S.R. Crawford's Blog, page 56
August 7, 2019
Confidence Challenge: How to Know Yourself Better (Video)
Today’s video is about how to know yourself better in order to boost your confidence levels. Here are some of my tips on getting to know yourself better and how to feel more confident in who you are…
Click to play!
15 Questions for Self-Discovery
This week’s worksheet to complete: Confidence Challenge Week Two Worksheet
Comment your thoughts below!
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August 6, 2019
Confidence Challenge Post: Outside Validation
Caring too much, or giving too much weight to outside validation, is a dangerous game to play. It is a fast-track ticket to putting your self-worth up for debate in front of others.
Validation should always come from within, first and foremost.
What seeking outside validation looks like
When we seek outside validation, we are often unsure of ourselves. We lack confidence in who we are, what we’re doing, and how we feel. And so, we look to others to confirm or approve of what we say, think, feel and who we are.
Compromising character
This, for me, is the biggest pitfall of seeking outside validation too much. You can fall victim to changing or hiding who you really are in order to fit in, be accepted, be admired, and be part of the group.
I get it, no one wants to be alone and the fear of being cast out is very innate in all of us because, in Caveman times, it meant death (being out in the wilderness alone was not advised).
But now, we won’t be eaten by sabertooth tigers, and so the new threat is loneliness.
I can tell you now, and so can great researchers and writers like Brene Brown, fitting in with the wrong crowd is lonely. Laughing and joking falsely to fit in and be validated socially is a sad way to live. Doing what others want and expect, while neglecting what you want from yourself, is a quick path towards depression, resentment, and a wasted life.
Seeking advice
We are all guilty of harassing our friends and family when we need to make big life decisions. What should we do? we ask, hoping that someone will have the answers.
But the thing is, this is largely about seeking outside validation, or at least, it is a reflection of how little trust we have in our own decision-making abilities.
Yes, others may be able to provide insights into our situation that we didn’t think about ourselves. Fair enough. But if you are someone whose natural instinct is to ask “what should I do…” then you need to get honest with yourself and find out why.
Why do you keep asking for advice? Why do you think it’s appropriate or safer to put this decision in someone else’s hands?
Is it because you’re afraid to make the wrong decision, and so if someone else agrees with you or chooses for you, then the guilt and shame is out of your hands?
Probably.
Or is it because you are unsure and so if someone who you think is smarter or more confident agrees with you, then you feel surer and so it’s suddenly ok to move forward with your decision?
Probably…
Inauthentic intentions
Creating, sharing and posting for likes = seeking validation instead of posting authentically.
Authentic social media posting is just you being you and putting it out there without concern for likes. If you’re constantly checking how many likes and comments you get on a post, then it’s likely that you either posted without authentic intention in the first place, or you seek outside approval for self-esteem and dopamine hits.
Likes and comments = I’m good enough and worthy.
No likes or comments – I’m not good enough, I’m unworthy.
This is a dangerous mentality to have. It is a breeding ground for low confidence, self-loathing, comparison, anxiety, and depression.
Remember, validation should come from within. You should feel good about the post yourself, regardless of what anyone else thinks.
External image
And the aforementioned point leads me into this one: seeking likes, comments and followers to build this perfect, worthy, cool, validated external image of yourself and your life.
We look at people with millions of followers with envy. Why? Because their popularity must mean they are the perfect image of how a person should be. What a person should do.
Wrong, but we’re all guilty of thinking this way at times.
And it’s not just online. It’s seeking an image of success by giving in to consumerism and materialism. Obtaining the success image of the car, clothes, tech, hair, home, etc. in the hope that you will be validated as being a worthy person, thus giving you that fast gratification and a confidence boost.
But in the end, it gets us nowhere. There’s never enough. You’ll never be enough that way. The car, clothes, likes, or outer image doesn’t change the turmoil you feel inside. You’ll keep seeking outside of yourself, buying more and more, and never feeling whole.
How to stop seeking outside validation
Get honest
Ask yourself, who are you trying to impress or prove something to and why?
Are you asking for advice (or ranting) to be validated for your decisions or validate your feelings?
Are you only happy or proud of yourself when others recognise your achievements?
Be honest with yourself and get the real answers to these eye-opening questions. If you are trying to impress your parents, ask yourself why. Why does it matter so much that you compromise yourself in order to be applauded by them? Will it ever satisfy you? Make you happy on a core level?
When you go to rant or obsessively ask for advice, take a moment to pause and ask what your intentions are. To just express how you feel and seek support or guidance? (Which is ok, from my view). Or to be told that “yes, you’re allowed to feel that way or do that thing” which is seeking validation thus saying to yourself, “unless others say what I think or feel is ok, then it’s not.”
