Roxy Mews's Blog, page 10

NaNoWriMo Prep For Pantsers #PRepTober

This is a repost from a blog I did a few years back. It popped up in my memories and sadly, I realized the blog was no more. 

So I wanted to share it, because I think it's a darn good blog, even if I do say so myself. Although I am giving plotting (in the most basic of forms) a try for this year's NaNoWriMo, I am a pantser at heart. Every story I've started has come from a main character and a "Wouldn't it be cool if..." statement. And that's it. So although I'm dipping my toe into the plotter pool, I'm probably diving back into the pantser lifestyle soon after.

Without further ado...Here's a post about NaNo and my Top 4 NaNoWriMo Prep Tips for Pantsers.

For anyone who isn’t familiar, NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) is an online gathering of people who are all trying to score fifty thousand words in just thirty days. There are forums, and regional meetups, and really cool little graphs to help get you to those two magical words… “The End.”

I am that writer who loves the blank page. I adore starting stories. Those first few thousand words are my favorites. When the characters are just starting to dance across your brain cells, it’s exciting and new and the possibilities of where their tales will go are endless.

Starting stories was always easy for me. I had notebooks full of plot ideas, thumb drives stuffed with story starters, and hundreds of thousands of words that I had to get out of my head.

Unfortunately, up until a few years ago, I didn’t have a single finished novel.

Then I found NaNoWriMo. I created a profile and signed up. Seeing all of these seasoned authors sprinting along with me was amazing. We were all there for the same reason…to create a story. It didn’t matter what we were writing, we all had to get words on the page.

This is a series about how to prepare for NaNoWriMo. But I’m going to let you in on a secret…

Not all of us plan. Like…at all. Not even a little bit.

NaNoWriMo taught me a new term. “Pantser”.

A “Pantser” is someone who does no or very little preparation before they start. They turn on their computer and write.

My name is Roxy Mews, and I am a pantser.

I open Word, and I go. Sure, I don’t write the neatest first drafts. (I owe my CPs and editors some serious chocolate.) Sometimes my characters change attitude, hair color, and eye color, or even name.

Preptober about NaNoWriMo prep, so let me give you some ways to prep if you too are in the Pantser Camp.

#1 Get acquainted with the “Review” tab in Word.
When I am writing and I know I need to research something for a plot point, or I am putting in a crucial tidbit where a character needs to act differently, I make a note. I click that lovely “New Comment” box in the Review tab, and remind myself what I need to do.

Killing someone with a gun? Google model descriptions later.

Have to find a regional food? Ask the twitterverse when that part of the world is awake.

Need to see if humans can bend that way while getting intimately acquainted? Just make sure your safe search is off, and the internet will reveal all.

Make your notes and move forward. NaNoWriMo is all about turning off your inner editor and finishing the story.
 
#2 Stock up on a stash of bribe items.
There are days when you won’t want to write. The dreaded week 2 blahs strike many of us hard. Pick your favorite treat and keep them under lock and key until you put your butt in front of the computer.

You only get that piece of chocolate when you reach your word count goal.

That fancy coffee you love to treat yourself with? Only order it when you have your first ten thousand words under your belt. (I highly recommend Death Wish Coffee for this bribe)

You can also arm yourself with a special playlist, or a great smelling candle. They don’t have to be pricey or full of calories, but chocolate and caffeine tend to be what keeps me moving forward.
 
#3 Easy meal prep
The most exciting part about being a Pantser is when the muse sits on your shoulder and starts screaming the story in your ear. Those moments are not ones you want to stop in the middle of. If your muse is anything like mine, you can’t get her to start again when you’re ready.

Have easy meals ready to go.

Put the local pizza delivery place on notice, and let them know when you call them grunting into the phone it means you want a large bacon and pineapple. Tell them you’ll leave the money on the porch when you sprint for the bathroom break you’ve been putting off all afternoon.

I suppose you could cook things ahead of time too, but you’re about to write 50k in a month. If you’re anything like me, you don’t have time for that kind of thing.
 
