Akosua Dardaine Edwards's Blog, page 189

I am merely a catalyst

I am grateful for the awareness that whatever someone says about me, my writing, or my work... has nothing to do with me. Whether the comment is positive or negative, it's never about me. Whatever feelings are evoked by something I say or write, is about where you are and how you feel about yourself, in that moment. I am merely a catalyst. Stacy Herrera
Vulnerability is a strength, I have learnt that over the last few years.  Showing up as yourself, open, authentic, being willing to be different, misunderstood, forge your own path, get beat up and bloodied in the ring facing what you want, that is courage

 Setting and playing by your own rules. It gets tiring and its certainly no fun having the disease to please, and that battle in the "please other people ring" is never won.
What would people say? That comment no longer has much effect on me and getting there was a process, sometimes a very painful one
How would I look? Ditto
Letting down myself has more of an effect, meaning when I make a commitment to myself, looking myself in the eye in the mirror and committing to an act which I know is for my highest good and then not doing it for whatever reason is even worse than how it will look or what will people say

 So as Stacy says, I take feedback, I take it knowing that many many times the comments are about where a person is at the time - internally and same when I am sucked into a story and responding to a situation - it really is all about me at the time.
Don't get sucked into the story! See it for what it is, a lesson, a call for love - sometimes love of self or to give love (and trust me, love can be given from afar)
Peace

Kenya - I love you so far, love the vines, the people, the lessons
Today I am going with the lovely Akira Chix to the site of the Conference - meetings and preparations afoot! So inspiring these ladies
Tomorrow I will give you all the details on my earlier meeting with KIM (Kenya Institute of Management)

The real revolutionaries

Soon we will find out who is, the REAL revolutionaries - Bob Marley

My bags arrived tonight, oh joy, oh joy!! Put things in perspective that I really do not need much to love on, and that is really AOKAY!
Full on plans have been in force for the African Women in Technology Conference which is on Saturday. I have been working with an awesome group of ladies, the Akira Chix. They after graduating from University wanted jobs in the technology field and found it difficult being a male dominated field, and so created what they wanted and extended that by creating opportunities for young ladies by training them to produce apps, websites and codes free of charge and then placing them in jobs. I am completely inspired by this as it was a challenge for them to start and grow their organisation but they persevered, they love what they do and they work well together and it spills over in everything that they do, there is a joy, a comrade-ire, a sense of fun in the space.
It made me think about my own hesitation in doing things that I want to do, and why I freeze up, little things and then they turn into big things
Telling someone how I feel
Speaking my truth
Starting a project

What's the worst that can happen?
I ended up where I started right?

Heading home now with my bags for a nice long hot shower.....

Peace!

The other side of the story

Use yesterday to inspire  tomorrow, not to discourage it.use yesterday to inspire tomorrow, not to discourage it.

The use of technology here surprised me and also reminded me of the "other side of the story" there are two sides to the story and then there is the truth! What is sometimes shown on the television or other media is usually one side of the story. Being in Nairobi this week reinforced that.
The use of mobile phones and mobile money is widespread, I wanted a taxi, I needed my phone, there is an app to book the taxi and then to pay the taxi one also uses the mobile phone, no cash is used! Cash is slowly becoming a thing of the past, mobile money is all the rage!

Where I am from, cash is still holding on to its king status

Technology is everywhere and being used to great benefits to the masses
Bank accounts are no longer required - have a mobile phone, it can be used to pay all bills, transfer money, you name it
In the buildings that I have been in, WiFi is the norm, even the place I had breakfast and lunch!
Great going Nairobi!

Still no sign of my luggage, fingers, toes and and eyes crossed that today is the day, I was told that there was a sighting of one of my bags so the search is on!
I hope it is the one with my clothes......
Peace

Fail Up

There is no reason and no need to "play up" to anothe
or to try to remain in their good graces. Remain in your own, by not betraying yourself. Simply speak your truth, with gentleness and love. And have courage, for what you seek is not outside of you. It is not a gift from another person. It is yours -- to give, not to acquire. Let no one, therefore, hold you hostage. Not your partner, not your boss, not your family...and certainly not your God. NDW


