Bart King's Blog, page 160
January 11, 2013
What a good idea!
January 9, 2013
January 7, 2013
January 6, 2013
Grammarians LOVE "knock-knock" jokes!
"Knock, knock." "Who’s there?"
"To."
"To who?"
"It’s to WHOM, you illiterate nincompoop."
January 3, 2013
Every kid with an iPhone needs Janell Hofmann's 18 rules!
Greg Hoffman (above, left) is a kid who just got an iPhone from his
parents. His mom, Janell Hofmann (right), wrote some terrific rules for its
use. Go to her blog to get the full story!
Every kid with an iPhone needs Janell Hoffman's 18 rules!
Greg Hoffman (above, left) is a kid who just got an iPhone from his
parents. His mom, Janell Hoffman (right), wrote these [slightly edited] rules for its
use:
1. It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning
it to you. Aren't I the greatest?
2. I will always know the password.
3. If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use
your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads
"Mom" or "Dad". Not ever.
4. Hand the phone to one of your parents promptly at 7:30pm
every school night & every weekend night at 9:00pm. It will be shut off for
the night and turned on again at 7:30am. If you would not make a call to
someone's land line, wherein their parents may answer first, then do not call
or text. Listen to those instincts and respect other families like we would
like to be respected.
5. It does not go to school with you. Have a conversation
with the people you text in person. It's a life skill.
6. If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or
vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement costs or
repairs.
7. Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive
another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful
to others. Be a good friend first or stay the hell out of the crossfire.
8-9. Do not text, email, or say anything through this device
you would not say in person.
10. No porn.
11. Turn it off, silence it, put it away in public.
Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human
being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the iPhone to change that.
12. Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or
anyone else's private parts. Don't laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do
this despite your high intelligence. It is risky and could ruin your
teenage/college/adult life. It is always a bad idea. Cyberspace is vast and
more powerful than you. And it is hard to make anything of this magnitude
disappear -- including a bad reputation.
13. Don't take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no
need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your
memory for eternity.
14. Leave your phone home sometimes and feel safe and secure
in that decision. It is not alive or an extension of you. Learn to live without
it. Be bigger and more powerful than FOMO -- fear of missing out.
15. Download music that is new or classic or different than
the millions of your peers that listen to the same exact stuff. Your generation
has access to music like never before in history. Take advantage of that gift.
Expand your horizons.
16. Play a game with words or puzzles or brain teasers every
now and then.
17. Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you.
Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger.
Wonder without googling.
18. You will mess up. I will take away your phone. We will
sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. You & I, we are
always learning. I am on your team. We are in this together.
Awesome, right? I posted this last night on my Facebook page. As of now, it has over 20,000 "Likes"—and has been shared over 10,000 times! Crazy, right? So Janell Hoffman has really hit a chord (or ringtone) with this. And good on her!However, now that I know what people on Facebook like to read. So next, I'm going to post my wife's reminders for me on how to use the microwave properly. ("1. Cover your probiotic lentils before heating," etc.)
January 2, 2013
Terms of Endearment, Vegetable Division
Excellent: pumpkin
Acceptable: cabbage
Inauspicious: Brussels sprout, as in Will You Be My Brussels Sprout?
Also by the same author: I Am an Artichoke (via Awful Library Books)
