M.J. Blehart's Blog, page 68

Family Has Multiple Definitions

Family isn’t necessarily blood and can be a source of tremendous positivity.

You were born into a specific family. If you are anything like me, they have some interesting quirks, foibles, and other oddities about them. As you grew up, you may have grown closer…or further apart.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my family. For the most part, however, they’d don’t get me. I have taken many paths over the years that have confused and confounded them. My life, my choice…but part of the nature of the love of family is striving for acceptance, even when understanding lacks.

When I was 19 I was introduced to the Society for Creative Anachronism (SCA), a worldwide medieval reenactment organization. If you are unfamiliar with the SCA, think Renaissance Faire, minus fantasy elements. Further, rather than putting on performances all the participants are in it for their own entertainments.

Through the SCA, I have met amazing people. I have made many friends all across the world. The community that this organization can be, at its best, is incredibly supportive. For example, if I were to travel across the country, I could probably find someone to crash with in almost every state.

From this experience, I have gained more than just friends. Many of those I have come to know over the years have actually become family. We get together outside of SCA events, enjoy each other’s company, rely on one another for comfort, understanding, and everything else family can provide.

Unlike the family of my birth, these people, the family of my heart, get me.

Family is all about acceptance and understanding

As a child, you looked to your family for acceptance and understanding. These were the people you knew you could trust to be there for you, to support you, and accept you for you.

That may not have changed as you grew up. Maybe your family continues to fully support you and your decisions. However, it’s entirely possible that your family, though they still love you and accept you (I hope), would prefer a more ideal you, based on their biases.

This is part of human nature. You meet someone in a certain time and place, and that is the first impression of that person. Over time, as you get to know them better, it shifts, but still settles to a “knowing” of that person. So if they change, you have to make a choice.

Do the changes you see in a given person improve them, or lessen them in your estimation? This is completely a judgment call on your part and may go totally unvoiced. It tends to be pretty subconscious. Your perception of reality is entirely based on your experience, environment, education, and numerous other factors – and as such will color your impression of the people in your life.

Your blood family knows you all your life. As such, they see you change as you move through the phases of your life. While (hopefully) they still love you, and always will, they may not get you anymore. I think this may be the very definition of the phrase “familiarity breeds contempt.”

The family that you choose, however, accepts you as much as you accept them. They are a source of comfort, and offer support, at least generally, from a similar shared base community. You understand one another, and that makes you feel good.

You are worthy and deserving of support and encouragement

It is important to recognize that the family you were born into and your chosen family can totally coexist.

Love is the ultimate expression of abundance. So having a loving family of blood and another of community is enormously positive. These are both excellent sources of encouragement, support, understanding, acceptance, and all the other aspects of human connectivity you could need.

I am deeply grateful for all of my family, both blood and chosen. Thank you for being a part of my life, and making it amazing.

Finding positivity isn’t hard, but it does require action

Knowing that family is an incredible source for positivity you can take comfort in your tribes, whatever form that takes for you. When you recognize how powerful the love from family is, whether blood or chosen, you can use the positivity from this to be the best you that you can be, which ultimately empowers you. When you feel empowered, your mindfulness increases, you become more aware overall, and that tends to spread that to others around you.

As such, you can build more positive feelings and discover more things to feel positivity and gratitude for.

Gratitude leads to happiness. Happiness is the ultimate positive attitude. An attitude of gratitude is an attitude of positivity that begets even more good energies – and that, like you, is always worthwhile.

 

This is the two-hundred and eighty-second entry of my Positivity series.  It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone.  Feel free to share, re-blog and spread the positivity.

Please take a moment to sign up for my new-and-improved newsletter.  Fill in the info and click the submit button below and receive a free eBook.

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The post Family Has Multiple Definitions appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

Who Are You Trying to Impress?

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Who are you trying to impress?

You may find the answer to this enlightening.

I have spent a great deal of my life working to live up to the expectations of others. Some of this has been in my real day-to-day life, while some has been in my hobby life.

In either case, the notion that I needed to impress person ‘x’ or group ‘y’ would dominate my thoughts, feelings, and actions. So I would do things in order to live up to expectations of me and gain acceptance or accolades or some other goal.

The trouble that comes of this, however, is once you start down this sort of path, it can be very difficult to reclaim it for yourself.

What does that mean? The only person you need to impress, when all is said and done, is you.

Yes, I can’t deny that there are benefits to making a good impression on people. You gain friends, allies, confidants, and trust and (hopefully) respect you can use to assist your ongoing processes. However, if you solely rely on these outside forces for validation, you can and will lose yourself along the way.

The consequence of losing yourself is that you can lose your way, and in trying to impress others you may no longer be doing what actually you need and desire for yourself.

Expectations can be inflated

When you’re working to impress others, much of this is based on your interpretation of what it is you believe they expect from you. This can get pretty convoluted because how much you can see into another person’s perception is extremely limited.

In other words, you can’t know what anyone else really expects of you.

The only person you can be mindful of is yourself. This is because you are the only one living inside your head. You are the only one with the thoughts and feelings that you have. You can get an impression of what another person thinks of you, but it’s a mere impression that will be colored by your own perceptions.

What this means is that what you may believe someone else expects of you can get inflated.

In my hobby life, well over a decade ago, I wanted to be recognized by the other fencers in the community. I love medieval fencing on a lot of different levels. It became important to me that I get recognized for my skill in rapier combat…but I began to make myself crazy trying to live up to the expectations of others.

