Kaye Wright's Blog, page 16

4 Things To Consider Before You Cut Your Hair

4 things to consider before you cut your hair.

Short hair is, obviously, a love of mine. I advocate for short hair and I think it is awesome…for the right person. Before cutting your hair, it would wise to think about a few things, so that you know what you’re getting yourself into.

Some things are o.k. to just jump into, and some other things…well, not so much. Cutting off all your hair, not so much. For one, it’s irreversible. There are extensions, but still. Also, it can be traumatic. And finally, short hair just ain’t for everybody.

Below are some things to consider if you’re thinking of going short.

Know your personality. If you are a ‘that’s good enough’ type, then short hair may not be for you. Short hair requires maintenance. Aside from straight maintenance, it looks a hot mess when short hair is not done well.
Consider your budget. If you don’t have an aversion to being in the salon very regularly, then short hair that is maintained by a stylist, will probably work for you. However, if you want to watch your coins a bit, be sure you are up for the at-home challenge of maintaining your own short cut at home. This requires a budget that has a large allowance for time.  You will have to learn, but it can most definitely be done. This entire site is dedicated to teaching ladies how to manage, maintain and master their short hair at home. So you will need money or time, take your pick.
Figure out your face shape and the size of your head. Ok, let’s just be honest here. A big ass head with a strange face shape, is not the best canvas for a short cut. Now, one of the two, alone, may still be something you can work with. There are different types of short hair cuts that flatter each type of face shape. So knowing what your face shape is, will help tremendously when you are deciding what kind of short haircut to go for. Knowing how big your head is and if it is misshapen will also help. I don’t really know how you would go about this and get accurate results, but try pulling your hair back into a tight ponytail and looking at yourself from all angles. Then pull your hair up into a high ponytail and look at the back of your head from all angles.  Other than that, you may just have to pray for the best.
Give it some time. The first time you get the inkling to cut your hair off, DON’T DO IT! Like many other things in life, give yourself some time to determine whether it is a fleeting thought, whether you are PMS’ing, or whether it is a legit desire that you choose to act on. Hormones, emotions and plain old fantasizing can play a part in what you feel at any given moment. Be sure to think it through and let it sink in. If a few weeks or months have gone by and it’s still gnawing at your spirit, then read this list, take all things into consideration, and GO FOR IT!

For tips and tricks of how to maintain your short hair at home, and save a few bucks, check out my video tutorials HERE.

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Braided Headband on a Pixie

This is a quick and cute style that gives you some spring options for your short cut. Gone are the days of only having the choice of 2 to 3 hairstyles, if you have a pixie cut!

Versatile and super easy, the braided headband gives you so much bang for your buck. I created this style on and old wrap that I simply combed down.

Here are the quick steps:

Part a large section of hair off at the front of your head.
Make a loose braid that is close to your forehead; don’t pull too tight.
Bobby pin the end of the braid to secure it and prevent unraveling.
Fluff the rest of your hair or even curl it for added drama.

At the end of the night, I took the braid out and re-wrapped my hair. That allowed me to wear my standard straight, short cut for a few more days, even after I rocked this hairstyle.

Keeping the braid loose is key, here. Because the hair is short, a tight braid would take away from the shape of the style and would make the look too rigid.

If you want to see how I created this look, watch the step-by-step tutorial HERE. Tag me on Instagram (@_prettypixies) when you wear your braided headband!

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The BEST Pixie Hairstyle Ever!

I call this my ‘Tamron Hall’ or my newscaster hair do. Tamron Hall has some of the best short hair out there. She often wears her hair in a shape that is very similar, if not identical, to the one I’ve created with this style.

This hairstyle is one I have always loved. It is one of the simplest to create, but it looks as polished as any of the most tedious hairstyles you will see. In the tutorial, I show you how you can mold, curl and style your hair to mimic this pretty style.

If your hair is shorter than mine is, you can still create this style. Use the same techniques and you can pull it off! If you hair is a little longer, you may have to make a few adjustments to the front of the style.

The top has a little height and lift to it that may take a little effort to recreate on hair with a little more length or weight to it.

