Leandra Medine's Blog, page 63

Lauren Santo Domingo on Her Best Outfit Ever

In which I ask co-founder and Chief Brand Officer of Moda Operandi Lauren Santo Domingo: What’s the best outfit you’ve ever worn?

I went through all these phases when I was growing up–the 80s Madonna phase, the Grateful Dead hippie days while I was in boarding school, my 90s phase, inspired by My So Called Life and Chloë Sevigny. My mom would look at me wearing Doc Martens and a choker and heavy eyeliner and say, “Try to look nice. Just try to look nice.” That stuck with me.

Then I saw a photo of Kate Moss and Johnny Depp at the Cannes Film Festival in 1998 looking so pulled together and had a realization. People forget the events leading up to that moment, but I don’t–they were trashing hotel rooms, getting kicked out of The Ritz, throwing TVs out of windows, burning down nightclubs. I mean, they were wild. And I was somewhat wild myself–always in trouble. And seeing them so polished crystallized the transformative power of fashion for me. Long story short, now I just want to look nice, which I guess helps define my Best Outfit Ever.

I think I misunderstood the prompt, because the outfit we’re talking about is actually the one that has gone the most viral. I’m wearing a Jacquemus skirt from the Fall 2016 collection with a ribbed knit turtleneck–I’m not sure who makes it, the label has been pulled out–and Prada slingbacks.

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I was in Paris for fashion week when the photo was taken, and should mention that I’m not the type of person who gets organized for fashion week. Every year I say I’m going to try a little harder, put looks together in advance, really show up, but I never do. And it’s funny–the outfits that I actually put a lot of care and thought into and think, This is my best look, let’s do this, they never end up being my favorite. So with this skirt, it was one of those things where I love it so I packed it, and figured I’d just find something to wear it with when I got there. But it panned out differently, actually, and I remember thinking I hated this look as a whole when I put it on. Kitten heels were just becoming popular, but I wasn’t sure if I was ready to embrace them. I was late for a show—Valentino—so I couldn’t change, but definitely remember thinking, I could do so much better.

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Saluting elegant style! Founder of Moda Operandi & Vogue contributor, Lauren Santo Domingo has access to every designer on

Lena Waithe’s ‘Queen and Slim’ Is a Poetic Mirror for Black America

Lena Waithe’s debut film, Queen and Slim, is a reminder that even in epic love, there will always be pain for black people. Written by Waithe and directed by Melina Matsoukas, the story follows Queen (Jodie Turner-Smith) and Slim (Daniel Kaluuya) as they set off across the country after a minor traffic incident turns into a deadly exchange with the police. The film arrives at a time when many black people feel like they’re not in control of their own lives, with stories being written and unwritten for them. Queen and Slim, with its nuanced and authentic look into the black experience, takes the narrative back.

Lena Waithe at the Queen and Slim Premiere

I saw an advance screening of it at The Underground Museum in Los Angeles last month, surrounded by black community. My favorite films are those that take me on a journey outside of myself while also creating a world in which I’m able to see myself. Queen and Slim did that in resplendent color. I was there: in the car, at the Juke joint, on the run, in love and in pain. I left feeling fully aware that, as a black person, I cannot separate the political from the personal.

Ahead of the release of the Queen and Slim, which hits theaters today, I had the pleasure of chatting with Lena Waithe about the making of the film.

Queen and Slim goes beyond the tried and true narrative of police killing black people, why was it important for you to tell this story?

I couldn’t believe that it hadn’t been done. When James Fray pitched [me the idea], something about it stayed with me and I knew I wanted to tell my version of the story. It was during a time in my life where I was feeling like I didn’t have a voice, even though I was working on my first TV show [The Chi for Showtime]. I was a first-time creator, a younger version of myself, and I just didn’t have any power. I felt like I was in a new Jim Crow and I was like, what is going on?

I really wrote this as a rebel cry. That’s what it was. It was me shouting in a room by myself writing this, even though it’s a very quiet and intimate movie. It’s a meditation on blackness, on what it means to be black in America, what it means to fall in love, what it means to think you know yourself, all those things. I’d never seen that [exact] narrative, and I just thought it’s about time because, at some point, the oppressed get sick of the oppressor, and we’re not always mild. This [script] is me not being a polite black person.

The death of Atatiana Jefferson, shot and killed in her own home, happened soon after you made this film. How important is timing? Do you feel like there’s a sense of urgency?

Yes, it’s heartbreaking for me as a black person in the world. Outside of the movie and the business, I’m like everybody else. I’m traumatized by this. She could be my family. As black people we are all connected. I’m connected to you in some way. You could be my cousin, you could be my family. When we hear about another black person being slain (more often than not by a police officer), a part of us dies. I don’t think I thought the problem would become worse after I wrote the movie at all. To me this is an epidemic. It’s open season on black bodies.

A lot of times blackness is accepted or tolerated by mainstream media only to the extent that it doesn’t make non-black people feel too uncomfortable. Once it does, people turn away or stop listening. This film really forces the viewer to face those harsh realities.

Oh yes. With Queen and Slim, we had complete autonomy. [The execs] knew this was a really powerful script, and I think they knew that it was a powerful team, and understood they would not have any part in the creative process of this film, and that’s why it feels the way it does.

But ultimately, black folks get depressed too. Black folks don’t do a song and dance in the middle of a dramatic scene to make you feel more comfortable.

I love all my execs and I am grateful to be in business with them, but a big note I often get on my other projects (which are mostly populated by black people) is: “Can we have more joy? Can we get more laughter? Can they do the electric slide after this scene?” And yet you can watch a white movie without one laugh in it. It’s such a frustrating note. I’ve tried to make sense of it and [have concluded] that there is a guilt. There is still a guilt [for white people] about looking at black people existing in a space that is not there to entertain them, they don’t want us to establish that it is their fault. But ultimately, black folks get depressed too. Black folks don’t do a song and dance in the middle of a dramatic scene to make you feel more comfortable.

To me it’s an experience of what it means to be black. I tried to make it very honest and real to us. I don’t sugarcoat or explain anything. I treated it like a white movie. When you watch a white movie, they don’t do that, they are very much so in their own world and they don’t care about who else doesn’t understand that world. That’s what I wanted Queen and Slim to feel like for black people.

