Evan Sanders's Blog, page 51

3 AM Musings

Very rarely do I get woken up with the strong desire to write. It has probably been a year plus since this is happened but I always pay attention to these moments when they happen. Every single time I am woken up around 3-4 am dead awake something comes of it and it’s usually pretty significant.

Yesterday, without my knowing it, was the 1 year anniversary of when I finished my 100 day eating clean challenge – something that catapulted me into the rest of what this year has brought. When I look back on this year, starting that challenge and actually following through with it completely was one of the most significant moments of my life. It wasn’t about the working out, the lifting, the food challenges etc. – it was about setting my mind to something and getting through it “no matter what.”

I did get through it and it significantly altered my course.

I came out of that going, “What else could I do? What’s possible for me?”

I found a trainer, succeeded in another 12 weeks of grueling training which landed in a photoshoot, looked at other aspects of my life and started to build those as well, surrounded myself with incredible people, started a business, started building a dream on the side that is inches away from being finished and found my world opening up more and more as time went on.

When I think back to this year, it is truly the most meaningful year I’ve really ever had. So much has happened I couldn’t put it all down here even if I tried. The interesting thing is, I can see where the path split and the decision that made it all possible. I didn’t know all of this was going to happen when I made that decision, but I am sure as hell glad that I did.

Forever, this quote above by T.S. Eliot has been one of my favorites. It has been something that kept my mind wondering for years what was really possible for me and what I could possibly accomplish if I wasn’t so afraid.

When I look back on 5 years of writing, I see that when I started this whole thing, the proportion of the steps I was making back then are just as big as they are now. The things I was writing about, the things I was discovering, and the challenges I was undertaking were just as monumental to me then as they were now. I struggled back then significantly to begin – to get the clay moving – and I remember that feeling of gaining momentum. It has been the actions of that man 5 years ago that has given me the momentum to do what I am doing today.

I can’t thank him enough.

Because when I walk into the gym today, there’s a deep focus that never used to be there. When I coach my clients, there’s an understanding and loving connection between us that never used to be there except between me and my closest friends. When I go out into nature, I’ve taken care of my body to the point where I can tackle obstacles, climb mountains, explore….but most importantly, I can connect with what’s around me because I’m not so winded. When I eat my food, I respect what I’m putting into my body instead of filling it with junk. When I dream, I can see what I’m capable of and know what it takes to see it through.

All of these actions that I’ve taken over the past 5 have helped me get to where I’m at right now, with some serious momentum, on the bring of doing something that could drastically change a lot of things.

There used to be some frustration with feeling “stuck” in the past, but the more and more I look back the more I realize that stuck isn’t even close to what is going on right now. Sure I might want to move on with a few things, but what’s happening right now is I’m being primed to rocket farther than I could have imagined. I’m being prepared for “it all to pop” or to “burn the forest down” (metaphorically of course) with everything that is going on now.

Hard to tell you how I know this…but I just know. 

So where am I at now besides hitting 4am right on the nose. I am at a place of much more understanding and clarity of why I’ve been brought to this moment just as I am. It has been one hell of a ride so far, but I have a feeling that these next 5 years are going to be something much more incredible. It will have been 5 years this February 9th starting The Better Man Project, something that even I knew all those years ago was going to change my life after the first 30 days of writing.

I’m in a good place. I’m being taken care of. Now it’s just time for me to continue taking care of business.

-Evan Sanders

What’s Comin’ Will Come & We Will Meet It

I’m on my way. I’ve taken that first step. I have no idea what’s about to come but I do know this…I’ve got all I need. I’ll meet whatever shows up when it arrives – caves, dragons, witches and trolls and all. I’m all in. I’m betting on myself..and that is the most real and exciting feelings there is. Here’s to the future

Explore what life coaching could do for you – aykme.com

The Better Men & Women Newsletter

It’s time to live the life you’ve always dreamed of. How am I going to help you do that? Well, I am very realistic in understanding that not everyone can afford a coach, which is why I created The Better Men & Women Newsletter. How does it work? Every week of the month members will receive a newsletter with exclusive content to coaching videos, personal Google Hangouts group sessions with me where I teach you the skills and tools to effectively and healthily handle emotions, situations, and events in life… motivational content, special discounts on coaching, and resources that will help you in starting your own journey.