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Domestic Violence and Judgment of Women Who Don’t Just Leave

Domestic Violence is one of those topics that just seems to never go away. Domestic violence and judgment of the victims also never seems to go away.  To me, that indicates that there’s more work to be done. I think the work to be done has to be by way of awareness. People don’t take the topic of Domestic Violence seriously, yet. Recently, there has been a huge light shed on the issue, but it seems to me that it gets quickly swept back under the rug and people go back to judging the victims.

There are so many women suffering and the saddest part about it is that we can change that, but first we have to stop judging and develop some compassion. Below is a YouTube vlog I posted on the topic. Watch it and leave your comments and questions.

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Men Sex & Money

Men Sex & Money – a touchy subject.

“Where did you get that?”

“Huh?”  I was trying to buy time.  Scared as hell, I knew I couldn’t tell my mother the truth.

“People who say ‘huh’ can hear.  Where did it come from?”

“This?  I been had this.”  I said, moving myself from within her arm’s reach as I lied.

My mother rolled her eyes.  “That’s not what I asked and I know you heard me.”  Shit!  I was so slow on my feet.  Only when it came to lying to my mom.  Any other time, I could roll a good one off my tongue, no problem, in the blink of an eye.

The ring I was wearing was a gold band with a garnet stone.  It was so pretty.  I loved it, but I also knew better than to let my mom see me wearing something she hadn’t purchased for me.  That day I had been rushing to catch the bus and I simply forget to take it off.

Things were getting heavy because the week prior she had caught me in a t-shirt I couldn’t explain the origins of.  I hadn’t had time to sit down and come up with a long-term lie to cover up the whole of what

What was going on was that my boyfriend at the time, was buying me all kinds of gifts. And hell, who doesn’t like receiving gifts?  It wasn’t all my fault, either, because receiving gifts is my Love Language, so technically speaking, I couldn’t really help it.  It was out of my control.  It was the Universe at work.

I’m black.  My mom is black, so that Universe-Love-Language BS was NOT going to suffice.  Add to it the fact that the guy was selling drugs to get the money he used to buy me the gifts, and what you have my friends, is a recipe for a show down by my mom.  I would surely lose that battle.

“If I ask you one more time…”  Damn! Damn! Damn!  I knew that inflection and what it meant.  I was about to catch a beat down.

“Ummm, somebody bought it for me.  It was a present for my birthday.”  That was pretty much true.

“Somebody, huh?  Ok.”

Okay!!!!!!  What the hell had just happened?  My mom had walked away from a justifiable reason to get in my ass.  Something in the entire world was wrong.  God was on his way back from Heaven.  The Earth you…when they like you or when they want something from you.  That’s always the case.  It may not come out right away, but that’s the case.  Always.  There’s nothing wrong with it so long as you are willing to return whatever it is that man expects as payment.  Don’t play with fire though.  It’s dangerous and it’s not fair.”

That was my first lesson in men, sex and money.  I’ve referenced that day’s talk on more than one occasion since then.  Recently I read Amber Rose’s book How To Be A Bad Bitch. I wrote a post about it (HERE).  In it she talked about how men are no different in the boardroom than they are in the bedroom and further, how a woman can use her feminine gifts to get what she wants or needs.  Be that a job or an orgasm.  I completely understood what she meant, but mainstream social media seemed to take offense. What followed was a backlash of comments about gold diggers and not needing a man and doing it all yourself, blah, blah, blah.  Amber took to Snapchat to address the comments.  In a simple snap, she basically said if a man can ask you for sex after 3 dates, why can’t you ask the man you’re in a relationship with for startup money for your business?   Nobody is saying that you have to ask your man or that your man will say yes.  Or even that he has to say yes, but the fact of the matter is that a man who cares about you and your well-being will be there for you in whatever capacity you need.  If you were starting up a business and went to an investor and they gave you a $10,000.00 loan that you had to repay with interest within 24 months, you’d be deemed a hustler, a go-getter, a BOSS.  However, if that same person asked the man she was screwing and dating for the initial $10,000.00 investment with the exact same interest rate and repayment date attached to it, then she’s a hoe, a gold digger and fucking for money.

