Deborah Gilboa's Blog, page 52
July 31, 2014
Kids and Independence: How do you decide?
Summer. It means swimming, bike riding, walking for ice cream, and wandering the neighborhood to look for other kids playing outside. It’s meant all those things since my boys were tiny. This year, however, my 12-year-old threw us a curveball. He wants to do all those things on his own! He wants to sleep in, get up and go out …”wherever.” And, he’s been hatching these plans for months. Your Teen magazine asked me how we handle these
requests for kid independence.
How do you decide when to let your kids go and when to hold them back? It’s my own personal experience that the millions of things I worry about don’t actually happen when I let my kids try things on their own. But I still worry. Will you come over to Your Teen and weigh in?
How do you tackle this challenge of parenting?
July 28, 2014
Teach Kids to Flush and Wash – Every Time!
Kids and bathrooms.
As soon as kids are old enough to pee alone, we find ourselves calling out that most common sense of early parenting:
“Did you flush and wash??”
What surprises most parents (me included) is that we don’t feel confident enough to stop asking that of our 7 year old. Or even our 10 year old if they come back out too quickly. As a matter of fact, according to numerous studies, 11-15% of adults don’t wash their hands at all after using the bathroom.
Kids and hygiene.
Like it or not, parents are stuck drumming this habit into our kids. Like so many habits, our kids seem to resist hygiene on principal. But it can be taught! Try this easy trick to get your littlest ones in the habit now!
July 24, 2014
The Passporter Moms
Dr. G is excited to be interviewed by the Passporter Moms on traveling with kids to Disney! She was lucky enough to travel there this year with 7 kids under 12, and has lots of great stories to share.
4 Normal (and annoying) Sibling Behaviors You Can Change
My biggest challenge right now that I am dealing with as a parent is the intense fighting and competition between my 6 and 9 year old boys. They bicker, compete for our attention and are mean to each other constantly. Any advice would be appreciated.
Anonymous, state not provided
These are such common, but frustrating, problems! Most kids are wired for competition, and they are most likely to compete with siblings. Being the same gender can intensify that urge. And you’re absolutely right – your attention is the biggest prize.
You mention four problems:
Bickering.
Fighting.
Meanness.
Competition.
Bickering:
Bickering and fighting are not actually the same thing, as I’m sure you’ve noticed. Bickering IS annoying to listen to, but it’s not intentionally hurtful. So first, figure out if what you’re hearing is bickering or fighting, and then address that issue once you know. For bickering, find out if it’s acceptable to both kids and then – if it is – ask them to do it where no one else can hear them.
Fighting:
Whether your boys are yelling hurtful things at each other or actually throwing punches, you’re right that this is not acceptable. It is helpful to have really concrete rules about hitting, just as you did when they were smaller. “No hurting” is a good rule for any home. And consequences have to go along with that. No matter who started it, if someone throws a punch – or a nasty insult – he has to sit through some kind of consequence.
However, it’s not enough to tell kids what they can’t do – we have to teach them the behavior we want them to demonstrate. So in addition to “no fighting” they need to know how to be angry – and express it. Do your kids have the words to express really strong emotions respectfully? I understand that they’re not using those words now, but do they know how? This is the hardest work for us as parents – building the skills they need to replace disrespectful behaviors with respectful ones.
Meanness:
This is really the same issue as fighting, but can be easier to miss as a parent. Kids are often quietly mean to each other out of anger. Siblings are often mean to one another when they are angry with someone or something else entirely. Again, we have to teach our kids how to communicate with respect, even if we’re angry or hurt or ashamed. This involves some rules, and some great consequences for treating each other well and unpleasant consequences for treating someone else badly.
Competition:
Here’s the good news. You do not need to teach your boys to stop competing. Competition can be really great for kids! If you can teach them to treat each other respectfully, they can compete all they like!
All of this is really hard, and these changes don’t happen quickly. But like any change in our family dynamic, try these steps:
Name the behavior that needs to stop.
Make sure the adults in the house aren’t behaving that way.
Identify the behavior you hope will replace the bad one.
Come up with a list of great consequences for when a child demonstrates the new behavior, and unhappy consequences for when the old habit shows up.
Explain #1, 3, and 4 to your kids clearly.
Follow through on #2 and #4, and don’t give up!
Parents, have you changed the culture at your house from fighting to respect?
July 21, 2014
Practically Perfect Podcast
Dr. G is excited to join Sue Downey of NannyPalooza, and Lora Brawley of NannyBizReviews for their nanny podcast series Practically Perfect. The three women will talk about the “Happiness Hook” - why parents are caught on it, how it hurts kids, and what nannies, aunts, uncles, grandparents and friends can do to help! Come listen!
10 Secrets to Teaching Kids about Money
Kids and money.
Not simple! We want our kids to understand money, value money, and save money. But we don’t often let them use money – especially money over which they have some control. Dr. G gives 10 ways to teach kids to be savvy about spending and saving. AND you’ll find out why it starts with a picture of her son’s fart gun!
July 16, 2014
Westinghouse, Cranberry, PA
Dr. G is excited to give the keynote address for Westinghouse Headquarters‘ Annual Health and Wellness Fair kick-off! Her address, Parents Hard at Work, will tackle the challenges that all employees face as they balance work and home life. Come on out and join Dr. G, you’ll leave with strategies for the struggles you face, and the sure knowledge that you’re not alone in your experience!
Pittsburgh Today Live, CBS
Dr. G, parenting contributor on CBS’ Pittsburgh Today Live, and anchor Kristine Sorensen will talk to and about grandparents! In honor of Grandparent’s Day Sunday Sept 7th, they’ll discuss how grandparents can have great relationships with grandkids, and how parents can help. Have a question? Reach out and let us know!
July 14, 2014
How to Keep Track of Library Books!
We love the library!
Going, looking , reading, borrowing, the library – and the books we get to bring home – is a favorite destination for all of my boys. They walk there excited, remember (mostly) to be quiet, and run home loaded down with new treasures. Then, a couple of weeks later, the alarm rings on my phone to remind us to return those books, and… the hunt is on!
I hate paying fines!
In less than a minute my 7 year old and I want to show you our (at last!) solution for keeping track of library books. So our kids can learn to love reading and learn responsibility at the same time.
July 11, 2014
Social Media in the Sand, Beaches Turks & Caicos Resort Villages and Spa
Dr. G is thrilled (as you can imagine!) to accept an invitation to speak at the first ever Social Media on the Sand Conference. She will speak about speaking about parenting 
and how she built her business and platform using YouTube and grew small speaking engagements and TV opportunities into national ones! If you’re attending, tweet Dr. G and let her know!