The cost? $5 a month. That’s it. These newsletters will be jam packed with valuable information that will help you take the steps necessary to removing your blocks, getting “unstuck” and starting to chase your dreams. So sign up now! Time to live your dream.

 

A Rose In A Dark Room

It has been an extraordinary week.

Like clockwork, my life functions on a “nothing happens at all or everything happens at once” basis. This is just an inevitable reality of how it has always happened for me, and I think I came across an understanding of what that actually is. Let’s see if this makes sense…

It all has to do with walls. Big, shifting, moveable walls. These walls come up when I start coming from a place of “what I should do” vs. what truly resonates with me. I guess tonight is going to be a more vulnerable night than others as I dive into my own personal “story” with you…or at least the story that I used to be living in.

Roughly 8 months ago, I was in a conversation with my own coach about wanting to become more vulnerable with others and developing the capacity to bridge the gap between the people who I don’t know and myself. I really did want to be able to bring more and more incredible relationships into my life but for some reason I was blocked, stuck, and couldn’t see that a way I was living my life was cutting me off from creating this. My coach presented me with something that really changed my life – the story I was living in.

He gave me the story of the marionette, the man who controls the puppet behind the stage. I would find myself at times being the hand and the puppet putting on this show for people. While I did do things that were very vulnerable, I was also disconnected. There was this gap between me and others that I wanted to close desperately because I knew that’s where magic would happen. This story of the marionette is about almost concocting certain things to say or ways of being in order to be in line with what the world thinks I should do. It’s a show. it’s a play. It’s convincing and it was “nice”… but it wasn’t necessarily real or kind. This moment for me, in hearing this story was huge. I saw that this was absolutely the case and I spent so much time wondering what I was going to say to other people to get them to like me instead of being incredibly curious about who they were.

But the true power came when he offered me my new story – The War Painter. For anyone who has read my work over these past few months they may have read stories of this before…but I’ll bring it back up here. The War Painter  goes out into the worst of the worst, the darkness, and paints these beautiful landscapes and scenes of what is happening in the world. He can be in a completely vulnerable state with death and destruction around him and live through the worst of the worst…let all of this pass through his filter – his gifts of life – and bring something beautiful out of all of it. He could live in the dark times and out of some indescribable way create light with it.

His alchemy didn’t create gold…it was the process of creating light from darkness.

Deep down inside of me and what continues to flame brighter and brighter every single day is this joy that is hard to explain. This joy is that filter that my world is filtered through. That joy is the paint that I create these beautiful portraits with. That joy is my creative heart.

So as I have traveled down this path over the past year, unlocked from the previous story of the marionette and living as someone who could live in the dark and create light, I have changed significantly. I’ve changed in ways that I can’t truly describe to you because I can’t really put words to them. I’ve changed as a man and have grown deeper.

Maybe I have casted grappling hooks deep down into every corner of my soul with the intention to belay down…and I have been.

This darkness, this undeniable darkness that we are all surrounded by at times doesn’t have to be the end of us. It can be the beginning. We each have the ability to not only survive the dark times, but to thrive in them. We have the ability to shine as a light for others and to be something so bright that it doesn’t completely replace the darkness, but it does a damn good job of illuminating the landscape.

This story has changed me. I can’t say it enough. It gave me the freedom to create something with everything that I’ve gone through in my life. It gave me the ability to see these experiences in a completely different light and change how the pages of this history I am writing right now are read.

If that’s not powerful, I don’t think anything is.

So as I further discovered this concept of everything happening at once or nothing at all, I have begun to understand that nothing happens when I am living as the Marionette and everything happens when I live as The War Painter. The world is completely open to me when I am open to living in light and in darkness. There’s no show. There’s no play. There are no ropes controlling how I act or moving me in ways that I should act. There’s just me and my deep intentions to show people light and to create beautiful things with all that I experience. I become a reflection of everything that is happening in the world – a mirror to it all – and that allows me to live…fully live.

From all of that…everything I do is a living embodiment of fearless love itself.