To me, the theory is flawed.  Business moves are about assessing and making wise decisions that will yield a future return.  If you have everything but the money, why is it wrong to get the money from your man?  If you had the money and he had the idea, and you put the money up, why isn’t that looked at the same?  It’s ridiculous.

At the same time, if you have invested all your own, personal savings into your business and your birthday is in 5 days, if that man buys you a pair of $1200.00 shoes for your birthday, is that ok?  Same thing.  Same thing.  He’s with you, he’s looking out and he wants you to be happy.  Get a grip, ladies.

I’m not saying don’t work for it.  I’m not saying automatically go to a man for everything, but what I am saying is that if you’re dating Michael B. Jordan and you have an acting audition coming up, wouldn’t you ask him to go over your lines with you in preparation?  Duh!  I’m not saying you should do this in any situation other than a relationship.  Now, within a RELATIONSHIP, it is perfectly ok for you to get something of value outside of pure companionship.  And to look back at my mother’s advice, the man you’re calling your boyfriend should like you and he should want something from you.  That something should be your time, companionship, loyalty, compassion, trust, etc.

Why are we so hung up over men sex & money?  Let it go!

 

The post Men Sex & Money appeared first on Kaye Wright.

Can You Enjoy Career Success And A Family?

Can you enjoy career success and a family at the same time?

Anything is possible. We all know that to be true. If you look around at the world we live in, you will see that anything a person can think of can be brought to fruition. Many factors are at play when a thought is transformed into a tangible, measurable thing.

Beyond an acceptance that all things are possible, a question occurred to me. Can one person enjoy the rewards of success in multiple areas of life? Not just multiple areas of career, but the larger playing field of life. For instance, a person may experience extreme success as a makeup artist. That same person may then become bored with the monotony of that successful lifestyle. So he or she decides to develop a line of lipsticks or lip glosses. It isn’t difficult to imagine that same makeup artist duplicating success in their secondary endeavor.

No one has come up with a way to squeeze more hours into a day than 24, so right now that’s all we have to work with. In working within those parameters, success is attained when a person is wholeheartedly dedicated and laser focused on honing their skills and achieving their career goals. The level of focus and dedication required comes with a disproportionate level of sacrifice. But what does one have to sacrifice?

The most common answer to this question is a personal one. There are countless individuals who have sacrificed having families, children, or other pleasures the rest of the world labels as personally fulfilling. But, there’s always an exception right? Every rule has one of those tagging along and messing with the flow of things. If this is the case, then success and a healthy family is possible.

It is possible. There are some caveats, though. Certain tweaks, if you will, to the formulaic version of super success people investigate and marvel at. You can have both at different times, or you can adjust the level of success you are ok living with. Like, really ok living with. Not, a level that you will resent and regret.

Success in your personal life first.

1. Spouse, marriage, happy home, kids at an early age. Many opt for this version of events. Some cognizant, some accidentally. However it comes to be, it happens. When it happens it leaves the individual wiser and with family obligations behind them at a stage in life when they are still capable and willing to embark on a new life adventure. Many times that life adventure is career oriented.

2. Career, money, ambition, intellectual fulfillment, at an early age. This route is well traveled. For the ones who choose this option, creating and enjoying a family comes at a time in their lives when they are able to devote the time and focus required to build an emotionally healthy environment to rear children in.

The two options above are examples of what it takes to experience extreme versions of family and career success. Then there is the third and less explored option of a combination of the two. A lot of people get this one wrong. And they do so because they attempt to create extreme results in both areas at the same time. Dedication and laser focus have to be aimed at a goal. You cannot split hairs. You can try and you can also end up in somebody’s recovery program or needing to be in somebody’s recovery program.

Ask yourself, what level of success do I want? Different levels require varying amounts of sacrifice, focus and dedication. I believe everyone has a sweet spot. That perfect median that works for them. It’s specific to each individual and it takes some self-exploration.

