Roxy Mews's Blog, page 3
January 14, 2020
When it's a really bad day
There are probably at least two or three other posts about this even on my own blog, but I wanted to take a minute to talk about the bad days. I have had quite a few and so have many other people around me lately. So I think it's worth discussing again.
I don't claim any knowledge about mental illness or great insight into physical ailments. I am for the most part, able bodied, and aside from the occasional slips, I am able to function in the real world with some mental stability.
But there was a time, where I binge-watched Netflix shows and didn't eat anything but instant ramen. I knew my husband was worried about me, but aside from getting into therapy, (which we couldn't afford), I had to ride it out. And I did. Because I've done the "ride it out" dance quite a few times over the years.
When I got into planners, bullet journals, morning pages, and all the variations of those types of things, I found out that my way of coping worked best when I wrote down what I needed to do.
This doesn't work for everyone, but making lists and crossing off the little wins throughout the day helped me put one foot in front of the other.
If you are a planner addict, or list maker, like me...I wanted to share what I put on my list on the really bad days.
ROXY'S SELF-CARE TO DO LIST
1. Shower - There is something incredibly cathartic about washing yourself physically and watching the water run down the drain. I'm not a bath person. Soaking in my own funk is not for me. But if it's your happy place, do you. However you clean yourself...it's something I always put on my list when I realize I'm in a bad place. Because I usually need it by then.
2. Drink a full bottle of water - Being dehydrated is something I struggle with when I'm down. I resort to coffee and wine, and pretty much drink the first one until it's socially acceptable to drink the second. Drinking water is something I track when I need to, and in those rare moments I'm on a diet. A nutrition coach said you need to drink half of your body weight in ounces of water. (200lbs = 100oz/day) So I try to hit that goal, but on a bad day...I'm happy with a full bottle.
3. Eat something green - Diet also tends to suffer on the bad days, because fast food is easy, and tasty. But when I miss veggies in too many meals, my body feels it. Don't know if that has to do with getting older, or just more in tune with my body...either way...eat your veggies, kids.
4. Take a nap - I have put this on my To Do list more than once. One of the kids has to be at the bus stop by 6:25 every morning. So my wake up calls are brutal. Naps not only give me permission to shut off my brain, but help me recoup some of the sleep I am always short on. And ducking under a fluffy comforter is better than therapy some days. Do you have a list of things that you do when you're having a really bad day? I'd love to hear them. I could always use items to add to my list.
And if you're struggling because life can beat even the strongest person to the ground, please know that you're not alone. Please know that it's okay to huddle up and take care of yourself. And please know that you're worth taking care of.
~Roxy
I don't claim any knowledge about mental illness or great insight into physical ailments. I am for the most part, able bodied, and aside from the occasional slips, I am able to function in the real world with some mental stability.
But there was a time, where I binge-watched Netflix shows and didn't eat anything but instant ramen. I knew my husband was worried about me, but aside from getting into therapy, (which we couldn't afford), I had to ride it out. And I did. Because I've done the "ride it out" dance quite a few times over the years.
When I got into planners, bullet journals, morning pages, and all the variations of those types of things, I found out that my way of coping worked best when I wrote down what I needed to do.
This doesn't work for everyone, but making lists and crossing off the little wins throughout the day helped me put one foot in front of the other.
If you are a planner addict, or list maker, like me...I wanted to share what I put on my list on the really bad days.
ROXY'S SELF-CARE TO DO LIST
1. Shower - There is something incredibly cathartic about washing yourself physically and watching the water run down the drain. I'm not a bath person. Soaking in my own funk is not for me. But if it's your happy place, do you. However you clean yourself...it's something I always put on my list when I realize I'm in a bad place. Because I usually need it by then.
2. Drink a full bottle of water - Being dehydrated is something I struggle with when I'm down. I resort to coffee and wine, and pretty much drink the first one until it's socially acceptable to drink the second. Drinking water is something I track when I need to, and in those rare moments I'm on a diet. A nutrition coach said you need to drink half of your body weight in ounces of water. (200lbs = 100oz/day) So I try to hit that goal, but on a bad day...I'm happy with a full bottle.
3. Eat something green - Diet also tends to suffer on the bad days, because fast food is easy, and tasty. But when I miss veggies in too many meals, my body feels it. Don't know if that has to do with getting older, or just more in tune with my body...either way...eat your veggies, kids.
4. Take a nap - I have put this on my To Do list more than once. One of the kids has to be at the bus stop by 6:25 every morning. So my wake up calls are brutal. Naps not only give me permission to shut off my brain, but help me recoup some of the sleep I am always short on. And ducking under a fluffy comforter is better than therapy some days. Do you have a list of things that you do when you're having a really bad day? I'd love to hear them. I could always use items to add to my list.
And if you're struggling because life can beat even the strongest person to the ground, please know that you're not alone. Please know that it's okay to huddle up and take care of yourself. And please know that you're worth taking care of.
~Roxy
January 9, 2020
The Blood Beast
I felt the pain. The nails raking down my abdomen, made me aware that the beast had returned.
I was invaded. But there was no way to eradicate the blades ripping me open. You’d never know what was erupting inside me, just by looking at my skin. And that was exactly what the beast wanted. It lay in wait of the perfect moment to take over. It watched a perfectly normal life be lived. It knew to strike when I felt the most safe. Belly full of food, napping on the bed, I didn’t even see the bastard coming.
The shredded remains of my inner organs stayed put beneath beaten skin today. I was lucky. I remained conscious. I remained upright, and I didn’t once spew the vileness the beast provided like bacon-wrapped delicacies on a silver platter. I’m strong, but even I can recognize when I am outmatched. At least, that's what I tried to tell myself.
But the beast felt my defeat, and grew in strength as it drained my own. It knew I couldn’t hide. It knew I was powerless to stop it. There was nothing left to do but bleed.
In other words…
I started my period and this sucks. Send chocolate.
~Roxy
I was invaded. But there was no way to eradicate the blades ripping me open. You’d never know what was erupting inside me, just by looking at my skin. And that was exactly what the beast wanted. It lay in wait of the perfect moment to take over. It watched a perfectly normal life be lived. It knew to strike when I felt the most safe. Belly full of food, napping on the bed, I didn’t even see the bastard coming.
The shredded remains of my inner organs stayed put beneath beaten skin today. I was lucky. I remained conscious. I remained upright, and I didn’t once spew the vileness the beast provided like bacon-wrapped delicacies on a silver platter. I’m strong, but even I can recognize when I am outmatched. At least, that's what I tried to tell myself.
But the beast felt my defeat, and grew in strength as it drained my own. It knew I couldn’t hide. It knew I was powerless to stop it. There was nothing left to do but bleed.
In other words…
I started my period and this sucks. Send chocolate.
~Roxy
January 4, 2020
New Year, New Self-Help Book
If I have learned anything about myself, it is that I am a self-help book ho. I love self-help books.
There aren't a ton of brilliant break through moments in these tomes. Many self-help books talk about the same basic tenants.
Some of the themes I see repeated...
1. Use affirmations to tell yourself exactly who you are about to become.2. Think big, but start with small steps. Goals need baby steps, just like we did.
3. Start your day off right. Most of the time, by starting it off early.
Yeah. Early morning productivity is a big theme I see a lot in books. We all remember my Miracle Morning kick, right? If not, I'll spare you. I got injured and felt like absolute shit when I couldn't complete the umpteen million steps I had laid out for myself every day.
My miracle mornings had me feeling like I could take on the world...if I got them done. When I started missing the routine, I felt like absolute shit. I felt like a failure, and added into the other craziness that was going on in my life around the time I started missing my routine, it was one more issue that sent me spiraling.
As a straight-A student for the vast majority of my life, failure is something I fear. Failure causes an eruption of emotions that should probably be addressed by a professional, but that would involve me admitting my own short-comings to a real person face-to-face, and I can't think of a more real vision of hell.
And after saying all that...my latest self-help read is about waking up early and doing morning routines.
Now that you've all face-palmed at me, let me explain why.
I thrive in the mornings. The house is quiet. I get one-on-one time with my pets. I get to listen to audiobooks or podcasts without someone constantly interrupting me (in a house with 5 people and 4 pets that's huge), and I get to drink my coffee all the way through without reheating it.
When I was writing regularly, my best words came before noon. After making lunch for everyone and scarfing down my own food in between the different meals for my pickyass family, I wasn't good for much more than mundane tasks.
In the new year I want to find the joy in my life again, and much of that joy came from writing, reading, and my animals. When did I get time for all that? Around 5am.
