Jake Eagle's Blog, page 3

What’s the Gift Hidden in the Coronavirus?

I was recently tested for the Covid-19 virus and as I self-isolate in my apartment with my cat, I’ve had an abundance of time to consider how I want to respond to the events of the world and manage my anxiety regarding my test results. I was out of the country when this virus hit— on a cruise ship—so I imagine my chances of having it are pretty good. I’m not overly concerned about my own health—while I am over 60, I’m in reasonably good health and currently my symptoms are mild, but unlike any flu or cold I’ve had before. My concern is more for others—I work with people in their 80’s and people with disabilities and compromised immune systems. Have I unknowingly passed the virus on to them? Time will tell.

What I have noticed is an abundance of kindness, caring, love, and support—from multiple sources—family, friends, neighbours, and social media groups in Toronto that are creating support for everyone affected by this virus. I’ve had many phone calls, emails, and texts inquiring if I need anything. One friend went so far as to offer to pick up food from our favourite Indian restaurant and she and I could have a picnic—she in my hallway outside my front door and I in my foyer. We laughed at the thought, but our main focus was our favourite restaurant, how are they coping—paying their rent, bills, staff?

What can you do for others?

There’s an online group that I’ve joined that is marshaling resources—retired nurses, doctors, caregivers volunteering to care for people whose caregivers are sick. People willing to shop, pick up medication, hunt down elusive rolls of toilet paper, bring books, music or videos to those who are feeling cooped up and anxious. People are offering free yoga and meditation sessions online, one friend of mine organized a weekend dance party and we all danced together in our own homes, connected by our joy and love of music. The Met is offering free operas and museums all over the world are offering free virtual tours. Teachers are creating online classes to keep the young children occupied and provide some respite for parents.

Small independent grocery stores are donating food rather than throwing it away, private landlords are waiving rents for the month of April, and dog walkers are offering to assist people who are too ill to walk their dogs.

I move myself deeply with this growing outpouring of love and generosity in my community—and I am sure I am not alone—I have spoken with friends and family in many areas of North America and their experiences have been similar—people are rising to the occasion, being kinder, more helpful and more conscious of others. People are less busy, less focused on themselves, and spending more time reaching out and focusing on what is dear to them, rather than the trivialities of daily life.

What you can do for yourself.

What I find most helpful is maintaining my routine. I meditate in the morning, and by spending time in heart and spacious consciousness I expand myself. I relax and release any tension I am holding. I limit my exposure to the news. I’m exercising at home, dancing and listening to my favourite music.  I’m using Zoom to connect with my loved ones to abate my loneliness and create a sense of community and connection. And when I notice my thinking slide into anxiety and my body contracting in response, I microdose and take myself to awe, to beauty, and to heart and spacious consciousness. Like all of you, I am facing the unknown. And I want to stand firmly on my feet and in my heart and hold on to what I know to be true—I am loved, I love, and in this moment right now I am safe.

Perhaps, ultimately, this is the gift, the silver lining of this virus. Perhaps we will all take stock of how we live—our hoarding, selfish, each man for himself mentality and transform how we live. Perhaps, as each of us finds ourselves changed in some way by this virus, we will respond compassionately and lovingly. Perhaps our response will cause a ripple effect that will cover the earth, like a giant waterfall of kindness and love, healing the cracks and filling the holes of poverty, racism, sexism, ageism, and all the other “ism’s” that we use to separate ourselves from each other. Perhaps we will see each other in the same boat and share our supplies rather than eat each other. I hope so, and from my experience, this is happening in my life and in the lives of others in Toronto. I hope it’s happening where you are, and you are finding gifts as we ride this wave of uncertainty together.

 

 

 

 

The post What’s the Gift Hidden in the Coronavirus? appeared first on Live Conscious.

We All Have A Personal Narrative —— Is Yours Healthy? (Part II)

When you learn to create an integrated narrative you will be more congruent and experience less anxiety in your life. You will have more compassion and empathy. You will be better able to regulate your moods. You will have healthier, more intimate and more sustainable relationships in your life.

The key to a healthy narrative is that it must be integrated

In Part I of this article I stated that a healthy narrative is integrated, which means that your narrative conveys the ways you have made sense of your life, or made sense of whatever situation you are talking about. This doesn’t mean you always know the answers, but at least you know the questions. It’s your story, how do you want to write it? What questions do you want to answer? What needs are you trying to fulfill? What are you missing and what will you do about that? What do you bring to the situation—to your life—and how fully do you acknowledge yourself?

Here are the key components that lead to creating a healthy, integrated narrative

Your narrative needs to be rational. It needs to make sense from a logical, linear, left brain perspective. If it does, you will relax and not feel defensive.

Your narrative needs to feel intuitively right. It needs to fit you, and not because it makes logical sense, but because the overall feeling of it, the big picture of it—the right brain perspective—feels right and doesn’t need justifying.

Your narrative needs to include multiple perspectives because all human narratives take place with other people. We are never alone in our narratives. Narratives have an interpersonal component, so make sure you talk about other people, as well as represent other people’s perspectives.

Your narrative needs to acknowledge your past and make sense of your past. If bad things happened to you, what did you learn or do as a result? If good things happened to you, how have you incorporated those in your life today?

Your narrative needs to focus primarily on the present, because NOW is the time that you are most able to influence. This is the moment you are shaping.

Your narrative needs to anticipate the future in a way that stimulates hope. A narrative without a bright future contributes to depression. A narrative with a compelling future makes each day exciting and something to look forward to.

Your narrative needs to be embodied—because our narrative is an expression of all of who we are and much of our wisdom comes from our body, not just our brains.