#4 Get a buddy
One of the best things about the NaNoWriMo website is the buddies feature. You can add buddies to your page and the NaNo site will let you peek into their word count. You can see when they’re slacking and guess what…they can see when you are.

Having that accountability is one hell of a motivator.  Find a buddy. Find a group of them, and push each other. When I see I am only a hundred words from topping one of my buddies for the day, I always get another cup of coffee and push ahead.

If you want to be my buddy, you can find me HERE.
 
At the end of the day, if you are a Plotter or a Pantser, we all start with zero words on our boards. We all start with nothing and work to create a complete story. It’s not meant to be perfect, it’s not meant to be pretty, it’s meant to be finished.

If you’re waffling on joining up, and think you missed your time to prepare, you’re wrong. You don’t need a perfected outline. You don’t need character charts. You just need to write. Why not do it with millions of other people? 
 
Are you a Plotter or a Pantser? I'd love to hear about it.

~Roxy

NaNoWriMo Survival Kit and No-Cost Bribes

I've been chatting about NaNoWriMo over here a lot, and heads up, there will be a lot more, because this will consume my life for the next month. If it's not your bag...I'll see you in December. 

But I do think even if you're not a WriMo, there are still tons of things you can get out of the content that becomes prolific during the month of November.

One of my favorite types of content is what people like to call their "Survival Kits". Many NaNoWriMo participants hoard adorable coffee mugs, cute pens, fancy gadgets and software in preparation for November. And there are a million and one of these videos that are prevalent on authortube. I'll drop two of my fav's from this year below.
Some of you might look at these Pinterest-Worthy moments and say, "Yeah. All well and good, Roxy. But I'm flat ass broke."

You know what? Me too. So I thought I'd share some of the bribes I'm using this year in my NaNoWriMo survival kit. (I chat about bribes in a blog post from last year if you want to check it out HERE.)

Here are 5 TOTALLY FREE bribes you can use for your NaNoWriMo survival kit.

1. Reading Time

Head to your local library and grab a great new book you're dying to read, or an old favorite. I've been known to use a book I haven't read since I was a kid to set next to me and motivate me to get my work done. Don't have the time to go out? Download Overdrive on your phone and borrow e-books and audio books from your library FOR FREE. Then reward yourself after a certain number of words. Maybe you can get ahead by writing a little more than goal each day, and once you are 1667 words ahead, you get a day off to read. Adjust it to work for you.

2. Binge Time

In the days of Netflix, Hulu, and YouTube, we all have services that allow us to watch episodic content to excess. Hold off on all this until your writing is done. Or better yet, give a particularly cruel buddy your login, and make them change it until your words are on the page. Just like the books, set a goal. Make it just a little challenging, but totally doable, and reward yourself when you get there. 

Give yourself a visual list of all the good things you can watch, then you can check them off as you accumulate all those beautiful new words.

3. Hygiene

Okay...stay with me here. We tend to devolve a little on this as the month goes on. Many of us (me included) have a particular chair where we always write. And sometimes we get lost in our story and time and space, and showering get away from us. Make it your reward. Do you have a fancy shower-gel or soap you were gifted in that lame secret Santa party last year? Dig it out! Bath bomb you never have the time to use? As women, we tend to accumulate these things from co-workers and distant family when they have no idea what to buy us. Use them as your bribes. And if you don't have one of these stashes, treat yourself to a manicure or pedicure at the end of a long writing day. We have all these self-care items we tend to save for "special occasions", but it's time to break them out.

4. Candles

This is another of those things gifted and re-gifted to women constantly. So I'm assuming you have at least a few candles hanging around. Grab a candle for each 500 or 1,000 words you want to write for the day. Every time you hit that goal, light that baby up! It's helpful to see the visual reminder of what you're accomplishing, and you'll have the perfect atmosphere to keep going into the dark and stormy night. 

If you don't have candles, but do have a stationary stash of stickers, maybe you can toss a cute sticker in your planner or in a notebook for every 500 or 1,000 words. Use what you have, but make it visible. 