It felt like nothing I did would be good enough. This started to suck the joy out of my game. But then I found an instructor who taught me new skills, and these, in turn, improved both my own abilities and how much effort I was putting into trying to impress expectations of others I couldn’t fully know.

In time, I got the recognition I was seeking. Today, there is a new level of recognition in my hobby life, and while once again I risk going crazy trying to meet the expectations of others, I know that this is not as important as impressing myself.

You can’t know what it takes to impress others

I still deeply love medieval fencing. To the point that expressing how much I love this game, and what it has done for my balance, eye-hand coordination, reaction time, and more is beyond words.

So here’s the thing – I am not built in any way, shape, or form, like a stereotypical fencer. Further, due to past injuries, I am made partially out of titanium. Yet I can move in ways unexpected from someone built like me (short and stocky covers this more-or-less), and I tend to be one of the first to get on the floor at practice, as well as one of the last (endurance is a thing).

Why am I sharing all this? This is not about me impressing you in any way (though it might appear as such). I am sharing this because I am impressed with myself. Despite a less-than-stellar beginning to my fencing career over 25 years ago, I am still competent, and deeply in love with the game.

Fencing is not something I do to impress others. This is something I do because I love it, and I am impressed with myself for my abilities.

In all probability, you likely have something you do, or love to do, which makes you happy like fencing makes me happy. When you do that thing, whatever it is, you don’t do it to impress anyone else – you impress yourself with it.

This is not egotistical, nor selfish, nor narcissistic, nor in any other way negative. The ability to see yourself in an impressive way is useful because you can’t know what impresses anyone else.

Impressing yourself isn’t selfish

It can feel like just about anything that you do for yourself is selfish. Or, if not actually selfish, comes across as selfish. But the truth of selfishness is borne in intent.

A selfish act is intentional. For example, say you have a tasty pie. Rather than sharing slices of pie with others, you keep it all to yourself. And then you eat it in front of them. THAT is selfishness.

Self-care is not selfish. In fact, through self-care, you give yourself the ability to see who you really are, and what you truly need.

How you impress anyone else is beyond your ability to recognize. This is because you can’t get inside anyone else’s head. What it takes to impress them will be based solely on their life experiences, biases, prejudices, knowledge, beliefs, and other matters known only to them.

So why do you and I work so damned hard to impress others? Because you and I tend to believe the impression we make on others runs far deeper than it does.

That’s not to say being a good person and doing good things doesn’t matter. Of course, it matters. Nobody (generally) seeks to make a bad impression on anyone else. But making an impression is largely superficial, whereas working to impress someone goes much more in depth.

Be the best you that you can be

In the end, all you can do to impress anyone else is to be the best you that you can be. That means you need to work on impressing yourself. Living up to the expectations of others is a trap because all you will ever know is the visible aspect of that expectation and not the underlying reality of it.

Everyone is only inside their own heads. No matter how hard you try to get into another’s psyche, you can’t get in too deep. The influence you have towards anyone else is limited by how much influence they accept and take in. You have no control over anyone else and their actions, expectations, or impressions.

When you stop working to impress other people, you can focus on being the best you that you can be. You are worthy and deserving of making this work. Don’t be afraid of failing to live up to anyone else’s expectations – the only person you need to impress, truly, is yourself.

The next time you find yourself trying to impress someone else, be mindful of why. What are you looking to gain from this? Will this make you a better you, or draw you further away from being your truest self?

Who are you trying to impress?

This is the three-hundred ninetieth entry in my series. These weekly posts are ideas for, and my personal experiences with, walking along the path of life to consciously create reality.  I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world along the way and empower myself and my readers with conscious reality creation.

Thank you for joining me.  Feel free to re-blog and share this.

The first year of Pathwalking, including some expanded ideas, is available here.

Please take a moment to subscribe to my mailing list.  Fill in the info and click the submit button below and receive your free eBook.  Thank you!

Name *FirstLastEmail *MessageSubmit

The post Who Are You Trying to Impress? appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

The Big Picture Can Be a Trap

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The distraction of big picture matters takes away from how the little things can be hugely positive.

It is all too easy to neglect the little things in this world that make you feel positive. Especially when so many bigger picture issues will totally produce the opposite effect.

Every day you are bombarded by fear, lack, and scarcity across social media, the news, and even among friends and family. Whenever someone posts about concerns for a coming lousy week, or issues with other people, or another really Monday Monday, it feeds the beast of negativity.

These tend to be big-picture matters. It is a major trap to get caught up in big-picture matters. Why? because, for the most part, you have little to no direct influence nor control over them.

This is why the little things are so huge.

What do I mean by the little things? Moments of positivity, like when someone holds the door for you; being thanked for something; someone letting you merge into the lane on the road; the purr of a cat or the wag of a dog’s tail; receiving a compliment; and so on.

These seemingly minute everyday occurrences can carry far more weight and power than you may realize. While you may encounter a single, seemingly insurmountable big-picture issue, you will likely encounter many little positive things in your day.

Quantity of positive things is quality. Or rather, it can be, when you recognize it for that potential to improve your mood, your thoughts, feelings, actions, and overall life experiences.

This may seem like a somewhat Pollyanna approach, but you have to ask yourself, how would you prefer to feel today? This is something frequently neglected which can impact your entire life experience.

The Big Picture changes

It is understandable that you might want to be in the know about the goings on in the world around you, happenings in the lives of friends and family, and other matters that, at least sideways, will impact YOUR life. However, if you fall into the trap of allowing those things to make you feel negative, replacing negativity with positivity can be challenging.

So how do you work with the little things to build up positivity? Mindfulness.