What follows are two examples of narratives. They come from the same woman, the first example was before I taught her how to create healthy narratives and the second one was after. Notice the dramatic difference. This woman was a client I was counseling—very bright and highly educated. She came to see me because she was having a hard time relating with her husband. Either she would crumble when he was mad, or she would escalate and become madder and meaner than she perceived him to be. In this process she was exhausting herself.

An Unhealthy Narrative

I asked my client why she didn’t have an adult/adult conversation with her husband and she said, “He reminds me of my mother.” She went on, “I remember when my mother would treat me poorly, like the time she told me I was dumb. I got upset and started to cry. I told my mother that she upset me. She got angry and said, ‘You always do that—you always blame me. I can’t do anything without being misunderstood.’”

My client told me, “I couldn’t believe she had made me wrong when she was the one who had told me I was dumb. All I wanted was her attention, and the only way I could get her attention was to be wrong, to take the blame, even when I didn’t do anything. My dad couldn’t live with her being upset, so he always told me to apologize to Mom. There was another time when my mother said, ‘I had a daughter once, but you’re not my daughter any more.’”

My client said, “I was furious, but because my mother was upset, my father told me to apologize.”

I asked my client, “When did this happen?” and she told me it had been over fifteen years ago. She had been carrying it around and continuing to relive these scenes and conversations for fifteen years. I said to her, “It’s time for you to stop wasting your energy fighting old battles. You’re no longer your mother’s little girl. You’re a grown woman. Your mother is no longer responsible for your well being, you are.” She asked, “How do I do that?” I explained that she needed to change her narrative. She needed to speak as an adult. She needed to face the present without hiding in the past.

The above example demonstrates a narrative that is not rational. It does not adequately answer my client’s original question, “How can I relate better with my husband?” Instead, her narrative justifies why she doesn’t treat her husband well. Her narrative does not make sense of the past, not in any constructive way, and it is an example of someone getting lost in their past instead of emphasizing the present. My client told the story when she was asked a question about how she relates to her husband today, and neither the present nor the future was addressed in her story. And, finally, my client took no ownership of her own story. She reported the entire thing as if she were a victim.

After teaching my client how to create a healthy narrative, I asked my client the same question, I asked her why she didn’t have an adult/adult conversation with husband. Here’s what she told me.

A Healthy Narrative

“For many years I chose to engage with my mother. In doing so, I chose not to get my emotional needs met. I tolerated what I now see as her narcissism. I agreed to play this crazy-making game, acting as though everything was about her. In doing so, I deprived myself and disappointed myself. I sacrificed my integrity so that I could have her in my life even though it wasn’t good for me.

“I even fooled myself with my father because I perceived him as doing nothing more than colluding with my mother. I perceived him as narcissistic in his own way, asking me to sacrifice myself so that he could have peace in his own life. And I remember him telling me this is all he wanted. I experienced him as extremely selfish, yet I chose to engage with him. He didn’t force me to. I chose to engage with people who could not give me what I wanted. I put up with my mother when she said terrible things like, ‘I had a daughter once, but you’re not my daughter.’

“I disrespected myself with this woman and kept going back for more. Why? Because I didn’t want to accept that I would never get what I wanted from her. If I could have accepted that, maybe I could have let go and stopped beating my head against the wall. If I had better self-esteem I would have refused to relate with people I perceived as crazy. If I stopped relating with such people, I’d have better self-esteem today.

“And, now, being with my husband is a chance for me to conduct myself in a totally different way. When he’s not emotionally available, for the most part, we can talk it through. Although I am responsible for picking a man who on occasion reminds me of people from my past, like my mom—and I threaten myself—I can break this pattern by conducting myself in a different way, even when I feel scared, because deep down I know he’s a good man. This means that from now on I won’t withdraw and I won’t get angry, because those are outdated ways of behaving that I used with my mother. They didn’t work well then. They won’t work now. I amaze myself that I have haunted myself with this woman who I perceive as crazy and selfish. I need to say goodbye to her.

“In doing so, in saying goodbye, I feel hopeful for the first time in my life. I feel that I have a chance to create a new way of relating with my husband and other people in my life. My body feels calm when I think of this. I feel relaxed and hopeful, and I know I’ll occasionally make mistakes, but I also know that the people closest to me will always give me a second chance when I make a small misstep. I am so happy to stop hiding behind my mother.”

In this second example, which was a response to the same question, do you see the dramatic difference between a non-integrated, incoherent narrative and an integrated narrative?

A Healthy Narrative Is An Integrated Narrative

In Part I of this article I started off by saying that a healthy narrative is integrated, but it’s also integrative. What I mean by this is that when we intentionally create an integrated narrative, we are developing more integrated brains—we are actually altering the structures of our brains in ways that expand our capabilities and our resiliency.

An Integrated Narrative Builds An Integrated Brain

An integrated narrative draws upon different areas of our brains. It includes logic that comes from our left hemisphere, intuition that comes from our right hemisphere, and gut feelings and bodily sensations that flow through our spinal column into our brain stem. A narrative that includes temporal integration—linking together the past, present and future—stimulates our pre-frontal cortex.

An Integrated Brain Results In Better Relationships

As we grow the fibers in the integrative circuits of our brains, which include the pre-frontal cortex, hippocampus, and corpus callosum, we increase empathy and compassion. We develop a greater capacity to regulate ourselves—learning to respond to situations instead of reacting—so we decrease tension and conflict in our lives. And with increased integration—in our brains and in our narratives—we form healthier and more sustainable relationships.