5. New App for your phone or computer

There are a ton of free apps out there, and they can be things as goofy as puzzle games or useful like the Forest app mentioned in Rachael Stephen's video above. I'm actually using the Forest app to write this blog now. I'm two bushes in. ;) But seriously, get yourself something you're wanting to try, but don't download it until you've hit goal for the day. Or maybe you want to spread it out, and use the apps for 10k, 20k, 30k, etc. Just find great ones you like that are FREE.



You don't have to drop hundreds of dollars on adorable things to do well in NaNoWriMo. You just have to write. And if you're reading this blog, you likely are doing it on a computer or phone, so you have all the tools you need, right there. Books have been written on phones. I have Microsoft Office 365 so my phone, but Google Docs is a free download for Android. (And I'm sure if you're on iOS there's something comparable.)

We're less than a week away from November 1st! Let's get ready to write like the wind!

~Roxy

What is "Voice"?

This came up in our local RWA chapter recently, and frankly...it's fucking hard to explain!

An author "voice" as I try to explain it, is kind of like an accent for your book.

Imagine a southern drawl, or a wicked good east coast vocabulary. You know that even though someone from the south and someone from the northeast might have the same speech to convey, the two of them will have very different word choice and sound. Now imagine those same people were writing books. They would have their own slants on the storylines, and their own takes on current events framed around the culture and demographics in their areas. They would tell the same story from different view points, with different words, and focus on different subplots. They would have a different voice.

The way I write a book is very different from the way others write books. I love reading good BDSM books, and am intrigued by the power exchange and great communication that happens between the couples. But when I take my snarky joke-loving writing style into a book...well...let's just say it doesn't work. I tried it and I learned quickly that I shouldn't ever write BDSM. My characters were laughing at each other instead of getting it on.

How did I find my voice? Reading. Lots and lots of reading. And after that? LOTS AND LOTS OF WRITING. And this isn't writing that has ever or will ever see the light of day. This is writing I did to get my style under my fingers. I don't even remember how many nano novels I wrote under my old persona before I switched my account to my pen name. (I'm Roxy Mews on the NaNoWriMo website if you want to buddy up this year.)

And here's the real kicker. I'm not sure if you can teach voice. Voice can definitely be developed, or edited out of a manuscript if a new writer encounters a bad editor. My voice has changed from my first book to my current WIP. Mainly because my voice is me. I've changed a lot in the last few years. So my work will have a different accent now. That's not a good thing or a bad thing, but you'll be able to see a change in what I'm writing.

I found this video by a YA author, and while I'm not in agreement with all her videos, I do think this one on voice is pretty spot on. And she chats about "Teen Voice" and "Character Voice". Each corner of the fictional genre market is going to have a different tone. And if you don't match it, or do something completely different because you're not familiar with it, you're likely to alienate readers. (You can check out the sales on my #ROBOSEX books for a prime example of that. I don't think my voice works well for the Sci-Fi market. But I still love the books, so click over on the side bar if you want to read about a sexy nonagenarian's adventures.)

​Anyway...check out this video for more info on "Voice."
Do you have a strong grip on your own author voice? Or are you still looking for it? Or do you have a totally different view on "voice" than I do? I'd love to hear about it.

~Roxy

"On Time"

One of the main things hubby and I disagree about on the regular is how long it takes to get somewhere. 

And I think I've figured out why. 

Way way WAY back in the day I was in marching band, and that time in my life shaped a lot about me. But one of the main things it taught me was to be "on time". And the line my director always used was...

"To be early is to be on time, to be on time is to be late, and to be late is to be in big BIG trouble."

So I plan to arrive anywhere between ten to fifteen minutes early to any appointment. And the grace period I keep increases the further I have to drive. My idea of when to leave varies a LOT from my husband's time.

But today I was reminded why, I keep this goal.

I had a couple errands to run. Run to one bank, withdraw money, head to another bank, deposit money, and bring hubby a fountain drink because his special palette prefers fountain drinks. *sigh*  There is a reason hubby often gets his own food. Everything he likes requires extra people interaction. But before I get grumpy, back to the reason I feel justified in allowing extra time.