Being aware of what you are thinking, how and what you are feeling, and being conscious of the impact that has on your emotions and actions opens you to influence and better control them. You have so much more power than you may realize. In those many little things that happen every day, you can draw positivity to yourself.

The big picture will change from day to day rather drastically. Ever notice how much less negativity you encounter from friends and family on the weekend? Sure, world news and events are ongoing, but giving it all of your focus and attention will exhaust you mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and more.

Giving your attention to the little things and daily occurrences that generate positivity, even for only a moment, can have a cumulative effect. The higher quantity of little positive things can build up into greater overall positivity. When you feel more positive, and become mindful of this, you can make a lot of improvements in any given day, and your overall life experience.

Give it a try. Focus your attention on those little moments that occur all day, and see how numerous small kindnesses and empathy can be empowering. What have you got to lose but the expectation of a less-than-desirable day and/or experience?

Positivity can be found in little actions received and given all day

Finding positivity isn’t hard, but it does require action.

Knowing that the big picture tends to skew negatively, but you will encounter little things of positivity all day, you can give them more attention. When you shift your focus to those little things and see how both giving and receiving them makes you feel better, this ultimately empowers you. When you feel empowered, your mindfulness increases and you become more aware overall and tend to spread that to others around you.

As such, you can build more positive feelings and discover more things to feel positivity and gratitude for.

Gratitude leads to happiness. Happiness is the ultimate positive attitude. An attitude of gratitude is an attitude of positivity that begets even more good energies – and that, like you, is always worthwhile.

This is the two-hundred and eighty-first entry of my Positivity series.  It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone.  Feel free to share, re-blog and spread the positivity.

Please take a moment to sign up for my new-and-improved newsletter.  Fill in the info and click the submit button below and receive a free eBook.

Name *FirstLastEmail *MessageSubmit

The post The Big Picture Can Be a Trap appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

What Control Do You Have?

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You can take control by giving up control.

One of the most dominant messages of society is control.

There are any number of examples of this you can look to. Control over immigration; shifting control of industries away from federal regulations; controlling the media to be more favorable to one opinion or the other. Everywhere you look, there are attempts at assuming, creating, destroying, or otherwise shifting control.

These can be overwhelming. Most likely, the impact they will have on you is peripheral. That’s not to say that deregulation of certain industries allowing for more pollution and toxic waste isn’t a problem. But you have very little that you can do to effect this.

What’s more, there are numerous people whom you get to see abuse their power by trying to control this, that, or the other thing. Whether it’s a woman’s body or a transgendered person’s identity, some jerk is trying to control the behaviors, actions, and life of others.

Again, you can only do so much when it comes to having an impact on this. Write the letters, blogs, and emails; make the calls; attend the protests; damn well vote in the elections.

There is only one person over whom you can exert any control whatsoever. You.

Any control you have is limited

Here’s where this gets more complicated. When you recognize that the only person over whom you have any control is you yourself, there are still limitations to what that means. For some people, this can be a bitter pill to swallow, because they demand control over everything they believe they should be capable of controlling.

Realistically, the list of what you can control isn’t very long. All of it is about you.

These are the things you can control:

Your appearance
Where you live
What you do
How you act
What you think about
How you think
What you think
How you treat other people
The actions you choose to take

There might be a few more, but you get the idea. Everything within your control, even to the slightest degree, is entirely about you.

Many of the things over which you might desire to exert some control over, you can’t. Primarily, these include the thoughts, feelings, and actions of other people; the environment; the passage of time.

Even when it comes to the things which you have some control over, often it’s not so much about control as it is about influence.

How this works

Yes, you are the only one inside your head thinking and feeling the things you think and feel. However, other, outside influences will impact this. For example, suppose a friend betrays you, steals the credit for something you have done, and receives the accolades in your stead therein.

Does the very idea of this upset you? You feel betrayed, angry, hurt, frustrated, enraged, and the how of that feeling is going to manifest in some way or other. As you think about the betrayal, other thoughts about other betrayals of the past or potential betrayals in the future might come about. Before you know it, you could be spiraling into an ever-increasing whirlpool of negativity.

Technically, you can regain control over your thoughts and feelings, in order to stop the downward spiral. Realistically, it’s not that easy. Since you are not an emotionless Vulcan, and feelings run deep, taking back control over your thoughts and feelings in this sort of situation is more about influence.

This is where mindfulness comes in. First, you need to become consciously aware of the thoughts and feelings you are having in the here-and-now, rather than letting this sink into your subconscious. When you become aware of this, you can begin the process of influencing the thoughts and feelings you hold by focusing on new ones.

You cannot just assume control over your mind and, like the flip a switch, change the setting. It’s simply not possible. Neither can you avoid a situation like this, because in being social creatures and having human contact, this sort of thing will happen, and bad experiences can and will occur.

What control is there?

The first thing to take into account is that you only can influence control over yourself. You cannot control anyone else and what they think, feel, or do. The second thing to take into account is that when it comes to things that impact your thinking and feeling, it’s a lot easier to deal with local, direct matters than indirect, far-flung issues.

Your sphere of influence is limited. Directly, it’s all about you. However, indirectly, you CAN influence those around you. But that is an ancillary matter when all is said and done.

When you come across as together, with it, confident, positive, hopeful, and other such impressions, this can influence people around you in a good way. It is important, however, to recognize that this is not a matter of putting on a mask or being in any way false for the sake of making an impression on anyone else. This is about being genuine, true to yourself, and asserting influence to gain control over the things you have any possibility of controlling. Namely, your way of thinking and feeling.