I urge you to take the time to write your own integrated narrative. It takes practice, but as you learn to tell your story—the big story of your life or the small story about what you did today—in an integrated manner, you will be reshaping your brain. If you are looking for a mindfulness practice, this is a powerful one. When you combine this with the use of Perception Language—you will free yourself from past limitations and be able to author your life.

Please send in any comments or questions if you need help.

 

 

The post We All Have A Personal Narrative —— Is Yours Healthy? (Part II) appeared first on Live Conscious.

Discover Your Personal Narrative — (Part I)

We can be a historian of our own lives or a novelist

Within every one of us there is an invisible force that guides us through our lives. It is our personal story—our narrative. We’re largely unconscious of our narrative, but shouldn’t be, because if we have an unhealthy narrative we limit ourselves. We use past mistakes to hold ourselves back. We attract the wrong kind of people into our lives. We sabotage our potential. But, our narratives can be changed, and by creating healthy narratives we shift our identity from being a passive recorder of what happened to an active author of our own life story. We go from being a historian to a novelist in which we create our own story.

First, we’ll explore a bit more about what we mean by “narratives,” and then we’ll examine the differences between unhealthy narratives and healthy narratives. Finally, we’ll look at the things you can do to create your own healthy, coherent, and constructive narrative.

What is a narrative?

If I were to ask you, “Who are you?” or “What are you doing with your life?” or “What’s your purpose?” you would tell me a story of sorts.  You wouldn’t need to stop and prepare because you know your own story, you tell it all the time, through your behaviors, your expectations and your choices. And your story shapes the way people see you and respond to you.

To get the most out of this article, you might take time—right now—and write down your story. Just answer this simple question, “If you have five minutes to tell me about yourself, to tell me what matters most, what would you say?”

Okay . . . a few people will actually stop and answer the question above. In doing so, these people are telling us something about them. This simple behavior suggests that these people are serious about getting the most out of this article. They are motivated. They are willing to invest some time and energy. That’s part of their story—and it says something about the kind of person they are.

Other people are more likely to keep on reading. Maybe they think of themselves as too busy, or they haven’t yet decided if this article warrants their full attention, or they think of themselves as smarter than other people and they think they can take a shortcut and still get the gist of this article. That’s part of their story—and it says something about the kind of person they are.

All of our decisions and behaviors are driven by the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves. And our decisions and behaviors shape our stories. Most of this happens unconsciously. Seldom do we stop and take the time to consciously create our stories. Most of us are living with stories that to a significant degree were formed when we were younger. And here’s the problem—we’re living with outdated stories. I’ll share an example with you from my own life.

I started teaching workshops and psychology trainings in Japan twenty years ago. I was in my early forties at that time—excited about the chance to work abroad, to learn about a different culture. Because of my eagerness and ambition I made agreements with the people who sponsored me to work in Japan and then I lived with those agreements for the past fifteen years.

But, over time, I frustrated myself because I outgrew my original agreements and started to feel limited by those agreements.  It didn’t occur to me—until my partner pointed it out—that my old agreements were no longer a good fit for me. My story had changed, but my agreements hadn’t changed. I needed to renegotiate my contract based on how I thought of myself now. As soon as I did, I reinvigorated myself.

When the stories we have don’t match with the way we live—we frustrate ourselves and exhaust ourselves, or we bore ourselves.

Unhealthy Narratives:

Okay, we’ve seen one thing that contributes to an unhealthy narrative and that is living with an outdated narrative, and this is very common. What are some other things to contribute to unhealthy narratives?

When your narrative is only about you—instead of including other people and other people’s perspectives—it conveys a narcissistic quality. So when you tell your story notice whether or not you include other people. Yes, it’s your story, but do you include your spouse, your children, your friends, or your parents in your story?

How do you talk about yourself in your narrative? Are you the creator of your life, a passive observer, or are you a victim of other people’s actions? Do you talk about how people have treated you unfairly, or do you talk about what you learned and how you changed as a result of being treated unfairly? These are two very different stories.

Are you self-dismissive when you tell your narrative? This can be very subtle. You might start your sentences by saying things like, “This is not that important, but I remember when I . . .” Or, “It probably made no difference, but I remember when I . . . “ Or, “I always wanted to do something meaningful, but perhaps that’s not meant to be.” Each of these is an example of being self-dismissive.

Does your narrative make sense? Sometimes we hear a narrative that is simply incoherent. It doesn’t add up and therefore lacks credibility and won’t be taken seriously. For example someone might say, “I don’t remember much about my relationship with my father, but it wasn’t an important relationship.” This makes no sense, if the person doesn’t remember much, then how do they know if it was or wasn’t important?

Healthy Narratives:

If we contrast unhealthy narratives with healthy narratives, the primary difference can be summarized with one word: integrated. A healthy narrative is integrated. And what’s fascinating is that a healthy narrative is also integrative. Let me explain.

First, let’s look at the concept of integration, which is one way to define mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical health—the more integrated we are the healthier we are. Integration occurs when we take separate things and link them together. In linking the different elements we create something that is more complex, more adaptable, flexible and resilient.

For example:

Imagine a business that only makes software, like Microsoft, and then imagine a business that makes software and hardware and retails stores in which to sell what they make, like Apple. Apple is more complex, more adaptive, and more resilient than Microsoft. Apple is more integrated.

Imagine a person who denies aspects of their past. Now compare them to a person who is fully accepting of their past, including their limitations and their resources. The latter is a more integrated individual—more flexible and resilient.

Imagine the human brain of an individual who is highly cerebral, but out of touch with their emotions and disconnected from their body. Then, imagine a person who has full access to their left hemisphere—highly cerebral—but they also have full access to their right hemisphere so they are in touch with their emotions and aware of their body. The latter person is a more integrated person, having fuller access to different aspects of themselves.