On the way to the first bank, I get stuck behind someone trying to turn left...into traffic...not at a light. There may have been some cursing involved.

After that, I have to pause for a few people who had problems reading stop signs and understanding the theory of "right of way" and general traffic rules.

At this point, I am fifteen minutes into a five minute drive. When I notice someone directing traffic around an accident. The weather today is sunny. No rain. No snow. No ice. So my only conclusion is that the people who cut me off by running a stop sign sped ahead and ran each other off the road. 

At least that's what happened in my grumpy fantasy. Don't tell me the cars were different. In my mind, these were the assholes getting their due.

I finally make it to the superstore with a bank inside. Where I can grab hubby a fancy fucking fountain drink after I use the in-store ATM to deposit the cash.

The ATM decides to reject some of the bills and I have to do three transactions to accomplish what should have been done in one. Of course this all goes down with a teller watching me from a few feet away. But I didn't trust myself not to snap at humans. 

After the money finally goes through, I realize in order to buy a fountain drink, I have to go through the register first. But not the "you scan your own shit" lines. Oh no. I have to go through the check out lines with humans.

You know. The lines where all the people afraid of technology, or using 8 million coupons, or writing checks go.

Sure enough, I get behind a woman who has a broken chip on her card. But plot twist, not only does the customer not know what to do, the cashier also doesn't have a clue how to handle this common issue. (I'm also a cashier. I know this shit has a procedure. Chips fail all the damn time.) After cashier and customer work for a solid two minutes inserting and swiping. No one can figure it out. Cashier suspends the transaction and the customer grumbles to the service desk to pay for her purchases. Which, honestly, props to the honest customer who didn't just walk the fuck out.

My turn. I ask for two drinks, because at this point, I deserve one too. Cashier only has one cup. And before I can tell her I'll just take one, she hurries off, half the fucking way to Siberia and has a conversation with another cashier to get me a second cup. 

Finally she treks back and I have the cups that I now have to fill. 

But while I was working through the endless lines to get my cups, which my cashier had her hands all inside of...ew...another customer was at the drink counter. Reorganizing her entire fucking purse before she could push her cart out of the fucking way. I finally ask the woman if I can squeeze in behind her and use the one and only fountain station. After putting three or four more things back in her purse, throwing away her straw wrapper, and dropping shit, she finally moved.

Then it was the machine's turn to fuck with me.

A bit of foam is normal. Soda gives some head when coming out of a machine. But this was one of those touch screen bitches and the screen reset before the foam would settle. So I would fill the cup, let the foam settle, then go through the three menus to get my hubby's drink back on the screen.

Finally, I'm done. All the To Do boxes are checked, and I can head home.

I'm in my car, and settled, and turn the key to look for people. Because OF COURSE THERE ARE PEOPLE TAKING THEIR SWEET ASS TIME BEHIND MY CAR.

I have to wait for a teenager doing the shoe-ruining shuffle of pout to make it out of my way, and then, I could FINALLY get out of my parking spot and move.

...so I could get cut off again by a woman jumping across traffic to get in the drive thru pharmacy lane.

At this point, I turned on an audio book because I needed a soothing voice in my hear to combat the rage concert in my head.

I make it home, forty-five minutes later. And all of these businesses are within a two mile radius of my house...

And this...this inevitable shit storm of traffic and stupidity...this is why I leave early. Because it seems to happen every time I have to go somewhere. 
Are you always early to things? Or always late? Has Murphy's Law been wrecking havoc in your life lately too? Tell me about it so I don't feel so alone.


~Roxy

My Top 5 NaNoWriMo Hurdles and how to get over them

Halloween is just a week away, and that means the first day of NaNoWriMo is just 8 days away! 

Even with me planning out what I'm going to write and plotting out my story, I still feel unprepared. And I do this every damn year. 