It is in this way that you can take control by giving up control. This means you work less on taking control over yourself and instead focus on influencing what you can. Recognizing that control is limited and fleeting, you can work to shift your perspective and strive for influence through mindfulness of yourself. Consciousness creates reality, but it does so via mindfulness of yourself.

If you are any kind of control freak, this can feel disingenuous to your self. But recognizing and working with this will actually make your life a lot more fulfilling and much less stressful in the process. That is empowering when all is said and done.

What do you desire to have influence over?

This is the three-hundred ninetieth entry in my series. These weekly posts are ideas for, and my personal experiences with, walking along the path of life to consciously create reality.  I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world along the way and empower myself and my readers with conscious reality creation.

Thank you for joining me.  Feel free to re-blog and share this.

The first year of Pathwalking, including some expanded ideas, is available here.

Please take a moment to subscribe to my mailing list.  Fill in the info and click the submit button below and receive your free eBook.  Thank you!

Name *FirstLastEmail *MessageSubmit

The post What Control Do You Have? appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

How does Gratitude Empower You?

This post contains affiliate banner links. For more info, see my disclosures.

 

Gratitude is an important aspect of positivity, abundance, and empowerment.

Why is gratitude so important? Because feeling thankful leads to feeling fulfilled. Fulfillment through gratitude empowers you. Feeling empowered opens you up to mindfulness, which in turn opens you up to conscious reality creation. When you can consciously create your reality, you can achieve dreams, goals, and aspirations. And when you feel fulfilled, that feeling of completeness allows you to manifest your desires.

Thank you are two of the most powerful words in the English language. They not only make the person to whom they are given feel appreciated, but they also open you up to more to be appreciative of. It’s important that we feel grateful and express gratitude frequently because gratitude reflects the abundant nature of the Universe.

Our fear-based society is largely built on lack and scarcity. There is not enough of this, that, or the other thing, and when it runs out entirely were are meant to be afraid that everyone will suffer. Yet most of what we fear is lacking and becoming scarce is not, or even if it is there’s an alternative or a replacement.

Whatever the case, the vast majority of the lack and scarcity presented to us is totally artificial or superficial.

We live in an abundant Universe. There is more than enough of this, that, and the other thing to go around, OR we can find or create something to replace it. For example, studies show that it is currently possible to generate more power from wind and solar than fossil fuels. Ergo, we’re not lacking in resources for power.

This is one example of the many ways our fears get used to disempower.

Being grateful more than saying Thank You

Expressing gratitude, not just saying it but feeling it, creates an overall sense of satisfaction. This puts you in a place of abundance, rather than a place of lack and scarcity. As such, when you are working on creating something new, or improving the life you already have, this has you doing so from abundance rather than lack.

Everything is energy. High-vibrational energy is more powerful and positive than low-vibrational energy. Lack, scarcity, and the fear associated with these is low-vibrational. Gratitude, abundance, and the satisfaction associated with these are high-vibrational. Positive. Thus, gratitude is tied directly into positivity.

Expressing gratitude on a regular basis tells the Universe that you appreciate what you already have. Showing this appreciation feels good, and feeling good opens you up to draw more things that will feel good. Like attracts like – this is the Law of Attraction in action.

Even if you feel that the whole Law of Attraction thing is bunk, doesn’t it feel better to be grateful and express that satisfaction than to be ungrateful and express that dissatisfaction? Does anyone really desire to feel unfulfilled and unhappy in their life?

Finally, gratitude is a two-way street. Not only does it open you to more abundance, satisfaction, and fulfillment, but it also opens up anyone you give it to to the same. A genuine thank you presented to another person is appreciation that appreciates.

Think that’s cliché? How do you feel when someone gives you their appreciation? Makes you desire to be appreciated more, doesn’t it?

Throughout your day, look for places where you can express gratitude. Say thank you frequently. Try it out. See how gratitude can draw in more good, make you feel more satisfied, and expose you to more positivity.

Thank you for reading this.

Sharing gratitude is not hard, but it does require action

Knowing that saying thank you expresses appreciation for the things you have, and impacts both yourself and anyone you give it to, this can be a tremendous tool for positivity.  When you show your gratitude for the people and things in your life, it opens you up to feeling more satisfaction with your life, which ultimately empowers you.  When you feel empowered, you become more aware and mindful, and tend to spread that feeling to others around you. As such, you can build more positive feelings and discover more things to feel grateful for.

You can use the positive feelings this generates to dissolve negative feelings. When you eradicate negative feelings, you open up space to let in more positive feelings, and that is something you can be grateful for.

Gratitude leads to happiness.  Happiness is the ultimate positive attitude.  An attitude of gratitude is an attitude of positivity that begets even more good energies – and that, like you, is always worthwhile.

This is the two-hundred and eightieth entry of my Positivity series.  It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone.  Feel free to share, re-blog and spread the positivity.

Please take a moment to sign up for my new-and-improved newsletter.  Fill in the info and click the submit button below and receive a free eBook.

Name *FirstLastEmail *EmailSubmit

The post How does Gratitude Empower You? appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

Working With the “Well-Meaning”

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What do you do when the “well-meaning” friend or loved one offers “helpful” advice and commentary?

If you are working on creating a unique, non-standard life experience for yourself, it has all sorts of pitfalls, trials, challenges, and obstacles along the way.

When this is your why, and you are striving to consciously create reality by choosing your own path in life, it can and will impact those around you. Friends and family, coworkers, even acquaintances may offer support or resistance along the way.

Some of this is super helpful. Other aspects of this don’t serve you at all. Some of this is borne of jealousy, distress, and the fears of whoever resists your intentional change.

