Garrison Kelly's Blog, page 5
August 7, 2024
Get a Job
DIALOGUE
Tip? I’ve got a tip for you. Get a real job! Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk!
VERSE 1
You could hire me as your manicurist
To do the job right, I need to bind your wrists
Paint a nice blue coat over them fingertips
Stop itching your hands, that shit’s gonna rip
Except it wasn’t nail polish, not a single drop
It’s hydrofluoric acid, watch them bubbles pop
Look at your hands! They’re good as new
About as new as my diploma mill degree, dude
DIALOGUE
The best kind of social program is spelled J-O-B! Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk!
VERSE 2
You could hire me as your wife’s foot masseur
That could have been your role, but I’m much cuter
She can have a few glasses of red wine first
Wouldn’t want her to pass out from all the thirst
Put on some Michael Bolton and squirt some oil
Make her soles nice and soft, make her toes coil
She loves the feeling and it’s making her sing
And just like that, she lost her wedding ring
DIALOGUE
Get a job! The world doesn’t owe you a living! Hey, wait a minute…I’m all mixed up here…
VERSE 3
You could hire me as your personal chef
I’ll have you munching every bite until there’s nothing left
Word of advice: don’t ask for clam chowder
Unless you’ve got hemorrhoid cream and baby powder
You’ve been on the toilet for over a week
The whole damn house is starting to reek
I guess I’m entitled to some hazard pay
As your shiny red asshole rots and decays
DIALOGUE
That does it, boy! Your ass is fired! Why?! Because no one wants to work anymore! Hey, wait a minute…damn it, I got all mixed up again!
Tip? I’ve got a tip for you. Get a real job! Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk!
VERSE 1
You could hire me as your manicurist
To do the job right, I need to bind your wrists
Paint a nice blue coat over them fingertips
Stop itching your hands, that shit’s gonna rip
Except it wasn’t nail polish, not a single drop
It’s hydrofluoric acid, watch them bubbles pop
Look at your hands! They’re good as new
About as new as my diploma mill degree, dude
DIALOGUE
The best kind of social program is spelled J-O-B! Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk!
VERSE 2
You could hire me as your wife’s foot masseur
That could have been your role, but I’m much cuter
She can have a few glasses of red wine first
Wouldn’t want her to pass out from all the thirst
Put on some Michael Bolton and squirt some oil
Make her soles nice and soft, make her toes coil
She loves the feeling and it’s making her sing
And just like that, she lost her wedding ring
DIALOGUE
Get a job! The world doesn’t owe you a living! Hey, wait a minute…I’m all mixed up here…
VERSE 3
You could hire me as your personal chef
I’ll have you munching every bite until there’s nothing left
Word of advice: don’t ask for clam chowder
Unless you’ve got hemorrhoid cream and baby powder
You’ve been on the toilet for over a week
The whole damn house is starting to reek
I guess I’m entitled to some hazard pay
As your shiny red asshole rots and decays
DIALOGUE
That does it, boy! Your ass is fired! Why?! Because no one wants to work anymore! Hey, wait a minute…damn it, I got all mixed up again!
July 31, 2024
Love Is Blue
VERSE 1
Love is blue and so are your balls
You blew up her phone with late night calls
Pistol in your pocket, gun is in your jock
Boots on your feet, kick down doors with locks
“Where is she hiding? Who is she riding?”
That’s what you say, repeat it throughout the day
“Close your pretty eyes, I’ll give you a kiss”
It’s a kiss goodbye, because you never ever miss
VERSE 2
Love is blue and your ballcap is red
A true American until the day you’re dead
That day will come soon if you’re not careful
You push against progress, it’s at your own peril
Spit the word thug until your face is like your hat
Rosy red cheeks, it’s as simple as that
Try not to pop a vessel in your one brain cell
You think Jesus is waiting, but you’re down in hell
VERSE 3
Love is blue and your pills are black
Sell yourself to chicks like you’re money in the sack
They don’t swipe right, but you vote in that direction
Because the word no has deflated your erection
Which yoga studio do you want to shoot up?