No tiptoeing or navigating any emotions…

None of that. This is for us. And those who are not us, can come and see it and get a peek behind the curtain, which is a privilege in my opinion.

I feel it. The nuances and details really stood out to me particularly in the authentic dialogue between Queen and Slim. I felt like I was a part of their conversation versus watching it.

Wow yeah, I like to be very specific in my work because black people are very specific. Even the way I write my dialogue, the language that we have is very unique. It’s something I really worked hard on. I listen to the cadence of black people, there is a thing that we invented. It’s not “What are you gonna do?” it’s “What you gon’ do?”” When I say that, there is a familiarity to that sound. I don’t code-switch in this movie.

As a black woman myself, one of the most powerful scenes to me, was the sex scene—not for the obvious reasons, but because I felt like I was watching performance art. Especially seeing two darker-skinned black people moving in a way that was non-exploitative, but just beautiful. They weren’t “black bodies.” And it being intercut with the riot made it even more powerful.

I am a very visual writer. If you ever read my scripts, the action lines are almost more fun, and are me. The dialogue is not my voice. I can’t always agree with the characters, so I remove myself. But in the action lines you get my authentic self. So I was very particular and very mindful of that. When I wrote the scene that way—[intercut with the riot]—I remember Melina being like, “What! I don’t know, that seems cheesy,” but I was like, “Trust me dog.” To me, both almost represent opposite sides of the same coin. They are finally letting their walls down and are becoming one for the first time, and it’s bigger than sex. They are taking out their joy and their pain on each other in that moment. But then also relaxing into each other at the same time. That’s the thing I believe about sex—it’s a release but it’s also a need to let out an aggression at the same time. And intercutting it with the riot is showing us how oblivious they are to the fire they started, because in essence it has nothing to do with them, and everything to do with the state in which we live as a people.

I really appreciate that you appreciate that scene, because it’s the most complex scene, and choosing to do that is such a climactic moment in the film, literally and figuratively [laughs]. It really is one of the most important scenes I have ever written—that and the ending.

The film is a visual poem. It took me through so many experiences.

Thank you, I appreciate that. I think that’s my mission as a writer. Something I always say when I’m writing is: I have ideas, I know what I want to do, but I always leave room for God to come in, and he came in a lot on this one. When I talk to new writers, I tell them to let this thing tell you where it wants to go. Don’t feel like you always have to be in the driver’s seat.

That’s why it’s really an emotional thing when people say, “I like this.” It’s them sort of saying “I like you, there’s a thing about you that I can see in myself.”

The stuff that is close to my heart pulls from my own experiences. When Slim tells his story, talking about the birds and the bees and his grandmother, I think that is the piece of writing I’m most proud of because it’s pulled from my own stuff. And [Queen] talking to her Mom’s tombstone, because that’s the stuff I’m still working through, it’s all my shit. When I first started dating my wife, she would have a hard time falling asleep, and she would ask me to tell her a story. That’s me trying to put her in it. And she can’t stand the sound of people eating, and I’m the loudest eater on the planet. So all the little stuff I put in there—that’s my own shit that makes it sound specific. That’s why it’s really an emotional thing when people say, “I like this.” It’s them sort of saying “I like you, there’s a thing about you that I can see in myself.” And it’s a beautiful experience, I think. Whenever I talk to people about it, I feel like we are connecting on a deeper level because I’ve laid myself pretty bare with this movie.

Queen and Slim hits theaters everywhere on Wednesday, November 27, 2019.

Nadra Widatalla is a writer and producer living in Los Angeles. You can find her on Instagram and Twitter.

Feature Photos via Getty and Universal Pictures.

The post Lena Waithe’s ‘Queen and Slim’ Is a Poetic Mirror for Black America appeared first on Man Repeller.

Hold That Cardigan! A List of Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Shop

The thing about sustainable shopping is that shopping still necessitates consumption. The problem with consumption is that as we’ve learned more about sustainability a theory has developed that consumption—all of it—is Bad. And yeah, definitely, there’s some truth to it—the commerce cycle will not be sustainable until brands can figure out how make more money without also having to make more stuff. But back to the party about all buying being bad: again, some of it is, but I’m not so black and white. I prefer to clothe myself in the varying and nuanced shades of gray. I also prefer not to judge the habits or behavior of others (compulsive shopping, for instance) until I’ve exhausted the possible reasons such behaviors exist. TL;DR: I don’t think consumption has to be so dirty if we’re more thoughtful about it and hold ourselves accountable for making! smarter! choices!

I bring all this up because we’re on the precipice of consumption season—that time of year when all the stores and all the brands and all the websites rely on us to buy shit-loads of shit for both ourselves and our people, which is almost always when I, personally, start to feel a hole burning through my pocket. That hankering for something new. On my mind now are inconvenient mini skirts, festive sweaters, and teeny, tiny trinkets to soup up the rest of me. Do I need any of that? No. That’s a hard no. Do I want some of it? Yeah!

Any time I act on that burning hole feeling, I regret it. I realize I don’t actually like the thing, or that I have a better version, or that a better version exists elsewhere and then I’m stuck inside my own shame spiral thinking maybe I should be more black and white. That perhaps there is no gray: Sustainable shopping means not shopping at all!

I don’t think I really mean that. There’s got to be another way. I don’t actually know what the way is, but an effort to figure it out has led me to develop a handy list of questions to ask myself before I shop. The basic premise of this list, for which you should be able to run any fashion item through, is that a) the garment in question is one you think you really want, b) it’s not necessarily for a special occasion (just rent that!) and c) it will last.

