M.J. Blehart's Blog, page 37

Can We Really Do Much of Anything to Change Anything At All?

Yes, we can change anything. But it begins with ourselves.

Photo by Towfiqu barbhuiya on Unsplash

This weekend, two dear friends got married.

Both, in the time I have known them, have changed in many ways. And the journey to get to this place together was not easy for either of them. But surrounded by friends and family, they pledged their love and lives together.

Who you were is not who you are. And who you are is not who you will be tomorrow. That’s the nature of the Universe. Because change is the one and only constant within it.

However, one of the biggest obstacles to change is the outside world. We see so many examples of unfortunate people and circumstances, unkind, uncaring, unempathetic people, and outright hatred and hostility – hope for change can be constantly tested to the point of breaking.

Yet when all is said and done – we can really change anything at all. It just comes with a wide variety of degrees of complexity and difficulty.

The first and more important consideration is that change begins with ourselves.

Mindfulness to empower ourselves

We tend to be creatures of habit. Most of us have ways we do things regularly that we don’t even acknowledge as habitual. But they are.

Further, the tools initially designed to better connect us to one another have actually disconnected us. The internet, cell phones, tablets, and all this amazing tech for instantaneous communication, information access, and the like separates us more than it unites us. The formerly limited cliques and social-circle gatherings can be global. Globally, they can share and spread misinformation and negativity equally as fast as information and positivity.

Because we tend to be habitual in our daily lives, we can easily get swept along in various currents. The court of public opinion and the collective consciousness can easily take our attention.

That, in turn, makes it look an awful lot like changing anything at all is impossible.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Change is a constant – the only constant in the Universe. Most of the messages that change is impossible come from artificial lack and scarcity intent on derailing change.

To actively change, we need to begin with ourselves. And that is all about mindfulness.

Mindfulness is conscious awareness of our thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions. That conscious awareness is a product of the only time that is utterly real – the now. Here and now, via mindfulness, we can see who, what, where, how, when, and why we are.

Knowing those facts about ourselves empowers us. And when we are empowered, we can choose ways and means to change.

All change starts small. It begins with shifts in mindset/headspace/psyche. As such, it begins with you and me.

This brings up the second most important fact about change.

We can only change anything via ourselves first

Given the opportunity, I would love to change the way the United States handles taxes, health care, education, the separation of church and state, and various other elements. The reality is that the only way I can do that in any way is to vote in elections, write and call representatives, attend protests, and share information to help spread empowering ideas.

Realistically – I cannot change a damned thing about this country. At least, not on that scale.

How many people do you know? Friends, family, coworkers, casual acquaintances? Friends of friends? All told, I would bet it’s less than 1000 people.

For example, I have more than 1500 friends on Facebook. However, between duplicates (several friends have more than one account), business-related connections, and other factors, I’d estimate there are only maybe 800 people I know even in the slightest.

I share every article I write like this one on Facebook. Because of its algorithms, I suspect maybe 250 of my 1500 friends even see that I post. Of those 250, based on metrics from Medium and my websites, maybe 5 percent of those 250 people read these things.

The potential influence, thus, is about a dozen people. And that’s influence only. Because agree or disagree with what I share – I can’t change anyone else.

We have no power to change anyone other than ourselves. We can share ideas and influence people to choose to change themselves. But we can’t change them.

When we turn our focus and attention towards the world at large and the big picture, we disempower ourselves. Even if we are utterly persuasive and influential – it’s not all that big an impact on that many people.

Hence why recognizing and acknowledging that we can change only ourselves is the key to changing anything at all.

Photo by Markus Spiske on UnsplashBe the change you wish to see

Yeah, that line gets overused a lot. However, it’s the truth. Care to make a change? Make it.

The problem here is perception. Often, when we decide to go ahead and make change – and start with ourselves – accusations of selfishness start to fly. Or at least, the perception of being selfish can come when we start working on or with change.

Here’s the thing – we can only control our lives. Our selves. You and I have no power over anyone else. And to be honest – that’s more than enough power. I don’t want to be responsible or accountable for anyone else. Do you?

Can we change anything at all? Hell yes. Because change is constant. But the only change we can control is ourselves.

When we recognize and work from there – we can change anything at all about ourselves that’s not working.

And no, this might not be easy. But I know that I prefer to take what control I can. And that means recognizing and acknowledging what I desire to change in, with, and for my life – and taking the actions to change it.

When we are thus empowered – we become beacons for others. Have you ever noticed how influenced you are by someone going for it and making the most of their life? Rather than compete, we can use it as a template for our own change engines.

In this way – we can change anything and everything for the better. But only for our personal better. Unless your intent knowingly causes hurt or harm to others – the change you desire is worthy and deserving of you – and vice versa.

Taking control of changing anything at all isn’t hard

It’s all about working with mindfulness of our thoughts, feelings, and intentions to direct our actions.

When we recognize and acknowledge that we can only change ourselves, we can work with that framework to change anything at all within our own life experiences. Knowing that we have that much power and control over our own lives, we can use this via mindfulness to take control of active work with change. This empowers us – and in turn, our empowerment can empower others around us. That can expand to change the bigger picture matters.

Choosing for ourselves tends to lean positively.

Taking an approach to positivity and negativity – from the vast space that exists between them – shifts the concept in a way to open more dialogue. In that form, we can explore and share where we are between those extremes and how that impacts us here and now.

Lastly, I believe the better aware we are of ourselves in the now, the more we can do to choose and decide how our life experiences will be. If that empowers us, it can also open those around us to their own empowerment. And that is, to me, a worthwhile endeavor to explore and share.

Thank you for coming along on this ride with me.

This is the four hundred and thirty-seventh entry of my Positivity series. I hope that these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.

Please visit here to explore all my published works – both fiction and non-fiction.

Please take a moment to sign up for my newsletter. Fill in the info and click the submit button to the right and receive a free eBook.

The post Can We Really Do Much of Anything to Change Anything At All? appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

How Come You Don’t Think That You’ve Got This? You’ve Got This!

Believe it. You’ve got this. You’ve made it before – you will make it again.

Photo by Alvy Martinez on Unsplash

There’ve been many times when I was pretty sure I couldn’t get more lost than I was.

I am not being entirely literal, here. This is about making plans, choosing paths, and deciding things – but then having it go sideways. Or unexpectedly not work as planned.

You might know this. You get that feeling like you’re lost, like nothing is working, and you can’t work out how to move past this. When that happens you don’t think you’ve got this.

The truth is – you’ve got this! That’s not to say it’ll go how you would like, that it’ll work precisely as planned, or that things might get worse before resolution. But it will resolve.

How do I know this? Because you’re here, aren’t you? That means you’ve done it before. And though it might suck a lot, and it might be way more challenging than you’d like – I’m sure you’ll get through it again.

If you are not sure what I’m talking about here – but this still strikes a chord – please allow me to elaborate.

You’ve made it here

Congratulations! You are here. No, I don’t know where “here” is for you – but you’re here.

Sometimes this is not a great feeling. Shit has happened, life has slapped you around, and who knows what else you’ve endured? You might presently not be in so good a place.

I understand this completely. I’ve been there. After a difficult struggle, you’re cooked. Tired, burned out, lacking energy. However – you’re still here.

What’s great about that? You have choices. You can start anew, start again, change direction, or take your pick. And whatever it is you decide – you’ve got this.

That might feel like a lie. Challenges, struggles, and bad days can leave you feeling like you don’t have this at all. But you do – because you are still here.

