning of family tragedies, especially when they involve children. My heart and thoughts go out to this family, as I’m sure yours do, too.

But beyond our condolences, this incdent is a reminder that our lives can turn on a dime.

When this kind of event happens, it shakes me up—makes me ask a lot of questions. Am I doing everything I should be doing, for myself and my family? Am I living the life I want to live? What more can I do to invest in the people I love? Have I struck a healthy balance between work and family? Do I spend enough time with friends?   At the end of it all, what will my legacy be?

When I thought through this mental inventory just now, I’d estimate I’m batting about eighty percent. That’s not bad, but if something happens tomorrow to drastically alter my world, I will wish I had been closer to one hundred percent. Not much in life is certain, but I know this one thing for sure: only I can create the life I want to live. No one else can do it for me.

Guess I’ve got some work to do.

How about you? Are you running on all cylinders, or have you become complacent?

XO-Jamie

Photo Credit: http://www.stellatesori.com/time-reco...

Advice for the Lovelorn

A good friend and I were recently discussing her college-aged daughter’s first experience with an on-and-off again relationship where the guy was also pressuring her about sex. Our conversation made me think about the advice I will give my own daughter once she is older and becomes more embroiled in romantic relationships.

As someone who learned a lot about love from making bad decisions, I’d love to spare others those hard lessons by sharing the wisdom I’ve acquired throughout the years:

DON’T make excuses for him.  If he’s letting you down and/or unable to commit for any reason, it’s because he doesn’t care enough.  It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care at all, but you should only give you heart to someone who is equally interested (otherwise you risk continual heartache and increasing insecurity during the relationship).

DON’T think you can change his feelings.  Just as some boy who’s pining away for you can’t make you like him more because of how much he likes you or tries to please you, you can’t make someone like you more.  If you’ve dated a while, the feeling is there or it’s not.  It’s better to walk away than settle for less than you deserve. If he misses you, he’ll come looking, and if that happens, make him earn your trust back.

DO think about the advice you’d give a friend if she were in your shoes.  When your heart is engaged, you cannot be objective.  Period.  Even when you think you are and can, it is impossible.  But if you consider how you would view your relationship dynamic if it was your BFF’s and she was asking your advice, it will help you keep a better perspective, and keep you from making poor choices and being taken advantage of or taken for granted.

Protect yourself.  This applies to your emotional and physical well-being.  When you become vulnerable to someone, they have the power to hurt your heart.  When you give yourself physically, you up the stakes (even when you think you are having fun and can handle it).  Rejection after sex and emotional vulnerability is difficult for everyone to handle, and if it happens more than once, it will slowly eat away at your self-esteem.  Remember, most relationships ultimately fail, so make sure when you decide to give your heart and soul and body, you and he both think it is something special.  That way, even if it ends, you won’t feel remorse.

And it almost goes without saying: condoms are critical in the prevention of sexually transmitted diseases. I’ve heard too many stories of people in committed relationships who’ve been burned when their partner cheats and they end up paying the price with a lifelong disease.

Be Patient. Remember you are beautiful and talented and kind, and there will be someone who recognizes and adores your uniqueness.  Don’t get hung up on the toads along the way.  Life is too short and youth is fleeting.  Pursue your own dreams with passion, and the rest will follow.

Upon reflection, I think this advice is applicable to friendships as well. So tell me, do you agree with my advice? Have anything else to share with others?

XO-Jamie

Photo credit:  Copyright: nyul / 123RF Stock Photo