In each case, what we see is that when we link different parts or functions and create a more complex system, we create a system that is more resourceful, adaptive, flexible and resilient. And this is why we refer to integration as a measure of health.

I started off by saying that a healthy narrative is integrated, but it’s also integrative. What I mean by this is that when we intentionally create an integrated narrative, we are building more integrated brains—we are actually altering the structures of our brains in ways that expand our capabilities and our resiliency.

What’s An Integrated Brain Look Like?

To learn what an integrated brain looks like, and how to make yours more integrated, you’ll want to read Part II of this article. We think you’ll find it very worthwhile. And, if you haven’t yet written your personal narrative, we encourage you to do so before reading Part II of this article.

The post Discover Your Personal Narrative — (Part I) appeared first on Live Conscious.

A New Kind of New Year’s Resolution—part II

Resolutions (decisions, commitments, agreements) made in heart consciousness are easy to fulfill; that’s why they’re likely to last beyond January 12th. Heart consciousness is a state of mind that comes about as we practice appreciation and gratitude. It’s more or less that simple. I say, “more or less” because, looking at it from safety consciousness, it doesn’t seem that simple, so, if you’re thinking, “Nah, it’s not that simple,” you’re in safety consciousness. If you realize it’s that simple, you’re in heart consciousness.

No force is required

When we make resolutions after spending a few minutes contemplating or meditating in heart consciousness, our resolutions will not require force, there will be no internal conflict, and we will not feel anxious or pressured. All those concepts come from safety consciousness where we keep score, evaluate, compete, set boundaries, control, assert, plan, and manage the stress associated with doing these things.

Again, please don’t misinterpret my message. We do need to do those things at times. Life requires those behaviors for us to “take care of business” and make ourselves feel secure and be responsible. But instead of spending eighty, ninety, or one hundred percent of time thinking and behaving in safety consciousness, I’m suggesting maybe we spend fifty percent of time thinking and acting in those ways (maybe less).

The rest of the time, you live in heart consciousness. Appreciate what you do have—your capacity to love and be loved, the freedom to make choices, the food you eat, the water you drink, the bed you sleep in, and the health you enjoy. You don’t have to rely upon force to appreciate being alive. Instead, you practice presence.

What is presence?

Presence is being open-hearted in the moment, without comparison or judgment, being congruent in word and deed, accompanied by a hint of whimsy.

Why whimsy? Because being too serious takes us back to safety consciousness. As we access heart consciousness, we experience a different perspective, reverential, yes, but not serious. And whimsy is one remedy for seriousness.

Trying to access presence from safety consciousness is not easy. It is possible, but not the most natural path to presence. This is why I’m encouraging you to contemplate or meditate into heart consciousness—appreciation and gratitude—and from there, presence is within an eye blink.

If you don’t know how to access heart consciousness, consider joining the next Thrilled To Be Alive course I’ll be teaching. That’s a big part of what that course offers. And, in the meantime, you can practice sitting quietly for five to ten minutes, settling into your body, breathing from your heart, and thinking about the people and things in your life that you appreciate.

Or, you can allow me to guide you through a short meditation:

https://liveconscious.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/New-year-resolution-meditation.m4a

Please share below the resolutions you discover while in heart consciousness.

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A New Kind of New Year’s Resolution—that will last

Most New Year’s resolutions last a short time. According to a survey of thirty-one million people, most resolutions fail by January 12th. That’s discouraging. So, I want to offer you a new approach.

I believe most resolutions don’t last very long for the same reason that most therapy doesn’t produce the best results possible. It’s because we “do” therapy, and we “make” resolutions while in a state of safety consciousness. When we are in safety consciousness, which does play a valuable role in our lives, we limit ourselves.

In safety consciousness, we rely on force to get things done. Can you think of past resolutions you made? Did it feel like you were trying to force or push yourself to do or not do something?

Inner conflict

We often rely on force or willpower to do things when one part of us is at odds with another part. We want to lose weight, but we enjoy eating and don’t like feeling restricted. We want to quit smoking, but we value how cigarettes help us calm down. We want to treat our spouse more lovingly, but we won’t be kind when we don’t feel appreciated or valued. We want to be more patient with our kids, but we want to insist they behave in ways that we know are good for them. We want to meditate every morning, but we want to get started on our to-do lists.

When we have these kinds of internal conflicts, we behave in ways we don’t like, so we resolve to stop those behaviors. How do we do that? Force. Will power. Using force is a tough row to hoe—and tiring—that’s why most resolutions are over by January 12th, and people go back to their old patterns of behavior.

Another way

I have a suggestion for you—take some time to access heart consciousness and then make your New Year’s resolution. I believe you will find yourself making a very different kind of resolution. What would that look like? Well, imagine making a resolution that is born out of appreciation. Think about that for a minute.

No, really . . . think about that for a minute. Then, if you want to, you can read the second part of this article. And at the end of that second part, I have a gift for you, you’ll find it laying under the tree.

 

 

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What does it take to live with an open heart?

Is it possible to live with an open heart—in heart consciousness—all the time? That depends on two things.

For the past two or three years, we’ve been introducing the idea that there are different levels of consciousness. We’ve identified three levels: safety consciousness, heart consciousness, and spacious consciousness. If you’re not familiar with them, you can read this article.

It seems that people are very interested in learning how to live in heart consciousness. We teach this in one of our online courses called Thrilled To Be Alive, and it’s the most popular course we offer. Heart consciousness is familiar to all of us; we’ve all spent time in this state of being. Remember a time when you were feeling utterly grateful to someone in your life? That was heart consciousness. Or a time when you felt deeply appreciative of the circumstances of your life. That was heart consciousness. It is a state defined by appreciation and gratitude.

