Roxy Mews's Blog, page 2

Taking my own advice and eating frogs

I was in a really bad spot for a really long time this year financially. I would break out in a cold sweat whenever it was time to pay the bills, because I knew there wasn't enough to cover it. 

Covid-19 hit my family really hard. Both my husband and I were deemed essential workers. But there was a shortage on every bit of cleaner and PPE on the planet. I had to take to online ordering to buy good masks, and gloves and cleaner. Only the organic meat was in the stores, and there was a limit on it. Our expenses went through the roof when we were already struggling. Even with no one getting sick, the financial burden was huge. 

I'm letting you in on this because I know I'm not the only one struggling. 

We ended up doing a lot of sacrificing, and cashing in to get out of that spot. But like clockwork, when I start to see bills...I get scared. Because I know that feeling of panic that comes from wondering if we are going to need to pay for an unexpected expense. 

I have been working a lot with my tarot cards, and my intuition. Today my cards told me to suck it up and get to work, and quit whining. 

My deck is hella sarcastic. 

I stopped my morning pages practice and opened up my laptop and dug in. I didn't give my over-analyzing brain a chance to panic, I just got started.

I feel a million pounds lighter knowing it's done. 

I know I have talked about this phrase "Eat That Frog" before. It comes from one of the few self-help books that stuck with me after I read it.  Mainly because the whole book can be knocked down to one idea.

Do the hard/scary shit first.

Literally. That's the main takeaway. You can still read the book. I don't remember anything beyond the main point, but you can grab the ebook on Amazon still. 

If you read the book or not, it's still great advice. Today, my frog was my bills. I had been putting them off for almost two weeks, and today I just grabbed my fork and knife (in the form of my bill bullet journal and pen), and chowed down (by actually going through and paying my bills). 

Sometimes it's good to remember the advice you've preached to others. Today I took my own advice and ate my frog. What frog do you need to chow down on today? 

~Roxy

#5amclub

I didn't used to be a morning person. I was one of those people who reveled in the 2am television zone out time. I even worked a third shift job. My co-workers and I would talk about the best infomercials to relax to after we got home and nothing else was on. 

This was before DVR, kids. I'm old.

But then I became a mom. I somehow gave birth to a morning person. An early riser erupted from my loins and I got into the rhythm of being up before the sun. I also learned how to exist on no sleep, and cold dinners, but that's another story.

Now my kids are older and finally sleep in, so of course my dumbass went and adopted animals who are also early risers. 

The lesson here is...I'm an idiot. Or at least, a glutton for punishment.

I have tried to make the best of the fact that I am up in the mornings if I want to be or not. I even, for a good portion of time, had myself convinced it was a choice. I fell down the Miracle Morning rabbit hole. (You can find my Miracle Morning Posts HERE.) I did get a LOT done. I was using my planner and checking off all the boxes. I discovered something about myself. If I don't get shit done before Noon, it doesn't happen. 

The creatures both big and small, wake me up, or rely on me to wake them up for school. I will be up and at 'em before the sun no matter what. Because of that early morning, lunch time is when I crash. Anything that requires brain power or motivation needs to happen before lunch, or it's getting bumped to tomorrow.

I also learned something about myself during this extended quarantine. I was running on a combination of caffeine and guilt before. I had a severe complex about getting absolutely everything done, and even when I found myself adding to my To Do list in the middle of the day, I felt guilty when I didn't get absolutely everything checked off. Quarantine forced me to stop. Literally. I couldn't go anywhere to get anything done. And my entire day was spent scrubbing shit down and going in search of toilet paper.

Were there days before the great bleach shortage when I did get everything done on my list? Absolutely. But guess what...I still felt guilty, because there were things from yesterday's list, or last week's list, or last month's list, that I still hadn't done. No matter what I accomplished, it was never good enough. 

I always set myself up to fail, and that was the only thing I accomplished like clockwork. Because when I put way too much on my list, I guaranteed I wouldn't get it all done. 

I was exhausted, and I was sad. A lot. 

This year I turned 40. If my family history has anything to say about it, I am most likely middle-aged. Half of my life is over. That fact hit me harder than I expected it to.

Sure I accomplished a lot that many people don't ever do. But I wasn't finding my happiness on a daily basis. 

