Evan Sanders's Blog, page 52

Of Mountains Climbed & Adventures Had

Each time I climbed that mountain I brought something completely new with me and left something old behind. I left behind any fears, doubts, worries about things that had no business being given the amount of time they were given. I leave behind things that I know I can subtract from my life. Each time I have climbed that mountain I let those things scribble themselves onto little pieces of paper and then take off from my palms into the wind. 

I believe in the power of dreams.

I believe that if you really believe in something that you can go out and make it happen. You may never really know how much it will take to accomplish your dream, but if you’re willing to continue fighting the good fight you might just see it through.

That’s the story I want to tell throughout my life…of mountains climbed and adventures had.

I want to tell you the story of my life as it goes on day by day and take you back to moments that have brought me up to the sky or rattled the deepest cages of my soul. I want to take you into what I can see in the future and how I am trying to create it now. I want to tell you my story…and I want that story to whisper to you possibility.

The last time I climbed that mountain I left all of my worries about not accomplishing the dream I’ve had for myself since I was very young. I climbed back up there with someone who has supported those dreams of mine, encouraged me through them, and has seen me grow into what I am becoming. Standing one month out exactly from making that dream happen…and having this time period of my life captured in a photo…I am more prepared, more ready, more confident than ever that I know I can cross the line and light a whole part of my life aflame in having achieved something years and years and years in the making.

There are many adventures to be had.

There are many mountains to be climbed.

I’m out of words tonight because I’m in such a place of peace that I really don’t need to say much. I don’t need to say much because I feel incredibly warm inside.

There are moments that I will never forget. These moments belong with me, close to the chest right where they belong. That’s where they will stay.

-Evan Sanders

To My Loyal Fans, I Need Your Help

The Better Man Project fans,

For years, 5 years to be exact coming up this February 9th, 2016, you have been there throughout my entire journey and watched me grow and develop as a person. You’ve read my work, listened to my stories, left tens of thousands of comments on my blog and became just as much a part of all of this than anything else.

I need your help.

Recently I launched my business AYKME Life Coaching and have had an absolute blast working with the clients I have taken on already. I’ve watched lives transform, I’ve seen people make incredible breakthroughs and have enjoyed helping people work through roadblocks, obstacles, and mental barriers to help them start living the life they have always wanted to.

I’ve never been in a better place in my life and feel incredibly fulfilled by doing this work.

I would love your support in my following request.

I have 5 more openings to take on people who are in a place where they really want to make a positive changes and who are willing to start the greatest adventure of their life. I’m looking for people who know they are meant for more than whatever is going on right now and are willing to take on a completely new story in order to change their life.

I would love your support in finding these potential clients because out of anyone anywhere, the people who read this blog know me the best and your recommendation would be incredibly powerful.

If you have anyone in mind, please tell them that I would love to talk to them to see what is going on in life and see if we are a good fit for each other.

Thank you for always supporting my work and if you need to contact me please reach me at aykmecoaching@gmail.com or respond to this blog post.

I really do appreciate you being there for me throughout all these years. This is the beginning of something and I know with your help it can absolutely take off.

All the best,

Evan Sanders

aykmecoaching@gmail.com

The Discovering Of Oracles

If you didn’t have anything to lose and had everything to gain, how would you live?

Would you play the biggest game you could in life?

Would you spend your time in a such a way that you knew it would create something never seen before?

Would you love in such a way that would change the hearts and minds of those around you?

Could you step into the mindset of being able to do anything?

Would you chase your dreams?

Would you speak the words that have always been ready to come out of your soul?

Would you write in a way that you knew could send vibrations around the world?

I would say so.