The list should be able to lead me to a wardrobe for which I want nothing new at all, but can feel confident (even good about!) updating occasionally when I’m itching for the fashion equivalent of a software update. Here it is—go ahead and give it a screenshot to have it handy next time you’re about to extract a card from your wallet:

 

In the time since I’ve developed the list (credit where credit is due: number five came from a commenter named Cristin on this story), I’ve run at least 9 items through it. Only once have I been able to answer the questions in a way that has been satisfactory enough for me to pull the trigger. Unsurprisingly, it was neither a festive sweater nor an inconvenient skirt. Not even a little trinket to soup me up (though dammit this one is cute)—it was a pair of sensible suede boots, extremely expensive but worthwhile, for me at least, because:

Do I already own something that serves the same purpose? Nope! But I have been looking for a pair of boots that aren’t flat, or too high, which I could wear all the time, particularly with jeans.
Is this one so much better that I would feel compelled to donate not one, but three things in its place, including the sum of question 1? I do have a couple pairs of beige boots, both of which are flat. I’m going to donate them both.
Will it make getting dressed in the morning easier? Hard yes—my issue when the weather gets cold is always footwear. I am a frequent wearer of mostly of skinny or straight varietals of jeans and have long maintained that boots look too, I don’t know, obvious? expected? with them. These are the welcome reprieve I’ve wanted to find.
What do I have to give up to get it? (Or rather, can I actually afford it?) Well! I have an unused gift card, so they will net out closer to $250, which makes pulling the trigger even easier.
If it were more expensive, would I still feel the need to try to figure out how to buy it? Glad this question is here, almost went into it in #4 . Yes. I’d have sold instead of donated the other two pairs of boots, assuming they landed me a combined $500, that would mean these cost another $500 out of pocket, which is still steep, but I spend $10 every day on coffee. If I didn’t do that for two weeks, I’d earn another $100 back (do I really need the afternoon one anyway?). So that’s $400 out of pocket and some homemade coffee which is probably better anyway. I can afford that comfortably but if I couldn’t, I’d ask myself whether I was willing to skip holiday party plans—drinks, meals, the works—in order to save up more. If the answer were no, I’d hold off.
(If you’re looking for a software update) Will it enhance the experience of getting dressed in the morning, i.e. elevate the other staples of my wardrobe? Jeans and sweaters look less sloppy, check.
(If you’re looking for a software update) If I ran into someone I really admire, or were at a place where I feel compelled to turn! it! on!, would I feel good to be in it? Trick question, and we should all have the same answer: Who the fuck cares?!

Go on, give it a try. If you are compelled, I wouldn’t mind you running an item you have on your mind in the comments below to see where you net out. And then we can try this exercise with a piece that fails the test, too.

Graphics by Coco Lashar

The post Hold That Cardigan! A List of Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Shop appeared first on Man Repeller.

What Kind of Friend You Are, According to Your Sign

The trappings of childhood may be more conducive to the making and maintaining of friendships, but we need community as much in our grown-up years as in our younger ones. It’s hard enough to feel our core anxieties crescendoing as the years tick by, but to face them alone is nearly unbearable. Adult friendships, for all their complications and frustrations, are bright spots among the more terrifying elements of the human condition—and all the more valuable because they are often so hard-won.

Who we are in our mature friendships, though, is as varied as our individual stories, and what we give to each other now depends not only on what traumas we’ve been through, but how we’ve evolved to manage them. So just between us adults, I’m sharing what each zodiac sign brings to the table in friendship once they’re grown.

Aries: The One Who Makes Us Feel Like a Kid

Your eternally youthful sensibilities make you the kind of adulthood friend who is down to play in sandboxes, eat grilled cheeses, and talk about your crush, even if your crush is just your partner to whom you’ve been married for three years. The magic of bonding with you is that you refract your friends’ lives through the prismic rainbow of uninhibited childlike enthusiasm. Your ability to love what you love without the self-conscious defenses others build up in adulthood grants others permission to feel their feelings without hedging. If your friends need someone to scream with them at a concert, defend an unpopular take, or sob about a tiny slight at work, Aries, you’re there with all the exclamation points they need.

Taurus: The One Who Brings Gifts

Bottles of wine, candles, chocolate—even if gift-giving isn’t your official love language, Taurus, it’s your preferred medium for expressing affection with friends. Adulthood is full of milestones, and you’re not one to underestimate how a well-chosen trinket can punctuate a special occasion. As a fixed earth sign, you appreciate the value and permanence of physical objects, and this puts you in high demand not only as a friend who literally brings treats, but as an authority on taste. This isn’t about flashing cash (actually, Taureans hold on to money better than any other sign); you’re basically a living breathing lifestyle brand that puts quality and thoughtfulness first. Which is why your friends always feel like a million bucks when they’re with you.

Gemini: The One Who Gets Into All Our Drama

Gemini, your talent for gossip make you the number one go-to for unpacking personal dramas. Others may yawn and stare at their phones while a friend re-explains who Rachel, the ex of an ex’s ex is, but not you, twin.

You’re always craving new stimuli for your nimble, fluttering mind, and when it comes to tracking the intricate details of your friends’ tiny, incremental drama, you have the stamina to become the world’s foremost scholar on the subject. If the narrative doesn’t have enough momentum for you, you’ll be ready with script notes (excuse me, advice) that will move the plot forward and, hopefully, toward a resolution. Every new development is a new episode, and with you signed on to co-produce, it’ll be a juicy one.

Cancer: The One Who Brings Us Soup

Cancer, as the sign of parenthood, your caretaking abilities are without peer. You’re everyone’s mama, coming in with tissues and gummy vitamins and hot broth simply when you *sense* someone’s immune system might be compromised. It doesn’t matter if they haven’t coughed once since Monday; a mother knows. The thing about you is your instincts are always spot on because, as a water sign, and one of the most emotionally intelligent, the universe drops its secrets into your soul. Your friends may have no idea that they’re about to cry all night because they haven’t slept in four days and have been scotch-taping their lives together with adrenaline and prayers, but you do. And more than anyone else, you can make them well again.

Leo: The One Who Builds Us Up

Leos, you build us up, buttercup baby. While you have an ironclad astrological reputation as being limelight-seeking—and you are—the nuance that usually gets missed is how much you love it when your friends shine, too. Leo is ruled by the sun, the brightest and most generative celestial body in our solar system. Does it make sense for a literal star like the sun to be jealous of the moon for catching its rays? Pure and utter fiction! And so it is with you lions and your friends. You only know how to operate from a place of abundance; a win for them is de-facto a win for you, and vice versa. Being around you is like having access to the world’s most natural hype person. That inspires a kind of glow that’s impossible to replicate.

