Sara Eckel's Blog, page 13

My essay in the Shambhala Sun

I’ve written many articles informing readers that doing volunteer work was a path to happiness and inner peace. Then I actually tried it. From the Nov. 2012 issue:

 Is This Worth It? 

my essay has inspired a song.

Singer-songwriter Amy Loftus wrote a song that was inspired by my Modern Love essay–and a boring date. It’s beautiful. I can die now.

Thank you so much for sharing this, Amy.

I guess I’m not the only one…

… who had a long period of being unattached. Since my Modern Love essay ran, more than 300 people from around the world have written to me or followed me on Twitter, and I can’t tally the number of people who have tweeted or posted the piece. I have heard from people in China, Brazil, Hungary, France and Australia. And the vast majority have said the same thing: This is my experience, too.

Some of the writers are now married, after many years of being alone, and other are still single. But I am amazed to learn just how many people all over the world have experienced the same feelings of shame and self-blame over their long-term singleness.

The good news for single readers: You no longer have to take my word for it. Many, many other women (and I’m sure guys too, but I’ve only heard this from women so far) have been solo for years and even decades and then suddenly–finally–met the guy who can’t believe his lucky stars to have HER.

So now that I know my experience isn’t original, I’ve been wondering why there is so little writing about it? People talk openly about their

alcoholism, depression, anorexia, sex addiction, etc. And yet, who besides widows of long and happy marriages, admits to being lonely? There is so much shame around it, and the craziest part is that loneliness is actually NOT a pathology. As University of Chicago neuroscientist John Cacioppo explains, “Feeling lonely from time to time is like feeling hungry or thirsty from time to time. It is part of being human.”

It really makes me happy to have so many people writing to me and commenting on this page. Here is to being human!

oh, hey

Thank you to all the lovely people who have written me about my Modern Love piece this weekend. I am incredibly moved by your stories and your support. And thanks to all the folk in the Twitter/LinkedIn/Facebook-verse for the tweets and posts. At this writing the piece is #5 on the Times most emailed list–though unfortunately the feature is broken so it says some kind of Lebanese stew is kicking my butt. (Step off, Lebanese stew!)

So, to all the people who are feeling alone, you’re not alone. Thanks, Sara

Modern Love: Sometimes, It’s Not You…

My Modern Love piece for the New York Times, “Sometimes, It’s Not You.” (Published: September 23, 2011)