Oh how your hands and heart can tremble, but how exciting it is. It’s the most enlivening thing in the world to risk. Who really knows what could happen? Could you fall? Yes. But what if it became the greatest adventure of your life? What if everything you’ve ever asked for and dreamed of was right on the other side of a decision you are being called to make? What if you knew that everything you’ve ever been seeking is also seeking you…and you just had to say yes to the possibilities? It would all be worth it wouldn’t it? This life…it can be a journey into the unknown if you let it…and there’s so many treasures in store for you. So many surprises. So many achievements. So much love. ⛵️ 

It’s great risk that makes us so alive. The same thing that scares us to death at times is exactly the thing that we need to do in order to grow. Because if you’re comfortable, you’re not growing. It’s only when you start to panic a little bit, you start to stress out, you start to doubt and wonder about the things that are going on in your life that you really know you’re stepping into new ground.

The stress and pressure is an indicator that you are doing something right.

They are there to teach you. But not many of us look at negative emotions as oracles for our life do we? Instead, we try to run from them as fast as possible or stuff them down to not deal with them at all. That doesn’t really work in the long run though because those emotions end up manifesting themselves in all sorts of weird ways – sometimes physical, most of the time mental and emotional – and bubble back up when you start to feel the pressure cracks again.

For the longest time I was scared to go into the dark, to do the shadow work – that place where the pain lives – because I was afraid that if I went there I would never be able to get out. However, as I was challenged to go there with the story of The War Painter I started to develop relationships with these negative emotions. Trust me, I could tell you more about anxiety and paralyzing fear than you could imagine. These emotions, amongst others, I started to see as oracles. As I learned how to paint and create life from these emotions I understood that everything we make in this world doesn’t always have to be coming from a positive place. Yes,  creating positive things from positive places is a great thing to do. But what I’m talking about here is being able to take the worst of the worst, let it pass through you, to feel it deeply and connect with it emotionally, and create something beautiful with that.

This has had a major impact on the way I write these days.

Because honestly, there are days where I sit down to write where I am being completely overwhelmed by something that has surfaced or an event that has just happened in my life. It takes me a long time to process things that are going on, but that deficiency that showed itself in school actually turned out to be one of my greatest strengths – because I spend more time with things that most people so I understand exactly what it means to me. Throw in the fact that I am deeply connected with the emotions that run through my life and I’m able to create something out of all that life has to offer me. Good events. Bad events. The past. The future. All of it.

As I connected more with The War Painter and saw that I could express things in a different and creative way, I found myself falling into using my other channels in more creative ways to say what I needed to say. I will blog here, I will speak into the microphone in a different way, I will post something to Instagram that adds to the story, and the list of things that I’m involved in goes on and on. They aren’t disconnected though…they are all intertwined and work together as one story – the story of my life during that day.

Something that has been absolutely throwing me for a loop in the best way possible is going back and recording all of the posts from the beginning of this project. I know I’ve mentioned it before, but getting 50 posts into it today and hearing everything again has struck me. I can’t believe that it has been 5 years. But what’s striking me more than anything else is that I am learning from what I’ve written. To me, that’s actually a good sign…that I can keep my mind open enough to hear these lessons again and let them sink in. While there are things that I actually disagree with now being where I am at 5 years later…I still resonate deeply with a lot of the things that were said.

That man who started this project 5 years took a deep breath and went for it.

I can tell you for a fact that I didn’t see any of this being possible. I didn’t see what is going on now happening. A million plus views later, 100,000 plus fans and the launching of a business…and being right on the cusp of making an incredible dent in the world. I didn’t see this coming. I didn’t know that was a possibility for me all those years ago.

But isn’t that the point?

You take a risk in life and you go for it and you end up being set on a path that reveals itself to you as time goes on.

So what are you going to do? Play it safe or really go for it? It could be the greatest adventure you’ve ever been on if you decide to face that fear and do it anyway. That takes some guts. But the result…greater than anything you could imagine.