Whatever it’s been like up to now, good or bad, you’re here, now. Right now, in this moment – you can choose.

To be fair – those choices might be, at present, between bad and worse. It happens. But you can choose. That’s what matters.

And unless the end is the end – and your time in the body you occupy is over and you are dead – you’ve got this. Because it’s not the end – even if it is not a good feeling or otherwise bad.

No doubt, this is something you’ve experienced before. Odds are – you’ll experience it again.

And I know what I’m talking about here from my life.

Mindfulness tells you that you’ve got this

I have no memory of the decision to leave my apartment and walk to the post office on November 30, 1999. None whatsoever. When I became aware of myself again, I was in a hospital bed, severely injured and facing numerous surgeries, therapies, and the possibility of permanent disability.

I didn’t accept that as the end. I told myself, “You’ve got this!” and did all I could to recover as fast and completely as possible.

There were lots of doctors, nurses, and therapists that did their share to get me well. And the pain and suffering of that experience presented to me three options. These, I’ve learned, are the truth for everyone.

These are the 3 options we all have when it comes to our lives:

Let life live you. Allow rote, routine, habits, your subconscious mind, and your ego to do most of the driving. Just let it happen – accept it, whatever it is.Curl up in a ball and await death. This can be both literal and figurative. Lament it all, be negative and a victim of circumstance. Expect the worst and believe it will be an endless struggle no matter what you do.Be mindful and take the wheel. Choose how you will live your life. Become consciously aware of your subconscious beliefs, values, and habits, as well as how your ego reflects you within and without. Decide to make choices and take the control you have every right to.

Mindfulness is conscious awareness of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions, here and now. Via mindfulness, you can make choices and decisions to take control of these elements of yourself – and see how you’ve got this or can get this.

Photo by Prateek Katyal on UnsplashIt is normal to feel like you haven’t got this

You don’t think that you’ve got this? That’s totally normal. Everyone feels that way from time to time.

Life is often challenging. We each go through many unique experiences along the way. And for everyone, there are times when it feels like there’s no doing right, no making it work, and defeat is all you will have.

It’s okay to feel that way. But I know you’ve got this. Because you will survive and get through and past it. Even when that feels like a lie.

I won’t give you a line like “whatever doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger.” Let’s face it – that’s not always true. But you’ve done it before. And so long as you are here – you will do it again.

For all the times it’s a challenge – there are also lots of times it is a joy. You know that you’ve got this – and you are so, so excited to see it to its conclusion.

Life is never just positive or negative. Most of the time we exist between the various extremes. Likewise, we might anticipate that something will be bad and that it will be much worse than it turns out to be.

Mindfulness – even when shit happens – helps you find how, why, when, and where you are. And that helps you to see how you’ve got this – even if you don’t feel it currently.

Finally – remember this: We are all worthy and deserving of all that we desire in this life. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. We can be who we desire, do what we desire, and choose to take a path that makes us content and brings us joy. (But only for ourselves. We have no power and no control over anyone else.)

Can you see that even when you don’t entirely believe it, you’ve got this?

This is the five-hundred and forty-seventh exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are my ideas for – and experiences with – using mindfulness and positivity to walk along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.

I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world and empower as many people as I can with conscious reality creation.

Thank you for joining me. Feel free to re-post and share this.

The first year of Pathwalking, including expanded ideas, is available here. Check out Amazon for my published fiction and nonfiction works.

Please take a moment to subscribe to my mailing list. Fill in the info then click the sign-up button to the right and receive your free eBook. Thank you!

The post How Come You Don’t Think That You’ve Got This? You’ve Got This! appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

When I know I Shouldn’t Do That – Why Do I Still Do That?

I shouldn’t do that, but I do. Lack of willpower? Distraction? Something else? Let’s explore.

Photo by Jackie Hutchinson on Unsplash

I know that I have an addiction to carbohydrates and sweets. Bread, cookies, pasta, candy, ice cream – everything that is bad for my overall health.

This is why we tend to not keep bread, ice cream, and a lot of pasta in the house. However, my wife loves to bake, and bake for our friends – so these things still find their way here.

Currently, there is chocolate that my wife created to make truffles. Even knowing I should ignore it and that I don’t need it – I have been eating it.

I know I shouldn’t do that. The goal before my 50th birthday, now 3 months away, is to get into far better physical shape. And yet, there I am, at the fridge, enjoying some very smooth and tasty chocolate.

And then I get annoyed with myself. I start to feel like I am failing, and I get frustrated.

Then there is the question. I know I shouldn’t do that – so why do I still do that??

What is my why?

The great big million-dollar question is – why? Why do I do this to myself?

I know full well that I shouldn’t do this. Hell, that’s why we normally don’t keep these things in the house. And yet – there I go, and I am enjoying the chocolate. Then feeling guilty after.

Later, I get annoyed because even with the weight I’ve lost, my body size hasn’t shifted as much as I would desire, and there is still a long, long way to go toward my goal.

Is this self-sabotage? Lack of willpower? Depression? Laziness? All of the above?

Maybe the question is deeper. Maybe the overall question is – what is my why?

Why do I desire to get into better physical shape before my 50th birthday? Why does that matter to me?

There are some genetic health predispositions in my family to consider. Thus, keeping my weight under control – which I have not been so good at – is an important part of that. As such, I would rather avoid having to take even more pills a day and some other unpleasant possibilities by getting into better physical shape now.

Why? Because when all is said and done, I would like to live a long, abundant, healthy life. There are things I would like to do that I’ve not done yet, and there is much I’d like to be able to give that I haven’t given yet. Being in better physical health will make that more possible.

When you get down to it – my why is that I desire to do what I can to make this world a better place. Not just for me – for you, for them, for everyone.

Yeah, I know that’s a lofty goal. I also know that there’s only so much that I can do to that end. But to help make it possible, I need to be the best me that I can be. And that includes the physical me.

Which taps into the larger problem.

I shouldn’t do that – but still do that

This is applied – in this instance – to things physical. But the base is in my mental, emotional, and spiritual health. All the unseen stuff only I can truly grasp and comprehend.

This is why the question of why am I doing what I know I shouldn’t be doing comes up. There is something in my mindset/headspace/psyche self – tapping into either my subconscious mind or my ego – that takes that path.

When I do what I shouldn’t do, that leads to a feeling of guilt and often shame. It is unreasonable – and yet, there it is. And I am unsure why I do that.

It’s easy to label this. Lack of willpower, self-sabotage, distraction, boredom, depression – take your pick. But the label is not the answer to the why. The answer is deeper – and tied to my mental, emotional, and spiritual health.

Ergo, somewhere in my subconscious and/or my ego – I feel unworthy and undeserving. So I do what I shouldn’t do – even knowing I shouldn’t do that – to stay where, how, who, and why I am.

But why? Because I have a comfort zone in which I have placed myself. Consciously – I would like to change it. Egotistically, I desire to not rock the boat. Meanwhile, subconsciously, old beliefs, habits, and values step in.

How do I adjust myself for this?

The first step is recognition. And that is what I’m sharing with you here. I recognize that while I desire to make these changes for my health and wellbeing – I’m scared. They will take me out of my comfort zone. And I have no idea what I’ll find outside of it.

Intellectually, I know that good is there. My knees will thoroughly appreciate not bearing all this extra weight, as will my internal organs. My fencing and other physical prowess will likely improve when I am not carrying so much excess weight.