How much life has changed…

That’s how a rose could grow in a dark room

-Evan Sanders

Time for a new story? A new life? Discover what life coaching could do for you www.aykme.com

It’s time to live the life you’ve always dreamed of. How am I going to help you do that? Well, I am very realistic in understanding that not everyone can afford a coach, which is why I created The Better Men & Women Newsletter. How does it work? Every week of the month members will receive a newsletter with exclusive content to coaching videos, personal Google Hangouts group sessions with me where I teach you the skills and tools to effectively and healthily handle emotions, situations, and events in life, motivational content, special discounts on coaching, and resources that will help you in starting your own journey. The cost? $5 a month. That’s it. These newsletters will be jam packed with valuable information that will help you take the steps necessary to removing your blocks, getting “unstuck” and starting to chase your dreams. So sign up now! Time to live your dream.

Don’t Live The Same Way Over And Over Again

Maybe it’s time to start actually making those changes you’ve been talking about. Maybe it’s time to actually take that leap of faith. Maybe it’s time to start living the life you’ve always dreamed of. Time to follow through. Time to do something you’ve never done to get something you’ve never had.

Go For Broke

The hell with playing it safe. Go for it all. Try to take the biggest bite out of this life you can. Give away everything inside of you. Put it all out on the line. Take risks with your heart. Go after starting that business, go after your dream, go after stretching yourself past your comfort zone. NOTHING GROWS THERE. Get out of there! Get uncomfortable. Go for broke. Refuse to die an unlived life

Explore what life coaching could do for you – aykme.com

The Best Way Out

You will endlessly suffer by avoiding that which you know you must do. Especially the difficult things in life. Face your greatest fear. Have that hard conversation. Apologize for what you’ve done. Clean up your past. Be incredibly vulnerable in front of someone you lost. You have to get to a place where you’re scared shitless and you’re shaking…that’s where the magic happens. True humility in that moment. Avoid that place and you will never unlock your greatest gifts. Don’t play it safe. Amazing things never happened from comfort zones. Go there…and your mind will be blown

Discover what life coaching could do for you – aykme.com

The Deeper Waters

The captain paced

He paced in his cabin

He paced on the deck at night

He looked up at the stars to see them glimmering down upon him

But he was restless

For reasons only he barely understood

A restless heart

A restless soul

He brought himself to this place

Encouraged others to come along with him

And found himself coming across deeper waters

Waters he’s never seen before

While he traveled many times he’s never seen waters like these

Pure blue, deep, and powerful

As they shifted underneath the boat he could feel the changes

The currents

The strange adjustments in his heading

And there he was finding himself unsettled

Unsure of what is right ahead of him

All this was true

And at the same time, there was another truth

It was always strange to him how both of these things could exist at the same time

The unsettled parts of his soul and yet…

He was sure of the way to go

He trusted himself

But knew he had to dive further into that

He trusted himself

He trusted who he was

What was inside of him

He trusted the path he had chosen for himself

And what that path would yield

He knew there would be these moments

These moments of doubt and deep waters

Moments where he would have to think things over

Moments where he would have to take steps back

Doubt had entered into his life time and time again

Because he was so open

He had destroyed any walls that would protect him from things

He was vulnerable to it all

A mirror to it all

It gave him access to everything he had always wanted

But made him face all that wasn’t pretty

These deep waters challenged him

These deep waters worked over him

They kept him up at night and unsettled him

But in all of that they brought him back

Time and time again

Made him sink his heels further into the deck

Made him dive deeper into himself

To ground himself in what he knew

What he was made of

Who he was

Despite these deep unexplored waters

He knew exactly who he needed to be

He was never going to be a cold and timid soul

Who stood looking upon those who risked

No he knew where he belonged

Risking it all

Traveling further and further into the waters

Challenging everything in himself

Living into the pressure

Experiencing it all

And yet living fearlessly through it

…

…

These deep waters

Yes they are challenging me right now

Far to long now have I wondered

About their depths

But I know I must forge ahead

I will rise to this challenge

Pressure creates diamonds

I know I’m alive

-Evan Sanders

Lbs. & Lbs. Of Patience

Still.

Incredibly still.

There’s a strong relationship I’m building with silence. The walks in the night, the sitting in this little red chair hearing the same patter of fingers on the keys that I have heard for the past 5 years, the quiet. It’s all making more sense to me now. The silence isn’t as much about silence itself, but it’s about the development of patience inside of me.

And I’m becoming incredibly patient.

