Akosua Dardaine Edwards's Blog, page 84

The Dots All Connect

there's nothing like connecting the dots in reverse to remind you that all those moments spent anxious, spent worrying, spent freaking-the-fuck-out were actually getting you to exactly and precisely where you need to be . Maxie McCoy


A Facebook memory popped up on my feed this morning, from ten years ago. Can you imagine FB has past ten years? anyways I digress. 

The memory popped up and I started to reflect on what was happening in my own life during that time and where I am now. The growth, the lessons, the poor choices that led to lessons, the opportunities, the miracles.

As I started to reflect, it came to mind that we have the tendency to focus on the not have, don't want, still to do and how much left to do lists.
Today I want to share the lessons that my seemingly poor choices brought me, just to remind myself and us, that we make choices in the moment based on where we are, how we feel about ourselves and it may just be the best choice in the moment. And even better, to remind myself that the Universe is self correcting- pay attention to the lessons, take action and it will lead you right back to you, your purpose and to most importantly to now, where you can make another choice.

Top Lessons from "Poor Choices" 

1. Follow Your Intuition - your gut instinct may seem illogical but it is never leading you astray. The moment I walked in the building on the new job which was great on paper, more money, more status, just more, my stomach churned, my spirit said no. I thought it was fear, I ignored it, a few months later I was fired!

2. Define Your Own Success - what does success mean to you? Do you know? I believed success by having material things and a certain type of job. When I lost all of that I defined it for myself and yes I love nice things,but I love my peace of mind and being a part of a community more than having to work to maintain nice things.

3. Everyone Will Not Like You or Have to - people pleasing was one of my drugs. Everyone had to like me and so I acted that way and when it did not work, I was in a hot mess. Looking to prove my worth. I have learnt that there is nothing to prove and who you are is enough! A daily practice

4. Take Time To Rest - Rest is part of the Journey - it's that simple!

5. Abundance is a mindset - focus on being grateful and everything multiplies. Speak abundantly, live abundantly, think abundantly- it is not only about the money that you can see immediately in front of you. It's about how you think and feel  and speak about abundance.


Have you read any of Akosua's work?What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love
Nyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal
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What is Your Reason for Busyness?

So, before we start applauding sotmeone’s busyness, can we take a moment to understand that we are also possibly applauding and reinforcing a trauma response and a systematically flawed system? Maria Sosa

In my culture, busyness is rewarded. Not taking holidays and vacations are rewarded, not taking time off when one is unwell is rewarded.
I bought it into this culture- wholesale!
kept busy
kept working even when unwell
and kept being rewarded for it.

 Questioning this approach and realising that it led me to not only health issues but mental depletion, has led me to the concept that too much busyness is a response to trauma, a way to escape one self and avoid something or someone. To not get in touch with self. To run from self.

Some of us are truly being rewarded for always being busy, always working hard, always on the go. It shows a sign of success. When we are called successful and rewarded for our actions we will continue on that path.
We applaud them
We salute them
We even look up to them.

The thing to remember is that trauma and pain can be disguised in overwork, busyness,perfectionism and over achievement. 
Don't assume that people who seem to have it all together, really do.


Balance is important. Anything we do with no focus and too extreme can be detrimental to us.
Honour the balance in how you live
Peace



Have you read any of Akosua's work?What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love
Nyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal
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You Are Good! - Born that Way

Realize that the guilt that often leads to unhealthy patterns of rescuing, people pleasing and self sacrifice can be bloodline programming( old paradigm beliefs around what a “good” person is). Much of the guilt you feel may not be your own but in fact intergenerational . Maryam Hasnaa



What does a "good person" look like to you?
What makes a person "good"

My initial learning about good people was based on how I was brought up. I was taught that a good person goes to church regularly, they pay their taxes, obeys the laws and sacrifices for their family. I was also taught that good girls go to school, have one partner they marry and live happily ever after with and minds their own business. Good girls are ladies, not loud or scandalous, wears modest clothes and serves their man well in every way.
I somehow thought in my mind, that once I was a good girl that nothing bad would ever happen to me.