They’re all easy pickings, shooting fish in a cup
The world will know your name and never forget it
Until the admins crack down on 4Chan and Reddit
VERSE 4
Love is blue and it’s no other color
You’re held in her arms like a baby with a mother
She strokes your hair in this moment you share
But it’s all a male fantasy, you’re so unaware
Women don’t owe you a goddamn thing
You’re lower than concrete, you think you’re the king
It didn’t have to be this way one iota
But you’ve got a colder heart than snow in Minnesota
Love is blue and so are your balls
You blew up her phone with late night calls
Pistol in your pocket, gun is in your jock
Boots on your feet, kick down doors with locks
“Where is she hiding? Who is she riding?”
That’s what you say, repeat it throughout the day
“Close your pretty eyes, I’ll give you a kiss”
It’s a kiss goodbye, because you never ever miss
VERSE 2
Love is blue and your ballcap is red
A true American until the day you’re dead
That day will come soon if you’re not careful
You push against progress, it’s at your own peril
Spit the word thug until your face is like your hat
Rosy red cheeks, it’s as simple as that
Try not to pop a vessel in your one brain cell
You think Jesus is waiting, but you’re down in hell
VERSE 3
Love is blue and your pills are black
Sell yourself to chicks like you’re money in the sack
They don’t swipe right, but you vote in that direction
Because the word no has deflated your erection
Which yoga studio do you want to shoot up?
They’re all easy pickings, shooting fish in a cup
The world will know your name and never forget it
Until the admins crack down on 4Chan and Reddit
VERSE 4
Love is blue and it’s no other color
You’re held in her arms like a baby with a mother
She strokes your hair in this moment you share
But it’s all a male fantasy, you’re so unaware
Women don’t owe you a goddamn thing
You’re lower than concrete, you think you’re the king
It didn’t have to be this way one iota
But you’ve got a colder heart than snow in Minnesota
Chest Milk
(In the style of “I’m Too Sexy” by Right Said Fred)
VERSE 1
He’s a right-wing billionaire
And he just doesn’t care
If he stinks up your air
He’s a red-pilled alpha male
Who never goes to jail
SA victims were failed
And he deadnamed his own daughter
And led her to the slaughter
While his mistress broke her water
CHORUS
He’s a model and he wants his bottle
But not whiskey or beer, just some chest milk
He wants some chest milk
He wants some chest milk, yeah
He’s sad because I didn’t call it breast milk
VERSE 2
He’s a funny, funny guy
Who wants to make them cry
When they’re bored, he asks, “Why, oh, why?!”
And he drives a cyber truck
And he don’t give a fuck
‘Cause he’s gotten by on luck
CHORUS
He’s a model and he wants his bottle
But not whiskey or beer, just some chest milk
He wants some chest milk
He wants some chest milk, yeah
He’s sad because I didn’t call it breast milk
VERSE 3
And he outlawed the word cis
And his fans gave him a kiss
On the organ that goes “piss”
CHORUS
He’s a model and he wants his bottle
But not whiskey or beer, just some chest milk
He wants some chest milk
He wants some chest milk, yeah
He’s sad because I didn’t call it breast milk
VERSE 4
And he bought the birdie app
And it’s a piece of crap
‘Cause it’s for slurs and faps
He, he bought the birdie app
A rage-a-holic trap
For those about to snap
Swipe left, not worth a single tap
VERSE 1
He’s a right-wing billionaire
And he just doesn’t care
If he stinks up your air
He’s a red-pilled alpha male
Who never goes to jail
SA victims were failed
And he deadnamed his own daughter
And led her to the slaughter
While his mistress broke her water
CHORUS
He’s a model and he wants his bottle
But not whiskey or beer, just some chest milk
He wants some chest milk
He wants some chest milk, yeah
He’s sad because I didn’t call it breast milk
VERSE 2
He’s a funny, funny guy
Who wants to make them cry
When they’re bored, he asks, “Why, oh, why?!”