Which is why I used some built up audible credits to download, Good Morning, Good Life .I'm also following along with a book club through one of my favorite planner channels on YouTube, Cindy Guentert-Baldo. She is doing a lot of "plan with me" style videos for the new year, and while she and I are not of the same planning style, I like hearing her opinions, and she's a foul-mouthed momma that I relate to on a lot of levels.
My thoughts on this book...
1. Buy or borrow in paper if you can.
This book has a few exercises at the end of the chapters that are a pain the butt to do if you have to keep rewinding to get the information down. In fact, I only completed the first prompt, because I was listening to this book while running errands, and stopping in the middle of the grocery store to write down deep meaningful journal entries just wasn't going to work for me. I'm probably going to re-read this or at least jump to the prompt pages when I have more time.
2. This is a kidless woman who works out of her home talking about how to make the most out of your mornings.
To be fair, she acknowledges that she has it easier than a lot of people, but I know many folks will be grumpy by this fact, so giving you the heads up if you're thinking of purchasing. That being said, I don't disagree with her logic or her methods. There is always a way to fit in your dreams, but you have to make it a serious priority. I published my first book in a 1200 square foot house with no office, three kids, and two dogs underfoot. Everyone has their problems, and if we assign priority to something, we can do it. (Not talking about people with chronic health issues or people in crisis mode. You know when you're ready to do something about your dreams.)
3. I view this as Miracle Morning Lite
I saw a lot of the Miracle Morning mindset and techniques in this book. The difference? Amy doesn't expect you to do all of them every morning. She just suggests options and wants you to craft your own experience.
4. A couple of items I plan on getting back to after reading this.
I'm going to start drinking water first thing in the morning again. Hydration is super important, and being that I'm recovering from the plague over here, it's extra vital. I'm also going to start journaling again. But I'm not ready to do anything too commitment heavy, so I'm journaling in the goodnotes app. One page. Big text. I'm also going to start reading more. But I have to admit that I'm not ready for romance yet. So I'm picking up alternatives. I'm getting into The Burial Society, by Nina Sadowsky, and I'm trying to read paper again to work on disconnecting from the internet. I learned I need to have a healthy distance sometimes, and it's important to have mental downtime.
The new year is always a time that I feel inspired to mix things up in my life. But rather than a radical shift this year, I'm going to start plucking bits from past years and make a new reality for myself.
I started this morning sitting alone and writing this blog. The kids and hubby are all asleep. School and all the activities that come with it start back up tomorrow, so I'm taking today to enjoy the calm before the storm.
I'm off to do a quick journal entry, and then read a book to unplug. After a load of dishes, because I think they multiplied overnight.
What are you going to do for yourself today?
~Roxy
There aren't a ton of brilliant break through moments in these tomes. Many self-help books talk about the same basic tenants.
Some of the themes I see repeated...
1. Use affirmations to tell yourself exactly who you are about to become.2. Think big, but start with small steps. Goals need baby steps, just like we did.
3. Start your day off right. Most of the time, by starting it off early.Yeah. Early morning productivity is a big theme I see a lot in books. We all remember my Miracle Morning kick, right? If not, I'll spare you. I got injured and felt like absolute shit when I couldn't complete the umpteen million steps I had laid out for myself every day.
My miracle mornings had me feeling like I could take on the world...if I got them done. When I started missing the routine, I felt like absolute shit. I felt like a failure, and added into the other craziness that was going on in my life around the time I started missing my routine, it was one more issue that sent me spiraling.
As a straight-A student for the vast majority of my life, failure is something I fear. Failure causes an eruption of emotions that should probably be addressed by a professional, but that would involve me admitting my own short-comings to a real person face-to-face, and I can't think of a more real vision of hell.
And after saying all that...my latest self-help read is about waking up early and doing morning routines.
Now that you've all face-palmed at me, let me explain why.
I thrive in the mornings. The house is quiet. I get one-on-one time with my pets. I get to listen to audiobooks or podcasts without someone constantly interrupting me (in a house with 5 people and 4 pets that's huge), and I get to drink my coffee all the way through without reheating it.
When I was writing regularly, my best words came before noon. After making lunch for everyone and scarfing down my own food in between the different meals for my pickyass family, I wasn't good for much more than mundane tasks.
In the new year I want to find the joy in my life again, and much of that joy came from writing, reading, and my animals. When did I get time for all that? Around 5am.
Which is why I used some built up audible credits to download, Good Morning, Good Life .I'm also following along with a book club through one of my favorite planner channels on YouTube, Cindy Guentert-Baldo. She is doing a lot of "plan with me" style videos for the new year, and while she and I are not of the same planning style, I like hearing her opinions, and she's a foul-mouthed momma that I relate to on a lot of levels.
My thoughts on this book...
1. Buy or borrow in paper if you can.
This book has a few exercises at the end of the chapters that are a pain the butt to do if you have to keep rewinding to get the information down. In fact, I only completed the first prompt, because I was listening to this book while running errands, and stopping in the middle of the grocery store to write down deep meaningful journal entries just wasn't going to work for me. I'm probably going to re-read this or at least jump to the prompt pages when I have more time.
2. This is a kidless woman who works out of her home talking about how to make the most out of your mornings.
To be fair, she acknowledges that she has it easier than a lot of people, but I know many folks will be grumpy by this fact, so giving you the heads up if you're thinking of purchasing. That being said, I don't disagree with her logic or her methods. There is always a way to fit in your dreams, but you have to make it a serious priority. I published my first book in a 1200 square foot house with no office, three kids, and two dogs underfoot. Everyone has their problems, and if we assign priority to something, we can do it. (Not talking about people with chronic health issues or people in crisis mode. You know when you're ready to do something about your dreams.)
3. I view this as Miracle Morning Lite
I saw a lot of the Miracle Morning mindset and techniques in this book. The difference? Amy doesn't expect you to do all of them every morning. She just suggests options and wants you to craft your own experience.
4. A couple of items I plan on getting back to after reading this.
I'm going to start drinking water first thing in the morning again. Hydration is super important, and being that I'm recovering from the plague over here, it's extra vital. I'm also going to start journaling again. But I'm not ready to do anything too commitment heavy, so I'm journaling in the goodnotes app. One page. Big text. I'm also going to start reading more. But I have to admit that I'm not ready for romance yet. So I'm picking up alternatives. I'm getting into The Burial Society, by Nina Sadowsky, and I'm trying to read paper again to work on disconnecting from the internet. I learned I need to have a healthy distance sometimes, and it's important to have mental downtime.
The new year is always a time that I feel inspired to mix things up in my life. But rather than a radical shift this year, I'm going to start plucking bits from past years and make a new reality for myself.
I started this morning sitting alone and writing this blog. The kids and hubby are all asleep. School and all the activities that come with it start back up tomorrow, so I'm taking today to enjoy the calm before the storm.
I'm off to do a quick journal entry, and then read a book to unplug. After a load of dishes, because I think they multiplied overnight.
What are you going to do for yourself today?
~Roxy
January 3, 2020
I'm Sorry I disappeared.
I threw out my dead plant today. To my defense, my husband killed my poor bamboo by shoving the little low light lover under a blazingly bright growth bulb. But I was so far removed from caring for it, I didn’t argue.
See…this bamboo once lived in my office. My writing office. My office I have been avoiding for the last 8 months.
Other things I have avoided the last 8 months...
~ all my friends (online and IRL)
~ my writing (haven't touched a manuscript since April)
~ social media
~ paying my bills
~ doing my hair, or even brushing it
Back near the beginning of the year, I injured my back at work and was effectively a walking zombie. Thankfully my local RWA chapter let me step down from the role I had accepted with a lot more grace than I probably deserved.
Because when I walked out of my last RWA meeting, I didn’t intend to go back.
I was going to have a lot to say about how I had mentally imploded this past year and what I was going to try and do to tear myself out of it. I had it all planned in my head. I was going to login to Twitter first. Tell people I was going to go live on Facebook, and then get online and just talk.
However, I decided to do this on Christmas Eve. Well, turns out RWA decided to take a ride on the WTFery Express that very same day.
As a pro lurker, I always "read the room" before I talk. I had cocooned myself into a tight ball of YouTube and Shelly Laurenston re-reads. I probably re-read her Mangus Pack, Pride, and Badger series, three times this year. That woman's books offered me so much comfort, that I have no way to repay her. Anyway, I knew better than to jump in to any online forum without seeing what else was going on. What I saw had my jaw on the floor.