When we live in heart consciousness, we feel more relaxed, open, curious, and compassionate. We feel less anxious, defensive, judgmental, and self-critical. It’s a delicious way to move through the world. I believe we can spend much more time in heart consciousness than is customary, but I don’t think we can live there all the time.

To live in heart consciousness

Being able to live in heart consciousness more of the time depends on two things.

The first is how well we satisfy our basic needs. Maslow pointed out that our unfulfilled needs motivate us. So, if we don’t have enough food and water, we are driven to get food and water. If we don’t have enough financial security, whatever that means to each person, we are motivated to get more financial security. “What is enough” is entirely subjective; we each decide for ourselves. The point is to create a “sense of enough” in our lives so that we aren’t continuously focusing on creating more because when that’s our focus, we remain in safety consciousness.

Think of it this way:

When in safety consciousness, I’m focused on what I need or want.
When in heart consciousness, I’m focused on appreciating what I have—my life, the people I love, and the people who love me.

The second thing that determines if we can live in heart consciousness is the people with whom we choose to relate. When we choose to connect with people who are emotionally unhealthy or immature, we’re very likely to find ourselves in safety consciousness. We end up taking a higher degree of responsibility for these people than when we relate with people who are emotionally healthy and mature.

We choose the people in our lives

In my private practice, I hear people complain about the “difficult” people in their lives— parents, ex-partners, even current partners, and sometimes their children. When we complain about the people in our lives, we disempower ourselves. After all, we choose to relate to these people.

Once we’re grown up, we don’t have to relate to our parents. It’s a choice. We don’t have to relate to ex-partners or current partners; it’s our choice. Our children may be an exception because when they are young and dependent on us, we do have a commitment/obligation to get them launched. However, even when it comes to our children, we want to be careful not to victimize ourselves, after all, we chose to have them. They are in our lives not because of their choosing, but because of ours.

So, here’s the thing, the people in our lives are here because we chose them. We may have chosen them at a time when we liked or loved them, and we may no longer desire or love them, for example, in a co-parenting situation with an ex-partner. When we shift to no longer appreciating the people in our lives, we will have a hard time being in heart consciousness with them.

But that’s okay, no need to beat ourselves up if we have some relationships that aren’t based in heart consciousness. Instead, we can get good at operating in safety consciousness. What’s that mean? First, we need to avoid victimizing ourselves—poor me—because when we do so, we disempower ourselves. If we’re interacting with someone who we perceive to be emotionally unhealthy or immature, it’s especially necessary to empower ourselves.

Maturity allows us to respond, not react

The second skill for navigating safety consciousness well is maturity. Maturity allows us to communicate thoughtfully, consider the bigger picture—not just what’s happening at the moment—understand different points of view, and respond appropriately instead of reacting impulsively.

Some of our relationships will require us to be in safety consciousness, and others will encourage us to be in heart consciousness. This is not a sign that something is wrong or that we are failing. It is the result of choosing to have people in our lives who aren’t emotionally healthy and mature. And we need to consider the possibility that we may be the one who lacks emotional health and maturity, and if that’s the case, we have some work to do.

The idea behind recognizing different levels of consciousness is to become skillful in all three levels and be able to flow from one to another depending on circumstances. In general, we could all benefit from spending more time in heart consciousness. That’s the purpose of our Thrilled To Be Alive course; we show people a straightforward way to access heart consciousness. And for a more holistic experience, we offer retreats in which people learn to open their hearts, and also become more skillful in safety consciousness and more secure within themselves.  

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Meditating Without Meditation

Do you feel as though you are going too fast and living on autopilot too much of the time? Most people get to end of their lives and wonder “Where did my life go? It went by in a flash.”

This is because we were barely paying attention.

We can learn to slow down and become more attentive and fascinated by the world we live in. We can become curious about the beautiful yet simplest things that we otherwise would never have noticed.

Most of us are aware that a morning meditation can set the tone for our day, making us calmer and more focused. Yet, how often do we make ourselves too busy to take 30 minutes to meditate?

Because so many of us feel we don’t have enough time, we’ve created a new practice—a fascinating, different kind of mindfulness practice that only takes a few seconds, yet gives us the benefits of meditating while we move through our busy days.

With Microdosing Mindfulness, we stop 4 or 5 times a day and begin to deeply notice what’s happening in the moment. This practice uses a reminder, so that several times a day, we remember  to stop and notice what the world is offering to us right NOW. If you want to know more about this practice, click on this link to learn about our online classes, and discover how to get the benefits of meditating without meditation.

Extended Microdoses

In this article, I want to offer an added practice of extending your micro moments over a short period of time to create a profound form of active meditation. This is a practice of being impeccably focused on everything and anything that you’re doing as you move yourself through the ordinary and un-ordinary activities of your day.

One way to access this state is to take notice of everything you’re sensing: seeing, hearing, touching, tasting, or smelling. This could be simply feeling your breath, sensing your body move through space, noticing the breeze or the sun’s warmth on your skin.

Right now, I feel my fingers manipulating the keys of my computer. Then I notice my bottom on the chair cushion and my cat rubbing against my leg under my desk.

Next I am hearing the bird outside my window chirping, feeling my body moving toward the window as I get myself up to see the bird, then noticing the purple flowers with yellow and black butterflies near my window.

Here are three examples of ways I have extended moments of mindfulness:

Extended Microdose One:

I hear a dog bark outside my door, I notice moving myself out of my chair. I feel my bare feet touching the floor and my body moving through space. I reach out, grab the doorknob, feel the coolness and shape of the knob in my hand, notice my hand turning the knob and pulling the door open.

