Evan Sanders's Blog, page 60

With Great Love

The greatest piece of advice I have ever been given is to ignore everything they say and just watch what they do…ironically enough, the only times I am ever fooled is when I ignore that advice. Happy to say, that’s not the case lately.

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An Absolutely Gigantic Perfect Ridiculous Mess

Everything is colliding right now. It’s a gigantic mess and I love it. Chaos. Pure chaos. Exactly how it’s supposed to be.

There are things converging at a rate I couldn’t have expected. My professional life coaching business launches Thursday (keep an eye open for that) I have significant continued development on my other site which is growing every single week, clients are knocking at my door ready to go and the quiet is coming to an end. This afternoon after a phone call I felt it release as if to say “It’s been fun, but you are on your way.”

Truthfully, I feel like that is where I am tonight. On my way. I didn’t really predict launching my own business this year and becoming a business owner. Woah. It seems like years and years of practice have all come down to this moment and it’s going to be the efforts from my own sweat equity that take my company from 0 to 100. I’m ready for that. I’m ready to start earning based off of my own talents, efforts, and skills. That’s going to feel damn good after having strung together living over the past few years.

But there’s something else at play right now that is really knocking my socks off. I’m seeing something in real time that I’ve never truly felt before. Impact. Deep, profound, tangible impact on other people. Maybe it’s just the people I am surrounding myself with right now but I am directly seeing how much I have been able to change their lives for the better. These are pretty rare opportunities that bring me substantial amounts of happiness and I really am taking them to heart.

I’ll tell you right now, that silence…goodness gracious did it teach me a lot about what’s going on inside and how to really hear the whispers. Silence also seemed to put me into a day long type of meditation…a focus…unparalleled by anything I’ve ever been able to create before. There’s a lot to be said for that, and now that I’m writing this, I remember wishing for years that I would have the ability to quiet down my distracted mind and really get things done. Seems like my wish came true.

Tonight, I feel clear. Clear as can be. That’s why this post is ending now…because honestly I don’t have much more to say. I’ve been anticipating this moment in all that has gone down over the past month…and I’m ready for more hard work to come.

– Evan Sanders

Capable Of So Much

You really don’t even have any idea of where your limits really are…so start tearing down those walls…and get ready for all the magic that will happen when you do. Trust me, it’s worth it

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If you want some more inspiration, quotes, awesome blogs and videos, take a second to check out The Words Of Encouragement and dive into these moving on quotes

To The Wind

This too shall pass. This time of silence and grinding work. It will run its course if I do it right and will come to an end like everything else. From that, something new will begin. Something fresh will come out of the passing of something old. That’s just the way the world works really.

These are strange times. Times of great learning. Times of experiencing many new things. Times of deep understanding. In fact, the greatest understanding that I have come across in a while was why I was actually so uncomfortable with silence. I was so uncomfortable with quiet because it reminded me of something bad way way back. Until yesterday, I didn’t realize that this was the case. I thought it was just the nature of the silence itself…but what I found was that it was my relationship with silence that was steering the experience.

Take your time with the things that are unsettling you. I’ve often found with people that there’s a tendency to not spend a lot of time with something that is brewing inside. Truly, and I’ve been here a million times, we seek to push it away or turn away from it because we would rather not deal with the situation at all. You might get absolutely nowhere with it for a while, but then maybe somewhere down the line, if you actually stuck with it, you’ll get the answer or perspective you’re looking for.

I’ve been sitting in silence for about a month now and it was only until yesterday in a conversation that the truth seemed to bubble up to the surface of my mind. I love those moments. I love those moments because it solidifies the truth about patience. If you are patient with things and watch them pan out, eventually they will end up surprising you. This is just something I’ve found to be true in my life time and time again.

As I move into this next chapter of my life, where all of these different things are about to converge at the same time, I’m understanding how much I am going to need time to clear my mind in the midst of absolute chaos. Truth is, I know I am changing like crazy. Sometimes, I don’t even understand really what is going on or what forces are at play. In fact, I don’t even attempt to try. I just let things be and continue to move in the direction that I know is right for me.

“The Path”…something that I used to see clearly for a few years turned into something completely different as I have arrived at this place. You see, for a long time I saw exactly what I wanted in my life and went out and in most cases, grabbed it. But when all of those journeys ended and I arrived at the end of the concrete road…I was confronted with one of the more interesting things that I’ve ever come across.