-Evan Sanders

What I Heard In The Silence

It’s doesn’t really strike me as strange that ever since I’ve been going back and recording the posts from the beginning of The Better Man Project that I’ve learned a thing or two. In fact, one of the greatest challenges I’ve had over the past 6 months came together this evening – I’ll get to that in a second – and I had this overwhelming rush of my vision for the future coming true. I’m in a place right now of things falling together. That’s a very new place. The vision I’m talking about has been a massive stretch for me in terms of what I want to accomplish within this next year…but there was something about today that brought that little extra bit of faith that I needed to fully believe in it. So sitting here tonight, I have a big smile on my face and I’m going to tell you why.

About 3 months ago, I asked for help from a fellow coach and incredible woman with something that was really taking a toll on me. I asked for some guidance in dealing with silence. What seemed to be grinding away at me was that my decision to go out on my own, take a risk, not work the traditional 9-5 and chase my dream came with an unknown consequence – dead silence throughout most of the day. If I wasn’t playing music it would be as quiet as quiet could really get in my place.

So there I was, working away, with this eerie silence in the background and was struggling with it.

My friend didn’t really help me with the issue of silence, but inquired more into how much of the darkness I was really discovering? Hmm. After my mentor coach had presented me with a new story of being The War Painter – a man that goes into battle zones and paints beautiful pictures of not so beautiful events…allowing the event to pass through his filter and create something amazing out of it – I started to wonder how much I really was creating with that thick black darkness?

This silence though, and the presence of silence, still was getting to me. I was uncomfortable. I was on a bit of an edge and sometimes would just start to play music instead of really letting that silence sink in. But today, sitting down in the early morning to write in my notebook, this idea struck me and everything seemed to slide into place after that.

They say that the spaces in between the notes is just as important as the playing of the note itself. That’s how great music is made.

In a world where we are always communicating, always doing something, always trying to touch base, reach out, the list goes on…there’s not much room for silence. There’s no pausing in between the notes to create those spaces for a beautiful life. We live in the age of tweets, snaps, Instagram photos, plusses and likes…it’s overwhelming. Part of my heart, and maybe this is just the old soul in me, is really uncomfortable with it all. This is coming from a guy who is heavily active on these platforms…but my reasons for being there are to leave people a little bit better off than I found them and to inspire their hearts and minds. If I have to sacrifice a little bit of my comfort for that then so be it – it’s my passion and purpose…and not all that comes with that is comfortable.

Those spaces in between the notes…that silence…that makes everything magical when it comes together. In the past, I’ve had to fill that void with so many different things, but as I grow older and spend more time discovering what is going on with myself, I realize that this quiet is the time that I really need in order to process, to let things sink into me, to go on night walks and listen…listen to everything that is right here…even if that is the presence of dead quiet.

I believe that we often use our words to fill the void as well. However, while words are incredibly powerful, there really is nothing more powerful than sitting with someone and having them feel you and you feel them without touching or even saying anything. There’s something incredible about being able to have a presence that can touch the heart of someone else and be able to sit in that silence.

For me, as time has rolled on, I am starting to appreciate these quiet times as I know that within the next year things are going to get a whole lot less quiet. I have that gut feeling deep inside of me that what I’m working towards is going to make an impact…and everything that has been burning in a controlled manner is going to come together and burn the forest down. I can’t really explain to you how I know this in my heart…I just know.

I calmly know this as if I was being prepared for it right now. There’s no nervous anticipation, there’s no overwhelming excitement…it’s a steady powerful vibration that almost whispers to me “you’re ready.”

Truth is, I am ready.

I don’t know exactly what is coming my way, but I do know that I’m going to be fine. I’m well taken care of. I’ve been building an incredible support system around me for the past 5 years. I’ve been preparing myself for this moment for years on end. The moment itself will be a surprise, but the man who shows up in that moment…I know him very well. I know who he is. I know what he is made of. I know that this young man can fearlessly love the world even though the world may try to destroy him. I’m willing to take a stand for it…for that fearless love…because what could be a more worthwhile cause than to dedicate every cell in your body to love?

Nothing.

Here I am.

