Scott Burtness's Blog: Scott's Thoughts, page 5
July 12, 2020
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There are no Black-owned bookstores in Minnesota.
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That cannot stand.
Please donate, share, and shop!
https://www.gofundme.com/f/black-garn...
#blackownedbusinesses
#buyblack
September 13, 2019
Woohoo! Wisconsin Vamp is available as an audiobook!
You read that right. Wisconsin Vamp is now available as an audiobook on Amazon, Audible, and in the next day or two, iTunes.
And that’s it. No other news. So, um. Have a good day, I guess. It’s Friday the 13th so watch out for, well, everything. Maybe get a helmet, or better yet, just stay indoors and listen to a nice audiobook.
https://www.audible.com/pd/Wisconsin-...
And that’s it. No other news. So, um. Have a good day, I guess. It’s Friday the 13th so watch out for, well, everything. Maybe get a helmet, or better yet, just stay indoors and listen to a nice audiobook.
https://www.audible.com/pd/Wisconsin-...
March 24, 2019
Sunday Funday
Weekends are great. Writing doesn't pay the bills, so my weekdays are spent doing something not even remotely related to my writing. I like my day job well enough, and I certainly like the money and benefits it provides, but it'll never hold a candle to writing. So Saturday and Sunday are when I do my 'real' work.
Like today. I'm kicking back at a neighborhood cafe, enjoying a warm mug of dark roast, and putting words on the page. Jumping back into a WIP is like visiting old friends that have been patiently waiting for me to swing 'round again so we can catch up and embark on some new adventures.
Yeah, I have other stuff to do today. Chores and the like. But it's the writing that really makes my weekends special.
Like today. I'm kicking back at a neighborhood cafe, enjoying a warm mug of dark roast, and putting words on the page. Jumping back into a WIP is like visiting old friends that have been patiently waiting for me to swing 'round again so we can catch up and embark on some new adventures.
Yeah, I have other stuff to do today. Chores and the like. But it's the writing that really makes my weekends special.
September 15, 2018
Random WIP update
Hello friends!
It's time for another edition of Scott's Not Even Remotely Helpful for Authors Blog, where I post pretty useless stuff on a very infrequent basis.
Today, I'm going to give an update on my current work in progress.
It's in progress.
Ha! I kill me. I absolutely kill me.
Okay, okay. Fine. I'll share a few more details.
I'm about 30k words into a first draft. The story is set in present day. It's the first book of a new series. Still horror-comedy and still the same world... but it isn't related to my Monsters in the Midwest trilogy. Well, not entirely true. There is one little thread that joins them.
Did you read book 2, Northwoods Wolfman? If you did, you're familiar with the Society. They're an ancient order of monster hunters that recruits Dallas.
Well, in this new work, my protagonist is a high school senior from small-town southern Minnesota that's joined the Society. He's being mentored by a cranky old hunter and together they go after some supernatural nasties. Along the way they cross paths with something really bad.
There's humor, but it's not quite as slap-stick as my earlier books. There's a love story, some adventure, some mystery, some heartbreak, and some heroics. There's a twist, and there's a shocking conclusion.
My intention is to get an agent for this one so I can get it into the hands of a good publisher.
But first, I suppose I need to write the damn thing. So stop distracting me! Man's gotta write!
It's time for another edition of Scott's Not Even Remotely Helpful for Authors Blog, where I post pretty useless stuff on a very infrequent basis.
Today, I'm going to give an update on my current work in progress.
It's in progress.
Ha! I kill me. I absolutely kill me.
Okay, okay. Fine. I'll share a few more details.
I'm about 30k words into a first draft. The story is set in present day. It's the first book of a new series. Still horror-comedy and still the same world... but it isn't related to my Monsters in the Midwest trilogy. Well, not entirely true. There is one little thread that joins them.
Did you read book 2, Northwoods Wolfman? If you did, you're familiar with the Society. They're an ancient order of monster hunters that recruits Dallas.