What’s interesting is that I am allowing for the things that are out of my control to be granted more patience and the passions and interests that roar like a hot fire within me to take up more of my focus. I’ve stripped away things that distract me and have fallen deeper and deeper into creating things that resonate with why I am here.

This patience though, it hasn’t been the easiest thing to cultivate in my life. That story of constantly rowing towards my goals and that being the thing that was going to make me happy had a major grip on my life until about 6 months ago. That island of “where it all turns out and it will be great” was seen as a mirage and I stopped rowing. But after rowing towards it for such a long time you have those compulsions to row from time to time and it takes a little bit to sit back and relax and see what’s truly there.

There are a lot of things going on in my life right now that I have been fanning the fire slowly so to speak. These things have been growing and growing and growing as time has gone on and I am starting to see what they can really make. A couple of these things are actually right around the corner from really happening and it excites everything inside of me because I am seeing the final stages of a dream coming true.

We have to be patient with ourselves and patient with others to see what life has planned for us. When we start trying to plan everything out and make sure things happen a certain way we cut ourselves off from experiencing what is really in store for us. I always come back to this saying…which is – if we try to analyze the future to the shallowness of our minds we will certainly fall short in what is actually possible for us. Time and time again I have ripped my mind back from being in the future and brought it here because I know that I am going to be taken care of and that I have nothing to worry about. I have a general idea of what really resonates with me deeply but I know that the moments are right now and these are the ones that matter.

There have been conversations about how hard I am working but I don’t really feel like it is hard work. I am enjoying what I am doing with every ounce of my heart and soul. Then there’s conversations about what I am doing for fun…but to be honest, I’m doing everything I want to be doing in my life right now. Sitting here and writing to you tonight does more for me than going on a 5 day vacation. This nourishes me. This puts water into my roots and helps me grow. I love doing this and that’s why I’ve made it part of my life.

Everything that I decide to do resonates with me on some level. That’s honestly why I can come here every single day and write something that is going on in my world because I have a whole lot that is in line with what my vision is. I don’t wander around without any direction…and while it is called “direction” it doesn’t restrict me in the slightest from feeling that I’m actually living my life.

I feel more alive now than I ever have before.

I had this overwhelming feeling a while back that I was going to have to do a massive amount of front end work to get this clay moving and when it started to roll into a ball life was going to absolutely take off. Who knows if that was 5 years of work or if it was when my purpose hit me 6 months ago, but what I do know is that this work has been done and there are the remaining pieces of it that need to be ironed out before all of this takes off. The momentum is there and I’m watching it happen every single day.

I’m trusting. I’m trusting in myself and who I am.

This is not something I could have said years ago. Why? Honestly, I didn’t even know who I was or what I was capable of back then. I was still trying to answer questions about what really mattered to me in terms of building some sort of foundation. But now, I feel like I’m being guided by some deeper current that I can’t really see. While my mind does run in the shallow end sometimes wondering if things are going to happen, or if this will go this way or that way, or blah blah blah…I now just fall back into knowing that things are going to work themselves out.

There’s a really interesting balancing act to this patience piece though that I’m still working with.

The piece I’m working with and that has been on my mind is understanding when things have run their course and knowing when there are still developments to be had. It’s interesting because it’s not like there’s a specific frame that helps you decide one or the other. Instead, it’s this gut intuition that guides you and tells you when it’s time to set your sails or if it’s time to stay. That has been an incredibly thought provoking aspect of all of this that I haven’t really thought  through in regards to everything in my life.

But hey, if you end up trusting yourself and what you know is right deep inside…you could always move forward right? You could always know that what you’ve decided to do was the right thing and continue trusting yourself no matter what.

I think that’s a pretty cool thing to have.

I think that’s what I’m being taught here

-Evan Sanders

To dive into my brand new website all about my coaching please visit aykme.com for information, blogs, plans, and everything you need to know.

Time To Live Your Dream

I’ve seen 3-6 month coaching programs change people’s lives.

I have so so much fun working with people over this period of time because honestly development takes time. But I wanted to make a blog for you today that gives you an idea of what’s going on in this plan, what do we do in our coach and client relationship, and how do we work together?

What’s involved in a coaching plan?