This is what I heard in all the silence

-Evan Sanders

When You Start Tearing Down Walls

Something there is that doesn’t love a wall,

That sends the frozen-ground-swell under it,

And spills the upper boulders in the sun;

And makes gaps even two can pass abreast.

The work of hunters is another thing:

I have come after them and made repair

Where they have left not one stone on a stone,

But they would have the rabbit out of hiding,

To please the yelping dogs. The gaps I mean,

No one has seen them made or heard them made,

But at spring mending-time we find them there.

I let my neighbor know beyond the hill;

And on a day we meet to walk the line

And set the wall between us once again.

We keep the wall between us as we go.

To each the boulders that have fallen to each.

And some are loaves and some so nearly balls

We have to use a spell to make them balance:

‘Stay where you are until our backs are turned!’

We wear our fingers rough with handling them.

Oh, just another kind of outdoor game,

One on a side. It comes to little more:

There where it is we do not need the wall:

He is all pine and I am apple orchard.

My apple trees will never get across

And eat the cones under his pines, I tell him.

He only says, ‘Good fences make good neighbors.’

Spring is the mischief in me, and I wonder

If I could put a notion in his head:

‘Why do they make good neighbors? Isn’t it

Where there are cows? But here there are no cows.

Before I built a wall I’d ask to know

What I was walling in or walling out,

And to whom I was like to give offense.

Something there is that doesn’t love a wall,

That wants it down.’ I could say ‘Elves’ to him,

But it’s not elves exactly, and I’d rather

He said it for himself. I see him there

Bringing a stone grasped firmly by the top

In each hand, like an old-stone savage armed.

He moves in darkness as it seems to me,

Not of woods only and the shade of trees.

He will not go behind his father’s saying,

And he likes having thought of it so well

He says again, ‘Good fences make good neighbors.’

-Mending Wall, Robert Frost

When we begin to tear walls down, we let out our gifts to the world around us, and let in everything that we were once scared of.

Erecting walls to protect yourself from things that you don’t want to feel ever again is an incredibly effective thing to do. We fear our fears, we don’t want to feel the pain and hurt of whatever happened in the past, we push away emotions that are hard to deal with and spend our lives reinforcing that wall to barricade everything out. In the end, we’re successful in doing it. We construct the grandest walls you’ve ever seen and get to look out onto the world from the safety of our fortress.

And yet, the things that walls do best end up – walling things out – end up doing something else – walling us in.

Walls are incredible and keepings things away from us, but they have a dirty little secret. As amazing as they are in protecting us…they shut us off from life. They participate in trapping us in a mental prison that is unbelievably hard to escape from. Walls numb you. Walls protect you. Walls keep you a distance from what real living looks like.

Can you live a pretty good life all walled up and safe?

Yes.

My dad goes…”Evan, you have loved life with a fiery passion since you were little…don’t ever lose that. Don’t ever let anyone take that from you.” Light that fire inside. Love others so passionately they couldn’t ever forget about you. Serve the world in a way you’ll be remembered forever. Live your life in a way that inspires the hearts and minds of those who witness it. Will the challenges come? Yes. Will you be scared to take that leap of faith? Yes. Will your past and what you’ve experienced try to paralyze you from making a decision about what is amazing in your life right now? Yes. But do it anyways. Don’t be an “eh” with all that is in your life. Be an F YAH. Be unreasonable. You only have one chance at doing this thing called life…might as well go out with all engines burning.

But that’s not where you’re really going to feel alive. That’s not where you are going to explore. Your greatest adventure does not live within the walls that you’ve constructed for yourself. Your greatest adventure lies beyond the trees, beyond the horizon, and away from the safe harbor.

Why do we construct these walls?

Mostly fear. Fear that if you take the walls down that you will get hurt again. To tell you the dead truth – that’s going to happen. You are going to get hurt again. The only thing that I can really tell you as a guarantee of life is that things are going to change…and with change, there’s often some sort of pain that is attached to it. But that’s life. Things come and they go. Things shift and change. Things flow like the ocean.