And he drives a cyber truck
And he don’t give a fuck
‘Cause he’s gotten by on luck
CHORUS
He’s a model and he wants his bottle
But not whiskey or beer, just some chest milk
He wants some chest milk
He wants some chest milk, yeah
He’s sad because I didn’t call it breast milk
VERSE 3
And he outlawed the word cis
And his fans gave him a kiss
On the organ that goes “piss”
CHORUS
He’s a model and he wants his bottle
But not whiskey or beer, just some chest milk
He wants some chest milk
He wants some chest milk, yeah
He’s sad because I didn’t call it breast milk
VERSE 4
And he bought the birdie app
And it’s a piece of crap
‘Cause it’s for slurs and faps
He, he bought the birdie app
A rage-a-holic trap
For those about to snap
Swipe left, not worth a single tap
July 13, 2024
You're Too Old to Rule the World
CHORUS
Of course you never wanted to improve society
Never been so stressed that you questioned sobriety
Got sick at others’ happiness, you had to hurl
You’re too old to rule the world!
VERSE 1
You shit on my youth, yet every woman is your mother
Kick your kids out the door, yet you want to be smothered
The room in your nursing home is like a prison cell
Because the family you fucked wishes you were in hell
CHORUS
Of course you never wanted to improve society
Never been so stressed that you questioned sobriety
Got sick at others’ happiness, you had to hurl
You’re too old to rule the world!
VERSE 2
The world is a different place than centuries ago
If you studied history, then you already know
That we can’t go back to the days of torture
The only personality traits were following orders
You yearn for the past, because you would have thrived
In a country where the have-nots could be unalived
For looking at you funny or saying hi to your honey
For even dreaming of the days of disposable money
CHORUS
Of course you never wanted to improve society
Never been so stressed that you questioned sobriety
Got sick at others’ happiness, you had to hurl
You’re too old to rule the world!
BRIDGE
It was never about gray hair or sagging tits and skin
It was about all the good shit you considered a sin
If someone smiles too much or gets the love bug
You choke the life out of them with a grip so snug
You do it long enough and you become so smug
‘Cause bigotry and rage are more addictive than a drug
Get a little bit of power and you stomp on all the flowers
We’re keeping our bladders full for your final hour
OUTRO
You’re too old to rule the world!
Keep your country’s flag all furled!
You’re too old to fuck the young!
That’s why these lyrics must be sung!
Of course you never wanted to improve society
Never been so stressed that you questioned sobriety
Got sick at others’ happiness, you had to hurl
You’re too old to rule the world!
VERSE 1
You shit on my youth, yet every woman is your mother
Kick your kids out the door, yet you want to be smothered
The room in your nursing home is like a prison cell
Because the family you fucked wishes you were in hell
CHORUS
Of course you never wanted to improve society
Never been so stressed that you questioned sobriety
Got sick at others’ happiness, you had to hurl
You’re too old to rule the world!
VERSE 2
The world is a different place than centuries ago
If you studied history, then you already know
That we can’t go back to the days of torture
The only personality traits were following orders
You yearn for the past, because you would have thrived
In a country where the have-nots could be unalived
For looking at you funny or saying hi to your honey
For even dreaming of the days of disposable money
CHORUS
Of course you never wanted to improve society
Never been so stressed that you questioned sobriety
Got sick at others’ happiness, you had to hurl
You’re too old to rule the world!
BRIDGE
It was never about gray hair or sagging tits and skin
It was about all the good shit you considered a sin
If someone smiles too much or gets the love bug
You choke the life out of them with a grip so snug
You do it long enough and you become so smug
‘Cause bigotry and rage are more addictive than a drug
Get a little bit of power and you stomp on all the flowers
We’re keeping our bladders full for your final hour
OUTRO
You’re too old to rule the world!
Keep your country’s flag all furled!
You’re too old to fuck the young!
That’s why these lyrics must be sung!
July 3, 2024
The One
VERSE 1
“Surf the internet in incognito mode?