Virgo: The One Who Sends the Calendar Invites

Who’s coming and at what time and what is everyone bringing and what’s the dress code? If no one asked these questions, then no one would ever have a good time; so sayeth the Virgo adult friend. You know that if the details were left to anyone else, they wouldn’t get done, and that’s why you nobly (and begrudgingly) take up the mantle of playing social organizer. It’s just easier than way. Now Virgos, I know you don’t always *enjoy* managing logistics and keeping track of everyone’s schedules and preferences, but a) you are better at it, and b) you do get to project that “must be nice” moral superiority that comes along with doing extra work. Do your friends benefit from your efforts? Yes. Do they appreciate you enough? No.

Libra: The One Who Woos Us

You’re a romantic sort, Libra, even in the way you conduct your platonic friendships. There’s always a little courtship up top, a meet cute, a flirtatious exchange. Maybe you weren’t sure someone wanted to hang out at first, so you dropped some hints. Laughed at their jokes. It’s a thrill to meet someone you click with, especially as adults, and you make it feel a little bit more magical than others do. Libras love love in all its forms, and as an adult, you can’t help wooing your friends with sweet little gestures that make them feel special and giddy. Like showing up with their favorite lemon bars just because it’s Tuesday, or texting them a little joke only they would get, causing them to giggle with such abandon that the people around them assume they’re talking to a paramour. In a way, they are right.

Scorpio: The One Who Holds All Our Secrets

You know everything about your friends, Scorpio. It happens naturally. You’re natural detectives, researching anything you care about and forming connections no one else sees. Most of the time, when your friends tell you something about themselves, you already knew it. But you’re responsible with your vast reserves of data. You’re a vault, keeping every secret under lock and key. You’d never squeal on someone who trusted you; you’re one of the most loyal signs in the cosmos, and that’s why you tend to keep friends for years and decades and so on. Of course, it’s a virtuous circle: the longer your friends know you, the more sophisticated your wisdom, and the more likely they are to unburden their souls in your confidence. And every few years, you tell them something about you, too…

Sagittarius: The One Who Takes Us Places

You are a travel buddy for the ages, Sagittarius. The world couldn’t be big enough for you, and the restlessness that inspires your wanderlust pairs well with adult friendship. After all, the only thing you love more than the freedom to take off to Queensland to hike the Daintree Rainforest is having good company to chat you up while you do it. Your fundamental cosmic motivation is education, and when your friends are along for the ride, they too can interact with the world as a living, bubbling laboratory. What makes you such a top-notch lab partner (if you will) is that you help open people’s minds with new experiences and insights. Big ideas are the oxygen that powers your friendships, and you will never run out of those.

Capricorn: The One Who Networks for Us

As busy as you are, Capricorn, you’re absolutely expert at keeping long-term friendships strong. What you lack in facetime you make up for in consideration and supportive gestures. You’re a thoughtful communicator on social media, never missing an opportunity to publicly celebrate your friends’ ~some personal news~ posts or any funny jokes they’re cranking out. As the sign of professional success, you’re always looking out for opportunities your friends would never consider for themselves—and you’re not shy about vouching for them to any VIPs whose ear you have. It may take you eight months to finally find a mutually convenient day to brunch, but once it’s in the calendar, you will never, ever flake.

Aquarius: The One Who Expects Nothing

You accept your friends’ limitations, Aquarius, which is an incredibly freeing quality in an adulthood friend. The rigors of real life are exhausting, and it’s so nice to have someone who won’t hate you if you cancel plans at the last minute or wait a week to text back. It’s not that you’re cool with rudeness, but a) you need more space than most, and b) you innately understand that people are all so different. That’s part of the appeal, as far as you’re concerned. If you understood someone completely, you’d probably lose interest, and that’s why you keep an eclectic sampling of fascinating people in your inner circle. But as enamored with them as you are, you like a long leash. Friendship with you is a completely at-will arrangement, and you are happy to delight in your friends’ eccentricities and imperfections as long as they delight in yours.

Pisces: The One Who Understands Everything

Pisces, you are so deep in the emotional weeds with your connections that being your friend kind of feels like sharing a soul. There are only so many people who can intuit what’s behind vague social posts accurately enough to spiritually echolocate a crisis down to the timestamp. But your friends are so grateful for that depth of connection and your preternatural capacity for empathy, which is almost magical in its ability to heal them when they’re wounded. The energy of a Pisces is a dissolving one; you dissolve the borders between you and others, exposing their inherent interconnectedness as living creatures. More than any other sign, Pisces knows that no one is truly alone. And that’s a relief—at any age.

Graphics by Coco Lashar

The post What Kind of Friend You Are, According to Your Sign appeared first on Man Repeller.

It’s Getting Colder, Which Means More Time to Read These 6 Books

I grew up in a California suburb known for its view of the Santa Cruz mountains and weather so temperate you could barely feel it. For the 16 years I lived there, the seasons passed discreetly. Sometimes the farm down the street sold fruit, other times pumpkins; sometimes light rain fell on my soccer games, other times the sun warmed the leather of my Honda Civic steering wheel. But the climate had little bearing on the broader story of my life.

This is part of why my parents moved there in 1985, newly married and sick of Colorado winters, yearning for months to pass in a pleasant 70-degree blur. They always said I didn’t understand seasons, and they were right. It wasn’t until I moved to New York that I realized time worked differently in other places; that the date wasn’t just something you wrote at the top of your papers but the foundation upon which an evolving social calendar and approach to life was built. March means something here. As do July, November, and January. In a place with seasons, life takes on a dramatic and cyclical narrative. This intrigued me right away, but I didn’t grow to love it (which includes complaining about it) until I recognized the broader metaphor. The way weather could be even more than an organizing principle, but a way of being. An opportunity to see yourself and your life anew, every few months.

Like people and their moods, New York’s climate is never just one thing. Sometimes it’s balmy and saturated, drawing us outside and into the masses. Other times it’s ruthless and cutting, pushing us into warm rooms and the inside of our own heads. If spring and fall are about transitioning into new versions of ourselves, and summer is about opening up, winter is an opportunity to turn inward—to examine who we are when we’re alone, and explore the benefits of isolation. It’s also, now that I’m getting to the point, the perfect time to read the kinds of books that move and change you.