Day 3 in Kenya, still no luggage and I absentmindedly came home to the flat without going to the store to get a change of clothes, then as I got in the mini storm comes, oh well scratch going out!And so it goes, I am not even going to fuss, life must go on.Today I was confirmed as the speaker for the Nailab project and I am very humbled by it all! Talking failure as we chart our way to success!
I am liking Nairobi so far, well the little that I have seen, it is buzzing, like a few African cities, loads of colour and movement and organised noise!There always seem to be an order to the chaosAnd as so with life, it may seem like chaos but inside it all there is some order, some meaning, and of course some lessonI like how they use technology, we used our phones to order and pay for the cab, cash seems like a dinosaur Mobile Money, Uber, Apps, Technology, its all very excitingHappy to be in the mixAkosua

Make Friends With Reality

You have lessons collected in your brain; you have lessons collected in your heart; you have lessons of great difficulty; you have lessons of great ease. All these lessons are produced from pure light passing through the lenses of perception, passing through the opinions of your history, passing into the mysteries of the future, while sitting in the presence of the present . . . producing the fabric of life that has no weaver.   Guru SinghYogi

Make friends with Reality!
Ah-free-Ka! 
I am back! Yea I am back and it’s like I never left
I am in Nairobi for some very exciting projects which I will be sharing the lessons on the Journey.
So your girl arrived, after two days of travelling and not one of my bags in sight and for those who know me I travel light so I had on me my passport, laptop, phone, a book and my toothbrush. I went to report the bags and the guy looked at me and said “Your bags will eventually come, I do not know when. It seems that they tagged it to Amsterdam”, it happens often Madam
and that was the end of the discussion
I asked him to tell me more
“There is no more to tell Madam, things will get better”
I better get used to the whole being called “Madam” again.
So, I was ready right there and then to either cuss, ask a million more questions or ask for the supervisor. Then I decided to make friends with reality- the bags aren’t here, no amount of any of those choices will bring them, and homie cannot either.
My first gig is ten am tomorrow, I guess I will be there with the clothes on my back! I always say “show up as yourself, every.single.time. Well this brings a new meaning to it. 
Peace

If you want to get to the root

Discomfort does not feel good. And it is difficult to be present, when life gets tender. The tendency to pull back and retreat is perfectly natural. But what if you stayed? What would happen if you stayed in the midst of the dis-ease? It will probably begin to hurt. Your instincts will kick in, but rather than pull out, can you hunker down and go a little bit deeper? When it begins to throb and pulsate, are you willing to take a breath and bear with it? The ache will inevitably turn into suffering, and you will be compelled to concede, but don’t. Stay with it… the threshold is near.The difference between treating a symptom and solving a problem, is the willingness to endure. If you want to get to the root, you must be prepared to be uncomfortable. Stacey Hererra
I am off today to Kenya via London today for a month. People ask me what will you be doing out there for a month and I have a general idea but I have very limited details and  I am sitting in the "not knowing".
What  I know  is that the Universe is delighted to bring me the unexpected and I am delighted to receive it.
What  I know is that saying yes opens up either opportunities or lessons and some of the lessons are uncomfortable. I think about when I am boxing or exercising, the training is difficult but the results are tremendous when I stay with it and willing to face the pain.
What I know is that your beliefs color your experiences whether those beliefs are conscious or unconscious, and it is important for me to determine what my beliefs are, this can be seen explicitly by the experiences which I encounter daily.
What I know is that I am divinely guided and supremely loved by the Universe.
I can safely sit with the other "not knowns" knowing that I will be "very okay"This is not saying that my trip is or will be painful, aw hell no! It is going to be such a blast! I am completely excited just to say that I have made peace in knowing that I cannot know or control everything and it is okay now for me to sit in that "not knowing"Holla at ya on the other side....Peace!

You have two choices: to do or not to do.

Nearly everything that you do is 100% optional. So you have two choices: to do or not to do. It’s one or the other. You’re in or your out. There is no in-between. No halfway, only no way or all-the-way. The choice is yours. You’ll either be the one who did it, got it done, and made things happen… or not . Stacey Hererra
Today was a day I will always remember, I spent the half day at the Women's Prison at their library sharing lessons on the journey. As I walked into the hall to greet the 40 odd women, I stopped and greeted every one and as I was going around I noticed a friend of mine, I stopped literally! What are you doing here? We spoke in September? What? Hello? She started crying and at that moment I decided to move on and return to thatAs I spoke with the women, her tears flowed for the entire morning I stood there my mind racing! After the session she tried talking to me the guards told her she had two minutes, she said she's in there for fraud and please call her mother and tell her that she was okay.I never got the full storyand maybe I never willHowever for me the lesson is life can change in a minute, choices have consequences and taking responsibility, acknowledgement and acceptance of a situation allows us to take back our power that we gave away and assists in making an empowered choiceAnd I also learnt to be grateful.... for.every.single.thingPeaceAkosua