But when the walls come down and you are open to everything, you get to give your gift to the world. Sure you stand there naked and vulnerable in front of the world letting life flow through you like it wants to…but that’s the point. Being vulnerable to the point where you can allow shame, grief, pain, courage, wisdom, love…all run through you is the gift of life. To feel everything deeply and to enjoy this life of mystery instead of trapping yourself in a world that you can control…that’s living at its finest.

My life has changed in drastic ways over the past year in the way that I’ve torn down almost every wall – or in the process of de-bricking others – that I can find. What has this done for me? I can experience everything. I can experience things the way that they are instead of the way that they “should be.” I don’t really put any pressure on the future anymore because I know that what is going on right now is 100x more awesome than anything the shallowness of my mind could see down the line. I know that I’m in good hands and that I will be taken care of if I show up and deliver what I’ve been given every single day.

That’s when I’m truly happy.

There’s no seeking happiness anymore…I let it seek me.

But the most incredible thing that has happened when I tore down the walls is that I discovered I was holding things in for such a long time that I never let anyone see. I knew that I could love others, but I didn’t know that I could fearlessly love them without any amount of demand from them on a “return” of that love. I give that without expectation…and whether it is accepted or not is not my worry. I didn’t know that I could shatter the mental prison that I was locked in for almost 10 years because of what had happened in the past. I didn’t know many things and only started to understand what I was capable of when I let my fears swim in and let my gifts swim out.

And yet, something trumped all of that…

I started to help others tear down their walls…sometimes without them even knowing it. My life changed from being focused on where I was going to what I could give to the world. I found my place here. I found what I was supposed to be doing with my life. It was only when the walls came down that my purpose bubbled up from the depths of the ocean and I found direction.

Even when I’m “lost”…I’m still directed by this.

Even when I have no idea what to do…I know. 

It’s a hard thing to explain but when you go down the path I’m talking about, you will find out for yourself exactly what I mean.

So before you build a wall…ask yourself, “Who am I walling in…and what am I walling out?”

-Evan Sanders

Interested in what life coaching could do for you? If you’re in a place where you are stuck or finding yourself wanting more for yourself but not sure of which way to go, let’s talk. All you have to do is email me at aykmecoaching@gmail.com and we will set up a time to chat and see if we are a good fit to work with each other. No catch. No obligations. I’m here to help you change your life. So don’t wait another minute and email me. Take the leap.

If you’re ready to commit to coaching on the other hand, check out the options below.

For 1-on-1 phone or Skype coaching click here: http://btrman.me/1Hy93h1

For fully customized 3 – 6 month coaching programs click here: http://btrman.me/1JkS2ET

To purchase my recently published book “Two Wolves” click here: http://btrman.me/1CKn7oE

Starting To See Dots Connect

Extraordinary.

I think about this word a lot actually. What it would mean to do this life in an extraordinary way? What it would be like to love people around you in a way that was so extraordinary they would forever be branded by that love…a love that was unforgettable in the finest sense of things…

I have been and always will be a young man chasing dreams. Even when I am old and gray I hope to still have that fire inside of me that will want to explore the unknown…hopefully taking my boat out into open waters and sailing around the world. The sea is in my blood. The ocean. The changing and shifting of things constantly. The mountains are my heart. I finally am beginning to understand why I was always so torn between living next to the ocean or living in the mountains. Each of them are beyond fundamental to my living. The heart. The blood.

This week has been such an extraordinary week in the way that I have arrived at so many different interesting places that I can feel defining me already. Truly, I am traveling in uncharted waters and the hardest thing to do at times is to be able to look myself in the mirror and say to myself, “Faith. Faith is all you need.”

My faith runs as deep as the depths of that same ocean and it creates the currents that I travel by. But there has still been that struggle at times to also say to myself, “I am the one.” I am the one who has been chosen to go on this voyage…I am the one who can accomplish what these visions have created in my mind…I am the one who is the perfect fit for this journey.