October found me in a reading slump, a spill-over from a hot and busy summer. As the cold crept back into my daily rhythm, I couldn’t remember how it felt to be inside my own head, in tune with myself and the world around me. I missed the feeling of stopping mid-book, mid-page, and realizing with a euphoric stomach-drop that this is all I need. That’s when life feels the simplest (and oddly, the most infinite), and an impending winter is the perfect impetus to search for that feeling. So I made a list of books I wanted to read over the next month. I imagined they would serve as an emotional tune-up, but I didn’t realize they would send me on one of the most perception-altering reading benders I’d ever experienced.

So if you’re facing a looming winter of your own, literal or emotional or both, west coast or east coast or somewhere else entirely, here are six ways to change by sitting very still.

How to Time-Travel

My sister recommended The Great Believers by Rebecca Makkai to me a while ago, and when I finally picked it up, I was vaguely disappointed by the bright yellow cover and intrigued by its “New York Times 10 Best Books of 2018” sticker. I quickly forgot about both. The book flips between two vastly different storylines: a group of gay friends in the midst of the nascent AIDS epidemic in 1985 Chicago and a mother looking for her daughter in 2015 Paris. But they’re more connected than you might think, and not only because the mother, Fiona, is in both. The two stories home in on the unique experience of confronting death and tragedy, and the way normal life, impossibly, doesn’t stop on account of either. That might sound sad, and it is (I cried a lot), but the world Makkai builds is rich, immersive, and filled with a subtle kind of hope. I genuinely couldn’t put it down, then didn’t want it to end. The Great Believers not only offered me a window into a time I didn’t previously understand, it reminded me, with arresting clarity, that time is precious, and its passing can be brutal and beautiful in equal measure.

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How to Change Your Life Without Changing It

I’d been meaning to open How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy by Jenny Odell for a while, and by the time I closed it, I felt like a different person; like someone who notices the dry, crackly sound of the trees in the wind, or who dutifully heeds her ScreenTime limits. I know the premise of it sounds preachy, but this book isn’t out to shame you for being addicted to your phone (although it does ask that you acknowledge a reliance). It’s more interested in understanding how we got here, and how we can possibly navigate a world that demands so much of us, and in such tiny, exhausting increments.

Weaving together perspectives from philosophy, history, sociology, art, birds (!), and anecdotes from her life, Odell manages to explain the nature of attention in new and surprising ways. Maybe most refreshing was the fact that she doesn’t suggest we withdraw from modern society like commune-bound hippies in the 60s, but find new ways to engage with our existing structures (or, as she calls it, finding “third spaces”). Reading How to Do Nothing felt like walking downhill. By the end I felt grounded, newly attuned to the physical world, and like so much more than a cog.

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How to Feel Like Someone Else

Lisa Taddeo’s Three Women ungrounded me, dunking me into three new worlds at once. A work of nonfiction that reads like a novel, the book follows three real women over the course of an emotionally tenuous time. Maggie is a 17-year-old who has an affair with her teacher; Lina is in a sexless marriage with the father of her children; and Sloane’s husband likes to watch her have sex with other men. Taddeo spent around eight years reporting it, and it shows. The storytelling is as intimate as if it were written by the women themselves, which makes for a compelling format. But I found it distracting, too, because clearly liberties were taken, which to me compromised the premise. Perhaps the prologue, with its claims that Three Women was a once-in-a-lifetime-look into female desire, was too lofty. Still, I read it in about 24 hours, riveted, and came out of it feeling like I’d lived three more lives.

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How to Get Lost on a Weekday

The next world I ventured into was The Topeka School, Ben Lerner’s most recent, semi-autobiographical novel. Set mostly in the mid-90s, it jumps between multiple perspectives: Adam, a brilliant teenager who’s unable to wield his intelligence responsibly, and his therapist parents. The story centers a kind of psychotherapy utopia in Topeka called The Foundation, where both of Adam’s parents work and where experts in the field mix and mingle and cross professional lines.

The prose is dense at times and little nuggets of wisdom come at you fast. Here’s one I wrote down, in reference to the friendships formed between therapists at The Foundation: “We thought that if we had a language for our feelings, we might transcend them. More often we fed them.” This feels like an apt description of the book. Reviews say The Topeka School is a story about male rage, which it is, but to me it read more like an exploration of complicated inner worlds—both unspoken and exhaustively (if inadequately) shared. I sped through it in a couple days, curious not just about who the characters were, but where they were going. By the time I finished, aside from being disappointed by the end, I felt like I’d been away for weeks.

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How to Understand Your Place in History

Amusing Ourselves to Death by Neil Postman also took me to the past—it was published in 1985—but this time with a different goal: to offer me a new perspective on the corrupting effect of television on cultural discourse. I know that sounds deeply boring and maybe curmudgeonly, but trust me when I say the book is fascinating. It was recommended to me by a few people after I commented that the democratic debates look like a gameshow, and I bought it right away. The fact that it was written before the internet era could undermine its relevance, but I found it to do the opposite. As Postman sees it, the stakes are simple: Culture is either informed by the written word or by moving pictures. In what amounts to a long, convincing thesis, he examines the implications of both. He offers a different explanation as to how we got here than you’re likely to hear today. The book had the unique effect of making me realize I was and am a product of my time, not just in the tools I use to communicate, but how I think about, process, and understand the world around me.

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How to Feel Disturbingly, Gloriously Alive

I finished the last book on my list in embarrassing sobs on the subway platform last weekend. When Breath Becomes Air is a memoir by neurosurgeon Paul Kalanithi, which he wrote during the last months of his life, tragically cut short by lung cancer at 37. I heard about it when it was first published in 2016, finally bought it for my boyfriend earlier this year, then ended up reading it first (this often happens with my “gifts”). Kalanithi wasn’t just a doctor, he was a student of English and philosophy, and before he was diagnosed, he was obsessed with understanding the meaning of life and death. Faced with his own much sooner than expected, this book serves as his final attempt to understand what it means to die. It was published posthumously and immediately became a #1 New York Times bestseller. Calling it beautiful and sad feels insultingly simple, but ultimately that’s what it is, in the most honest interpretations of the words.