My word of the year this year was "Joy". And who knew in January what a fucking challenge finding joy would be in 2020. But at this point in my year, and in my life, I think I am finally taking steps towards finding "Joy" each day. I'm not getting everything done, and I am not always super productive, but I am working on the negative pressure I put on myself first.

I have been using my time awake before my family again. But I'm not using it to be a #bossbabe or #hustle, or any of the other hashtags that are emblazoned in glitter on some network marketing coffee mug. I'm using my morning time to reconnect with myself. I'm pulling tarot, I'm journaling, I'm blogging. (See?)

Taking time for myself that is actually for myself and not a business move is new territory for me. I lit a candle today and let my family sleep later than usual. We are all on a staycation and while they got the joy of sleeping in I had coffee and video games. I had tarot and stickers in my journal. I had an online class that I bought myself with my birthday money.

Happiness isn't about who has accomplished the most, and it's all about the journey. It has to be. Because I'll tell you what. I wanted nothing more in my life than to get a book published, but then I did it, and it became...Okay...what now? If I don't stop and enjoy moments in my everyday, I am missing the point. 

I'm using my time in the #5amclub for me now. It's my time. Maybe it always was, but now my time is all about what brings me joy.

What are you doing for yourself on a daily basis? I'd love to hear about it.

~Roxy

Daily Tarot Practice

I got my first Tarot deck when I was 15 or 16. It was a mail order item out of a magazine I loved at the time. I ordered a tie-dye shirt covered in dolphins with it. I was always drawn to the Tarot, and tapping into my intuition. I had some weird stuff happen as a kid that I ran screaming from. So I'm sure I blocked off a lot of what I would have otherwise been able to cultivate. Add into the mix that I was raised Catholic, and it's easy to see why I put a pin in it. Spirit boards and tarot don't jive with Catholicism.

via GIPHY

As I got older and got a little sick of hearing that everything I did was evil, I found my own path and made my way back to Tarot. Fun fact, I did a bunch of tarot spreads when I met my husband, and every one of those cards kept yelling that this was the man for me. So two weeks into dating him, I told him we were going to get married some day. He rolled his eyes then, but we've been married for 18 years and have three wonderful kids, so...

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What I've been working on lately is making time for myself. As a working mom of three, that's tough. Working mom of three in a pandemic? Let's just say I miss sleep.

So I've been working on pausing for a few minutes every morning to draw a single card from one of my tarot decks each morning to get myself more familiar with the cards and get my own technique under my hands again. 

I was journaling just a bit with each card pull and then found this adorable little planner from the Happy Planner line. I don't know if you can still get it, but this thing screamed that it was perfect for me. The space available is just enough room for information about one card per day, and a notes section if anything comes of my intuition throughout the week.I've felt more connected to myself by simply taking this meditative time every morning. And I feel my ability to read the cards without a book glued to my hand has improved as well. Of course, my life is pretty repetitive at this point, so most of the cards I've pulled as of late are of similar messages. But I'm happy to get a chance to do something I've loved since I was a teenager on a daily basis again.

Do you read tarot? Or have you always wanted to? Or are you dowsing your screen with holy water at the thought of me using something so foreign to you? 

I just wanted to share something that has centered me and made me happy. So tell me, what are you doing just for yourself every day? I'd love to hear about it.

~Roxy

When you need a laugh with a side of nostalgia

This year has been a clusterfuck of rabid zombie squirrels taking over the planet with MLM huns fanning the flames. Something I have learned about myself this past year, is that I need to zone out sometimes. 

I am not a movie buff, but I am the type of mom that will click on those lists of shit from the 90's and hope that someone besides me recognizes them. No one at my job does. I could literally be their moms. (*old lady sigh*)

But I found this gal in a random recommendation and immediately went down the rabbit hole. She has a fan-fucking-tastic sense of humor and I feel like I'm chatting with a friend while getting ready to go out for the night. You know...when we could go out of the house and do things.

So this was my latest YouTube binge. I haven't made it through the whole list of her movie nights, but I am savoring them when I can. Thought I'd share.

What are you binging on when you watch YouTube? I'd love to hear about it.