If you want to be Bill Gates or Oprah and you also want to rear 5 children, you have to be honest about the level of effort and sacrifice that takes. Now, if you are ok being, for argument’s sake only, a local newscaster and having the available time to nurture and raise a healthy family of say, 2, then BINGO! There you go! That’s your sweet spot.

Yes you can enjoy career success and family success.

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Where Are The Real Men?

Where are the real men?

“The truth will never be a lie and a lie will never be true”- Trick Daddy Dollars a/k/a Uncle Step-Dad

Normally I don’t take too kindly to blanket statements or generalizations, but when I hear the statement that there are no real men out here, I can’t be that mad.

That statement itself is not all that untrue.  Now, when I hear women say that there are no GOOD men out here, that’s another post all together.  Water rises to its own level; meaning, you attract what you put out.  So if you are having trouble finding a good man, you may have to address whether or not you are a good woman.  You may also want to access where you are finding these men, what you actually consider GOOD, what the men you want to attract consider valuable in a woman they would want to partner with, and a whole slew of other variables.

A good man is not necessarily a real man.  And what is real to some will not be real for others.  So what is a real man?  A real man is one who knows and accepts who he is and his lot in life.  He knows his strengths, his weaknesses and his capabilities.  He faces his responsibilities and takes care of them and he doesn’t run from the things that aren’t easy.  He is steadfast in his beliefs and he is grounded.  Basically, a real man knows his lane, stays in his lane, and maximizes every opportunity for success within that lane.

That definition leaves a lot of dudes out here rolling through the streets like tumbleweed across a desert floor.  It’s a sad case.  What’s even sadder is when the men who don’t fall into the real category start to pretend.  They assume the identity of someone they deem to be worthy or successful.  Taking on the persona of another person, they fake and flaunt through life, never reaching their own true potential.  You can only be great at being you.  Nothing else will bring sustainable, long term happiness or success.

The day and age we live in is primed for these kinds of phony men.  With social media and all the visible attention the average person is able to garner, the platform for fakes to shine is at an all-time high.  The other side effect of social media and visibility is that those looking for an identity have a smorgasbord of choices.  One scroll down an Instagram timeline and you have at your fingertips, at least 100 choices of potential identities to choose from.

There is nothing wrong with having role models or idols or mentors.  In fact, those are all good things.  The problem is when you are not, yourself, grounded in who you are, because it’s easy to become lost.  Men who are not grounded are not real men, in my eyes.  This is not a bad thing.  It just is what it is.  If you are woman who is looking for a man or simply a good man, there are many, many men available to you.  But, if you want a real man, the choices may be limited.

We’ve gotten to a point where a man’s monetary success or flashy jewelry or cars has been linked to him being real.  It’s simply not true.  You can see it when these ‘hard core’ thugs or ballers or real ni**as get in their feelings and react out of emotion publicly.  Either in a social media rant or an interview where they let their bitchassness show.  I always think it’s funny.  And not that real men don’t have or show emotion.  They absolutely do.  If they do not – RUN – because you are with a sociopath.  I touched on men’s emotions in this article about men responding to a break up.  The difference between experiencing an emotion and acting out is that real men have learned to control their emotions and their emotional responses.  There is a huge difference.

Shirking responsibilities, whining and complaining, giving up or trying to be something you’re not are all behaviors associated with fake men.  Ups and downs are a part of life and everyone handles them differently, but there are some core qualities that real men possess, which are undeniable.

Be you, do you, be creative, give the world the unique gifts that God has blessed you with.  The same time and effort that can be put into imitating another, can be put into honing and developing your best self.

When I see the new wave of men growing into adulthood and becoming potential leaders of families and communities, I am hesitant to say that I have confidence in where we are headed with them at the helm.

Where are the real men?  Tell me below.

When lust, lies and life’s limitations come together, a recipe for disaster results.