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After reading about how to live more fully, imaginatively, presently, and thoughtfully, reflecting on the inevitability of death felt like a fitting and welcome reminder that I’m alive. Even though the trees outside are growing sparse, and life outside my house and head are growing quieter, I’m still breathing, heart beating, and feeling more present than I thought possible.

What books do you think make for good cold-weather reads?

The post It’s Getting Colder, Which Means More Time to Read These 6 Books appeared first on Man Repeller.

You Look Moist: A Set Designer Who Swears by Her 3-Ingredient Skincare Drink

Welcome to You Look Moist, a regular column wherein Man Repeller asks cool people with glowing visages how they achieved their supreme hydration (amongst other things). Today’s installment features Andrea Parra, a prop stylist and set designer. 

How would you describe your skin?

Growing up, my mother always told me that good skin comes from the gut, so every morning she would squeeze me juice from a fresh orange mixed with garlic and a teaspoon of honey. I credit her concoction with giving me skin that is relatively balanced and trouble-free to this day. I do get a pimple on the left side of my chin every now and then, though, which drives me crazy. When that happens I dab tea tree oil around the area and try to leave it alone.

How would you describe your skincare approach in general?

In general, I would say my skincare approach is pretty low-maintenance, but it does change a bit based on what season it is. My freckles are really sensitive to the sun, so I apply a heavy amount of sunscreen and wear hats all summer long. In the winter, I avoid products that contain alcohol because they always dry me out. I mostly use products that are all-natural with some good oils.

Which skincare products are integral to your routine for achieving your ideal, glowing, well-moisturized complexion?

The brand F. MILLER has done something magical to my skin! I’m obsessed with everything they make–their facial oils, toning mist, eye roller, and lip balm are all amazing, especially the lip balm in the winter (my lips usually get really chapped because of my radiator). I also religiously use this Jo Malone moisturizer and Fur Oil for body care.

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What about makeup products?

Maybelline Mascara and a Bobbi Brown “Rose” lipstick are the only things that have a permanent spot in my handbag. I used to spend so much money on high-end mascaras and they never did my eyelashes justice. Then, one day, a friend of mine left her Maybelline mascara in my car, and I swiped some on my lashes when I was rushing to a meeting and wanted to look awake. The thin brush felt like it was combing every single lash, to the point where it seemed like they reached all the way up to my eyebrows! The Bobbi Brown lipstick also doubles as my blush–I tap my lips lightly with my fingertips to collect excess product and smudge it on my cheekbones.

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What’s the cheapest product you use regularly and love?

Vitamin E oil and NOW Solutions Jojoba oil.

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Is there anything you try to avoid, skincare- or makeup-wise?

Anything with alcohol.

Any next-level tips, tricks, or services that you swear by to help you look “lit from within”?

Orange juice with garlic and honey every morning–and if that’s too time-consuming, just hot water and lime before starting my day! Oh, and a homemade facial mask once a week using whatever’s in my fridge and cabinets. If the weather is dry and cold, I’ll make an oat, rose water, and honey mask at night and leave it on for 30 mins. If my skin seems like it might breakout, I’ll mash some strawberries (the riper the better) with a teaspoon of turmeric powder and leave it on for 15 mins. It really helps with inflammation.

What’s your go-to product or trick for fixing a skin disaster?

I use tea tree oil to clear anything up–and then apply vitamin E oil after to soothe it.

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Do you do anything differently skincare-wise when you travel?

I carry wipes to clean things before I touch them! Other than that I layer an extra amount of whatever creams I’m into at the moment. I never really understood face mask on the planes. I’m easily irritated and it seems messy.

What’s something you wish your teenage self knew about taking care of your skin?

Nothing I didn’t know already, thanks to my mom. She always made sure my skin was glowing.

The post You Look Moist: A Set Designer Who Swears by Her 3-Ingredient Skincare Drink appeared first on Man Repeller.

The Best Boots of the Season and How to Wear Them

There are few sounds more satisfying than that of a boot crunching down on freshly fallen leaves in late November. To be clear, summer is definitely my preferred time of year in terms of weather—but winter footwear! WINTER FOOTWEAR. It can’t be beat. Ankle boots with a side zipper in a blue suede. Chelsea boots that you slip on—bonus if they have tabs. Glossy knee-high boots worn with a pair of cashmere joggers tucked into them. Edgy moto boots with metal details. Are you salivating? Overwhelmed? A little of both? I’m here to help. Scroll down for a guide to boot shopping this season, broken down by the most important category. (I also threw in some styling tips because I’m an overachiever.)

Combat Boots for Your Walks on the Wild Side

Combat boots can always be counted on to provide durability without shirking on their aesthetic duties. Their utilitarian design means that you can not only walk in them for miles but still maintain your sense of cool  (and joie de vivre) while you do it.

Styling tip: Truly anything (think of them as the boot equivalent of your favorite sneakers), however my favorite way to wear them is with tights and a dress–specifically a full-skirted, super feminine one–for the highest level of contrast.  

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Chelsea Boots for When You’re in a Rush

They’re the Shiv Roy vibe in a boot–polished but easy to wear at the same time (thanks to their slip-on design).

Styling tip: I love wearing Chelsea boots with a suit because they’re a great cold-weather alternative to loafers. They also look nice with cropped trousers, so you can just see the top of the boot.

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Tall Boots to Keep Your Kneecaps Company

They are the No. 1 boot of fall 2019—and they’ll keep your shins warmer than a chipmunk in a sauna.

Styling tip: Tucked-in joggers (bonus if you add a matching cardigan). Or a dress with a hem that covers the top of the boot. OR, if you’re feeling footloose and fancy free, long shorts because sometimes summer needs to share its spoils with the rest of the seasons.

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Platform Boots for Stomping Around Town

They make you want to dance! Such is the power of a platform that is both comfortable and height-boosting at the same time.

Styling tip: Wear with tight pants (perhaps these, which have some sheen) and a blazer or fun jacket or really extra jeans and a lace cami (wear with a warm jacket and gloves while you’re outside).

