Tina Gilbertson's Blog, page 8

“Why Is Estrangement Always the Parent’s Fault?”

I recently received the following feedback about the estrangement article on my website (which is not specifically about parents and children, but rather any estrangement). It’s so similar to the theme of other comments on that article, and to those posted here in When Adult Children Won’t Talk to Their Parents and Estrangement Takes Two, […]

Why You Shouldn’t Label Yourself

The way people talk about themselves in therapy sometimes, it’s clear that certain things they do are a mystery to them. “I’m really bad at calling people back,” is the kind of generalization I regularly hear as a therapist. “Why do you think so?” I ask. “Um… because I don’t call people back?” Just as […]

Still Waiting For That Gold Star?

On your day off, do you feel guilty if you lie in bed all morning? Do you get up early even when you don’t have to be anywhere, just to avoid feeling lazy? Do you make yourself do things that aren’t necessary and that don’t affect anyone else, because they’re “the right thing to do”? […]

What’s Behind the Fear of Failure?

Fear of failure may be common, but its roots don’t always look the same in every case. In a room full of people who identify as being afraid of failure, you’ll get to a roomful of different fears if you scratch the surface. If you suffer with a fear of failure that holds you back, […]

Emotions and Heart Health

In my post, Emotional Regulation is Nonsense, I wrote about why it’s more important to control your behavior than to try to control how you feel. Recently I learned about a new study indicating that trying to control your emotions — especially so-called “negative” ones — can actually harm your health. You can read it […]

Don’t Speak Up, Speak In

If you’re in a workplace that’s sucking the life out of you, making you furious or otherwise driving you nuts, you might NOT want to speak up about it. People who speak up about what’s wrong at work are often labeled negative. If you have feelings about what’s going on in the workplace but you […]

What To Do When You’ve Made Someone Angry

Once again, I’ve come across an article by Peter Bregman that I wish I’d written myself. If you’ve read my post on how to apologize, you might have found yourself thinking, ‘Yeah, but I didn’t mean it that way. Can’t I just explain what I was thinking?’ Bregman explains why it’s consequences, rather than intentions, […]

Why Not Get Your Hopes Up?

Are you waiting for potential good news but you’re not sure it’s going to happen? Get your hopes up and enjoy those good feelings till the ballots are in! If it turns out to be a no-go, you won’t be any less disappointed than you would have been anyway. If the news is good and […]

Confidence, Self-Esteem, and the KLT Factor

Everyone wants to feel confident. It seems like at least half of my therapy clients mention confidence as an area they want to work on. But confidence isn’t something you can put on like a hat. It is a natural byproduct of knowing, liking and trusting yourself. I recently wrote a post about this for […]

Listening Is the Cheapest Medicine

Psychotherapy has been called “The Talking Cure.” It might be more accurate to call it “The Listening Cure.” Being listened to is healing, because it’s a way to be understood. And being understood is like a tall, cool drink on a hot summer day. Marriage & family therapist Cynthia Lubox speaks eloquently about the power […]