Now I am not judging what I was taught nor saying it was wrong. I believe my family did the best that they could and taught me these things out of love, to protect me and it was what they were also taught.

What I did learn from myself after being a "good" girl is that bad things happen to good girls
and that bad things are bad because we think they are bad, many of the things we call bad are what we cannot control and do not know. Leading us to where we need to be.
I have learnt to substitute the word bad for useful. All experiences whether wanting it or not, can be useful at some stage and are guides in our lives.
I have learnt that you can be a good person and never step one day in a church or practise the smae religion as I do.
I have learnt that good people can say no and have boundaries, that sleeping with more than one person does not make you bad, that some laws need to be changed and maybe just maybe one may have to break it to change it.
I have learnt that my goodness comes from Source, it can never leave me, my goodness never leaves me
I can forget that I am good and act on that forgetfulness, I can not believe I am good and act accordingly, I can be convinced that I am not but what will not change is my goodness. There is nothing that I have to DO to be good. I was born that way.
What a comforting thought so when I forget and act stoopid, I can recall this and adjust.

Peace

Have you read any of Akosua's work?What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love
Nyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal
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Decision Taps into Your Power

once we make a choice for ourselves that is in alignment with our betterment, we are actively telling Source that this is now our intention Hiro Boga


Decision is power
Choice is power
There is nothing more powerful than a made up mind. Trust me on that!
Yesterday I went on a run with a group. I did not ask many questions before hand - somehow I like to be surprised. Actually no, the real reason is if I knew the distance I would have talked myself out of going.
During the run, I noticed it was uphill only, then I heard that it is 10k up - one way!
I froze!
10k one way means 20k both ways.
I have never ran more than 11k.
My mind immediately went into "I cannot" mode, "this is hard" mode, I don't want to do this" mode
I let it wash over me, all the negative talk, then I had to put the lessons into play.
The immediate one was to shift the negative self talk, to change my mind.

1. Ask yourself - Is it true that you cannot make it?
2. Accept that it will not be easy
3. Serious self talk
4. Decide that you will give your best

Once I decided, it was ON! I found the energy to make the run
The lesson was clear. Decide. Believe. Act. Know that there will be challenges along the way

I'm heading into the rest of the week with this in mind
Peace


Have you read any of Akosua's work?What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love
Nyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal
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Blame Costs Us Our Freedom

Blame is a big barrier to getting out of depression/apathy.Blame has lots of payoffs: we get to be innocent and enjoy self-pity and receive sympathy. It lets us stay small without guilt. But the cost is our freedom. David Hawkins
Blaming others or a situation is a form of fear. It is so much easier to blame than take responsibility. I think we have deduced somewhere that if we take responsibility, it says that we are wrong. Who wants to be wrong?When we blame others the heat is taken off of us. We somehow think we get a pass and guilt will not have to be faced. There is nothing to self reflect when we choose to blame, nothing to learn, no growth, no compassion or forgiveness.Blaming others is a big part of nursing an oversized ego. The ego loves the blame tactic. This is its best strategy!Next time you are faced with a situation, take another approach. Look at it as a moment of self reflection, rather than right or wrong. See what role you played in where you are, have some compassion for yourself and the other person or parties involved and most importanlyLet GoPeace

Have you read any of Akosua's work?What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love
Nyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal
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Courage also looks like...

Nothing is ever wrong when the sun came up, the trees give shade, water is soothing, the stars shine, and the plethora of other fantastic things that happen every single day. None of it is guaranteed. Be grateful for the simple things and you’ll get more of what you desire. Hajid



Yesterday I had the opportunity to speak to a High School on Courage. It was quite fitting for me because this same talk was supposed to be given at another event that I was so looking forward to and it did not materialise. I was gutted - to say the least! 

I used the opportunity to share what Courage looks like to me:

Courage also looks like:

 - owning your stuff 
- taking responsibility for our actions
- making tough decisions that may piss people off but its in your best interest
- being disciplined & consistent
- rest & self care
- knowing who you are
- telling the truth even when its hard
- self respect



Share your take on what courage looks like

Peace 



Have you read any of Akosua's work?What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love
Nyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal
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Everyday is an opportunity for something and for someone

Everyday is an opportunity for something and for someone. You could have failed 1,000 days in a row. But today can be different, you can change and you can cultivate the life you deserve –– for you, understand that it is possible.Sylvester McNutt III


Every day presents us with a re-do. Every day presents us with an opportunity, a different one which we had the day before. I have learnt that if we view each day as such our approach will be more productive and we can even be less harsh on ourselves.