Because in truth, if I don’t chase after this dream in the time I have left in this life…there will be things that would die with me that would never be seen again. I can’t let these visions die with me…they have overwhelmed me with emotion and goosebumps at times and I have shared them with only a few…and as challenging as they are at times they excite me beyond belief. What if I really did do that? What if I could watch this happen? Can I really do it.

Evan…you’re the one.

It has taken me some time to get to this place…where I am at this evening, but I can feel it starting to sink in. There are all of these situations going on in my life that are asking me to finally just say it…

You’re the one kid. You are exactly what we need here. You’ve taken it this far with that shred of doubt still living inside of you but we need you to say it to see these things through. We need you. All of you. Everything you’ve got.

And here I am…ready to give it.

Like I’ve said in previous posts, I want to show you what I’m creating instead of telling you, but I can tell you this. What will happen when I go back into what I’m working on full-bore and without hesitation will change my life. It will allow me to live in such a way that will forever not just change my reality, but the realities of those who are close to me. It will change how I live, how I travel, how I spend my time, who I spend my time with, but most importantly…it will allow me to enter into the arena and establish a type of “reach” that I’ve never had before.

My mission in this life is to touch the corners of this earth with encouragement…because honestly, the world needs it. The world desperately needs someone to fearlessly love the people and things that are in it. It needs encouragement. It needs healing. It needs some passion, some uncaged enthusiasm, some more love.

And here I am, sitting typing away at my computer on September 13th 2015 finally saying…I’m the one to give it.

These callings, these deep callings to give something I’ve been given as much as I possibly can away in pure faith are as much a part of me as anything else right now. They have come to define me down to my core and have built themselves into my structure. I can’t get rid of them. I can’t ignore them. I can’t look past them. Trust me, I’ve tried. I’ve tried to keep them at bay because they were so grandiose that I couldn’t possibly believe that this was what I was supposed to take on. In the past people have tried to quiet down my enthusiasm and excitement for my dreams for one reason or another and I started to believe what they were saying. But as they faded away and I brought positivity into my life, I started to see once again that the dreams never died…they’ve just been waiting for me to really give it everything.

I can’t tell you exactly what is around the corner because it’s all fog to me. I’ve never been in a better position in my life because of all of the work that I have done throughout the past 5 years of really discovering what the hell I was made of…and you would think that this would allow me to look farther into the future and understand things…but I can’t. It has actually snapped my focus back to what is going on right now and since I’m sailing in places I’ve never gone before I actually have no idea what the hell to do at times – but I still feel led. I feel led by some sort of deep gut intuition that is telling me to head this way, say this, do this, continue being this and it will all work out…I’m feeling these things deeply and who knows if that is inner wisdom or something else.

But what I do know is that there’s this long term vision, and then there’s me right now. There’s this young man chasing his dreams like I was a crazy man chasing happiness.

And I love it.

I love it all.

But I’ve been waiting for this moment for a long time.

And I’ll say it again.

I’m the one.

-Evan Sanders

Oh Captain My Captain

This entire week, it has been mulling in me. This feeling of something just being slightly off. I couldn’t figure it out for the life of me because I felt like everything was fine and handled but it wasn’t. There was something still just not quite right about where I was that felt like as sticking point for…years.

It came down to this.

Belief.

Belief that everything I am doing is going to send me in the exact direction I need to be headed in. Belief that all of the extra effort, going the extra mile, the discipline, the focused ambitions, the hard work, sweat, tears…all of it, will take me where I need to be taken. I don’t know exactly what all of it is going to look like right now – how could I. But what I do know is that I am headed that way…I am loving that path…and I have faith that I have the ability to do what I was put here to do.

But here’s the kicker.

For the longest of times, my mind has been distracted by all sorts of things. Mostly…the #1 if I’m going to be completely honest with you…is what other people are doing. What are they doing and chasing after etc. What are they up to? I’ve been focusing pieces of my mind on what other people are doing instead of paying full attention to the path I’m on right now. When my mind would go off into another persons world my critic would go off and unravel everything that was going on in mine. Truth is, I would end up being undisciplined in continuing to see my purpose through every single day because my mind was getting distracted.