The tug between the truth, which would ruin it all, and the lie that would lead to happily ever after, is where our leading lady finds herself.  She loves Marcus, but he would be crushed if he knew the truth about her involvement with Brandon.  And although Brandon makes her heart race with lusty desire, he can’t give the stability that Marcus provides. Having her daughter Laiyah while tangled up with both men, only adds to the turmoil and anguish.  Now two men are pitted against one another with a baby in the middle. Although Brandon and Marcus are both strong willed, only one of them can win in the end.  A woman and her selfish desires have brought them both to the brink, but when one of them lets go, an innocent life will hang in the balance between their two worlds. Who will win?  The Boy, The Baby, or The Bullet

Get the first 3 chapters FREE by clicking here! Don’t miss out on this exciting story.

The post Where Are The Real Men? appeared first on Kaye Wright.

How Your Hoe Past Can Hurt You

How your hoe past can hurt you and possibly keep you from your dream man.

Everybody has a past.  Right?  Stop lying, yes, you too, have a past.  Folks find Jesus and think he washes their sins aware from ever having existed. LOL! Seriously though, we have all done or said something we are not proud of.  This differs in severity for everyone.  Some of y’all have slurped and served on the first date while others have given it up too quick to a dude you knew wasn’t right and ended up getting played. No matter the offense, I’m sure that at the time it’s committed, no one thinks their faux pas will come back to haunt them in any real way.  I sure did not think about mine coming up later.  I probably didn’t even have the forethought of the future, AT ALL, when I was wildin’ out.

As I have grown and gained some wisdom, I have been able to look back on past events and see how potentially harmful they were.  Many days have come and gone where I have literally thanked God that I was still alive, that I am not in jail and that I am not HIV positive.  For real, for real.  And even during those times, I didn’t think my future dream man would maybe be deterred from dating me because of some of the escapades I’ve been on.

Like most of the things I write about, I had a conversation that stayed with me.  Recently there were some events involving a sexy female celebrity, her fiancé and her past bodies.  The guy I posed this question to is oblivious to anything related to celebs or social media.  I intentionally asked him so as to get an unbiased opinion.  People lose all sight of rationale and logic when it comes to their favorite celebrities.  So, the question was this: “If you found out 2 years into a relationship with a woman, that she had screwed one of your homeboys, would it make a difference?  Oh yeah, you’re in love with her by the time you find out.”  He slowly lowered his drink.

“Damn, man.  That’s tough.  Was it before she knew me?”  He was all in.  Hook, line and sinker.  This was a hypothetical and this dude was already casting himself.  I loved it HA! HA! Got ’em!

“Yeah, before she knew you or dated you.  But y’all are engaged.”

The glass banged against the table.  “God damn, man! Fiancé?  My fiancé?”  He let out a hard exasperated exhale.  “How I find out?  Did she tell me?”

“No, it came out.  A way other than her telling you.  It just came out after 2 years and you’re in love and engaged.  Then you find out.”

He was now bent over the table and leaning on his elbows with his head hung.  “Man I can’t lie.  I wouldn’t be able to do that.  It’ll be like she made me look stupid.  How could she know and not tell me?  If she told me and gave me a chance to see if I could handle it or not, that’s different.  But to find out elsewhere and 2 years in…nah.  I’d be out.”

“What about that situation would make you unable to handle it?”

“Honestly, there are some things that are too much.  Too much for a man to accept when he’s seriously looking for a respectful woman to create a life with.  Your boy can’t have smashed your wife.  I don’t know anybody that could handle that.  Not in real life.  It’s some shit that ain’t gonna ever fly.  That’s why as a woman, you have to be careful.  Even as a man, you have to be careful.  That shit will come back on you.  I’ve seen it happen.  And it’s sad.”

“So something a woman did when she was 24 could prevent her from being married to a great guy who loves her when she’s say, 33 years old and has it all together? Damn!”

“It’s possible.  Like what if she stripped and got bust out by 10 dudes a week in her 20’s, then she moved to a new city and calmed down and you meet her.  No dude is gonna be able to handle that and take her home to mama and propose.  No way! Ain’t gonna happen.  I don’t care what a man tells you, when it comes down to it, we can’t handle that.”

“I don’t think a lot of women understand that.  Or maybe they just end up with men who don’t care.”

