Jamie Beck's Blog, page 13

Identifying Love

How does one identify love? You can’t “see” it. The words can be spoken, but if they aren’t followed through with actions, those words turn as brittle and hollow as a cheap chocolate Easter bunny. Lust and infatuation often masquerade as love, but when the initial burn fades, then what?

I suppose the answer may vary depending on the individual needs of each person. One clue, however, may be found in how a person expresses his or her love for others.

What am I talking about?  I’m guessing many people express their love, consciously or subconsciously, in the exact way they would like to be loved.

For example, some people shower a lover with over-the-top gifts and surprises. They enjoy indulging the object of their affection, and seeing that person’s joyful response. I suspect those same people might measure how much they are loved based on whether or not their lover goes to extremes for them, too.  Other people are physically affectionate, offering little hugs, pecks on the nose, and cute pinches on the bottom whenever their loved one brushes past them. Again, I’d bet those same people crave that level of affection in return.

I try to anticipate what the people I love need or want, and then I look for ways to give it to them without them having to ever ask. I don’t always get it right (oh, if only I could read minds), but the fact that I attempt proves that they matter. I’m taking time away from thinking of myself in order to think of them. Taking time away from what I want to do for myself in order to do for them. To me, this is loving, and yes, when someone anticipates my needs or desires without me ever asking, I feel known and loved.

Do you agree or disagree?

xo-jamie

A Valentine’s Day Swap…

Get your mind out of the gutter. I’m not suggesting anything untoward! This is really more of a poll than a post.

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Let me start off by noting that, in my youth, I put energy into creating romance on Valentine’s Day.  Sometimes of the serious type, sometimes the silly. I bought the cards (usually several). I baked heart-shaped cakes and left them in apartments as a surprise. I bought gifts or planned special events. I dressed up in red silk lingerie, lit candles, and filled bubble baths. I did it all, and I enjoyed it. Looked forward to it, even!

And then I got married, had kids, and grew older. Now Valentine’s Day can feel like just another thing on my unending “to do” list, yet acknowledging that makes me truly sad.

But we’re busy people, and some of us just aren’t as creative as we used to be.  To make it easier for everyone to enjoy the holiday, I’m hoping to encourage you to share one of your favorite Valentine’s experiences in the comments.  Then we can all “borrow” from each other to create a “new to me” experience for ourselves and our significant others.

Sound like fun?  I’ve already listed a couple of my past deeds above, so it’s your turn to share one of your favorite Valentine’s memories with me. Don’t be shy!

xo-Jamie

Tom Brady’s Balls

I may get some flack for this, but I can’t keep quiet.

The recent controversy surrounding the Patriots’ deflated footballs is the topic du jour as we look forward to Super Bowl Sunday. I’ll be honest—I’ve never been a fan of that team. This isn’t the first whiff of a cheating scandal, and probably won’t be the last. I may not have hard evidence of wrongdoing, but 11 out of 12 underinflated footballs does not sound like a coincidence.

What galls me most is that neither the coach nor Tom Brady will admit any culpability. For better or worse, Brady is a sports hero to many, and he knows it. What kind of message does it send to kids and young adults when he (and his team) deny any fault during the investigation?

And doesn’t he realize that, in his effort to maintain his innocence, he’s made himself look incompetent and cowardly to anyone with half a brain? Even if he didn’t direct the equipment manager to deflate the balls once weighed, I’d respect him more if he’d at least acknowledge that he noticed the difference during the game.

I mean, come on!  Does he expect us to believe that a man who has made his living throwing footballs, and who is on record a couple of years ago as having a preference for deflated footballs, couldn’t tell the difference that day? How is that possible when the other players (ones who don’t touch the ball nearly as often as a quarterback) could tell? Common sense tells us that any quarterback would have been especially particular about his footballs during such a critical game.  According to this ESPN link, other NFL players don’t buy Tom Brady’s denial, and neither do I.

And while we can never know whether the mental advantage and confidence Brady derived from playing with those deflated balls made a significant difference in the outcome against the Colts, one thing is clear: some of the biggest losers in this scandal are the Patriots fans.

Not only is the team’s recent championship win corrupted, but now its fans can’t even enjoy the anticipation of Sunday’s game because the news coverage is all about the scandal. Worse, even if the Patriots beat the Seahawks on Sunday, that win will be tainted with the question: did they even deserve to play?

Needless to say, I’ll be rooting for the Seahawks on February 1st…how about you?

xo-Jamie

Mental Strength

Lots of people make fitness resolutions in January, but 99% of the time they’re talking strictly about physical fitness.  Perhaps most of us fail to think about mental fitness because we believe we’re doing okay, or, if we’re not, we assume we can’t help the way we think.  Either way, when we ignore our mental health, we’re setting ourselves up trouble.

