Akosua Dardaine Edwards's Blog, page 180
March 7, 2016
I just laugh
No, I don't regret a single moment,
No, I don't looking back
When I think of all those disappointments
I just laugh, I just laugh - Aretha Franklin
Just when I thought that February was one of my most testing and challenging months for years, the tide changed in March
Just when I thought that the seeds I had planted were dying and needed a heavy dose of fertilizer and water, a flower peeked through
Just as I thought about taking an extended break, I was reminded that the night is for a reason, and will not last, that faith and self belief trumps all, that patience is a skill and angels are everywhere looking out for you but sometimes we don't give them a chance to do what they are supposed to do.
This past week was an awesomely fun one, I have been nominated for two awards, one from my country and another one from Barbados in recognition of International Women's Day tomorrow
This is to me such a proud moment, one in which I cherish and look back think of the disappointments and just laugh, a loud hearty scandalous one!
Keep going, keep believing, keep planting those seeds, then rock back and laugh!
Peace
No, I don't looking back
When I think of all those disappointments
I just laugh, I just laugh - Aretha Franklin
Just when I thought that February was one of my most testing and challenging months for years, the tide changed in March
Just when I thought that the seeds I had planted were dying and needed a heavy dose of fertilizer and water, a flower peeked through
Just as I thought about taking an extended break, I was reminded that the night is for a reason, and will not last, that faith and self belief trumps all, that patience is a skill and angels are everywhere looking out for you but sometimes we don't give them a chance to do what they are supposed to do.
This past week was an awesomely fun one, I have been nominated for two awards, one from my country and another one from Barbados in recognition of International Women's Day tomorrow
This is to me such a proud moment, one in which I cherish and look back think of the disappointments and just laugh, a loud hearty scandalous one!
Keep going, keep believing, keep planting those seeds, then rock back and laugh!
Peace
March 5, 2016
I am Enough
You take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame.
Erica Jong
What did I learn today? I am Enough! what’s your prop? Coffee, people validating you?Sugar? (in so many different ways), needing to know? the sense of control?, whoever else is out there is supposed to be there to support you?. I thought about it and I said to myself, what happens when you don’t have any of those things? What do you do then? How grounded are you then? How much are you standing in your power when you don’t have your props? How often do you believe or feel that your good is in that “other” thing? (relationship, job, place, thing, circumstance and god forbid if you believe that somebody else has your good) what makes you believe that something OUTSIDE of YOU is the answer to YOU! How could YOU possibly NOT be ENOUGH! What is that??? Where did you get that concept? Now is the time to know that you know that you know that YOU are ENOUGH!! Get that, catch that! Peace!!!
Erica Jong
What did I learn today? I am Enough! what’s your prop? Coffee, people validating you?Sugar? (in so many different ways), needing to know? the sense of control?, whoever else is out there is supposed to be there to support you?. I thought about it and I said to myself, what happens when you don’t have any of those things? What do you do then? How grounded are you then? How much are you standing in your power when you don’t have your props? How often do you believe or feel that your good is in that “other” thing? (relationship, job, place, thing, circumstance and god forbid if you believe that somebody else has your good) what makes you believe that something OUTSIDE of YOU is the answer to YOU! How could YOU possibly NOT be ENOUGH! What is that??? Where did you get that concept? Now is the time to know that you know that you know that YOU are ENOUGH!! Get that, catch that! Peace!!!
March 4, 2016
Vibes in top of Vibes
Loving yourself means you are willing not to participate in activities or with others who cannot give you what you need. When you tell the truth about what you want, you stand a better chance of getting it. If you withhold that truth in fear that you will not or cannot have it, chances are you will have a temporary experience of happiness at the expense of experiencing fulfillment and joy When we live at the highest vibration of who we are, we attract more of that vibration into our lives..