I think I'm going to prep blogs, and prep daily posts, and prep ideas for group involvement. And each year I procrastinate and wing it. It still works out pretty darn well considering I'm currently at five wins in a row and about to make it six. (Yes. Humblebrag. Although, writing really quickly one month out of the entire year is not something to brag about. LOL.)

So while I have a small stash of memes and previous years posts to pull from, I'm going to be chatting over in my Facebook Group and here on my blog about whatever strikes my fancy on the day of. 

I've found that while not everyone hits the same speedbumps at the same time, we all tend to deal with similar struggles as the month wears on.

So I figured I'd give you, my fabu blog readers, a head start, and chat about some hurdles you should prep for during the month of writing with abandon.

​1. Eye Strain

If you're writing your novel on a computer, and you're not used to the extra screen time, it can wear on your eyes. Cut back on some time you'd usually spend on your phone, to make up for it. Or you could try out some of the blue light blocking glasses. 

2. Food

You might just be cooking for yourself, or for a family, but there will come a point where you are lost in your work and realize you need to eat! I have alarms set on my phone to give me a thirty minute warning before it's time to eat. It let's me wrap up what I'm doing and take care of myself by cooking real food. But before NaNo, I make sure to have at least two or three "quick" meals on hand. Something that cooks up in minutes, and allows me to keep rushing through the work if I'm on a roll.

I usually keep tortellini and sauce on hand because I can keep it in the cupboard and it won't spoil. I also love the frozen veggie packets with stir-fry veggies. All I have to do is grab a pouch of 90 second rice, cook up the veggies, and top it with some pre-cooked chicken strips or leftover meat from another meal. It's a fast and slightly more healthy meal than the tortellini.

3. Routine

If you are someone like me, who needs to have a strong routine in place to function in life, unless you're writing like a fiend on the regular, NaNo is going to fuck up your day. So before November 1st sit down with your calendar. Figure out when you can write in your day, and what you're going to pull from your schedule to make it the habit it needs to be. (I wrote a blog about coming up with your "real" word count that goes with this idea if you're ready to do some serious planning.)

But figure out where in your day you're going to squeeze in enough time for your words. And that could be different based on Evil Day Jobs, family obligations, and general appointments that pop up on a less regular basis. 

4. Procrastination and Overwhelm

I'm putting these two mental blocks together because I think they go hand in hand. There will be a point (likely a bunch of them) where you will feel like this is too big of a task. There will be a point where you might think, "I can't make this goal. I'll never write today/catch up/write anything worth reading. I might as well stop all together and go binge Netflix while I eat all the chocolate left over from Halloween." 

This is where you employ your buddies. Get involved with NaNoWriMo groups. Find a local write in. Get a sprinting buddy on Twitter. See if there's an online write-in on YouTube. NaNoWriMo is all about community. So take advantage of it. 

And if all that fails. Bribe yourself. I give myself a reward of my favorite expensive coffee once I hit the halfway point. It gives me a great reward for writing to the top of the hill that is usually the hardest part for me. By the time I'm in the second half of the 50k, I've got momentum on my side. But do what works for you. Do you need a reward every 10k? Every 5k? Hell...reward yourself with a cute sticker in your planner for every 500 words. Sometimes getting the first 500 is the hardest. Use whatever you have to to get started.

5. Technology 

This is where I go all NaNo-mom on you and remind you to back up your work EVERY SINGLE DAY. Something will likely go wrong at some point. Your computer might start updating in the tight scheduled writing time you have. Your word processor might run out of batteries. You might step on your USB drive. Your cat might walk across the keyboard and delete your manuscript. 

Shit happens. Tech is not always reliable. I have a cloud storage, physical storage, and emailed file of my document at least once a week on my calendar. Currently my plan is to do this dance on Sundays. Trust me. Losing your work, especially during this month is incredibly heartbreaking. 

And if you happen to lose power, make sure you have a cute notebook and non-ink-skipping pen in your stash. Writing time might not go as fast on pen and paper, but you'll still get the ideas down. Or use the time to brainstorm names, dialogue, or even mapping out your world. Have a back up plan.