Check out various hashtags like #IStandWithCourtney and #RWAShitshow for some current information, because even as I write this shit is changing. I'm not up to date, but this is where the majority of the information is flowing through, and where a lot of people are organizing.
Smart Bitches, Trashy Books put out a great article on the goings on, with links to the official filings.
@RomancingNope has a great thread on the goings on.
At this point, my RWA membership has long since lapsed, and so had my local chapter membership.
I am not about to come on this dusty blog and say I dropped my membership as soon as I learned what had gone on. I was already gone, but I can say I'm not surprised. Because if I had learned anything through my time in RWA, it was that the organization was about fitting in and doing things the "right" way.
I'm a white woman. I never experienced anything close to the brush aside that many authors of color had. I also came to RWA as a PAN (Paid Authors Network) member. So I had some legs to stand on. My first book released through Samhain Publishing (RIP) earned just enough to skate into the title.
Here's the main reason I struggled in RWA... I am not wealthy. I am not financially secure. And I felt every bit the poor schlub during each and every “opportunity” RWA afforded me.
I work a part time job, because daycare erased enough of my salary as a general manager that I would have taken a paycut if I had stayed where I was after my third child was born.
That’s right. Third. I am a momma. Have been for over fifteen years now. And let me tell you, horror stories have nothing on the thought of turning the boychild loose behind the wheel. I made a decision early on that I would not publicly post about my kids. But I did myself a disservice by segmenting that part of myself. And I'm going to stop that going into this new year.
When my kids were younger, nap time meant writing time. I had an easy schedule and aside from a few quirks that come from two of my kids dancing on the autism spectrum, there were only a few days I had to shut all the chairs in another room to save some of the furniture from a determined and impressively strong 2 year old and his tantrum.
When I started writing, it was an escape from talking about Thomas the Train, and getting to imagine a world where I played with sexy, confident, and fun characters.
I was blessed to get in with a few amazing women whose books I loved, and they took me under their wing. They gave me a boost, and I published my first books.
Those books didn't take off. And when Samhain Publishing went under, the meager checks that had been paying for my self-published work, and giveaways, evaporated.
There was no money coming in. I figured it was a hiccup, and I threw myself into RWA. There were a lot of successful women in my local chapter.
Surely I'd find advice to get where I wanted to be if I just took these classes...
If I just bought this book that my chaptermates recommended...
If I just went to this conference...
If I just went out to dinner with these people...
If I just entered this contest...
Do you see the problem with this plan I was working on? Everything cost money. I skrimped and saved. I haven't bought clothes from anywhere but a thrift store in over five years. "A Meal Out" for our family treat is McDonalds. We are splurging if we grab crazy bread with our Little Caesars.
The credit card debt started to climb as my kids found their own passions. Surely, I'll start making money again. I just needed to do this one more thing. Right?!?!
But the money never came in. My chapter was nice, but I kept getting the impression that everyone expected me to do more. Surely someone can provide snacks for the group. Surely someone can donate their time. Surely someone is able to take our guest out to dinner.
My last year at RWA I took advantage of the "Perseverance Fund". This is a fund where you get to write a stranger and tell them you don't have money. It's super fun.I don't ever ask for money. I make do on what I have. And begging for freebies made me feel like absolute shit. There's not too many people who take advantage of the fund. RWA board, this isn't the way to do this. I'm not sure what the other option is, but if no one uses the current option, you need to look at the reasons why. My reason? It feels degrading.
In my real life the bills started to pile, and the debt collectors started ringing my phone. I was in over my head. Way over my head. So I hid.
To the people I roped into writing with me...I have no excuse. I am so incredibly sorry I abandoned all of you. I put a message in our group.
I'm not going to say I know what I'm doing anymore, because I obviously don't. What I am going to say, is that RWA didn't work for me, and I felt like a huge fucking failure for having all the support I did, and not making it.
What am I going to do in 2020?
I'm going to survive.
I'm going to rediscover my joy in both reading and writing.
I'm going to try and tell you about it in this blog.
For a good while, I wrote here everyday. It's not "RoxyRocksMe.com" anymore, because someone bought my domain out from under me when it lapsed. I'm working on updating my social media to reflect that. I'll try and buy back the other domain if the money comes in to do so. Otherwise...it's just my name now.
And that's kind of fitting for where I'm at mentally. I'm just me. I'm not an expert, I'm just trying the best I can, and trying to share what I love and what works.
If you're willing to follow along with me, I'd love to have you.
Here's to 2020. Let's see what happens.
~Roxy
See…this bamboo once lived in my office. My writing office. My office I have been avoiding for the last 8 months.
Other things I have avoided the last 8 months...
~ all my friends (online and IRL)
~ my writing (haven't touched a manuscript since April)
~ social media
~ paying my bills
~ doing my hair, or even brushing it
Back near the beginning of the year, I injured my back at work and was effectively a walking zombie. Thankfully my local RWA chapter let me step down from the role I had accepted with a lot more grace than I probably deserved.
Because when I walked out of my last RWA meeting, I didn’t intend to go back.
I was going to have a lot to say about how I had mentally imploded this past year and what I was going to try and do to tear myself out of it. I had it all planned in my head. I was going to login to Twitter first. Tell people I was going to go live on Facebook, and then get online and just talk.
However, I decided to do this on Christmas Eve. Well, turns out RWA decided to take a ride on the WTFery Express that very same day.
As a pro lurker, I always "read the room" before I talk. I had cocooned myself into a tight ball of YouTube and Shelly Laurenston re-reads. I probably re-read her Mangus Pack, Pride, and Badger series, three times this year. That woman's books offered me so much comfort, that I have no way to repay her. Anyway, I knew better than to jump in to any online forum without seeing what else was going on. What I saw had my jaw on the floor.
Check out various hashtags like #IStandWithCourtney and #RWAShitshow for some current information, because even as I write this shit is changing. I'm not up to date, but this is where the majority of the information is flowing through, and where a lot of people are organizing.
Smart Bitches, Trashy Books put out a great article on the goings on, with links to the official filings.
@RomancingNope has a great thread on the goings on.
Needless to say, I knew better than to hop on a live feed and ask how everyone’s day was.To recap #IStandWithCourtney:
— Cate Eland (@RomancingNope) December 28, 2019
1) Sue Grimshaw liked a bunch of real racist shit on Twitter. Some romance authors noticed and started talking about it. Stories about Sue Grimshaw being real fucking racist started coming out.
At this point, my RWA membership has long since lapsed, and so had my local chapter membership.
I am not about to come on this dusty blog and say I dropped my membership as soon as I learned what had gone on. I was already gone, but I can say I'm not surprised. Because if I had learned anything through my time in RWA, it was that the organization was about fitting in and doing things the "right" way.
I'm a white woman. I never experienced anything close to the brush aside that many authors of color had. I also came to RWA as a PAN (Paid Authors Network) member. So I had some legs to stand on. My first book released through Samhain Publishing (RIP) earned just enough to skate into the title.
Here's the main reason I struggled in RWA... I am not wealthy. I am not financially secure. And I felt every bit the poor schlub during each and every “opportunity” RWA afforded me.
I work a part time job, because daycare erased enough of my salary as a general manager that I would have taken a paycut if I had stayed where I was after my third child was born.
That’s right. Third. I am a momma. Have been for over fifteen years now. And let me tell you, horror stories have nothing on the thought of turning the boychild loose behind the wheel. I made a decision early on that I would not publicly post about my kids. But I did myself a disservice by segmenting that part of myself. And I'm going to stop that going into this new year.
When my kids were younger, nap time meant writing time. I had an easy schedule and aside from a few quirks that come from two of my kids dancing on the autism spectrum, there were only a few days I had to shut all the chairs in another room to save some of the furniture from a determined and impressively strong 2 year old and his tantrum.
When I started writing, it was an escape from talking about Thomas the Train, and getting to imagine a world where I played with sexy, confident, and fun characters.
I was blessed to get in with a few amazing women whose books I loved, and they took me under their wing. They gave me a boost, and I published my first books.
Those books didn't take off. And when Samhain Publishing went under, the meager checks that had been paying for my self-published work, and giveaways, evaporated.
There was no money coming in. I figured it was a hiccup, and I threw myself into RWA. There were a lot of successful women in my local chapter.
Surely I'd find advice to get where I wanted to be if I just took these classes...
If I just bought this book that my chaptermates recommended...
If I just went to this conference...
If I just went out to dinner with these people...
If I just entered this contest...
