Evan Sanders's Blog, page 59

If You’re Interested In My Writing

Hey Bloggers! A lot of you have asked me if I do guest posting for other bloggers sites. Well…that answer is YES! I have compiled a Dropbox folder full of articles you can put on your website and post them wherever you want. The titles are indicated as well as the content of the post. I would love for you to keep the links in there as well to my other site Words Of Encouragement.

Please let me know if you have any questions! The link is below.

http://btrman.me/1KYCo6J

Happy Blogging

– Evan Sanders

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Want visual encouragement daily? I post tons of great photos on Instagram

Like the blog? You will love The Better Man Project Book

If you want some more inspiration, quotes, awesome blogs and videos, take a second to check out The Words Of Encouragement and dive into these moving on quotes

Let Things Cook A Little

It’s been some time since I’ve written under these strings of incandescent lights draped across my kitchen. The little glow they give off brings a mood out in me. It’s warm, deep…some sort of wavelength that’s hard to describe. Yet, that’s how all body senses are aren’t they? Almost impossible to put to words.

It’s amazing how moods can shift so quickly after being so dramatically present for such a long time. A little while ago, I was writing about the present mood of loneliness / silence because of the long hours of the day I would spend working on something without much contact with anyone. That mood lasted for around a month…and after what seemed like an eternity it decided to just up and go. It exited from me after staying for however long it wanted…and I have to tell you that waking up that next morning after it did really threw me for a loop. I went back to work and felt a little bit more free…a little bit more stable with my feet planet in the ground.

It’s taken me a while to get to a place where I can just say, “In it’s time…it will happen.”

This, is a pretty recent development for me. I think it falls in line with me dropping unaligned goals and ambitions like flies over the past few months. I say unaligned because if something isn’t in direct alignment with my deepest purpose it’s gone. I also make my decisions now from that place…”does this support that? Would I be proud of this decision in 5…10…15 years?” I guess that’s just the development of the timeline in my mind lately.

But back to the in its time concept…everything that enters into your mind will have its time and place if you let it. Problem was, I never let anything cook long enough. I wanted to take that cake out of the oven right NOW instead of letting it do its thing. Once I started letting these ideas, visions, and thoughts take form and shape themselves over time, I realized that they could come out a whole lot more complete than if I forced them.

There’s an interesting balance between doing something right now because you don’t want to waste time and letting something cook for a bit because you know the idea isn’t finished yet. Somehow, I think I’m starting to find that balance…and honestly I think it’s coming through a not so little word called trust.

I trust that I am in good hands. I trust that everything is going to happen at the perfect time. I trust that I have the ability to help other people change their minds so they can change their lives.

There are amazing things happening right now and there’s some backseat urge to try to want to make things go faster. Nope. Can’t happen. I have to let them cook properly. It’s not that I can’t make them happen right this instant, but if I did, I know they wouldn’t be ready.

These next few months should be one hell of a ride.

– Evan Sanders

“Healing” & Its Dirty Little Secret

What’s the dirty little secret? Well, let me tell you a story first.

When I first got into all of this, writing, reading, expanding, exploring…I had some ideas about what the whole personal development process was supposed to look like. I thought I would read somethings, apply them to my life, and problems would magically disappear. A few weeks into the process, I quickly found out that this was not going to be the case at all. The timeline – 30 days – was not even going to be close to enough in terms of the necessary commitment to really heal and I had a sneaking suspicion that pain after pain was going to come out to play and haunt me.

Well…it did. That’s what makes the healing process unique…and that’s its dirty little secret.

From everything I’ve read, nothing really tells you about this coming your way. When we get into the self help industry, we don’t really get much access to how deep and dark some of the times are on this journey of development. We understand that there are things to do and experiences to be had…but there’s this lack of depth, both light and dark, that shows up in the materials we read. Maybe this is because the general population can’t stomach it or possibly because this type of depth is avoided in putting into written form? I really don’t know. But I think it’s doing everyone a pretty big disservice by not telling you about the soul wrenching times that are coming.

Why?

Well, because when you going down the path of improving your life and developing, you will inevitably come across these times and since no one really told you that there were going to be massive challenges coming your way, you end up thinking you’re doing something wrong. The fact of the matter is, you are doing something incredibly right. As the quote says above, and I haven’t found a quote on healing that really sums the process up as accurately as this one…”it rips to shreds the structures and foundations I built in weakness and ignorance.” This is not a gentle process. This is a “ravaging force” and it’s coming to tear apart everything you created out of fear.