Emotionally and spiritually, however, there are tons of what-ifs. What if I lose sight of who I am? Will I become someone I would rather not? What if people abandon the new me? What if this new me isn’t who I truly desire to be and I get it wrong?

Comfort zones are comfortable. That’s why stepping out of them is so challenging. But the problem is that you get complacent and, despite comfort, uncomfortable. Change – though the only constant in the Universe and utterly inevitable – is unknown and uncomfortable.

Why else do we accept failed systems in our society? Because change makes us uncomfortable. So, we cling to what we know and are comfortable with – even when it does us harm (or is not, in fact, real).

For years now, I have been practicing walking my own path via conscious reality creation, mindfulness, and positivity. But more often than not, I’m stumbling rather than smoothly traversing my chosen path. Part of that is the self-sabotage in knowing when I shouldn’t do that and do it anyway – whatever that may be. And I know this is tied more directly to the discomfort of leaving my comfort zone.

The author in his medieval fencing gear – April 2022.What is my comfort zone here?

I have spent the majority of my life overweight.

At the same time – I’m proud of much of what I’ve been able to do despite that. As a fencer, I am far faster and more dexterous than I appear. I can run, albeit in short bursts. My oversized gut (I carry nearly all my excess weight in my gut) belies my strength and agility.

And if I lose the weight and am reshaped more normally – do I lose my uniqueness? If I am a more normal shape and size, do the above-mentioned special attributes go away? Will I cease to be special?

That’s the most obvious comfort zone I live in. The next is attached to my half-success in my art. I might desire to make a better living off my writing – but how different will my life be if I am financially stable and more abundant? What will life look like when I am no longer almost, nearly there – but over the hump and getting where I desire to go?

It is my fear of leaving my comfort zones. That is why I do that when I know I shouldn’t do that. It is a form of self-sabotage.

What can I do about this? Mindfulness. First and foremost, recognizing and acknowledging what I am doing in the abstract makes me aware. Practicing mindfulness and using my conscious awareness more actively will help me to stop myself from doing that when I know I shouldn’t do that.

See the positivity when I know I shouldn’t do that – and then don’t do that

If I am being totally honest with myself – I also should probably get back into therapy. The last year, and the 2 years of pandemic life before that, have revealed old wounds I might need help addressing. Especially if I am going to leave this comfort zone and change who I desire to change myself into being.

The end of this is a net positive, and I know it. Being healthier and in better shape will increase my longevity, my wellbeing, and let me prevent some potentially nasty things I’d like to prevent. It would also create a new normal that I would like to experience.

That, ultimately, would let me do the things I truly desire to do – and help make the world a better place from my corner of it.

That’s because to give the most of myself that I can – I need to be the best, most genuine me that I can be. Who I am now is good – but I can do and be even better. And better represents a ton of potential for some pretty amazing things – and to give more which I can’t even fully conceive from this comfort zone.

I know where I am. And I know who, what, why, and how I am – here and now. Only from here can I step outside this less-than-ideal comfort zone into where I truly believe I can and should be. Then, I believe that I can do more to do all I can to make this world a better place for you and everyone I can reach out to.

Thanks for coming along on this strange trip with me.

This is the four hundred and thirty-sixth entry of my Positivity series. I hope that these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.

Please visit here to explore all my published works – both fiction and non-fiction.

Please take a moment to sign up for my newsletter. Fill in the info and click the submit button to the right and receive a free eBook.

The post When I know I Shouldn’t Do That – Why Do I Still Do That? appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

If You Believed That You Could Do It – What Would You Do?

What you could do if you believed in yourself is not just words on a motivational poster.

Photo by Kai Pilger on Unsplash

In my experience, do you know who we tend to have the hardest time believing in? Ourselves.

Look at who people tend to believe in. Talking heads, politicians, oligarchs, demagogues, and leaders with fleeting power on multiple levels. And that’s just the individuals that people believe in.

What about abstract entities and intangibles? People believe in countries, sports teams, religions, God, ridiculous conspiracy theories, and other things and matters. There is a tremendous amount of faith out there for things we mostly cannot touch.

But for ourselves? If we believed in ourselves with the same degree of faith and dedication we give to those other people and abstract intangibles? We’d be seeing very different news reports than we tend to.

Why does this matter? Because when you are empowered, you are in control. But there are a lot of forces that seek to lessen how much you and I believe in ourselves.

Why? Because then we’d not need them.

But it all begins with individuals and what we believe about ourselves.

Self-trust, faith, and belief

My calling has always been the arts.

It began with writing before I was a teenager. Then it was singing and acting. In college, it was DJing at my college’s radio stations and directing plays. After that, I went back to writing.

Despite majoring in theatre in college, I didn’t find a job in that arena. Same with being a radio station DJ. There was some effort to pursue one of these arts. But I didn’t have faith in being able to earn a living from them. I believed I could only do them on the side, or maybe as a hobby.

Why? Because I was sold on the messages I was being broadcast on both personal and impersonal levels that I couldn’t pursue my arts and earn a decent living. I heard my mom in my head expounding on the virtues of being a doctor, lawyer, or business mogul. Or, if I did pursue the arts, I would only be a success if I achieved ultimate highs like best-seller status or an Oscar.

My trust, belief, and faith in myself were next to nil. Unfortunately, this didn’t just apply to the arts for me. It became my excuse to bounce from job to job, get into and eventually out of messy relationships, and even utterly change my circle of friends multiple times.

I was dissatisfied with my life on many levels. And I have watched lots of other people have the same struggles. While I still struggle – though I am working to pursue and achieve my dreams – I’ve come a long way. I’ve found that as I believed more in myself, I gained more control over my life experience.

I recognize, however, that the struggles I often have, still, would be less – if I believed in myself even more.

If you believed in yourself

How does this work?

Rather than looking without for the answers to life, the universe, and everything – you’d turn the focus inwards.

That’s not to say that we don’t and can’t learn from things outside of ourselves. We do, and we must. That’s how you and I gain knowledge and have experiences that teach us new things. But when it comes to ourselves, all that trust, faith, and belief are ultimately internal.

Do you think that, for example, that football player you admire cares about you and your life in any way, shape, or form? Does the United States know if you stand for the national anthem or take a knee in protest? Does Donald Trump believe in anyone but himself? And yet, lots of people put their faith in all three of these outside-of-themselves people and entities.

When all is said and done, all you have is yourself. Friends, family, and all people are fleeting. But you, yourself, are always with you. Yes, the time you will occupy that body is finite – but your ultimate, energetic self is eternal.

If you believed more in yourself, you’d choose better for yourself than you might now. You would rely more on your judgment and overall skills and abilities. But to be fair – that’s not easy.

Photo by Mercedes Mehling on Unsplash“They” have things to say

I don’t know about you, but I get tired of what “they” think, say, and do.

But the biggest problem with this over the years is how much it has been weaponized. Compassion, kindness, and empathy are derided as weaknesses by too many in power. And then from that, they create the “other” who is the enemy.

Because we tend to look without more than within when it comes to our faith, belief, and trust – ours is a fear-based society. We buy into false tales of lack, scarcity, and insufficiency regularly.

Some of what “they” say is well-intentioned. My mom has always meant well, for example, when she’s offered suggestions for how I should live my life and make money. But that’s not me – or for me – and I know it.

That’s not my path. My path, I know, is unconventional and unique in many ways.

If I believed in myself more, it would probably go much smoother and with fewer detours and obstacles than it does now.