“Yeah, and what kind of man is that?  Think about it.”

“But y’all love damn strippers and celebrities.”

“We like looking at them and fucking them, but we don’t want to marry them.  They don’t have the wholesome title we want our wives to have.  There’s a difference which is why men can’t handle the women they love doing something unwholesome like bustin’ it out with their homebody.”

“Oh.”  I digressed as I had obviously just been schooled.

So ladies, to sum it up, you have a few choices here:

Be careful when you do your dirt. Hoe dolo.
When you meet a man who has fallen in love with you, if you want that man and he is unaware of your skeletons, keep it that way if you can!
Don’t hoe at all.

Take your pick, but be smart about it if you ultimately want a life that includes a loving husband who respects you.

What do you guys think?  Is it fair that women can’t hoe in peace?  Leave your comments below.

When lust, lies and life’s limitations come together, a recipe for disaster results.

The tug between the truth, which would ruin it all, and the lie that would lead to happily ever after, is where our leading lady finds herself.  She loves Marcus, but he would be crushed if he knew the truth about her involvement with Brandon.  And although Brandon makes her heart race with lusty desire, he can’t give the stability that Marcus provides. Having her daughter Laiyah while tangled up with both men, only adds to the turmoil and anguish.  Now two men are pitted against one another with a baby in the middle. Although Brandon and Marcus are both strong willed, only one of them can win in the end.  A woman and her selfish desires have brought them both to the brink, but when one of them lets go, an innocent life will hang in the balance between their two worlds. Who will win?  The Boy, The Baby, or The Bullet

Get the first 3 chapters FREE by clicking here! Don’t miss out on this exciting story.

The post How Your Hoe Past Can Hurt You appeared first on Kaye Wright.

Can A Hoe Really Win?

Can A Hoe Really Win?

What makes a hoe a hoe?  I really don’t know.  Maybe Dr. Seuss or somebody knows, cuz I surely do not.  “Sway! Sway!” Where you at with these answers bruh?

When I first heard this phrase, I just thought it was a silly social media thing.  Something that would quickly pass, like a funny meme that has run its course.  But as the year wore on, the phrase managed to eek out a life and stick around for a bit.

As I saw the saying used more and more, I figured out that it was attached to beautiful young women who were seemingly living a lavish lifestyle.  Lots of them were doing what looked like living at the expense of a man or some other unknown financial source that was linked to something derogatory.  I don’t put too much stock into the things I see on social media.  It’s kind of like battle rap to me.  People are bragging and trying to out-do one another, but none of it can be taken to heart.  It’s for show, like branding and marketing.  Mostly fluff, with a little truth mixed in.

The amount of negativity in the comment sections on Instagram is unnerving.  How people can so riled up over things, people and events that they know nothing about and have no connection to, baffles me each and every time I log on.  The women that others like to constantly classify as hoes catch the most heat.  It’s unbelievable.

Hoes Be Winning came to my mind again yesterday as I read a post on Necole Bitchie’s new site XONecole.  In it there were excerpts from an exchange on Twitter between a young lady and Lira Mercer.  I knew who Lira Mercer was because I had seen her in an article about Rick Ross.  “Ok” I thought, no big deal.  But when I read the full exchange and the subsequent comments, I saw that people, particularly other women, really feel some type of way about the women they’ve assigned the title ‘hoe’ to.

My reaction was, “but why you mad tho?”  I just don’t understand.  One of the commenters brought it home and I completely agree with her theory.  We are taught (consciously and unconsciously) to chase an ideal.  A lot of that for women has to do with finding a man.  I wrote a post about why we teach girls to chase marriage.  Marriage, or landing a man, is only one aspect of the phenomenon.  Women are reared to believe that their happiness is this elusive thing that lives outside themselves.  They are to chase it down and hogtie it, then stuff it into a closet and trap it there, never to escape again.