This force, however, if you let it do its good work is a cleansing force. But cleansing can be a bit painful at times. Thing is, you can’t shy away from everything that is temporarily painful because you might end up cutting yourself off from the amazing benefits from these processes.

So back to my story. As I went into this process deeper and deeper, I started to find pockets of pain that had manifested themselves in one way or another in my life and when I started to dig into those…what do you think happened? They released! Yeah…that release is great, but it can be painful at times. It can be REALLY painful when you are working with deep emotional pain that you have buried deep down inside forever. If you are brave enough to go there alone, I salute you. Sometimes however, you need support mechanisms to help walk you through those things to really help you feel safe during hard conversations. That’s why I love my job so much – I can be that person for people.

Healing isn’t a nice and clean process. It’s gritty, dirty at times, and brutal at the most perfect-unperfect moments. It’s going to challenge you. That’s the point though. I’m writing tonight to let you know that if you are going through some things in your life – whatever that may be – it’s okay to feel like you are getting ripped to shreds and torn down to the last pieces of who you are. That right there actually means you are doing the good work. The hard work. The work that most people don’t do. You are getting down to the core of what the actual issues are and letting everything else get cleared out. Healing is a method of addition by subtraction. Sometimes, you are going to feel like you are having very important things ripped out of your life, only to find that those things only seemed important because you blew them up in your mind.

Just some perspective for you tonight coming from someone going through some deep healing processes and experiencing it first hard.

Will you make the jump?

– Evan Sanders

Can’t Hold Us

I don’t know how else to explain this but saying it exactly this way…I’m about to go off this year.

The past 5 years have felt like a gigantic first draft of this whole entire project. I’ve dealt with challenge after challenge, had to build some pretty significant characteristics into my life that were lacking, saw dreams crumble and fall, and time after time got back up again. But there’s something different about what’s going on now. There aren’t these massive dragons to be played, these horrible habits to overcome. There’s no feeling of needing to conquer myself because I understand that everything I need is in fact already stored inside, I just have to access it. There’s no desire to start over completely every single time something goes wrong. There’s just what is right now.

And what’s going on right now, on a macro level, is pretty damn exciting.

For a long time, I’ve loved the imagery of a rocket launching. I loved it so much because it was like this massive amount of energy needed to be put into play to get this object moving and taking off towards something. That imagery has been replaced by a lone man sitting in a boat. Pretty different huh? That lone man is happy as can be and loves stopping off to visit other people in their boats as well. Anyone is welcome to come say hi and many times people ask him where he is going. He just replies, “I’m not exactly sure, but I like the feeling of all of this.”

My life has drastically changed from a goal driven mentality to accessing this type of vibe. I have a grand vision yes…and I think it’s important to keep one of those for yourself, but there are many things in terms of exactly how it supposed to look that I leave up to the cosmos. I’ve found and studied a pretty interesting fact – the more you try to constrict and control things, the more insecure you are.

True strength has many forms. You don’t have to become an immovable rock or a fortress to feel safe. You can become like water, you can bend like bamboo, or…you can bring other elements into your life as well. The danger in shutting everything out is that you do an excellent job of….well….shutting everything out. Then, you find out pretty quickly as the years go by that you are alone in this world. You built up all these walls because you were scared of what could happen – not because you were doing it out of love.

As time goes on, I’ve learned more and more than taking walls down that were built out of fear is actually a way to show people that you love them. We’ve all been hurt. We all have damaged parts of us that we are trying to heal. Thing is, the walls have to come down to truly heal in the first place. Letting people into your world can be really tough, especially if it has to do with emotions. But being willing to feel pain in this life is actually a sign of strength in of itself. Avoiding pain actually makes you numb. I’ve been there…oh man have I been there. Some of the worst mistakes I have ever made came when I couldn’t feel anything…and was begging for anything to give me some sort of feeling.

So as all these walls have come down, I’ve started to become more and more free from this cage that was holding me. I felt constricted even though I was granting myself more freedom. It truly was a honest moment when I saw myself as being caged in the first place…and that I created that cage out of fear.