​~Roxy

Digital Clutter

I've realized I have a serious problem with digital clutter. I think it stems from the fact that digital pictures came about in my lifetime. I went from thinking disposable cameras were the shit as a teenager, to buying my first digital camera when I was pregnant with my son. 

The world has changed a lot in my lifetime, but what was perhaps hardest to wrap my head around was the limitations of digital storage. 

I have an account with dropbox where I dumped every single picture I ever took on my phone. I thought it was great! Never lose a picture or video again? Sounds awesome. Well...I apparently take a lot of pictures. I overloaded the site, and while I now pay for a storage fee, I have so much on there my computer nearly crashes trying to load it all. So I don't look at any of it.

I also maxed out my storage on Google with the pictures and files I loaded on there to put on my blog and various other events since I could no longer access my dropbox easily. 

Over the past couple days I spent no less than eight hours downloading and attempting to organize just my google drive onto an external hard drive. It was slow-going and infuriating. It also made me realize, that while I am getting pretty good about dumping physical clutter, I am having serious issue with getting rid of digital clutter. 

It feels like a sin to toss an adorable picture of my kid at an orchestra concert. Sure...it's a little out of focus, but look how cute they are!

Mom guilt mixes well with digital hoarder tendencies. (I went to try and find a YouTube video that matched up with this idea, but all I found were a bunch of 20 something chicks holding a baby and wiping their eyes in the thumbnail. We don't need that kind of downer.)

Digital clutter is also stopping me from getting started on a new book. My AH-MAZING husband was able to recover all of my files (we think) from a backup that I did before my Mac took a shit with the new update and deleted seven years worth of writing.

He got the files back, but all my "organization" is gone. So now I don't know which "final" copy is the final-final, because they aren't in order, and I was a moron and didn't delete anything. I have a lot of work in my future to recover some of these documents. But I think I am going to try and tackle some of this mess each month.

What am I doing? Here are my tips I'm keeping in mind for digital clutter clearing marathons.

1. Get a glass of wine ready. Or candy, or whatever you grab when you are stressed out and want a comfort or rage consumable. Have it at the standby for when you are ready to toss your computer. It gives you an excuse to walk away.

2. Pick a style of organization. Getting this set up in advance will help. I have folders I am sorting my type. I am going to have a personal section and a writing section. Because they were all intermingled and it needs to stop. I am using simple folders and right now I am using a single hard drive to migrate. I think I have it half filled, so I am going to grab another one with my birthday money. Being able to plug in a "writing" drive and not getting distracted by my adorable kids is essential.

3. Shut the door and plug in the earbuds. Something my kids are finally old enough to understand is a shut door. So when I need to get something done, I shut the door and everyone kind of gets it. I put on a podcast or an audiobook that doesn't require focus, and go.

4. Plan for longer than I think I'll need. I learned the hard way not to do any of this work around pet feeding time, because they will not be ignored. If I want to do an hour of work, I allow myself a two hour time slot. This gives me time for unplanned phone calls, kid emergencies, or the possibility that I'm on a roll and want to wrap something up.

5. Be brutal and hit delete. I looked at my inbox with over 10k emails (all of them over 4 months old) and knew I'd never be able to get through them. I hit delete. If I missed something, I missed it. Any offer or request would have been null and void at this point anyway. I feel a huge fucking relief. I'm also deleting pictures or projects that I don't need. I had requests and receipts from companies that don't exist anymore. 

6. Remember it's okay to not finish right now. I tend to be an all or nothing type of cleaner/organizer. I either have to get it all done, or what's the point? It's a mindset I have been working hard to change. Timers are a killer tool for me. I utilize 15 minute timers when cleaning or writing. But digital work is more of a long haul. Moving files and going through them takes more than a minute or two. 


Do you have any tips for getting the digital clutter gone? I feel like my digital clutter is in the same category as my student loans, and I will never be rid of either. If you're tackling your own digital clutter, I lift my glass of rage quit wine in solidarity. 

~Roxy

My World's on Fire, How About Yours?

Yeah. I know...now you have that song stuck in your head. You're welcome. But my reference was a little less meme and a little more...well...this...I live in the good old US of A. So that means I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. My local Covid-19 infection numbers are starting to go down for the first time in quite a while. We still have a decent amount of new cases every day, but the positivity numbers are dropping. Which is encouraging. 