Those are my top 5 hurdles that I always prepare for during NaNoWriMo. What are yours? What do you encounter as you shove your inner editor aside and work your computer to the point of wearing off the letters on the keys? I'd love to hear about it.

~Roxy

A fun YouTube Binge for Halloween

I'm up and getting my coffee on before I head into my 12 hour shift at the evil day job, and I'm enjoying the spooky Halloween energy.

Halloween is my absolute favorite holiday. It's not about buying things for people who you don't hang with outside of family functions, it's not about long travel times, or making awkward small talk with people you disagree with on MANY issues. Halloween is about wearing fun clothes, doing fun activities, and eating candy. At least that's what it is for me. 

I know that for my pagan friends Halloween time is a holiday and celebration for you, so for everyone out there who might be celebrating, Happy Samhain!

But for me, it is the lowest pressure holiday and I adore it. We've already carved pumpkins and put up a fun centerpiece. We've made puppy chow, and as soon as this wind storm lets up, we're getting the fire pit roaring.

So I wanted to watch something fun to get me in the mood. I'm re-watching the Adventures of Drew, Garrett, and Shane on Shane Dawson's channel. 

It's the perfect batch of videos to get you in the mood. And the scary sleepover games had me giggling and feeling light and happy. So before I head off to work, I thought I'd share.

​Hope you all are enjoying the season. I can't wait for Halloween! What are some of your favorite Halloween traditions? I'd love to hear about them. 

~Roxy
​

Dealing with lack of focus

So I've been pretty open about the fact that I'm of a certain age and along with many other women I've started to deal with weight gain, hot flashes, mood swings, trouble sleeping, and...

Um...did I start the dishwasher? Hold on. Let me check real quick. And let me re-heat my coffee that went cold because I forgot to drink it while I'm in there. 

Anyway...Focus! Yeah. Lack of focus. That's what this blog is going to be about.

In all seriousness, it made me feel infinitely better to know that most of my symptoms could be chalked up to hormonal shifts. Because it's been a dramatic ride in the last couple of years, and while I've been dealing with hot flashes and night sweats for quite some time, the weight gain, and ability to focus snuck up on me.

I have tried a few different ways to help deal with the changes going on in my body. But a lot of them involve taking supplements and pills, and hello? If I'm having trouble focusing and remembering things, how am I going to remember to take a pill? Or if I have taken it already? Or what day it is?

I've used a few different "Menopause" vitamins. And Black Cohosh supplements. But I could not remember to take them consistently, and because of that, they gave me additional highs and lows I didn't need in my life. I know they work well for some people, but I felt like they added to the waves I desperately wanted to calm.

So I've been googling, and aside from regular exercise (UGH), the best thing I've found is mediation.

Working with meditation practice and allowing your brain to work on one thing only, like breathing, is a fantastic way to begin regaining focus in your life.

I fell off the meditation wagon this month, and I am a prime example of what happens when you stop. My brain suffered for it. I had been meditating consistently for months, and it was when I began skipping days that I noticed my mind slipping.

Of course some awful things in the news and triggered memories were pushing to the front, and the last thing I wanted was to be alone with my mind. So I thought I could push all of it aside and work with distraction instead.

While distraction works for me in the short term, and we all do it, there came a point where I needed to climb back out.

I'm working my way back to my normal now, and journaling and mediation are part of it. I blogged about my favorite mediation apps in June of this year. They're all pretty much the same. I've been sticking primarily to Mindfullness. The ability to tell myself that "this will only take five minutes" is what I need to force myself to do the work. 

With my brain, getting started is the hardest part. If you're struggling to get on the meditation band wagon...just try.

If you've never done it before, don't be intimidated. You don't have to get your legs in a pretzel and sit on the hard floor to get the benefits. Hell, I've done it in the car while waiting for hubby to get off work.