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Pointy Boots for a Quick Polish

You’ve been invited to a nice dinner and you 1.) don’t want to wear heels 2.) do want to look put together 3.) do need to offset the fact that you haven’t been on top of washing your hair this week.

Styling tip: Go for semi-formal pants like these warm, wide-leg, checked wool ones so the boot just peaks out underneath, with a fun shirt. You could also wear a stretch twill slim trouser tucked in or out. Try an embellished v-neck or cardigan sweater on top.

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Cozy Boots for Cozy Toes

These are the bear hug of the boot world. They make your feet feel like they’re still in bed even when you’re outside.

Styling tip: Cultivate an après-ski look with these leggings and a sweater like this one with side slits. Alternatively, dress this clog-style version up with a turtleneck-under-dress vibe.

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Weather-Resistant Boots for Potential Vortexes

They can take a little water and a little salt without issuing any major complaints.

Styling tip: Pair with a sharp trouser (I suggest a slim one—these have a matching blazer–so the hems don’t get wet). Plus a mug of hot chocolate for morale.

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Western Boots for Horse Girls (or, You Know, Whomever!)

They offer a compelling plot twist to the classic tall boot narrative.

Styling tip: Giddy up right into a pair of stirrup trousers or leggings! Oh, and this.














































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Are you loyal to any particular boot silhouette, or do you love all your children equally? Drop some links in the comment section either way.

The post The Best Boots of the Season and How to Wear Them appeared first on Man Repeller.

Why ‘The Crown’ Is the Perfect Show to Binge Over the Holidays

There is not a single yam in the entire third season of The Crown. Not one. No turkeys either. In fact, only a whisper of it takes place in America at all. (In episode 2, Princess Margaret, played by Helena Bonham Carter, goes to the White House and recites naughty limericks to President LBJ.)

So why, then, is it exactly what the doctor ordered when it comes to holiday viewing? Why, later this week, when the Thanksgiving feast has been gleefully inhaled and the cozy family vibes are starting to curdle, should we all queue up Netflix and settle down for a few hours with Liz (Olivia Colman) and Phil (Tobias Menzies) in their creaky old palace? Because The Crown is fundamentally about a very dysfunctional family, and very dysfunctional families is what all good holiday pop culture–from The Family Stone to Love Actually to National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation–is really about.

How can you stay mad at your overbearing but well-intentioned mother after watching The Crown? Has she ever called you–and here you must excuse me while I check my notes–“the floozy” and “a whore”? Because that is what the queen mother, god rest her soul, calls her own daughter Princess Margaret. I bet you’ve never started seeing someone nice, a ‘gel’ with feathered hair and a penchant for polo shirts, only to have your own grandmother conspire to separate you by calling their parents and demanding that they marry them off immediately. This is what happened to poor Prince Charles (Josh O’Connor) and Camilla Shand (Emerald Fennell), soon-to-be Parker Bowles. The rest of that sorry story is history.

There are twin theses at the heart of every season of The Crown. The first is that the queen is the rock upon which the waves of society constantly crash. She is solid and immoveable and impassive; she is on postage stamps and banknotes and those little commemorative thimbles you can buy at corner shops and landmarks. The second, though, is that underneath the surface of that rock–stay with me now–is an absolute fucking disaster of a sub-oceanic ecosystem. Here, there are not only dragons but all sorts of creatures and creepy crawlies, and they have names like Lord Mountbatten (Charles Dance) and the Duke of Windsor (Derek Jacobi) and Anthony Armstrong-Jones (Ben Daniels).

The royal family is a mess! In season 3 of The Crown, Prince Philip throws a tantrum because he doesn’t want his old, ailing mother to come live with him in his literal palace; the queen can’t cry, even when faced with horrific tragedy; and Princess Anne is off sleeping with her brother’s girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend. The royal family is a big old mess who can barely stand the sight of each other unless it’s through the bottom of a fat crystal tumbler into which gin has been very generously sloshed.

Which is exactly what Princess Margaret says in episode four, while being filmed for a quasi-fly-on-the-wall BBC docu-series inside the palace. “This is nothing like a normal evening,” she sighs. “If this were a normal evening we’d all be on our own, in sad isolation, in individual palaces. This is like some kind of nightmare Christmas.”

Happy holidays, everyone!

All three seasons of The Crown are streaming on Netflix now.

Images via Netflix

The post Why ‘The Crown’ Is the Perfect Show to Binge Over the Holidays appeared first on Man Repeller.

A Floral Designer on the Importance of Stopping to Smell the Roses—Literally

In partnership with David Yurman.

Man Repeller is partnering with jewelry brand David Yurman to explore the supreme romanticism of–what else?– hands! After all, David Yurman is a renowned decorator of this particular appendage, offering up all manner of artfully designed and crafted vehicles for sparkle. To that point, we’re publishing a three-part series spotlighting people who work with their hands. Part one kicked off with our own Leandra Medine Cohen, who examined the trajectory of her career as a writer through this lens while decked out in some of her favorite David Yurman pieces. Next up is floral designer and Fox Fodder Farm founder Taylor Patterson, who shares the joys and challenges of making art out of flowers. Read her story below.

On Falling Into Floral Design By Chance

I started working with flowers shortly after moving to New York on a whim. I wasn’t really sure what I was going to do with my career, but I was waitressing at a restaurant at the time, and I asked the florist who provided their flowers if I could help her out whenever she needed an extra pair of hands. I ended up shadowing her for a while, which led to me doing my own stuff, and it built from there.

Both my parents were big gardeners, so I grew up with what I thought to be a basic level of plant knowledge, but I quickly learned it was a lot more extensive than that because most people don’t know much (or anything!) about plants. I think that’s part of the reason why arranging flowers came so easily to me. It felt very second nature [Ed note: pun unintended].

On How She’s Learned to Let Flowers Speak (Figuratively) for Themselves

Not only was I generally less confident than I am now when I first started, but I was also extremely focused on being “different.” I was obsessed with pushing boundaries and establishing myself as someone who was making things unlike anything or anyone else. As I’ve become more familiar with the industry, though, I’ve become more aware that nothing is born out of thin air, and everything–no matter how innovative–is connected to a precedent set before it, and that’s been very humbling. Now I’m less fixated on making my mark, so to speak, and more interested in letting the flowers speak for themselves. It’s as simple as recognizing that I work with flowers, flowers are beautiful, and I just want to do what I can to bring that experience to others.