The most difficult to deal with, however, and the most infuriating, is the often passive-aggressive, well-meaning “advice” you’ll be offered.

Don’t know what that is? It looks a lot like this: You’re starting a restaurant? That’s great! You do know, of course, that the restaurant business is super-hard to get into, and most fail, right? – OR – I couldn’t quit my job and start my own business, especially in this economy. I hope your family is really ok with you doing this, and that you have a contingency plan? – OR – I don’t want to discourage you, but…and so on and so forth.

When you have chosen to work with mindfulness in order to consciously create a new reality, it can and will draw people to judge, comment, and otherwise turn your dirt path into mud. Some of this is easy to ignore and work around – but what do you do when it’s someone you love?

Taking it on the chin

The first thing to do is to recognize that this is not malicious (at least, if this comes from a loved one or close friend, it’s hopefully not malicious). The person throwing a wet blanket over you really believes that they are working in your better interest.

Everyone has encountered this to a lesser or greater degree in their life. A teacher who told you that you were doing it wrong; a parent telling you NO because they were afraid for you; a friend backing out due to their own fears. These “well-meaning” moments on the part of others were likely a singular occurrence, and relatively speaking, minute.

When this is about your life, and choosing a direction and path all your own, this gets a lot bigger. If you are striving to create something new that goes against the “norm” or societal expectations, people tend to react.

When it’s a close friend or a loved one offering well-meaning advice or commentary, chances are this is coming from their own inability to see the end result, or possibly even the path itself, that you see. Their world view, based on their own innate perspective, may simply not allow them to see such, because it is so very far out of THEIR comfort zone.

So they warn you. They “advise” you. The friend or loved one offers you a glimpse at their own perspective, and quite possibly their own fears and worries because they themselves can’t conceive of this thing, whatever it is. This is why how you react to this when it happens – and it will – can make the difference between keeping your friend or loved one, and maintaining your own sanity.

Well-meaning may neglect intention

Chances are, if you are already going for it, and choosing something unique and against the grain for your life, there’s a lot of fear involved. When you recognize that reality is an illusion, and you are empowered via mindfulness to alter, influence, and even control your own personal reality, acting upon it is huge. Frequently it involves new actions you have never taken before, as well as breaking out of your comfort zone and other potentially distressing but exciting acts.

Because this is all about mindfulness, and working with your own awareness of what you are thinking and the ideas therein, as well as what and how you are feeling and intentional actions you choose to influence and take control over, only you can fully perceive it. The big picture is entirely built within your perception, and no matter how thoroughly you may lay it out for anyone else, they will see it from their own, personal perspective.

Nobody is inside your head but you. Conversely, you can’t get inside anyone else’s head.

Because of this limitation, that well-meaning person, from their own perspective and mindfulness (or lack thereof) of their reality, offers that passive-aggressive, unhelpful, and even sometimes hurtful, advice or wisdom. Either their intent is to warn you based on what they fear, or to offer you an alternative perspective they might believe you have not considered. It’s also possible they feel the need to play “Devil’s advocate” to help you.

They may not know the intent behind what they are doing, they just “feel” it’s something they must do.

How do you react to this without hurting them, telling them off, or feeling hurt yourself?

Mindfulness, reaction, and action

The biggest problem that can come from this, if you already have some doubts which you have overcome, is that this “well-meaning” assault can stir them. Don’t let this throw you off your path. Recognize it for what it is, take it in, analyze it, and then let it go. This can take a number of different forms, but the key is to not allow it to make you second-guess and rehash what you likely already have gone over.

So how do you react to this?  Here are a couple of suggestions, which can be used individually, or combined in some way or other.

Say “Thank You.” Offer thanks to the friend or loved one and their “well-meaning” commentary/statement/advice.
Explain yourself. This can be a trap, because it could spark an argument. If you choose to explain yourself, do so as generatively, and without argument, as you can. But know that this could spark a discussion or even a fight because the person who has given their “help” may be convinced they are right, and you cannot change that. Hence the better option may be:
Don’t engage. After you have said “Thank You” or made some other non-committal response to the “well-meaning” offering you received, walk away (literally and/or figuratively). This can go a long ways towards not upsetting anyone, both yourself and the friend or loved one.

There are other options, but these three are the most common. Just bear in mind, the “well-meaning” friend or loved one is (hopefully) not trying to hurt you, they think they are “helping.”

This also can inform you, in the future, whom you might be able to share change with more readily, and thus receive the kind of support you need.

What do you do with unhelpful commentary/advice/ideas/statements from “well-meaning” friends and loved ones?

This is the three-hundred eighty-ninth entry in my series. These weekly posts are ideas for, and my personal experiences with, walking along the path of life to consciously create reality.  I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world along the way and empower myself and my readers with conscious reality creation.

Thank you for joining me.  Feel free to re-blog and share this.

The first year of Pathwalking, including some expanded ideas, is available here.

Please take a moment to subscribe to my mailing list.  Fill in the info and click the submit button below and receive your free eBook.  Thank you!

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The post Working With the “Well-Meaning” appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

Positivity is an Attitude

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Positivity is an attitude

It goes way beyond thinking and feeling – this is a whole-self attitude.

For many years, the power of positive thinking has been hoisted towards the top of the self-help flagpole. While it can be very helpful to think positively, it isn’t always sustainable, because negative things can and will happen, and should not be disregarded. But positivity is not just a matter of thinking positive or feeling positive for that matter. Positivity is an attitude.