A very dangerous line to walk, there.
Conclusion
If you are constantly looking outward for approval, acceptance, guidance, happiness, confirmation, assurance or other, then you are putting your self-worth, self-esteem, confidence, joy, integrity, purpose, ideas, beliefs, values, desires, value and everything in-between up for debate.
You are stealing from yourself, again and again.
Look within, trust yourself, decide that it’s ok to be you, and carry that forwards (more on all of this in future posts during the Confidence Challenge).
Your challenge today, should you choose to accept it, is to Journal as if you were your ideal self but don’t stretch too far from the truth. Allow yourself to channel your ideal self, your best self, the version of yourself that is most confident, and see what they would do, say, think, and feel.
Worksheet to complete for this week: Confidence Challenge Week Two Worksheet
Feel free to share your thoughts about this topic or your journal entries in the comments, on social media (#ConfidenceChallenge) or in my YouTube comments section.
Speak to you tomorrow!
August 5, 2019
Confidence Challenge: Fear Clouds Confidence (Podcast)
This is the first podcast episode in the Confidence Challenge. Check out the previous challenges on my blog and my YouTube to not miss a day of the Confidence Building Challenge this August!
Today’s topic is how fear can cloud confidence and what to do about it…
Click to play!
https://srcrawfordauthor.files.wordpress.com/2019/08/fear-clouds-confidence.mp3
You can follow the Mindset Managed Podcast on Spotify and Apple Podcasts!
Worksheet to complete for this week: Confidence Challenge Week Two Worksheet
If you need any help in bettering your mental health, or better coping with anxiety, depression, and stress, then my book “You’re As Mad As I Am” may be for you. Check it out here, and download a free sample to see what it’s all about.
If you want to hire me to write about mental health (or other), then don’t hesitate to get in touch!
August 4, 2019
Confidence Challenge: Beliefs that Hold Us Back (Video)
It’s Day Four of the Confidence Challenge and the end of week one! Today we’re talking about our beliefs and how they may be holding us back and making us feel less confident.
Plus, here’s today’s challenge.
Click to play!
Have you filled in this week’s worksheet? Here’s the link: Confidence Challenge Week One Worksheet
Speak to you next week with more exciting content about confidence with challenges to complete.
August 3, 2019
Confidence Challenge Day Three
Here’s day three’s challenge. Have you kept up?
Day One challenge: Gratitude for the hard times in your life
Day Two challenge: Write a fears list and face one
Click to play!
This week’s worksheet to complete: Confidence Challenge Week One Worksheet
August 2, 2019
Confidence Challenge: How to be Confident – Rethinking Confidence (Video)
Did you complete yesterday’s challenge? Are you going to do today’s? Let me know!
Good luck!
Click to play!
Don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE not to miss a thing from the Challenge!
This week’s worksheet to complete: Confidence Challenge Week One Worksheet
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August 1, 2019
Confidence Challenge Post: Weaknesses and Imperfections
Welcome to the first day of the Confidence Challenge!
Every day this August, I will be setting “challenges” for you all to complete to help you build your confidence and thrive for the rest of the summer!
What to expect from the Confidence Challenge:
Snippet videos with a challenge in them for you to do
Content and advice on confidence building: in blog, video, and podcast format (ensure you follow them all to not miss a thing!)
Worksheets each week to guide you through getting the most out of the content and building your confidence
A workbook with everything you need at the end to keep your confidence levels sky-high whenever you need a boost!
To get the best out of the challenge: follow my social media accounts (Twitter, Instagram, Facebook), blog, podcast, and YouTube channel! [All called Mindset Managed]
Let’s get to today’s topic…
Weaknesses and Imperfections
I believe that one of the greatest reasons why we lack confidence in ourselves is because of a long list of weaknesses and imperfections that we think are “evidence” as to why we aren’t worthy.
We hold on to these tightly and decide that we have no real value, thus don’t deserve confidence.
Our biggest setbacks on the confidence road are from thinking that we have a good, true list of reasons as to why we don’t deserve to be confident: I’m this, I’ve done that, I failed at that…
Sure, you have weaknesses. Sure, you have imperfections. But who the hell said that means you don’t deserve to sing and shout out about your strengths and the awesome parts of yourself and your life? Who the hell said you’re not worthy and valued?
We need to rewrite this list.
Confidence despite weaknesses and imperfections:
Get real
What needs work or changing within yourself and your life? Once you know these things, get to work on them without beating yourself up.
What’s not true or even important? Get a list together and work on letting them go! If it’s not true or important, what’s the sense in letting it drag you down?
Work on what you can work on, but let the rest go by accepting them or forgetting them.