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I read this interesting article in Psychology Today, by licensed social worker Amy Morin, about mental strength.  She discusses thirteen things mentally strong people don’t do.  Nothing on the list is particularly novel advice, but it serves as a good reminder for us all.

The article is worth reading in its entirety, but here’s a list of the 13 things to avoid doing in 2015:

Wasting time feeling sorry for yourself
Giving away your power
Shying away from change
Wasting energy on things you can’t control
Worrying about pleasing others
Fearing taking calculated risks
Dwelling on the past
Repeating the same mistakes
Resenting other people’s success
Giving up after failure
Fearing alone time
Expecting the world to owe you something
Expecting immediate results

When I read through this list, I can identify at least one area where I could improve (point number 4).  I’m also prone to succumb to numbers 3 and 13, too.  Self-awareness is the first step toward improvement, so I’ll embrace the introspection and think about ways to break bad habits this year.

How about you?  Do any of these items make you say “doh!”?  Care to share, or offer tips on how to overcome these weaknesses?

xo-Jamie

Newsletters and Giveaways!

I received the advanced reader copies of Worth the Wait this week, which thrilled me.  I love this story and can’t wait for readers to meet Vivi and David and the rest of the gang.  In order to make that happen before the March 17th release date, I’m going to give an ARC away, together with a free copy of In the Cards, and some other goodies, too.

To be eligible for the giveaway, you need to sign up for my Newsletter.  The newsletter will probably be published no more than two to three times per year, and will include sneak peeks at  new books, unreleased excerpts, chances to win prizes, and other fun stuff.

You can sign up easily here on the blog (see the sign-up button in the right-hand sidebar) or on the landing page of my website.  On Monday, January 12th, I’ll choose someone from the mailing list to whom I’ll send both books and a few other surprises.  I’ll announce the winner here and on my Facebook page.

Thanks for “playing” and following along!

xo-Jamie

Winter Romance

When the temperatures drop into the single digits, people can get a little cranky.  Wind chills keep us indoors more often than is healthy, and heavy comfort foods tempt us to forget about those New Year’s resolutions about diet and exercise.  Shoveling sidewalks and driveways can wear us down, too.  None of these conditions typically inspire romance, do they?

But we can turn it around, because a lot of romance can be found in a snowstorm!

Get bundled up and go for a walk (or snowshoe hike).  Few things are more beautiful than the sunlight glinting off fresh snow, or the quiet crunch of snow beneath your feet.  And it’s a good way to get your blood pumping, which will lift your spirits.  Then, when you return home, start a fire or fill up the tub and light some candles.  Either way, you’ve set up a very romantic tableau for your and your special someone.

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Wintery foods can also be romantic.  How about cheese and chocolate fondue?  Decadent, yummy, and easy to feed each other (all that lip-licking is sure to give you some ideas, too).

Add warm beverages to enhance the mood you’ve incited.  I’ve got a preference for cocoa with whipped cream and chocolate shavings, but mulled cider is also a fine choice.

Top off the evening with a classic romance movie or some good music, and I think you will chase away the mid-winter blahs pretty easily.

What’s one of your favorite ways to create a romantic winter date?

xo-Jamie

A Twist on Resolutions

It’s that time of year again, isn’t it?  I could dust off last year’s list of resolutions, but I fear that could be a bit depressing.  I have a habit of coming up with great ideas, but my follow-through isn’t as good.  Still, the pressure to reassess and improve taunts me.

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Maybe it’s time for a twist on this whole New Year’s resolution thing.  Instead of making sweeping changes, I’m going to simply look at what’s working really well in my life and resolve to keep those things going.  Definitely seems more affirming than itemizing all the things I didn’t do so well and could improve.

So what went well?

Drawing boundaries, for one.  Instead of taking on everyone else’s burdens as my own, I’ve gotten better at knowing when to step out of a situation, especially when it’s really between third parties.  I’ve finally accepted the fact that I can’t fix things for anyone.  We all have to fix our own stuff!

Exercise.  I squeezed it in just under the wire in 2014, but I’ve gotten back into exercise thanks to my blog mate, Katherine’s, harassment!  I think this summer will be the first in two years when I’m not dreading putting on a bathing suit.  And maybe I’ll be able to do a few pull-ups by June, too.  Who knows?  Miracles do happen!

Junk Food.  Amazingly, I’ve cut out a lot of junk food in recent weeks, and I haven’t even missed it too much.  If you knew me well, that would shock you, because I’m a junk food junkie.  Although I haven’t seen a drop in weight as a result, I do feel better about myself for having some self-control, so that’s a great benefit.

TV.  I admit it.  I love nighttime TV dramas like The Good Wife, Stalker, Nashville, and a variety of others.  My husband teases me because he doesn’t like these shows (then again, he’s a fan of Tosh 2.0, so what does he know about good TV?), but I feel NO guilt indulging my TV habit.  I love my DVR and will continue to worship it in 2015!