THREE STEPS TO MEDITATING

1. Get comfy. Let your shoulders drop, and get your hands in a place that feels like they won't slip. I usually intertwine my fingers and place them so my palms face my stomach. I also meditate barefoot with my feet flat on the floor. But find where you can feel most relaxed.

2. Turn off your phone. Obviously if you're using an app, or timer on your phone, this won't work, but the Mindfullness App I use can work while my phone is on Airplane mode. So try that. Open your app, or set a timer for however long you want to meditate for. Even five minutes makes a huge difference.

3. Breathe. There are all kinds of different techniques on this. But at the end of the day, focusing on your breath is all you need. If I'm struggling with something I imagine breathing in one thing while letting something else go. For example, on the in breath I'll imagine breathing in calm, and on the out breath, I'll imagine expelling stress from my body. Or confidence and fear. Or strength and pain. I adjust as needed. But by focusing on letting the good in and the bad out, I can be in touch with myself, and use my breath to work on it.

Are you struggling with focus? Or with giving meditation a real shot? Let me know what your tips are for getting back in the swing of things when you fall off the boat. I'd love to hear any tips you have.

​~Roxy

Stress Nightmares

Sooner or later everyone seems to have their sleep interrupted by our brains taking us on an extended trip to crazy town.

Last night my brain was working overtime, which meant I'm guzzling the coffee while my animals get the contented rest I completely missed out on last night.

You would think, with all the Halloween movies and spooky stuff around that my nightmares would be surrounding some kind of ghost or murder spree at a sleep-a-way camp. Nope. What kept waking me up last night was a nightmare about a Groundhog Day style airport loop. 

via GIPHY

Okay. Okay. I get it. It doesn't sound like something that would keep a person up at night, but I promise, these types of nightmares are the ones that really drive me to miss sleep.

Do you ever feel like you're constantly behind? On track to get absolutely nothing done and failing those around you so incredibly that you wonder why you are allowed to label yourself an adult?

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Then you know how it is when you've got so many balls in the air, your subconscious is just positive you're going to drop them all.

That's where my worst dreams come into play. It's always some high stress situation. Like a school day where I forget where I'm supposed to be. (I hated school. I was good at it, but I hated it.) Or if I'm trying to make dozens of important meetings.

Well, last night it was all about catching flights. The airport was my loop of hell. 

I was running late from leaving the rental home. This consisted of throwing things in a suitcase without any organization, and knowing we were seconds away from missing our flights. I threw things away without really looking at them because I needed to get everyone out the door and out before we got in trouble. 

I have had a few trips where I flat out left things in the trash I didn't have room for. I've abandoned shoes so I'd have room for books from a conference before. Priorities. 

Back to my dream. We were so far behind, even if we'd left something important, it was way better than missing the plane. We didn't have time to fold, or sort, or plan. 

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We made it to the airport and then everyone wanted something different to eat and split off in different directions. I was chasing down other grown-ass people because it was my job to corral all of them. And I sucked at it. 

I was chasing everyone around and sure enough, I hear that the flight we need to be on is boarding.

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With my heart racing, and knowing that all these slow m-fers are depending on me to get them where they need to be, I get everyone on a golf cart and start racing through the airport.

Because of course we have golf carts in the airports. There was a golf cart lane in my dream. Wouldn't that be awesome?

But just as we were pulling up, the plane was backing away from the gate. We'd missed the flight.

via GIPHY

Welp...instead of dealing with the fallout or some kind of weird dream twist, the scene would just start over. And the pressure kept building. I knew in my dream that I'd failed before, and I'd fail again, but I had to keep trying and there was no escape. Think the endless cycles of dishes and laundry, but with consequences beyond odor.

I was late, and letting everyone down, and instead of coming up with a solution afterward, I just had to fail over and over and over again.

Then my cat woke me up by walking on top of me. I pushed kitty to the side, but hubby was snoring, and my heart was still racing from the seemingly endless stress from the dream loop. 

There was no falling back asleep. I didn't want the loop to start over again. 

​So here I am telling you about it on my blog, because I can still feel the stress hitting the back of my neck where there's just a little extra tension. I can feel my teeth are sore from grinding them together last night. And I can feel the fog, that waking up at 3am causes. 