I have been working extra hours on top of dealing with trying to navigate the world of Zoom classes for my kids and frankly, the idea of even picking up a book to read for pleasure has me exhausted.

As of right now, everyone in my family is still healthy. **knocks excessively on wood**

via GIPHY

I am going to try and get some writing under my fingers next month with NaNoWriMo, and I'm going to try and give myself the grace to accept how ever many words actually end up coming from my fingers. The world is crazy right now, and I'm here for joy, not a job. You can find me under "RoxyMews" over there. I'll have an Alphasmart blocking my face because I didn't want to put on makeup.

I am probably going to delete my LJ Smith book post, because...well. I'm not up to leading anything right now. But I'm alive, and I'm trying my best. I hope all of you are safe, healthy, and finding joy where you can. 

~Roxy

Variety is the Spice Of Writing

Sure I could be talking about characters, story arcs, settings, etc. But I want to take a minute to talk about writing using various mediums or tools.
 
Most writers pound away on a laptop. Some folks like to write at least the first draft by hand on paper. Bless them. My arthritis couldn’t imagine anything more awful. Other writers use dictation software.
 
I have a couple different tools that I am loving at the moment, and wanted to share them with you.

​MY TOP 3 WRITING TOOLS
 

1. My Word 365 App.

I spend a lot of time in my car. Far too much. So while I am dropping off kid A and on my way to pick up kid C, I have been jotting notes, or even just doing freewriting. My word 365 app saves across platforms, so I use my phone to get some quick ideas down. Yes...I can utilize voice to text. I'm being safe. 

It works for blog posts too. (Hint...if you're not reading along with me, you can check out that blog HERE.)

2. My Bluetooth Keyboard. 

There are times when I need the satisfying click beneath my fingers and the standard chiclet keys on my computer don’t satisfy. Something about touching my Bluetooth keyboard makes me feel like a writer, and makes me want to put in a few extra words, or even an extra hour writing. I use the Dot by Lofree. I got it forever ago during their kickstarter, and it's still one of the best things I've ever spent money on.

Best part is I can hook it up to my laptop, or even link it to my iPad for a little less bulk when writing on the go.
​3. My AlphaSmart3000. 

This is a tool I first learned about through NaNoWriMo forums. This is a cheap device that has absolutely no bells and whistles, and uses a USB-A cord to transfer my work onto whatever program is open on my computer. I can take this little gadget with me, and pound away on the tactile keys with no notifications or popups. It’s about getting ideas down. And that’s it. Hubby makes fun of me for this, but the lack of distractions works for me.
 


I’m working hard to simplify my life and knock out the things that don’t serve me to allow more time for what I love. And I love writing. I miss it, and I want to get back into the joy I had writing things down, not because I was going to sell what I was writing, but for the sole fact that I love expressing myself through words. And frankly I like the clicky keyboard noises, and excuse to drink coffee and make my editing face.

​What tools do you love using to up your writing game? I'd love to hear about them. 

~Roxy

Finding Joy in Nostalgia: Vampire Diaries By LJ SMith Re-Read

I started writing because I loved reading so much. Way back in the long long ago, I was just a reader who discovered her kindle. I paid way more money than I probably should have, but that little device brought me so much fucking joy, that I regret nothing.
 
In finding my joy this year, I am working on doing things that make me happy. Like last week, I sat down with a friend I made through this whole crazy writer world and we just brainstormed. I told her that I want to write a book next month, that I need to hit a “THE END” and we went from a hint of “I miss vampires” to an entire character arc and story line for both her book and mine. I’m so grateful for your willingness to lock the door to the craziness in your own house and take that couple of hours with me, Kayleigh Malcolm. (Seriously, buy a book from the woman. She’s brilliant.)
 
But even though I’ve said it before in an offhand manner, I've noticed something about myself this past month. I do better when I have more to do. Don’t get me wrong, I still need to do the dance between overloading my TO DO’s and sleeping all day, but when I have multiple things to keep track of, my mind goes into serious mode. I make lists and plans, and I know that I have to get X done, because Y is up next.
 
So I’m going to start jumping into a few small frying pans and see if I can dance again.
 