Well, when we get into a coaching relationship together, I start off with this…

I really want to hear about your dreams, goals, and visions for yourself…where you want to be…and where you are stuck at now? What you need now? What you’ve tried in the past and what’s not working for you.

This begins helping me get a look at your entire life – your relationships, what’s going on in your internal world, what’s going on in your environment, what’s going on with your body – and get to look at you as a whole person. This is not a type of coaching where I go, “Ok, we are just going to work on relationships and that’s it.” I don’t think compartmentalizing coaching like that really works. There are of course some examples that really do work but I think it’s a different type of coaching. I’m interested in looking at you as an entire human being and looking at how these different pieces work together versus just focusing on one aspect of your life.

Because if you focus on that one aspect you might get great results – that’s fantastic! – but you can’t forget that you have a body, that you have a soul, a heart, and everything else like that.

So this is taking a holistic view of you and I get to soak up everything about you as a coach and understand the story you are living in.

So what does the coaching part actually entail that actually comes in one of these coaching packages?

The first and most important thing that I want to tell you is that this plan that I create for you is tailor-made specifically for you. There is not another plan out there like it…it is just for you and it’s fully customized to your needs.

So how do I actually go about creating this plan?

First, we have an hour to an hour and a half long call where I ask about your relationships, your body, your entire world…and I get to get a sense of what is actually going on for you. What’s the main issue at hand? Is there some more running deeper than what is on the surface? I also get to have a sense of what your story is – how you are living in the world now – and how is that creating the results that you are getting.

Then I take a week thinking about all of this, mulling it over, soaking it in, and then get to come to you with a new story. A brand new story that could change your entire perspective on how you would look at the world. So that’s piece 1 – this new story.

Then there are outcomes for the coaching program. The outcomes are things that would be incredibly beneficial to see come from the coaching program. These outcomes are primarily what the entire coaching program is built upon.

So there’s the old story.

And there’s the new story.

The outcomes…

There’s a purpose for the entire program and then come the self-reflection, self-awareness, self observation exercises coupled with practices –  things that are going to help you cultivate these outcomes in your life.

Also, you have my full support throughout this entire program. So in the details arena, if it’s a 3 month program we meet every week for 3 months. If it’s a 6 month program we meet every week for 6 months.

Personally as a coach, I love meeting with people every single week because it keeps the momentum rolling and keeps the flow going. I think meeting once a week gives enough time in between sessions to really see some movement within your life and gives us the ability to start to see together what the challenges and victories are.

You also have my support via email throughout this entire thing through the weekdays just in case you come across any serious issues or roadblocks that you may need help with. You can send me questions, concerns, realizations, ideas, and anything else you can think of regarding the program and the path you are on.

So that’s a little bit about what the 3 & 6 month coaching programs are about in terms of specifics of what’s created in these custom development plans for you.

But before we go, I want to talk a little bit more freely about these coaching relationships and what happens between coach and client. The thing that continues to knock my socks off about these relationships is what happens when people really take on a new story for themselves. The thing I hear the most when people hear this story for the first time is ,”I didn’t think that I could see it that way?!”

I love hearing that.

My job as a coach is to see the blind spots of what you cannot see. The reference I usually make with this is – it’s really hard to see the picture when you’re in the frame. So even I work with coaches that help me see my own blind spots as a coach that allows me to continue to grow and develop so I can coach other people better and better. So as your coach, just know that I believe in coaching so much that I have my own coaches and that I am developing further capacities and skills to bring to the table to help you more and more.

But what continues to surprise me is how much clients change as they fall deeper and deeper into these coaching programs.

It’s amazing to see the realizations that people are having, these big moments of gratitude and victory…it’s just fun for me to be able to help you get “un-stuck” if you are trapped in something…and it’s also fun for me to help you begin to achieve your vision for yourself, or at least get on the path to that vision.

In all, I just wanted to drop this blog and tell you that this is a little bit about what I am doing with the clients I am working with right now and that I would love to work with you. If you are interested in something like this, let’s get on a free consultation call together and discover what the possibilities are. If you are unsure about coaching and want to learn more, the best way to understand coaching is actually to be coached by me!

If you are up for a life changing experience and ready to learn a little bit more about working with me, please email me at aykmecoaching@gmail.com or contact me through the contact form below.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Time to live your dream.

– Evan Sanders

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