Mindfulness involves being aware of what you are thinking and what and how you are feeling. This can help you to consciously create your reality, and to recognize why you are where you are. It is in mindfulness where you can shift your whole attitude towards positivity.

What is an attitude? Dictionary.com defines it as: (noun) manner, disposition, feeling, position, etc., with regard to a person or thing; tendency or orientation, especially of the mind.

Orientation of the mind. When you become mindful, you become aware of your ideas/perceptions and emotions. One of the reasons this is desirable is because when you gain awareness of thoughts and feelings, you gain influence and control over them.

But it goes beyond that. Your mindfulness also grants you the ability to orient yourself and your overall approach to life, the Universe, and everything.

You probably know someone who lights up the room whenever they are around. They are always a force of nature, and people are naturally drawn to them. Conversely, you likely also know someone who darkens a room whenever they are around. They might also be a force of nature, but it’s like they’re always under a black cloud, and everything is a trial and/or tribulation. Both of these are examples of attitude.

There are multiple attitudes that fall under positivity.

An attitude of gratitude/an attitude of confidence

Another word for attitude is approach. This is all about how you orient your thought processes. For example, you approach a given situation from a place of can’t, impossible, and problematic – or – a place of can, possibility, and potential. That is what an attitude is all about. How do you approach your day? How do you approach your life?

There are other attitudes of positivity. Gratitude, confidence, possibility, excitement – if it is a positive attitude, it’s an aspect of positivity. The idea of positivity is all-encompassing and represents potential for change, redirection, choices, and decisions to take your life in whatever direction would make you feel most alive.

Being mindful of your overall attitude is imperative because it is all too easy to get pulled off track. How many people begin the work week dreading Monday morning? When you pay a visit to Facebook, Twitter, or any other social media outlet you can see just how many unpleasant, negative posts and memes people put out there.

When you are not being aware of how you are thinking and what and how you are feeling, your subconscious, seeing all that negativity, can shift your attitude before you know it.

Positive thinking is not useless, but alone it’s not very powerful. Thought is but one small portion of attitude. How you think is just the beginning – how you feel and act make up your attitude. Positivity is an attitude that will take your day, week, and whole life in a given direction.

Fortunately, you get to choose what direction that will be.

Finding an attitude of positivity is not hard, but it does require action

Knowing that you can use mindfulness to gain influence and control over your attitude, you can choose to use positivity as your overall approach.  When you are aware of what your overall attitude is, you gain the ability to orient your life to make it as meaningful as possible, and as such you ultimately empower yourself.  When you feel empowered, you become more aware and mindful and tend to spread that feeling to others around you. As such, you can build more positive feelings and an attitude of positivity.

You can use the positive feelings this generates to dissolve negative feelings. When you eradicate negative feelings, you open up space to let in more positive feelings, and that is something you can be grateful for.

Gratitude leads to happiness.  Happiness is the ultimate positive attitude.  An attitude of gratitude is an attitude of positivity that begets even more good energies – and that, like you, is always worthwhile.

This is the two-hundred and seventy-ninth entry of my Positivity series.  It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone.  Feel free to share, re-blog and spread the positivity.

Please take a moment to sign up for my new-and-improved newsletter.  Fill in the info and click the submit button below and receive a free eBook.

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The post Positivity is an Attitude appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

What is Your Why?

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Why do you desire the things you desire?

When you were a child, you believed you could do anything. Hell, you may even have believed that you could fly. You were open and eager and ready to explore and experience all the amazingness that life could offer you.

Then, when you started school, depending on your experience, you either found even more paths to explore, and/or you began to encounter a harsh, less-than-amazing so-called “reality” to take part in.

This is in no way an attack on schools or educators – they are all heroes and super-important – but between test demands and performance expectations, a great deal of the joy of education and learning gets bulldozed.

You learn that society has certain expectations of you, and they might run counter to what you truly desire to do. In some cases, you might have still worked with this, and managed to achieve what you desired.

In many instances, this has not been the case. The “reality” of making a decent salary and pay for rent or mortgage and all the other related “adulting” shunts a lot of people into ho-hum, unexciting, unfulfilling jobs.

If your why involves what you are doing with your life, then keep at it and rock on! If, however, your why has nothing to do with where your life currently is, do you know what your why is, and the reason you desire it?

Getting to know your why

For a lot of people, they actually haven’t the foggiest idea of what they desire for their life. They may have an idea here, a thought there, an abstract notion along the way…but are unaware of what shape it can and might take and how to implement it.

Let’s be honest, some people spend their whole lives in quest of a why, and that can take all kinds of forms.

For most people, your why is that thing you most desire to do with your life. It might be an overarching goal, like owning a spectacular home, writing a novel, traveling the world, raising kids, and so on. It might be a more day-to-day goal, like taking a walk, reading blogs and books, getting into shape, and so on. Most likely, it’s a combination of these.

The question, when you know your why, that might come up is this: Are you worthy? Do you deserve this?

The answer is YES.

You came onto this planet to live, and grow, and thrive, not just to survive and live a rote routine, dying slowly every day. We get one shot at this particular existence as this unique Meat Popsicle, and then the energy that is the core of who we are gets transmuted and goes elsewhere. As such, you are worthy and deserving of whatever awesomeness makes up your why.

So whatever the thing you desire to do is, you deserve it. You are worthy of it. Unless your why involves disempowering, hurting, or otherwise messing with other people’s lives and THEIR why, yours is legit, and you are worthy and deserving of it.

What’s it all about?

Great or small, whatever why drives you, in all likelihood, has the same end goal in mind. No matter who you are, or what your why is, odds are the reason behind it is going to be similar, even if the shape is not.