And lord how many distractions are there in the world today…far too many.

So I took care of what I needed to take care of (deleting some apps, getting myself off of social media, restructuring my working process) and taking a deeper level of commitment to what I’m up to.

Why?

Because I believe. I believe in this vision that I have in my mind. I believe that it’s possible for me – I mean really believe. It is possible for me. I am capable. I have what it takes. But what was the next step – more discipline in the area of what was taking me out of the game.

If I don’t fully go for what I know I can achieve, I will live in regret. This has been a week and a half of this same conversation over and over and I think it’s a sign. The only way that I’m going to live in a place of no regret is to do everything I know I can do. So I’m going to do that.

I’ve removed the distractions.

I’ve removed the things that needed to be taken out of my life so I can show up and provide what I know I can.

Sometimes, it’s about adding through subtracting. This is where I am at now…focusing on what really matters instead of letting my mind get pulled away by the noise of it all. I made the decision because it’s what resonates deeply with me. That feels good. It all feels good. I’m in a much better place.

-Evan Sanders

& Sometimes You Find Yourself Not Knowing

I’ve found myself in an interesting place tonight. I guess it had been in the works for a few hours as the sun was going down…but I now find myself sitting outside once again listening to this orchestra of crickets sing away. As the months get colder, they will be gone. This familiar sound will be replaced by the stillness of cold air and here again, I will sit, only to hear leaves falling off of the trees and my own breathing.

The reason why I feel strange about this place I’ve landed tonight is because I’ve never actually been here before. In ways I have, but this…this is different to me. It’s all new. It’s all unknown. What I’ve been pondering throughout the day is purely about what I should do right now. As the day went on, the question was brought up in my mind. “What feels right to you?” and I quickly found my answer. I know what feels right to me. I know that what I am going to do may change somewhere down the line – I always leave myself open to that because I continuously run into unknowns and I don’t want to be stuck with one approach – but I really started to dig into what this path means to me…this journey…and why I am doing what I am doing.

It took me a long time to start making decisions based purely on internal factors inside of me that are telling me which direction to go. I’m not saying that external factors don’t play a part in all of this…but what I am saying is that when it comes down to it…I listen inwards. I listen to what that inner voice is telling me to do because I trust that voice. When I sit down to write, I hear that voice speaking – me and it are one of the same. But when I fall into questions…that voice is the deep low whisper that tells me that I am in good hands. That I don’t have to see the end result and that I can walk by faith. It’s almost like a “I got you, don’t you worry.”

That’s a really good feeling to have.

At times, it can be incredibly hard to trust in this voice. Honestly, it’s because that voice runs against the loud critic inside that is telling you to worry about each and every single thing that pops up. It tells you time and time again to run like hell or to panic…but the reality really is that there is nothing much to panic about. There’s just what’s here…what’s happening…what’s going on in this moment.

It’s a paralytic type of fear that keeps us from really seeing what’s going on in the moment. We speculate, wonder, bet on, worry…you get the point…on all of the things we cannot specifically see. We wonder what the path is before we have even paved the path that is right in front of us. It’s when we leave the safety of the known land for the unknown that we are truly alive. We’re really living. Sometimes there’s some anxiety that comes along with all of that but that’s nothing that some serious breathing cannot fix.

The question also comes into this heart and head of mine quite often…”If you make the decisions that you need to make because everything inside of you is pulling for you to do that…really what could you ever hang your head about?”

Really nothing.

There would be nothing to even think back on because I ran with what I knew was the right thing to do. Isn’t all of this really about building a unbreakable trust in ourselves that we are capable of committing to our dreams, loved ones, and what we want to bring into the world?

For me, when I think about all of this, I keep coming back to this idea of – what would I do. And really, sitting here tonight, what would I do with all of this? What would I do with where I am at if I had to make a decision? What feels right to me and why is that?

