Alexandra Bogdanovic's Blog: That's life..., page 5

Family values

I've been thinking about my family a lot lately.
I thought about it while I was watching the fantastic film Nebraska the other day. I thought about it while I was old episodes of Deadliest Catch over the weekend, and it was definitely on my mind during a long-distance phone call on Saturday night.
And who could blame me? As I shared in last week's blog my grandfather, our family patriarch, will (God willing) celebrate his 100th birthday in May. I haven't seen him since 2009, but I will definitely be there to help him celebrate this momentous occasion. So will all of his adult children, the rest of his grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
Of course, a full family reunion never happens without a little bit of drama -- and sadly the lead-up to this one is no exception to the rule. Much of it has to do with past issues and some of it has to do with ongoing differences of opinion. Beyond that I won't go into detail, nor will I call anyone out by name. This is neither the time nor the forum for that -- and I don't believe in airing private issues publicly.
That's not to say I won't speak my mind. I will choose my words carefully -- because because once they are written or uttered words can't be taken back -- but I will let everyone know where I stand.
So to those of you causing all of the drama (and you damn well know who you are) I say this:
1. Life is way too short for petty nonsense.
2. This isn't about you, or me, or anyone else for that matter. It is just about Grandpa. It is about celebrating his life, his achievements, his contributions to his community and his love for his family.
Grandpa doesn't have -- and has never had -- a selfish bone in his body. He isn't interested in materialistic things. So have you ever even for a nanosecond stopped to consider that in his waning years, perhaps all he would like is to be able to think that past hurts can be forgiven; that egos can be put aside; that his family can come together happily -- for his sake if for nothing else?
Never mind. That was clearly a rhetorical question. Actions speak louder than words, and judging by your behavior, the answer is a resounding no. The fact that to date, you have been unable or unwilling to put your own issues and agendas aside long enough to participate in group activities to honor Grandpa is, quite frankly, reprehensible. The fact that some of you think that just showing up is a gift in and of itself disgusts me. The fact that some of you are put out because you have to travel a few extra miles and spend a few extra dollars to come to the party blows my mind.
To reiterate in case you didn't get it the first time -- this isn't about you. It isn't about what you want. It isn't about what is easiest or most convenient for you. So stop thinking about yourselves for once. I promise you the world won't stop revolving.
Having said that, I will now issue a challenge. Look at the photo accompanying this blog. The tree in the center represents Grandpa. Around it are different paths. On one hand, they seem to start at the same point -- and then branch off. This could represent division and separation.
But look again. Look closely. Now do you see? From another perspective, the paths seem to begin in different places and come together in front of the tree. To me this represents unity.
Let me know which path you'll take.
Until next time, "That's life..."

When in doubt...

So here I sit. It is 5:20 p.m. on Easter Sunday and I don't have a clue what to write about.
But all is not lost. I'll simply follow the (relatively) new adage that all bloggers swear by: when in doubt, make a list.
This isn't just any old list though. This particular list of some of my favorite quotes about aging is being compiled in honor of my grandfather's 100th birthday, which (knock on wood), he will celebrate in May.
Enjoy!
1. “Most people don't grow up. Most people age. They find parking spaces, honor their credit cards, get married, have children, and call that maturity. What that is, is aging.” ― Maya Angelou
2. “Keeping up the appearance of having all your marbles is hard work, but important.” ― Sara Gruen, Water for Elephants
3. “I want to grow old without facelifts... I want to have the courage to be loyal to the face I've made. Sometimes I think it would be easier to avoid old age, to die young, but then you'd never complete your life, would you? You'd never wholly know you.” ― Marilyn Monroe
4. “When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.” ― Mark Twain
5. “You don't stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing.”― George Bernard Shaw
6. “It's paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.”― Andy Rooney
7. “As you get older; you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at a party, and you'll know that you know this person, but no matter how hard you try, you can't remember his or her name. This can be very embarrassing, especially if he or she turns out to be your spouse.” ― Dave Barry
8. “Men do not quit playing because they grow old; they grow old because they quit playing.”― Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.
9.“Embrace aging.” ― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie
10. “Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.” ― Phyllis Diller
Until next time, "That's life..."