Well, in this new work, my protagonist is a high school senior from small-town southern Minnesota that's joined the Society. He's being mentored by a cranky old hunter and together they go after some supernatural nasties. Along the way they cross paths with something really bad.
There's humor, but it's not quite as slap-stick as my earlier books. There's a love story, some adventure, some mystery, some heartbreak, and some heroics. There's a twist, and there's a shocking conclusion.
My intention is to get an agent for this one so I can get it into the hands of a good publisher.
But first, I suppose I need to write the damn thing. So stop distracting me! Man's gotta write!
May 5, 2018
Dream A Little Dream
Today's completely random installment of "Scott's Not Even Remotely Helpful for Authors" blog...
I had a dream last night.
My co-worker Karl was landscaping my neighbor's back yard. There was a fence all the way around the yard with cutouts for a simply shocking number of sump pump drain pipes. I found that to be pretty damn interesting, and then commented on how I thought the back stairs to their house were concrete, but were actually wood braced on concrete pilings.
Skip forward to some huge bald guy trying to do something bad. I hit him on the head with a baseball bat and he frowned at me.
That's about where I was at when the dog woke me up.
Well, lovely seeing you all again. Have a great weekend!
I had a dream last night.
My co-worker Karl was landscaping my neighbor's back yard. There was a fence all the way around the yard with cutouts for a simply shocking number of sump pump drain pipes. I found that to be pretty damn interesting, and then commented on how I thought the back stairs to their house were concrete, but were actually wood braced on concrete pilings.
Skip forward to some huge bald guy trying to do something bad. I hit him on the head with a baseball bat and he frowned at me.
That's about where I was at when the dog woke me up.
Well, lovely seeing you all again. Have a great weekend!
November 9, 2017
4 Minutes to Kill
I'm at the cafe. I was writing. Now I'm waiting for my ride home.
What better way to spend my last few minutes than writing a blog post?
I mean, I suppose I could go to the restroom. I have had a lot of tea. Or I could flip over to Facebook, because THAT'S always a good use of time. Maybe some news headlines? Ugh. Too depressing. Maybe YouTube videos of puppies? Nope. Too damn cute.
So... blog post it is. I suppose you're wondering what I've been writing. Well, hmmm. It's sci-fi. Still funny, but not exactly comedy. Have you read, "Leviathan Wakes?" It's sort-of in that vein, but not really because if it was too much like that you wouldn't bother to read my book, now would you?
Or maybe you're wondering what my plans are for the weekend? I'll be at an author/publisher networking thingy on Saturday, and watching football on Sunday. Exciting, right?
Or maybe you're just reading this because you, too, have 4 minutes to kill, and nothing better to do...
What better way to spend my last few minutes than writing a blog post?
I mean, I suppose I could go to the restroom. I have had a lot of tea. Or I could flip over to Facebook, because THAT'S always a good use of time. Maybe some news headlines? Ugh. Too depressing. Maybe YouTube videos of puppies? Nope. Too damn cute.
So... blog post it is. I suppose you're wondering what I've been writing. Well, hmmm. It's sci-fi. Still funny, but not exactly comedy. Have you read, "Leviathan Wakes?" It's sort-of in that vein, but not really because if it was too much like that you wouldn't bother to read my book, now would you?
Or maybe you're wondering what my plans are for the weekend? I'll be at an author/publisher networking thingy on Saturday, and watching football on Sunday. Exciting, right?
Or maybe you're just reading this because you, too, have 4 minutes to kill, and nothing better to do...
October 1, 2017
No, MY Decade Was the Best!
Funny to think how protective people can be of their decade. And by that, I mean the decade where they really started to figure out just who the hell they are. For most folks, that tends to be in their 20's to early 30's. Can I back up that assertion? No, so all you eager little fact-checkers can calm the heck down. I'm an indie author, not some expert on psycho-social development with a string of impressive letters following my name. I make shit up. That said...