Bigger picture
Understand that you focusing on and only believing in your weaknesses and imperfections is ludicrous! We all have them. Focusing on them only shortchanges yourself. It’s just a negative message you’re sending to yourself that you needn’t send in the first place. Balanced people have flaws and greatness within them.
Choose your focus wisely.
Sadly, we all have a Negativity Bias. Meaning that our brains aren’t too clever and usually naturally focus on the one bad thing over the ten good things. This means we have to work a little harder to shift that focus, but with self-awareness and self-discipline, this isn’t hard.
Highlight your strengths
It is important to work on weaknesses that actually need work: like your social skills, your bad habits, your self-talk etc. But don’t bother wasting time on weaknesses that are not actually important: math skills if you’re not a teacher, ability to speak Latin if you have no interest in Latin…
Instead, the smart move is to focus on your strengths. Improve your strengths. Use your strengths. Highlight them to the outside world.
Jay Shetty had this advice to share in his podcast:
“Focus on your strengths when it comes to your hard skills (speaking, math, writing, analytics). Focus on your weaknesses when it comes to your qualities, your soft skills (conflict resolution, mediation, support etc). Build these up and you’ll find meaning and happiness.
What do you love to learn and what do you love to teach?
Focus on natural strengths and talents and nurture them deeper.
Go outside of your comfort zone with your strengths to take them further.”
He’s a really smart dude, you should listen to him!
There is no perfect
Perfectionism is a real problem and it steals from us. Trying to attain perfection or waiting for perfect means we will never act, achieve, or create.
Perfection doesn’t exist. Especially not in any person or their actions or their life. Stop aiming for it. Stop believing that it exists in others and that you will never have it or be it for yourself.
The only thing that is perfect is the you that you are each day; just as you are that day.
CONFIDENCE CHALLENGE DAY ONE:
Your first confidence-building challenge is to express your sincere gratitude for the hard times in your life. Express gratitude for the lessons, the redirection, the strength, the insights, the experience. Be grateful for hardships, failures, fears, weaknesses, and imperfections for these are a part of life and ourselves. They bring balance. They give insights and help us to understand the world on a deeper level.
Write these down or speak about them with someone or speak about them in prayer/meditation/other.
Good luck!
Worksheet to complete for this week: Confidence Challenge Week One Worksheet
See you tomorrow for the next challenge! There will also be more talk about how to be confident in video form on my YouTube channel. Subscribe so you don’t miss a thing!
Please, comment below with why you are doing the Confidence Challenge, what you are grateful for, and what you’d like help with this August.
Thanks!
If you need any help in bettering your mental health, or better coping with anxiety, depression, and stress, then my book “You’re As Mad As I Am” may be for you. Check it out here, and download a free sample to see what it’s all about.
If you want to hire me to write about mental health (or other), then don’t hesitate to get in touch!
July 31, 2019
Confidence Building Challenge Coming August!
What is the Confidence Challenge?
The Confidence Challenge is a month-long challenge/topical discussion around the idea of confidence: how to be confident, building confidence, knowing yourself, trusting yourself, seeing yourself as you are and so on.
Each day I will be posting a challenge for you all to complete that will help you to take a small step towards better confidence.
This is in blog form, podcast form, and video, across all the platforms of Mindset Managed.
Why am I doing the Confidence Challenge?
I will be doing this alongside you all because one of my intentions and desires for this year was to improve my confidence. I thought it was about time I got on with building my confidence already!
I also want Mindset Managed to become a community. Meaning I want us to know each other and work together as kin. To share ideas and insights and inspire one another to change our mindsets, discover our true selves, be as healthy and happy as can be and, of course, boost our confidence!
What to expect throughout the month
The Confidence Challenge Schedule:
Mondays – Podcast episodes on a confidence related topic (including a challenge inside)
Tuesdays and Thursdays – Blog posts on a confidence related topic (including a challenge inside)
Wednesdays, Fridays, and Sundays – Videos on a confidence related topic (including a challenge inside)
Every day – Mini videos (max 2 minutes long) with a challenge and explanation in them posted to YouTube, socials and my blog.
Let’s do it together!
I want you to really get stuck into this; make sure you do the challenges at some point in the month at least if you can’t do it that particular day.
Tell others about it and encourage them to, too. Together, we go further after all.
Share it with social media as well. Hashtag #ConfidenceChallenge across socials so that I can see what you’re all doing during this event!
Welcome to the Mindset Managed Crew! We’re glad to have you here and I wish you luck during the Confidence Building Challenge.
Check back here tomorrow for the first challenge and bit of advice about how to be confident.
Bye for now!
xx
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Video: Introducing the Confidence Challenge August 2019
It’s finally here! Introducing the Confidence Building Challenge for August.
Every day throughout August, I will be giving you a challenge to complete to help build confidence.