Noise drowns it out

“ Go out into the countryside and teach the Gospel”, they said to him, “What will we say?” And his response to them was, “I’ll tell you when you get there.” Book of Thomas

The small voice within is a guide, it tells us what to do and where to go, and it works particularly well when we ask, it works even better when we get still, when we pause. It's usually a small voice, sometimes a whisper, you will miss it if you are too "busy" if you are moving around too much, if you are drowning it out with excessive "noise".
"Noise" can be judgement, drinking too much alcohol. working too much, toxic relationships, judgement and not taking responsibility for your actions, too much TV and Internet to keep you occupied. Noise can also be not being present and minding other people's business.

To teach is to demonstrate, the combination of demonstrating what you have paid attention to when the small voice speaks to you works miracles, it never leads you astray and many many times it seems illogical,but then, so is being too busy to handle your life and living your best life!
Peace

Enough-ness..

I’ve learned instead is that I have to walk next to my fear, holding its hand. Because creativity asks you to enter into realms with unknown outcomes, and your fear hates nothing more than a realm of unknown outcome. Your fear is programmed to stop you from doing that, because its like a security guard all hopped up on Red Bull. Your fear believes that any unknown outcome ends in your death. So…I actually just walk side by side with it, holding its hand, saying “Thank you so much for trying to protect me, but all’s I am trying to do here is write a poem, no one is going to die. And I know this scares you, but I am going to do this thing, and your going to come with me, and were going to do this together.” So if we can develop this loving relationship with fear, rather than a denial or eradication of fear. The only fearless people I’ve ever met are sociopaths and I don’t wanna be fearless, I wanna be someone who can be afraid and be emotional. Elizabeth Gilbert


This thing called fear! It's been kicking my butt over the last few days big time! The unknowns, the uncertainty! I have been ignoring it, I have been researching it, I have been reading books and trolling the Internet, and as per usual, when I decided to stop being so dramatic I was chilling on Sunday and boom, there it was, a video on writers and fear. Hey, I shouted to no one in particular. I'm helluva normal person! Fear is par for the course, make friends with it then act! It's not going to kill you to feel fearful about uncertainty, you really don't know what is on the other side of the action and that is okay!
I still have a way to go but I am taking baby steps, people be warned, I may be asking you some questions after me and fear develop our friendship and become buddies! Bear with me!
What am I most afraid of?
Apart from fellas disappearing after I think we are "cool" I am most afraid of the uncertainty in writing and telling my story on the Journey and that being "enough"
Enough for everything like making a difference in my own life, in someone else's life, in being authentic, in living comfortably and being able to pay my bills and spend time, quality time, doing the things that bring me joy, and making where ever I am a better place than how I met it
A long list right?
Enough-ness.......
Fear of Enough-ness....
The journey has begun, I am ready
I am enough
Peace!

Restoring Balance

Our ultimate goal is to find balance within ourselves so we can BE HAPPY and BE LOVE. When we choose life affirming and soul fulfilling activities, relationships and jobs we are naturally spiritually fed through the joy of simply being ALIVE. When we are in balance - we enjoy our life, we feel our connection to our soul, the Earth, the Universe, Creation and each other. When we are in alignment with our true self, we are fully connected to the present moment and enJOYing life to it's fullest experience without the egoic expectations and demands of the ego. S Ruer
I met a fascinating lady yesterday, and before I knew her story she said to me " We know when we are off balance, we get signs from our bodies, it may be a cold, a pain in the neck or feeling tired all the time" I immediately thought hmmm I can relate to what she is saying, right there and then because I was feeling out of balance, I was running on gas on empty having spent the entire day in a meeting without eating coming off a plane a few hours before. I asked myself "Why?Why am I doing this? What is there to prove? And the honest answer was one that drove me to rest today, I even posted this blog late (forgive me!!) I would make time to watch football on a Saturday or a weekend I haven't done that in ages, I would make time to go sit at the kitchen table with my granma, haven't done that in months, my happy place has been a big ole bar of chocolate..... with fruit and nutsTerry Mc Millan says "sometimes it is absolutely essential to do nothing and feel not one ounce of guilt" and this is where I am todayWhere are you? I am restoring balancePeaceAkosua