I smell the freshness of the air rushing in. I see my neighbor’s dog, Ghost, who has come to visit. I notice the smile on her face, her hair shining in the sun, her expectant eyes meeting mine, and I say, “Hello Ghost, I delight myself to see you.”

Extended Microdose Two:

I walk myself into the hot springs water. The warmth alone is an invitation to go deeper and deeper into the pool. I feel my way along the pebbly bottom with my feet. I move myself against the liquid resistance to the corner of the pool, settle my bottom on the underwater banco, and close my eyes. Ahhh.

In front of me I hear the rushing sound of three voluptuous waterspouts filling the pool rapidly, and behind me the sucking sound of the overflow taking away any excess as the pool seeks its own balance. I hear a raven crowing on the cliff above and muffled whispers of fellow seekers of delight – soaking nearby.

As I open my eyes, I take notice of the surface of the water reflecting the sky and clouds. Looking up I see the clouds and cliffs in their “real” and still version. I look down again at the water. Cliffs and clouds are dancing because the water is in motion.

I look up again and see the clouds are not really still at all. With brilliant rainbow edges they are moving in slow motion past the sun through the blue sky. I see the raven I heard on the side of the cliff. He has discovered a hole to hide something in and is eagerly stuffing this treasure into the hole—his black feathers shining in the sunlight. He may be black, but like the cloud, he has rainbow colors too.

Extended Microdose Three:

I envelop myself in a large warm Turkish towel as I step out of the hot steamy bath that my husband prepared for me earlier. My bare feet connect to floor as I walk through our dimly lit bedroom to touch the light switch near our bed that was left on low. I turn off the light. I sense a further quieting of an already quiet room.

I slip my body under the downy covers, delighting myself with the contrast of my body’s warmth from the bath and the cool silken sheets. I feel my muscles letting go and then letting go even more; only now noticing the daylong sense of holding my body erect.

To my right I hear my husband’s deep throaty breathing denoting he is asleep. I want to wrap myself around him, yet also don’t want to wake him. I choose to let him be. To my left my cat is taking and up most of my pillow. He likes contact. He glues himself to my head every night and both of us vibrate with his purr.

I feel grateful for the next 8 hours with nothing to do, and yet, at the same time not wanting to miss a moment of being awake and aware that I am alive. Giving in, I connect with my breath and drop off to sleep without noticing when.

With this practice of paying impeccable attention, as we go through any activity in our lives, we may not only add years to our lives, but make those years richer, more rewarding and ultimately more pleasurable.

If this interests you, I suggest you join the next Microdosing Mindfullness class.

The post Meditating Without Meditation appeared first on Live Conscious.

Microdosing Mindfulness

Stretching time

Imagine if you could s-t-r-e-t-c-h time. How would you feel if you had more time every day? Evidence suggests you’d be more present and patient, have more meaningful experiences, and spend more of your time volunteering to help other people.

If that idea appeals to you, the question becomes, how do you stretch time—or more accurately—how do you expand your perception of time? I’ll show you.

For the past couple of years, I’ve been offering online classes called Thrilled To Be Alive. Everyone who participates is asked to spend ten minutes a day doing a specific meditation. The people who do the meditations regularly seem to get more out of the course than people who don’t. Those who don’t do the meditations report that they simply don’t have enough time.

Micro-meditations

So, I developed the idea of micro-meditations. These are very brief meditations that take hardly any time at all, maybe five to twenty-five seconds. A micro meditation involves pausing, fully taking in and appreciating what you are sensing with your sight, sound, touch, taste, smell, and your imagination. Because they take so little time, they can be done several times throughout the day, bringing about a remarkable state of being, which I’ll describe in a minute.

But before I do that, I want to introduce you to Michael Amster, one of the participants in my course, a longtime member of the Live Conscious community, a very experienced meditator, as well as a meditation instructor. Michael offered a brilliant suggestion, which is that we call this practice Microdosing Mindfulness. The name immediately resonated with me because meditation encourages us to focus inward and empty our mind. It involves letting go. Mindfulness is different in that it involves being deeply aware, often of external things, so that we have a heightened awareness of our senses.

Minutes to seconds

And meditation requires time—at minimum ten minutes, fifteen or twenty is even better. Whereas Microdosing Mindfulness hardly requires any time at all. Instead of ten, fifteen, or twenty minutes, Microdosing Mindfulness can be done in ten, fifteen, or twenty seconds!

Michael and I, and a few others in our community began practicing Microdosing Mindfulness several times a day. People reported finding this helpful, in part, because we lead busy lives and find it challenging to make time to meditate consistently. And some of us don’t feel as though meditating once a day creates a sense of well-being that lasts the entire day, certainly not during stressful times. But those of us who are Microdosing Mindfulness throughout the day are experiencing a lasting sense of well-being.

As a result of our experiences, and what we’ve heard from other people, Michael and I decided to run a couple of pilot projects—one for people suffering from chronic pain, and one for people interested in personal and spiritual growth. Since Michael is a doctor specializing in pain management, he’s going to run the pilot for his chronic pain patients. I’m going to offer a pilot for people interested in personal and spiritual growth. Participants will learn how to microdose mindfulness during an initial meeting (online for my group), and then share one email each day—a microdose—with the other group members. Michael will provide feedback and guidance for his group, and I’ll do the same for my group. There will be no charge, and if you’d like to apply to join my group, complete the form at the end of this article.

