Angela Grey's Blog, page 5
March 28, 2022
Book review: What Happened to You by Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Bruce D. Perry
Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing
This book starts out with making sense of the world where it explores the hierarchical organization of the human brain using an upside-down triangle to model four layers (brainstem, diencephalon, limbic, and cortex) representing the basic organization of the brain. Next up is seeking balance where Dr. Perry explores the impact of our early relational experiences on our self-regulation which is based on the Tree of Regulation (regulation, relationship, and reward).
Moving on to how we were loved which explores how what happens to a person as an infant has a profound impact on the capacity to love and be loved which revisits the concept of fight or flight. In the spectrum of trauma, Dr. Perry highlights the four symptom clusters of PTSD which are intrusive, avoidant, individual experiences change mood and thinking, and alteration in arousal and reactivity as the stress-response networks come overactive and overly reactive.
In connecting the dots, Dr. Perry explains that much of human invention and practices are transmissible, including the negative aspects of humankind, certain psychological traits, emotional characteristics, and behavior patterns. With coping to healing Oprah and Dr. Perry explore the manifestation of dissociation as a coping mechanism when stress-response systems are activated. He highlights the five states—calm, alert, alarm, fear, and terror—explaining how dissociation occurs when fight or flight is impossible. Also highlighted are why victims of abuse are usually drawn to situations where they are abused.
In post-traumatic wisdom, they discuss the misconception that children are resilient. He uses the metaphor of a hanger being bent and the inability to be returned to its original shape and the more it is bent and straightened the weak points finally break. They discuss the importance of connectedness in helping us achieve resilience or “bounce back.” Our brains, our biases, our systems explore trauma informed care and how language is getting in the way of progress by turning it into a buzzword. Relational hunger in the modern world focuses on how our world is relationally impoverished and that the disconnection makes us more vulnerable and that our ability to tolerate stressors is diminished because our connectedness is diminishing.
This book, written in interview format features a plethora of stories from both Oprah and Dr. Perry that shouldn’t be missed to get the overall knowledge. They aim at reframing our approach to trauma and understanding how important relational connectedness is in promoting healing. Read the book in its entirety by getting it here.
Until my next post, why not check out my YA novels about mental illness, memoir writing, novel in verse, or even my Native American mystery series on Amazon, or follow me on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Goodreads, LinkedIn, Bookbub , BookSprout, or AllAuthor.
March 27, 2022
Book review: The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel A. Van der Kolk
Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
This book is divided into five parts: The origins of trauma, The body’s response to trauma, The effects of childhood trauma, The way trauma affects memory, and Methods for healing trauma. It begins with statistics on why the author considers trauma an epidemic.
The author goes into the exponentially increasing prescriptions for antidepressants and antipsychotics and ponders if it is due to adaptation or disease. He believes the brain-disease model ignores four truths:
Healthy relationships and community are essential for well-beingThe path to meaning is through languageWe can regulate our physiology through breathing, movement, and touchWe can create safe environmentsThe author states that if we make adjustments in treatment that respect these four truths, improvements in mental health are a lot better. The book continues by looking inside the brain and its physical changes in response to trauma or the anatomy of survival. In promoting survival, the brain needs to generate internal signals of physiological needs, create a map of the world to direct us where to satisfy our needs, generate the actions necessary to strive for our needs, warn us of threats, and adjust our actions based on the requirements of the moment. The author states that problems develop when these things are inhibited.
In the body-brain connection part of this book, the author goes into lost connection with the body due to things like trauma or molestation and how the person resorts to other means to self-care such as promiscuity, drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, and cutting which show significant disconnection from the body. Healing trauma requires the integrations of sensory experience in order to be able to comfortably live with the natural flow of feelings. Agency, which is the feeling of being in charge, is necessary to heal. Integrating traumatic memories, cognitive behavioral therapy, and desensitization are explored.