At the end of the road, you end up stepping out off of the ledge and creating more path each and every step you take. There is no road now. There’s no safe way of doing this. This is completely uncharted territory for me and it’s untouched by anyone else. That is what has been stirring up my soul a bit lately. The quiet that surrounds it really doesn’t come as much of a surprise when I’m writing this now because literally no one is here. It’s a trip looking down and around seeing nothing but emptiness and forging new path every time I step. For the past month I feel like I’ve been taking these steps with some caution…but it’s time to throw all of that to the wind. It’s time to start running.

You never really know what is going to happen…but sometimes you have the sense that something is going to happen. I’m there right now. I’m feeling it deep inside. It’s time to run.

– Evan Sanders

Kings & Queens

Kings and queens come together. So do the actions

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You End Up Realizing

This is truer than true. I know that all relationships, even the best ones, will end one day. That’s just how life works. Some people are forrest fires and others are cigarette breaks. We have special people in our lives that are those ride till we die friends and others only last a short song. But what I do know for sure is that the things we have and our egos…they don’t even come close in importance to those we care about and love. At least, those are my priorities.

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Transformations

The only thing you are ever guaranteed in life is that things are most certainly going to change. I’m going through some growing pains right now – facing deep fears, getting comfortable with silence, launching a business, discovering new ways of healing, and diving into some of that “darkness” we all have in us. But I know things are going to be just fine. If you’re in the same place, don’t worry…life has a way of taking you out of some things to place you right in the way of amazing ones. Don’t be afraid to ask your circle for support and help. They love you, that’s what they are there for. Keep your karma right and trust in the process.

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Sometimes I Wonder

I’m in the most simple, and yet in a way, the most complicated time of my life. That may sound a bit odd, but maybe I can explain this.

This is the most simple time of my life because I know exactly what I want to do, how I want to do it, who I want to be, and have answered the calling of “what does the world need from me?” My purpose is there, my drive is there, my decisions daily are manifesting themselves in endless amounts of action and I have been on a roll like no other time in my life. Everything is incredibly simple…no one else can really see the path, but I see it clearly. There are these visions that have arisen and I am keeping those to myself, because if I told anyone, well…they would probably think I was a bit crazy. These are for me…I’m keeping them close to heart.

The crazy thing is, I know they can happen. When they do…I’m just going to smile.

Interestingly enough, this is the most complicated part of my life as well. Maybe I shouldn’t say complicated…possibly there’s a different word to all of this. It’s more of a sense in the body. It’s not nervousness…or anxiety…it’s more of a heightened awareness, a sense of things.

I have spent years waiting for this sense without my knowing it. This has brought me to a very interesting place in my life. As I have talked about before, it has brought me to a place of dead honesty, focus, and perseverance to get things done. I’m moving and I’m moving fast…and because of that the results are coming even faster. But with all of this, what is making life a little bit complicated – or at least it feels like it – is this dead silence that has arisen as I have silenced my phone for almost the entire day and focus on what needs to be done instead of distracting myself with the unnecessary. In fact, I’ve spent more time planning out content to be posted on Sundays and putting thought and energy into that time than I ever have, freeing up more time during the ROW (rest of week) to stay in production mode.

This silence is something I talked about in depth over the past week of school and how it is currently playing out in my life. It’s uncomfortable to be honest…and knowing that I am uncomfortable with it is actually the greatest sign that it’s a place for me to grow and develop.

This silence has given me access…all day, to a depth necessary to produce something that is going to help countless amounts of people. This depth has also helped me understand things about myself that I never really saw before. So in a way, it’s complex because it’s making things uncomfortable and my inner critic is going off trying to get me to do all of the things I used to do. But in another way, it’s making things incredible simple. The things that used to bug me before don’t anymore. The constant need for reaching out and contact has diminished and there I am, breathing these ideas and passions like air and putting them into play.

I can see what is to come. While I don’t know what the uncontrollable aspects of this journey are, I can see around the corner and where this all is headed. In the course of weeks I will be witnessing the results of a couple months of grueling hours and work and then it’s off to the races. What happens after that? I have an idea…but what really happens is absolutely a mystery and I’m going to let it unfold as I go.

Something else has been torn out of my life with all of this silence and the creation of this dream…the need for reassurance. All of the surface level distractions, the media, social media as a huge player in all of that, etc. only fueled that need. But as things have silenced…softened…and my mind has become a whole lot less distracted, that shallow need for peoples approval has started to loosen its grip on me. Attention seeking behavior has gone out the door. With that…there goes the need for other peoples approval of what I am doing and what I am up to in this world. But there’s another aspect, something a little bit deeper that I came across in sitting outside just thinking last night that struck me even more.