What feels right to me is to continue traveling down this road…the road not taken…and discover what is meant to happen here. What feels right to me is to let things pan out exactly the way they are supposed to. What feels right to me is to throw all of this stuff…everything external…up to the heavens and let them deal with it. Because honestly, I have no idea with some of these things. I don’t know. I’m not embarrassed to say that. But what I would be embarrassed about is pretending I had some clue or refusing to follow this inner voice. So until those answers fall back down from the sky…I’m continuing on doing what I trust in. Those decisions are made because I made them…not because of anything else…and that, I will take to the bank every time.

-Evan Sanders

Where The Light Pours Out

I didn’t know what it was going to do to me…going back and reading all of it. I didn’t know that it would make me feel the cracks of pressure. I didn’t know that these pressure cracks would continue to split me open. I didn’t know that it would bring tears to my eyes…that there was still so much feeling there…that I would feel that all to familiar feeling of barbed steel running through my veins and through my neck. It ripped me open more than I am now.

That’s where the light began to pour out.

I didn’t know that answering this calling, this dream, this desire to step in front of a microphone would bring all these things out in me. I choked on my own voice today. I wasn’t just reading these posts from all those years back…I was feeling them with every single cell in my body. Time and time again goosebumps and shivers ran all throughout my body and I felt consumed by all of these words that I had written such a long time ago.

It brought me right back into the past. The tapestries of my past unraveled and revealed themselves in full color right in front of me…and there I was, tears in my eyes not being able to read the paper in front of me. I had to stop and come back to reading over and over again. I didn’t know this would happen. I didn’t know there was still so much there.

What scared me for a moment was that I knew that I had 1190 posts left to read. I had almost 5 years left to go through. I knew that this was only the beginning of the things that I had experienced and there was plenty more mixed emotions to come.

I believe in myself and that I can finish this journey, but I struggled to begin today. I struggled to put myself post after post in front of that microphone and pour myself out. Writing these words…they have a specific feel about them. They allow me to get things out. But speaking it brought it all to life. Actually saying the words made me feel and experience things that I have never felt before.

Today, my past came alive. That story, the beginning, the start of all of this was real for those moments that I spoke into that microphone. It was exhausting, but it was exhilarating at the same time. It rattled me, but it also brought something out in me today that has been waiting to come out for a long long time. Maybe, since the beginning of all of this?

I will never know.

But what I do know is that today marked the beginning of something new. Something that I feel in my bones can be even more powerful and more impactful that what has been written down here over the past 5 years.

Today I let my voice out for everyone to hear.

And as much as that scared the crap out of me in the past, the reality is, I went for it again. I’ve been going for it over and over again and something in my life has changed to where that’s a real possibility for me now. To just keep going for it.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Tomorrow is a new opportunity.

I can do this.

-Evan Sanders

You Are Safe Being Imperfect

It’s scary. It’s hard. It’s one of the hardest things to do. But here’s the reality, you are safe being imperfect. You don’t always have to try to look good and always be in a place of being afraid of looking bad. You can show up exactly as who you are and have a huge impact on the world. In fact, that’s exactly what the world needs – who you are…not you trying to be something that you’re not.

Interested in what life coaching could do for you? If you’re in a place where you are stuck or finding yourself wanting more for yourself but not sure of which way to go, let’s talk. All you have to do is email me at aykmecoaching@gmail.com and we will set up a time to chat and see if we are a good fit to work with each other. No catch. No obligations. I’m here to help you change your life. So don’t wait another minute and email me. Take the leap.

If you’re ready to commit to coaching on the other hand, check out the options below.

For 1-on-1 phone or Skype coaching click here: http://btrman.me/1Hy93h1

For fully customized 3 – 6 month coaching programs click here: http://btrman.me/1JkS2ET

To purchase my recently published book “Two Wolves” click here: http://btrman.me/1CKn7oE