Ever notice how someone's favorite books or movies or music were the ones they read/saw/heard when they were in or just out of college? And - BAM - just like that, whatever decade that happened to be instantly becomes THE BEST decade for books/movies/music.
I'm no exception. I was born in the mid-70's, and graduated from high school in the early 90's. My first go at college found me sporting Birkenstocks and spinning to Phish, and then getting progressively grungier as I was exposed to Alice in Chains, Soundgarden, Mudhoney, Helmet, and Mother Love Bone. My favorite movies were, in no particular order, Braveheart, Event Horizon, The Big Lebowski, Pulp Fiction, The Matrix, The Usual Suspects, Groundhogs Day, Rushmore, and the Blair Witch Project. My favorite books were High Fidelity, Fight Club, and Into Thin Air.
I know, right? Pretty impressive stuff! One could even argue that those are some of the best bands, books, and movies EVER!
And that's my point.
Which is a bit surprising, since I almost never have a point when I post to this particular blog...
Ever notice how someone's favorite books or movies or music were the ones they read/saw/heard when they were in or just out of college? And - BAM - just like that, whatever decade that happened to be instantly becomes THE BEST decade for books/movies/music.
I'm no exception. I was born in the mid-70's, and graduated from high school in the early 90's. My first go at college found me sporting Birkenstocks and spinning to Phish, and then getting progressively grungier as I was exposed to Alice in Chains, Soundgarden, Mudhoney, Helmet, and Mother Love Bone. My favorite movies were, in no particular order, Braveheart, Event Horizon, The Big Lebowski, Pulp Fiction, The Matrix, The Usual Suspects, Groundhogs Day, Rushmore, and the Blair Witch Project. My favorite books were High Fidelity, Fight Club, and Into Thin Air.
I know, right? Pretty impressive stuff! One could even argue that those are some of the best bands, books, and movies EVER!
And that's my point.
Which is a bit surprising, since I almost never have a point when I post to this particular blog...
August 21, 2017
June 27, 2017
Con life
Ah, conventions. Generally speaking, a room full of people trying to sell their stuff at the same time would drive me to drink.
Awww, who am I kidding? I don't need to be driven to drink. I just drink.
But seriously - have you been to a convention? I've been to a lot. My "professional" experience covers a lot of industries, and apparently every industry, no matter how esoteric, has conventions.
Ugh, they're awful. You have to schlep in all this stuff. Then you have to set up the equivalent of a Venus fly trap made out of a folding table and a wrinkled table cloth, and cover it with a bunch of brochures, samples, and some kitschy grab-items that were most likely manufactured by child labor in an overseas factory that has no regard for human life or the environment. You have to hang a banner with some bold, catchy slogan that a highly-paid marketing exec squeezed out of a bunch of unpaid interns, and then force a smile onto your face and repeat said slogan six-hundred and forty-seven times a day. At the end of the day, you sleep on a hotel bed, in sheets that have caressed waaaaaay too many ass-cracks and hairy backs, and the next morning drink that terrible instant coffee in a little Styrofoam cup while sitting on a lumpy chair beneath a flickering floor lamp with a cheap fluorescent bulb while trying not to think of what that stain is on the carpet.
Yep. Conventions. They are the pits.
Except horror cons and comic cons.
Those, I frickin' love. The people. The cosplay. The celebrities that always seem to be a cross-section of some of my favorite pop-culture icons. The vendors are always awesome. Talented artists, curio purveyors, creepy film makers, creepier authors, odd-ball owners of specialty stores that throw their doors open wide and welcome in all who dwell in the Land of Geek.
I kid you not. Horror cons and comic cons are some of the best people-watching and people-meeting in the entire flippin' world.
Given my love for horror and comic cons, I think it's safe to say that 2017 is going to be a damn fine year. I've already been to a cool comicon, and I have two awesome horror cons on deck. I can't wait to schlep in my books, set up my table, sling mini-candy bars at passer-byers like its some weird live-action carnival game. I can't wait for those creepy hotel sheets, and that stain on the hotel room carpet is guaranteed to inspire something for my next book. I can't wait to see old friends, meet new ones, and just let the whole experience wash over me like a wave of fake blood and Fresca.