To be fair, there are tons of useful outside resources worth getting into. Books, courses, podcasts, blogs, and surreal amounts of useful information are available to us all.

No matter what I find when I seek knowledge and information – the only person who can choose if I make use of it or not is me. If I don’t choose for myself, then who does?

That’s where “they” most desire to be. Choosing your courses, your paths, and everything else that they can control. Why? Because if you and I believed in ourselves more thoroughly, “they” would lose what power they have.

That power is fleeting and as artificial as the lack and scarcity “they” employ to keep us disempowered. If we believed more in ourselves – we’d be more empowered.

What you believed then versus what you believe now

Finally – beliefs change. Despite being rooted in your subconscious mind, your beliefs, habits, and values are not written in stone. All can be changed, altered, and replaced.

That begins via mindfulness. When I am consciously aware, here and now, of what I am thinking, what and how I’m feeling, the things I am doing and my intent behind them – I’m mindful. That means my conscious mind is driving.

With that, I can examine my subconscious and see what I believe and have believed and compare them. Does this belief serve me anymore? If not – I can choose to find a way to remove, replace, change, and/or alter it.

But I must believe in myself to make that fly. I must also recognize and acknowledge that I am worthy and deserving of that to walk my given path with grace and ease. And frankly, so is everyone else – no matter what “they” want us to believe.

If I believed more in myself than I can do it, I’d likely be more where I desire to be than where I am. But in recognizing and acknowledging this, I have taken the first step to make it how I desire it to be.

Lastly – I have no regret, no recrimination, and no negativity about that. Regret and blame don’t serve me in any way. It has come and gone. Lessons were learned. Now I get to believe and build from that.

Greater belief in myself is the key to finding and creating the life experience I ultimately desire. If you believed in yourself more, you would have the same ability for conscious reality creation.

What have you believed that you can do with your life experience?

This is the five-hundred and forty-sixth exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are my ideas for – and experiences with – using mindfulness and positivity to walk along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.

I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world and empower as many people as I can with conscious reality creation.

Thank you for joining me. Feel free to re-post and share this.

The first year of Pathwalking, including expanded ideas, is available here. Check out Amazon for my published fiction and nonfiction works.

Please take a moment to subscribe to my mailing list. Fill in the info then click the sign-up button to the right and receive your free eBook. Thank you!

The post If You Believed That You Could Do It – What Would You Do? appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

What is Positive Intention and Why does it Matter?

Positive intention gives us hope and is practiced with mindfulness.

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Lots and lots of people are struggling.

After 2 years of a seemingly never-ending pandemic, an ugly, pointless war in Ukraine, the dark impact of reactionary conservatives in politics and business, and increasingly illogical anti-science and anti-reason campaigns, I know I’m exhausted. And so is virtually everyone else I know, too.

No matter how strong you are, you can only take so much. Everyone reaches a point of saying, “That’s it! No more! Enough!” And yet – it feels like even with the slightest reprieve, another shoe will drop.

What’s more, the 24-hour news cycle is a constant stream of negativity. Domestic terrorism, gun violence, and talking heads are in your face all the time. And as if that’s not enough – the internet, a great channel for sharing information, is often abused and overrun with propaganda and false information.

Being virtually gut-punched constantly takes a toll on everyone. And that is why positive intention matters more now than ever.

Just want is positive intention? Before I define what it is, I’d like to clarify what it isn’t.

Toxic positivity versus real positivity

Most of us have been exposed to toxic positivity. And like any toxic chemical, that’s going to have a negative impact on you. Rather than physical, it’s more mental, emotional, and/or spiritual.

What is toxic positivity? Toxic positivity is the notion that a positive attitude – while ignoring and disregarding all else – will make the world a better place. If you just think and act positively, all the time, you can improve the world.

There are so many flaws with this idea. And what’s more, practitioners of toxic positivity tend to berate, shame, and disempower you if you fail at practicing positivity.

Let’s get real. Nobody can be positive all the time. Period. Shit happens. You get dumped, fired, in a car accident, dismissed, forgotten, and other negative things utterly outside of your control happen. And your negative feelings in response to these are completely valid. Toxic positivity invalidates them – and that’s part of what’s wrong with it.

Real positivity recognizes and acknowledges that shit happens. You will have bad days. Negativity will dominate your life from time to time. But – real positivity is a choice. Over time, you can continue to feel negative and let it be your dominant life experience – or find and/or create positivity where you can.

This can’t and won’t eliminate negativity. Because that’s not possible. And, what’s more, real positivity recognizes that it’s not a coin with heads being positive and tails being negative. It’s a flexible cylinder you spend most of your time somewhere between those opposite extremes.

And this is where positive intention comes in.

Positive intention is a gateway to hope

Let’s say that you have been hit hard. Something’s gone down in your life that’s hurt a lot. You’ve thus spent a lot of time feeling negative.

This might be direct – losing a loved one, for example. It might be indirect – watching idiotic, hurtful laws being passed in other states than where you live, for example. The negative feelings these generate are both wholly valid. What you feel is what you feel.

However – you will have a choice. Give in to the negativity and lose hope? Or find and/or create some positive intention and the hope that comes with it?

This is where positive intention comes into play. Let’s be honest – nearly nobody can just turn around from feeling negative to feeling positive. When you have been sad, depressed, angry, hurt, or otherwise negative – you can’t flip a switch and be positive.

But once you recognize and acknowledge how you feel – and that it’s negative – you have a choice. Seek positivity and the hope it offers? Or stay in the negativity and lose hope?

If you intend to turn it around and get out of the negative experience, positive intention is the key. It’s your intention to find, create, have, and experience positivity that will let you find, create, have, and experience positivity. And regain hope.

But how does positive intention work?

Photo by CARL HUNLEY JR on UnsplashPractice mindfulness

What happened has happened. The thing that made you feel negative has occurred. And now it’s a thing of the past.

That usually generates one of three responses. Either you worry that it will happen again or be worse, come to believe that it’s the way of the world and you can do nothing about it, or that maybe there’s a way to change it.

You cannot undo, redo, change, or otherwise alter the past. It’s done and over. Neither can you predict nor change the future. It is not yet written. But right here and now, in the present, you can take control of your life experience.

This is done via conscious awareness – or mindfulness – of who, what, where, how, and why you are. But not just in the literal sense – it’s about recognizing your inner being and your mindset/headspace/psyche self.

Mindfulness is you being consciously aware, in the present, of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions. That opens the way to you taking charge and – if your thoughts and feelings are negative – taking control and changing them with positive intention.

And this is all about intent. Because you intend to turn from facing the negative end of the cylinder to the positive end that you can control here and now.

With positive intention comes hope. Because rather than being in and seeing negativity all around, you are choosing to find and/or create positivity. And that is where hope lives.

Hope is how we can each, individually, make changes to our lives that might be able to have an impact on the greater good and collective consciousness of the world.

And all of us are worthy and deserving of all the good we can experience.

Seeking positive intention isn’t hard

It’s all about working with mindfulness of your thoughts, feelings, and intentions to direct your actions.

When you determine that you want to feel hopeful rather than hopeless after experiencing a negative situation, positive intention lets you alter your direction and focus to take control and seek and find or create positivity and hope. Knowing that you have that power within you – but that it’s okay to not be okay, too – you can use positive intention to make a choice. This empowers you, and in turn, your empowerment can empower others around you. Choosing for yourself tends to lean positively.