The most significant aspect of mindfulness

In the process of designing our pilot projects, we identified what we believe is the most significant aspect of this mindfulness practice: awe. A study* published in 2012 defines awe as, “the emotion that arises when one encounters something so strikingly vast that it provokes a need to update one’s mental schemas (Keltner & Haidt, 2003).” The way we think about this is that when we encounter something ” strikingly vast,” or “strikingly beautiful,” or “strikingly moving,” we are popped out of our auto-pilot mental schemas and we wake up to the miracles of life. We experience awe, and the benefits of doing so—frequently throughout the day—are, well, awesome.

The study demonstrated that when we access awe, we perceive time as expansive, and when we perceive time this way, we are more present, have more patience, and are more likely to volunteer our time to help other people. And, not surprisingly, when we sense that more time is available, we become more interested in having meaningful experiences as compared to buying material possessions as a way to reward ourselves. It makes sense to me, I’d rather go on a beautiful hike than buy a possession, but if I don’t feel that I have the time to hike, purchasing something gives me temporary pleasure.

Accessing timelessness takes no time

We believe we’re creating something very significant—a mindfulness practice done in microdoses throughout the day, that fosters awe, wakes us up, brings us into the present, and opens our hearts. And it only takes seconds a day to change your life every day. This practice enhances our sense of well-being, and it could solve problems on a much larger scale. Imagine a world in which people are present, patient, helpful to others, and prefer experiential activities over material goods.

This practice helps us find awe in the ordinary. Initially, we may discover awe standing under a redwood tree and looking up or standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon. As we become more present by learning to Microdose Mindfulness, we can experience awe listening to music, watching a movie, cuddling with our cat, or waiting for a red light to turn green. We can find awe in almost any moment. And it is in those moments that we experience joy and gratitude for the gift of life and how we can affect the lives of those around us.

 

* Awe Expands People’s Perception of Time, Alters Decisions Making, and Enhances Well-Being (Rudd, Vohs, Aaker)

 

I want to join the Microdosing Mindfulness pilot project


Name*



First




Last


Email*

PhoneDo you currently have a mindfulness practice?*YesNoPlease select all that you think are true

I have strong communication skills


I am emotionally mature


I take a high degree of personal responsibility


I am not interested in complaining


I do not suffer from depression


I do not suffer from post-traumatic stress




I have a pretty wonderful life and want to appreciate it more
Please tell us a little about yourself and why you're interested in this course..*Are You Available To Make A Full Commitment?*This pilot project will last for two weeks. In the beginning, you will be asked to complete a short self-assessment. You will be invited to join a one-hour video conference in which you learn how to Microdose Mindfulness.


During the pilot, you will write one email per day for the purpose of sharing some of your microdose experiences. The emails will be shared with the other participants in hopes of stimulating examples of microdosing.


After the first week, there will be a second video conference.


The course will conclude with one final video conference. At the end of the course, you will be expected to complete another short self-assessment.


The video conferences sessions will most likely be a weeknight at 5 pm Pacific time.


Are you 100% comfortable committing to the requirements of the course? Yes, absolutely.It depends on circumstances.I need to know more about the commitment.How did you learn about this course?If someone referred you to this course, please let me know who that was. If not, how did you find out about this course?

 

The post Microdosing Mindfulness appeared first on Live Conscious.

Test

I want to join the Microdosing Mindfulness pilot project


Name*



First




Last


Email*

PhoneDo you currently have a mindfulness practice?*YesNoPlease select all that you think are true

I have strong communication skills


I am emotionally mature


I take a high degree of personal responsibility


I am not interested in complaining


I do not suffer from depression


I do not suffer from post-traumatic stress




I have a pretty wonderful life and want to appreciate it more
Please tell us a little about yourself and why you're interested in this course..*Are You Available To Make A Full Commitment?*This pilot project will last for two weeks. The first session will include a one-hour video conference during which you will learn how to Microdose Mindfulness. At the beginning of the course, you will be asked to complete a self-assessment.


You will be asked to write one or more emails per day for the purpose of sharing some of your microdose experiences. The emails will be shared with the other participants in hopes of stimulating examples of microdosing.


The second week there will be another video conference to answer any questions and share our experiences.


The course will conclude with one final video conference. At the end of the course, you will be expected to complete the self-assessment.


The video conferences sessions will most likely be one weeknight at 5pm Pacific time.


Are you 100% comfortable committing to the requirements of the course? Yes, absolutely.It depends on circumstances.I need to know more about the commitment.How did you learn about this course?If someone referred you to this course, please let me know who that was. If not, how did you find out about this course?

The post Test appeared first on Live Conscious.

The Answer To These Troubled Times

Do you believe in “channels”? I’m not talking about television stations, but the idea that spirits, voices, entities, can come through us and communicate information. I never have. But that didn’t stop me from channeling the following message last night. The voice was clear, and so insistent that I had to get out of bed and make notes.

My belief about events like this, channeling, comes from a remarkable book written by Julian Jaynes, The Origins of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind. Simply put, one hemisphere of our brain hears auditory hallucinations that are coming from the other hemisphere of our brain. So, for now, that’s how I explain what happened. The explanation doesn’t matter to me, I found the content of the message very compelling—and I hope you do, too.

You’ve created a mess

Look at what a mess you’ve created. When I say “you,” I mean all you fools. You don’t get it. What you’re doing isn’t working. You’re making a mess of things, not the least of which is your planet. I can summarize it in one word: Trump. And you’re all creating the mess—those who like him and those who don’t.

For those who like him or his policies, you’ve still got to admit he’s an embarrassment to your species. He’s dishonest, reactive, thin-skinned, lacks empathy, and he’s self-absorbed.