It’s ridiculous, but true.  Many rules apply, some of which are: be nice; be modest; deny any sexual urges that are outside the ‘norm’; go to college; get a degree; find and catch a man; get a ‘good’ job; make 6 figures; get married; buy a house; have a baby; BE HAPPY!  The problem with this is that it’s some bullshit!  None of this equals happiness.  Either alone or in combination with one another.  Some of the things listed can be a part of some people’s happiness, but there is no blueprint for what will bring happiness to any one person.

Part of the reason no blueprint will bring happiness, is because happiness is not outside of ourselves.  Happiness dwells inside.  Aside from that, happiness is what you define it to be for yourself.  Figure out what you want, what you like and what it takes to get that.  Then forge ahead on your journey to achieve the vision you’ve create for your life.  That may not include any of the above.

But because we’ve been led to believe that there is only one path to happiness and only one version of happiness, we believe what we have been taught.  So, when we see someone experiencing what looks like the image of happiness we have created in our own minds, but they have not followed the rules as we have come to know them, we are angry.  But anger is always a secondary emotion.

The real emotion is fear.  We fear that we have been duped.  And if that is indeed a fact, then those who have loved, raised and nurtured us have either lied to us or they were grossly inaccurate in what they knew and believed.  This is enough to mess anybody up.  And it does mess us up. The response is the fallout we see in the comments on social media.

The question then becomes, what if there is another happiness?  What if there is another path or other paths to get to that happiness?  And what if these hoes have figured that shit out and have already found their pot of gold, while we are over here struggling through these damn final exams?!?!  That is alarming as hell and I don’t blame anyone who is mad, for being mad.

As compassionate as I am, I disagree with the one route and one version ideal.  There are many paths and there are many, many versions of what happiness looks like.  So these women who have been pegged as ‘hoes’ are more times than not, simply living their truths and chasing their dreams.  If there so happens to be a man who helps further that goal, then so be it.  There is no rightness about spewing negativity or hate at the social medial socialites of the day.  Debating whether or not they are gold diggers or on the come up, is irrelevant because it is simply a waste of your time and energy alike.  The effort put into typing sentences and/or paragraphs could and should be put into envisioning and creating the life of happiness you deserve.

Can a hoe really win?  If she’s living her dream, then she already has. And if you are hating, you need to get you some wins and relax.

The post Can A Hoe Really Win? appeared first on Kaye Wright.

5 Lessons From Amber Rose’s Book How To Be A Bad Bitch!

5 Lessons From Amber Rose’s Book How To Be A Bad Bitch!

I will admit two things right off the bat.  1 – I was skeptical of Amber Rose’s book; 2 – I was ashamed to say how excited I was for the release (even though I was a skeptic).

When I first began to hear rumblings of Amber Rose’s book, How to be a bad bitch, I was like, yeah ok.  Another celeb writing a book.  I figured it would be some trashy tell-all type number that would address all the things we pretty much already think we know about her and her past flames.  But the more the buzz grew, the more my curiosity grew.  That curiosity soon turned into genuine interest.

I have been a fan of Amber Rose since she posted pics of herself while she was pregnant with her son and Wiz was gently kissing her growing belly.  It was such a tender moment.  As judgmental as we tend to be (myself included at times) some moments are so authentic, you can’t help but be touched.  Later I saw Wiz on the Wendy Williams show and he spoke about how they wanted to have a wedding after Amber gave birth so that she could enjoy herself.  I began to quietly root for them.

After their split, I would browse her page on Instagram to see what she was up to.  Her son is absolutely adorable and I ooooohed and awwwwwed over his pics with the rest of her followers.  But, there were times when she would post something sext or provocative and I didn’t understand why she would.  So when she did an interview that I ran across on YouTube where she talked about her vision for the book and for the now infamous #slutwalk, I knew I would read How To Be A Bad Bitch.

As a writer, I thought, maybe I could learn something from the style of the book, if nothing else.  But to my great surprise, I learned much more than technique.  When the notification pinged on my phone that my pre-ordered book was available, I was more excited than I wanted to admit.  Within 48 hours the book was downloaded onto my audible app and I was at the listening to the ending credits.