In the role of language and trauma the author goes into the process of self-discovery, yourself versus your story, writing to yourself, art, music and dance, the limits of language, dealing with reality and becoming some body that interprets the present without the filters of the past. The part I enjoyed the most is the yoga therapy by numbing the within. Also good was the psychomotor therapy where we go about restructuring inner maps and revising the past to rescript our lives.
At the end of the day, we’re all trying to survive. If we find ourselves in situations where we are unable to escape threats, our bodies tend to develop a physiological imprint, in order to protect us going forward. While it means well, it is detrimental to our normal functioning and social engagement. Trauma treatment is all about taming the physiological imprint but factors like memory, reenactments, dissociation, etc., serve as obstacles in our way. With diligent awareness and patience, we can help others and ourselves live more bearable lives.
Until my next post, why not check out my YA novels about mental illness, memoir writing, novel in verse, or even my Native American mystery series on Amazon, or follow me on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Goodreads, LinkedIn, Bookbub , BookSprout, or AllAuthor.
March 26, 2022
Book review: The Power of Regret by Daniel Pink
How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward
This book is about why regret helps us to be human and how it makes us better people, perform better, make better judgments, understand things better, about undoing and leaving a trace, and about making every regret count. It goes into self-disclosure by reliving and relieving as well as normalizing and neutralizing your compassion. And in the end, you analyze and strategize.
It revolves around the four core categories of regret: foundation, boldness, moral, and connection. Foundation regrets are where we decide for short-term advantages over long-term payoffs. Typically, they equate to: “If only I’d done the work.” Boldness regrets are of inaction and typically equate to: “If only I’d taken that risk.” However, research reveals that people regret failures to act more intensely than acts they regret. Moral regrets comprise barely 10 percent of regrets in Daniel Pink’s research yet they frequently hurt the most and stay the longest and typically equate to: “If only I’d done the proper thing.” Lastly, connection regrets emerge from relationships that have gone undone or remain incomplete such as when friends lose touch with each other over years or families have a falling out. They typically equate to: “If only I’d reached out.”
I found the book to be interesting and helpful. particularly when broken down into manageable bites of the categories of regret. It definitely made me reflect on my life and my regrets and take some action with the louder regrets tinkering around in my mind. If you want to read this book in its entirety, get it here.
Until my next post, why not check out my YA novels about mental illness, memoir writing, novel in verse, or even my Native American mystery series on Amazon, or follow me on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Goodreads, LinkedIn, Bookbub , BookSprout, or AllAuthor.
March 25, 2022
Book review: The High 5 Habit by Mel Robbins
Take Control of Your Life with One Simple Habit
This book is all about creating habits to help you recognize your own self-worth. It’s a simple way to improve your life with a single move each morning or throughout the day. The High 5 habit is about getting the much-needed support we all require in life, even when no one else is around to offer that support. But there are times when all we have is ourselves which makes habit of so much more importance.
It does require you to give the book a chance and have an open mind. It can be as easy as looking at yourself in the mirror, giving your reflection a high five, and making sure that you are present in the moment. While this action may not seem like much at first, the book shares how it actually changes the way the brain filters information, so it changes you see the world. This may not be a good book for those not open-minded enough. In order to be life and attitude-changing you need to give it a try.
This book, about learning to be a cheerleader for ourselves, comes to a close with the message that we often rely on something external to amp us up, but we are born with our dreams. We must learn to function as our own light and beacon to what we need and want in life. The journey will not likely be easy or perfect, but then again, change never is in this life.
The book is packed with information, stories, and real-life examples of how this high 5 habit makes a difference. It also shares links, photos, and even a group that will take on the high 5 habit with you for further support. If this sounds like something you’re interested in, then get the book here.
Until my next post, why not check out my YA novels about mental illness, memoir writing, novel in verse, or even my Native American mystery series on Amazon, or follow me on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Goodreads, LinkedIn, Bookbub , BookSprout, or AllAuthor.