The reason: Satisfaction. Contentment. Happiness. Joy. Feeling good.

This is the reason why we do most everything we do. In the end, the things we do or desire to do have the goal of achievement, and that involves feeling good. It may take various forms, and how it will feel is specific to each individual, but it’s usually the driving force of our lives.

There is nobody that wants to feel unsatisfied, discontent, unhappy, joyless, and bad. Even the most morose person you know is probably seeking something that makes them feel good. Yet we put off, delay, or frequently deny ourselves the things that make us feel good.

Sometimes this comes from giving to others first; other times it comes from fear of lack and scarcity; still other times it’s just a matter of excuses, procrastination, or a combination of issues that cause you to not pursue your why.

This can become insidious. Before you know it, you are unhappy, depressed, and in a constant state of struggle – or else you simply come to see your why as unattainable, and a lack of your own worth being the reason for not having it.

Yes, it’s important to be responsible – but sacrifice will always lead to resentment. Your why should not be sacrificed because of a fear, or a lack and scarcity mentality, because you are no less deserving than anyone else to achieve whatever you desire. In especial when the ultimate goal is feeling good.

How do you know and achieve your why?

Mindfulness. Becoming aware and cognizant of your thoughts and feelings will get you where and why you desire to go. Too many people allow themselves to be disempowered, and pushed around into societal expectations and following the reality of the collective consciousness because that’s what gets drilled into them. Life lives you, rather than you living life, and your subconscious drives the train.

When you practice mindfulness, however, you start being more conscious of your thoughts and feelings, which makes you the conductor of the train. Awareness of what you are thinking and what and how you are feeling gives you influence and even control over thoughts and feelings. That influence and control then drives the intent behind your actions – and you can work on the why of the things you desire.

No, it is not that easy, and it takes time, practice, and work. You can’t simply make your why appear from the vacuum, it takes effort. But to find more satisfaction, contentment, happiness, joy, and good feeling pursuing your desires is worthwhile.

Consciousness creates reality.

Do you know what your why is?

This is the three-hundred eighty-eighth entry in my series. These weekly posts are ideas for, and my personal experiences with, walking along the path of life to consciously create reality.  I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world along the way and empower myself and my readers with conscious reality creation.

Thank you for joining me.  Feel free to re-blog and share this.

The first year of Pathwalking, including some expanded ideas, is available here.

Please take a moment to subscribe to my mailing list.  Fill in the info and click the submit button below and receive your free eBook.  Thank you!

Name *FirstLastEmail *NameSubmit

The post What is Your Why? appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

How Are We Stronger Together?

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We are stronger together than we are apart.

That’s the reason why so many of those “in power” choose to emphasize and create division. If we are divided, we are a lot easier to overcome.

When I am fencing one-on-one against someone my equal, it could go either way. When facing two on one, even if they are not as skilled as I am, it’s going to be harder for me to beat them both. Three on one? Not impossible, but super-difficult. Four on one? Sure, I may take one or two of them with me, but odds are not in my favor to win.

If I can divide them up into teams of two and two, I have a better chance. If, however, they press me and don’t let me split them up, their chances are far greater.

In any situation, when you stand together you increase your group strength. Standing together and presenting a united front empowers everyone involved. Dividing is an attempt at disempowering you.

I know it’s an unpopular topic, but let’s look at American politics. Overall, the VAST majority are somewhere near to the center, some leaning left and some leaning right. When the centrists recognize this, they can find common ground to work together, and we can make things happen.

There are extremists on both sides. They tend to be really loud, and very opinionated. They tend to resort to name-calling, smear campaigns, and using everything they can to show us the depth of division, and divide us further.

Creating divisions leads to conflict. Conflict leads to disempowerment of the many while empowering a few. Ergo, those “in power” use divisions to create their bases and hold onto their so-called power.

Stand stronger together

When we recognize the blatant attempts to divide us, we can work on resisting this. Instead, we can focus on working together, in order to better create more empowerment and to work mutually for our greater good.

It’s easy to get caught up in the fervor and take a stand against people. This gets encouraged because certain people believe it lets them hold onto their power. But power is an illusion, and when you become empowered yourself, you gain the ability to see that you can change the world for the better.

Splitting and dividing us is almost entirely built out of negativity. Using the idea of the “other” to create fear and exploit the artifices of lack and scarcity, the power-mongers work to take on more for themselves.

We are stronger together than we are apart. When we recognize this, we can better work collectively to empower each other and spread abundance and positivity into the world.

This is not some rose-colored-glasses philosophy…and even if it were, do you like feeling bad? Do you like feeling disempowered? I think it’s safe to assume the answer here is no. When we become more mindful of what those “in power” do to disempower us, we gain the ability to overcome it. Together, we can work to gain more equality, and change our world for the better, for all.

It starts small. You are the initial focal point. You get to choose the negativity of the divides or the positivity of coming together. This has the potential to be incredibly empowering you and everyone you encounter.

Finding positivity is not hard, but it does require action

Knowing that we are stronger together, we can work on overcoming the superficial and artificial divisions being exploited to disempower so many.  When we realize that this is an abundant Universe, rather than one of lack and scarcity, and we work concurrently with others, we ultimately empower ourselves.  When we feel empowered, we become more aware and mindful and tend to spread that feeling to others around us. As such, we can build more positive feelings and positivity.

We can use the positive feelings this generates to dissolve negative feelings. When we eradicate negative feelings, we open up space to let in more positive feelings, and that is something we can be grateful for.