I see a nap in my future, but I need to watch something to take my mind off of it. 

I've journaled, meditated, and zoned out to some kick-ass planner babe videos on YouTube already. 

What is your go-to destress technique? I'd love to hear it. Because if I try to nap and I'm back at that damn airport, I might just throw something across the room.

~Roxy

When the crap piles up...

Life isn't always a bowl of cherries. Or shit, maybe it is and that's why I've been struggling. I hate cherries.

I like to think that I've got my shit together, and for brief fleeting moments, I get there. The planners are organized, the sun is shining, and I don't have to drink my morning coffee out of a bowl because all the mugs are dirty and piled in my office.

I have a bad habit of saying "Fuck It" and throwing everything out the window when things don't go right. My carefully laid budget was recently tossed out the window. Hubby's job took away his company car. My laundry piled up due to a super hectic schedule change. And when I had to wear the most uncomfortable bra I own because it was the only one clean, something inside me shut down.

Scrolling through social media is a hot lava bed of shit at the moment, so I've been trying to tune out as much as possible. Blocking and unfollowing people is not a sin, people, and I highly recommend using these features liberally. But on one of my rare scrolls through I saw a friend post who I hadn't seen in a while. She talked about how she noticed she'd pulled back from friends and family without even realizing it. And reading her observations I saw myself in every sentence.

I couldn't deal with the people I knew in real life who are family, or close enough to be called family, spouting hateful things. I couldn't deal with the fact that money is tight and I can't do the things I feel like I should be able to do for those I love. And escaping into YouTube videos or books was necessary to keep me from breaking down, but it also meant that even fun interactions with real humans was a chore. Peopling wore me out physically, and I've been sleeping a lot more than I used to. 

When I have to deal with past trauma because I'm forced to by the world around me being awful, I shut it all down. Emotions are emotions and the only way to shut off the bad ones is to shut off all of them. Once I get to a certain point, it's how I deal. 

The world doesn't give a shit that you're hurting. Especially your job, or your mortgage, or all those volunteer organizations you signed up for when life wasn't a fucking mess. 

Welp...this is super fucking cheery, isn't it? Look. There's also a good chance that your friends are going through a rough time right now. And while seeing it doesn't always make you feel good, at least know by seeing it, that you're not alone. 

Let me say that again. You're not alone. You're not the only one building a blanket fort and hiding from the world. 

Today I'm taking it easy. So here's ALL that's on my To Do list today...

1. Go to the pet store. My babies need food, and I'm stocking up so I don't have to worry about it.

2. Journal. I've let this slip, and I have a feeling it's why I'm not doing as well as I'd like to be. I'm fixing that today.

3. Meditate. I'm taking time to work through the basics, and this has become one of them. 

4. Set up Calendar and To Do list. There is something about having my basics down on paper that makes them seem more conquerable. 


They say you can't pour from an empty cup, and I'm pretty sure my cup has dust bunnies inside it, because I know I drank the wine already.

If you're working through some shit too, here's a little meditation to get you started. I was searching for a quick meditation to get myself started, and this popped up. 

I can't think of a more perfect way to let go. 

Join me and get your zen on. Then let's get started refilling the cup. I'll pop the cork on a bottle of wine.

​~Roxy

A definite #Preptober Resource to check out

I follow quite a few authors and writers on YouTube. I think I began following Rachael Stephen a couple years back when I was looking for inspiration for my own pretober to do's. 

I don't know that I've watched a whole lot from her, because she hasn't popped up in my recommended for a while, but this video snagged my attention on my subscription page.

It's a fantastic watch with items to do for the lead up until  NaNoWriMo. She has more details on her website (www.rachaelstephen.com/prep_tober/) and resources to take advantage of, including an email sign up.
Are you getting ready for NaNoWriMo? Do you have your book idea locked and loaded? Or are you just going to open a blank document and see where your muse takes you? I'd love to hear about it.

~Roxy