I felt, for the first time in a long time, this cage start to crack around me.

Why?

This deep fear of not being good enough is starting to fade. May sound preposterous to you, but I’m speaking really from the depth of me right now.

For a long long time, I did things out of being afraid that I wasn’t good enough – no matter how much or how well I did. I’m realizing, that yes I want the best from myself and I ask a lot from myself as well…but I really don’t have to worry much about the judgements or criticisms of others. For a long time I’ve been misunderstood in one way or another by people and that made me either want to prove something or change their minds. In fact, as I explained to a few people…I was afraid of what would happen when all of this stuff I’m working on popped…the audience arrives…and what would happen when the wolves came out to try to tear me apart?

Why was I even scared of this? I know better in my head that this is just going to be part of the process. Quickly, I was reminded that if I build myself on the praise of others or let myself be destroyed by their criticisms…I’m not living in line with what my passion is, but rather functioning like a leaf in the wind trying to please everyone and everything.

No, I must live in the land of “this is my calling and I’m going to do this no matter what.”

That’s really what it comes down to.

So I’m going to go out there and do just that. I may be absolutely exhausted right now – with all the diet changes, hard work, and early mornings…but there’s a dream on the horizon that’s about to come to be and I know that I can do this. I was born for this. It’s in my blood. It’s why I am here.

Let’s go.

– Evan Sanders

The Question I’ve Been Asking

Sometime in the future, I’m going to go into a little bit more depth into what this post is about, but I have some thoughts that I would like to iron out before I do.

Lately, the question that has been popping up into my head is “What does the world want/really need from me?”

What are the gifts that I have that the world really needs? What can I do? Am i doing it? There are many questions surrounding all of this. As I reach the end of my 25th year and look at everything that has gone down this past year, I can really only smile. Yes, parts of this year have been an absolute disaster, but honestly…I couldn’t be ending it in a better way. It took my 25 years to really figure out what I wanted to do with myself…a year spent dreaming big, really going for it, failing big, succeeding big…and landing right where I am supposed to be.

Something was said to me over the past week at school during a session that really struck me. She said to me…”I see you as a eagle…but your caged.” She went on to describe that though the cage may small or even as large as the world, I am caged nonetheless. What is it that I am caged by? This boundary called fear.

I think that’s truly accurate…and knowing that I have many blind spots where I can’t see specific things…I can certainly understand how she came up with this metaphor. Interesting thing is, I’ve never actually had someone compare me to a bird before.

I feel free..but at the same time, I know there are these fears that stop me just short. These are my edges, and boy are they sharp. I’ve gone there many times…and I know what they look like, but I’m really going to have to go beyond them to break this cage.

We talked about wounds. Wounds of old and wounds of new. We talked about how when I get hurt, I hurt bad. It goes deep and because I really do love people unconditionally…the pain feels unconditional as well.

I’ve spent a lot of time throughout the past 5 years learning how to allow my inner light to shine as bright as it possibly can. I’m still learning and am sure that I will continue to learn throughout my entire life. But every single time things get dark, it’s hard. Really hard. Because as much as I have created the possibility for light in my life, there is an equal possibility for the manifestation of darkness. That’s just how life works…balance. So I have to say…I’m still learning ways to really heal. Some of these wounds are deep and I’m continuing to dive into those places with a lot of love and compassion to start the healing process from the inside out.

This journey is endless. Honestly, that’s the fun part. Knowing that it will never end actually gives me strength instead of some worry that one day I will have to figure out what is next. It’s all part of the journey…and that’s liberating as well. Whatever comes next is just another step on the path.

Adventure is out there.

– Evan Sanders

(1000)

I didn’t expect this to happen when I first started this. I didn’t expect to be sitting here writing you a thousand posts later. I didn’t anticipate what would happen to my life. I didn’t know that I would become an integral life coach. I didn’t predict the audience that would gather around this idea nor see that I would take all of my experience over the past 5 years and begin to create something that would touch many more lives. I couldn’t have told you that I would have these amazing people in my life. I wouldn’t have been able to utter a word about the depth of the feelings I have been able to tap into. Could I have told you that people would start knowing me by the “guy who writes?” No, that would never have been in the forefront of my mind.