On Stopping to Smell the Roses

My favorite flower design project I’ve ever worked on was a wedding at the St. Regis. We made these table-scapes with crazy arrangements of cherries and different fruits and flowers, and it looked like Marie Antoinette was hosting the party. The point was never to cultivate perfection–just to have fun, which is why the effect was so dynamic. It ties back to what I was saying before–as I’ve gotten older, I’m less interested in perfection and more interested in thinking about the experience that we’re creating for people and the relationship that they’re going to have, not with only the aesthetic we’re cultivating, but also the natural beauty of the flowers themselves. Like, are they going to pay attention? Are they going to literally stop and smell the roses? I always want the answers to those questions to be yes.

On the Biggest Misconception About Floral Design

In my experience, the biggest misconception about the floral design industry is that because we work with nature, we are assumed to be environmentally oriented or concerned about sustainability. And that may be true in a lot of cases, but in general, the kind of floristry that has been celebrated in the past is reliant upon excessive material shipped from all over the world, as well as products that are actually highly chemical. That’s why I made a decision a couple of years ago that my company is no longer going to use this thing called “floral foam.” A lot of people in my industry aren’t ready to take that stand because it means that when a client asks for a certain thing that they’ve seen on Pinterest or whatever, they would have to turn down that business because it’s impossible to make without foam. People rarely consider how wasteful the floral industry is. They’ll ask for a flower wall without thinking about how that flower wall is getting made–with 47 bricks of compressed formaldehyde-treated plastic that are used once and thrown away immediately after. I’m comfortable leaving that money on the table if it means avoiding unnecessary waste.

On What It’s Like to Work With Her Hands Every Day

Using my hands is an incredibly important thing for me in terms of how I relate to and identify with the work that I do. Having that physical connection and relationship is key–it’s also just the way my brain works. I’m the kind of person who learns by doing. I wasn’t a good student because it was all listening and no interactivity, in one ear and out the other. By physically doing something, I can actually internalize it and find meaning in it.

 

 

 

On Advice for Aspiring Florists–Or Any Creative Type, Really

Learn to let go. Accept the reality that you might order thousands of dollars of product for an event and have the perfect vision for how it will look that you workshop for months, and then on the day you’re supposed to pick everything up the shipment gets stuck in Holland and you have to come up with a new idea. Don’t take it too seriously. At the end of the day, it’s not brain surgery, it’s just flowers.

DY Bel Aire Chain Bracelet in Yellow


Sculpted Cable Pinky Ring


Large Oval Link Chain Necklace


Novella Three Stone Ring with Blue Topaz and Tanzanite


Spiritual Bead Bracelet with Reconstituted Turquoise


Pure Form® Two Row Ring


DY Bel Aire Chain Bracelet in Turquoise


Novella Three Stone Ring with Amethyst


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This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity. Photos by Sabrina Santiago.

The post A Floral Designer on the Importance of Stopping to Smell the Roses—Literally appeared first on Man Repeller.

3 Unconventional Ways to Avoid a Winter Style Rut

In partnership with Veronica Beard.

You’re probably going to tell me it’s too early to think about this, that we’re still solidly in the throes of cheery, crisp fall weather, that Thanksgiving pie hasn’t even started baking yet, that it’s still FUN to bust out all the sweaters waiting patiently underneath your bed, and you wouldn’t be wrong in any respect, but hear me out: It’s time to start prepping for the inevitable winter style rut.

It’s easy to forget what happens every season. First, there’s a gradual dissolution of enchantment with stiff denim and chunky knits, then premature cravings for summer, followed by a sense of utter bewilderment every time you confront the cold-weather apparel in your closet. It doesn’t have to be like that, though. Just as bears load up on snacks pre-hibernation, we, too, can plan ahead before the first frost with a strategy for rethinking the definition of “winter clothing.”

In partnership with Veronica Beard, I have the pleasure of proposing three unconventional winter hero pieces for your consideration. Scroll down and bundle up!

#1 Shiny White Trousers

Thanks to the boring old rule about not wearing white pants after Labor Day, white doesn’t get as much airtime as mainstays like black, brown, navy, gray, and burgundy during winter. But that’s precisely why white–and particularly a white pair of pants–has the power to fill your chest with the zest of rut-busting style come January. Add a little bit of sheen to the mix and you’ve got yourself a festive staple that can be dressed down (with a cozy striped sweater) or up (with a matching jacket) depending on the scenario at hand.

Noel Pant


Herbie V-Neck Pullover


Orion Belt


Aurora Pump


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#2 Elongated Bermuda Shorts

I’m honestly torn about whether to call these elongated Bermuda shorts or short culottes, but I’m going with the former since the idea of winter-appropriate shorts feels particularly exciting to me. I love the idea of wearing them with tall boots (as evidenced here), but I’m not at all opposed to the prospect of black tights and platform brogues as an alternative option. Either way, you’re guaranteed to be transported from the doldrums of denim monotony to a more carefree mental state.

Jessel V-Neck Pullover


Amaris Culotte


Wyeth Turtleneck


Abella Boot


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#3 Dickeys Galore

Dickeys are the ultimate winter accessory because they’re a) extremely distinctive and b) they engender a cool layering effect without the subway sweat potential of actually layering a denim jacket under a corduroy blazer, for example. Veronica Beard is my hero for not only making dickeys galore (seriously, so. many. dickeys.), but also for making DICKEY JACKETS with hidden zippers so you can zip in the dickeys for supreme securement. Highly recommend on every level.

Gaya Dickey Jacket


Arezzo Skirt


Davey Turtleneck Dickey


Slate Dickey


Pari Sandal


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What are your favorite unconventional winter “staples”? Please do tell.

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Photos by Kat Slootsky. Hair and Makeup by Sara Fiorello. 

The post 3 Unconventional Ways to Avoid a Winter Style Rut appeared first on Man Repeller.