Bringing old tapes and baggage with us that does not contribute to our growth into a new day keeps us stuck. The experiences we have are for us - whether we deem them good or not so good), and therefore if we view them in that way we can better forge ahead when the challenges come.

This week I have been going through quite a few lessons in coping with disappointment, in things turning out differently than I planned and it sucked initially when I forgot that this is happening for me. I just had to ask myself, what can I take away from the situation, whilst still feeling all of my feelings.
I woke up today and I thought to myself, its a new dawn, a new day and the perfect moment for change, so choose to change the view because the past certainly cannot change

And so, I want to leave you with my lessons when dealing with disappointment:

1. Ask yourself - what is the lesson here?

2. Take responsibility for your actions

3. Leave other people's business alone - somethings are just not yours to take or carry

4. Forgive Yourself

5. It takes practice - keep going

Peace

Have you read any of Akosua's work?What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love
Nyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal
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Find or Create Your Safe Space

Vulnerability is not waiting for affirmation, not waiting for a certificate or validation to be a shepherd of change in someone else’s life. It’s putting ourselves completely out there where we are because that is where opportunity exists. That’s where God exists. Lee Ann Chisolm

I was having a conversation this morning about vulnerability with someone I recently met. The part of the conversation that stood out for me is that "vulnerability requires a safe space to unfold" It resonated with me. Having a safe space to unfold contributes to sharing openly and freely, to knowing that whatever happens someone has your back and there is no heat and no judgement.

How many times are we afraid to share something, a mistake, a poor decision because of the judgement and repercussions, the lack of support and fear?

If we know that there is a space where we can share and the repercussions would involve no judgement and honest feedback I believe that we would be more open to sharing openly

taking off the mask is challenging for so many reasons
Everyone ought to have a safe space to unfurl and that may be a therapist, a sister circle, a friend, the ocean, whatever it is, get one
Vulnerability taps into your strength and is must if we want to have open and honest relationships.
Any other type of relationship is frankly a waste of  time!
I am extremely lucky that I have a group of ladies who I consider a safe space where I know they would be honest and let me know if I am doing nonsense with love, they hold me accountable and give honest feedback, celebrating wins as well

Find or create your safe space!

Peace

Have you read any of Akosua's work?What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love
Nyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal
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The Trick is Taking Responsibility

If you want to know who you are, pay attention to what you do. Think about what you tend to and what you don’t. If you want to be a writer, then write. If you want to be a good friend or partner or parent, then show up, listen, love. Yes, love is a verb, so do it. Keep moving. Maggie Smith

What we do says so much!
What we say can be changed, but what we do consistently shows us who we choose to be
What we do consistently is driven by how we feel about ourselves.
So our response to events and our choices are driven by the way we view and see ourselves
Isn't that fabulous? Because it suggests that we are accountable for our actions and can adjust accordingly
The trick is taking responsibility.
Taking responsibility can be tough. But it's worth it in the end.
If we don't take responsibility we cannot heal or change or improve our circumstances.


Have you read any of Akosua's work?What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love
Nyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal
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You are : Growing

Growing, at times, feels like not growing. Stay encouraged. You are: growing. Lalah Delia

A very dear friend of mine and I were chatting today about "how we are doing". I told her that I was a tad bit anxious about where I am and what I was about to do, she told me that having a pair of big girl panties comes in handy at times. I laughed at the time but I took it to heart that having that mindset that I can tap into that reminds us that we will be okay.

The ability to feel the feelings, let it pass and then remember that yes, we do have this amazing resource that we can tap into this resource at any time and feel safe that whatever happens we can handle it, learn from it or grow from it.
Sit in that comfort when you feel anxious and indecisive.
Whatever decision you end up making remember this
And press on
Peace

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Have you read any of Akosua's work?What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love
Nyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal
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