As I said last night, this year is dedicated to putting it all on the line. Last year was an incredible learning experience, but this year is about taking the big steps towards the vision. I’m actually incredibly pleased with how last year turned itself around and gave me some serious momentum to get into this year. I never really thought I would be where I am at right now. But hey, I’m definitely not complaining in the least.

You can’t hold us.

– Evan Sanders

Keep Moving Forward

Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life.

But it ain’t about how hard you hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!

Now if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth! But you gotta be willing to take the hits. And not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain’t you! You’re better than that!

I’m always gonna love you no matter what. No matter what happens. You’re my son and you’re my blood. You’re the best thing in my life. But until you start believing in yourself, you ain’t gonna have a life. – Rocky Balboa

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Let Me Tell You A Story

Let me tell you a story.

Over the past years, I’ve taken some time to go back all the way to the beginning and read those first few posts that started something that would change my entire life. I will never forget the first line I ever put down on paper…”I sit here mashing at the keys in no way a perfect man.” Truth is, that statement is as true today as it was then. I sit here writing to you tonight in no way a perfect man…and with 5 more years of experience under my belt, I realize that I never actually want to be.

When I go back and read those posts, I realize how much I was struggling. The horizon for what was possible in my life was very very short and I couldn’t even imagine a tenth of what I was actually capable of. Life just seemed to be happening to me and I had no role to play in it. The best way to describe it actually would be that was my entire world was on fire…and not in a good way at all. One thing after the next after the next came barreling into me like meteorites and I suffered endlessly without realizing that I had much of any capacity to make some changes.

I guess I did realize that I was capable of one thing though…making a small step in a different direction. That little step changed the course of my life and I doubt I will ever fully understand the magnitude of that moment because I will never be able to see what the other path looked like. Maybe one day after all of this is said and done that will be in store for me – who knows…anything is possible right?

There are some pretty interesting times going on right now, especially in having turned 26 today and looking ahead to what this year could all be about. Traditionally, most people wait till the new year to dedicate their lives to new goals, resolutions etc. I never really believed in that. I’m actually quite the opposite – I believe that long term sustainable growth over time is something that you should aim for because you can really keep at it. Sure, once in a while along that path you are going to have to take big risks…but the goal should be to continue growing every single day no matter how bad it gets. You have to simply never give up. That right there is specifically the reason why my motto for years has been Love – Passion – Never Quit. Keep going no matter what and in the end it will all turn out just the way it is supposed to.

Turning 26 today really made me think about everything I have learned over this past year. Wow, talk about an intense year of growth. I came back from a disaster in LA, picked myself back up, voraciously devoured books, changed my body completely, saw some dreams through that had been out of my reach for some time, took some of the biggest risks of my life, loved people like crazy, faced significant disappointments, found my calling, developed myself nonstop and in the next week I will be launching my professional life coaching business. This year has been an incredible year and it truly has been the most impactful.

There are many lessons I’m carrying with me into this 26th year, but here are some of the most important ones.

There is a whole lot of color in between black and white. Seriously though. The amount of shades of brilliant color in between what we usually deem “right” vs. “wrong” are so beyond our understanding. Thousands upon thousands of different variations. How does this even correlate with understanding life? When you think you have something figured out, just know that there are billions of other perspectives out there. Keep in mind…yours is just one of them. If something is working for you, then great! But if things are not turning out…know you have access to so much information and people that can help you make a change.
People are messy and complicated. So is life. But especially people. You really have to hold people you love with an open palm. This, by far, has been the most significant lesson I have learned throughout this entire year. In the years past, I have had a horrible time letting people go and letting things end. I would hold onto things so tight and I would still lose them. The lesson I’ve learned is that I have to really appreciate people when they are here…and still appreciate them when they feel like they need to leave (for WHATEVER reason). You have to love people…unconditionally. It’s pretty…stinking…hard…to do at times I can tell you that. But it’s better than acting damaged all the time isn’t it?
Risk. You’ve got to go for it at some point. I spent 7 years struggling with fitness and bad eating habits and finally put it all on the table and gave myself one last shot. That “one shot” ended up being a complete game changer.
Positive boundaries. This one is pretty big. Learning how to say no to things because they aren’t good for you is a very powerful thing. It also makes your “yes” that much more powerful. If you just are a complete doormat and say yes to everything…that’s not a very powerful position to be in…or a respectful one to yourself. You have to be willing to understand where your boundaries OUT OF LOVE are…and move past your boundaries created in fear.