Iyanla
The most honorable and loving thing you can do for yourself and those you love is to tell the truth. Telling the truth is a sign that you respect yourself and them. Respect is an essential ingredient of love. When you tell the truth about who you are, you provide others with the opportunity to know you and to be intimate with you.Big big big lesson here for me.....Vulnerability is just part of the whole thing, be willing to be vulnerable, it really is a sign of strengthThe game, you know the one where we pretend to be "perfect" so that they will like us - work, friends,those we date or want to dateor the other one where we show up as someone else? the mask we keep to be liked and acceptedor maybe the game of not speaking up or asking for what we want to keep the peace or keep the other party "happy" Tell the truthShow up as yourselfIts a risk yes it is but do it early, sift out the shit! get the lesson and get out the messor get the lesson and be at peace!Peace!
The most honorable and loving thing you can do for yourself and those you love is to tell the truth. Telling the truth is a sign that you respect yourself and them. Respect is an essential ingredient of love. When you tell the truth about who you are, you provide others with the opportunity to know you and to be intimate with you.Big big big lesson here for me.....Vulnerability is just part of the whole thing, be willing to be vulnerable, it really is a sign of strengthThe game, you know the one where we pretend to be "perfect" so that they will like us - work, friends,those we date or want to dateor the other one where we show up as someone else? the mask we keep to be liked and acceptedor maybe the game of not speaking up or asking for what we want to keep the peace or keep the other party "happy" Tell the truthShow up as yourselfIts a risk yes it is but do it early, sift out the shit! get the lesson and get out the messor get the lesson and be at peace!Peace!
March 3, 2016
you never know what's coming next!
Take a risk each day - one small or bold stroke that will make you feel great once you've done it.
Even if it doesn't work out the way you wanted it to, at least you've tried.
Life is huge! And, like life itself ... you never know what's coming next!
Susan Jeffers
The NiNa Programme for Young Entrepreneurs started last month, this cycle has 16 young ladies, some of the most brilliant and articulate sisters between the ages of 16-17 that I have the pleasure of being with every week. I learn so much from them, I look forward to the sessions and come away feeling refreshed and renewed. Today's session, I walked into the room and surprise- each of the 16 cooked a dish, the table was set and we sat together and ate from each of the 16 dishes (well truth be told I skipped some because I am a vegetarian and those sisters love their chicken and lamb!) I was so blown away by the gesture, it was an opportunity to sit and chat over a meal, a simple act which brings so much joy! I had to thank them for taking the initiative, the time and the effort to prepare all those lovely dishes!Some of them having cooked for the first time- a few laid on the disclaimers hard! but the took the risk to show up with their dishes to share, to laugh and to show that making an attempt is important.I truly feel blessed to be a part of their lives even if for a short time.I think this will now become a tradition of the NiNa ProgrammePeace!
Even if it doesn't work out the way you wanted it to, at least you've tried.
Life is huge! And, like life itself ... you never know what's coming next!
Susan Jeffers
The NiNa Programme for Young Entrepreneurs started last month, this cycle has 16 young ladies, some of the most brilliant and articulate sisters between the ages of 16-17 that I have the pleasure of being with every week. I learn so much from them, I look forward to the sessions and come away feeling refreshed and renewed. Today's session, I walked into the room and surprise- each of the 16 cooked a dish, the table was set and we sat together and ate from each of the 16 dishes (well truth be told I skipped some because I am a vegetarian and those sisters love their chicken and lamb!) I was so blown away by the gesture, it was an opportunity to sit and chat over a meal, a simple act which brings so much joy! I had to thank them for taking the initiative, the time and the effort to prepare all those lovely dishes!Some of them having cooked for the first time- a few laid on the disclaimers hard! but the took the risk to show up with their dishes to share, to laugh and to show that making an attempt is important.I truly feel blessed to be a part of their lives even if for a short time.I think this will now become a tradition of the NiNa ProgrammePeace!
March 2, 2016
Release it
We must be constantly reaffirming our dislike of a situation in order to keep it around. When we release our attachment to the problem or to the cause of the problem (all causes are in our mind, not "out there") healing is the result. That is nature’s way
. Ruth Clothworthy
Releasing a matter is tough when one wants to be in control and have things their way. It is tough because sometimes we feel wrong, or small or maybe even threatened. We tell the story over and over again like a broken record, Telling the story is good and encouraged to get it off your chest and acknowledge what is happening
But how do tell the story?