Huh. I have no idea where that last simile came from.
Anywhoo. Let's sum up, shall we?
Conventions? Boo.
Horror and comic book conventions? Yay!
See ya at the con!
Awww, who am I kidding? I don't need to be driven to drink. I just drink.
But seriously - have you been to a convention? I've been to a lot. My "professional" experience covers a lot of industries, and apparently every industry, no matter how esoteric, has conventions.
Ugh, they're awful. You have to schlep in all this stuff. Then you have to set up the equivalent of a Venus fly trap made out of a folding table and a wrinkled table cloth, and cover it with a bunch of brochures, samples, and some kitschy grab-items that were most likely manufactured by child labor in an overseas factory that has no regard for human life or the environment. You have to hang a banner with some bold, catchy slogan that a highly-paid marketing exec squeezed out of a bunch of unpaid interns, and then force a smile onto your face and repeat said slogan six-hundred and forty-seven times a day. At the end of the day, you sleep on a hotel bed, in sheets that have caressed waaaaaay too many ass-cracks and hairy backs, and the next morning drink that terrible instant coffee in a little Styrofoam cup while sitting on a lumpy chair beneath a flickering floor lamp with a cheap fluorescent bulb while trying not to think of what that stain is on the carpet.
Yep. Conventions. They are the pits.
Except horror cons and comic cons.
Those, I frickin' love. The people. The cosplay. The celebrities that always seem to be a cross-section of some of my favorite pop-culture icons. The vendors are always awesome. Talented artists, curio purveyors, creepy film makers, creepier authors, odd-ball owners of specialty stores that throw their doors open wide and welcome in all who dwell in the Land of Geek.
I kid you not. Horror cons and comic cons are some of the best people-watching and people-meeting in the entire flippin' world.
Given my love for horror and comic cons, I think it's safe to say that 2017 is going to be a damn fine year. I've already been to a cool comicon, and I have two awesome horror cons on deck. I can't wait to schlep in my books, set up my table, sling mini-candy bars at passer-byers like its some weird live-action carnival game. I can't wait for those creepy hotel sheets, and that stain on the hotel room carpet is guaranteed to inspire something for my next book. I can't wait to see old friends, meet new ones, and just let the whole experience wash over me like a wave of fake blood and Fresca.
Huh. I have no idea where that last simile came from.
Anywhoo. Let's sum up, shall we?
Conventions? Boo.
Horror and comic book conventions? Yay!
See ya at the con!
June 10, 2017
Pivot Tables and the Interview
I should know better. I just flippin' should.
Fer crap's sake, I'm almost 41 years old. I've lived in three major metropolitan areas and traveled extensively. I've worked over 40 different jobs - everything from driving a forklift to processing payroll for television shows and movies to tending bar for drunken Chicagoans to directing plays to managing large software implementation projects. I've been in back-alley fights and wrestled a cafe's tip jar away from a rotten little shit that tried to steal it. I've written books. I've flunked out of college, and then 15 years later, graduated summa cum laude with a 4.0 GPA. I've done 10-mile adventure races and triathlons and marathons. I followed a girl to Italy to win her back (didn't go so good). I proposed to a woman in a karaoke bar (went great - we've been married almost 10 years now).
You'd think that with all of that life experience, I would have picked up a little self-awareness. A little sense of who I am and what makes me tick. And you'd be right. I like to believe that I know myself pretty damn well.
So why in the hell would I spend my Thursday morning trying to cram a huge and sloppy data set into meaningful Excel pivot tables and charts, when I knew - I KNEW - that I had an interview that afternoon? Why would I intentionally make myself crabby when I knew that I'd have to turn on the wit and charm, be poised and professional, be ready to answer tough questions, so I could make a good impression?
Face-palm. Straight-up face-palm.