I’ve got some things up my sleeve this year. Besides the launching of my coaching practice, I have a few other things that are in the works that I am ready to bring to the table. This past years ability to take risks and go for it has given me the courage to do it again this year. So I’m going to do that. I’m going to take the biggest calculated risks I know I can take and give this my best shot.

I’m going to continue building the life I’ve always imagined.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. – Theodore Roosevelt.”

– Evan Sanders

Want visual encouragement daily? I post tons of great photos on Instagram

Like the blog? You will love The Better Man Project Book

If you want some more inspiration, quotes, awesome blogs and videos, take a second to check out The Words Of Encouragement and dive into these moving on quotes

Superheroes

There are no superheroes. No flying figures in the night that watch over us. No superhuman feats of strength, speed, and agility. No, there’s only us. Only what we are. Only who we are. We may not be able to deflect a bullet or leap from building to building, but that does not mean we aren’t capable of great things. That we aren’t capable of moving mountains out of faith or even destroying them in hate.

I sit here writing this out to you a deeply flawed man. I am no hero, but that doesn’t mean I’ll never be heroic. I have seen myself cower in the face of fear and that has opened my world up to having courage. I have spent years as a emotionally impoverished beggar in the dirt, and yet, does that mean I will not have my day where I defeat my demons and rise as a common champion for the people? No. And this is what I am getting at. If we can humbly accept the truth that we are who we are, to embrace the inevitable fact of our imperfections and put them on display them for the world to see…in an act of honesty and truth… and without fear create through love and for something far bigger than just ourselves…we may never be a superhero…but we can be something extraordinary.

Want more? Dig into my Instagram

Emergence

Sometimes I feel like I’m going a bit crazy with this vision that is in my head. This is very different than a daydream or a scattered dream I’ve created. This vision has become clearer and clearer ever since purpose bubbled up to the surface for me a few months ago. I can paint it. I can feel it. More than anything, I believe it.

I know there are some things I have to leave behind in myself in order to have this vision continue to come to be. However, what i know the most out of anything is that I have to have ridiculous amounts of patience. This is something that I’ve been learning a lot lately and I have to say, as things have been going to far, I’m taking on that lesson well.

In 2 days, I turn 26 years old after one of the craziest years of my life. When that happens, I’ll write a post about all that I’ve learned during my 25th year, but I actually want to continue talking about something completely different.

I tap into what is going on with popular culture and the vibes that are getting sent out by my age group / demographic and slightly above us and have found that a lot of people are focusing on “what they will have when they get there.” The problem is, “getting there” isn’t a guarantee and it’s also a impossible mirage. So I gave up “getting there” and really started to focus on “what type of man do I want to be when I’m…here.” 

I have things that I want to continue to build into my character because it sure as hell calls for more development. I love not being perfect. I love making mistakes – as much as they suck sometimes. I love having constant room to grow and will take on that challenge until the day I die. I know for a fact that patience, focus, and creativity under pressure are a few areas where I can really learn more. The list of things really does go on but those are places I would love to develop in the near future. I’ve started to create a much healthier relationship with silence and find myself enjoying it more than fearing it’s deafening lack of sound.

This vision, the sometimes impossible vision that exists in my head…well, I know it’s possible.

I know that with 2 months more hard work and sweat equity I will be able to enjoy it all. After spending the past month struggling away at trying something new, I know that these next two months will be much easier in terms of actually getting the work done that needs to be accomplished. I’m more skilled at creating what needs to be created and have more ideas about what could actually come forth as great content. There’s a lot of room to grow and a lot of time ahead of me spent doing it. This, more than anything, excites me instead of intimidates me.

Big changes are coming. I can feel them.

– Evan Sanderes

Don’t Chase

Be you. Do your own thing. Work your ass off. Stay compassionate. Stay smiling. Give, give, give. Be outrageously happy. Believe in yourself. Face your fears. Take off your mask. Be vulnerable. Be powerful. Stand up for yourself. Be willing to learn. Be willing to make mistakes. Be confident. Try. Fail. Learn. Win. Love.

Want more? Dig into my Instagram