You’re on your way to hell, a lonely road
Pray to god and take your ginkgo biloba
Stop drinking every bottle of diet soda”
Your medical advice must be so nice
For those on a diet of crackers of rice
You care so much if I’m seduced and enticed
By the ladies on the screen who bring the spice
PRE-CHORUS
Since you’re so emotionally invested
Here’s a little challenge so unexpected
CHORUS 1
Find me! The one who cares
Find me! The one who stares
At me with pretty eyes
Makes my spirit rise, destroys your lies
Find me! The one who cares
Find me! The one who shares
Her bed with me tonight
It’s a trick question, just admit I’m right
VERSE 2
“Yo, bro! Just swallow these red pills
Watch some UFC, get those bloody thrills
Don’t simp for nobody, go get yourself laid
It doesn’t count if your lover gets paid”
I’ve never seen so many SWERFS in one whole place
Who never gave a woman her own O-face
That’s okay, I haven’t done that myself
So I’m jerking it raw for my mental health
PRE-CHORUS
Since you’re so emotionally invested
Here’s a little challenge so unexpected
CHORUS 1
Find me! The one who cares
Find me! The one who stares
At me with pretty eyes
Makes my spirit rise, destroys your lies
Find me! The one who cares
Find me! The one who shares
Her bed with me tonight
It’s a trick question, just admit I’m right
VERSE 3
“Your computer’s slowing down, are you watching corn?
There must be other ways to keep your dick warm
Go touch some grass and then go get some ass
Here’s your invoice for the day, credit or cash?”
Five hundred bucks? Who’s got that kind of money?
I could have spent it in The Land of Milk and Honey
Oh wait, you’re one of them Elon Musk tech bros
Is that why you’ve got brown stains on your nose?
CHORUS 2
Oh well! It feels like no one cares
Oh well! It feels like no one wears
Every little hat I’ve got
You couldn’t walk in my shoes, couldn’t take my spot
Oh well! It feels like no one cares
Oh well! It feels so unfair
And now I sound just like a guy
With a microphone and a podcast, why?
“Surf the internet in incognito mode?
You’re on your way to hell, a lonely road
Pray to god and take your ginkgo biloba
Stop drinking every bottle of diet soda”
Your medical advice must be so nice
For those on a diet of crackers of rice
You care so much if I’m seduced and enticed
By the ladies on the screen who bring the spice
PRE-CHORUS
Since you’re so emotionally invested
Here’s a little challenge so unexpected
CHORUS 1
Find me! The one who cares
Find me! The one who stares
At me with pretty eyes
Makes my spirit rise, destroys your lies
Find me! The one who cares
Find me! The one who shares
Her bed with me tonight
It’s a trick question, just admit I’m right
VERSE 2
“Yo, bro! Just swallow these red pills
Watch some UFC, get those bloody thrills
Don’t simp for nobody, go get yourself laid
It doesn’t count if your lover gets paid”
I’ve never seen so many SWERFS in one whole place
Who never gave a woman her own O-face
That’s okay, I haven’t done that myself
So I’m jerking it raw for my mental health
PRE-CHORUS
Since you’re so emotionally invested
Here’s a little challenge so unexpected
CHORUS 1
Find me! The one who cares
Find me! The one who stares
At me with pretty eyes
Makes my spirit rise, destroys your lies
Find me! The one who cares
Find me! The one who shares
Her bed with me tonight
It’s a trick question, just admit I’m right
VERSE 3
“Your computer’s slowing down, are you watching corn?
There must be other ways to keep your dick warm
Go touch some grass and then go get some ass
Here’s your invoice for the day, credit or cash?”
Five hundred bucks? Who’s got that kind of money?
I could have spent it in The Land of Milk and Honey
Oh wait, you’re one of them Elon Musk tech bros
Is that why you’ve got brown stains on your nose?
CHORUS 2
Oh well! It feels like no one cares
Oh well! It feels like no one wears
Every little hat I’ve got
You couldn’t walk in my shoes, couldn’t take my spot
Oh well! It feels like no one cares
Oh well! It feels so unfair
And now I sound just like a guy
With a microphone and a podcast, why?
June 28, 2024
Gone
“Don’t fall in love with strangers on the internet
Even though their beauty is impossible to forget
There are real life girls who’d love to take you to bed”
It’s the world’s shortest line, because they’re all gone
“Don’t spend all your time watching You Tube clips
While you’re munching down on a bag of cheesy chips
There’s so much cinema, characters you want to ship”
There’s just one problem, the best of them are gone
“Stop laying in bed when there’s so much to create
Never mind that the discourse is covered in hate
You can counter it with love, why would you want to wait?”