Do you see the problem with this plan I was working on? Everything cost money. I skrimped and saved. I haven't bought clothes from anywhere but a thrift store in over five years. "A Meal Out" for our family treat is McDonalds. We are splurging if we grab crazy bread with our Little Caesars.
The credit card debt started to climb as my kids found their own passions. Surely, I'll start making money again. I just needed to do this one more thing. Right?!?!
But the money never came in. My chapter was nice, but I kept getting the impression that everyone expected me to do more. Surely someone can provide snacks for the group. Surely someone can donate their time. Surely someone is able to take our guest out to dinner.
My last year at RWA I took advantage of the "Perseverance Fund". This is a fund where you get to write a stranger and tell them you don't have money. It's super fun.I don't ever ask for money. I make do on what I have. And begging for freebies made me feel like absolute shit. There's not too many people who take advantage of the fund. RWA board, this isn't the way to do this. I'm not sure what the other option is, but if no one uses the current option, you need to look at the reasons why. My reason? It feels degrading.
In my real life the bills started to pile, and the debt collectors started ringing my phone. I was in over my head. Way over my head. So I hid.
To the people I roped into writing with me...I have no excuse. I am so incredibly sorry I abandoned all of you. I put a message in our group.
I'm not going to say I know what I'm doing anymore, because I obviously don't. What I am going to say, is that RWA didn't work for me, and I felt like a huge fucking failure for having all the support I did, and not making it.
What am I going to do in 2020?
I'm going to survive.
I'm going to rediscover my joy in both reading and writing.
I'm going to try and tell you about it in this blog.
For a good while, I wrote here everyday. It's not "RoxyRocksMe.com" anymore, because someone bought my domain out from under me when it lapsed. I'm working on updating my social media to reflect that. I'll try and buy back the other domain if the money comes in to do so. Otherwise...it's just my name now.
And that's kind of fitting for where I'm at mentally. I'm just me. I'm not an expert, I'm just trying the best I can, and trying to share what I love and what works.
If you're willing to follow along with me, I'd love to have you.
Here's to 2020. Let's see what happens.
~Roxy
April 2, 2019
Make the decision, or shit happens anyway
I don't know how long ago, or how many times, but I know I've talked about making the decision to do something on this blog before. That decision could be anything from finally moving that load of laundry you've washed three times already to the dryer, or setting up a retirement plan and drafting a will.
We make decisions about how to spend our time every day, and for a lot of us procrastinators out there, we find ourselves saying things like...
"I ran out of time"
"The day got away from me"
"How is it already 8pm?"
Just because we didn't actively say, "I'm going to scroll through twitter and find out what my Hogwarts house says about my dessert preferences through a quiz" we choose to do just that.
We put different levels of importance on different tasks. For my fellow procrastinators out there, if the world is not going to implode right this minute, most of our tasks can wait. In that eleventh hour we become productivity machines. We also figure out really quickly what items on our list necessitate the highest priority. Because when you need to get at least four hours of sleep before the evil day job, you're going to make a few cuts to your list. And the ability to have a clean mug to drink coffee out of in the morning usually tops my list, which is why in my eleventh hour I end up doing dishes.
I've gotten to the point in my adulting journey where I've realized if I make the decision to do something with all my mind and my heart, it gets done. No matter what the task is, or how odd of a time in my life it has to happen, I get shit done. But...I have to be all in.
I was trying to come up with a way to make you understand what "All In" means.
The best example of this in my recent memory is when I decided hubby and I were going to move. I knew when I wanted to sign on the dotted line. I knew I didn't want to be in any transitionary housing, and I knew we couldn't afford to buy one house without selling the other. So I took on basically a full time job of prepping one house, hunting for another, securing the financing, and finally accomplishing the move. I didn't have a backup plan. We'd be successful, or we'd be homeless. I got shit done.
Was the move fun? Um...no. Were there some things that could have gone more smoothly? Definitely, but we are in our new house, with a lower monthly payment, and no one sued us. So we're doing good.
I was committed. And I realized that if I give myself that level of commitment, I CAN accomplish whatever I want.
Never had something that was that life or death to compare it to? Okay...let's talk about the last time you really had to poop. Think back to that sense of urgency. I bet good money, you didn't just say, "Oh well. I don't have time to drop a deuce right now. I'll have to get to it tomorrow."
No matter what you were doing when that bad Mexican food from lunch hit you, you found a way to get to a bathroom. You re-worked your drive route to stop in and obliterate a gas station bathroom. Or you re-thought your route home so you could avoid the massive pot holes that might have shaken something loose. You re-scheduled a meeting because there was no way you were going to be able to meet with a client and not shit your pants. You...in that moment...made the decision to go to the bathroom.
I can hear you now..."But Roxy, that's different. You can't NOT go to the bathroom." To you naysayers out there, I'm telling you, if you have the ability to rework your schedule to go to the bathroom, you have the ability to rework the schedule to get your work done.
All you have to do, is feel the urgency that comes with it. That "NOW" feeling that makes your toes curl, because it's got to happen right this very second. When you can make yourself feel that...then you've really decided to do something.
I'm a writer, and one of the biggest problems I come across in my "Must Do" is getting started writing. I get interrupted. A dog vomits, a cat starts clawing the couch, or my problematic car dies and needs to get serviced...again. But when I really make the decision to write. I do it. I've written on my laptop in the repair shop. I've written on my phone while waiting in line at the vet. I've written on voice recording apps on my phone when stuck in traffic or running errands. I don't find the time, I create it.
So tell me...what have you decided is going to happen today? What are you going to create time for? I'd love to hear about it.
~Roxy
We make decisions about how to spend our time every day, and for a lot of us procrastinators out there, we find ourselves saying things like...
"I ran out of time"
"The day got away from me"
"How is it already 8pm?"
Just because we didn't actively say, "I'm going to scroll through twitter and find out what my Hogwarts house says about my dessert preferences through a quiz" we choose to do just that.
We put different levels of importance on different tasks. For my fellow procrastinators out there, if the world is not going to implode right this minute, most of our tasks can wait. In that eleventh hour we become productivity machines. We also figure out really quickly what items on our list necessitate the highest priority. Because when you need to get at least four hours of sleep before the evil day job, you're going to make a few cuts to your list. And the ability to have a clean mug to drink coffee out of in the morning usually tops my list, which is why in my eleventh hour I end up doing dishes.
I've gotten to the point in my adulting journey where I've realized if I make the decision to do something with all my mind and my heart, it gets done. No matter what the task is, or how odd of a time in my life it has to happen, I get shit done. But...I have to be all in.
I was trying to come up with a way to make you understand what "All In" means.
The best example of this in my recent memory is when I decided hubby and I were going to move. I knew when I wanted to sign on the dotted line. I knew I didn't want to be in any transitionary housing, and I knew we couldn't afford to buy one house without selling the other. So I took on basically a full time job of prepping one house, hunting for another, securing the financing, and finally accomplishing the move. I didn't have a backup plan. We'd be successful, or we'd be homeless. I got shit done.
Was the move fun? Um...no. Were there some things that could have gone more smoothly? Definitely, but we are in our new house, with a lower monthly payment, and no one sued us. So we're doing good.
I was committed. And I realized that if I give myself that level of commitment, I CAN accomplish whatever I want.
Never had something that was that life or death to compare it to? Okay...let's talk about the last time you really had to poop. Think back to that sense of urgency. I bet good money, you didn't just say, "Oh well. I don't have time to drop a deuce right now. I'll have to get to it tomorrow."
No matter what you were doing when that bad Mexican food from lunch hit you, you found a way to get to a bathroom. You re-worked your drive route to stop in and obliterate a gas station bathroom. Or you re-thought your route home so you could avoid the massive pot holes that might have shaken something loose. You re-scheduled a meeting because there was no way you were going to be able to meet with a client and not shit your pants. You...in that moment...made the decision to go to the bathroom.
I can hear you now..."But Roxy, that's different. You can't NOT go to the bathroom." To you naysayers out there, I'm telling you, if you have the ability to rework your schedule to go to the bathroom, you have the ability to rework the schedule to get your work done.
All you have to do, is feel the urgency that comes with it. That "NOW" feeling that makes your toes curl, because it's got to happen right this very second. When you can make yourself feel that...then you've really decided to do something.
I'm a writer, and one of the biggest problems I come across in my "Must Do" is getting started writing. I get interrupted. A dog vomits, a cat starts clawing the couch, or my problematic car dies and needs to get serviced...again. But when I really make the decision to write. I do it. I've written on my laptop in the repair shop. I've written on my phone while waiting in line at the vet. I've written on voice recording apps on my phone when stuck in traffic or running errands. I don't find the time, I create it.