The best book you never read

Several months ago, I blogged about my encounter with a New York City psychic.
If you recall, I described how she asked me about the significance of Florida and California. I told her that I'd entered literary contests in those states. She told me I'd be traveling a lot.
She was right -- well, to a point anyway.
At the end of January I went to Orlando, Fla., to accept recognition as the runner-up in the 2015 Florida Book Festival's Gay Literature category for "Truth Be Told: Adam Becomes Audrey."
Just yesterday I learned that "Truth" received recognition as a finalist in the 2015 Beverly Hills Book Awards competition's LGBT Non-Fiction category. Now in and of itself, that may not sound like a big deal. But the fact of the matter is that only the winners and the finalists in this particular competition receive official recognition.
Unfortunately, family obligations will preclude me from traveling to California to receive the recognition in person.
At any rate, the list of book awards on my website is growing. In addition to the awards I just mentioned, the list includes the following:
-- Winner of the 2013 New England Book Festival's Gay Literature category for "Truth Be Told: Adam Becomes Audrey"
-- Finalist in the 2014 National Indie Excellence Awards competition's LGBT Non-Fiction category for "Truth Be Told: Adam Becomes Audrey"
-- Runner-up in the 2014 Great Southeast Book Festival's Autobiography/Biography category for "Truth Be Told: Adam Becomes Audrey"
-- Honorable Mention in the 2014 New York Book Festival's Wild Card category for "Truth Be Told: Adam Becomes Audrey"
Who knows? The list could be even longer by the end of the year -- if I enter some more contests.
For now all I need is a few more reviews... and a lot more sales!
Until next time, "That's life..."

Who cares?

So did you happen to see the news this week?
Some pretty serious stuff happened. No I'm not talking about the terrorist attack in Tunisia or the fact that ISIS has reportedly released a kill list featuring the addresses of some U.S. military personnel.
Apparently some rapper (who I've never heard of and couldn't care less about) got some ink for mouthing off about America in general and people of a certain ethnicity in particular. If (and I only say "if," "allegedly"and "reportedly" so I don't get sued), these comments were not taken out of context, they are without a doubt some of the most outrageous, outlandish, disgusting and flat out racist remarks I have ever heard in my life.
Then an actor (who we all know but I don't care to name) allegedly made some other controversial remarks that I personally find equally offensive. I won't go into details. You can figure it out on your own.
That being stated, I don't dispute that these people (if they can be called that) have a right to say what they said. That's the beautiful thing about the United States of America. People are free to say whatever they bloody well please. Well... up to a point, anyhow.
What I take issue with is that a lot of people actually seem to think that what "celebrities" and "entertainers" have to say is newsworthy. If that wasn't so pathetic, it would actually be laughable.
Here's a real newsflash for you: just because someone can sing, act, dance, throw a football, hit a baseball or dunk a basketball does not mean they are well educated or well informed. It doesn't make them important. It doesn't make them special. It doesn't make them worthy of adulation... or even admiration.
It does make them self-centered, self-absorbed and self-important... in my humble opinion, of course.
Until next time, "That's life..."

A long, long time ago...

A long, long, time ago, when I was just a little girl,people in polite society played by certain rules. Children used courtesy titles to address their friends' parents -- or any adults for that matter. The use of the words "please" and "thank you" in every day conversation was commonplace. Most importantly, no one discussed "sensitive subjects" such as religion or politics outside of intimate circles. Ever.
Of course, that was long before the advent of the Internet and the instant-information age. Back then, no one could imagine a time when people would be able to use a gadget called a computer to say whatever they wish without any consequences.
Yet all these years later, some things remain the same -- at least as far as I'm concerned. I seldom discuss religion or politics publicly. When I do, I choose my words very carefully. My opinion remains my own.
So imagine my trepidation when the conversation turned to politics during the opening reception for my photo exhibit "Unique New York: 50 Photos of New York City" at our local library. The person who initiated the discussion had no qualms about sharing her opinion. I had no qualms about ending the discussion before it turned ugly.
I refused to engage in the conversation (if it could be called that) because it wasn't the time or the place. I refused to engage in the conversation because I didn't know the woman who initiated it. I refused to engage in the conversation because a constructive dialogue with that particular person would have been impossible under any circumstances.
You see, she was so consumed with her own beliefs, so utterly convinced that she is right and the rest of the world is wrong, that she resorted to name-calling when confronted with a different opinion.
Sadly, her behavior is hardly unusual. If any thing it is far too common.
Until next time, "That's life..."