I’ll tell you why: because the good ones are gone
“Mother Nature is the very best antidepressant
The cost is cheap for every working-class peasant
You can feed the squirrels, sing with the pheasants”
It’s too hot outside, because the ozone is gone
“Get yourself a car, show off your convertible
Get yourself a job, get paid to be serviceable
Buy all the shit you want, stack it high and vertical”
Where are all the good bosses? Oh wait, they’re gone
Just gone! Gone! Gone without a trace!
A shitshow of a world is what came in its place
I’ve never seen a broken spirit with a happy face
It’s camouflage for authenticity they want to erase
“Can’t we all just get along?” Fuck no, we can’t!
Not as long as we’re repeating the same racist chant
Not as long as the elite cuts us off at the knees
And brainwashes everyone with the greatest of ease
Gone! Gone! Gone without a trace!
Even though their beauty is impossible to forget
There are real life girls who’d love to take you to bed”
It’s the world’s shortest line, because they’re all gone
“Don’t spend all your time watching You Tube clips
While you’re munching down on a bag of cheesy chips
There’s so much cinema, characters you want to ship”
There’s just one problem, the best of them are gone
“Stop laying in bed when there’s so much to create
Never mind that the discourse is covered in hate
You can counter it with love, why would you want to wait?”
I’ll tell you why: because the good ones are gone
“Mother Nature is the very best antidepressant
The cost is cheap for every working-class peasant
You can feed the squirrels, sing with the pheasants”
It’s too hot outside, because the ozone is gone
“Get yourself a car, show off your convertible
Get yourself a job, get paid to be serviceable
Buy all the shit you want, stack it high and vertical”
Where are all the good bosses? Oh wait, they’re gone
Just gone! Gone! Gone without a trace!
A shitshow of a world is what came in its place
I’ve never seen a broken spirit with a happy face
It’s camouflage for authenticity they want to erase
“Can’t we all just get along?” Fuck no, we can’t!
Not as long as we’re repeating the same racist chant
Not as long as the elite cuts us off at the knees
And brainwashes everyone with the greatest of ease
Gone! Gone! Gone without a trace!
June 4, 2024
All You Want Is More
VERSE 1
It might be a shocker to those unaware
But not all my dark secrets are fit to air
On TV, radio, or the good old Tubes of You
In between advertisements of whiskey and brew
Did I really do that to an old classmate?
Did I joke about submissives like a sick reprobate?
Did I do it on the bird app that I won’t call X?
Do I got a one-track mind preoccupied with sex?
CHORUS 1
I gave you my pain and all you want is more
I gave you my tears and all you want is more
Ripped open old wounds and all you want is more
Deets and dates, all you want is more!
VERSE 2
I crucified myself for an audience of many
I did it all for free, didn’t earn a single penny
The riches and bitches are for the anchors at five
Trust me when I say, they won’t call me “unalive”
CHORUS 1
I gave you my pain and all you want is more
I gave you my tears and all you want is more
Ripped open old wounds and all you want is more
Deets and dates, all you want is more!
BRIDGE
The conversation has long since run its course
Yet it happens again and you’ve got no remorse
Let the words of the greedy die a bloody death
It’s nosy at worst, concern trolling at best
VERSE 3
None of you got nothing to be nervous about
I was never suicidal, shouldn’t be in doubt
Even if the whole world takes turns fucking me
I’m alive for it all even when I fucking bleed
No gulag on earth will break me down
No reeducation camp will knock off my crown
I’m the king of my life, the god of my mind
My body’s made of meat, but it’s an axe I grind
CHORUS 2
I’ll give you my fist, do you want some more?
I’ll give you my bullet, do you want some more?
I’ll give you my blade, do you want some more?
Dicks and tricks, I hope you’re ready for more!
It might be a shocker to those unaware
But not all my dark secrets are fit to air
On TV, radio, or the good old Tubes of You
In between advertisements of whiskey and brew
Did I really do that to an old classmate?
Did I joke about submissives like a sick reprobate?
Did I do it on the bird app that I won’t call X?