So tell me...what have you decided is going to happen today? What are you going to create time for? I'd love to hear about it.
~Roxy
April 1, 2019
It's "Don't Believe the Internet" Day!
Today is a day that makes me smile. Because it was a way to play with my friends.
I love April Fool's Day. Even the biggest companies get to make jokes and produce big spoofs for us to giggle at. I always scroll through the social media of my favorite folks and every time they partake in the big day.
My favorite post from today was this YouTube video. They get brownie points from me for the headphones on the goats.
But this is one of those days that you need to take every video and post with a skeptical eye. Leading to one of my favorite realities of April Fool's Day...this is the one day of the year where people investigate things before they re-post them. If only we could do that all year. ;)
I adore the little jokes and shenanigans that run rampant. Even if it means mentally tasting birthday cake flavored salad dressing. Ew.In the end, I love any excuse to laugh and have a good time. Which is exactly why I have a couple of novellas that are perfect bedtime stories while you're wrapping up your last pranks of the day. Who knows...you may even get an idea or two out of them.
I've provided links and a little about each book below. But if you want to get your hands on the FULL collection of stories I've somehow convinced my friends to write, head to AprilFoolsForLove.com and you'll find my stories plus some hilarious and sexy stories from Mary Hughes, Jodi Redford, S.L. Carpenter, and Kayleigh Malcolm.
When The Lights Go Out
April Fools For Love 2015
Named after the date of her conception, April Prime was used to hiding away and avoiding the world on April Fools’ Day. Or at the very least, avoiding her parents who tended to celebrate the holiday very differently from the rest of the world.
This year would be different. This year she closed on a home, and was taking control of her life. A few hiccups had her headed to an office supply store in search of moving supplies. Crashing through a bathroom door, she stumbled on a bit more than she expected when mister tall, dark, and indisposed was already using the facilities.
Taylor James was stuck being the brunt of yet another round of April Fools’ pranks. One of them being a change of the bathroom door signs. He went to work knowing he’d have to navigate a mine field. What he didn’t expect was a woman bursting in on him only to send his head spinning.
Despite the scenery, April is ready to make a red-faced retreat. That’s when a car crash knocks out the power to everything inside the store, including the electronic locks.
By the glow of the emergency flood light the two realize they may be stuck for a long while. April and Taylor could wait out the inconvenience in silence, or they could capture a moment together, and just maybe find something special when the lights go out.
Warning: Sex in the dark may lead to orgasms and head injury.
Bottled Up
April Fools For Love 2016
A clogged drain. A pretend plumber. An April Fool’s Day to remember.
Good looks don’t last forever, and neither do modeling careers. When Nate’s time in the sun ends, he goes back to school. Trouble is, in order to pay for his last semester he’s going to need to get naked.
When a four month modeling contract took Nate Dallas on an adventure around the world, he was too young to realize he was an idiot to leave his Blue-eyed Betty behind. After one night of passion he let her love letters fade in his pocket instead of fighting for a trip home.
Betty Townsend never forgot about Nate. He’d sent her the world in envelopes filled with sea shells and sand. She saw stars when he kissed her under a sparkling spotlight on stage. And she felt her heart break when he never returned to her.
When Nate shows up at Betty’s door, big wrench in hand, she can’t believe her first love is the one her friend hired to fix the sink.
Once Nate recognizes Betty, stripping is out of the question. So is leaving. He can’t throw this chance away. The heat between them is undeniable, but when Betty finds out her first love is covered in glitter down to his g-string, do they stand a chance at rekindling the love that never really burned out? Or will fate make fools out of them again?
Happy April Fool's Day, everyone! May you not get stuck to your toilet, and may your oreos not be filled with toothpaste. Enjoy each other today, and make sure to send me your favorite pranks or jokes from today. Who knows...they may end up in the next installment of April Fools For Love!
~Roxy
I love April Fool's Day. Even the biggest companies get to make jokes and produce big spoofs for us to giggle at. I always scroll through the social media of my favorite folks and every time they partake in the big day.
My favorite post from today was this YouTube video. They get brownie points from me for the headphones on the goats.
But this is one of those days that you need to take every video and post with a skeptical eye. Leading to one of my favorite realities of April Fool's Day...this is the one day of the year where people investigate things before they re-post them. If only we could do that all year. ;)
I adore the little jokes and shenanigans that run rampant. Even if it means mentally tasting birthday cake flavored salad dressing. Ew.In the end, I love any excuse to laugh and have a good time. Which is exactly why I have a couple of novellas that are perfect bedtime stories while you're wrapping up your last pranks of the day. Who knows...you may even get an idea or two out of them.
I've provided links and a little about each book below. But if you want to get your hands on the FULL collection of stories I've somehow convinced my friends to write, head to AprilFoolsForLove.com and you'll find my stories plus some hilarious and sexy stories from Mary Hughes, Jodi Redford, S.L. Carpenter, and Kayleigh Malcolm.
When The Lights Go Out
April Fools For Love 2015
Named after the date of her conception, April Prime was used to hiding away and avoiding the world on April Fools’ Day. Or at the very least, avoiding her parents who tended to celebrate the holiday very differently from the rest of the world.
This year would be different. This year she closed on a home, and was taking control of her life. A few hiccups had her headed to an office supply store in search of moving supplies. Crashing through a bathroom door, she stumbled on a bit more than she expected when mister tall, dark, and indisposed was already using the facilities.
Taylor James was stuck being the brunt of yet another round of April Fools’ pranks. One of them being a change of the bathroom door signs. He went to work knowing he’d have to navigate a mine field. What he didn’t expect was a woman bursting in on him only to send his head spinning.
Despite the scenery, April is ready to make a red-faced retreat. That’s when a car crash knocks out the power to everything inside the store, including the electronic locks.
By the glow of the emergency flood light the two realize they may be stuck for a long while. April and Taylor could wait out the inconvenience in silence, or they could capture a moment together, and just maybe find something special when the lights go out.
Warning: Sex in the dark may lead to orgasms and head injury.
Bottled Up
April Fools For Love 2016
A clogged drain. A pretend plumber. An April Fool’s Day to remember.
Good looks don’t last forever, and neither do modeling careers. When Nate’s time in the sun ends, he goes back to school. Trouble is, in order to pay for his last semester he’s going to need to get naked.
When a four month modeling contract took Nate Dallas on an adventure around the world, he was too young to realize he was an idiot to leave his Blue-eyed Betty behind. After one night of passion he let her love letters fade in his pocket instead of fighting for a trip home.
Betty Townsend never forgot about Nate. He’d sent her the world in envelopes filled with sea shells and sand. She saw stars when he kissed her under a sparkling spotlight on stage. And she felt her heart break when he never returned to her.
When Nate shows up at Betty’s door, big wrench in hand, she can’t believe her first love is the one her friend hired to fix the sink.
Once Nate recognizes Betty, stripping is out of the question. So is leaving. He can’t throw this chance away. The heat between them is undeniable, but when Betty finds out her first love is covered in glitter down to his g-string, do they stand a chance at rekindling the love that never really burned out? Or will fate make fools out of them again?
Happy April Fool's Day, everyone! May you not get stuck to your toilet, and may your oreos not be filled with toothpaste. Enjoy each other today, and make sure to send me your favorite pranks or jokes from today. Who knows...they may end up in the next installment of April Fools For Love!
~Roxy
March 30, 2019
When the Evil Day Job earns its name...
I've been known to call my retail gig the "Evil Day Job". It was one of those titles that I'd always used to not give away too much information over the internet. I may not be well known, but I do have a public presence that anyone could find if they went digging.
This month, my day job earned it's "evil" descriptor.
Part of my duties include unloading palettes of product from trucks. Part of my employers' duties include making sure I have the proper equipment to do my job. Our truck shipments come on standard-sized wooden palettes that you may have seen people around the Pinterest world turning into various DIY projects. The palettes are often poorly stacked, but this time the shipment had shelving and other items needed for a large reset.
These palettes were double the normal length. And we didn't have forklift extensions. Or a larger motorized lift to unload them. The only way I could get these items off the trucks were by using the motorized lift we did have to tow the palettes to the edge, because the driver didn't have any equipment either. And then it was a whole lot of improvising.
Did I mention the wind chill was below zero and all of this was taking place outside as well?
Yeah. After a few calls, with such trouble-shooting genius from our general and district manager as "take breaks" and "drop the shit" I did what I've been doing for years and went to work. I was cold. I was tired, and I was over it.
