Bart King's Blog, page 251

Gentlemen, start your excuses!

In case you get a crummy present this week, you may need to polish up your excuses. Luckily, I've got you covered!

"I really don't deserve this gift. No. Really."

"Gosh, I hope this never catches fire!"

"I love this gift! But if I wear it, I fear the jealousy it will inspire in others."

"If the dog buries this, I'll be just furious!"

"If I hadn't grown four sizes in the last decade, this sweater would've fit."

Thanks to the Edge !

If I could only get ONE gift this holiday...

...it probably wouldn't be this dancing cat that hooks up to an iPod. (The dancing dog, MAYBE.)

Two Explosions!

First up is this great photo of an exercise that the South Korean Marine Corps and the U.S. Navy did. Wow.



Picture by Jo Yong-Hak for REUTERS
Secondly, some kids like books. Some don't like books. And some just kids REALLY don't want books for the holidays!

"You can have this book when you pry it from my pudgy, sticky fingers."

In 1960, a four-year old kid named Philip Ross sat down at a Los Angeles library with a copy of ABC Easter Bunny.



He was armed with a toy pistol.  Philip did NOT want to the disturbed!Photo from the Los Angeles Public Library.

The Eagle Has Landed...

...now drive him away!



"Get moving, punk!

Hit the road...or air...whatever!"
A group of meerkats are peeved that this eagle was sunbathing near their home.

Photo by Charlie Summers.

What's a good gift without treachery?

Sadly, Blankeez don't really exist. But the ridiculous IDEA of Blankeez is so cool, you CAN buy this box for it!



Over at Prank Packs , they sell boxes for stupendously bad products. Then you put your REAL gift inside. And when it gets unwrapped, your present will look good in comparison! (You hope.)

Via.

If you want to dance to "Planet Rock"...

...you're going to have to master the "Double Dream Hands" move!

Television Licenses Are Fun!

Did you know that in some countries (like England), you have to buy a license for your television?



That's right, the people have TV licenses. And it's illegal to have an unlicensed TV! Here are some of the lousy excuses people in England gave for NOT paying for their TV licenses:"My house was invaded by a squirrel which peed on my TV, so now it doesn't work properly."
"I don't need to buy a licence as I live like a Buddha."
"I don't watch the television; I just use it as a light in the dark."
"Can you call back later? I want to finish watching the end of this TV program."
"I thought my TV Licence would be free as I only watch TV when I'm bored and mostly at the weekends."


From Newslite.

We Have Tracked the Enemy

Defense Technology International is a fine magazine. About this article's headline, though...

"It was the best of smells, it was the worst of smells."

Please take a swing over to the Oregonian 's books section. 

There, you'll find my infinitely amusing essay on author-scented candles!