Do I got a one-track mind preoccupied with sex?
CHORUS 1
I gave you my pain and all you want is more
I gave you my tears and all you want is more
Ripped open old wounds and all you want is more
Deets and dates, all you want is more!
VERSE 2
I crucified myself for an audience of many
I did it all for free, didn’t earn a single penny
The riches and bitches are for the anchors at five
Trust me when I say, they won’t call me “unalive”
CHORUS 1
I gave you my pain and all you want is more
I gave you my tears and all you want is more
Ripped open old wounds and all you want is more
Deets and dates, all you want is more!
BRIDGE
The conversation has long since run its course
Yet it happens again and you’ve got no remorse
Let the words of the greedy die a bloody death
It’s nosy at worst, concern trolling at best
VERSE 3
None of you got nothing to be nervous about
I was never suicidal, shouldn’t be in doubt
Even if the whole world takes turns fucking me
I’m alive for it all even when I fucking bleed
No gulag on earth will break me down
No reeducation camp will knock off my crown
I’m the king of my life, the god of my mind
My body’s made of meat, but it’s an axe I grind
CHORUS 2
I’ll give you my fist, do you want some more?
I’ll give you my bullet, do you want some more?
I’ll give you my blade, do you want some more?
Dicks and tricks, I hope you’re ready for more!
May 28, 2024
Make a Wish on a Star
CHORUS
Make a wish on a star
For an unbreakable heart
For an indominable soul
An irreplaceable role
Make a wish on a star
Leave things better than they are
Smash the Status Quo
Until utopia’s all we know
VERSE 1
If wishes were fishes, the world would be an ocean
Masturbatory fantasies, the river’s made of lotion
Problems don’t just go away because of magic spells
Not one person in this life can save the world by themself
There’s strength in numbers, especially in bank accounts
Abusing all the power for an even larger amount
No one has the energy and no one has the solution
We’re stuck in our depression and worldwide pollution
CHORUS
Make a wish on a star
For an unbreakable heart
For an indominable soul
An irreplaceable role
Make a wish on a star
Leave things better than they are
Smash the Status Quo
Until utopia’s all we know
VERSE 2
We march until our shoes are worn and torn to shreds
And then we wake up in a metal prison bed
Or a hospital with one hand cuffed to the rail
It was like this all along, we were set up to fail
CHORUS
Make a wish on a star
For an unbreakable heart
For an indominable soul
An irreplaceable role
Make a wish on a star
Leave things better than they are
Smash the Status Quo
Until utopia’s all we know
BRIDGE
The only star worth wishing on is one that will crash
On corporate buildings, capitols, smash them into trash
Yachts and private jets, no, we’re not done just yet
From the river to the sea is a promise, not a threat
OUTRO
Make a wish on a star!
Make a wish on a star!
Make a wish on a star!
Let’s take shit too far!
Make a wish on a star
For an unbreakable heart
For an indominable soul
An irreplaceable role
Make a wish on a star
Leave things better than they are
Smash the Status Quo
Until utopia’s all we know
VERSE 1
If wishes were fishes, the world would be an ocean
Masturbatory fantasies, the river’s made of lotion
Problems don’t just go away because of magic spells
Not one person in this life can save the world by themself
There’s strength in numbers, especially in bank accounts
Abusing all the power for an even larger amount
No one has the energy and no one has the solution
We’re stuck in our depression and worldwide pollution
CHORUS
Make a wish on a star
For an unbreakable heart
For an indominable soul
An irreplaceable role
Make a wish on a star
Leave things better than they are
Smash the Status Quo
Until utopia’s all we know
VERSE 2
We march until our shoes are worn and torn to shreds
And then we wake up in a metal prison bed
Or a hospital with one hand cuffed to the rail
It was like this all along, we were set up to fail
CHORUS
Make a wish on a star
For an unbreakable heart
For an indominable soul
An irreplaceable role
Make a wish on a star
Leave things better than they are
Smash the Status Quo
Until utopia’s all we know
BRIDGE
The only star worth wishing on is one that will crash
On corporate buildings, capitols, smash them into trash
Yachts and private jets, no, we’re not done just yet
From the river to the sea is a promise, not a threat
OUTRO
Make a wish on a star!