The only thing I really could have told you was that I knew I was starting something…a new beginning…almost 5 years ago, and that I knew there was magic in that.

There’s amazing synchronicity to things. The fact that I just finished another massive session in my graduate program for coaching, seeing my other project build daily and have my thousandth post come to the surface blows my mind a little. So much in fact that I really have had to sit down and take some time to think about what I really want to say here.

These past 5 days I have spent a truckload of time around some incredible people who all have unique gifts. The things that I thought were “weird” about me – being able to feel other peoples feelings, the levels of depth I am able to tap into, actually understanding how others feel about how they exist in the world without ever uttering a word to me, and being able to see into someone just by looking into their eyes – I’ve realized that there are other people out there who experience these things as well. They each have a body sense that tells them much more than words could ever describe. I guess I really found a community for the first time (besides the one here) of people that I can come into contact with regularly and who really understand exactly what I am talking about. That sense of belonging is something I missed for a long time.

So as I sit here writing you today, I want to start off this post with a poem that I randomly found in a slew of books that touched me. I guess this is a love letter to all of those people out there who are once again falling in love with themselves. This is for all the people who are on a journey into the depths.

The Changed Man

If you were to hear me imitating Pavarotti

in the shower every morning, you’d know

how much you have changed my life.

If you were to see me stride across the park,

waving to strangers, then you would know

I am a changed man—like Scrooge

awakened from his bad dreams feeling feather-

light, angel-happy, laughing the father

of a long line of bright laughs—

“It is still not too late to change my life!”

It is changed. Me, who felt short-changed.

Because of you I no longer hate my body.

Because of you I buy new clothes.

Because of you I’m a warrior of joy.

Because of you and me. Drop by

this Saturday morning and discover me

fiercely pulling weeds gladly, dedicated

as a born-again gardener.

Drop by on Sunday—I’ll Turtlewax

your sky-blue sports car, no sweat. I’ll greet

enemies with a handshake, forgive debtors

with a papal largesse. It’s all because

of you. Because of you and me,

I’ve become one changed man.

– Robert Phillips

I’ve written a thousand posts on just about everything I could think of…and when I start thinking about what piece of advice I would give you after all of this…all of this time spent on tapping into what’s inside and taking dive after dive into the different levels that exist…I would have to tell you this.

Begin.

It all starts with that. You must…begin. All of the things you’ve ever wondered about in your mind, ever dreamed about, ever considered, ever wanted to put out onto paper…you have to start. That starting point doesn’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to have a fancy pen or a great computer…you don’t need to have things in your life in order…you don’t have to have the support network or anything else to actually begin. You just have to…begin.

That may sound like a pretty simple piece of advice, but it’s actually the densest piece of advice I could ever give you.

Throughout my 5 years of doing this, I have showed up so many times into a new day “stuck.” I mean really stuck. Stuck on what to do, stuck on the decision I had to make, and stuck on just about everything else. That stuck feeling only exits when you decide to get moving. Someone once said to me a long time ago that almost always going in any direction is better than not going at all. There is deep deep truth to that.

So get moving. Because without any amount of action, nothing happens. Nothing will ever happen I promise you that. There are worlds out there that you get to explore when you are actually in motion. But if you don’t move, be that because of fear or worry, you will never understand just how much you are capable of. Trust me, you are capable of far more than you could even understand. All of the things I have discovered in this time have come from being willing to risk it all to discover what life has in store for me. So take a chance on yourself…and enter out into the world in a different way. Show up as someone who is taking a stand for adventure and exploration…you never know what you might fight.

But if I had to tell you one more thing…it would be this.

Do it anyway.

Whatever you are scared of doing, but you know deep down in your heart that it’s the thing to do…do it anyway. Love hard. Get your heart broken to pieces. Laugh. Cry. Suffer. Explore. Get cuts and bruises. Allow life to tear you to bits. Risk it all. Lose everything. Gain it all back. The only thing that we are really guaranteed in life is that everything is going to change. So knowing that, you should really just take a chance on doing it anyway. Because if you think for one second that you actually have a grip on life…you’re wrong.

It’s all going to change. That…is the beautiful part of all of it.

That right there is what 1000 days of writing and 5 years of this project has taught me. Change is inevitable. People will come and go. You will lose and gain. Your body will change. Your relationships will change. Your life will change. It will all change. You might as well be a lead character in this thing called life instead of sitting back and watching it all go by. So do it anyway. Take risks. Live as much as you can.

It’s all worth it in the end.

– Evan Sanders