One of the lessons I will always remember is to "tell your story in a way that will empower you and empower others, otherwise don't keep telling that victim story over and over again" And so I am very mindful of how I tell a story, how I tell my story, because stories have power and healing and lessons attached, it is up to us to tell it in that way and believe in them
Part of telling the story is releasing the judgement! of everything and everyone especially ourselves.
Look for the good, speak it into being because trust me this too shall pass
Peace!
Releasing a matter is tough when one wants to be in control and have things their way. It is tough because sometimes we feel wrong, or small or maybe even threatened. We tell the story over and over again like a broken record, Telling the story is good and encouraged to get it off your chest and acknowledge what is happening
But how do tell the story?
One of the lessons I will always remember is to "tell your story in a way that will empower you and empower others, otherwise don't keep telling that victim story over and over again" And so I am very mindful of how I tell a story, how I tell my story, because stories have power and healing and lessons attached, it is up to us to tell it in that way and believe in them
Part of telling the story is releasing the judgement! of everything and everyone especially ourselves.
Look for the good, speak it into being because trust me this too shall pass
Peace!
March 1, 2016
A balancing act
There’s no ease, no expansiveness, no faith in oneself or trust in the world, when you avoid making choices that would lift you up, because you’re afraid of not having enough money.
It’s a fear of being defined by your (low) bank account numbers.
It’s a fear that you lack resourcefulness to find solutions if the shit hit the fan.
It’s a fear that you don’t know how to deal with the stress of a serious financial challenge.
It’s a fear that the world, your world, will fall apart.
The fear - yea the fear of having no money for me is real, the struggle.... is real! And yet the Course in Miracles says nothing real can be threatened and nothing real falls away. So I must be hallucinating or something...Deep down I know that it is really all a big heap of fear and I will admit, confessions on the journey, that I find myself deep in the heap.
This month, oh my word, a shovel and back hoe seemed to be required to get me out of the deep heap as I was down to my last 20 bucks, I haven't been here in a while.
I was trained as an accountant, I read many books on savings and investment, I followed many of the principles, saved ten percent of my income, invested in mutual funds, paid myself first yadda yadda yaddaand in a flash it was gone -well not a flash but you know what I mean...Choices rooted in fear and notenoughness will inevitably result is chaos and more fear and so that is what manifested in my life resulting in the "loss" of those material things.And so it was I did all those things in fear of losing it to show the world that I had it all together. All the reasons not to do something!
And so after the "loss"I said - what's the point, I might as well live my life and ignore all that so called good advice - another fear - detachment is a subtle form of fear, pretending you do not care to avoid being hurt again.A balance, I have learnt, is requiredAccording to my grandma - everything in moderation, even moderation in moderationMy choice now is to plant the seed and believe, do the work and believe, set the intention to live life abundantly and trust that it will happen and... believeI have some awesome angels around me and one of them have stepped in to play the role of business manager and this I have seen immediate effectsThere is the choice of jumping on the Scarcity loop or the Abundance loopand trust me abundance comes in to my life in so many different forms
And just as I was about to spend the $20bucks, someone called me for a cheque- abundance comes in many ways and always right on timePeace!
It’s a fear of being defined by your (low) bank account numbers.
It’s a fear that you lack resourcefulness to find solutions if the shit hit the fan.
It’s a fear that you don’t know how to deal with the stress of a serious financial challenge.
It’s a fear that the world, your world, will fall apart.
The fear - yea the fear of having no money for me is real, the struggle.... is real! And yet the Course in Miracles says nothing real can be threatened and nothing real falls away. So I must be hallucinating or something...Deep down I know that it is really all a big heap of fear and I will admit, confessions on the journey, that I find myself deep in the heap.
This month, oh my word, a shovel and back hoe seemed to be required to get me out of the deep heap as I was down to my last 20 bucks, I haven't been here in a while.