Make a wish on a star!
Make a wish on a star!
Let’s take shit too far!
May 20, 2024
One Million Murderers
VERSE 1
Some people kill for a living
It’s the only contribution they’re giving
Some people kill because it’s fun
To call transgender daughters sons
Some people kill for their belief
That the world is populated by thieves
Some people kill with their words
The most racist shit you’ve ever heard
CHORUS
What’s the difference between trolls and serial killers?
Nothing! Nothing!
What’s the difference between Red and Black Pillers?
Not a goddamn thing!
What’s the difference between a bigot and a bully?
Not a whole lot that I can see!
What’s the difference when everybody’s hurting her?
All I see is one million murderers!
VERSE 2
Keyboard Kung Fu isn’t a real martial art
But with a gun in your hand, it’s not a bad start
A You Tube hit piece isn’t cinematic heaven
You did no research, what are you, in grade seven?
Pizza Bombing never leveled Hiroshima
You’re just a walking disaster, someone call FEMA
A birth certificate isn’t a flag worth flying
Instead of doxing, try boxing, fists up, stop crying
CHORUS
What’s the difference between trolls and serial killers?
Nothing! Nothing!
What’s the difference between Red and Black Pillers?
Not a goddamn thing!
What’s the difference between a bigot and a bully?
Not a whole lot that I can see!
What’s the difference when everybody’s hurting her?
All I see is one million murderers!
BRIDGE
Lez-be honest, you fell in love with her
Masturbation fantasies were all a blur
You want her to blow, but she said no
Pull the trigger, dick gets bigger, and then call her a ho
CHORUS
What’s the difference between trolls and serial killers?
Nothing! Nothing!
What’s the difference between Red and Black Pillers?
Not a goddamn thing!
What’s the difference between a bigot and a bully?
Not a whole lot that I can see!
What’s the difference when everybody’s hurting her?
All I see is one million murderers!
Some people kill for a living
It’s the only contribution they’re giving
Some people kill because it’s fun
To call transgender daughters sons
Some people kill for their belief
That the world is populated by thieves
Some people kill with their words
The most racist shit you’ve ever heard
CHORUS
What’s the difference between trolls and serial killers?
Nothing! Nothing!
What’s the difference between Red and Black Pillers?
Not a goddamn thing!
What’s the difference between a bigot and a bully?
Not a whole lot that I can see!
What’s the difference when everybody’s hurting her?
All I see is one million murderers!
VERSE 2
Keyboard Kung Fu isn’t a real martial art
But with a gun in your hand, it’s not a bad start
A You Tube hit piece isn’t cinematic heaven
You did no research, what are you, in grade seven?
Pizza Bombing never leveled Hiroshima
You’re just a walking disaster, someone call FEMA
A birth certificate isn’t a flag worth flying
Instead of doxing, try boxing, fists up, stop crying
CHORUS
What’s the difference between trolls and serial killers?
Nothing! Nothing!
What’s the difference between Red and Black Pillers?
Not a goddamn thing!
What’s the difference between a bigot and a bully?
Not a whole lot that I can see!
What’s the difference when everybody’s hurting her?
All I see is one million murderers!
BRIDGE
Lez-be honest, you fell in love with her
Masturbation fantasies were all a blur
You want her to blow, but she said no
Pull the trigger, dick gets bigger, and then call her a ho
CHORUS
What’s the difference between trolls and serial killers?
Nothing! Nothing!
What’s the difference between Red and Black Pillers?
Not a goddamn thing!
What’s the difference between a bigot and a bully?
Not a whole lot that I can see!
What’s the difference when everybody’s hurting her?
All I see is one million murderers!