Remember when...

It's been a long, hard winter; there's no doubt about it. And now after weeks of record cold temperatures, ice, snow, backaches, heartaches and more aggravation than anyone would care to admit, it seems that Old Man Winter is finally ready to call it quits for this year.
But let's be honest. Winter didn't always fill our hearts with dread.
Do you remember when...
A few inches of snow was no big deal?
You prayed for a snow day before you went to bed?
You spent hours making snow angels?
You and your friends made the coolest snow fort ever?
You got an adrenaline rush just by standing at the top of the biggest sledding hill in town?
Do you remember...
The surge of excitement and fear you experienced as you jumped on to your sled and whizzed head first down the hill?
Snowball fights?
Leaping into snow banks?
Trying to catch snow flakes on your tongue?
Making a snowman?
Smiling when the the weatherman predicted snow?
The blizzard of '78, '95 or 2010?
Do you feel old?
I do.
Until next time, "That's life..."

Oh, rats!

When was the last time you had a good laugh? I don't mean a little chuckle. I mean the kind of laugh that makes your stomach hurt and leaves you breathless.
It happened to me last week -- and believe it or not, I was laughing at my own expense.
The cause of my hilarity can be found in a little brown essay book with "Rats!" on the front cover.
Yes, as a little girl I had a very vivid imagination. So I was probably eight or maybe nine when I wrote a short story about a massive rat invasion. Not surprisingly the great rat invasion of 1980 portrayed in the story caused a great deal of panic, especially in New York and Chicago.
Even though the rats in my story were rabid, "I" kept my cool when I came home and found a gigantic rat sitting on my pillow. I just figured the rat "was an expectant mother."
And when I saw another gigantic rat sitting on the table when I went to do my homework, I just figured he was "an expectant father."
While I was trying to get my homework done, scientists were busily devising a plan to vanquish the rabid rats. Plans to poison them with spray guns failed, but just when it seemed the rats would win, reinforcements arrived in crop dusters!
Looking back on it, the plot was laughable and there was absolutely, positively no character development to speak of. There were lots of errors; words were misspelled and I had a thing about putting hyphens where they didn't belong.
But, hey, I was just a little kid when I wrote it. And who knows. Maybe I wouldn't be an award-winning author and journalist today if I never plucked up the courage to write about those damned rats!
Until next time, "That's life..."

A picture is worth...

As someone once said, "A picture is worth a thousand words."
I must confess that as a writer, I used to hate that saying. I resented the idea that photographers captured images that easily conveyed or evoked emotions that I often struggled to put into words.
But somewhere along the line, photography became an interest and then hobby and then something that I did as part of my job. Now it's something I do for fun. Let's just call it another creative outlet.
At any rate, the resentment I once felt is now a thing of the past. Now I admire the photographers who have the technical skill I have never mastered. I have tremendous respect for skilled professionals like my friends Lisa, Adam and Randy.
But instead of emulating those who have mastered the craft, I've created my own unique style while embracing urban photography, beach photography, automotive photography and travel photography. Of all the places I love to shoot, New York City is my favorite. Since I love big, bold graphic images, Times Square is my favorite place to shoot in the Big Apple.
For some reason, I rarely photograph people. Perhaps it has something to do with my dislike of having my own picture taken. I've gotten a few shots of people that I like. One is of a man walking down Main Street in Warrenton, Va., during a snow storm. The other is the one I used as an illustration for this blog. I took it while visiting Lake Eleola Park in Orlando, Fla., a couple of weeks ago.
It was a beautiful, warm early February afternoon, and a number of people were sitting on the park benches near the veterans memorial. But this particular person caught my attention. I couldn't help but wonder about his or her story. After all, everybody has one.
Until next time, "That's life...'