I was trained as an accountant, I read many books on savings and investment, I followed many of the principles, saved ten percent of my income, invested in mutual funds, paid myself first yadda yadda yaddaand in a flash it was gone -well not a flash but you know what I mean...Choices rooted in fear and notenoughness will inevitably result is chaos and more fear and so that is what manifested in my life resulting in the "loss" of those material things.And so it was I did all those things in fear of losing it to show the world that I had it all together. All the reasons not to do something!
And so after the "loss"I said - what's the point, I might as well live my life and ignore all that so called good advice - another fear - detachment is a subtle form of fear, pretending you do not care to avoid being hurt again.A balance, I have learnt, is requiredAccording to my grandma - everything in moderation, even moderation in moderationMy choice now is to plant the seed and believe, do the work and believe, set the intention to live life abundantly and trust that it will happen and... believeI have some awesome angels around me and one of them have stepped in to play the role of business manager and this I have seen immediate effectsThere is the choice of jumping on the Scarcity loop or the Abundance loopand trust me abundance comes in to my life in so many different forms
And just as I was about to spend the $20bucks, someone called me for a cheque- abundance comes in many ways and always right on timePeace!
February 29, 2016
Excerpt from What Did I Learn Today?
“Self-love is simply appreciating the miracle of my own being. When I really love myself, I cannot hurt myself, and I cannot hurt another person. It begins with self-acceptance and self-love. I no longer wait to be perfect in order to love myself. I accept myself exactly as I am, right here and now.
Self hatred is really only hating your own thoughts. Don't hate yourself for having the thoughts. Gently change your thoughts. Acknowledge that you created them to fulfill a need. Now you are finding new, positive ways to fulfill those needs. So lovingly release the old negative patterns."
Loving yourself is the catalyst of living a healthy and abundant life. It is really about me, no one else! I got it! Don’t beat up yourself all the time; learn the lesson and next time it shows up practice what you’ve learnt. Paying attention to my emotions in a healthy way is a good thing; I always thought it was a sign of either being weak or focusing on drama! Emotions are guides, listen to them and make a choice.
Many times we focus on what’s missing, what we don;t have and all that does is draw more of the same on to you. And when that happens, we beat up ourselves, with that the cycle continues.
Meanwhile at home, I had left my house empty in the hands of a real estate agent, I budgeted three months of mortgage as I anticipated by that time the place would be rented. It was coming up to the seventh month and there were no renters in plain sight. I started getting the calls from the bank about when am I going to settle these outstanding arrears. No one knew my situation, I kept it all to myself. I convinced myself that the loss of my job and the breakdown of my marriage was enough. A tenant will be found soon, it was just a matter of time.I never even told the bank that I was now divorced, they kept asking about my husband’s role in this and I stuck to the story of he is no longer responsible for the mortgage.“Well is he unemployed?”“No”“Is he ill?”“No”“He just is no longer responsible”I think the poor lady was in between baffled and frustratedOne afternoon I was coming back from the library and the phone rang, I recognised the number as the bankI answeredOK we have given you enough time, if you do not settle these arrears by next week the house will be put up for sale“Sale?”“Yes sale”Click, phone went dead! So did my brain for about two minutes. Oh boy! I got home and sat at the edge of the bed, what now? I’m being good, I’m eating fruits and vegetables, I’m exercising, and I’m doing charity work. I brush my teeth and I floss when I remember! What now? Can I just get a tenant? What what?
Peace
Self hatred is really only hating your own thoughts. Don't hate yourself for having the thoughts. Gently change your thoughts. Acknowledge that you created them to fulfill a need. Now you are finding new, positive ways to fulfill those needs. So lovingly release the old negative patterns."
Loving yourself is the catalyst of living a healthy and abundant life. It is really about me, no one else! I got it! Don’t beat up yourself all the time; learn the lesson and next time it shows up practice what you’ve learnt. Paying attention to my emotions in a healthy way is a good thing; I always thought it was a sign of either being weak or focusing on drama! Emotions are guides, listen to them and make a choice.