May 16, 2024
Dump and Dip
VERSE 1
My mom’s ex-boyfriend was a son of a bitch
Gave me lots of mental wounds, ripped open every stitch
Fatphobia and psychophobia
Any flavor of bigotry, the worst and the odious
Never mind the fact that he weighed more than me
And he’s got his own version of PTSD
The cycle of abuse passed the Boomer generation
The chain breaks here, I deserved the vacation
CHORUS
Got no time to process, keep your handsome proboscis
Out of my business, ‘cause you bear false witness
Won’t spend a single day in Sad People Jail
A.k.a. the psych ward, that’s where justice goes to fail
VERSE 2
When I was in prison a.k.a. high school
Those conservative batshits were so easy to fool
Spread a rumor about me dating a monster
Fuck anything that walks, I’m a sexual imposter
That shit wasn’t true and I screamed it ‘til I’m blue
Punching and kicking was the only thing to do
That’s where I learned to solve problems with violence
But since it’s illegal, I’m confined to my silence
CHORUS
Got no time to process, keep your handsome proboscis
Out of my business, ‘cause you bear false witness
Won’t spend a single day in Sad People Jail
A.k.a. the psych ward, that’s where justice goes to fail
VERSE 3
College was the time for partying and drugs
Limerence was my addiction, falsified hugs
Crushes on musicians and actresses
Took the place of real life, ‘cause I drew no attractions
A million pounds and a resting bitch face
Made me a pariah no matter what the place
No friends, no lovers, no teachers turned besties
Still limerent today, in my mind and in my testies
CHORUS
Got no time to process, keep your handsome proboscis
Out of my business, ‘cause you bear false witness
Won’t spend a single day in Sad People Jail
A.k.a. the psych ward, that’s where justice goes to fail
VERSE 4
I call it Dump and Dip because I don’t like to talk
About personal shit, got no choice but to walk
Can’t let them see my cry or overprotect me
No nurses for me, don’t even bother to inject me
With the world’s most powerful sedative juice
That could TKO a whale, double KO a moose
My freedom means more than an orderly’s pay
My individuality is here to fucking stay
CHORUS
Got no time to process, keep your handsome proboscis
Out of my business, ‘cause you bear false witness
Won’t spend a single day in Sad People Jail
A.k.a. the psych ward, that’s where justice goes to fail
My mom’s ex-boyfriend was a son of a bitch
Gave me lots of mental wounds, ripped open every stitch
Fatphobia and psychophobia
Any flavor of bigotry, the worst and the odious
Never mind the fact that he weighed more than me
And he’s got his own version of PTSD
The cycle of abuse passed the Boomer generation
The chain breaks here, I deserved the vacation
CHORUS
Got no time to process, keep your handsome proboscis
Out of my business, ‘cause you bear false witness
Won’t spend a single day in Sad People Jail
A.k.a. the psych ward, that’s where justice goes to fail
VERSE 2
When I was in prison a.k.a. high school
Those conservative batshits were so easy to fool
Spread a rumor about me dating a monster
Fuck anything that walks, I’m a sexual imposter
That shit wasn’t true and I screamed it ‘til I’m blue
Punching and kicking was the only thing to do
That’s where I learned to solve problems with violence
But since it’s illegal, I’m confined to my silence
CHORUS
Got no time to process, keep your handsome proboscis
Out of my business, ‘cause you bear false witness
Won’t spend a single day in Sad People Jail
A.k.a. the psych ward, that’s where justice goes to fail
VERSE 3
College was the time for partying and drugs
Limerence was my addiction, falsified hugs
Crushes on musicians and actresses
Took the place of real life, ‘cause I drew no attractions
A million pounds and a resting bitch face
Made me a pariah no matter what the place
No friends, no lovers, no teachers turned besties
Still limerent today, in my mind and in my testies
CHORUS
Got no time to process, keep your handsome proboscis
Out of my business, ‘cause you bear false witness
Won’t spend a single day in Sad People Jail
A.k.a. the psych ward, that’s where justice goes to fail
VERSE 4
I call it Dump and Dip because I don’t like to talk
About personal shit, got no choice but to walk
Can’t let them see my cry or overprotect me
No nurses for me, don’t even bother to inject me
With the world’s most powerful sedative juice
That could TKO a whale, double KO a moose
My freedom means more than an orderly’s pay
My individuality is here to fucking stay
CHORUS
Got no time to process, keep your handsome proboscis
Out of my business, ‘cause you bear false witness
Won’t spend a single day in Sad People Jail
A.k.a. the psych ward, that’s where justice goes to fail