All in all it took three hours to unload everything. I had gloves with grip that were rated for below zero temps, so my hands were fine, but being that I work retail, my outfit was just regular jeans and tennis shoes. It was when I started to thaw out that I knew I'd hurt myself.
Pro-tip: even if you're used to stopping when something hurts, below zero wind chill makes it so you can't feel when it hurts.
I felt a tightening and slow building pain starting in my lower back and knew I'd screwed up. So I went right from work, to the doctor's. Oh, I finished my shift first, because my boss gets a bonus if we stay below a certain level of hours, and there was no one else to cover the floor. Let me tell you how much I appreciate that.
Anyway, I went to the medcheck designated by my work for workman's comp cases, and was in plastic chairs for three hours, waiting for them to make a diagnosis that I could have told them walking in. I went home with orders to rest, and loaded up with heavy duty muscle relaxers and pain pills.
If you've ever had an injury or been in a car wreck, you know that the day after you hurt yourself is when you really find out how bad you hurt yourself.
Fam...it was bad.
Turns out I'd been bruising the hell out of my legs because I couldn't feel them, so not only was I in extreme pain in my back, but I looked like I'd gotten some really poorly lined leopard spot tattoos all over my legs. My cat sitting on my lap was akin to torture.
So I did what the doc told me to do and took the medicine as prescribed.
Now. I've never done recreational drugs before. And after this past month I think I made the correct choice to steer clear of mind-altering substances. Because I think I spent the better part of this month roleplaying as a puddle. The muscle relaxers had me loopy and unable to form sentences. Either that or I was asleep. I don't think I saw more than half the day without the back side of my eyelids trying to slide in front of my view.
I was pissed off too. I have been injured on occasion. Sometimes it was my own clutzy fault, and sometimes it was just a freak accident. Things happen. But I'd never been put in a situation where I was told by my superiors to do something that was unsafe and it resulted in a serious injury.
I was mad at my management. I was mad at the project planners. But what surprised me most was how mad I was at my own body for not being able to handle it. I run most everything around my house, and I ended up needing help with absolutely every task from laundry to dishes, to even pushing a grocery cart.
It took as much mental work as physical treatment to heal after this. And realizing my employer took not only time spent at doctors appointments away from me, but also the time spent healing really made me the most angry. I lost pretty much a month of my life, and despite being on severe limitations, I had to show up to work and work within my restrictions or I wouldn't get paid.
I'm finally able to handle being out of bed without pain or being stupefied with drugs. I was finally able to follow along enough to read a book again the past two days. But most importantly...I was able to start writing again.
Not gonna lie, I had to strip down to the bare minimum of social media. Bless Twitter for giving my brain short snippets of contact with the outside world. Because anything else...I just wasn't up to it. And I've seen enough authors stick a whole leg in their mouths that I pulled back from everything to make sure I didn't do something stupid online while on muscle relaxers.
You might be asking yourselves right now, "Okay, Roxy. This sounds awful. Why don't you quit?"Turns out retail work experience only gets you retail jobs, and I've been at my current company long enough that no one in their right mind is going to pay me what I get paid anywhere else. So if I leave, I'm taking a minimum of a 40% pay cut.
Y'all...momma needs her days off.
I've been talking to brick walls for years letting my superiors know that the way they are running things is not safe, and someone is going to get hurt. I work with some young kids, so I'm almost glad it was me and not them. I'm hoping that I raised enough of a stink about it, and racked up enough follow up visit doctor's bills that these folks are going to finally take notice and make some changes.
But I can tell y'all what...
This bitch right here isn't unloading reset trucks anymore. I'm going to be up at the front asking if you want the receipt with you or in the bag and waiting for the next person to make the "it didn't scan, so it must be free" joke.
Now that my head's clear, it's time to jump back into my life.
Missed you guys. Let's talk about something more fun next time. How about periods? ;p
~Roxy
This month, my day job earned it's "evil" descriptor.
Part of my duties include unloading palettes of product from trucks. Part of my employers' duties include making sure I have the proper equipment to do my job. Our truck shipments come on standard-sized wooden palettes that you may have seen people around the Pinterest world turning into various DIY projects. The palettes are often poorly stacked, but this time the shipment had shelving and other items needed for a large reset.
These palettes were double the normal length. And we didn't have forklift extensions. Or a larger motorized lift to unload them. The only way I could get these items off the trucks were by using the motorized lift we did have to tow the palettes to the edge, because the driver didn't have any equipment either. And then it was a whole lot of improvising.
Did I mention the wind chill was below zero and all of this was taking place outside as well?
Yeah. After a few calls, with such trouble-shooting genius from our general and district manager as "take breaks" and "drop the shit" I did what I've been doing for years and went to work. I was cold. I was tired, and I was over it.
All in all it took three hours to unload everything. I had gloves with grip that were rated for below zero temps, so my hands were fine, but being that I work retail, my outfit was just regular jeans and tennis shoes. It was when I started to thaw out that I knew I'd hurt myself.
Pro-tip: even if you're used to stopping when something hurts, below zero wind chill makes it so you can't feel when it hurts.
I felt a tightening and slow building pain starting in my lower back and knew I'd screwed up. So I went right from work, to the doctor's. Oh, I finished my shift first, because my boss gets a bonus if we stay below a certain level of hours, and there was no one else to cover the floor. Let me tell you how much I appreciate that.
Anyway, I went to the medcheck designated by my work for workman's comp cases, and was in plastic chairs for three hours, waiting for them to make a diagnosis that I could have told them walking in. I went home with orders to rest, and loaded up with heavy duty muscle relaxers and pain pills.
If you've ever had an injury or been in a car wreck, you know that the day after you hurt yourself is when you really find out how bad you hurt yourself.
Fam...it was bad.
Turns out I'd been bruising the hell out of my legs because I couldn't feel them, so not only was I in extreme pain in my back, but I looked like I'd gotten some really poorly lined leopard spot tattoos all over my legs. My cat sitting on my lap was akin to torture.
So I did what the doc told me to do and took the medicine as prescribed.
Now. I've never done recreational drugs before. And after this past month I think I made the correct choice to steer clear of mind-altering substances. Because I think I spent the better part of this month roleplaying as a puddle. The muscle relaxers had me loopy and unable to form sentences. Either that or I was asleep. I don't think I saw more than half the day without the back side of my eyelids trying to slide in front of my view.
I was pissed off too. I have been injured on occasion. Sometimes it was my own clutzy fault, and sometimes it was just a freak accident. Things happen. But I'd never been put in a situation where I was told by my superiors to do something that was unsafe and it resulted in a serious injury.
I was mad at my management. I was mad at the project planners. But what surprised me most was how mad I was at my own body for not being able to handle it. I run most everything around my house, and I ended up needing help with absolutely every task from laundry to dishes, to even pushing a grocery cart.
It took as much mental work as physical treatment to heal after this. And realizing my employer took not only time spent at doctors appointments away from me, but also the time spent healing really made me the most angry. I lost pretty much a month of my life, and despite being on severe limitations, I had to show up to work and work within my restrictions or I wouldn't get paid.
I'm finally able to handle being out of bed without pain or being stupefied with drugs. I was finally able to follow along enough to read a book again the past two days. But most importantly...I was able to start writing again.
Not gonna lie, I had to strip down to the bare minimum of social media. Bless Twitter for giving my brain short snippets of contact with the outside world. Because anything else...I just wasn't up to it. And I've seen enough authors stick a whole leg in their mouths that I pulled back from everything to make sure I didn't do something stupid online while on muscle relaxers.
You might be asking yourselves right now, "Okay, Roxy. This sounds awful. Why don't you quit?"Turns out retail work experience only gets you retail jobs, and I've been at my current company long enough that no one in their right mind is going to pay me what I get paid anywhere else. So if I leave, I'm taking a minimum of a 40% pay cut.
Y'all...momma needs her days off.
I've been talking to brick walls for years letting my superiors know that the way they are running things is not safe, and someone is going to get hurt. I work with some young kids, so I'm almost glad it was me and not them. I'm hoping that I raised enough of a stink about it, and racked up enough follow up visit doctor's bills that these folks are going to finally take notice and make some changes.
But I can tell y'all what...
This bitch right here isn't unloading reset trucks anymore. I'm going to be up at the front asking if you want the receipt with you or in the bag and waiting for the next person to make the "it didn't scan, so it must be free" joke.
Now that my head's clear, it's time to jump back into my life.