Starting with....

A READ ALONG!

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Even before I fell hard for my Kindle, I fell in love with vampires.​ I can remember checking very specific books out from the library again and again. LJ Smith was also the first author I hunted down and spent my own money on in the bookstore. (I think it was a Borders. RIP) And her Vampire Diaries were the ones I fell hardest for.

The original 90’s-tastic book covers for the Vampire Diaries are stuck in my mind. That black crow with Elena’s blue eyes peaking out…LOVE. 

These are the books I blame for my start down the road to romance. Before I even knew exactly what it was. This unnatural pull and fated meeting...this was my shit.

Yes, I know there was/is a TV show about this. But any LJ Smith purist knows Elena Gilbert is FUCKING BLOND WITH BLUE EYES!

ahem. Sorry.

Actually, no I'm not. Those features had meaning and purpose, and my little teenage heart still hurts that a brunette played her.

I tried to get into the show, but it veered too far off the path of the original story for me. 

I've heard of people currently doing a re-read of Twilight because of the nostalgic flutter that it gave their hearts. I don't have that for Twilight. I did read the books, and they were a fast read for me. But all I could think of when reading them was the Vampire Diaries. The OG vampire love triangle. The struggle of family and loss. All with 90's bangs and so much teenage angst I'm probably going to choke on it. But I'm going to love every minute.

Does this book hold up in today's world? Probably not, but if you go into this in the same frame of mind you'd have watching Friends, or Full House, you'll get it. ​So whether you want to relive a little 90's drama, or see some of what the hell happened to my head as a child that made me who I am today. Read along with me! 

This week, let's read  "The Awakening" . There are various formats available, but I'll be reading from the 2007 re-release edition. It's a quick read, and I figure in a week, most people will decide this either is or isn't their cup of tea and will allow those of us who are still obsessed to move onto the next book in a speedy way. 

Just realized, maybe this is where I got my obsession with cover art that stares you down! Huh.

Either way, I'm reading this book from Today, Feb 15th, through Feb 22nd. Then it will be onto "The Struggle".

Feel free to chat here in the comments, or head on over to my Facebook page and let me know what you thought of this. I'll link the thread below. Or come tell me what book flips your nostalgia switch! I'd love to hear about it.

​~Roxy

Three Little Things

​My planner game hasn’t been the strongest. In fact…I have been a "burnout" type of planner as of late. I go ham for a few months/weeks, where I am on my shit. I will know exactly where I need to be, will check my planner multiple times through the day and get my to do list done early. But then I start adding more and more to my list. Because I’ve been so productive, that I can do more, right? Wrong. That's when the lists get so long that I can’t possibly do it all. Which makes me sad. Which means I feel like (and often do) throw the whole planner game out the window.
 
Why am I mentioning this? Because it’s the start of a new year. It’s the start of a new month, and I am procrastinating about setting up my planner for February. I was going to get this blog up last week, so I could set up my new habit tracker that I’d been loving in January. I was going to be on task and loving what I did. As usual, I'm adding too much to my plate, and I need to knock that shit out.
 
I have decided to do mini goals for 2020 instead of one big one, or massive never-ending To Do lists. With my kids’ activities taking up more and more time, and random life events causing massive shifts in my day, I have no idea what next month, let alone the end of the year is going to look like.
 
So I am going to use monthly goals instead. And super small ones. Some things might turn into habits, and I may end up getting way more than three things done, but it's my thought that if I can accomplish three little things every day to push me toward the joy I want to achieve this year...then I'm moving in the right direction.
 
I’m using a mini Happy Planner to attempt to wrangle all the kid/family activities this year, and having a habit tracker gives me yet another reason to open my planner.
 
Along with working on finding my joy this year, I’m also trying to give myself a little grace. There are going to be days when I am on it, and getting shit done like a badass. Then there are going to be days where I’m not mentally or physically capable. So I am going for a top three, and the idea that some is better than none.
 
In January my top 3 items were Journal, Read, and, Water before Coffee. I didn’t do too bad. And I have a feeling some of these items are going to become habitual for me.
 