What a trip

It was an adventure of a lifetime.
On Friday, Jan. 30, I embarked on a trip to Florida to receive the latest award for my memoir, Truth Be Told: Adam Becomes Audrey. But I didn't fly. Instead, I made the 900-plus mile journey from New York City to Orlando by train.
The trip was supposed to take approximately 22-and-a-half hours, but it actually took 24. Now, 24-hours in a coach seat may sound like torture -- but in all honesty it wasn't that bad. In fact it was no worse than a 20-plus hour trans-continental/trans-Pacific flight from the east coast of America to Australia.
If given a choice, I'd probably take the train everywhere. It's a great way to meet people and an even better way to see the country. On this particular trip down the eastern seaboard, I got some fantastic photographs (like this one in Baltimore) and I met some interesting characters along the way.
By the time I arrived in Orlando on Saturday afternoon, I was grungy and exhausted. But with plenty of time before the awards banquet, I explored my hotel and immediate surroundings. I also took advantage of the well-stocked wet bar in my hotel room.
Held at the Grand Bohemian Hotel in downtown Orlando, the awards banquet itself was well worth the trip. It was an intimate affair featuring some wonderful acceptance speeches by some truly amazing authors. A few of us ended the evening with drinks at a nearby bar and by Sunday morning, I was definitely glad I had the day to relax.
As it turned out, my Super Bowl Sunday began with a leisurely breakfast and continued with a stroll around Lake Eola Park and a trip to the local history center. I got back to the hotel just in time to do some writing and order room service before the big game.
Monday morning came all too soon and before I knew it, I was back on another train heading north. And, as it always happens, the return trip was quicker than the first one.
I arrived at New York City's Penn Station to find frigid temperatures and the remnants of a winter storm on the ground. But it really didn't matter.
It was good to be home.
Until next time, "That's life..."

Can you handle the truth?

For this week's illustration, I created a "word cloud" based on one of my all-time favorite quotations. It is, as Virginia Woolf so eloquently said, "If you do not tell the truth about yourself, you cannot tell it about other people."
Given recent news about authors who allegedly fabricated material in well-known books chronicling personal experiences, I couldn't think of a better quotation or subject for discussion.
In order to properly frame said discussion however, I must first review the differences between memoir, autobiography and fact-based novels.
While memoir and autobiography are both non-fiction, there is a significant difference between the genres. Generally speaking, a memoir chronicles a certain period or aspect of the author's life. An autobiography is devoted to the author's entire life.
On the other hand, fact-based novels, or novels "based on true experiences" are exactly that. Consequently, authors of such novels can take certain liberties with character and plot development.
Those of us who have written memoirs and autobiographies don't have the same leeway. For memoirists, it is especially important to remain faithful to the truth no matter what. We must be brutally honest not only with our readers, but with ourselves. Trust me, I speak from experience.
In my memoir, I was incredibly honest not only about my experience with my ex, but about myself. Because I chose to be truthful about my life, some critics have said my memoir lacks conflict, a "story arc" and "character development." Others have said I included too much mundane detail.
Well, let's be honest. For most of us, life is boring and mundane. Daily drudgery is just that. Frankly there was nothing extraordinary about my life whatsoever until my former-husband's revelation turned it upside down. And although I endured a tremendous betrayal at his hands, there wasn't a lot of conflict between us even after he shared his secret.
I suppose some readers would expect me to invent these details to satisfy their expectations. But the bottom line is that an award-winning journalist, I never manipulated the facts to sensationalize an issue and as an author I refused to manipulate the facts of my own life just to make my book more "marketable" or "entertaining." After all, I wrote a memoir, not a novel based on true experiences.
Neither I nor my ex-husband, nor anyone else in my memoir are "characters" that had to be developed. I made a conscious decision not to cheapen my life experience by writing "true fiction" that could be bent and twisted to appeal to the masses.
Apparently a North Korean prison camp survivor who recently confessed to lying about some details in a best-selling book about his life wasn't inclined to hold himself to the same standards.
Neither, apparently, was a teenager who recently admitted that the events in his memoir, The Boy Who Came Back From Heaven, never occurred. In published reports, the teen, who co-wrote the book with his father, said he fabricated the story in order to get attention.
In one case, the publisher announced that it will stop selling the book. In the other, the North Korean prison camp survivor said he is now considering ending his human rights campaign. In any case I hope their stories serve as stark reminders that every action has consequences.
As for me, I have no regrets and I make no apologies. As the great William Shakespeare put it, "To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man."
Until next time, "That's life..."