March 24, 2022
Book review: The Mountain is You by Brianna Wiest
Transforming Self-Sabotage Into Self-Mastery
This is a poetic and deeply personal self-help book where the information flows in an elegant and organic way that makes the lessons and life tips less jarring to discuss. Even the book’s disjointed structure makes even the most technical topics easier to discuss. The author starts by differentiating intrusive versus intuitive thoughts and explains the science behind the gut response. The physical effects of trauma and unprocessed emotions also astound which makes it one of the book’s most life-changing insights.
Wiest also tackles relationships and comfort zones and the patterns that are set whether healthy or abusive. This helps one realize that we’re drawn to such people and circumstances because we’re familiar with it and familiarity breeds comfort, even if not conscious about it. The only downside to the book is that the sources were somewhat outdated going back to 2008 when the book was published in 2020 and new discoveries could’ve rendered such studies unreliable. Another drawback is the repetitiveness of insights as opposed to gleaning new ones.
But all in all, this book addresses the problematic mindsets of today, especially about happiness, healing, and relationships. I think this book would be best for young people that are just beginning to define their identity. I appreciated this book’s poetic writing style and informal tone most of all. Get the entire book here.
Until my next post, why not check out my YA novels about mental illness, memoir writing, or even my Native American mystery series on Amazon, or follow me on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Goodreads, LinkedIn, Bookbub , BookSprout, or AllAuthor.
March 23, 2022
Book review: Let Go of The Guilty by Valorie Burton
Stop Beating Yourself Up and Take Back Your Joy
In this wonderful self-help book the author starts out with the three truths about guilt which are guilt as a message, guilt as a debt, and guilt as an opportunity.
So, what do we feel guilty about?
exercise habitspast choiceseating habitsmoney habitsspiritual habitsnot practicing more self-carenot being more productiveparentingnot living up to expectationsworkWhat are the thought patterns of guilt?
I did something wrong.I believe I caused harm to someone or something.I didn’t do enough.I have more than someone else.I didn’t do something, but I wanted to.So, how do we start to rid ourselves of guilt?
Pinpoint our guilt trigger.Examine our thoughts.Exchange the lie for the truth.List our evidence.However, not all guilt is false. Sometimes, we are simply wrong and the only way to release authentic guilt is to have enough humility, courage, and integrity to confront it.
So, how do we stop setting ourselves up for guilt and begin to set ourselves up for happiness? We get rid of vague, outdated, unbalanced, and perfectionistic expectations, to make way for communicating new expectations. Then the author says to deactivate the button that manipulators like to push even though it may come from someone you care about, you fear the repercussions, or you actually agree with the accusation because guilt attracts guilt trippers, guilty people guilt people, and you fear having the hard conversations.
So, how do we take back our joy?
notice that our joy is missingaccept the pastembrace humilityforgive yourselfarticulate our lessonsspend time with people who make us feel good, not guiltydo stuff that makes us feel guilt-free and happystudy the happiness triggers (anticipation, gratitude, connection, service, purpose, movement, play, winning words, financial savvy, smiling, relaxation, flow, and savoring)I found it to be a very thorough, accurate, and informative self-help book. To read it in its entirety buy it here.
March 21, 2022
8 Favorite Adult Books About Mental Illness
Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia by Marya HornbacherMadness: A Bipolar Life by Marya HornbacherThe Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness by Kay Redfield JamisonThe Center Cannot Hold by Elyn R. SaksBut Inside I’m Screaming by Elizabeth FlockThe Quiet Room: A Journey out of the Torment of Madness by Lori SchillerMind Without a Home: A Memoir of Schizophrenia by Kristina MorganJanuary First: A Child’s Descent into Madness and Her Father’s Struggle to Save Her by Michael SchofieldThe options for excellent books on mental illness for adults aren’t as great as what is available to the young adult audience. I could only come up with eight that I’d read again.
Until my next post, why not check out my YA novels about mental illness, memoir writing, or even my Native American mystery series on Amazon, or follow me on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Goodreads, LinkedIn, Bookbub , BookSprout, or AllAuthor.