Let me just say this flat out – the book was good!  Very good!  Amber Rose is smarter than I people think and she’s been underestimated.  She knows what she wants and more importantly, she knows how to get it.  She is the epitome of what the word, “success” means.  In terms of having a vision of what you want and developing a plan to get it, she has it down pat.  Her vision may differ from yours or even mine, but that is beside the point.  Let’s get into what I took away from the book.

 Sex and sexuality are to be used and not feared.  We all know Amber Rose is confident and comfortable with the sexual side of herself.  But what she explains in the book is that she is not playing a sexy role.  For her, sexuality and sexual expression is not a bad thing.  It isn’t something to be feared or hidden. It is, however, something that everyone should embrace for themselves.  To be aware of how comfortable you are with sex and your sexuality is a strength.  You have full control of it and you should maintain control of it after you have come to be comfortable with what sex and sexuality mean to you.  Once you recognize that, you are free to use it and express it in a way that is most in line with the vision you have for yourself and your life.
Speaking of vision, vision is essential!  This is a point that Amber touches on very early in the book.  It’s important and the placement of this point was priceless.  Once you are clear about the vision for your life, everything else you do needs to be in furtherance of making that vision a reality.  If you are familiar with The Secret, then you are probably already familiar with this theory.  Be very clear, very, very clear about the lie you want to live.  Become intimate with every aspect of that vision and then go for it. Begin to build a life where every aspect of your existence is geared toward your vision of yourself.  She hit the nail on the head with this one.
Be prepared.  Luck is a word that is too often tossed around.  People like to use it to explain what is, most times, the residual of hard work, effort and most of all preparedness.  If you want to be a makeup artist.  You really love it and want that to be what you “do” on a daily basis, then you have to be prepared to run with that.  Learn the ins and outs, stay up on the latest trends, practice your craft, build your kit and when the time comes, you will be ready to walk into your destiny.  This doesn’t mean there will not be any bumps in the road, because surely there will be, but you will be able to get by those bumps if you’re ready.  Amber Rose talks about how she wanted to get out of Philly and be a model.  She wanted to live in Hollywood.  She prepared herself by constantly staying in shape, physically.  She learned how to put on makeup to enhance her features and she honed her look and her image.  Once the opportunity presented itself for her to model, she was ready.  She didn’t have to run off and try to get ready or get into shape.  It was already done.  This is an incredibly important lesson in life.  If an opportunity comes along and you are not prepared, it is your loss.  You will either fumble and mess up the opportunity or you will be completely overlook for lack of perceived ability.  Get your shit together so you can jump on it when it’s your turn.

Get your finances together.  This really impressed me.  For Amber Rose to have come from a home where her mother was a waitress, she really learned this lesson early in life.  Most people who haven’t been taught about money, struggle with money, at least initially.  Amber talks about how to have fun on a budget, how to shop on a budget and how to keep yourself on track to reach your financial goals. In today’s environment of social media stunting, this is a huge lesson in the realities that are often playing the background in the images people would like for us to see as representative of their “lifestyles”.  The Instagram ‘celebs’ rarely show you the truth behind the pictures they post.  So for Amber Rose to say, yes I started out with nothing, I shopped at thrift store, and once I started making real money, I bought what I could afford – is awesome.  She tells of how one should be mindful of any purchase that your lifestyle cannot maintain.  That is fundamental and I was so happy to read her being really REAL about money and lifestyle and pointing it out as an important component of being A Bad Bitch.
Stay focused.  There were several individual topics in the book where Amber touched on this topic.  The main takeaway is to always keep the end goal in mind.  From your look, to your vision for your life, to your money, to the friends you choose to surround yourself with  – you have to always keep the end goal in mind and stay focused on that.  It seems very simple, but it isn’t always easy.  Once you master that, however, it becomes very easy to prune your life and keep the things out of the way that are not in line with your goals.

Overall, the book is a great read and I would recommend it.  Don’t be distracted by the title.  It’s provocative, but it’s very smart at the same time.  The substance of the book is what matters most and it is well worth it. . Get your copy below.

Have any of you read Amber Rose’s book?  If so, what did you think about it?  Would you recommend it?

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