Flexibility.  I’m a fairly rigid person, and strongly prefer plans and order.  I don’t deal well with chaos.  But with a teenager and pre-teen in the house, I’ve been working on being a little more flexible with their last minute requests and changes in plans.  It’s a balancing act, to be sure, but I think my kids appreciate my effort and feel their complaints have been heard.

How about you?  Share something that you resolve to keep doing in 2015.

xo-Jamie

 

Holiday Baking…and Other Disasters

I knew before we started that my daughter’s and my plan to bake Christmas cookies would not become a blissful Betty Crocker memory. First, I’m not a baker. And when I do bake, I prefer to make brownies or cakes. You know–things that are less time intensive, require just one pass at the oven, and generally are difficult to burn.

But my daughter really wanted to make the pretty iced cookies she saw on the cover of every magazine at the checkout line, so I went along.

Within minutes, confectioner’s sugar had spilled all over the table, along with a container of green sprinkles. Greasy fingerprints and red gel icing dotted the counters. And the cute candy cane and wreath shaped cookies we attempted to create ultimately spread and melted into blobs on the cookie sheets.

When we tried to ice one batch, we didn’t wait long enough, so that first smear of icing just tore off the top halves of the cookies. We burned the bottoms of another batch of chocolate cookies. My daughter tried to salvage what we didn’t destroy, but needless to say, they look nothing like intended. We can only hope they taste better than they appear.

I wish I could report that I rolled with the punches and giggled and laughed. Sadly, the perfectionist in me just got more disgusted with every mistake. My attempt to share a Christmas moment with my daughter went up in flames (much like that one batch of cookies).   In other words, major fail on my part, despite the smooth voice of Bing Crosby in the background.

Next year I vow to do a better job (assuming my daughter gives me another chance). If I stick to cupcakes and hot chocolate, perhaps I’ve got a shot.

Do you have a Christmas fail story to share?

xo-Jamie

One Week

Exactly one week ago, my debut novel (In the Cards) was released into the world with some fanfare (mostly by my friends and me…LOL).  This milestone sits pretty high on my life’s list.  Certainly not up there with my marriage or the birth of my kids, but definitely above my JD/MBA graduation.

That said, by December 10th life had already returned to the norm:  laundry, groceries, homework checks, and preparing for the upcoming celebrations (my daughter’s birthday today, and Christmas next week).  So at the end of the day, after a few years of work and many months of anticipation, nothing about my life is any different than it was on December 8th other than the fact that I am now a published author.  A distinction which makes a material difference only to me.

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It makes me realize how critical it is that the goals we pursue matter to us, because frankly, they won’t matter much to anyone else.  Yes, family and friends will support and encourage you, they’ll be proud when you announce your success, but then they’ll return their attention to the pressing matters and goals in their own lives.  So if you’re chasing after something solely to please someone else,  stop, because you will probably not be very satisfied once it is accomplished, and will have wasted a lot of time pursuing the wrong thing.

I wish I had learned this lesson at twenty instead of nearly fifty…but better late than never, I suppose.  Now I preach this to my kids and hope that they choose goals for which they have great passion.  That makes the journey as much fun as any accomplishment and, to me, is the ultimate definition of success.

xo-Jamie

 

 

 

5 of My Favorite Things

Move over, Oprah!  I’ve got my own list of favorite things to share with folks this holiday season.  And my things don’t cost a lot, either…

1.  Hot chocolate with whipped cream.  Not the fake watery stuff, but the real deal.  Cocoa made with *gasp* whole milk and topped with homemade whipped cream.  Add a snickerdoodle on the side and I am h-a-p-p-y!

2.  Roaring fires.  We never light one up in our Connecticut house (the firebox is small, the chimney short), but we enjoy raging, crackling fires all winter long in Vermont.  I love the smell of firewood (inside and outside), and nothing beats the indulgence of curling up in front of the fire with a great book.

3.  Holiday music.  I admit, I do love some of the old classics (like Bing, and Nat King Cole), but one of my all-time favorite holiday songs is “Merry Christmas, Darling” by Karen Carpenter.  I also love Christina Aguilera’s version of “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” and Kelly Clarkson’s “My Grown-up Christmas List.”

4.  Pretty wrapping.  As I said the other day, I think my mom spoiled me a bit with this one.  Now, I can’t make my packages look pretty, but I so appreciate other people’s artistry with bows and other decorative wrapping trinkets.  It’s very romantic.

5.  Snow!  Oh, I know.  It creates all kinds of practical problems–traffic, school cancellations, shoveling duties.  But few things on earth are more beautiful than waking up to a thick blanket of snow on the ground and frosting the branches of the trees, or that lovely quiet it creates outside–a muffled kind of peace that practically reaches inside your chest to slow your heart and breathing and force you to relax and appreciate the day.

So those are my top five favorite things about December.  Share one of yours!

xo–Jamie