Missed you guys. Let's talk about something more fun next time. How about periods? ;p
~Roxy
March 1, 2019
Reading on a budget
The idea behind this post might seem counterintuitive to talk about as an author. You know...one who would love it if you were to buy a book or two. *HINT HINT* You could aways check the "Books" tab if you'd like to add some robosex or tiny house lovin' to your TBR pile. But before I was a writer, I was a reader. And money has never been something that could keep up with my appetite for books. I've been a coupon queen and purveyor of the sales rack for as long as I can remember. So I thought I'd share some of my tips for reading on a budget.
1. Don't be married to a format.
I absolutely ADORE reading on my Kindle. I love the ability for it to keep my exact spot. Since I can increase the font size, jumping right back into a book is super easy, even if I have to put it down in a hurry. But what I've learned over the past few years is that by allowing myself to be fluid in the format, I can take advantage of a lot of sales. When authors are looking to jump into new avenues, they tend to price things lower. Ebook, paper, audiobook, Radish serials, alternative vendor apps on my phone, all of them are there. Because sometimes an author wants to boost visibility on a certain platform, and they'll price items accordingly.
2. Get intimate with your library, and others nearby.
I'm incredibly lucky to be in a city with a robust library catalog. My library consists of multiple branches and will bus books between them for me to pick up at no cost to me. BUT, I have purchased a PLAC (Public Library Access Card) in the past. For my state, it's only $65 for the entire year, and allows me to drop in and get a library card for any library in the state of Indiana. This was amazing for me in regards to program access the other libraries had as well. But solely on a book level, if you're struggling to find what you want in your library, check out what other libraries are around you. You might be able to pay a small fee and gain access to a vast amount of other options. Or gain library ebook access when you might not have it available otherwise. And libraries buy the copies of their books, so by requesting books you'd like to see from your favorite authors, or supporting your local library by buying a card, you're supporting those authors too.
3. Subscription services aren't all bad.
I'm going to pre-empt this with the fact that I'm not a subscriber for anything other than Audible at this moment. I personally didn't find the value for other subscription services because I didn't use them. But check out the catalogs for online services like Kindle Unlimited, Scribd, Playster, or KOBO Plus. You might find something that works for you, and most of them have free trials. I personally liked Audible the most. Aside from the fact that the books I purchase with my credits continue to be mine even if I pause or leave the subscription, (I'm not sure if this is true of the others or not), I have access to Audible exclusive titles, and even things like guided mediations and Yoga routines. However, some subscriptions require the author to be exclusive with the platform, and for that reason, some of the bigger names I'd like to use the subscription for, won't be available. I'd say to pick your top 10 favorite authors and see what kind of titles you can consume through a platform for each author. If you can't find that many, move along to the next.
4. Newsletters and Mailing Lists are more than junk mail.
Sometimes. I have been thinning out my newsletter and mailing list influx lately, because it got to be too much, and I'm pretty sure at least one or two of the authors I subscribed to sold or swapped my list, because I got some junk mail from people I'd never heard of before. (Authors if you're reading this...don't give your email list to another author. It's a bad look.) But there are plenty of services you can sign up for, like BookBub, that will compile lists of sales. And I mention BookBub because I know authors pay to get on that list, and have an investment involved to make the book they promote be a great one.
Newsletters by your favorite authors are also a great way to learn about new releases, special promo pricing, and maybe even enter a giveaway. So while I'd caution to keep the subscriptions to ones you'll actually want to read, if you're on a budget, they can be an excellent source of information to save you big bucks.
5. Work your present-getting occasions to your benefit.
If your Aunt Cindy gives you another candle, you'd probably have enough to open your own shop. The vast majority of items you get from fairly distant relatives, or well-meaning family aren't things you'd prefer. Let them know you want book gift cards. Talk about it at family functions, tell your significant other to spread the word, tattoo the sentiment on your forehead, just get the word out that you want gift cards to Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, etc. Let people know you'd love to get that book bling much more than a blanket this year under the tree. You don't have to tell grandma that you wouldn't wear the jean vest she made, just let her know that you already have one and would love to get a book to cozy up with instead. If they want something to wrap, tell them to grab you a great hard cover new release you don't have the cash to splurge on yourself. If you hate the book selection the uncle you've blocked on Facebook gives you, just return it for in-store credit and grab the erotic romance you've had your eye on instead.
I purposefully left off half price book stores on this list. The reason is, I like to find ways to support the authors who are writing the books, and unless you're buying from the "New" section, resale stores don't send checks to the authors. And don't get me started on the pirates out there sharing books on torrent sites and Google Drives. I hope you all get a virus.
Those are my tips for reading when the cash is tight. What are some of your favorite ways to feed your reading addiction? I'd love to hear about them! I'm diving into my next read as soon as I get this blog done. Happy Reading!
~Roxy
February 26, 2019
I spend too much time in my car
I was dozing off in my chair near the end of last year, and I realized how little I'd accomplished that day. Many of the chores and random computer work I have to get done was always being pushed to the side because I couldn't get the MUST DO's done with all the in-vehicle time. I'm all about letting shit slide, but it's not fun when you're completely out of clean spoons.I'm a family taxi driver at the moment, due to our one-vehicle household situation. There are quite a few things I can't do on the road. Laundry, dishes, computer work, cooking, etc. Which means I need to knock out as many things as I can to make time for the never ending struggles of being productive at home.
Here are five things I started doing in the car...
1. Phone Calls
When I know I have phone calls to make, I dial my phone before I start a long car trip. Whenever I'm going to be driving during rush hour, I'll always plan to return calls then. I have a set of generic wireless earbuds constantly plugged into my ears, so I can avoid looking down at my phone as much as possible. I don't tend to have phone calls that necessitate note-taking, so I can chat, touch base, and if anything needs followed up, I ask the other person to email me. I can always use voice command to text myself anything vital after I hang up. I rarely answer my phone at home. Sorry, folks. You get car time.
2. Reading
I talked a couple blogs ago about my love affair with Audible. My time in the car was a huge reason I splurged for the monthly Audible subscription. I've been able to read at least one book a week by listening as I'm getting prepped in the morning, and, of course, car time. I'm happier when I'm reading, and this gives me a fix when it's not safe for me to bring out my kindle.
3. Eating
Okay. This might have quite a few of you shaking your head at me. I do try to take the time to sit down and eat meals at a table. But when you're spending a few hours a day in the car, you're probably going to need to multi-task somewhere. I keep meal bars on hand for breakfasts, and that's what I usually eat on the go, but I have gone through a drive-thru or two and purchased foods with serious one-handed eatability. (Tacobell's crunchwrap is probably my fav.)
4. Brainstorming
My voice recorder gets a workout during my time alone in the car. If I'm stuck on a project, I'll often run some errands and keep the recorder handy. An idea always comes up when I do this. And I get to check shit off my To Do list at the same time.
5. Charge my devices
I've made a habit of always plugging in my computer and tablet in my house before I leave, but I travel with my phone, kindle, and two battery packs. I have an old ass phone, and it dies after only a few hours. If by some miracle, my phone is at full charge, I plug in a battery pack or my kindle when I hop in the car. It's a good way to make sure I don't run out of juice.
Now...there are times where I'm waiting to pick someone up. In that case, I'll respond to emails, check social media, download more books or podcasts, and even mediate. I don't afford myself a lot of luxury items, but my phone is one thing I've splurged on because I truly have to use it like a computer.
Do you have a long commute? Or a lot of time spent in your vehicle? What are some things you've found yourself having to do when you run short on time? I'd love to hear about it.
~Roxy
February 23, 2019
I had my Query reviewed in #10Queries
I follow quite a few editors I admire on Twitter. While scrolling mindlessly one day, some of them started talking about something called "#RevPit" and "#10queries".
So I went through the new to me hashtags and worked my way back to an article called "February #10Queries Event". It was an event that would show editors during a twelve hour timespan tweeting about submitted queries and first five pages. I have a few other agents and editors I follow that do something similar, and I'm always fascinated by what makes an agent or editor pick up or reject a manuscript. (Follow @LZats and her #500Queries thread if you aren't already.)
I needed to keep up on this shit! It was a no-brainer to go through the rafflecopter widget the blog post used and see if there were any other interesting people I needed to stalk.
Not only do I love finding new writerly people on Twitter, but it would help me remember to follow the stream the day of. Well, turns out, by following these people, I was entering to win a review of my own query and first pages.
A query and first pages I didn't have yet. Which became glaringly obvious to my sleep-deprived brain when an email came through telling me I'd won and needed to send my query letter and first five pages within two days.