Many times we focus on what’s missing, what we don;t have and all that does is draw more of the same on to you. And when that happens, we beat up ourselves, with that the cycle continues.
Meanwhile at home, I had left my house empty in the hands of a real estate agent, I budgeted three months of mortgage as I anticipated by that time the place would be rented. It was coming up to the seventh month and there were no renters in plain sight. I started getting the calls from the bank about when am I going to settle these outstanding arrears. No one knew my situation, I kept it all to myself. I convinced myself that the loss of my job and the breakdown of my marriage was enough. A tenant will be found soon, it was just a matter of time.I never even told the bank that I was now divorced, they kept asking about my husband’s role in this and I stuck to the story of he is no longer responsible for the mortgage.“Well is he unemployed?”“No”“Is he ill?”“No”“He just is no longer responsible”I think the poor lady was in between baffled and frustratedOne afternoon I was coming back from the library and the phone rang, I recognised the number as the bankI answeredOK we have given you enough time, if you do not settle these arrears by next week the house will be put up for sale“Sale?”“Yes sale”Click, phone went dead! So did my brain for about two minutes. Oh boy! I got home and sat at the edge of the bed, what now? I’m being good, I’m eating fruits and vegetables, I’m exercising, and I’m doing charity work. I brush my teeth and I floss when I remember! What now? Can I just get a tenant? What what?
Peace
February 27, 2016
There's not a damn thing you can control.
There's not a damn thing you can control. Not one. But most of your suffering comes from believing you can. Maxie Mc Coy
I was at a spoken word event last night, really deep stuff, teaching youths using the oral traditions, and I met a young lady who I had a lovely breakfast meeting with early last year
She reminded me that we spoke about control and she admitted to me that she was a control freak and thought I was too cool about everything. She started volunteering with charity's and said it was the best thing she ever did because she knows for sure now that there is not a thing that she can control but herself. I laughed because I could relate to her and learnt that control is illusions or many times a form of fear!
I learnt that control and responsibility are two different things
Responsibility - my ability to respond to the reality of now
Control - trying to make things different especially when you are fearful, wanting to manipulate a situation to suit your fancy- mainly because of fear.
Getting by in this life unscathed is nearly impossible. Fearing pain and fearing hurt is practically a waste of time because it's exactly what will happen, at some point. But yet we still fear it. And that fear is oh so normal.
So ask yourself - do I want to be in control or do I want to be at peace?
Peace
February 26, 2016
Love never grows the same way twice
I have learned that love never grows the same way twice. Even if you circle back and love the same person again, the love will never be the same. Love changes because we change. Love is adaptable because we are. And loving yourself is the only way to wholly and completely love another.
Stacey Herrera
Confessions on the journey, I thought that self love was really about taking care of your body, having a pedicure, a health checkup, a manicure, a new hairdo. That is what I picked up as a teenager reading the magazines and looking at the women around me. And even with that I never took it seriously. There was nothing pointing to the inner work of loving yourself through being honest, accepting, trusting, acknowledging, setting boundaries and forgiving myself as part of the self love process. And from that place that I knew before, I lived my life, things were going well and then the shit hit the fan hey,
Try living a life without setting boundaries, people pleasing and not forgiving yourself, it is I tell you, not a sustainable strategy!!
Luckily,life speaks to us and shows us reflections through the people that come into and leave our lives. They are all mirrors. As you change, your relationships change some of them may come to a natural end and you or them move on when you have learnt all there is to learn from that space.
Some of the things you do may change as you change, but at the centre of that is how you are with yourself, how you show up in the self love room!
I look back and realized that I was showing up in many of my relationships without that full cup of self love and that was unfair to myself and the other party, but lovely as life is, it provided me with opportunities to learn the lesson over and over until I got it!
I started paying attention and this is why the love I have now for me is the love I have been waiting for my entire life, unconditional, forgiving my mistakes, accepting the skin that I am in, internal and external!