In February, I’m hoping to get back into some of the things I love. I’ve been digging back into my tarot collection, and want to start doing daily pulls for myself. I’ve already been journaling on my iPad as a morning page practice, but I’ve found myself truly enjoying making notes about my tarot spread for the day, and want to keep that up.
 
I also want to start writing fiction again. I am not putting pressure on myself other than needing to sit down and get words on the page. The creative muscles need some exercise, and I’m going to get back into it 200 words at a time. So my second daily goal, is 200 fiction words per day.
 
The third goal was one I have been going back and forth on, but I think it is going to be to develop a night time routine. My pets and crazy morning schedule don’t leave me much flex in my mornings. What I have a bit more control of is how I spend my nights. I want to develop and do an evening routine every night in February. Even laying out my clothes for the next day and prepping the coffee maker makes the morning feel so much less stressful. I still have to come up with said "routine" but I work well under pressure. So I should have something by the end of the night, right? LOL.
 
As far as the year goes, I have no idea where I’ll end up, but I’m going to try and take it one month at a time.
 
I love the idea of monthly goals instead of yearly ones. How do you set goals for yourself? Have you changed how you set yourself up for success?
 
I’d love to hear about it.
 
~Roxy

My One Word for 2020

I noticed the sunrise today. 

There are these blinking lights that create a mini-rave on the main road I take every morning to drop off my hubby at work. Normally these lights drive me bonkers. They tend to make the horrible traffic on the road even more distracting and disturbing. 

But today, when my eyes caught these lights they drew my attention to the sky. Stunning shades of pink and purple and blue blended together like a kickass woven blanket. 

You're probably asking yourself why I'm talking about the sky when this blog is supposed to be about my word for this year. And the reason is simple. My word is...

JOY

I was journaling and playing with my Merriam-Webster Dictionary/Thesaurus for a good week in the new year to try and pick my word. I was behind due to a bout of the plague going around, and was debating on if I even wanted a word this year. But I bought myself a cool maker's kit from MyIntent, and I still had some bracelets left. I wanted to use it, dammit.

I wanted a word that would give me a boost. My word for last year was "Start" and while I intended for it to give me a push to just do something, anything, what it ended up doing was making me feel like I had yet another chore, or yet another thing to do. Last year was a massive fail. And I wanted a word this year that wouldn't be another "To Do."

After almost giving up, I started to notice something. I noticed the word "Joy" pop up again and again. I wanted to find "Joy" in my writing again. I wanted to read books I en"Joy" this year. I wanted to be excited and find the "Joy" in everything, even failure.

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Made my bracelet for the year. I was trying to think of a “word” for this year, and I was struggling! When I was journaling I knew I wanted a word that meant finding joy in everyday life, that meant searching for joy even when I was struggling, and even finding joy in failure. Notice the theme? I did too. My one word is “Joy”. What’s yours? #oneword #myintent #joy

A post shared by Roxy Mews (@roxymews) on Jan 15, 2020 at 1:40pm PST

My word for 2020 isn't a task. It isn't a plan. It's an intention. Wearing this word on my wrist isn't a reminder about what I still have to do, it's a reminder to be mindful and joyful in whatever is happening at this exact moment.

For example...I am sitting in a McDonald's writing this between dropping one kid off at school, and heading in for an IEP meeting for another. The place is completely empty, so I had my choice of seats. Yay!

Then group of older folks came in, looked at the entirely empty place and sat...right next to me on the same bench seat. UGH.

But I felt my bracelet. I felt my intention for this year and I stopped before my brain could start the usual spiral. As they begin talking LOUDLY about their memories of their parents' farms in the 40's (someone grew peanuts), I downloaded a white noise app on my phone. I've been meaning to get a white noise app on my new phone, and hadn't taken the time. This allowed me to check something off my massive to do list, and it's something that I'm doing just for me. Pretty damn good time.

I'm listening to birds chirp in the rainforest at the moment, and have a little smile on my face. Also have a bit of a grin because if these older conservative folks look over at my computer and get nosey, my hot little cover for "Bottled Up" is right next to where I'm typing these words. Heh.

I'm ready to go on a journey this year, and instead of planning out my day...something that never seems to work out for me...I'm going to head out into the world each day searching for the things that bring me joy.

My word is "Joy". What's yours?

​~Roxy