Ummmm....
I texted my lovely critique partner with a huge HELP! She told that we had this, and we got to work. Oh the things we're able to accomplish when we have a deadline, am I right? I had a manuscript that was "almost" done. I had an entire notebook filled with my brainstorming scribbles, and I had a few inspiration pics along with a happy notes notebook filled with research. A polished first five and decent query? Nope. Definitely didn't have that anywhere near done.
So we worked. My CP is fucking brilliant, and somehow she says the perfect things that send me in the directions I didn't know I needed to go. We had something at the end that flowed beautifully. It had taken us all damn night, but the eve of the due date, I hit send.
Sure...the morning after I double checked everything and had a "choose/chose" error. Because OF COURSE I DID. But it was off into the void, and there was no taking back that email.
I was suddenly obsessed with following the #10Queries hashtag. The few days between us sending off our work, and the event were filled with editors teasing us in the best way.
The day of, I stalked the feed far more than I thought I would. But before you tease me relentlessly, here's the thing... I hadn't put my work out to anyone in over a year. My little creative heart was absolutely palpitating just waiting for the first scraps of feedback.
It turned out there were only a couple paranormal romance books entered into the contest, so my CP and I traded screenshots and tweets over the course of the event.
"What about this one?"
"Nah. I wouldn't describe your writing like that. Maybe this one?"
"Nope, didn't have that event in my pages. Not me."
Rinse. Repeat. Continue for twelve hours.
Okay. Event over. It ended at 10pm which is usually my bed time. Some of the editors posted that they'd sent off the reveal of who their tweets were for.
I checked my email. Nope. Not mine. I stayed up until 11:30pm that night, which for this early bird is pushing it. When I got up at five in the morning the next day (#5amclub4life) I checked again. Nope. Nothing. Nadda.
I waited, scrolled, obsessed, and guessed for the better part of the next five days, and honestly, it got a little sad. Some folks were posting about the "great feedback" and "all the work" that the editors did. Okay. I subdued my mind a little by guessing my editor must have been putting some specific suggestions together regarding my query and first five. If I had to wait a little longer for an email, I'd suffer through it.
Then the email came. Five days later. And revealed my tweets. Just my tweets. No other feedback was provided.
I think that by following along trying to figure out which tweets were mine, I lost some of the value in the other tweets. Because once I eliminated them and moved to the next, it was hard to pay attention.
Like I said, the tweets were the only feedback I received. So if you're going into this thinking you're going to get a track changes style edit, don't get your hopes up. Maybe others got more detailed review than I did, but I think it all depended on which editor was randomly assigned the projects.
While it was good for me to practice the query, and get my editing gears turning again, I don't think I'd enter this particular contest again, because I feel like I missed out on a lot of the advice in the other tweets. My obsessive mind latched onto which tweets were about me, and I couldn't stop tearing them apart looking for clues.
I think the #10Queries loop was fantastic to follow as a spectator, however. Now that I'm on the other side of the event, I've been reviewing some of the information, and I missed a lot of the good stuff.
And while I'm not jumping up and down, I do have a query letter finished that I wouldn't have otherwise. Win. I'm going to send it off to a few other people to get some detailed feedback on, because I'd like some specifics. And I'm more confident it's not a total piece of garbage. Also a win.
Turned out this event came before the due date for my #CarinaPitch entry I got a like on. So...it was a damn good couple months on Twitter for me.
Have you entered a Twitter pitch contest before? What did you think of it? Were your expectations higher than the reality? Would you enter your particular event again? I'd love to hear about it.
~Roxy
So I went through the new to me hashtags and worked my way back to an article called "February #10Queries Event". It was an event that would show editors during a twelve hour timespan tweeting about submitted queries and first five pages. I have a few other agents and editors I follow that do something similar, and I'm always fascinated by what makes an agent or editor pick up or reject a manuscript. (Follow @LZats and her #500Queries thread if you aren't already.)
I needed to keep up on this shit! It was a no-brainer to go through the rafflecopter widget the blog post used and see if there were any other interesting people I needed to stalk.
Not only do I love finding new writerly people on Twitter, but it would help me remember to follow the stream the day of. Well, turns out, by following these people, I was entering to win a review of my own query and first pages.
A query and first pages I didn't have yet. Which became glaringly obvious to my sleep-deprived brain when an email came through telling me I'd won and needed to send my query letter and first five pages within two days.
Ummmm....
I texted my lovely critique partner with a huge HELP! She told that we had this, and we got to work. Oh the things we're able to accomplish when we have a deadline, am I right? I had a manuscript that was "almost" done. I had an entire notebook filled with my brainstorming scribbles, and I had a few inspiration pics along with a happy notes notebook filled with research. A polished first five and decent query? Nope. Definitely didn't have that anywhere near done.
So we worked. My CP is fucking brilliant, and somehow she says the perfect things that send me in the directions I didn't know I needed to go. We had something at the end that flowed beautifully. It had taken us all damn night, but the eve of the due date, I hit send.
Sure...the morning after I double checked everything and had a "choose/chose" error. Because OF COURSE I DID. But it was off into the void, and there was no taking back that email.
I was suddenly obsessed with following the #10Queries hashtag. The few days between us sending off our work, and the event were filled with editors teasing us in the best way.
The day of, I stalked the feed far more than I thought I would. But before you tease me relentlessly, here's the thing... I hadn't put my work out to anyone in over a year. My little creative heart was absolutely palpitating just waiting for the first scraps of feedback.
It turned out there were only a couple paranormal romance books entered into the contest, so my CP and I traded screenshots and tweets over the course of the event.
"What about this one?"
"Nah. I wouldn't describe your writing like that. Maybe this one?"
"Nope, didn't have that event in my pages. Not me."
Rinse. Repeat. Continue for twelve hours.
Okay. Event over. It ended at 10pm which is usually my bed time. Some of the editors posted that they'd sent off the reveal of who their tweets were for.
I checked my email. Nope. Not mine. I stayed up until 11:30pm that night, which for this early bird is pushing it. When I got up at five in the morning the next day (#5amclub4life) I checked again. Nope. Nothing. Nadda.
I waited, scrolled, obsessed, and guessed for the better part of the next five days, and honestly, it got a little sad. Some folks were posting about the "great feedback" and "all the work" that the editors did. Okay. I subdued my mind a little by guessing my editor must have been putting some specific suggestions together regarding my query and first five. If I had to wait a little longer for an email, I'd suffer through it.
Then the email came. Five days later. And revealed my tweets. Just my tweets. No other feedback was provided.
Q7: Para Romance - The voice is killer (pun intended). I am excited to get to know this MC, but the query is missing high stakes. I get a hint of the internal conflict, but it's not clear why the decision matters or what the worst-case scenario is. □ #10Queries #RevPit
— Victoria Griffin (@victoria_grif7) February 16, 2019
At least I found out which tweets were mine, and for the most part, they overwhelmingly positive. But here's my overall takeaway from this event.P7: Fantastic voice and smooth pacing. These pages flow well, introduce the main conflict, and make me excited to read more. #10Queries #RevPit
— Victoria Griffin (@victoria_grif7) February 16, 2019
I think that by following along trying to figure out which tweets were mine, I lost some of the value in the other tweets. Because once I eliminated them and moved to the next, it was hard to pay attention.
Like I said, the tweets were the only feedback I received. So if you're going into this thinking you're going to get a track changes style edit, don't get your hopes up. Maybe others got more detailed review than I did, but I think it all depended on which editor was randomly assigned the projects.
While it was good for me to practice the query, and get my editing gears turning again, I don't think I'd enter this particular contest again, because I feel like I missed out on a lot of the advice in the other tweets. My obsessive mind latched onto which tweets were about me, and I couldn't stop tearing them apart looking for clues.
I think the #10Queries loop was fantastic to follow as a spectator, however. Now that I'm on the other side of the event, I've been reviewing some of the information, and I missed a lot of the good stuff.
And while I'm not jumping up and down, I do have a query letter finished that I wouldn't have otherwise. Win. I'm going to send it off to a few other people to get some detailed feedback on, because I'd like some specifics. And I'm more confident it's not a total piece of garbage. Also a win.
Turned out this event came before the due date for my #CarinaPitch entry I got a like on. So...it was a damn good couple months on Twitter for me.
Have you entered a Twitter pitch contest before? What did you think of it? Were your expectations higher than the reality? Would you enter your particular event again? I'd love to hear about it.
~Roxy
