Scott Burtness's Blog: Scott's Thoughts, page 6

Getting back to my totally unhelpful roots

Oh this poor, neglected blog. There was a time when I had such hopes for Scott's Not Even Remotely Helpful for Authors blog. It was going to be the least-helpful blog out there, especially for authors.

Why? Need you really ask?!? There are SO MANY helpful blogs for authors. Why reinvent the wheel? Why throw a match on a fire? Why use tired metaphors? Wait... now I'm rambling.

So... back to the basics. Today's post will hopefully be entertaining, but not helpful for authors. If it is either of those, I'll call it a win.

Today's post is about my recent experience with a pair of new shoes.

I found a sweet-looking pair of Aldo's online. I was looking for something sharp but comfy. Something I could wear to work (I'm an IT project manager), but that were comfortable enough to walk a mile in.

Why a mile? Great question.

I'm in Minnesota. I work for the State. Since it's flippin' cold here half the year, there are tunnels connecting many of the buildings at the Capitol complex. The main tunnel loop is one mile long. Perfect for a break. There's nothing like taking a stroll through concrete, underground, oversized hamster trails lined with insulated water pipes and lit with harsh fluorescent tubes.

Ignore my description. It's actually a nice walk, especially when it's 20-below outside.

So... I found a pair of Aldo's on sale for a super-great price. They look like these -

http://us.asos.com/aldo/aldo-tripper-...

- but mine don't have the little gray liner on the tops. I ordered them, they were delivered, I tried them on and - DAMN - I had some good-lookin' feet. Definitely a sharp-looking pair of shoes.

I wore them to work. They were comfy. Mission accomplished, right? Sharp, comfy. That's what I wanted.

But I DIDN'T want my feet to make little farty noises when I walked. Not cool. I don't care how sharp you look, if your feet make little farty noises when you walk, it totally wipes out your cool factor.

What to do? What in the hell was I to do?

I decided to act my age. I'm 40. That means I can start to get away with old-dude shit. Not a lot, not like an 80-year old. But I can pull the occasional, "Because I'm old!" card now and then.

I went to the store and I got me some orthopedic lift inserts. You know the ones. They make the inside of your shoe look like you're planning on an all-afternoon stint at the senior center's bingo hall. And when you buy them, the teenager at the register is pretty much guaranteed to look at you like you're on your way to an all-afternoon stint at the senior center's bingo hall... because you're, you know, old. Like, 40 or something.

On the way home, I complained about people driving too fast. When I got home, I leaned over to pick up a shoe and groaned about my sore back. I put in the orthopedic lift insert, slid the shoe on, repeated the process for the other foot... and took a walk.

No farty noises. Not a one. Well, except for the occasional actual fart. What?!? I'm 40. Better out than in, I say.

And you know what? Mission accomplished. Mission-frickin'-accomplished.

It's alive!

Hey all-

Undead Cheesehead (Monsters in the Midwest, Book 3) is here!

www.amazon.com/dp/B01NBWDEWC

Have fun!

"Give it away," they said

So I said, "Sure. Why not?"

But only three copies. I ain't no Mother Teresa.

https://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/sh...

Ready for a New Year

I don't know about you, but I'm ready for 2017.

That's saying a lot too, because I generally don't like odd numbers. Like the thermostat. 66 or 68 degrees is perfect. 67 drives me nuts. Or the car stereo volume. 18 or 20, I can deal with. 19? Nope.

So yeah, I've got this weird thing about odd numbers. But I'm still really, really stoked about 2017.

Why?

The third book in my Monsters in the Midwest trilogy, Undead Cheesehead, will be done, I'll be at Crypticon Kansas City and Crypticon Minneapolis, and I'm starting a new book series featuring a protagonist named Log.

So that's a slice of what I have to look forward to in 2017.

How about you? Big things in store for the next year?

If you're voting on Nov 8th...

Good on you.

Vampire Books for Blood!

If you've been paying attention, you'd know that I run an annual charitable event to benefit the American Red Cross and Canadian Blood Services.

If you haven't been paying attention, I totally don't blame you. This blog is not exactly 'attention grabbing' by any stretch of the imagination.

Anywho...

Vampire Books for Blood kicked off yesterday. This is the third year of the event, and damn! It's grown. This year, there are 44 participants and 63 vampire-themed titles!!!

So how does this vampire book charity event work, you ask?

The premise is simple. Authors and publishers of vampire-themed books pledge to donate a portion of their October earnings from book sales to the American Red Cross or Canadian Blood Services.

I put their books on the event site - www.vampirebooksforblood.org - and link to where the books are sold.

People visit the site, find their new favorite vampire books, and buy them.

At the event's conclusion, the participants fulfill their pledge to donate.

Pretty cool, right? A vampire-themed event that helps blood services organizations? I am so flippin' clever.