March 20, 2022
35 Fantastic YA Books on Mental Illness
Suicide Notes by Michael Thomas FordWords on Bathroom Walls by Julia WaltonThe Mystery of Hollow Places by Rebecca PodosEliza and Her Monsters by Francesca ZappiaThe Words We Keep by Erin StewartImpulse by Ellen HopkinsPaperweight by Meg HastonWhen We Collided by Emery LordClean by Amy ReedIt’s Kind of a Funny Story by Ned VizziniIf I Wake by Nikki MoyesTherapy by Kathryn PerezOur Chemical Hearts by Krystal SutherlandHow It Feels to Float by Helena FoxEvery Last Word by Tamara Ireland StoneTurtles All the Way Down by John GreenChallenger Deep by Neal SchustermanThe Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen ChboskyThe Fault in Our Stars by John GreenSpeak by Laurie Halse AndersonPerfect by Ellen HopkinsThey Both Die at the End by Adam SilveraAll the Bright Places by Jennifer NivenGirl Interrupted by Susanna KaysenA Monster Calls by Patrick Ness13 Reasons Why by Jay AsherThe Fear of Doing Nothing: Notes of a Young Therapist by Valery HazanovUnder Rose-tainted Skies by Louise GornallCut by Patricia McCormickFaking Normal by Courtney C. StevensMade You Up by Francesca ZappiaThe Last Time We Say Goodbye by Cynthia HandBeneath the Skin by Kyla StoneGlass Screams by L.R. ClaudeEleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine by Gail HoneymanThese are the ones that come to mind when asked about my favorites. I know I must be missing some; but it’s a great list, nonetheless.
Until my next post, why not check out my YA novels about mental illness, memoir writing, or even my Native American mystery series on Amazon, or follow me on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Goodreads, LinkedIn, Bookbub , BookSprout, or AllAuthor.
March 19, 2022
Stream-of-consciousness Writing
The body is a self-sufficient source of strength, happiness, healing power, love and resilience. The secret to tap into these sources, is to increase your spirituality.
Linda Alfiori
In a group writing for wellness session, as part of a Spirituality & Resilience class, we talked about getting in touch with long-forgotten moments in our lives. We wrote without censoring while remaining open to receive what came forth. Our facilitator guided us with the following prompts:
What is your definition of spirituality?What was your first spiritual experience? Where and how old were you?How did you feel about God, Heaven, Hell, and the afterlife?What spiritual thoughts and images would comfort you as a child?Did you have positive or negative feelings about spirituality. Did you have a sense of awe, fear, peace, or comfort as you considered your spiritual questions?When were your darkest moments, and what did you learn from them?How did the paths you take change where you are now?What techniques or support helped you with the dark nights of the soul?What spiritual teachers and mentors have guided you in your life?What life decisions did you make based on your spiritual experiences and feelings?How did your spirituality change over your life?What is your spiritual philosophy now?These were incredibly thought-provoking if you allow yourself to get lost in the questions. Nobody but you has to ever see the answers. In the end there is an immense calm that comes over you now that you know yourself a little better.
Until my next post, why not check out my YA novels about mental illness, memoir writing, or even my Native American mystery series on Amazon, or follow me on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Goodreads, LinkedIn, Bookbub , BookSprout, or AllAuthor.
March 18, 2022
The Healing Memoir
Planning your memoir, dealing with the psychology of memoir writing, handling the dark stuff, and organizing the narrative arc are steps to completing our healing memoir. But first let’s understand why we want to write our memoir: to gain a deeper understanding of our life, to heal the past and create hope for the future, or to create a healing legacy for your family.
The healing memoir helps us sort through memories and experiences and create a structure to the chaos of our memories. By sharing our stories we deepen our understanding of our family and develop insight into the history and meaning of our lives. It also helps us recognize writing as a necessary tool in helping to create a new perspective about the past. It’s about exposing the unconscious patterns that keep us stuck, and it offers new inroads into creating a different story for us to embrace. And in regards to legacy, think about the kinds of things your children or grandchildren will never know that you can pass along such as important events, dates, ideas, and feelings.