Love allows us to see and hear the best of what we have right now. The love within us grows and we grow, it shifts when we shift, when how we love shifts and grows, love gives us an opportunity to chose again, whether or not our partner changes.
According to Stacey " The loves that came before me were my guides, leading me home to my one and only. I am grateful for the heartbreaks and the tears, the joys and the sorrow. The loves of my past were each wonderful teachers, they schooled me on how to be unapologetically me"
Peace
Confessions on the journey, I thought that self love was really about taking care of your body, having a pedicure, a health checkup, a manicure, a new hairdo. That is what I picked up as a teenager reading the magazines and looking at the women around me. And even with that I never took it seriously. There was nothing pointing to the inner work of loving yourself through being honest, accepting, trusting, acknowledging, setting boundaries and forgiving myself as part of the self love process. And from that place that I knew before, I lived my life, things were going well and then the shit hit the fan hey,
Try living a life without setting boundaries, people pleasing and not forgiving yourself, it is I tell you, not a sustainable strategy!!
Luckily,life speaks to us and shows us reflections through the people that come into and leave our lives. They are all mirrors. As you change, your relationships change some of them may come to a natural end and you or them move on when you have learnt all there is to learn from that space.
Some of the things you do may change as you change, but at the centre of that is how you are with yourself, how you show up in the self love room!
I look back and realized that I was showing up in many of my relationships without that full cup of self love and that was unfair to myself and the other party, but lovely as life is, it provided me with opportunities to learn the lesson over and over until I got it!
I started paying attention and this is why the love I have now for me is the love I have been waiting for my entire life, unconditional, forgiving my mistakes, accepting the skin that I am in, internal and external!
Love allows us to see and hear the best of what we have right now. The love within us grows and we grow, it shifts when we shift, when how we love shifts and grows, love gives us an opportunity to chose again, whether or not our partner changes.
According to Stacey " The loves that came before me were my guides, leading me home to my one and only. I am grateful for the heartbreaks and the tears, the joys and the sorrow. The loves of my past were each wonderful teachers, they schooled me on how to be unapologetically me"
Peace
February 25, 2016
You are magic
You are magic - one day you will be willing to see that
- Deborah Johnson
One of the most important lesson that I was given is that there is no prerequisite for worthiness. You are worthy and deserve the best by virtue of just being alive, end of story. Being born into this magnificent life means you are worthy of the best that life has to offer.
How awesome is that to know and believe that you don't have to beg, bargain, trade and plead for your worthiness? you just have to show up every day, every single time, believing in that and always act on that belief.
As children, we get brownie points for behaving a certain way and then we start believing that our worthiness is attached to our behavior alone, we take this feeling into adulthood and believe we are worthy if only we do certain things and we even get rewarded for that behavior but nooo nooo
You are worthy - just by being alive, let's start there, we are born 100% worthy
What happens is that we forget or don't know or don't believe and start acting a fool
Circumstances happen that reinforce the feeling that we have to do something or be a certain way to be worthy or maybe not do something!
Hear this and hear me well
You alone are enough
You are worthy and that's just the way it is
Act like you know
Peace!
One of the most important lesson that I was given is that there is no prerequisite for worthiness. You are worthy and deserve the best by virtue of just being alive, end of story. Being born into this magnificent life means you are worthy of the best that life has to offer.
How awesome is that to know and believe that you don't have to beg, bargain, trade and plead for your worthiness? you just have to show up every day, every single time, believing in that and always act on that belief.
As children, we get brownie points for behaving a certain way and then we start believing that our worthiness is attached to our behavior alone, we take this feeling into adulthood and believe we are worthy if only we do certain things and we even get rewarded for that behavior but nooo nooo
You are worthy - just by being alive, let's start there, we are born 100% worthy
What happens is that we forget or don't know or don't believe and start acting a fool
Circumstances happen that reinforce the feeling that we have to do something or be a certain way to be worthy or maybe not do something!
Hear this and hear me well
You alone are enough
You are worthy and that's just the way it is
Act like you know
Peace!