Taking an approach to positivity and negativity – from the vast space that exists between them – shifts the concept in a way to open more dialogue. In that form, we can explore and share where we are between those extremes and how that impacts us here and now.

Lastly, I believe the better aware we are of ourselves in the now, the more we can do to choose and decide how our life experiences will be. If that empowers us, it can also open those around us to their own empowerment. And that is, to me, a worthwhile endeavor to explore and share.

Thank you for coming along on this ride with me.

This is the four hundred and thirty-fifth entry of my Positivity series. I hope that these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.

Please visit here to explore all my published works – both fiction and non-fiction.

Please take a moment to sign up for my newsletter. Fill in the info and click the submit button to the right and receive a free eBook.

The post What is Positive Intention and Why does it Matter? appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

How Do You Choose to Stay Strong in This Crazy Timeline?

Staying strong is a choice. But some days – you can’t be strong.

Photo by Farsai Chaikulngamdee on Unsplash

For the second time in 2 weeks, I have been directly exposed to COVID.

Last time I tested negative. And this time I have tested negative again. But that doesn’t make it any less distressing.

I am less worried about myself than about my wife. Not to overshare – but my immune system is stronger than hers.

For more than 2 years, we’ve all lived in this bizarre state of utter uncertainty. The pandemic forever changed the world – though far too many people are utterly unwilling to acknowledge that truth.

Then, just to add insult to injury, the world continues to be crazy and uncertain. Putin invades Ukraine for no good reason, and more children are murdered in school shootings while many of those in power refuse to do anything about it. And don’t even get me started on the increasingly blatant racism, homophobia, transphobia, and other regressive acts on the part of religious, business, and political leaders.

It’s easy to feel powerless in the face of it all. And to some degree – we are.

What can we do to stay strong in this crazy timeline?

We can start by choosing ourselves.

Choosing yourself is not selfish

We are utterly bombarded by constant messages that we should not put ourselves first. Nope. Put your children first, your parents first, your job first, your nation first, etc. If you place yourself first, you’re a bad person and part of the problem.

This is simply not true. But a huge part of this is a massive misunderstanding of what genuine selfishness looks like.

It is NOT selfish to care for yourself. You are the only you that there is or ever will be. And while it’s good to connect with and have others to care about – you need to care about and for yourself, first. When you ignore your own care and needs you create barriers and unnecessary suffering.

It is not selfish to set boundaries, say no, and care for your mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health. Because the only one who can care for you is you. Outside help is available in the form of doctors, therapists, and friends. But they are of no use if you don’t first choose yourself and to care for yourself.

True selfishness involves intention and malice of forethought. You knowingly take and leave little to nothing behind. Not to overuse the analogy – but when you are 1 of 8 people and there is a slice of pizza for each of you, selfishness is you taking 2 or 3 slices knowing someone gets none. It truly is that simple an equation.

When you choose yourself, you empower yourself. That empowerment lets you take care of your needs and give yourself the fuel and energy necessary to survive, let alone be strong and thrive.

This isn’t selfish because you intend no harm. And knowing you might cause others to feel hurt is not the same as intentional harm.

Photo by Vance Osterhout on UnsplashTo be strong you need to be true to you

When you choose yourself, you might cause others to feel hurt. Particularly if, up ‘til now, you haven’t chosen yourself first before.

What does that mean? It means that when you say no to the triggering situation, set boundaries with the takers – intentional or unintentional – and practice matters of self-care, those who expected you to put them first might call you selfish. They might berate you for your choice.

But there are some important truths that we need to consider here. And they explain why you can and should choose yourself.

First – you have zero control over how anyone else thinks, feels, or acts. Yes, you can have an influence – but you cannot do a damned thing for them. Period. Thus, you can’t make someone change how they think or act, and you can’t choose their paths.

Even as a parent guiding a child, a teacher, or a manager – all you can do is guide. You cannot choose for anyone other than you.

Now expand that out to the big picture and the crazy of this timeline. Apart from voting, protesting, writing and calling, donating, and boycotting – you can’t do anything. You have no direct impact on the pandemic, Putin’s invasion, or the gun lobbyists.

What can you control, then? You. You can control yourself. And that is a matter of mindfulness and choosing what to do with and from it.

Choose to be strong – but forgive yourself when you falter

Mindfulness is conscious awareness, here and now, in the present, of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions. That conscious awareness lets you determine what you are thinking, what and how you are feeling, and the intent and actions you do or don’t choose.

Recognize and acknowledge this. Because to be honest – it’s far, far more powerful than you probably realize.

Why? Because the only one inside your head, heart, and soul is you. And with that recognition and acknowledgment, you can choose to take control of that and your overall life experience.

I use this to keep writing my novels and blogs and record my podcasts. Further, I use this to teach anything I have learned to anyone interested in learning the same. It is, ultimately, my goal to be a beacon of light and hope in this crazy timeline.

But some days I can’t be strong. The bad news, the sad news, the uncertainty, and the depression are overwhelming. And I falter.

Guess what? So does everyone. NOBODY is strong all the time. We all falter. That’s just part of the human experience.

Thus, you can choose to be strong. But accept that sometimes you won’t be. That’s normal and okay. Forgive yourself. Allow yourself to be weak and feel the negative emotions.

But then, make a new choice. Maybe later in the day, maybe tomorrow – but DO choose. Pick yourself back up. Take a deep breath, roll your shoulders, and go back into the fray.

The more we individually do this – the more we can have a positive impact on the collective consciousness. And that impact from our individual strength can put this crazy timeline in check and inject some reason into this crazy world.

You’re not alone in this. Stay strong but accept that sometimes you won’t be.

Can you see how, when you choose yourself, you choose to be strong?

This is the five-hundred and forty-fifth exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are my ideas for – and experiences with – using mindfulness and positivity to walk along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.

I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world and empower as many people as I can with conscious reality creation.

Thank you for joining me. Feel free to re-post and share this.

The first year of Pathwalking, including expanded ideas, is available here. Check out Amazon for my published fiction and nonfiction works.

Please take a moment to subscribe to my mailing list. Fill in the info then click the sign-up button to the right and receive your free eBook. Thank you!

The post How Do You Choose to Stay Strong in This Crazy Timeline? appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

Should You Allow Yourself to Take Time Off?

Yes, you absolutely should take time off – and here’s why.

Photo by S Migaj on Unsplash

I am terrible at taking time off.

There is a certain sense of guilt that comes with what are my obligations. Even those that are self-imposed.

When I don’t meet those expectations, I feel bad. That can turn negative on a dime, and before you know it the brain weasels start chittering. You’re bad, you are worthless, what do you think you are doing? etc.

For this reason, taking time off is problematic. Especially because all that I do is nonstandard. It feels like I am being judged by the world if I take time off. Dude, you don’t work 9-5, you don’t have a W-2 producing job, and you need to hustle all the time.

If anyone judges me thusly, I am not aware of it. But there is someone else that passes such judgments all too close to me.

That would be me.

But even people who work standard jobs face the same question. Should you allow yourself to take time off?

Spoiler alert – the answer is yes.

Nobody can live without rest

There is not a single, solitary person on the entirety of Planet Earth that can live without rest. I’m not writing about sleep – I mean taking breaks, pausing, and being at rest.

Nobody is capable of go go go go all the time. Some are more capable than others, that’s true (says the guy who spent 2 hours fencing in the sun with only a 10-minute break this past weekend). But even those who can push need to rest.

Sleep is important. So is just being still and at rest. Along that line – taking time off is acceptable. And more than acceptable. It is, quite frankly, absolutely necessary.