So anyway, if you're reading this... stop reading this and go visit www.vampirebooksforblood.org! Buy books! Help the cause, fer Pete's sake.

Oh... and if you should happen to buy Wisconsin Vamp, I'll donate $1 to the American Red Cross for each copy I sell in October.

#VampBooks4Blood!

The Book or the Movie?

We all know there just ain't enough hours in the day. So the question is, how do you use that precious time?

I love books. Reading can be such an absolute joy, and it makes your brain work! A well-written book lights up neurons you never knew you had and transports you to a completely different place.

... but so can movies. And I really love movies. A good movie can suck you in before you can say, 'suck you in,' tie you up in knots like a dexterous tongue with a cherry stem, and spit you out a changed person.

So here's the rub: Some great books make terrible movies. Other times, a mediocre book translates surprisingly well to screen. So when faced with both options, the book or the movie, what do you do? Which do you choose?

I'd love to hear from you. Let me know in the comments how YOU decide to spend your precious time. Do you read the book, or see the movie?

OK, fine. Here's a helpful post for authors.

Around once a year, I totally break from the pointless point of this blog and write something pointy. Pointed. Full of point.

Not unlike a vampire's tooth. Or a wooden stake.

You guessed it! I write about Vampire Books for Blood.

I released Wisconsin Vamp in early 2014. Later that year, I came up with the idea of a charitable event for authors of vampire-themed books. The idea was simple: I encouraged authors to pledge to donate a portion of their earnings from the month of October to the American Red Cross.

The first year, I set up a FB page for the event, and a total of 5 authors participated.

The next year, I built a website and included Canadian Blood Services as an event beneficiary. 13 authors participated.

This year, the event is off to an earlier and much stronger start. With almost 3 months before the event kicks off, there are already 11 authors that have pledged to donate.

If you're the author of a vampire-themed book, I really hope you'll participate! It's a fun way to support two great organizations and find new readers.

Also, I hope you'll share the event with others. The more people that know about the event, the more successful it will be!

www.vampirebooksforblood.org
#VampBooks4Blood

Every so often...

Hello, loyal fans of Scott's Not Even Remotely Helpful for Authors Blog!

Every so often, I drop in and post something rather... worthless. Seriously, there are bloggers that know all sorts of things about all sorts of things. Their blog posts are informative, thought-provoking, often entertaining.

Mine? Not so much.

OK. Now that the bar has been firmly lowered to the bottom-most notch...

Today I'm going to write a blog post about expectations, cleverly disguised as a movie review.

I watched the film "American Hero" with Stephen Dorff and Eddie Griffin. The IMDB page has it categorized as "action, comedy, drama."

WTF? Seriously, what does that sort of designation do to someone's expectations?

I think that's why the film was rather poorly reviewed. People were expecting one thing (or three things, or whatever), but what they got was simply drama.

Here's my take. It's a damn good movie. Well-acted, a good story, and beautifully crafted. Set in post-Katrina New Orleans, in one of those neighborhoods you'll never see in a movie about New Orleans, the filmmakers did an amazing job with their locations, set dressing, and casting. The movie is also filmed 'documentary style,' adding to the feeling that you truly are in a real place, with real people living real lives. You can sense the desolation, feel the oppressive humidity, smell the oil and exhaust. Everything is dirty, sticky, and in disrepair. But the people, oh the people! Genuine humanity, real emotion, real relationships (even the f*cked up ones). Melvin (Dorff) and Lucille (Griffin) have a wonderful rapport, and you feel each of their very personal struggles.

Is it comedy? No, despite having some really nice elements of humor.

Is it action? No. Melvin has telekinetic abilities and has a few run-ins with local gang members, but that's window dressing.

The real story is a very human drama. Melvin is an amazingly gifted person (and not just the telekinesis), but he struggles with depression, drugs, alcohol. His best friend Lucille desperately wants to help his friend, but is battling his own demons. Like I said, its a good, if simple, story that the actors tell in heartbreaking and heartwarming fashion.

So if someone is expecting action and comedy, they're in for a let-down.

See? Having the wrong expectations would do a pretty good job of ruining the experience for a lot of people.

So there's a chewy moral center in here somewhere...

... nope. I guess not. Anywho, it's a good movie. Rent it!

But first, adjust your expectations.

Wait... what year is it?!?

Holy crap. It's 2016?

Well, I've officially beat the odds. Who'da thunk I'd make it this long?

But I did. So that's something, right?

I suppose the right thing to do would be to reflect back on the past year. What lessons did I learn? What did I accomplish? How did I grow as a person?

Unfortunately, between sticking a paperclip in an outlet when I was little and inhaling while I was in college, my memory is pretty much shot. I'm sure I learned and did stuff and grew and whatnot, but the details are all a bit fuzzy...

So let's look ahead instead! What does 2016 hold for your old buddy Scott?!?

Um...

Well...

Ah...

Hmph.