Alongside motivational advice and content about what confidence is and how to cultivate it in your life.
If you want to keep up with the challenge, follow my website and SUBSCRIBE to the Mindset Managed YouTube channel: https://bit.ly/2STeoLm
Click to play!
SUBSCRIBE to the Mindset Managed YouTube channel: https://bit.ly/2STeoLm
July 30, 2019
How to Find Your Purpose
I think many of us get caught up in this idea that your purpose, your passion, what you’re meant to do with your life should be this big thing. This thing is often seen as very specific and often job-based, too.
But I don’t think this is the case.
For a long time, I thought my purpose was to write books and share them with the world. That’s also my passion. But now, I see the truth: it’s one of my passions; one of my purposes.
As Jay Shetty said, we all have multiple purposes and passions. They can be multifaceted all at one time; they can change over time; or once you’re done with something, you may move on to something else.
Our purpose shifts over time and that’s ok.
If you’re someone looking for your purpose or passion, then relax. One, you may already know it but don’t know you know it; and two, you need to stop looking for that one big specific thing that will take up your whole life and be your career.
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How to find your purpose
Stop looking
I believe that if you go looking for something, and obsess over it, it will continue to elude you. So firstly, stop looking so hard for your purpose or passion, and it just might find you instead.
Be aware
Take note of what you enjoy doing right now. The things that bring you joy and fulfilment. The places or people that make you feel at home. These may highlight something about you and your life that is linked to, or evidence of, a purpose and passion.
Experiment
Life should be an experiment. We should never be fixed in who we are and what we do. Take some time to self-explore. To grow and learn and test the waters of all kinds of things, people, and places.
Trying new things is a great way to figure out what is for you and what is not.
Look within
We can get stuck looking all around so much that we miss the calling from inside. This isn’t me getting hippie-dippie here, but I do believe that when we get quiet and still, we silence the noise around us.
Suddenly, things can seem clearer.
We can tune in to our intuition, our spirit, our wants and needs and thoughts and ideas. Then, we can filter through it all to see what might mean something for us and our desire for a purpose.
Zoom out
As I said, we need to stop trying to be so specific about our purpose or passion. It might not be something so focused as write books, help out in Africa, sell fruit in my own store.
I believe in purpose and passions being less specific, especially if we’re looking at them as something to guide us in life, help us make decisions, and push us forward with excitement and trust.
So, zoom out. Think bigger. Maybe there’s a concept, a statement, or slogan for your life, rather than a specific task that you need to complete.
My Time On This Earth
So, what is my purpose? I see my purpose as more of a mission statement. A North Star. A guide.
My purpose is to “Serve the realm.“
I took this from Game of Thrones! Varys says that his job or purpose is to “serve the realm, as someone must” and that really resonated with me. I want to do that, too. I want to serve my world, my people, my community. I want to help, heal, guide and inspire in any way that I can.
I want to leave the world better than when I came into it.
This informs my decisions on a personal and professional level.
Personally
On a more personal (deeper) level, my guiding force, my North Star, my goal, purpose, passion (whatever) is to gain inner peace.
I used to want to be happy. I even used to want to be successful and wealthy by societal standards. But now, I’ve realised I want something better.
I want to be at peace within myself.
This is a more secure thing to want in life, I think. For happiness can be taken away. We can’t always be happy. I won’t be happy when my mom dies or if my business went under. Success and wealth can be taken away just as easily, too.
But inner peace, that’s something that can always heal and help me. It means that when my mom dies, I can be sad and grieve but I will be at peace with it. I’ll accept it, trust myself to get through it, and feel deeply into myself to seek solace.
I’m also being guided by my desire to seek balance over anything else. This is in-line with my desire for inner peace. Seeking balance means not being too controlling but not letting go too much either. It means using tough love and discipline at times but using kindness and care at others.
This personal purpose and passion will guide me throughout my life, I believe. It will be a project that’s never finished. It will be something that leaks into and lifts up all areas of myself and my life.
Summary
My “purpose” is to gain inner peace and balance within myself and my life, while serving my community in any way I know how.
This could mean books, podcasts, talks, teaching, YouTube, or whatever. It could mean going back to education or travelling the world. I just know that when I go to make a decision or when I’m looking for answers, I can look to my purposes (my guiding North Star) and ask myself “Is this in service of my purpose? Yes? Do it. No? Don’t do it.”
And that feels pretty good.
When trying to find your purpose, ask yourself, “What would bring me fulfilment and happiness if I did it right now, tomorrow, and potentially for the rest of my life?”
And be open to whatever comes. Be available for shifts in your purpose.
It’s not about the how of your life, it’s the why that drives you forwards.
What’s your purpose? Let me know in the comments down below!