American culture is especially hard on people taking time off. It’s for this reason that flu season is frequently pernicious as all get-out. The workplace discourages taking time off – even when your physical health is on the line. Thus, people who are sick come in – and rather than losing 1 worker for a day or 2, the whole office loses productivity over a few weeks while the flu moves through the staff (or, presently, COVID).

For this reason, it feels like taking time off is not standard, should be avoided, and is frequently inappropriate.

Of course, nothing could be further from the truth.

This leads to the next issue.

Am I worthy and deserving of taking time off?

The short answer is yes.

You needn’t be someone special, privileged, or otherwise “important.” You, whoever you might be, are worthy and deserving of taking time off.

That’s because every single human being on the planet needs rest. And that means taking time off.

But for many, that still comes with guilt. Why? Because the nature of our culture is that if you do not give your all – and more – you are not worthy. You deserve to suffer when you are not giving your 110% or more. Give to your work, family, friends, and even random strangers. Give ‘til it hurts.

What this neglects to account for is that nobody comes with unlimited fuel.

Like a car or the battery on a cell phone, without fuel, it won’t function. This applies to you and me, too. Food and water are not the only fuel human beings consume. We also need mental, emotional, and spiritual energy that comes from things like rest, time off, and the like.

Thus, whoever you are, you are worthy and deserving of taking time off.

Photo by Anthony Tran on UnsplashNormalizing self-care

What this all comes down to is normalizing self-care.

It is not selfish to take care of yourself. Why? Because everyone has themselves. You always have yourself, and thus you should care for yourself.

Why? Because you are amazing.

I know that can be super hard to believe, and sometimes it feels like a lie. But you are. You are uniquely you, and that means you are uniquely amazing.

Thus, take time off. You should allow yourself to get rest, recharge, and do things that bring you joy with no obligations, expectations, or guilt.

I believe that when each of us accepts and works with this more, individually, we move the needle from abnormal to normal. Normalizing self-care, taking time off, and not creating or feeling guilt over it is too important to disregard.

Finally – why, how, and what you do with your time off is nobody else’s business. You needn’t justify your reasons for self-care, time off, and the like.

What you gain when you do take time for yourself is more energy, more balance, and better centering to handle everyday matters. And you are worthy and deserving of that without guilt or shame.

Allowing yourself to take time off isn’t hard

It’s all about working with mindfulness of your thoughts, feelings, and intentions to direct your actions.

When you accept that you are worthy and deserving of a break, that self-care is important, and that you are not selfish for acting on that – you can and should take time off. Knowing that everyone needs to take time off to perform self-care – whatever form that takes – you can use mindfulness to overcome any guilt or shame that crops up from doing so. When you take time off without guilt or shame, you help further normalize self-care. This empowers you, and in turn, your empowerment can empower others around you. Choosing for yourself tends to lean positively.

Taking an approach to positivity and negativity – from the vast space that exists between them – shifts the concept in a way to open more dialogue. In that form, we can explore and share where we are between those extremes and how that impacts us here and now.

Lastly, I believe the better aware we are of ourselves in the now, the more we can do to choose and decide how our life experiences will be. If that empowers us, it can also open those around us to their own empowerment. And that is, to me, a worthwhile endeavor to explore and share.

Thank you for coming along on this ride with me.

This is the four hundred and thirty-fourth entry of my Positivity series. I hope that these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.

Please visit here to explore all my published works – both fiction and non-fiction.

Please take a moment to sign up for my newsletter. Fill in the info and click the submit button to the right and receive a free eBook.

The post Should You Allow Yourself to Take Time Off? appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

What Are You Intentionally Doing to Be Where You Desire to Be?

To get where you desire to be, what are you doing?

Photo by Tamas Tuzes-Katai on Unsplash

I ask myself this question more than I feel like I should.

Perhaps I’m alone in this. But then, maybe not. What are you doing to go where you desire to be?

What does that even mean? For me, it’s about being who, where, how, why, and when I desire to be in this life. This is both a matter of the now, as well as where I will be in the future.

Because to get to the future, you must begin in the now. You can’t get to the future – and where you desire to be – if you’re trapped in the past or too focused on the future.

How does that work?

Be here, now

This is an ongoing challenge for me.

Right now, at this moment, activating my conscious awareness – where do I find myself? Where, how, what, when, why, and who am I now? In the present?

That picture is always a product of a combination of who you are and who you were. Because the past tends to create lots of bits and pieces that are invariably carried into the present.

The past is a great tool for learning. Taking something away from a past experience can serve you really well.

However, trying to recapture, relive, redo, undo, or otherwise use the past in the present and/or to create the future – you get yourself stuck.

When you get stuck, it can be extra challenging to go where you desire to be.

Why? Because it’s extra difficult to be present in the here-and-now when the past is holding onto you like an anchor holding a boat in place.

My past has some messy bits to it I am not proud of. Likewise, I’ve made choices that I wouldn’t say I regret – but I do sometimes think back and still ponder impossible what-ifs.

To be here now, I need to be consciously aware and mindful. That requires questions like,

What am I thinking?What am I feeling?How am I feeling?What am I doing and what’s my intent via those actions?

Being in the here-and-now, fully present, and consciously aware, is the only means I know of to work on being where you desire to be if you are not there yet.

Where do you desire to be that you are not now?

How does where you desire to be differ from where you are?

In my case, here’s where I desire to be versus where I am now.

Where I am now:

I am writing books and blogs and working an amazing part-time gig. But the return on investment (ROI) is not equal to what I am putting into it, and I am caught in a struggle for balance. I am often frustrated because I am unsure of how to move past this point – and have no more to invest financially to that end.

Where I desire to be:

My writing – in all its forms – earns me a sustainable salary. I can zero out my credit cards and not run up future debt for editing/book covers/marketing/cons/etc. I have the freedom to keep working on my craft because the ROI is more than adequate. My amazing part-time gig continues to be enlightening and fulfilling.

The biggest difference between where I am and where I desire to be is a combination of me struggling with my brain weasels, as well as trying to figure out that certain something necessary to create the ROI I’m not achieving at present.

Thus, some are in my control while some are not.

I cannot do much for what’s outside of my control. For example, getting my blog on Medium to the next level is something elusive I’ve yet to work out. Getting more people to buy and favorably review my books is likewise elusive.

Hence, most likely, taking more control over the parts I can influence will make a difference.

Photo by Regis F on UnsplashBe where you desire to be NOW

Consciousness creates reality.

Whether you believe in the Law of Attraction or not – this is the truth. Consciousness creates reality. What you think about, thank about, and focus on with tremendous intensity, you bring about.

I’ve done it before. Yes, while recovering from severe injuries I had excellent doctors who did incredible work. But even they were amazed by the speed and utter totality of my recovery. I know that because I thought of myself as completely healed, gave thanks for it, and allowed no doubt or alternative potential it was so.

There have been other, smaller examples. Relationships I envisioned I could create came into being. The car I could not afford or see any means to buy when I needed to buy a car I acquired. Conscious reality creation because I saw it, believed it, and gave total and complete thanks for it.

However – here are two VERY important caveats when it comes to all conscious reality creation.

First – you cannot create from a total vacuum. The tenet of The Secret – ask, believe, receive – implies you can create your reality from nothing. That’s just not true. Without conscious intentional action along the line of what you seek to create, you won’t likely make it happen.

