Tina Gilbertson's Blog, page 4

Why Our Relationships Hold the Key to Personal Growth

This week I’ve got an article I really want to share with you because it gets right to the heart of one of the most important truths about our relationships. We tend to be attracted to partners who help us recreate the same troublesome dynamics we were hurt by earlier in life. For example, a […]

“Sorry” Isn’t Always Good Enough

I’m on vacation this week, and my mom has come to town to join me on a couple of road trips. A few days ago we were in the tippy-left corner of Oregon, visiting the historic city of Astoria. Nestled in the hills at the mouth of the Columbia River, the town has a generous […]

How to Recognize When You’re Being Passive-Aggressive

Who among us can honestly say they’ve never behaved in a passive-aggressive way? When I’m not being assertive, passive-aggression is my go-to. I figure it’s better than outright aggression, and I don’t seem to be wired for passivity, so sometimes it feels like the best option. There are hundreds — maybe thousands — of subtle […]

Can Reconnection Cure Boredom?

I’m not often bored these days, but I certainly have been bored before. I don’t like it. Not one bit. I’m curious about boredom. I want to know what causes it and why some people seem to experience boredom constantly, while others rarely or never do. Boredom feels bad, but it seems different from other […]

Why We Need to Embrace Self-Pity

I love self-pity. It’s so necessary, because nobody knows how bad things can get for us sometimes like we do. The only problem I can see with self-pity is that we don’t do it enough! “But what about all those self-pitying types who go on and on about what a bum deal they’ve gotten?,” you […]

7 Ways to Spring Clean Your Relationships

Now that spring is here, I thought I’d offer a few tips for some “relationship spring cleaning.” Try these with your partner, friends, family, or even coworkers. 1. Listen more. Even if the other person already does most of the talking, how carefully do you typically listen? Challenge yourself to tune in to what they’re […]

Parent-Child Estrangement Is Sometimes (But Not Always) About Abuse

I received the following feedback last week about an excerpt from my Guide for Parents of Estranged Adult Children, and I wanted to respond. Unfortunately, the feedback was anonymous. Surely this person is not alone. So I thought I’d respond with a blog post… S/he wrote: I read through your entire page on Estrangement and […]

Why Dogs (and SOME Cats) Make the Best Therapists

When it comes right down to it, no matter how much you might love all animals, you’re either a dog person or a cat person. (Of course, if you didn’t grow up with pets, it may be a mystery to you why anyone would want to share their home with animals of any kind. Isn’t […]

Grow Your Child’s (or Your Own) Emotional Intelligence

Everyone pretty much agrees on the importance of emotional literacy, at least in theory. As a society, we want children to learn how to deal with difficult feelings, both their own and others’. But how exactly do we teach them that? Especially if we ourselves aren’t sure we’ve got a handle on our own emotions? […]

On Caring What People Think of You

I have a Google alert set up to fetch every new page on the Internet that contains my book title, Constructive Wallowing. Usually the automated search will find me quoted in an article that cites the book, which is what I’d expect. But sometimes it comes up with pages I never dreamed existed. I recently […]