I work for the State of Minnesota. The state has this great program that's put on in conjunction with the University of Minnesota's Humphrey School of Public Affairs called the Emerging Leaders Institute. It's a really cool opportunity to not only learn some snazzy leadership skills, but to also develop great relationships with other folks working in state government. I applied last year and wasn't selected for an interview. But this year, I was. And the interview was Thursday.
And I worked with Excel pivot tables and charts beforehand.
Perhaps I should explain. I HATE Excel pivot tables and charts. Especially when the source data is crap. I get all Hulky. My blood pressure goes up. I pound on my desk. I blurt out onomatopoeias like a prehistoric sportscaster doing a play by play of a Neanderthal's fight with a saber tooth tiger.
So picture me all dressed for success, but ready to put my head through a wall.
Well... The interview happened. I didn't swear. I didn't get all cynical. I didn't hit anything or anyone. I tried, I really, really tried to be calm, poised, professional, funny, charming, competent, and all the other wonderful things I'm pretty good at faking when I have to ;-)
Did I pull it off? I have no idea. Won't know until later next week. But I do know this...
The next time I need to bring my A-game to an interview, I will absolutely, definitely, positively NOT work on an Excel pivot chart or table.
I'll get pizza instead, watch some Buffy the Vampire Slayer...
And I will absolutely NAIL that interview.
Fer crap's sake, I'm almost 41 years old. I've lived in three major metropolitan areas and traveled extensively. I've worked over 40 different jobs - everything from driving a forklift to processing payroll for television shows and movies to tending bar for drunken Chicagoans to directing plays to managing large software implementation projects. I've been in back-alley fights and wrestled a cafe's tip jar away from a rotten little shit that tried to steal it. I've written books. I've flunked out of college, and then 15 years later, graduated summa cum laude with a 4.0 GPA. I've done 10-mile adventure races and triathlons and marathons. I followed a girl to Italy to win her back (didn't go so good). I proposed to a woman in a karaoke bar (went great - we've been married almost 10 years now).
You'd think that with all of that life experience, I would have picked up a little self-awareness. A little sense of who I am and what makes me tick. And you'd be right. I like to believe that I know myself pretty damn well.
So why in the hell would I spend my Thursday morning trying to cram a huge and sloppy data set into meaningful Excel pivot tables and charts, when I knew - I KNEW - that I had an interview that afternoon? Why would I intentionally make myself crabby when I knew that I'd have to turn on the wit and charm, be poised and professional, be ready to answer tough questions, so I could make a good impression?
Face-palm. Straight-up face-palm.
I work for the State of Minnesota. The state has this great program that's put on in conjunction with the University of Minnesota's Humphrey School of Public Affairs called the Emerging Leaders Institute. It's a really cool opportunity to not only learn some snazzy leadership skills, but to also develop great relationships with other folks working in state government. I applied last year and wasn't selected for an interview. But this year, I was. And the interview was Thursday.
And I worked with Excel pivot tables and charts beforehand.
Perhaps I should explain. I HATE Excel pivot tables and charts. Especially when the source data is crap. I get all Hulky. My blood pressure goes up. I pound on my desk. I blurt out onomatopoeias like a prehistoric sportscaster doing a play by play of a Neanderthal's fight with a saber tooth tiger.
So picture me all dressed for success, but ready to put my head through a wall.
Well... The interview happened. I didn't swear. I didn't get all cynical. I didn't hit anything or anyone. I tried, I really, really tried to be calm, poised, professional, funny, charming, competent, and all the other wonderful things I'm pretty good at faking when I have to ;-)
Did I pull it off? I have no idea. Won't know until later next week. But I do know this...
The next time I need to bring my A-game to an interview, I will absolutely, definitely, positively NOT work on an Excel pivot chart or table.
I'll get pizza instead, watch some Buffy the Vampire Slayer...
And I will absolutely NAIL that interview.
Scott's Thoughts
Whatever you find in this blog, one thing is for certain - it all came from my brain.
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