If you desire to go to space, you can’t just ask, believe, and receive. You either need to find a way to buy a flight, join the military, or be a scientist to head that way. Intentional action is needed.

I won’t deny that sometimes luck alone allows creation from the vacuum. But you can’t count on it.

Secondly – you can create for you, and only you. You cannot consciously create the reality of anyone else. Attempt to do so and you create only conflict. See current American politics for an all-too-perfect example.

Sometimes you won’t feel it

There are days when the brain weasels are chittering obnoxiously in my head. They are telling me that I’m insane, choosing poorly, and should stop this nonsense and do what is expected of me by society.

When I am not where I desire to be – and not able to see just how to get there – this happens. And it gets worse when an outside force reminds me (often without malicious intent) that I am not where I desire to be.

Of course, there is a point where you walk away, change tactics, and relent. As the saying goes, “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the same result.” At some point, you need to either make a drastic change beyond any others you have. Or stop and start anew.

I am not saying quit. But there comes a point where you must weigh the pros and cons of where you are, where you desire to be, and if you’ve done all that you can – or not.

To go where you have never been before you need to be willing to be uncomfortable. That’s why it’s called leaving a comfort zone.

I know that I am insufficiently willing to get uncomfortable as I should. That is something in my control to adjust.

What will that look like? I suspect if I knew, I would have done it by now. But all I do know is that only I can do what’s right for me and my life. So, if I am not where I desire to be, only I can work out how to get there.

We all have bad days, and sometimes you won’t feel it. Forgive yourself, work on being more mindful, and keep on keeping on.

What are you doing intentionally to be where you desire to be?

This is the five-hundred and forty-fourth exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are my ideas for – and experiences with – using mindfulness and positivity to walk along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.

I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world and empower as many people as I can with conscious reality creation.

Thank you for joining me. Feel free to re-post and share this.

The first year of Pathwalking, including expanded ideas, is available here. Check out Amazon for my published fiction and nonfiction works.

The post What Are You Intentionally Doing to Be Where You Desire to Be? appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

Is Being Genuine and True to Yourself Really All That Important?

Both in the now and the long run, being genuine and true to yourself matters tremendously.

Photo by Adeyemi Emmanuel Abebayo on Unsplash

How do you react when you encounter someone who is a fake?

I’m not writing about someone you later learn is a fake. I mean, right from the outset. They put on airs, they seem confident not quite to the point of arrogance – but nearly so – and they come across as not quite right, slightly off, overwrought, and maybe trying too hard.

If you’re like me, you treat them with kid gloves and keep them at a bit of a distance. Maybe, in time, you get to know them – but not likely until you can see that they are fake because of insecurity, or a need for self-protection of one stripe or another.

But this is why being genuine and true to yourself is so important. Because when you are, it becomes both easier to work on your stuff as well as to relate to other people.

Doesn’t that make me vulnerable?

Arguably, being genuine and true to yourself can open you to being more vulnerable. Perhaps, because you are being you, it does make it easier for others to take pokes at you, prod you, and get under your skin.

However, it makes it easier for you to work with when something like that happens.

How? Because you know who, what, where, how, and why you are. Being genuine and true to yourself, you know yourself.

When you fake it and/or are disingenuous, eventually it’ll catch up to you. Inside, you will become disconnected – as your ego is that projection of yourself you’ve created. Meanwhile, your subconscious is coping with being disingenuous and sometimes building false aspects of yourself that can run counter to your beliefs and values. Meanwhile, your conscious mind gets shuffled around as you avoid being fully present with this untrue self you project.

In other words, by not being genuine and true to yourself you have actually made yourself more vulnerable. Just like you can see through the fake person shared above, you expose soft targets because you aren’t being you.

It’s not always easy to be yourself. And life is full of confusion, unwanted and unplanned happenings, experiences, and other matters that make being yourself undesirable. What’s more, far too many of our examples of success and achievement are utter fakes.

They are the ones who tell you that being genuine and true to yourself makes you vulnerable. But it’s a lot easier to combat matters that pop up in your life – both within and without – when you are being you. Why? Because you don’t have to add another layer to your untrue, half-true, or false story.

What if I dislike my genuine, true self?

Who you are is not written in stone.

Life is all about growth, evolution, and change. Who you were at age 5 isn’t who you were at age 10. The person you were at age 10 is not who you are at age 25. It’s entirely possible that who you were at 25 isn’t who you are at 30.

The point is that you change, you grow, and you evolve. Sometimes this is literal and drastic. For example, at 25 my right collarbone was made of bone. At age 27 it had to be remade with titanium following a nasty injury. Over the intervening decade, who I was at age 27 was a very different person in attitude, approach, and decision making when I reached my 40s. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually I’ve changed and evolved. And continue to do so as I near 50.

I think most people go through periods where they dislike who, what, where, how, and even why they are. Some people create false realities and egos in reaction to this. Others go the opposite direction and work to get to know themselves, in the now, better.

Thus, if you dislike your genuine, true self – you can change it. That’s a choice.

Admittedly, that’s a lot easier for some than others. As a middle-class, middle-aged white man, this is a much easier concept for me than it is for someone who lives paycheck-to-paycheck, is black or other POC, or is female. But though the how of changing yourself differs, the potential doesn’t.

It begins with mindfulness.

Photo by Brett Jordan on UnsplashMindfulness to be yourself

Mindfulness is conscious awareness of yourself. Yes, it does make you aware of that which is outside of yourself. But in this context, it’s all about being aware of your inner being.

This comes down to being consciously aware of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions. When you are aware of these, you are in the now. And when you are in the now, you are consciously aware and connecting to your conscious mind.

The difference between the conscious mind and the subconscious mind is easy to identify. The subconscious is where your habits, beliefs, and values live. They are there, in your depths – but not always obvious nor easily and readily tapped into. What’s more, old beliefs deeply rooted can negatively impact you unless identified consciously and dug out.

Meanwhile, the ego is both a bridge between the conscious and subconscious mind – and a separate entity. Ego is a combination of both how you project yourself to the world without – and a reflection that back to your inner being. Your ego is where you and others can tell if you’re being genuine and true to yourself – or not.

To be mindful, you need to be in the now. Present in this moment. When you are consciously aware of the here-and-now, you can see clearly how your ego interacts with you internally and the world externally. Thus, you can see if you are being genuine and true to yourself – or not. And if you are not – you can see what actions you need to take to change this.

If you desire to change it.

Fake it ‘til you make it isn’t the same thing

Finally – faking it ‘til you make it isn’t necessarily disingenuous. Sometimes, to get from where you are now to where you desire to be, you need to project more confidence, self-assurance, and calm than you truly feel.

When you leave any given comfort zone behind, you are uncomfortable. Going into uncertain territory has a lot of challenges to it. Sometimes, in that situation, you need to project through your ego someone more confident and self-possessed than you genuinely are.

But that’s not disingenuous because it is your genuine, true self. It’s a conscious choice, rather than an egoistic one. Most people who are not genuine or true to themselves are reacting to a trauma or other negative experience and are not entirely aware of their disingenuous ego.

Granted, some people are completely aware of being fake. They choose to put on those airs and be that person. And maybe it works for them – but I bet the uncertainty and expectation of being found out eats away at their mental, emotional, and spiritual health and wellness.

Faking it ‘til you make it is just a matter of extra push and being your genuine, true self with added oomph. This is why this approach always has the best result when it comes from your genuine, true self.