And for those who don’t like him—no explanation is needed—be careful you don’t start sounding like him, becoming reactive (to him), lacking empathy (toward him), and become self-absorbed to the point that you don’t understand the people who did vote for him.

Why don’t you like him? Because you’re afraid. You’re scared of the direction he’s taking your country.

Why do you like him? Because you’re scared of the direction your country is going—the world is turning brown, globalization is eliminating borders, automation is eliminating jobs—and you think he can stop it.

You like him; you don’t like him, either way, you’re scared. And he uses your fear to manipulate you.

The political answer is to raise people out of poverty and eliminate ignorance.

The psychological answer is to move beyond living in safety consciousness. This is what you don’t get. Safety consciousness will take you only so far. Move beyond safety consciousness—learn to access heart and spacious consciousness—because as you elevate your consciousness, you elevate the conversation and find better solutions to your problems.

Stuck in safety consciousness

Whether you’re in the pro-Trump camp or the anti-Trump camp, you’re stuck psychologically. Stuck in safety consciousness—and yes, safety consciousness does serve a valuable purpose, but it’s also incredibly limiting.

Look at the psychological models you rely on; they’re part of the problem. Why? Because they’re created by people who live primarily in safety consciousness. Take Maslow, his model is based on satisfying your need to feel safe, getting love from other people (and when love comes from other people you still don’t feel safe because it can be taken away), and measuring yourselves based on how much recognition and respect you get from other people—all of which is external validation.

Maslow admitted very few people would ever become self-actualized. Why? Because the lower four levels he described—survival, safety, belonging, self-esteem—occupy almost all of your attention. His model suggests that you work your way up the levels; first, you crawl, then you walk, and a few rare people will be able to run someday.

But crawling, walking, running—they all operate on the same plane. Even if you run, you’ll end up at the same place as the crawlers, you just get there quicker. What is that place? It’s illusory self-esteem that is based on creating enough safety (money, reputation, external validation), so that you think you’re okay.

You were built to fly!

But crawl, walk, or run—you’re missing the point. You were built to fly!

Is anyone on your planet talking about humans flying? Brene’ Brown sounds like she is. She’s a superstar since doing her TED talk and being endorsed by Oprah. Incredibly charismatic. And her message seems so good; it’s all about being courageous. She says, “Vulnerability is hard, and it’s scary, and it feels dangerous, but it’s not as hard, scary or dangerous as getting to the end of our lives and having to ask ourselves, ‘What if I would’ve shown up?'” So many of you love her message.

But here’s the thing—she’s validating the idea that it’s hard to be vulnerable. Who says so? Brene’ Brown says so, but that doesn’t make it so. It reminds me of that game you people play, what’s it called, “Simon says.” Your gurus and teachers tell you relationships require hard work, and all of you nod, “yes.” They tell you to heal your inner child, and you nod, “yes.” Brene’ Brown says being vulnerable is hard and scary, and you nod, “yes.” But it’s only hard when you live in safety consciousness. It’s not hard if you’re in heart consciousness. It’s effortless. Open your hearts and stop resisting.

Almost all the messages you hear today are from people who are living in safety consciousness. The thing is, just because they’re good at it, just because they succeeded in safety consciousness, that doesn’t mean they can teach you anything other than how to be better in safety consciousness. So, you’re stuck.

Safety consciousness

Safety consciousness is characterized by a busy mind, discovering and solving problems, analyzing and worrying, getting lost in stories, complaining, striving, and working harder than before to create a sense of safety and security in your lives. Safety resists change because change is unfamiliar, unknown and therefore considered a threat, of sorts.

What are your other popular theories these days? Oh, that’s right, attachment theory has been hot for a while now. Four kinds of attachment are supposed to explain why you behave the ways you do and why you choose the partners you choose and why you make a mess of your romantic relationships. What are the four attachment types? Ask your know-it-all Google, and it’ll tell you: Anxious and preoccupied, Dismissive and avoidant, Fearful and avoidant, and the last one is Secure attachment. Notice how these are all rooted in ideas related to safety.

What do people do with attachment style theory? Mostly they use it to justify why they behave the ways they do, why they have a hard time being intimate, and why they need to protect themselves against repeating patterns from their childhoods — crazy shit. Really, if you want to have a fabulous romantic partnership, stop living predominantly in safety consciousness. Check off the few boxes that are necessary for safety consciousness, then shift into heart consciousness. Instead of worrying about someone breaking your heart, break open your own heart, and stop resisting love.

“But what if my mommy abandoned me?” Well, that depends. If you’re born in western culture and you buy into your psychological models, you earn yourself six years of weekly therapy sessions. But, if you’re born in another culture, say Namibian, a community of people raises you, and you never feel abandoned by your mother because no one told you that was an option.

Psychology is created by culture. It’s not the truth. And in western culture, it was developed by people who lived primarily in safety consciousness. No wonder you struggle as much as you do.

Oh, where to begin?

Why are you afraid of change?

Because you don’t understand life.

You’re focused on safety.

It’s the wrong goal.

Let me put it this way.

Give it 20% of your attention if you must, but not 80 or 100%.

Where should you put your attention?

Living with arms wide open, heart wide open, mind wide open.

What about being hurt?

Hurt happens when you close your hearts.

Hurt happens when you resist life.

Stay open, come back to the miracle.

Come back to this moment.

Time and time and time again.

Learn to fly

Aren’t you tired of being afraid? Aren’t you tired of reacting to Trump and feeling resistant? Aren’t you tired of striving and struggling to feel good enough? It’s time to explore new territory— the territory of your own heart. Learning to access your heart easily and live without resistance is a skill, so is learning to fly. If you want to learn to fly, stop trying to run faster, and grow a pair of wings