I was broken and then I broke some more, and I am not yet healed but I have started believing I will be.
Roxane Gay, Hunger: A Memoir of (My) Body
It’s easiest to begin with freewriting to see what key topics your mind wants to uncover. Wrestle with the nature of truth and the muscles of your story’s structure. String together treasures of memory. Reveal deep secrets and long-buried thoughts, feelings and events. It is a very liberating thing to do: allowing burdens to rise to the surface.
Perhaps start with eight reasons why you want to write the healing memoir. A thought-provoking trick is to imagine the family members who might discourage you from writing your healing memoir. Then write about them anyway. Make a list of your inner voices. List eight significant events in your life. Maybe list some family stories that always got your attention as a child. What drew you to the story or who told it? Remember the sights, smells, sounds that emanate from the history of your life. Research old photos, listen to old stories, interview family members, uncover the hot button issues then do internet research because it can fill in the gaps that you need to know to create the story you want to tell.
In many cases, people hold on so tightly to their past pains to avoid letting go of the “excuses” and the fear of having to be accountable for their life.
Yvonne Pierre, The Day My Soul Cried: A Memoir
Start the structural planning by listing turning points such as births, deaths, mentors, new relationships, artists or musicians in the family, disasters, illnesses, or significant travels. Chart these turning points on a timeline. Look for the overarching theme that develops such as significant relationships, our emotional life, our dream life, miracles, yearnings but paths not taken, or objects or symbols that had significant meaning. Follow either a linear or a life stage development model to structuring your story.
Woven through these events is our family, the most significant influence on how we develop psychologically, mentally, and spiritually. There is no way to underestimate the power of family dynamics in writing out healing memoir. Think about family roles, rules, and myths. Don’t forget those secrets. Perhaps, think about Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and how we relate to it. Think of writing our healing memoir as a development path for self-actualization. Explore generalized patterns of unwritten rules, punishments, various roles family members played, ethnic and cultural influences that affected your family. Was there a balance between autonomy and closeness in the family?
If you bring forward that which is within you, then that which is within you is your salvation. If you go not bring forth that which is within you, then that which is within you will destroy you.
The Gnostic Gospels
Onto the dark stuff that a healing memoir is made of: pain and abuse, family rules and taboos, and dealing with our inner and outer critic. We need to take into consideration to balance the dark and light stories, like maybe baking cookies with family, learning how to ride a bike, winning an award or ribbon, learning to drive, falling in love for the first time, and births. If you get stuck, ask whether what you’re writing is stuff that you remember or stuff that others told you, whether or not our version agrees with our family’s version, whether you hear a threatening voice ordering you to stop, or whether or not you want to heal or simply wallow in those painful memories much longer. Writing is releasing the memories from the torment they cause you. The goal of healing is release: regaining balance and allowing the body and mind to return to a steady state where you can relax again have restful sleep, normal thinking and functioning.
Now for the importance of choosing the scenes from your life that you gathered from your turning points. Your story has to have a beginning, middle, and an end. Have something significant happen in each scene. The main character—you—has to be significantly changed by the course of events in your healing memoir. All stories must have conflict, rising action, a crisis, a climax, and a resolution that by the end of the story, the reader sees where the protagonist—you—began and how you were transformed, in our case, healed since your writing a healing memoir. In deciding your climax, look for the moment of greatest change or insight when your life shifted irrevocably. After that comes the culmination that ties tother the end pieces of your healing story. Voila. You did it.
Families that feel together, heal together.
Christina G. Hibbert Psy.D.
Until my next post, why not check out my YA novels about mental illness, memoir writing, or even my Native American mystery series on Amazon, or follow me on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Goodreads, LinkedIn, Bookbub , BookSprout, or AllAuthor.
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