Gratitude leads to happiness.  Happiness is the ultimate positive attitude.  An attitude of gratitude is a positive attitude that begets even more good energies, and that, like you, is always worthwhile.

 

This is the two-hundred and seventy-eighth entry of my Positivity series.  It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone.  Feel free to share, re-blog and spread the positivity.

Please take a moment to sign up for my new-and-improved newsletter.  Fill in the info and click the submit button below and receive a free eBook.

Name *FirstLastEmail *MessageSubmit

The post How Are We Stronger Together? appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

Life is Never a Singular Path

This post contains affiliate banner links. For more info, see my disclosures.

 

You are empowered to choose the path/paths you desire for you.

Over the course of your life, you are going to have different goals at different times. Some are small goals, others are larger and have a wider impact. All of them are significant to you.

There will be occasions when you are on more than one path at the same time. For example: developing a relationship while working on a degree program.

Having goals is important, and the majority of your paths aim at achieving them. But the paths themselves are equally important because we are always traversing them.

Everybody is on some path or other, though they may not recognize it as such. Even if you work a boring, monotonous job, you are on a path (even if it feels a lot like a treadmill or a hamster wheel).

Conscious reality creation is the process of recognizing the paths you would like to take in life. Rather than just letting life live you, choosing a path means you are choosing the life you want to live.

How does life live you? Think of this in terms of riding a boat of some sort down a river. If you just float along, the current will carry you. You will get downstream, but at the pace of the current alone…and you may hit obstacles, rocks and rapids along the way that will interfere with your journey.

Taking control or influence is steering around rocks and obstacles, as well as maneuvering through the rapids to avoid capsizing the boat.

EVERYONE is capable of this. Sure, it can feel difficult, and even at times impossible. But you have the power to choose paths and live your life as you most desire to.

Mindfulness provides insight

A large part of this comes from being present, and being present involves being aware of what you are thinking and feeling. This is mindfulness.

Mindfulness is not just a hooky-spooky idea attached to things like mantras, affirmations, and meditation. Mindfulness is a much easier practice. All it takes is the following questions, or questions similar to these:

What am I thinking?
How am I feeling?
What am I feeling?
Why am I doing what I am doing?
What is my intention?

Being mindful doesn’t just involve considering these ideas, it requires ASKING these questions of yourself.

It is all too easy to get lost in the background noise of our society. Spend any time online on social media and you will be inundated with negativity, messages of fear, lack, and scarcity, and the troubles and woes of the world. When you are not aware of what you are thinking and feeling, and allow your subconscious to take the controls, it’s very easy to get diverted off a given path.

Being mindful is how you take the controls for yourself. When you know what you are thinking and feeling you can see where you are going.

For some people, this idea is utterly terrifying. Becoming mindful feels like you have to be more accountable for yourself. Truth is, you do…but that’s not a bad thing.

Being accountable, in particular for yourself, lets you work with trauma and negativity from understanding. Instead of blindly dealing with whatever, you can see what is really going on.

I know this can be scary. But believe me, what you fear you will find is most often not as scary as the fear of it is.

You are worthy and deserving of choosing your path

Another issue our modern society tends to present is matters of entitlement, privilege, and how we measure success. We are shown these examples that can be wildly overwhelming, and the bar can appear to be far too high for you and me to reach.

This is not the truth. You do not need to come from a class of people, a specific portion of society, nor any other artifice of the world at large. You are already worthy and deserving of choosing whatever path you want to take in your life.

Yes, it is important to recognize that you cannot create reality from a vacuum. A lot of people take umbrage with the idea of the Law of Attraction and conscious reality creation because of the way some people apply it. The Secret’s Ask, Believe, Receive model, for example, implies all you have to do is wish hard enough and you will get what you are desiring. What it fails to address is that action will be required – not just action for the sake of action, but intentional action.

Nothing comes from nothing, period. Everything has a point of origin to it. To create anything at all, even intangibles for your life’s paths, you need to have material to work from. You cannot become a famous actor by wishing it to be so. It will require working at the craft, interviewing and auditioning for roles, and studying how to become the best actor you can.

You CAN start out believing you WILL achieve the fame you desire. But it will take intentional actions and work to get you there.

When you do the work, you are worthy and deserving of achieving any goal you set your mind to.

Be flexible

Paths will change. You may learn things along the way that alter the path you are on or cause you to leave one path for another. Further, you might, in the process of traversing one path, discover you also need to take another along the way. For example: I am working on books to publish. Additionally, I am also writing blogs. Two separate paths, one goal – earn my living as a writer.

Additionally, you may discover in the process of walking a given path that, wait, I hate this. You might find that what you thought you wanted you actually do not. That’s perfectly ok because no goal is ever written in stone.

Life is all about choices and decisions. You are capable of creating amazing things, no matter your circumstances. Because life is never a singular path, the number of options is only limited by you. The Universe is abundant, and you can change your life in whatever ways makes you feel powerful, positive, happy, and fulfilled. You are worthy and deserving of whatever goal you may have at the end of a given path.

What paths are you on right now?

This is the three-hundred eighty-seventh entry in my series. These weekly posts are ideas for, and my personal experiences with, walking along the path of life to consciously create reality.  I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world along the way and empower myself and my readers with conscious reality creation.

Thank you for joining me.  Feel free to re-blog and share this.

The first year of Pathwalking, including some expanded ideas, is available here.

Please take a moment to subscribe to my mailing list.  Fill in the info and click the submit button below and receive your free eBook.  Thank you!

Name *FirstLastEmail *MessageSubmit

The post Life is Never a Singular Path appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.