You are worthy and deserving of being recognized for the amazing person you are. And if you are not feeling all that amazing, you can be that amazing person with genuine, true-to-yourself conscious awareness work.

Being your genuine, true self isn’t hard

It’s all about working with mindfulness of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions.

When you are consciously aware of who, what, why, where, and how you are, you gain the ability to grow and evolve on your terms through conscious awareness. Knowing that if you are not presently your genuine, true self – or who you desire to be – you can choose to work with conscious awareness to change that. This empowers you, and in turn, your empowerment can empower others around you. Choosing for yourself tends to lean positively.

Taking an approach to positivity and negativity – from the vast space that exists between them – shifts the concept in a way to open more dialogue. In that form, we can explore and share where we are between those extremes and how that impacts us here and now.

Lastly, I believe the better aware we are of ourselves in the now, the more we can do to choose and decide how our life experiences will be. If that empowers us, it can also open those around us to their own empowerment. And that is, to me, a worthwhile endeavor to explore and share.

Thank you for coming along on this ride with me.

This is the four hundred and thirty-third entry of my Positivity series. I hope that these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.

Please visit here to explore all my published works – both fiction and non-fiction.

Please take a moment to sign up for my newsletter. Fill in the info and click the submit button to the right and receive a free eBook.

The post Is Being Genuine and True to Yourself Really All That Important? appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

Do You Stay the Course or is it Time to Leave This Path?

How do you know if you should still stay the course or leave the path?

Photo by the author

I’m feeling frustrated.

That frustration is directly impacting what I’m doing. But more than that, it’s also taking a toll on my self-image, self-worth, and other thoughts and emotions.

Of course, it all comes down to money.

Like many people, I have a love/hate relationship with money. I love having it and hate being a slave to it. The constant discomfort based on how much or how little there is in our bank accounts tends to be a key factor in my overall wellness and wellbeing.

This, of course, ties into the path I have chosen for my life.

Over the years, I’ve held a lot of different conventional jobs. The majority have been service or admin-related. They include tech support, customer service, benefits administration, retail and retail management, IT support, marketing assistant, paralegal, office manager, admin assistant, and a few other odds and ends over a wide range of fields.

A common thread I discovered is that corporate America and I tend not to get along, working 9-5 or most 8-hour-a-day shifts winds up with a lot of empty, wasted time, and I tend to work at a pace that’s utterly non-standard.

Just writing the above is problematic and feeds into my frustration. Why? Because I feel guilt and shame.

Guilt, shame, and what you choose (or not)

Guilt has been an unfortunately large element of my life. And a great deal of it ties into my frustration and overall self-worth issues.

For most of my life, I have not measured up in the eyes of certain people close to me. I didn’t become a doctor, lawyer, or other high-paying professional. Then, just to add insult to injury, I didn’t get married until my early 40s, and my wife and I will not have children. Thus – less than.

There has been a large amount of judgment from there. That has led to a lot of self-judgment, too.

On top of that, I feel guilt due to a combination of my privilege, that I can make many of the choices that I’ve made, and that I know others who struggle on multiple levels that I recognize.

I feel a degree of shame because there are times I feel I am being judged – whether I am or not – because of the choices I make. Not to mention that my attempt to fit my square-peg self into round holes is likely not so different from what others do and have done. I’ve had the opportunity to work with that and choose differently. But have I chosen well?

All the questions I ask can lead to some rather dark places. But, realistically, I know they are built on assumptions and presumptions I can’t quantify because I am not in anyone else’s head.

Also – nobody but me can live my life. Hence, no matter how much I explain, nobody can or will fully understand who I am. They can’t know all my motivations, or in general what makes me tick.

Do you continue to stay the course?

Still, I sometimes look at the path I have chosen and wonder if I am being ridiculous. Shouldn’t I just find a belt-sander and round off my square-peg self to fit into the expected holes?

Let’s look at my course over the past 3 years or so. Because, since late 2019, I have really, truly been walking my chosen path.

What does that look like? It looks like a lot more writing and editing. Since 2019, I have written, edited, and published 9 novels (to be fair, the first three of those were started in 2015. But the completion and editing were in 2019). I went from writing 3 blogs a week to 6 a week, or more (though at present I’m reducing that number to 4 a week). Also, I started a bi-weekly podcast that is weekly.

All of this has been aimed to generate some income. However, having bills to pay that can’t wait on the uncertain means of earning money in this way, I’ve taken on part-time work. This began with a financial services company – and was going great – until the pandemic hit and changed everything.

But I found another part-time job that I am still at (working for an absolutely amazing entrepreneur) and have had another gig or two to help pay the bills.

But money remains tight. And I am currently unwilling to further max out my credit cards to pay for editing and acquiring cover art for the completed books I have. And I’m unsure what else to do with this.

This is why I am feeling increasingly frustrated. What’s more, this is causing me to question if I should stay the course on this path – or is it time to concede?

What does conceding mean? How would that look?

Photo by Akash Dey on UnsplashDon’t stay the course and leave the path?

The first step would be to seek a new, full-time job.

That, of course, presents a whole new set of challenges. First – I like working from home. Given that the pandemic is still not entirely over – I would really prefer not to enter an office situation. Second – I like that I am not putting mileage on my car via a commute. And third – I love my current part-time gig and would like to be able to keep it.

The upside to a full-time gig includes better pay (given more hours than part-time gigs, let alone salary), potential benefits (which might be better than what we have through my wife’s company), and alleviating the sense of guilt and shame I feel in my given situation.

I do not doubt that I can fit my square-peg self into a given round hole. I’ve certainly done it before.

But the more interesting question is – will this cause me more guilt and shame? Or, rather, a different sense of guilt and shame?

Say what?

I am striving to live up to my personal legend – that which I believe I am here on this earth to do in this life. I’m a writer. That’s my joy, my passion, my skill. I would even go so far as to say it’s my gift.

If I leave this path and no longer stay the course – will I feel worse that I have given up? Am I giving up if that’s what I choose to do?

How do you work this out?

This is not something that you can snap your fingers and call fixed. That’s because there is no one true answer, quick fix, or single, easy option.

Wouldn’t that be great?

This is going to require digging deep. I need to meditate on it. Look into the depths of my subconscious to work out how I’m feeling. More journaling, and it might be time to figure out getting therapy again.

Furthermore, I need to ignore the outside influences – because they are not me, and while there can be some validity in what they offer – overall, they’re just unhelpful chatter. And some, I know, might not be real but in my mind.

Nobody but me can determine if I should stay the course or if it’s time to leave this path. The person –other than me – who has any say whatsoever is my wife. And she says the decision is mine to make. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate her.

Does any of what I am sharing here look familiar to you? While we have not had the same experiences in life – they are likely similar. Hence, you might see some of yourself in what I am struggling with. You are not alone, and guilt and shame – if that’s something you’re feeling – are not reserved for only you.

Do I feel better having shared this? Yes. Thanks for reading.

How do you determine if you should stay the course or leave the path you’re on?

This is the five-hundred and forty-third exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are my ideas for – and experiences with – using mindfulness and positivity to walk along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.

I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world and empower as many people as I can with conscious reality creation.

Thank you for joining me. Feel free to re-post and share this.

The first year of Pathwalking, including expanded ideas, is available here. Check out Amazon for my published fiction and nonfiction works.

Please take a moment to subscribe to my mailing list. Fill in the info then click the sign-up button to the right and receive your free eBook. Thank you!

The post Do You Stay the Course or is it Time to Leave This Path? appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.